Namita Das's Blog, page 8

From Meltdowns to Meaning: How to Nurture Social-Emotional Skills in Kids

A few days ago, something small—but huge—happened.

Kuku, my son, was playing with a classmate when the other boy suddenly snapped, “You can’t play this. You’re too slow.”

My heart clenched. Old memories flashed—of earlier years filled with tears, toy-grabbing, and loud, frustrated outbursts.

But this time?

Kuku just paused. Looked at him. Then walked away calmly and joined another group.

No yelling. No hitting. No tears.

He walked away. And it was in that quiet moment that I knew we’d been building something all along.

Why Do We Expect Kids to Act Like Adults?

Let’s be honest—most of us grew up being told:

“Say sorry.”“Don’t cry over small things.”“Be nice. Share.”

However, very few of us were taught how to actually process and express our feelings.

We expect kids to “know better” when they’re still figuring out what anger feels like in their bodies.

We want them to share before they even understand the concept of fairness.

We want apologies before they even feel regret.

And here’s where many of us struggle:

We try to correct behaviour, not coach the emotion behind it.

So What Are Social-Emotional Skills Really?

They’re not just “being polite” or “playing nice.”

They’re about teaching kids to:

Recognize emotions (in themselves and others)Express feelings in safe, constructive waysCope with frustration, disappointment, excitement, fearConnect with others through empathy, listening, and communicationProblem-solve when emotions get in the way of their goals

For children—especially those who are neurodivergent or highly sensitive—this doesn’t happen on its own.

It needs intentional, ongoing practice.

Here’s What Worked for Us (and Might Help You Too)

Over the years, we’ve tried and tested many tools. These are the ones that gently rewired how Kuku responds to the world:

1.    Name the Feeling, Not Just the Behavior

Instead of “Don’t yell,” I’d say, “Looks like your voice got loud because you were feeling frustrated. Want to take a break together?”

Labelling emotions builds a child’s emotional vocabulary—and trust.

2.    Use Pretend Play & Puppets

Puppets helped us model tricky situations:

“What if the bear takes the bunny’s toy?”

Role-playing gave him distance from the problem but closeness to the solution.

3.    Pause Practice: The Traffic Light Game

We played this often at home:

RED = Stop and breatheYELLOW = Think of what’s happeningGREEN = Choose a helpful action

Rehearsing this when calm made it easier to recall when upset.

4.    Books with Open-Ended Questions

We didn’t just read. We asked:

“What do you think she felt here?”

“What else could he have done?”

This turned storytime into empathy-building time.

Try This Activity at Home or School: The Emotion Toolbox

Help your child create their own Emotion Toolbox using items from around the house.

You’ll need:

A small box or pouchPaper & markersSmall calming tools (like a soft cloth, sensory ball, worry stone)

Inside the box:

Drawings of 3 faces: angry, sad, worriedA “cool-down” card: deep breathing or 5-4-3-2-1 grounding trick“What I Can Do” list: hug a toy, ask for space, get help, draw a picture

Let your child decorate and use it when big emotions hit. Over time, this becomes a go-to coping strategy.

Final Thoughts

You don’t have to get it right every time. I didn’t.

But every time you choose to coach, not control—connect, not correct—you build a child who knows how to feel, not just how to behave.

That’s emotional intelligence. That’s the heart of social-emotional growth.

And you’re the best person to teach it.

Need help to understand your child’s emotional world or behavior?

I offer 1:1 parent consultations to guide you with personalized strategies.

Click here to book a session

Let’s grow emotionally intelligent children—together.

Recommended Resources for Emotional Growth1.    Emotion Learning Toys Value Emotional Learning Toy – 42-piece set : Includes double-sided emotion flashcards (faces and coping suggestions) and expression pieces. A hands-on way to help children label emotions and choose calming strategies. Craftstory 116‑piece SEL Activity Kit : A flannel “face board” that children can build to mirror feelings and practice emotional expression through creative play. Kidszen “Draw Your Emotion” Board Game : Encourages kids to draw and talk about how they feel—perfect for strengthening emotional vocabulary and comfort with self-expression.

These tactile tools fit beautifully into your “Emotion Toolbox” activity—letting kids explore feelings through play and choice.

2.    Free Online Courses Social and Emotional Learning (SEL) in Schools : Covers core competencies like self-awareness, self-management, and relationship skills based on the CASEL framework—ideal for educators, parents, and therapists wanting evidence-based strategies. Develop Your Emotional Intelligence : Guides grown-ups through understanding emotions, empathy, relationship-building, and decision-making—great for enhancing your own emotional coaching skills at home. Emotional Intelligence in Early Childhood : Examines theories and peer relationship skills during early years—excellent for parents of younger siblings or for implementing emotion-focused activities classroom-wide.

All are free, self-paced, and include downloadable content and certification—adding professional-level insight to your parenting toolkit.

Why These MatterFeatureBenefitHands-on tools Encourage the practice of emotion naming and regulation through creative play.Online SEL coursesDeepen adult understanding of emotional skill-building and provide structured methods you can adopt at home.

Adding these to your toolkit gives children both practical toys to explore feelings and grown-up guidance to model and coach emotions more effectively.

Tip: You can blend both—try an emotional toy during an SEL lesson activity or pick a flashcard-role-play after a course tip. Let tools and learning grow together!

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“He’s Just Being Difficult”: The Dangerous Myth We’re Still Spreading About Autism

“He’s not autistic. He just wants attention.”

Those words stung.

I heard them in passing—from a well-meaning teacher talking about a boy who sat in the corner, covering his ears, humming to himself while the classroom buzzed with activity. He wasn’t harming anyone. He wasn’t disrupting the class. But he was different. And that, for many, was enough to dismiss his experience as bad behaviour.

I’ve learned that behind every behaviour is a message. But unfortunately, this one myth keeps getting in the way:

“Autistic kids are just being difficult.”The Myth That Won’t Die

Here’s the problem: labelling autistic behaviours as “naughty” or “attention-seeking” is not just outdated—it’s dangerous.

It leads to:

Children are misunderstood and isolated.Teachers and caregivers often miss the early signs of real needs.Families blame themselves instead of supporting their children.Autistic kids learn early on that the world isn’t built for them.

