Andrew Moore's Blog, page 81

Skeleton Morality

Once upon a time, skeletons looked at the birds, the saber-toothed tigers, the dinosaurs, and by that they realized they were naked.
"We must cover ourselves," half the skeletons said.
"We were created perfect and will only lose by it, like a covered statue," half argued.
They didn't agree. The half that wanted clothes hunted animals and wore them, and so became humans. Those that refused froze and shattered when the glaciers came, but afterward humans became rulers of the planet because of their shame. So must you cultivate virtue as well, for without it you are brittle.
Finis

Prerequisite for Dinosaur Fantasy

If the dinosaurs aren't going to have feathers because the paleontologists won't come clean, we have to give them sick armor and maces shaped like stegosaurus heads.

Addendum

While you're at it, give all the secondary charactes their own kingdoms. That gives you the backstory for your next story.

Proper Endings for Fantasy Main Characters

If the main character doesn't become king, there should probably be an appendix explaining he becomes king of some other place later. Even the first Dragon Quest understood this much.

Literature NEEDS This

Books with different printings, each of which only has four-fifths of the words so you have to trade with your friends.

Speaking of Fantasy Races

Make sure to give your snakepeople a lot of hisstory. Babang! Play me out, Dustin!

Pulleypunk

This is stupid. Don't do this one.



Heh, now those rubes will never realize pulleypunk is the next big thing.

Revisiting Old Ideas

Technology has solved problem after problem. It became unexceptional to read about this disease eradicated, that famine averted. The only difficulty, people expected, that could never be solved was achieving perfect government. They held that belief so firmly that nobody noticed when it was.
Join us now as we go behind the scenes to get a glimpse, if we can, of how this little lab ended the scourge of poor road repair, riots, and expensive campaigns all at once. Analysts assure us it's not mind control, but what if they're the ones being controlled? Ha, ha!
Here's Dr. Ermeyer. Give to us straight, Doc. What's the secret?
"Well, you know the old saying about magic and technology? We synthesized a chemical which gives people magic powers. After some trials, one thing led to another, and, well, the government is now run by immortal wizard-kings."
Amazing! What made you think to try that?
"We read a bunch of books with immortal wizard-kings in them. This was usually presented as a suboptimal situation, but quite frankly, none of us saw a good argument why. It seemed like a good arrangement to us. I'll leave it to the rest of you to judge."
There you have it. Magic is back, and it's more helpful, and less fell and dolorous, than ever! With the joys on offer today, our immortal wizard-kings don't need tyranny to have a good time. Even magic has been fixed by technology.
Finis

Fantasy Cuisine and Worldbuilding

Remember, pretty much all food is you cook something and maybe either dribble some sauce on it or drop it in there. Let's get to the next action scene already.

Profound Science Fiction Discussion Topic

If there are aliens who get it together enough to come to our planet, maybe we should just let them run things. What do you mean they want to eat us? Oh noooooooooo!
The topic is: What makes humans so delicious? Does it have something to do with marbling?