Alanna L.P.'s Blog, page 18

Twin Flames and Kundalini Awakenings

This is the third installment of a series of posts meant to help me tackle the task of clearing my Twin Flame and helping others who may be considered “Runners” that have also decided that they do not want to pursue the path to Reunion.

I’m going to recall this as best as I can because this was almost 20 years ago. I remember parts of the story like they happened an hour ago. Anything that seemed fuzzy I left out. There’s more to this story that I can remember. But the important parts are here. This is the first time I’ve shared this experience publicly.

Some may disagree with me but I believe that Twin Flame Union strikes with a Kundalini awakening. I think this’ because it happened to me and My Twin.

It was Derby week 2004. Derby festivities were underway in Louisville, KY, our hometown. I think it was Tuesday, April 26 —4 days before Beltain. I didn’t know what Beltain is back then. It makes perfect sense that the timing was right now, but back then, I only felt that something strange was in the air.

It was warm and sunny, one of those days that heralds summer is just around the corner. Spring was in full bloom and the scent of fresh roses drifted on the back of the breeze.

It was a strange day. I’d gone to the Derby Parade float premier early in the day but I can’t remember who I went with. But I had a good time so I wanted to take my Twin when my family went back together. We picked him up from his dorm and we gave him a Derby pin so he could get into the event for free. I will never know why he did this but he pushed the pin through his ear and repierced his ear. My parents, sister and I in the car were shocked. We got to the event and accepted My Twin did something crazy and went in to view the float.

My Twin wasn’t too impressed with the event so we ditched it and went to sit in the courtyard of a church with some homeless people. The sun was going down and we passed a cigarette back and forth in silence and looked into each other’s eyes. We didn’t say anything,

We ended up back at his dorm room and got intoxicated. We were always on something back then because we felt trapped and wanted escape. The story I’m about to tell was probably enhanced by intoxication but the events transcend the effects of the substances.

I think the shift started with an energy ball exercise. At this point in our relationship, we knew we had a connection. We knew we could make things happen. We knew we could call each other in dreams or speak to each other without words. It was a curious game we played.

I learned how to do these things when I received what I would consider an awakening on the Summer Solstice of 1996. I was going only 12 years old, but by the end of the night I had memories of a place and time that existed somewhere else and I knew that there was a boy I had to find who was there with me in those memories.

I met several other teens that had the memories of the same place and time, pockets of people often reincarnate together. But the first person I met who knew what I knew helped me discover more about these memories by teaching me the arts of telepathy and astral projection.

3D dwellers laughed in my face when I told them about the strange things I practiced because I wanted to hone my abilities. I wanted to know more about this place and time because it’s part of my soul story and part of my road to illumination. I felt that even as a 12 year old girl.

Others were frightened of me.

And then there were those who were meant to come into the knowing and they were awakened before my eyes. It was always messy and emotionally traumatic when I had an awakening on my hands.Before I knew how to control these things, I was like a ripple in time when I walked into a room.

Then there who wanted to know, and asked me to awaken the ability in them, but because of blockages, they couldn’t let go and break through.

So by the time I got to college I was low key with my practices.

But my Twin was different. Our abilities fit together like puzzle pieces and we practiced with each other. We had seen glimmers of what we could do but the night of our first kiss was the sign that we were capable of more than we could ever imagine.

We played games and flexed our mind muscles and the more we played, the stronger we got. I had never worked with anyone as naturally as I worked with him.

Making an Energy Ball

That night we sat crisscross on his lobed and held our hands out and did our warm up: creating an energy ball. We focused between our hands. We knew we were cooking when we felt our hands tingled. We expanded the ball and worked our hands around it, smoothing it out and holding it in place. Then we raised it over our heads and let it go. Some skeptics may say this is all psychosomatic. But whatever it was, it connected us energetically and fed our intentions.

We were bored and there was nothing to do so I proposed another idea: let’s try to mind reading exercises. I knew that when we were physically close, our connection was stronger so we laid down, wrapped our arms around each other and drifted into a trance.

Mind melding

“What color am I thinking of?” I asked My Twin when I was dropped out enough to feel our minds intertwined. I pictured a blue, electric streak vibrating in my mind.”

“Blue,” he said.