Behaviours like hand-flapping, avoiding eye contact, repeating phrases, or needing routines aren’t signs of disrespect or defiance. They’re coping tools. Communication styles. Anchors of comfort in an often overwhelming world.

A Personal Lens: What Kuku Taught Me

My son Kuku doesn’t have autism—he has ADHD—but I’ve noticed how quick people are to label any child who behaves “differently” as difficult. Before starting a task, Kuku dances sings, and even twirls around. It’s his way of focusing. A reset. A rhythm his brain understands.

But we’ve had days where even that small joy is met with sighs or stares.

“Can’t he just sit still?”“You’re too soft on him.”“Other kids don’t do this.”

These comments aren’t unique to ADHD. They echo across classrooms and homes where autistic children live, learn, and try to be themselves.

What’s Actually Going On?

What we often call misbehaviour is usually:

A way to regulate sensory overload.An attempt to communicate feelings with limited tools.A strategy to gain predictability in an unpredictable environment.

And guess what? Autistic kids aren’t trying to give us a hard time. They’re often having a hard time themselves.

What Can We Do Instead?

Here’s the good news: we can unlearn the myth and help others do the same. We can start today—with a shift in perspective and a dose of curiosity.

1.    Assume Positive Intent

Instead of “What’s wrong with this child?”, try:

“What is this child trying to tell me?”

2.    Observe Without Judgment

Behavior is data. Look for patterns. What happens before the behaviour? What helps? What makes it worse?

3.    Model Empathy Out Loud

Say things like:

“It looks like you’re having a hard time. I’m here.”“Let’s take a break together.”“I see that spinning is helping you feel calm.”

Even if the child doesn’t respond right away, your words build trust.

4.    A Simple Activity: “The Behavior Decoder”

Choose one moment in your day when a child behaves in a way that feels confusing.

Write down:

What happened right before the behaviour?What might the child be feeling or needing?How did you respond?What could you try next time?

Doing this regularly will help you spot patterns and respond more compassionately.

Final Thoughts

Autism isn’t bad behaviour. It’s a different way of experiencing the world. When we shift from correction to connection, we stop trying to change children—and start changing the environment around them.

Let’s stop spreading myths. Let’s start building understanding.

Have you ever caught yourself believing this myth? Or heard someone else say it? Share your experience in the comments. Let’s talk. Let’s grow.

Need support navigating behaviours, parenting, or classroom inclusion?

Book a 1:1 consultation here

Together, we’ll build a space where all children feel seen, safe, and celebrated.

Recommended Resources for Supporting Neurodiverse Children

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Sensory Toys

Engaging sensory toys can help children with autism and ADHD manage sensory input, reduce anxiety, and improve focus. Here are some top-rated options:

Livond Calming Sensory Toys (3-Pack Liquid Motion Bubbler Timers) These visually stimulating timers can help soothe and focus children.Wembley Busy Board Activity Binder: A soft felt binder with various activities to enhance fine motor skills and creativity. Sawkirp Darshraj Stretchy String Unicorn Toys Colorful, stretchy strings that provide tactile stimulation and stress relief.Free Online Courses

Enhance your understanding of autism spectrum disorder with these comprehensive, free courses:

Introduction to Autism Awareness and Support : Learn about Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), its signs, and supportive strategies to assist individuals effectively. Understanding the Autism Spectrum Disorder Delve into the psychology of autism and explore ways to support children in coping with its symptoms. Autism Spectrum Disorder in Early Childhood Focuses on the characteristics of ASD in young children and strategies for early intervention.

These resources can serve as valuable tools in creating an inclusive and supportive environment for neurodiverse children.

If you need personalised guidance or have specific concerns, please feel free to book a one-on-one consultation here. Let’s work together to support every child’s unique journey.

She’s Not Just Shy: The Hidden Struggles of Quiet Girls

When my son throws a tantrum, everyone notices.

There’s noise, tears, flailing arms, and a crowd of opinions.

But last week, while I was in a school waiting area, I noticed a girl curled up in the corner of the classroom. She wasn’t crying. She wasn’t fidgeting.

She just… sat there—quiet, eyes distant, doodling endless spirals on her notebook.

A teacher passed by and said, “Oh, she’s fine. She’s always like that—so quiet, never gives us any trouble.”

But—my heart tugged.

Because silence isn’t always peace.

The Girls Who Disappear in Plain Sight

We’ve been trained to look for the loudest child in the room—the one who bites, yells, runs, resists. And yes, those children need our love and attention.

But what about the girls who:

Smile automatically, even when uncomfortable?Say, “I’m fine”, because they don’t want to upset anyone?Play the background character in every game—not because they want to, but because they don’t believe they can lead?Feel intense anxiety but express it through perfectionism, stomach aches, or over-apologising?

These girls are often misread as shy, sensitive, well-behaved, or dreamy.

In reality, they’re masking, internalising, and sometimes… slowly disconnecting.

Why This Happens (And Why It Matters)

From a very young age, girls—especially neurodivergent girls—pick up on social cues faster than we think. They learn:

To please rather than expressTo comply rather than questionTo fit in, even if it means erasing themselves

They don’t throw blocks when frustrated—they clench their fists behind their back.

They don’t scream when routines shift—they hold their breath and panic inside.

They don’t hit—they withdraw.

The problem is we reward this.

We say, “She’s so mature.”

“She’s so easy.”

“She never gives any trouble.”

But emotional pain that doesn’t scream is still pain.

And the longer it’s ignored, the harder it becomes for the child to understand her own needs and voice.

What You Can Do – Small Steps, Big Impact

Here are some gentle yet powerful ways to support the quiet girls who might be struggling under the radar:

1.      Use Open-Ended Play Prompts

Instead of asking “How was your day?” (which often gets a “Fine”), try:

 “Let’s pretend your doll had a weird school day. What happened?”

 “Can you draw how your tummy felt at lunchtime today?”

This helps her symbolically express what she can’t yet say aloud.

2.      Normalise Feelings, Not Just Behaviors

Say things like:

“You don’t have to smile if you don’t feel like it.”“It’s okay to feel nervous when trying something new.”“You can say no if you’re uncomfortable.”

Give her language to identify internal experiences, not just external actions.

3.      Watch for Non-Verbal Cues

Is she always “fine”, but her shoulders are tense?

Does she “play” but always take the background role?

