Andrew Moore's Blog, page 88

On Archery Terminology

Some people make the mistake of having archers in a fantasy setting "fire" arrows. They should of course "blast" them to "totally rock" the enemy.

Addendum

A blond human who is actually a dragon carries a golem hammer through the portal. What lies on the other side? A tyrant who's actually a transformed black hole, of course, but the point is, hammers are only a good weapon for a hero if they're really big, and I mean ultra huge.

Transform!

Obviously dragons can transform into people and civilian vehicles into intelligent robots, but don't forget to have spaceships transform into portals to another galaxy, golems transform into hammers, and dwarves transform into super dwarves (their beards change color).

Addendum

In Juneuary all sins are forgiven, but only if you make it that far. So try not to be murdered by Mayvember wildmen.

Happy Spooky Mayvember

People don't know about Spooky Mayvember, but they don't know ghosts are real, either. To say nothing of the vampiroids. Celebrate with some, I don't know, eat some flowers or something. Everybody's just killing until Juneuary anyway.

Ghost Attack!

You're under attack by ghosts! What do you do?

1) Pray
2) Punch (ghost)
3) Punch (person who got you into this)
4) Charge gauge
5) Talk (ghost)
6) Repent
7) Reveal ghost form
8) Show badge (ghost)
9) Absorb ghostly energies to reach the next stage of your plan

Penetrate!! The Lawsuit Planet

"Dr. Ugari's digging machine really is something, but don't tell him I said so." The sonarman had leisure to talk, since the dense earth around the digger denied him the use of his instruments. If Professor Moxt was correct, that would change.
"Try honest praise for once, Mr. Jurven. The boost to your career may surprise you." Captain Ittel's casual tone, he hoped, disguised the excitement he and all the crew felt. Out of all the planets from the ice planet to the jungle planet, the lawsuit planet had to be the most boring. And yet, the respected Professor Moxt put forward so convincing a hypothesis that unbelievable finds waited beneath the layers of paperwork that had solidified into the planet's second crust that funds were raised and volunteers found for possibly the greatest expedition of the age. With Dr. Ugari's innovative drilling machine, the truth would be revealed.
The driller not only had to pierce through the layers of the planet but also accommodate the crews for the days the expedition was projected to take. And so it did, until at last Mr. Jurven reported his sonar gave results. They had reached an open area. Not a chamber or a building, but an entire hidden planet.
Exploring all of that was of course an impossible task, but the crew soon found a journal that explained everything."Another day on the mining planet. Boy, we mine so much stuff here, but there are so many accidents I wouldn't be surprised if this turns into the lawsuit planet someday!!! Color of the week: Russet."
Historians were stunned.
Finis

Developing Your Magic System

The most important factor to consider about the magic in your story is how sick it will look on the cover. Ideally it should look fully mega sick, but super rad sick might suffice if other elements of your story are enticing enough.

Addendum

Because it isn't.

Single-Biome Planets

Just because you only see a single biome doesn't mean that's all there is on the planet. Did you complain Earth is a nonsensical single-biome planet when you watched True Stories?