Ricardo Miller's Blog, page 7

Stop Comparing Yourself - Part 2

One of the biggest mistakes we make is measuring our success against others. When I was a kid growing up in the Bahamas this something I notice that happened even in the poorest of neighborhoods. I wanted to do a part two, “Stop Comparing Yourself”, because I believe it is such an overwhelming challenge for many people. Read part 1 here.

You would probably be amazed how much people compare themselves to others. Comparison is one way that can limit your true contentment and will take joy away from your life.

Social media allows everyone’s accomplishments to be on display. As a result, many of us have not only fallen victim to comparison, but competition as well. It’s unfortunate that even young children today find themselves being overtaken by this negative comparison spirit.

We are no longer observing simply with the desire to catch up, we want to prove that we can do better. The problem with competing with others is that we often lose ourselves in the process.

Whether it’s someone else’s body, relationship, personality, or achievements, don’t compromise your originality to become a clone of who you think you should be.

This can also look like:

⁃ Comparing your ideas, work, intelligence and/or creativity against someone else’s;
⁃ Comparing your looks or body to someone else’s;
⁃ Comparing your car and home to someone else’s;
⁃ Comparing your wardrobe with those who you work with or fellowship with at church;
⁃ Feeling jealous and competing with the success of the people around you;
⁃ Feeling like you aren’t doing as much as someone else;
⁃ Comparing your journey to someone else’s, even if they’ve started before you.

As you read this blog, I want to encourage you to honor yourself, your ideas, and your journey by defining success on your terms.

If you get nothing else from this two-part blog, please remind yourself on a daily basis that you literally can’t be anyone else. That’s why you should only compete with yourself. You must realize that people usually showcase good times on social media. You don’t know the struggles or challenges they may be facing. That’s why you can’t compare yourself to someone else.

I understand we can learn from other people, but we should never try to be those people. Start noticing the situations that cause you to play the comparison game and redirect yourself.

If someone or something triggers that ugly feeling of negative comparison, stop and remind yourself of what’s good in your life. Do whatever you have to do to learn how to become comfortable with who you are and embracing your effective living journey.
“For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother’s womb. I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made…” - (Psalm 139:13-14)
Say it with me: ‘I AM FEARFULLY AND WONDERFULLY MADE!”
There is no need to compare. There is no one that can beat you being you.
Join us for our Effective Living 5k Run/Walk Meetup. The Effective Living group will meet on Saturday, March 5 at 8:00 a.m. at the Great Trinity Forest Gateway Park. Components of living life effectively is taking care of your body, connecting with others, and having fun. Learn more and register at our website so we know what size shirt you'll need.

Stop Comparing Yourself - Part 1

You are an original. I want you to work on accepting that fact every day. As an original, understand that even though there are a lot of people in the world, you don’t need to try to be anyone else.

Today and next Monday, we will focus on learning how to stop comparing ourselves with other people. People may say they don’t compare themselves but almost everybody compares themselves. Comparing yourself with someone else to learn is okay. But most people are not learning, they are trying to compete.

I’ve come to accept that comparison is a bad habit if you we’re engaged in it. It can affect every aspect of your life. Even on this Valentine’s Day, don’t mess up this day by comparing your relationship with anybody else’s relationship.

You are loved. Understand and appreciate the first and most important form of love is self-love. Now let’s get back into this comparison subject matter.

Here’s what I know about comparison:

1. COMPARISONS ARE ALWAYS UNFAIR. We typically compare the worst we know of ourselves to the best we presume about others.

2. COMPARISONS ROB US OF PRECIOUS TIME. We each get 86,400 seconds each day. Using even one to compare yourself or your accomplishments to another is one second too many.

3. YOU ARE TOO UNIQUE TO COMPARE FAIRLY. Your gifts, talents, successes, contributions, and value are entirely unique to you and your purpose in this world. They can never be properly compared to anyone else.

4. YOU HAVE NOTHING TO GAIN, BUT MUCH TO LOSE. Examples of what you can lose: your pride, your dignity, your drive, and your passion.

5. THERE IS NO END TO THE POSSIBLE NUMBER OF COMPARISONS. The habit can never be overcome by attaining success. There will also be something—or someone—else to focus on.