Is she always perfect—but cries alone when no one is watching?

These are not personality traits—they may be coping strategies.

4.      Create Safe Check-In Rituals

Start a “feelings journal” together. Use emojis or colours if she’s younger.

Give her a quiet 5-minute space each day where she can decompress without judgment.

5.      Tell Stories Where Girls Take Up Space

Read or create stories where girls lead, feel, mess up, speak out, and still belong.

Let her know you don’t have to be perfect to be loved.

One Simple Activity to Try Today:

The Puppet Problem Game

Choose a puppet or soft toy and say:

“This is Lila. She’s scared to tell her teacher that she didn’t understand the homework. What should Lila do?”

Let your child respond and guide the puppet. This gives her psychological distance to practice real-life emotional skills safely and playfully.

Final Thoughts

Not every child who’s quiet is struggling—but many are. And girls, especially, have been trained to be easy, be polite, be small.

But we’re not here to raise easy children—we’re here to raise whole ones.

Let’s stop rewarding silence. Let’s start listening deeper.

Have you ever met a child who seemed ‘fine’—but something felt off? Share your experience in the comments.

Need guidance or want to talk through something you’ve observed?

You can book a 1:1 consult here: https://topmate.io/namita_das11

Together, let’s make every child feel seen—even the quiet ones.

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Recommended Resources to Support Emotional Development in GirlsFree Online Courses on Child Psychology Diploma in Child Psychology : This comprehensive course explores the developmental stages of childhood, attachment theories, and the impact of various parenting styles. It’s ideal for those seeking to understand children’s behaviours and provide them with appropriate support. Child Psychology: The Importance of Play Explore how play influences cognitive, social, and emotional development. This course offers insights into integrating play-based strategies to foster healthy growth in children. Child Psychology – Managing Development Understand the psychological aspects of children’s growth across different age groups, including common challenges and practical approaches for support.Engaging Tools for Emotional ExpressionPP OPOUNT 42-Piece Social Emotional Learning Toy. This set includes emotion flashcards and interchangeable facial features, enabling children to recognise and express various emotions, thereby enhancing their emotional intelligence.ATORSE Kids Social Emotional Learning Faces Game: A creative toy that allows children to create different facial expressions, facilitating discussions about feelings and promoting emotional awareness. Smartivity EQ Building Kit Designed for children aged 4 to 8, this kit combines play with learning to develop emotional and social skills through engaging activities.

Integrating these courses and tools into your daily interactions can provide children with the necessary support to navigate their emotions effectively. They serve as practical extensions to the strategies discussed in your blog, offering both educational and interactive means to address the often-overlooked emotional needs of young girls.

For personalised guidance tailored to your child’s unique needs, feel free to book a one-on-one consultation with us. Together, we can create a supportive environment that empowers every child to express themselves confidently.

Book a 1:1 Consultation.

Why Kids Dread Reading Aloud — And How You Can Gently Help Them Find Their Voice

“Mama, I’d rather do 10 maths sums than read aloud.”

That’s what my son, Kuku, said one evening, eyes wide with dread as I handed him a picture book we’d read a dozen times before.

Now, here’s the thing. Kuku loves stories. He acts them out with his toys. He corrects my plot twists when I tell bedtime tales. But ask him to read a few lines aloud, and suddenly, he’s thirsty, sleepy, or needs to check if the fan’s making a strange sound.

Sound familiar?

He’s not alone.

Two-thirds of Young Readers Say They Fear Reading Aloud

Let that sink in. Two out of every three children you know may be silently dreading something as simple—and as crucial—as reading out loud.

And no, the problem isn’t laziness. Or screen addiction.

The fear is deeper, quieter, and easy to miss unless we pause and really look.

What’s Really Going On Behind That Fear

Kids like Kuku often associate reading aloud with:

Being corrected in front of othersPeers laughing at mispronunciationsTeachers or parents unknowingly rush them or sigh in frustrationFeeling slower or “not as smart” as others in the room

The brain, when anxious, doesn’t care if it’s a tiger in the jungle or a tricky word in a classroom. It just wants to protect.

So, instead of focusing on decoding the word, the child’s brain goes into fight, flight, or freeze.

They skip lines, mumble through words, or shut down entirely.

And once this becomes a pattern, they associate reading with stress—precisely the opposite of what we want.

What Helped Us: A Shift in Lens

One day, I gave Kuku a book and said,

“You don’t have to read. Just pretend you’re the lion in this story and roar wherever you want.”

He laughed. Then roared.

Then, read the line before the roar. Then the one after.

And just like that, he was reading aloud without fear because the focus shifted from accuracy to expression.

That’s when it hit me—we weren’t dealing with a reading problem.

We were dealing with a confidence problem.

How You Can Support Your Child (Without a Single Flashcard)

Here are a few ideas we’ve tried at home and in sessions:

1.    The Mistake Jar

Keep a small jar where every brave mistake earns a token.

At the end of the week, celebrate those mistakes—they show effort, not failure.

2.    Read to a Toy or Pet

Lower the stakes. Let your child read aloud to a teddy, a favourite action figure, or the family dog. No pressure. Just joy.

3.    Echo Reading

You read a line. They echo it. It builds rhythm, tone, and, most importantly, comfort.

4.    Funny Voice Game

Assign silly voices—robot, pirate, whisper—for each page. Fear disappears when fun walks in.

5.    Build a “Bravery Ladder”

Start with 1:1 reading, then gradually add in a sibling, a friend, or a grandparent.

A Note from One Parent to Another

Your child’s fear of reading aloud doesn’t mean they’re behind.

It means they need safety before success.

Let’s give them that safe space—with our tone, our patience, and our playful presence.

You don’t have to wait for the next parent-teacher meeting to “fix” reading.

You can heal it right from your living room.

Want a free printable with 10 playful strategies to make reading aloud fun again?

Drop a READ JOY in the comments or message me directly.

Need personalized support? I offer one-on-one consultations to help you create a calm, confidence-boosting reading environment at home.

Book here

You’ve got this. And I’m right here cheering for you.

