Andrew Moore's Blog, page 77

Tournament Edition

Every fantasy, science fiction, and romance book ought to have a spinoff about the characters in a fighting tournament. The exception is stories about fighting tournaments, which must instead have a spinoff about a cooking tournament.

Character Naming Method

Just open the Bible and put your finger on it randomly. It's a time-tested method. I just got "Looking for the Mercy," which is pretty fine.

Everything I Learned in Magic School Was Wrong Begins Now on Royal Road!

The newest fantastical ultra-story has started, and you can read it for zero dollars American. As for other currencies, I can't make any promises. Head on over to the place.

Mastery over all physical reality through magical rituals seems like a sure route to power and prosperity until you end up working regular hours and performing nothing but company-approved rituals. Commercial Ritualist Dirant Rikelta, fresh out of school, has to wonder what that point of his education was. Until he meets a god who lets him know the true purpose of his class, that is.

Science Fiction Design

A spaceship can have either a battery of moderately sized guns or one superhuge gun. Anything else will confuse and agitate the readers.

Another Cost-Saving Measure

Why don't we leave out all the words you aren't supposed to capitalize? Surely those aren't important. What's that? The title capitalization rules are stupid? Ha ha, what a thing to say.

Efficiency in Publishing

The next time you print a story, why not print a second story in those little spaces between lines and on the margin? It's good advertising and the consumer will appreciate it too.

The Consequences of Power

Mothers grabbed their children and fled when the man walked into town over the objections of the helpless sentries. A runner dashed through the streets and dodged the panicking subjects to inform his master of the disturbance and its cause.
"So, Growmaster Denphek is back? I'll go see what he wants." The man who controlled everything in the town laughed. He knew already. How could he not?
They met halfway between the entry and the palace. Neither hurried or tarried, and at last they confronted each other, again."Well, Mivol."
"Indeed, Denphek."
"Now look, Mivol. I've improved my powers in every way. Urragh!" Denphek grew to triple his height, and every other dimension increased accordingly. He looked down on his enemy of so many years. "You know, I don't think there's much to be gained from our fighting over and over like this. I'm going to give up this worthless feud."
A bold attack, but of course Reflector Mivol sent it back. "Really I could have handled several things better myself. Then we have to think about all the bandits around these days. They're arming themselves with starswords, if you can believe that. This town needs more protection than I can give it."
Long after, Growmasters and Reflectors remembered that battle as the purest expression of what it means to grow and reflect.
Finis

Lunar Ruminations

Do moon maids have longer skirts because of the gravity? I think they probably do. Under those skirts: neon go-go boots. Man, the moon is wild.

Baffling Transformations

Your readers will see it coming if your castle turns into a spaceship, so fool them all by having it transform into a slightly different castle. The mystery is too compelling! That's what they'll say.

Another Redwall Question

Did the humans all go to the moon? They did, right? It doesn't really seem post-apocalyptic.