6. COMPARISON PUTS FOCUS ON THE WRONG PERSON. You can control only one life—yours. But when we constantly compare ourselves to others, we waste precious energy focusing on other peoples’ lives rather than our own.

7. COMPARISONS OFTEN RESULT IN RESENTMENT. Resentment towards others and towards ourselves.

8. COMPARISONS DEPRIVE US OF JOY. They add no value, meaning, or fulfillment to our lives. They only distract from it.

With so many negative effects inherent in comparison, it is a shame we ever take part in it. But the struggle is real for most of us. Fortunately, it does not need to be. And the freedom found in comparing less is entirely worth the effort.

Practice gratitude. Gratitude for your own strengths, talent, goals, and desires. You have more than you believe you do! Stop comparing yourself to everyone else’s highlight reels.

“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” - Psalm 139:13-14

Say it with me: I AM FEARFULLY AND WONDERFULLY MADE!

If you want to be different, you can make a change. This week will be our Re-invent Yourself Webinar. It's not too late register! Learn more and register here.

Keep in Touch with Yourself

How are you doing? When is the last time you checked in with yourself? Making sure you are good on your journey to living life effectively is so important. Never be too busy to keep in touch with yourself.

Now that we are in the second month of 2022, I think it’s important we touch base with ourselves.

There are many ways to constantly evaluate yourself and assess your current life. Avoiding yourself is one of the worst things you can do when it comes to living life.

Staying in touch with yourself doesn’t have to be considered a huge task that takes an hour out of your schedule every day. It can be a five-minute thing you do every morning, or a 45-minute session you do every week. But it shouldn’t feel like you’re interrogating yourself and questioning everything you do. That could be just as destructive.

The assessments and reflections should come from a willingness to get to know yourself and to improve your strengths. You should feel empowered, confident, and believe in your own ability.

Here are 4 ways to keep in touch with yourself.

1. Keep a diary that includes your reflections on your experiences and feelings.

2. Take time to meditate and let go of everything around you.

3. Talk to a therapist, or someone you trust, to help you untangle your core values and connect with what you genuinely want in life.

4. Go back to your most important goals and create your roadmap for how to get there.

Start each day by greeting yourself in the mirror. Take time to connect by looking into your own eyes. Smile at yourself and feel your vibration rise. You could even speak a positive affirmation or mantra aloud to yourself in the mirror. Acknowledge your own presence before you go about your day.

These small daily actions help us deepen our connection to ourselves. They help us stay grounded, gain confidence, and live in alignment with what we really want.

If you have not registered for our upcoming Re-invent Yourself webinar you need to do so right now. This upcoming webinar will teach you how to stay best in touch with yourself on your journey to living life effectively. Learn more and register HERE.

Talk to Yourself Like a Good Friend

I’ve been focusing on the power of the spoken word, for some time now. One of the things I’ve noticed is that I was talked negatively to myself while growing up as a kid in the Bahamas.

This is so unhealthy and people don’t realize we should pay close attention to the words we say to ourselves.

The golden rule tells us we should treat others as we would want them to treat us.

Maybe so. But hopefully we won’t treat them even half as badly as we treat ourselves.

“You’re so lame!”
“You’re such a loser.”
“I don’t know why anyone would want to date you.”
“How can you ever show your face in public again.”

Would you talk this way to a friend or even to a stranger, for that matter? Of course not. Over the years while growing up I’ve noticed that people will never talk to those close to them this way.

It’s natural for us to try to be kind to the people we care about in our lives. We let them know it’s okay to be human when they fail. We have pity for our friends. We feel sympathy when our family members are going through difficult times.

We reassure them of our respect and support when they’re feeling bad about themselves.

We comfort them when they’re going through hard times. In other words, most of us are very good at being understanding, kind and compassionate toward others. As a pastor, I’ve noticed this to be so true on so many levels. But how many of us are good at being compassionate to ourselves?

If your friend came to you with the same issue he/she was disappointed in him/herself for not having a stellar quarterly review…what would you say?

Probably not, “I’m so disappointed in you. You can do better.”

Rather, you’d be supportive and kind and listen to exactly what went wrong. Most of us who are Christians are also very open to praying for someone who is having a hard time.

Treating yourself and your disappointment like a close friend can help ease the blame and help you exercise more self-compassion.

