Andrew Moore's Blog, page 86

Genre Conference

All right, speculative fiction was a bust, but we all know fantasy, science fiction, and alternative history are the same thing. What do we call it?

fakies
falsedy
simuldy
imago
imaginique
mindplay
fantasy

New Protagonist Idea

What about a guy who's up on his luck? This will revolutionize literature!

Q&A Corner

Q. What if the statue with jewels for teeth depicts someone with false teeth?
A. Fake jewels.
Q. What about a fake person?
A. Ancient runes that spell out "artist's depiction."

The Main Thing Star Trek Probably Got Wrong

A space cruiser should have its own band. Maybe they had that in some episode, but the point is, put a band on your space cruiser.

Etymology Corner

Did you know that we call land surrounded by water on three sides peninsulas because the English were too stupid to come up with their own word for that? It should be an almisland.

Prudence and Preparedness

A terrible evil long forgotten spread its wings of shadow over the city, promising a return of that endless, terrible night mankind thought dispersed long ago if even they believed it ever was. The citizens began to panic, but one had the presence of mind to run to the newly-installed corner phone. He checked the instructions again.
"Let's see. 'Pick up receiver in case of horror awakening from its ancient slumber. Describe the horror immediately. Do not wait for a response. Do not give your name or location. Seat the receiver when you are finished and seek safety.' Got it. Um. Some kind of demon. OK!" He slammed the phone back and took off.
Meanwhile, in the mayor's office, a light beeped. "Would you look at that? Looks like the public menace reporting system is already seeing use." The mayor chuckled. "I'd hate to be all those rumor-mongers who said the project was an avenue for corruption now. I can't wait to tell the CEO of the contractor that installed it for us."
"Yes, sir. His name was Morrison, wasn't it?"
"That's right," said Mayor Morrison. "Have we shot that thing down yet? I'd better call the governor."
Finis

The Next Crossover

Perry Mason vs. Perry Rhodan. By vs. of course I mean they have to team up to defeat the bad guy at the end, who is probably some sort of space district attorney. On a gigantic spaceship that serves as a circuit court. What a district attorney is doing on a circuit court ship is something for the eventual author to figure out.

Aliens Who Are Great at TV

The reason we haven't seen evidence of intelligent extraterrestrial life is that their TV shows are way to good for them to start thinking maybe watching somebody land on the moon would be a better broadcast. When you think about it, it makes us seem kind of uncreative, really. It would be more impressive if somebody had faked it.

Tiny Aliens

The reason we haven't seen any evidence of extraterrestrial intelligent life is that they're too tiny. A hula hoop is a Dyson sphere to these people. They think a thimble is an impregnable fortress.

Addendum

Maybe you should just do porn instead. Probably pays better.