I tried again. I saw a purple, electric streak vibrating in my mind. “Now what color am I thinking of?” I asked him.

“Purple,” My Twin replied.

I decided to kick it up a notch. I envisioned taking his hand and rising up into the night. The earth got smaller and smaller below us until we were flying through space.

“Where are we?” I asked him.

“Space,” My Twin replied.

Traveling through time and space

Still too easy for him. I thought. The thought that he was who I was looking for crossed my mind but I wasn’t going to take that at face value so I decided to put him to the test again.

When I first started practicing astral projection, I met a boy I knew I would find someday. We met nightly on a beach where it was always twilight. The ocean was crystal clear and there were dolphins in the water that we swam with. They taught us about telepathy. When we were tired, we laid in a hammock on the porch of a beach shanty and held each other. We promised we’d find each other one day. Every night I disconnected my body from my mind in the world between waking and sleep and met this boy on the beach. I knew his name and I knew that he was connected to those memories out of time. The name I knew is his soul name and can’t be spoken here. But I knew it was a key. And when I found him, when I spoke his name, I knew he would know and understand.

So the next place I took My Twin was to the beach from my soul travels. Astral projection was easy for him. Some would argue that we weren’t doing astral projection because I spoke to him, but honestly at this point, I don’t know if we were speaking out loud or with our minds.

The beach formed around us and I felt the sand beneath our toes. I asked My Twin to describe our surroundings.

“Oh, we’re on the beach,” he cooed. “There’s palm trees behind us and the ocean is in front of us and to the right there’s a white shack,” My Twin said.

And I knew.

It’s him. I can’t believe it’s him.

And then I spoke the name of the boy I was looking for. It was the key to unlock the mystery I was chasing.

At first he was confused. I said the name again and asked, “Is that your name?”

My Twin paused and stammered, “I .. I don’t know.” Like someone with amnesia who is starting to remember who they are but can only see fuzzy memories that don’t make sense.

Then from the depths of my spirit I called his name and commanded him to wake up.

My voice echoed and the program in the illusion broke. It was like glass breaking all around us. I saw crystal shards like broken pieces of a mirror raining down around us.

The kundalini awakening shattered everything around us.

We held tight to each other and floated in a dark vacuum.

“What did that feel like to you?” I asked.

Everything shattered

Shatter.

“Shatter,” he said.

“Oh my god,” I started to cry. “I finally found you. I’ve been looking for you for so long. Why didn’t you wake up?” I asked.

“Because I didn’t want to.” He said.

And then we started undressing and as our clothes came off I told him everything I knew about our past and about his name. As each article of clothing came off I admitted him to another layer of the secret that I knew. But he was only partially awakened. He couldn’t remember the details, only the feeling. We stopped when we got to underwear, my bare breasts pressed to his chest as he held me on the threshold of Twin Flame Union. What would have happened if we’d gone farther is like Adam and Eve decided to not eat the forbidden fruit. Are we better off because we don’t know? Or are we ignorant. A sacrifice always comes with every choice.

But we stopped. I don’t know if it was because he couldn’t remember all of what I told him, or we were afraid of what would come next. Did we know that if we went any further that we would know something we weren’t ready to know? Or did we come back to the third dimension and remember our body mismatch? I don’t know why we stopped. But we fell asleep like that.

The next morning I woke up, put my clothes on and left him, shocked at what had happened the night before. We didn’t speak for several days. Then he finally called me and I came over to his trashed dorm room with closed blinds and found him wrapped up in a blanket.

He told me he didn’t accept what happened. He couldn’t explain it but he didn’t accept it.

It hurt because I knew something extraordinary had happened, but he wanted to stay in the 3D and there was nothing I could do about it. He simply didn’t want to know.

The choice: to know or not to know

I believe he still knows. I believe that’s why he chases me when I leave. But if he doesn’t want to know, I can’t have him in my life because I don’t want to stay in Eden. I crave the knowledge we could unlock together. But I also know that because of his personality disorder, that knowledge is a poison Apple.

And so I pursue it now alone. He gave me the tools in our Twin Flame Awakening. He has the same tools if he ever wants to know. But he doesn’t have the ability to use it for good and so I’ve withdrawn. I’m an alchemist and I am on a quest to turn my soul to gold.