There's always room for treating yourself better. Treating yourself like a best friend is a great start.

TREAT YOURSELF LIKE YOUR OWN FRIEND. YOU’RE SPENDING YOUR WHOLE LIFE WITH YOURSELF. This is important for you to do on your journey to living life effectively.

You can be YOUR own worst enemy or YOUR best friend. PICK YOUR BEST FRIEND. Join me along with my Effective Living tribe for a Fitness in the Park as you learn to talk to yourself and take care of your body at the same time on Saturday, February 5th at 8am. We'll be at Great Trinity Forest Gateway located at 2161 Dowdy Ferry Road in Dallas. You can learn more and register here. We hope to see you this weekend!

How Do You Know What's Right?

“True independence and freedom can only exist in doing what’s right.”― Brigham Young

THIS IS A BRILLIANT STATEMENT: The truth lies in how we feel about doing what’s right.

It is possible for you to live a long time and not discover what is right. There are so many people who are busy doing, yet not taking the time to discover what is right to do so they can maximize their potential.

Today, I want you to go a little bit deeper to ensure you maximize your potential to the fullest this year.

The Bible teaches we are to, “Study to show yourself approved to God, a worker who does not need to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.” - II Timothy 2:15

You want to know that what your doing is right. You don’t want to be that person who has a pure heart and a genuine motive but is living life going from crisis to crisis.

God never lies. Lack of knowledge will lead you into destruction. I want to encourage you to pursue an understanding on how things are to be done so you can live a fruitful life.

Doing right is about going beyond your personal preferences and comforts. If it’s your goal to create a life you don’t need a vacation from, it is critically important you are able to answer these questions…

- Do you know what is right with your MONEY?
- Do you know what is right with your TIME?
- Do you know what is right with your HEALTH?
- Do you know what is right with your INNER-CIRCLE?
- Do you know what is right in the sight of GOD?

This exercise, with the help of a life coach, you can find out what’s right. This whole life thing is a journey and it’s super, super, super important that you don’t try to take shortcuts in maximizing your potential.

Disciplining yourself to do what you know is right and important, although difficult, is the highroad to having a healthy pride, a healthy self-esteem, and personal satisfaction. If you want to go to the top and live life to the fullest, you have to do what you’re supposed to do – live life right!

If YOU are unsure about YOUR future just keep doing what YOU know is right. Get close to those who are living right and allow them to help you. As you know, birds of a feather flock together.

Allow someone to help you to live life right. Visit our website to learn more about the 1-on-1 coaching or be a part of a group coaching community to learn the basic principles of living life right on a daily basis.

Changing Directions

“Forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, [lets] press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.” - Philippians 3:13-14

During this week’s blog, I want you to understand the importance of embracing the concept of change on your journey to living life effectively.

Whether you perceive it or not, everything is constantly changing…the environment, the weather, the economy, technology, society, culture, your friends and family, your body, everything. And the better able you are to embrace change in what is happening in your world, the easier it will be for you to live your best life.

“Change is the only constant in life.” – Heraclitus

For some people, the idea of constant and never-ending change is terrifying, because change often involves risk and loss…possibly of something big, like your house, your job, your money, your friends, your family, or just the loss of whatever is comfortable and familiar.

Some people see change as something to fear or dread, instead of something that is a new adventure that has the potential to improve them or their life. Over the past five years I’ve started to embrace the concept of changing in a timely fashion to prevent delay in my progress.

Throughout this process, I learned 6 key points about changing directions that can help you on your journey to effective living:

1. Accept the change.
2. Don’t procrastinate.
3. Face the fear.
4. Explain the situation.
5. Follow your gut feeling.
6. Decide to act—and then do it.

The change you’re needing to make is all about making you better. The most important thing is to think about your own needs. Only by taking care of your needs can you be there for other people. So, make this a selfish endeavor. That’s what some people are going to call it anyway.

Without change, we would be stuck, stagnant, bored, regressing, and uninspired. I’m not saying that going through multiple job changes, going to therapy, starting a business, and finding a new church is going to be easy.

I’m simply saying, change is an important and potent part of life. Remember that change is inevitable, normal, and necessary.