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Recommended Resources to Support Your Child’s Reading Journey

To further assist your child in overcoming the fear of reading aloud and to make the experience more enjoyable, here are some curated resources:

Engaging Read-Aloud Books There’s a Monster in Your Book : An interactive tale that invites children to engage physically with the book, making reading a playful activity. Duck! Rabbit! : This book plays with visual perception, encouraging discussions and critical thinking during read-aloud sessions. Read Me a Story, Please : A collection of short stories perfect for bedtime, fostering a love for storytelling.Phonics Learning Tools Playtime Bus with Phonics : Combines music and phonics to create an engaging learning experience for children. Learning Resources Playfoam Alphabet Set : Offers a tactile approach to learning letters, beneficial for sensory development. Alphablocks Clip & Learn Phonics Fun : Provides clip-on letters to build words, enhancing fine motor skills and phonemic awareness.Online Course for Parents Signs and Tips to Prepare Your Child for Literacy Success : This free course offers insights into recognizing reading readiness and provides practical strategies to support your child’s literacy development.

Incorporating these resources into your child’s daily routine can transform reading time into a fun and stress-free experience, helping them build confidence and develop a lifelong love for reading.

The Truth About Addiction: What Every Parent Needs to Know

“Can I just have five more minutes on the tablet? Please? Just one more video.”

My son’s voice was calm. Polite. Not whining or yelling.

But I knew that tone—it wasn’t about entertainment anymore.

It was his nervous system saying, “I don’t feel okay, and this helps me feel better.”

And right there, I saw the truth about addiction—one I was never taught as a child or even as a young adult.

We were told:

Addiction is about drugs.

It only happens to “other” people.

You just need to have willpower.

But here’s the thing. Addiction isn’t always dramatic or destructive at first glance.

Sometimes, it’s subtle.

Sometimes, it hides behind screens, snacks, shopping, or scrolling.

And often—it begins in childhood.

The Comfort Trap: When Coping Turns Into Clinging

I see this all the time.

Children—especially those with ADHD, anxiety, or sensory needs—often find refuge in certain routines or objects:

The tablet after schoolThe same cartoon on loopSnacking every 30 minutesClutching a comfort toy even during play

We may shrug it off.

“They’re just kids.”

“They’ll grow out of it.”

But when a behaviour becomes a non-negotiable escape from feelings, they don’t know how to handle it…

That’s when the line blurs.

And let’s be honest—we do it too.

The Problem Isn’t the Habit—It’s the Need Behind It

Here’s what I’ve learned (and unlearned):

People—kids included—rarely become “addicted” to a thing.

They become attached to the feeling of relief it brings.

That sense of calm. Control. Escape.

Because their body doesn’t yet know how to process discomfort without it.

What does that look like in real life?

A child turns to screens every time they’re bored or overstimulated.A parent collapses into late-night binge-watching to avoid the anxiety of tomorrow.A teen scrolls endlessly because it’s the only time they feel numb.

That’s not a lack of discipline.

That’s the brain asking for help.

So What Can We Do Differently?

No lectures.

No shame.

No yanking away the “thing” they cling to.

Instead, we gently build new bridges to relief—ones that come from connection, not compulsion.

Here are a few tips and small changes that work beautifully at home or in the classroom:

1.    Name the Feeling, Not the Behaviour

Instead of:

“You’re always on the tablet!”Try:“Looks like you’re feeling tired and need a break. Want to come snuggle or do something fun together?”

You’re teaching them to identify and express emotions rather than act on them.

2.    Offer “Comfort Swaps”

Create a comfort menu your child can choose from when overwhelmed.

Include options like:

Bubble poppingDrawing a silly monsterDancing to one fun songBuilding a Lego “calm cave”Squeezing a pillow tight

Let them pick their “go-to” comfort from this list before reaching for the tablet or snack.

3.    Use Connection as a Regulator

Even 5 minutes of playful, eye-level interaction (think: jokes, silly sounds, charades) can rewire a child’s need for relief through objects.

Because regulation doesn’t come from control—it comes from connection.

4.    Create an “I’m Okay” Box

Let your child decorate a small box with things that make them feel safe and calm:

A soft fabric squareA picture of you togetherA tiny storybookA scent pouch (lavender works well!)

  When they feel overwhelmed, this becomes a physical reminder: I have tools. I am not alone.

Final Thoughts

Addiction isn’t just about substances.

It’s about trying to escape discomfort—without the tools to face it.

But we can teach our children differently.

We can model it.

We can practice it.

We can offer them safety through playful connection and quiet presence.

Because the opposite of addiction… isn’t just sobriety.

It’s belonging.

It’s being seen.

It’s feeling safe enough to sit with your feelings—and knowing someone’s sitting with you.

Need help to support your child through emotional regulation, screen-time struggles, or anxious habits?

Let’s talk. You can book a 1:1 parent support session with me here: https://topmate.io/namita_das11

And if this post made you think differently—share it.

You never know who might need a gentler understanding of what addiction really looks like.

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Recommended Tools & Resources Purrble Companion – Interactive Calming Plush Purrble is an interactive plush companion designed to help children calm themselves in moments of stress. With a dynamic heartbeat and responsive sensors, it teaches kids to manage big emotions through soothing interactions.Hand2Mind See My Feelings Mirror. This child-safe mirror features diverse photos of real children expressing various emotions, helping kids recognise and articulate their feelings. It’s a valuable tool for developing emotional intelligence.EMOMEE 3-in-1 Calm Farm Kit: A sensory play set that includes animal toys, a sequence game, and pretend play elements designed to promote emotional regulation and mindfulness in children. Understanding Anxiety, Depression, and CBT This free online course offers insights into anxiety and depression, along with cognitive behavioural therapy techniques. It’s beneficial for parents seeking to understand and support their children’s emotional needs. Diploma in Child Psychology Gain a deeper understanding of child development and psychological factors affecting children’s behaviour. This course is ideal for parents and educators aiming to support children’s mental health effectively.

These resources are designed to provide practical support and deepen your understanding of emotional regulation and coping strategies in children.

If you need personalised guidance or have specific concerns, feel free to book a 1:1 consultation with us here: https://topmate.io/namita_das11.

Remember, fostering emotional resilience in children is a journey, and you’re not alone on this path.

Preparing Our Child for a Future Without Us: The Retirement Talk No One Warns Special Needs Parents About

I was refolding the laundry (for the third time that day because my little tornado had turned it into a fort again) when Kuku asked me something that stopped me in my tracks.

“Mumma, when you’re old like a granny , will I take care of you, or will you still pack my snacks?”