Even though My Twin denies what we both know happened, our connection grew stronger. And even now we know what the other is thinking or dreaming when we tap in. We manifested so many beautiful experiences and he helped make me who I am. But the desire for his flesh is too strong for me, and his desire to control me is too strong for him. We simply cannot be in each other’s lives. It’s too much for both of us.

That was my second awakening and I woke up into the Mystery of Twin Flame Union. I didn’t understand what happened until I was in my thirties, but now I know.

I miss My Twin. dearly. But I feel like whatever happened to us that night was the purpose for our meeting. Maybe next time on the other side when we’re free from our vessels again it will all make sense.

But for now, I tell this story that I have only told a few because in saying this, I move to clear his energy by airing one of our biggest secrets.

And for all the Twin Flame runners who read this, know that it is OK to turn your back on your Twin. If you need to run far away, even if it’s across the world, do it. Because sometimes the Chaser does not deserve the Union that is possibly simply because they do not want to know.

Misinterpreting Dreams …

“I found out a good friend passed away. I can speculate but the truth is I really don’t know what happened. It’s strange. I dreamed he came up to me in the middle of a restaurant last week and told me how much he loved me. I didn’t know he was saying goodbye. I wish I reached out if only I had understood the message.”

A week ago I dreamed I was at a local restaurant in my hometown. It was converted into a greenhouse. There was a kiosk that belonged to the now defunct Ear-X-Tacy, our local record store and teen hang out. in the middle of my meal, a dear friend came up to my table. I never dream about him and it felt odd he was in my Dreamtime with me. He told me how much he loved me. I told him I loved him too but I wasn’t sure if it was ok to speak the whole truth so I held back. I woke up feeling odd. I put a finger on it and said to myself, “Wait to contact him. He’s going through some tough stuff and I want to give dust time to settle.” My plan was to wait for things to calm down in his life, then invite him out to Colorado for a visit because it seems like his kind of place and it sounded like he needed to get away.

Today a mutual good friend called and told me the same friend had passed away. I verified it on Facebook. I’ve watched mutual friends respond. It’s heartbreaking.

I don’t know what happened. All I can do I speculate. But I wish I’d realized my friend was saying goodbye in my dream instead of pausing. I wish I would have reached out instead of putting a finger on that page for later because my arm is broken and he was going through big life changes that I felt I should stay out of. I thought I needed to wait a little longer. I thought he would have reached out because I told him I’m always here.

Now all I have is memories of midnight cursing with the top down of his Miata, stargazing over joints on misty summer nights. And so many others but those are my favorite memories of him … the wind in my hair as we drove in the country blasting our favorite albums and under a blanket of stars. I always wondered what would happened if I kissed him because he was cool and smart and fun and love came easy to me back then.

Then one night I did kiss him. We were getting high by a lake in his car when headlights pulled up behind us. I told him to kiss me because if it was the cops, we could tell them we were just there to make out and hopefully they’d think we were silly kids and let us go.

Our hearts beat fast together and I got lost in the kiss. It was nice and I liked it. But once we figured out the coast was clear, we stopped kissing and laughed. We never kissed again because I was too shy to tell the truth — that I liked kissing him and I wanted to explore what I felt.

The summer faded and I moved away. He was on hiatus from his high school sweetheart that summer but they got back together and he went on to marry her. Our almost summer romance didn’t bloom but when I think of summer nights he comes to mind.

That’s how I’ll always remember my friend. Live fast, die young. Be free.

Tonight, I took a half finished glass of wine outside and raised it to the sky in honor of his memory and then poured one for my “secret homie”.

I’m sad because my friend is gone, but at least he said goodbye. But I’ll always wonder what would have happened if I reached our to him after that dream …

Sneak Peek at the Next Tarot Card from Where There is No Night

Sneak Peek of a part of the Hanged Man Card for Where There is No Night. It’s still a work in progress but has been digitally enhanced. I will be coloring the card when it’s finished

Production of Magdalena Tarot Magazine Issue 2: The High Priestess Cancer is underway! This month we welcome our 5th staff member who will be working with Snow Torres to create the Tarot cards that accompany each installment of Where There is No Night. The above picture is a sneak peek at the Hanged Man card, the card for chapter 2 of Where There is No Night. Below is the excerpt accompanying it.

