Andrew Moore's Blog, page 89

Home Decor

Where does the discriminating lady keep her jewels when not worn? In a box? Or in the mouth of a statue designed for that purpose? I think we all know.

Occupational Reminder

If a fantasy world has wizards, it will probably end up with people named Henry Wizard who aren't wizards at all. Same for necromancer, spellsword, summoner, and so on, mutatis mutandis.

Movie Industry Update

CGI still looks bad. It might actually look worse.

Cutting Things Into Strips Is a Real Hassle

The king on his proud seat received the colonists who were in his land by no arranged plan but rather by the caprice of gales and crashing waves. He listened to their story and made this response.
"If your bravery will hold for another such voyage, I will feed you and outfit you and send you on your way."
"You are a host among hosts and a king among kings," the colonists said. "Is there meaning though in that 'if?'"
The king called his servants to bring to him a chest, pointed out a great hide within it, and had them offer that to the colonists. "If you seek a sure home, you may find it here under my scepter and laws. You may have for your old customs, your former law, and whatever gods you carried hither just so much as you are able to cover with this mffgh." He shoved off the hide the colonists had thrown over him. "Clever, but to own the king is not to own the kingdom."
"We're gonna make you clean the chamber pots."
"I'll give you one-fifth of my kingdom not to do that."
"Deal!"
Finis

The Newest Publishing Trend

In order to put physical books back above digital where they belong, the last page of every book will say, "And the true hero was . . . YOU!" above a mirror embedded in the back cover. That's show those 1s and 0s the power of human emotion.

Addendum

"But between us and this pile of code, which is truly more human?" We are. Idiot.

AI Slowpokes

A lot of people are surprised by AIs writing junk. But why? Who did you think was writing all the stories that question the nature of humanity and decide computers totally count? Humans? Get real.

The Problem With Magic Spells

If it results in spells, it should be called spellmanship, spellufacture, or spellification.

A Good Way to Prevent Littering

Put up an equestrian statue in the town square that has hidden in its jewel teeth a spell to make people not want to litter.

Diversity and Innovation

I don't see why subjects, objects, and verbs have to agree all the time. Can't disagreement often lead to sounder conclusions?