He said it with a cheeky grin, dancing around in mismatched socks. But I felt a lump rise in my throat.

Honestly, I don’t think about retirement the way most parents do.

For many, retirement is about slowing down, travelling, or finally reading all those books gathering dust.

For parents of neurodiverse kids like mine, it’s a different story.

The Silent, Sleepless Question

We don’t lie awake wondering about beach houses.

We lie awake wondering if our children will be understood, safe, included, and treated with dignity after we’re no longer there to protect them.

What happens when I’m not around to explain that the meltdown wasn’t defiance—it was overwhelming?What if someone doesn’t know his cues and misreads his silence for rudeness?Who will advocate, adjust, fight, and love… the way I do?

We rarely talk about this as a community, yet it’s one of our biggest fears.

And here’s the truth no one tells you: retirement, for us, is not an age. It’s a legacy.

So, What Do We Do About It?

While I don’t have all the answers (who does?), here’s what I have learned:

We can’t control the future.

But we can equip our children with tools that outlive us.

Not perfectly. Not all at once. But consistently, creatively, and lovingly.

 Gentle but Powerful Ways to Prepare Your Child for a Future Without YouBuild Independence Through Everyday Routines

   Turn daily tasks into mini-missions. Let them help pack their own bag, lay out clothes, or make a simple snack. Use visual checklists and lots of encouragement.

Practice Flexible Thinking with Role Plays

   Life won’t always go as planned. Act out scenarios like “the bus is late” or “my favourite shirt is in the wash” — and explore different ways to handle the changes together.

Create a “Circle of Safe Adults” Map

   Draw a simple network with pictures or names of trusted adults they can go to. Reinforce this regularly through stories, reminders, and small visits.

Name and Navigate Emotions Together

   Use stories, toys, or even mirror games to help your child identify feelings. Teach phrases like “I feel ___ because ___” and model how to ask for help calmly.

Celebrate Tiny Wins Loudly

   Every new skill—no matter how small—is a step toward a future where they can say, “I’ve got this, Mumma.”

One Activity to Try This Week: The “Power Jar”

Materials: An empty jar, small papers, coloured pens.

Each time your child does something independently (packs a bag, uses a calming strategy, initiates a conversation), write it down and drop it in the jar.

At the end of the week, sit together and read them out loud. Celebrate with a special snack or a dance party.

You’re not just building their skills.

You’re building their belief in themselves.

You’re Not Alone, and You Don’t Have to Do This Alone

This path isn’t easy, but it’s not one you have to walk by yourself.

If you need someone to help you build a step-by-step plan that suits your child’s unique needs,

Click here to book a 1:1 consultation with me: https://topmate.io/namita_das11

Together, we can create a roadmap of skills, strategies, and confidence—for both of you.

Because preparing for “after us” starts with us. And that’s the bravest thing we’ll ever do.

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Recommended Resources for Empowering Your Child’s Independence

Building a secure future for your child involves equipping yourself with the proper knowledge and tools. Here are some free online courses that can guide you in this journey:

Care of Young Children and Special Needs : This course provides practical guidance on daily care routines, hygiene, nutrition, and sleep patterns specifically tailored for children with special needs. It emphasises the importance of establishing healthy habits at an early age.Special Needs School Shadow Support Learn techniques to support children with autism and ADHD in educational settings. This course covers strategies for managing meltdowns, using visual aids, and promoting inclusive learning environments. Advanced Parenting Skills Enhance your parenting approach with advanced strategies to foster positive behaviour and emotional resilience in your child. This course delves into effective communication and relationship-building techniques. Positive Parenting Skills and Techniques Focus on building strong family bonds and a nurturing environment through positive parenting practices. This course provides insights into developing supportive relationships with your child.

These courses are free and can be completed at your own pace, making them accessible resources for busy parents. By investing time in these educational tools, you can better prepare your child for a future where they can thrive independently.

If you need personalised guidance tailored to your child’s unique needs, feel free to book a 1:1 consultation with me. Together, we can create a customised plan to support your child’s journey toward independence.

Book a Consultation

Remember, every step you take today lays the foundation for your child’s tomorrow.

Could I Be Autistic? A Gentle Guide for Adults Who’ve Always Felt ‘Different’

“Why do I feel like I missed a class everyone else attended?”

That’s what Rina, a mother of two and a brilliant graphic designer, said to me during a quiet moment after one of our parent support group sessions.

She was talking about how hard it was to keep up appearances.

How she rehearsed conversations in her head before parties.

She smiled at the right time and nodded along but felt completely disconnected.

How she needed hours—even days—to recover after a family wedding.

She always thought it was social anxiety. Or being an introvert. Or just being “weird.”

But when her 6-year-old son was being assessed for autism, something shifted.

The psychologist described things like sensory overload, rigid routines, and emotional regulation challenges—and Rina sat there, frozen.

Because she wasn’t thinking about her son anymore.

She was thinking about herself.

The Missed Chapter: Autism in Adults

Let’s be honest—when we talk about autism, we’re often shown images of children, primarily boys, lining up toys or flapping their hands.

We’re not taught to recognise it in grown-ups.

Especially not in women.

Especially not in parents.

Especially not in people who seem like they have it “all together.”

But that’s the thing about masking.

It hides everything—until it doesn’t.

What Autism Can Look Like in Adults (That No One Told Us)

Here are some signs that often go unnoticed in adults, especially women and highly verbal individuals:

Exhaustion from social interactions (even if you’re outgoing)Intense special interests often mistaken as being “obsessed.”Shutting down or “zoning out” in overwhelming situationsMimicking others in conversations or copying social scriptsOverthinking everything—especially after interactionsSensory sensitivities—tags on clothes, bright lights, certain textures or soundsDifficulty with small talk, but deep, meaningful conversations feel naturalStruggles with transitions, even small ones (like switching tasks or routines)Extreme empathy, but feeling emotionally dysregulated or overwhelmed by it

It’s often subtle. But the emotional cost is high.

Why It’s So Easy to Miss

Because most adults with undiagnosed autism have spent decades learning how to fit in.

They become masters of mimicry.

They hold eye contact, even if it burns.

They host birthday parties, even if the noise makes their skin crawl.

They take on jobs, relationships, and roles that don’t align with who they really are—because they’ve been taught to ignore their needs.