If you could hack into the Universe and change the order of things to change your fate, would you do it? In this installment of the story our heroine, Arella, is faced with this choice. And the stakes couldn’t be higher.

More to come as the full issue of the magazine comes together!

If you missed Issue 1: The Magician Gemini 2021, go here to download it! It’s free on Amazon through 6/2! You can read chapter 1, The World from Where There Is No Night, explore an in depth lesson on the Magician, catch the predictions for the month of Gemini, celebrate Pride with us and more!

“Call All You Want, But There’s No One Home And You’re Not Gonna Reach My Telephone” Twin Flame Clearing Part II

I had the most powerful dream about my Twin Flame last night. If you want the backstory, go here.

Sometimes before I have a psychic experience, I feel really sick. I put on some press on nails last night (lol). I was going to do a Tarot coloring video for the card of the month, The High Priestess before bed. But suddenly I was hit by intense nausea so I went straight to bed and did some breath work to cope. The breathwork helped and the painful cramps subsided as I drifted off into sleep.

I dreamed My Twin Flame showed up at my house in the back of a limo. It was kind of like Revolutionary Girl Utena meets my novel meets my life.

My Twin rolled down the window and told me to get in. He wanted me to join him at his hotel. For some reason, his mom was at the wheel but there was dark glass separating us and her so we had privacy.

Akio’s sinister car from Revolutionary Girl Utena where Twin Flames met in an attempt to obtain an Alchemical Marriage

I got into the back of a black leather interior limo and indulged in sinful pleasures with My Twin like when we were young and wild and ready to die together. We got drunk and got sensual. I breathed him in and we revealed in each other. It took me back to how intoxicating he was. I felt his hands on my thighs and his breath in my nostrils and ears. We drank liquor flavored kisses and like always, all he had to do was say the word and I was his

… but he never did. He brought me to the brink of my desire but never gave me what I wanted … chaining me like the Devil he is.

The Devil Tarot Card

We got to the hotel and My Twin was so drunk he passed out.

So I went to work … at McDonalds lmao.

Then My Twin kept calling me while I was at work. He had me wrapped around his little finger again with sweet talk and sugary lies.

“I can’t wait to see you,” he said. But he showed up after work on foot. He’d sobered up and pushed me away. He was cold and wouldn’t even give me a hug. He told me what happened in the back of the limo never happened but I knew it did. He was gaslighting me again for control.

So I left him and went to visit LADY GAGA.

I told Lady Gaga about what happened with my Twin. We were in a beautiful house with beautiful people. She took me under her wing and diverted my attention away from heartbreak to art. She mentored me about making and marketing my art. Lady Gaga took me to places out of paintings. We sat in on wonderful philosophical lectures on love and beauty.

Lady Gaga and I visited places like this in my dream.

Then I got invited to a big party with important fashion people. It was a flashback to an IRL opportunity I had to break into the fashion world that I blew in Tokyo (sans Lady Gaga being there).

Lady Gaga dressed me before the dream event and told me to be confident and know I’m beautiful and worthy.

Things really took off when I became Lady Gaga’s mentee. I was finally in the right place at the right time to make the connections with the right people and get my creative career off the ground. I quit McDonald’s (lol) and went to work on projects at lots of wonderful events in beautiful places. I was living my best creative life and I felt whole.

But My Twin noticed I’d removed him and he was jealous. He kept calling, showing up and trying to get my attention but I was over that. He banged on windows when I was at a parties and shouted my name with his face pressed up to the glass. No one ever noticed him so I ignored him too. I wasn’t going to be his dolly any more. And I never called him back because I was a free bitch, baby.

I woke up confused because the dream was so real I thought it was happening. I know My Twin loves me as an object — I’m one of his favorite toys — because he reflected his desires on me. And combine with my will, we made magic happen. We’re Twin Flames and we had that power nailed down. We knew we had the power to make things happen alone, but together, we were unstoppable.

And it’s true, anything I wanted to do, with him by my side it came out 10x stronger and vice versa. But he wanted to use that power to control me for his desires and he thought of me like a doll.

Sometimes he snatched me away from boyfriends or he sat in while I was getting hot and heavy with someone and just watched until I told him to leave. I feel he wanted to own me because of what we could manifest and letting anyone else get too close to me was a problem for him, his ego and ambitions.