Join us on the Effective Living with Ricardo Miller YouTube channel every Monday at 7:00 p.m. CST for Effective Living Conversations. During this one-hour dialogue, we'll discuss the blog topic of the week. Engage with us and share your thoughts!
Now is a great time to embrace change. I encourage you to attend our upcoming Reinvent Yourself: A New Year Demands a New You webinar. In this webinar you'll learn what's necessary to be a new year, in this new year. Learn more and register HERE on our website.

Don't Feel Threatened by Failure

Have you ever heard the saying, “Once a failure, always a failure?”

Unfortunately, too many people tend to take this literally to the point where they start thinking they’ll never succeed again.

This week, I would like you to take some time to get a proper understanding on the role of failure on the  journey to living life effectively.

We are 10 days into the new year and I believe that with a proper understanding of what we have gone through that did not work out, we have the opportunity to be catapulted into a greater level of success.

At some point in life, we all will encounter a setback. It’s inevitable. But how you handle that setback is what matters.

“Failure is an opportunity to begin again, more intelligently.” ~ Henry Ford

I’ve been teaching that failure is simply something did not work out…it doesn’t mean you’re a failure. If you keep holding on to your negative experiences and declaring that you are a failure it will do nothing but hold you back.

Once this improper mindset takes over, you’ll be crippled by an overwhelming fear of failure that will prevent you from reaching your full potential this year.

If you are to move forward and lead a fulfilling life, you’ve got to overcome such thoughts and replace them with positive ones. This is something I’ve been working on for 46 years.

I’m not perfect at it but, this is something I’ve committed to work on daily. I told myself I will not let anything that did not work out in my life paralyze me and hold me back from achieving greater success in the future.

There are a lot of people who are threatened by failure, don’t allow that to be you. No one has won at everything!

The things that did not work out are the things that teach you some of the greatest lessons in life.

Study your failures. Evaluate your setbacks to ensure you continue to get better with age. Take responsibility for your life and your role in your journey up to this point.

Be careful about those you associate with that try to make you feel horrible about things that did not work out in your life so far. Those people will secretly hope for your downfall or failure to keep you where they think you should be.

Pretending that something isn’t true or ignoring the true reason behind why things turned out the way they did is counterproductive. It will never make up for what really happened.

Failure is the greatest teacher, but only when you:

F - Face your challenges
A - Accept responsibility
I - Invest in yourself
L - Learn to grow
U - Understand the roles
R - Relentlessly fight for your why
E - Empower others as you go

DON’T MAKE EXCUSES FOR YOUR FAILURES.

Make an effort to find out exactly why things went the way they did, accept any mistakes you may have made, and focus on learning from them.

Brush yourself off and get back in the game!

Intensify your efforts to get all you can out of this year. If you need a coach to help you with the process, contact our office today. I would like to work with you.

Cultivate an Attitude of Gratitude

Welcome to 2022!!! It’s a brand-new year and you have been given an opportunity to maximize your potential within it.

As you read this blog for this new year, I want to challenge you to make a commitment to cultivate an attitude of gratitude. Make a commitment to find the creative chance to give back this year.

I’ve come to learn that giving back is a critical part of being successful. “The more you give, the more you get,” is what my Mama taught me.

Don’t be afraid to be generous this year.

In your pursuit to be generous, don’t forget that money is not the only commodity that is fun to give.

We can give our time,
We can give our expertise,
We can give our love or simply give a smile.

What does that cost? The point is, none of us can ever run out of something worthwhile to give. If you want this year to be an incredible year, practice being a giver.

As you embark on all of the incredible things you are in pursuit of doing remind yourself that giving comes in many shapes and forms.

Here are some ways you can practice giving this year…

Give blood.
Give recognition.
Give a helping hand.
Give a recommendation.
Give the gift of laughter.
Give an invitation.
Give good advice.
Give your talents.
Give encouragement.
Give money.

There are absolutely so many ways to give and I want to encourage you to embrace as many of them as possible.

I teach my coaching clients, “You can never receive back from something you’ve never given to!”

The Bible teaches us, “Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.” — 2 Corinthians 9:7

In this new year, if you’re waiting to receive a blessing, try to first be a blessing.

If you’re hoping to receive something good, don’t be afraid to give something good first. Step out and be generous and see how God blesses you over the next 12 months.