And it works… until burnout hits.

Until their child’s diagnosis becomes their mirror.

So, What Now?

If you’re reading this and thinking, “Wait, this sounds like me…”

Let’s pause.

Take a breath.

You’re not broken. You’ve adapted beautifully.

But you don’t need to survive anymore. You can start thriving.

Here are a few gentle first steps you can take:

5 Self-Discovery Prompts to Try This Week

Grab a notebook. Give yourself 10 quiet minutes a day.

When do I feel most like myself?Which situations leave me drained or anxious—even if I “handled” them well?What are my sensory likes and dislikes (sounds, textures, smells)?What did I love doing as a child that I’ve stopped doing?If I didn’t have to “perform” for anyone, what would I change about my routine?

You don’t have to label yourself today.

But you do deserve to explore your truth.

You’re Not Too Much. You’ve Just Been Misunderstood.

At EducateAble, I hold space for stories like yours.

For parents, teachers, professionals—and even little versions of us still healing inside.

If this blog resonated with you or someone you care about, know this:

Support exists. And so does peace.

Feeling seen? Let me know in the comments.

Do you need a safe space to discuss it? Book a 1:1 consult with me here: https://topmate.io/namita_das11.

We’re rewriting the manual together.

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Recommended Resources for Your Self-Discovery Journey

Suppose you’re beginning to explore the possibility of being on the autism spectrum. In that case, these thoughtfully curated resources can support your understanding and personal growth:

Books for Insight and EmpowermentAutism for Adults: An Approachable Guide to Living Excellently on the Spectrum: A comprehensive and humorous guide offering practical advice for autistic adults seeking to navigate life with confidence.Unmasking Adult Autism: Embracing Your Autistic Identity. This transformative toolkit helps you break free from societal expectations and discover your authentic self.Thriving with Autism: A Personal Growth Guide for Autistic Adults Designed to help autistic adults embrace their identity and create a fulfilling life tailored to their needs.

Sensory Tools for Daily Comfort

EZ LIVING Ultimate Sensory Toys for Stress Relief: A set of squishy, stretchy, and tactile playthings designed to provide calming and focus-enhancing experiences for both kids and adults.Infinity Cube Fidget Toy: A compact and portable fidget toy that helps alleviate stress and anxiety, suitable for individuals with ADHD and autism.The Sensory Fidget Worm Toy is uniquely designed to provide sensory stimulation and stress relief, making it an excellent gift for individuals with ADHD and autism.Free Online Courses for Deeper UnderstandingIntroduction to Autism Awareness and Support: This course explores Autism Spectrum Disorder, focusing on person-centred approaches to enhance social and communication skills. Assisting Older Adults with Autism Focused on supporting older adults with autism, this course addresses challenges and strategies for creating nurturing environments.Foundations of Autism Awareness and Support: A comprehensive course covering key autism concepts, communication styles, and inclusive support strategies.

Remember, understanding yourself is a journey. These resources are here to support and guide you every step of the way. If you need personalised assistance or have questions, please don’t hesitate to reach out for a one-on-one consultation. Book a Session

Driving with Neurodiverse Kids: What Every Parent Needs to Know About Safety and Calm

“Are we there yet?” That question — or some variation of it — has probably echoed in your car more times than you can count. For me, car rides have always been a mix of calm moments and testing times.

One afternoon, just a few minutes into a drive, I noticed Kuku getting restless. His little fingers started tapping, his gaze darted to the window, then to the clock on the dashboard. The familiar question came again, louder this time: “Mumma, are we there yet? When will we get there?” I could feel the impatience and discomfort bubbling beneath his words. It wasn’t just boredom—it was a struggle to manage the wait, to tolerate the sensory experience of sitting still in a moving box with limited control.

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Many parents underestimate the challenges neurodiverse children face during car rides and the driving risks that come with them.

The Hidden Risks of Driving with Neurodiverse Children

You might think, “It’s just a car ride. How risky can it be?” But for children with ADHD, Autism, sensory processing differences, or other neurodiverse conditions, car rides can bring unique challenges:

Impatience and Difficulty Waiting: Many neurodiverse kids have trouble understanding and managing time. The abstract concept of “How long until we get there?” can be confusing and frustrating.Sensory Overload: The combination of engine noise, changing scenery, vibrations, and even sunlight through the windows can overwhelm a child’s senses.Impulsivity and Risky Behaviour: Restlessness may lead to unbuckling seatbelts, opening windows, or attempting to exit their car seat prematurely.Emotional Dysregulation: Feelings of anxiety, frustration, or boredom can escalate quickly, leading to meltdowns or outbursts.

All these factors make car rides a potential hotspot for risk — both physical safety and emotional well-being.

Why Do These Behaviors Happen?

Understanding why these behaviours happen is the first step toward reducing risk. When a child asks, “Are we there yet?” repeatedly or tries to open a door, it’s not defiance — it’s a way of expressing discomfort, seeking control, or trying to self-soothe.

I’ve learned that what appears to be misbehaviour is often a cry for help in regulating emotions or making sense of an experience.

Practical Tips to Make Car Rides Safer and Calmer

Here are some strategies I’ve found effective, blending therapeutic insight with real parenting:

Create a Predictable Routine:

Before every trip, establish a clear, consistent routine. For example, buckle up →, choose a song →, hold a favourite toy →, and start the countdown to arrival with simple visual cues.

Use Visual Timers or Maps:

Visual tools help children “see” time passing. A timer or a simple picture map showing stops along the way can help them understand and anticipate the journey.

Pack a Sensory-Friendly Car Kit:

Include fidget toys, a chewable necklace, noise-cancelling headphones, or a soft blanket—anything that can help your child manage sensory input and stay calm.

Offer Small Rewards and Praise:

Positive reinforcement works wonders. Celebrate moments when your child stays buckled, asks questions calmly, or uses coping tools. Even a simple “You’re doing great” can boost their confidence.

Practice Deep Breathing or Quiet Games:

Teach your child simple breathing exercises or games like “I Spy” or “Count the Blue Cars.” These engage their focus and help shift attention away from discomfort.

An Actionable Activity to Try Today: The “Car Ride Story Game”

Turn waiting into connection. Before your next drive, start a story together. You say one sentence, and then your child adds one. Keep going, weaving a fun tale about your destination or an imaginary adventure. This game distracts from impatience, encourages imagination, and strengthens your bond.