I freed myself from that and I was able to be my own person. It put me on the track for manifesting what I want in life. And it was so much better than being in the twisted web of a pathological liar who got off on manipulating my feelings for his entertainment.

I got a lot of that out of breaking down the dream symbols but the dream reeked of telepathy. There was more to it than psychological symbols because a telephone was involved. So it appears my Twin is trying to contact me in dreams again. He uses that method to call me back and I’ve continuously ignored him in dream time. We’ve had IRL conversations about how we call each other in dreams as a literal “call”. He may have had a similar dream. He usually does. He used to message me and tell me when I was in his dreams and it was often the same experience I dreamed of on the same night about him.

But I have to remind myself: he is literally incapable of feeling love or empathy or compassion because he’s a sociopath. I cannot let the wolf back in … even in dream time. He’s a dangerous person. If he wants to talk it’s just to toy with me and I’m over that.

I’m not going to lie. It was hard ignoring his calls in this dream. When he showed up in dreams since I cut him out, we never spoke. But this time was different. It was all passion and emotion. I listened to every message he left in the dream and thought about inviting him back into my life. But when I confined in Lady Gaga, she looked me right in the eyes, touched my hand and said, “No.” and my life and art and writing careers blossomed. I feel it’s mirroring my life now. Just because we’re Twin Flames doesn’t mean we have to be in each other’s lives forever. A lot of Twin Flame relationships never reach union because they are too turbulent. We had a kundalini awakening years ago and that may have been the point of us meeting in the first place.

At any rate, that was an intense dream. What a deep dive into my psyche with paranormal overtones … it felt like a fashion version of Little Red Ridding Hood but Grandma Gaga was wise and knew what to tell me to do. And I played the part of an older and wiser Little Red Riding Hood who listened to Grandma Gaga and refused to let the wolf in.

And when I woke up I had the print on demand covers to Magdalena Tarot Magazine in my inbox. Hell yeah. They look gorgeous. The dimensions are wrong so the graphic designer needs to play with it more but a print on demand version of Magdalena Tarot Magazine is coming SOON — proof my art is blossoming outside of dreamtime.

One day I know my Twin Flame is going to confront me face to face like he has every time I ran in the past. But I’m my own person now and I’m never letting the wolf at the door in again.

In the wise words of Lady Gaga, “Call all you want, but there’s no one home and you’re not gonna reach my telephone.”

Other Articles in My Twin Flame Series

Part I

Part III

“Call All You Want, But There’s No One Home And You’re Not Gonna Reach My Telephone”

I had the most powerful dream about my Twin Flame last night. If you want the backstory, go here.

Sometimes before I have a psychic experience, I feel really sick. I put on some press on nails last night (lol). I was going to do a Tarot coloring video for the card of the month, The High Priestess before bed. But suddenly I was hit by intense nausea so I went straight to bed and did some breath work to cope. The breathwork helped and the painful cramps subsided as I drifted off into sleep.

I dreamed My Twin Flame showed up at my house in the back of a limo. It was kind of like Revolutionary Girl Utena meets my novel meets my life.

My Twin rolled down the window and told me to get in. He wanted me to join him at his hotel. For some reason, his mom was at the wheel but there was dark glass separating us and her so we had privacy.

Akio’s sinister car from Revolutionary Girl Utena where Twin Flames met in an attempt to obtain an Alchemical Marriage

I stepped into the back of a black leather interior limo and indulged in sinful pleasures with my Twin like when we were young and wild and ready to die together. We got drunk and got sensual. I breathed him in and we revealed in each other. It took me back to how intoxicating he was. I felt his hands on my thighs and his breath in my nostrils and ears. We drank liquor flavored kisses and like always, all he had to do was say the word and I was his

… but he never did. He brought me to the brink of my desire but never gave me what I wanted … chaining me like the Devil he is.

The Devil Tarot Card

We got to the hotel and My Twin was so drunk he passed out.

So I went to work … at McDonalds lmao.

Then My Twin kept calling me while I was at work. He had me wrapped around his little finger again with sweet talk and sugary lies.