As you consider how to make 2022 an incredible year, maybe you want to reinvent yourself. Join me at my upcoming webinar, "Re-Invent Yourself" on Tuesday, January 25. Learn more and register today at ricardomiller.com/reinventyourself.

Learn Something New

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

We’re about to enter a new year and it is so important you look at your life and start to assess what is it that you need to do to become the person that you are going to be.

This new year is going to demand you learn something new to become the person you’re capable of becoming.

As you read this blog, I want to share, every time I learn something new, I realize that I have so much more to learn. But, I’m still encouraged because I’m getting better and I’m discovering life out at a more richer level than ever before.

Your commitment to learning something new sets you up to make this new year, your best year ever. Everything is changing and the person who is willing to learn new things has the potential to experience a refreshing experience everyday.

As we are enter 2022, I want to ask you this question: What’s something you’ve always wanted to learn or do but continue to put off?

Make this new year count:

+Create some new goals for yourself.
+Learn something new every week in this new year.
+Challenge your skillset every day.

YOU’RE NEVER TOO OLD TO LEARN SOMETHING NEW. Do not go into this year saying you are too old.

If you want to train your brain for success, here’s what to do: determine what you want to achieve, then reverse engineer the steps you need to take to achieve it – and learn about each step as you go.

For example, say that you want to start a business. Let’s reverse-engineer how to do it.

Learn about ways to make money so you can choose a type of business to start (i.e., learn about drop shipping, affiliate marketing, consulting, etc). Learn all about your chosen business model.

Identify the first step you need to take to get started and learn about it (i.e., how to find products to sell).

Whether you learn to bake, do origami, or build a business, consider taking a free online course to learn something new.

The more knowledge we gain, the humbler we become. The humbler we become, the more we realize we know nothing.

Be curious and teachable in this upcoming new year.

You can always learn something new and apply it. Your mind and body are capable of extraordinary things.

MAKE 2022 THE YEAR YOU LEARN SOMETHING NEW EVERYDAY!!!

This weekend begins 2022. If you are in the Dallas-Fort Worth area, be sure to join us THIS Saturday, January 1 at 8:00 a.m. for our 5k Prayer Walk. Start the new year off on the right foot, with the Effective Living community, fitness, and faith. Learn more and register on our site.

Reframe Negative Thoughts

The longer you’re alive, the more you will discover that the way you think is the largest determining factor of how you will live.

In my 46 years of living, I’ve come to accept the fact that most people aren’t paying attention to the negative thoughts that preside within their subconscious mind.

There are negative thoughts we allow to become our everyday beliefs that govern our lives.

Do you want to be someone who lets negative thoughts and feelings dominate your emotional memory? Or do you want to learn to reframe these situations in a more positive way?

The Roman philosopher-emperor Marcus Aurelius, knew the power of our minds and wrote in Meditations, “OUR LIFE IS WHAT OUR THOUGHTS MAKE IT.”

Thankfully, you can train your brain to be positive by reframing negative thoughts whenever you notice them.

As you prepare to celebrate Christmas, I want you to start thinking about your thought patterns you have about everything.

Decide now to PRACTICE SELF-AWARENESS.

Whenever you feel low over the next few days, check-in with yourself and try to identify the negative thought-loop at play.  

Perhaps you’re thinking something like,
“Who cares,”
“I’ll never get this right,”
“This won’t work,” or “What’s the point?”

When you catch these intrusive thoughts, practice replacing them with new ones, such as:

“Practice makes perfect,”
“I’m okay,”
“Failure is just feedback,”
“If I keep working hard, I’ll get there in the end.”

If this feels a little fake when you start, it’s okay! Look for evidence to support your new perspective. As you celebrate Christmas, you will discover there are many opportunities. For example, if you think, “this will never work,” list at least one reason why it could work.

I CHALLENGE YOU TO NOT SPEAK NEGATIVELY FOR THE REST OF THIS YEAR.

Don't complain.
Don't blame.
Don't react in a negative way.
Don't speak badly about anyone.

When you notice a negative thought crossing your mind, immediately reframe it in a positive way.

This is critically important on your journey to living life effectively. You can do this. Leave a comment below to affirm, “I got this”.

Have you made plans to join us for the Effective Living 5k Prayer Walk on Saturday, January 1? Learn more and register on the website ricardomiller.com/5kprayerwalk.