Final Thoughts

Driving risks with neurodiverse children aren’t just about physical safety—they’re about emotional safety, too. When we tune into their experience, offer predictability, and give them tools to cope, car rides become less stressful and more enjoyable for everyone.

Remember, it’s not about “fixing” behaviour. It’s about understanding why it happens—and meeting your child with patience and compassion every mile of the way.

If you found this helpful, feel free to share your own car ride stories or questions in the comments below! If you want personalized support tailored to your family’s needs, you can book a 1:1 consultation with me here: https://topmate.io/namita_das11.

Safe travels and happy parenting!

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Recommended Products for Calmer Car Rides Baby Sensory Montessori Fidget Toy This pull-string, fine motor skills toy is designed to keep little hands engaged and calm during travel. Its pop buttons and sliders are perfect for children who benefit from tactile stimulation.LiKee Fidget Popper Sensory Toy: A colourful, insect-themed push-button toy that captivates toddlers and aids in developing hand-eye coordination. Ideal for keeping children entertained and focused during car journeys. ATORSE Sensory Activity Board This silicone fidget activity board offers various textures and activities to enhance attention span and improve coordination skills, making it a great companion for long drives. Wembley Suction Spinner Toy Featuring adorable cartoon images, this waterproof spinner toy is designed to attract and captivate toddlers, improving hand-eye coordination and patience during travel.Recommended Online Course for ParentsDiploma in Early Childhood Care and Education: This free online course offers valuable insights into child development, including strategies for managing challenging behaviours and creating supportive environments for children. It’s an excellent resource for parents seeking to understand and support their child’s needs during car rides and beyond.

By incorporating these products and resources, you can create a more comfortable and supportive environment for your child during car rides. Remember, small changes can make a big difference in transforming travel time into a positive experience for both you and your child.

What I Learned After Years of Advocating for My Child at School

“He’s just being naughty.”

That’s what the teacher said the first time I mentioned my son’s behaviour in class.

He was 5.

Restless. Curious. Easily distracted. 

Quick to shout answers. Always moving. Always touching. 

And somehow,… always in trouble.

I remember sitting in that tiny plastic chair during our first parent-teacher meeting, my hands gripping my lap, my heart thumping. The words “lack of discipline” and “maybe he needs stricter boundaries” kept ringing in my ears.

But deep down, I knew. 

Something didn’t feel right. 

This wasn’t about discipline. This was about being different in a system built for sameness.

The Invisible Work of Advocacy

Advocating for your child—especially when they don’t fit the standard mould—feels like navigating a never-ending maze.

You start off hopeful. 

You gather notes. You write emails. You ask questions.

Then comes the resistance. The subtle eye-rolls. The polite dismissals. 

Sometimes, even other parents say things like: “Maybe he just needs more structure at home.”

And it hurts. Not because they’re right. But because they don’t see the hours you’ve spent learning, adjusting, loving, and trying.

I’ve been there. I am there.

I’ve worn every hat and sat on both sides of the table. And here’s the raw truth:

Schools are not always ready for our children. But we can help them get there.

What I’ve Learned (The Hard Way)Teachers aren’t the enemy—but they’re not always trained. 

   Most teachers want to help. However, they may not have the tools to understand neurodiversity. Instead of fighting, I started sharing bite-sized strategies: “Can we try letting him stand while working today?” or “He does better when given a 2-minute warning before transitions.”

Your child needs a translator. That’s YOU. 

   My son’s “hyperactivity” was his way of saying: I’m overwhelmed. I can’t sit still anymore. 

   I became his interpreter—explaining his cues and helping his teachers see the child behind the behaviour.

Progress isn’t linear—and that’s okay. 

   Some weeks, he aces spelling. Other weeks, we celebrate that he stayed seated for 10 minutes without needing a break. Both are wins. 

   I stopped comparing him to other kids and started tracking his progress only.

Connection before correction. Always. 

   No learning happens when a child feels judged or rejected. I noticed that the moment teachers connected with him—played with him, asked about his favourite song—his behaviour improved significantly.

Want to Try This at Home? Here’s an Activity That Helped Us Hugely:

“The Feelings Toolbox” – a weekly family ritual

What You Need: 

An old shoebox Some paper Markers or crayons Small objects or toys that represent feelings (e.g., a mini flashlight = “I feel seen,” a rock = “I feel heavy,” a feather = “I feel light,” etc.)

What You Do: 

Once a week (we do Sundays), sit down as a family and “check-in” using the toolbox. 

Let your child pick 2-3 items or feelings and talk about their week.

Ask: 

“When did you feel proud this week?” “Was there a moment you felt invisible?” “What was hard at school?” 

No interruptions. No “correcting” their feelings. Just listening.

This simple act opened up our world. Suddenly, school wasn’t just a place of anxiety—it became part of our shared story.

A Note for You, Dear Parent

If you feel like you’re always the one sending emails, asking questions, and requesting “just five minutes” with the teacher…

You are not too much. 

You are not overreacting. 

You are not alone.

You’re a lighthouse in foggy waters. 

And your child sees that light—even when they can’t put it into words.

Need help figuring out how to advocate without burning out? I’m here. 

Let’s talk—whether it’s creating an IEP strategy, decoding classroom behaviour, or just being heard. 

Book a 1:1 session here: https://topmate.io/namita_das11

Share your experience in the comments: What’s been your biggest challenge when advocating for your child in school?

Together, we can make classrooms feel a little more human—and a lot more hopeful.

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Recommended Resources for Parents Advocating for Neurodiverse Children

If you’re navigating the journey of supporting a neurodiverse child, equipping yourself with the right tools and knowledge can make a significant difference. Here are some curated resources to assist you:

Free Online Courses

Enhance your understanding and strategies with these comprehensive courses:

ADHD in Child Development

  Delve into the symptoms, subtypes, and treatments of ADHD, and explore how parenting styles can impact a child’s development.

Teaching: How to Promote Positive Behaviour in Children and Youth

  Learn techniques to cultivate supportive school environments and prevent negative behaviours through the use of positive reinforcement strategies.

Hyperactivity Disorder in Children

  Gain insights into managing hyperactivity in children both at home and in educational settings.