“I can’t wait to see you,” he said. But he showed up after work on foot. He’d sobered up and pushed me away. He was cold and wouldn’t even give me a hug. He told me what happened in the back of the limo never happened but I knew it did. He was gaslighting me again for control.

So I left him and went to visit LADY GAGA.

I told Lady Gaga about what happened with my Twin. We were in a beautiful house with beautiful people. She took me under her wing and diverted my attention away from heartbreak to art. She mentored me about making and marketing my art. Lady Gaga took me to places out of paintings. We sat in on wonderful philosophical lectures on love and beauty.

Lady Gaga and I visited places like this in my dream.

Then I got invited to a big party with important fashion people. It was a flashback to an IRL opportunity I had to break into the fashion world that I blew in Tokyo (sans Lady Gaga being there).

Lady Gaga dressed me before the dream event and told me to be confident and know I’m beautiful and worthy.

Things really took off when I became Lady Gaga’s mentee. I was finally in the right place at the right time to make the connections with the right people and get my creative career off the ground. I quit McDonald’s (lol) and went to work on projects at lots of wonderful events in beautiful places. I was living my best creative life and I felt whole.

But My Twin noticed I’d removed him and he was jealous. He kept calling, showing up and trying to get my attention but I was over that. He banged on windows when I was at a parties and shouted my name with his face pressed up to the glass. No one ever noticed him so I ignored him too. I wasn’t going to be his dolly any more. And I never called him back because I was a free bitch, baby.

I woke up confused because the dream was so real I thought it was happening. I know My Twin loves me as an object — I’m one of his favorite toys — because he reflected his desires on me. And combine with my will, we made magic happen. We’re Twin Flames and we had that power nailed down. We knew we had the power to make things happen alone, but together, we were unstoppable.

And it’s true, anything I wanted to do, with him by my side it came out 10x stronger and vice versa. But he wanted to use that power to control me for his desires and he thought of me like a doll.

Sometimes he snatched me away from boyfriends or he sat in while I was getting hot and heavy with someone and just watched until I told him to leave. I feel he really wanted to own me because of what we could manifest and letting anyone else get too close to me was a problem for him, his ego and ambitions.

I freed myself from that and I was able to be my own person. It put me on the track for manifesting what I want in life. And it was so much better than being in the twisted web of a pathological liar who got off on manipulating my feelings for his entertainment.

I got a lot of that out of breaking down the dream symbols but the dream reeked of telepathy. There was more to it than psychological symbols because a telephone was involved. So it appears my Twin is trying to contact me in dreams again. He uses that method to call me back and I’ve continuously ignored him in dream time. We’ve had IRL conversations about how we call each other in dreams as a literal “call”. He may have had a similar dream. He usually does. He used to message me and tell me when I was in his dreams and it was often the same experience I dreamed of on the same night about him.

But I have to remind myself: he is literally incapable of feeling love or empathy or compassion because he’s a sociopath. I cannot let the wolf back in … even in dream time. He’s a dangerous person. If he wants to talk it’s just to toy with me and I’m over that.

I’m not going to lie. It was hard ignoring his calls in this dream. When he showed up in dreams since I cut him out, we never spoke. But this time was different. It was all passion and emotion. I listened to every message he left in the dream and thought about inviting him back into my life. But when I confined in Lady Gaga, she looked me right in the eyes, touched my hand and said, “No.” and my life and art and writing careers blossomed. I feel it’s mirroring my life now. Just because we’re Twin Flames doesn’t mean we have to be in each other’s lives forever. A lot of Twin Flame relationships never reach union because they are too turbulent. We had a kundalini awakening years ago and that may have been the point of us meeting in the first place. (That story to come later)

Anyway, that was an intense dream. What a deep dive into my psyche with paranormal overtones … it almost felt like a fashion version of Little Red Ridding Hood but Grandma Gaga was actually wise and knew what to tell me to do.

And when I woke up I had the print on demand covers to Magdalena Tarot Magazine in my inbox. Hell yeah. They look gorgeous. The dimensions are wrong so the graphic designer needs to play with it more but a print on demand version of Magdalena Tarot Magazine is coming SOON — proof my art is blossoming outside of dreamtime.

One day I know my Twin Flame is to confront me face to face like he has every time I ran in the past. But I’m my own person now and I’m never letting the wolf at the door in again.