Child Development: Play Therapy

  Understand the role of play in helping children overcome emotional and behavioural challenges.

Early Childhood Anger Management

  Explore strategies to help children manage anger and develop emotional regulation skills.

Helpful Products for Home and School

Enhance your child’s daily routine and learning experience with these recommended products:

2-in-1 Routine Chart Kid Visual Schedule Calendar Chart: This visual schedule helps children understand daily routines, promotes independence, and reduces anxiety. Thriving with ADHD Workbook for Kids: 60 Fun Activities : Packed with engaging activities, this workbook helps children develop focus, self-regulation, and organizational skills. Learning Resources Cool Down Cubes Sensory Fidget Set : These sensory tools provide tactile stimulation, helping children manage stress and improve concentration. 2.4G Wireless Bluetooth Gaming Headphones ONIKUMA B100 : Designed for comfort and noise reduction, these headphones can help children focus in noisy environments. Oxford Phonics World 3: Long Vowels : This resource supports phonics learning, helping children develop reading and pronunciation skills.Let’s Connect

Every child’s journey is unique, and sometimes, personalized guidance can make all the difference. If you’re seeking tailored strategies or just someone to talk to, we’re here for you.

Book a 1:1 consultation with us here: https://topmate.io/namita_das11

Your advocacy matters, and together, we can create supportive environments where every child thrives.

After the Diagnosis: Navigating the Emotional Earthquake Parents Never Talk About

I still remember the moment I got the call.

A clinical voice.

A list of observations.

A diagnosis.

I nodded through the phone, wrote down the terms, and even thanked the psychologist.

And then I sat in my kitchen, staring at the empty teacup in my hand…

and felt like the worst mother in the world.

“Why didn’t I see it sooner?”

That question haunted me.

My son—my bright, bouncy, butterfly-chasing boy—was now labelled.

And suddenly, I found myself rewinding the last 7 years like an old cassette tape.

Was it the way he clung to me in crowded places?

The way he memorized dinosaur names but struggled to say “thank you”?

The tantrums at birthday parties?

The sound sensitivity?

I saw it all now. Crystal clear.

And with that clarity came a tidal wave of emotions no one prepares you for.

Grief Wears Many Masks

They don’t tell you that after a diagnosis, grief shows up like an uninvited guest.

You grieve the time lost.

The misunderstood meltdowns.

The people who labelled your child “spoiled,” “lazy,” or “too much.”

You even grieve the version of parenthood you had imagined.

And here’s the kicker—you feel guilty for grieving.

Because isn’t a diagnosis supposed to bring clarity? Answers? Hope?

It does.

But before the healing begins, the heart needs space to feel what it needs to feel.

What Helped Me (And Might Help You Too)

The truth? I didn’t have it all figured out.

But I started small. And I stayed consistent.

Here are a few things that helped me through those messy, beautiful, emotionally charged weeks after the diagnosis:

1.     Name the Feeling, Don’t Judge It

I began saying my feelings out loud.

“I’m scared.”

“I feel like I failed.”

“I wish someone had told me earlier.”

Strangely, the moment I gave my emotions a name, they felt less heavy.

Try it. Speak it. Draw it. Even scribble it in your journal.

When we name it, we tame it.

2.     Anchor in the Present

I’d watch my son dance to his favourite PJ Masks song, totally unaware of any “label.”

And I’d remind myself: he is not broken.

He is learning. In his way, in his time.

A little grounding activity I found powerful was this:

Look for 3 things your child is doing right now that make you smile.Say them out loud. Let them anchor you.3.     Create Connection Moments (Not Corrective Ones)

In those early days, I often fell into a trap—trying to “fix” everything at once.

Speech, attention span, routine, social play…

It didn’t work.

What worked instead?

Play. Eye contact. Following his lead.

If he was lining up toy cars, I’d line up mine next to his.

No questions. No corrections. Just connection.

And that’s when I saw magic—his eyes softened, his laughter returned, and the world felt less scary for both of us.

4.     Start Your ‘Yes’ Jar

This one’s for you, mama (or Papa).

Each day, write one thing you did well as a parent and drop it into a jar.

Even if it’s small:

I stayed calm during his meltdown.I didn’t compare him today.I let him wear his superhero cape to the supermarket.

Your “Yes Jar” becomes a mirror on the hard days. It reminds you that you are growing, too.

Final Thought: It’s Not Too Late—It’s Just Right Now

A late diagnosis doesn’t mean you missed the boat.

It means you now know which boat you’re sailing—and that changes everything.

Let yourself grieve.

Let yourself love harder.

Let yourself begin again.

Because healing doesn’t come from knowing the label.

It comes from learning how to speak your child’s language—with patience, presence, and playful connection.

If you’re navigating the emotions after a late diagnosis and don’t know where to start, I’m here. You don’t have to walk this path alone.

Click here to book a 1:1 session with me, and let’s talk—heart to heart, parent to parent.

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Recommended Free Online CoursesAdvanced Parenting Skills This course, led by experienced child therapist Prof. Paul Cline, offers advanced parenting techniques to help you build a deeper, more loving relationship with your child. It focuses on developing a mentoring mindset and instilling strong values in children.Diploma in Child Psychology: Gain a comprehensive understanding of child psychology, including the stages of development and the factors that influence behaviour. This course is ideal for parents seeking to understand the inner workings of their child’s mind.Child Development with Whole-Brain Approach Learn how to integrate both sides of your child’s brain to foster better decision-making and emotional regulation. This course offers strategies to manage tantrums and promote strong parent-child connections.Positive Parenting Skills and Techniques Discover practical skills and approaches to ensure positive parenting. This course emphasizes building stronger family bonds and creating a nurturing environment for your child.Child Psychology: The Importance of Play Understand the critical role of play in childhood development. This course explores the impact of various types of games on cognitive and social development, providing insights into promoting healthy growth through play.

These courses are designed to empower you with knowledge and strategies to navigate the emotional landscape following a late diagnosis. They offer flexible learning opportunities to fit into your schedule, allowing you to progress at your own pace.

For personalized support tailored to your unique situation, feel free to book a 1:1 consultation with me: https://topmate.io/namita_das11

You’re not alone on this journey, and with the right resources and support, you can build a nurturing environment that fosters growth and understanding for both you and your child.