And in the wise words of Lady Gaga, “”Call all you want, but there’s no one home and you’re not gonna reach my telephone.”

Still Topping the Charts!

Even though there is a mistake in the heading (it should say Gemini not Cancer), the Magdalena Tarot Magazine is still doing great in the charts! It moved to #4 in occult magick but slipped to #17 in New Age Mysticism. Please download my magazine, rank and comment to keep me high in the charts! You’ll get an in depth Tarot lesson about the Magician Tarot Card, an astrology lesson, LGBTQ+ articles, an acension discussion and the next installment of Where There is No Night. The magazine is free until 6/2 and you can read it on Kindle or on your phone using the kindle app! Don’t miss what everyone is talking about. Download under this link.

Chart Topping Again

Magdalena Tarot Issue 1: The Magician is topping charts on Amazon. If you want to take a deeper look into The Magician Tarot card, study astrology, celebrate Pride with us, and read some modern mythology, download your copy for free between today and 6/2! Don’t forget to rank and comment to help the ratings! Download your copy here, and if you like it, subscribe to my newsletter for a FREE subscription to my magazine so you never miss an issue!

Magdalena Tarot Magazine Issue 1: The Magician FREE ON AMAZON Through 6/2!

Magdalena Tarot Magazine Issue 1: The Magician is out and FREE ON AMAZON Through 6/2! If you don’t have a kindle you can download an app for your phone so you can still read the magazine. Go here to get your copy and take advantage of this promotional!

And if you want a free subscription to the magazine, sign up for my newsletter so you never miss an issue! You can sign up here! Subscriptions come obligation free and you can unsubscribe whenever you like penalty free.

Things Happen When They’re Supposed To

The next issue of Magdalena Tarot Magazine is in review with Amazon as we speak. I’ve been reflecting as I wait for it to hit the digital shelves.

It is so trippy that I have a staff of 5. I’m already putting together the next issue of Magdalena Tarot Magazine and getting a schedule out to the team so everybody knows what is due and when. Look at me managing shit. haaaa. I’ve always been a lone wolf and never a leader so this is new to me.

Honestly this magazine has been nothing but pleasant surprises so far. Any obstacles I encounter from health emergencies to delegating tasks always work themselves out. And I really can’t say enough good things about my staff.

So I feel really blessed and I really do feel like I’m doing what I’m supposed to be doing with my life…

Putting out the magazine has brought back some distant memories — like when I tried to start a Save The Earth magazine in 3rd grade.

Or when my friend and I wrote “The D-Files”, embarrassing paranormal fiction inspired by the X-Files featuring people we didn’t like when we were 10.

I did put out several issues of a gender bending indie comic book with some friends in high school. I was inspired by Stephen King’s stories about the zine he ran when he was in high school, so I proposed to my two good friend that we run an indie comic. We printed copies on my friend’s grandpa’s printer, assembled them and distributed them around town at record stores. We also let several copies loose at school and lots of people read it. But we were quiet about being behind it because we clowned EVERYONE.

Then, my writing and entertainment aspirations crossed paths in Dubai when I was on study abroad in college.

I was offered a position as an editor of an entertainment magazine but it wasn’t time. I couldn’t come up with the money I needed to drop out of school and stay in Dubai. My parents refused to help and my boyfriend at the time was 100% against it. So I had to come home with my tail between my legs.

I did get to be an editor when I came back to my home college campus. I was the chief editor of the opinion section of my college newspaper. My column was popular and I got loads of hate mail I never read. But I was good at eliciting an emotional response from the student body. Lol.

Sadly, I couldn’t break into journalism so I shifted my focus to entertainment.

If you’re a woman, you have a shelf life in entertainment. So when I hit my expiration date, I went back to writing. I almost got published a few times but I refused to sell out.

It took a while to swallow my pride and go indie but when you have a big mouth and a lot of controversial stuff to say, sometimes indie is better.

So I guess Magdalena Tarot Magazine has been a long time coming … things work out when they’re supposed to I guess …

Now the next step: getting a grant so I can start paying my staff.

I think the primary things I want to ask for money for would be to pay my staff, distribution cost for hardcopies and money to pay for advertising. Luckily I have friends in the magazine industry who can help me outline a budget for a grant proposal.

It would be just a dream come true to be able to get a grant so that I can take the next step and pushing my promising baby publication forward.

No one is making any money off of this right now (including me) so I need someone to invest so we can branch out more.

My sister said that she thinks one day running this magazine will be my full time job. My sister is really insightful and she also makes six figures so I trust what she sees in the potential for what I’m doing.

The goddess knows I’ve had my fair share of setbacks, so I really love that my little magazine is already such a force. People enjoy it and look forward to it. The staff enjoys working on it. And I think that joy it brings to people is what is helping it grow so fast.

As always, thank you for your support

Image courtesy of Bellawillow Photography

Eclipse in Sagittarius musings

Tree of Life Tarot Reading

I have a Tree of Life reading listed in my Etsy shop, but I didn’t have any pictures available as to what that reading would look like for customers to examine.

During this eclipse it’s advisable to focus on what aspects to Sagittarius governs in your chart. For me that’s my second house, and it is work related. Here’s a good reference for houses. If you want A copy of your astrology chart so you can find out what house this eclipse falls in for you, you can get one free here

So for the lunar eclipse in sagittarius, I decided to complete my mapping of the Tree of Life on my wall and try out a reading for myself.

I now have pictures and a better description of what this reading involves because it’s my most viewed item on Etsy but no one has bought one yet.

Overview of my Tree of Life Reading:

The horoscope above is a pretty good description of what I got out of my reading for myself. I will be using some Qabalah vocabulary but it’s not essential to know anything about Qabalah to understand my reading explanation.

Based on my reading, I am being told that the path for me to focus on now is moving on from past traumas in love and relationships (6 of Swords in Kether). I’m not ready to attract what I want yet so I need to give it a rest and focus on my spiritual pursuits and building my brand and my business (7 of Swords and 4 of Swords in Chokmah). As a Capricorn, this makes a lot of sense since work is a spiritual experience for me. If I’m not working, I feel empty. Work is one of the most spiritually satisfying things I can do.

My reading also told me that I must act like the Queen of Swords (Queen of Swords and Ace of Swords in Daath. Also 6 of Swords in Kether) by continuing to cut away people and attachments that no longer serve me so that I can vibrate on a higher level. This will bring stability to my shaky foundation in my work and financial life (2 of Pentacles in Malkuth and 9 of Swords in tiphareth). It also told me that the biggest thing holding me back is my anxiety which is purely intellectual and turning worries over again and again in my head does not help me move on. (9 of Swords in tiphareth and 6 of Swords in Kether, 7 of Swords in Chokmah)

Another thing that came to like two is a dream that I had about an ex that I wish I’d never gotten involved with. The dream pointed to the fact that I am still very damaged from the misogyny that I experience in that relationship with both my ex and his stupid roommate who encouraged the misogyny. This anger I can’t seem to overcome prevents me from having healthy relationships with men, and I am currently in search of a new therapist who can help me overcome this anger, release that experience and move on. Until then, I won’t be able to successfully attract what I’m looking for because my opinion of the Divine Masculine who appears to be in a great crisis, is very low right now.

One thing my reading did bring up and it’s in the supernal triad of the Tree of Life is that I got the seven of swords in Chokmah. That is a direct block of everything that’s coming down from Kether so there is no way for the energy I’m using to try to manifest a soulmate meeting to come to me. It always appears to get carried off by a 7 of Swirds character. It seems that I manifest toxic masculine because I’m not seeing anything else. So I pulled another card and got the four of swords which also backs up the theory that I need to give it a rest and stop looking for a relationship … which I thought I’ve done but sometimes I still feel a longing to make a real connection with someone because it’s been so long.

Anyway I’ll make another post about how are use the tree of life and it’s paths in a reading before I update my Etsy posting. If you’re interested in purchasing one of these readings, you can do so here. I broke my arm, but talk to text is a miracle worker, so I will be able to do digital readings, it just might take a couple extra days.

Blessings for your eclipse season!

This reading sums up pretty much what my tree of life reading told me and I’m more simplistic fashion. You get back what you give, and also the path of strength in my reading told me that the wait I’m experiencing for my soulmate to appear it’s only making me stronger. I have to heal first before I can attract the kind of partner that I’m looking for.