Alanna L.P.'s Blog, page 20

Coloring the Tarot with Magdalena Tarot Chapter 1: The Magician

The next episode of Coloring the Tarot with Magdalena Tarot is out on YouTube! Explore the deep symbolism of the Magician Tarot card with a Bob Ross twist. And if you feel calked to, please like, share abs subscribe to my YouTube channel!

There’s even more to explore with outtakes from the script available for a limited time here! https://etsy.me/3h0dStc

Blessed Beltain!

Beltane Blessings! Summer will be here soon!

More Full Moon in Scorpio: The Willow Branches

I have mixed feelings about Twin Flames. It’s easy to get it wrong. I got it wrong a couple of times. But I knew in the back of my mind that I’ve known my Twin Flame since I was 16.

I’m one of those people that had a strong Twin Flame experience early on. He went to my high school but from the start we were star crossed because he’s gay and I’m in a woman’s body.

It was easy to believe we were in love even though my friends said I was delusional. We could read each other’s minds and we had the same dreams about each other on the same nights for years. We made out passionately and he held me tenderly from time to time. We never made love but he made me feel like I was the most important person in the world to him.

I thought we were ride or die. We lived fast and furious. I’m still shocked we didn’t join the 27 Club. We ran across the world together and told everyone we were married because no one knew us and it was just us. All we had was each other or at least that’s how I felt when it was happening.

Because even though we were like the English teacher version of Bonnie and Clyde running through East Asia, the dream fell apart. There were times I questioned if the whole thing had become abusive. Finally one night when he shouted at me that my love was too much, something powerful happened. The aloe plant behind him broke in half. I’d never seen anything like that. It was my cue to get out. I moved without telling him and broke in to get my stuff. I didn’t even say bye. In my eyes, he wasn’t worth it.

I needed space but after a few years of separation. But we managed to repair our friendship after I came back to the USA. He showed up unexpected on my doorstep one day and I opened my heart to him and forgave him. But really, he was just a wolf at the door that I let back in.

We had long video chats once every couple of months. We laughed about our adventures until we cried. We fantasized about traveling together again. Sometimes I told him I’d consider coming back but it was just a fleeting thought.

Then last fall we started texting every day and having more and more frequent video calls. I started to feel myself remembering why I’d fallen for him. I started to realize that I never stopped loving him. I started thinking about leaving everything behind and running to him.

We talked about getting married in South Korea as a joke, but it kept coming up. It stopped feeling like a joke and started feeling more like a call to adventure. I started thinking I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him again. Even if it could never be what I sexually wanted in a relationship due to body mismatches, I wanted to be with my Twin. Because the way I loved him, it didn’t matter if we made love or not. I just wanted to be near him.

Around that time, I started questing my gender. A few non-binary friends gently suggested that the situation with my Twin could mean I’m non-binary. Because I’m not attracted to straight men most of the time. I’m not a lesbian, like some people have proposed because I don’t find dating women any more satisfying than dating men. But gay and queer men have a gentle side that most straight men have no clue how to embrace. Sometimes my attraction to queer and gay men made me feel like I was born in the wrong body, but I never wanted to *become* a man full time. So I started looking into what it means to be non binary and it all fell into place.

As my gender made more and more sense, I decided to take a risk and come out to my Twin as non-binary. Then I planned to ask him to be with me since I don’t always feel I identify as a woman. I love presenting as a woman and I love my feminine side but with where I am spiritually, I don’t feel like any gender. I’ve achieved a state of spiritual androgyny from my intense work with spiritual alchemy and now gender feels meaningless to me. It took a lot of processing and it scared me, but I prepared myself to confess my love to him and take up the call to adventure.

One night I was talking with him on video chat and he asked me to meet him in Guam and marry him. We had a beautiful trip to Guam once together. I wanted to scream with joy. Of course I said yes. I was overjoyed to plan to marry my best friend in Guam. I was about to talk to him about my gender but then the Tower moment happened

He took back what he said and added “never fall in love with a gay guy and we both need to find a husband.”

It went bed numb. I was done with the next day before it started. I cried all day. I was devastated. My face was raw from tears. I kept asking myself Why? What was the purpose of all the things that ever happened between us?

Then I realized it was all a game. He was always borded and that boredom made him do cruel things to amuse himself. I was his favorite toy and he loved me like an object, not like a person. He was using me for his personal entertainment and it had always been that way. I was always his puppet and he knew how to pull my strings.

My Twin Flame is a sociopath.

It was hard to accept, and it makes some of the best memories of my life difficult because all the feelings in the end were one sided, but better to figure that out after 20 years instead of 60 … or never.

And on top of that, the new discovery about my gender added to the confusion.

I blocked my Twin across platforms without an explanation. He sent me a birthday card. A friend destroyed it for me.

Since then I’ve seen him in my dreams. We never speak but we’re together.

After my love spell last night I saw my Twin Flame in my dreams. We were going down the steps and into the subway side by side. He shot me a side glance and I woke up.

Because of how powerful the full moon spell was was, I confused again in themorning. I had asked to see my future lover but I saw my Twin who doesn’t have the ability to love anyone but himself. “Is this some kind of sick joke?” I wondered.

Then I realized this is boss fight #2. I have to clear my Twin’s energy.

So last night I had altar time to the classic Massive Attack track “Mezzanine”. I took a willow branch I found in the park that used to be a graveyard, broke it in half and anointed the twigs with oil from my ritual. According to my Llewelyn daily planner, the willow tree branch can be used to draw the guidance of your ancestors, especially a branch from a graveyard, so I worked the twigs into my altar. My intention is to be guided on this journey in the underworld to banish the spirits of love lost but not forgotten.

Sometimes this time of year feels like Samhain when Full Moon in Scorpio hits. Especially if there’s a cold snap. It’s almost like Persephone emerging from the underworld … now the flowers can really bloom

Happy Full Moon in Scorpio

What is hidden that has come to light during Full Moon in Scorpio?

I honor the Full Moon 3 days before and 3 after for magick. I wrote a love spell for my friends and I to do together for full Moon (although I did it with the intention of self love). I tidied up my apartment to clear the energy and get ready for the spell. I lit up my altar, tidied up a bit more and sat down to do some journaling.

For me, journaling is a 2 part process. First I free write.

Then I go back over old entries and “alchemize” limiting thoughts and feelings by crossing them out with a gold marker. That way I admit my shadows and give myself time to process them before I clear them.

On the night of the Scorpio Full Moon, I went back and reread several entries that needed to be alchemized.

I was having pesky dreams and strange synchronicities revolving around a former lover that made my life really difficult. He was my old apartment manager and it made my housing situation really complicated.

I was pretty much done with him since I moved out at the end of January— but I had to see him in mid March to get a package that went to my old address. I thought “Maybe we could patch things up or at least settle on a friendship”. But he was all business when he dropped off my package (even though he went out of his way to bring me my mail when he had a post office around the corner).

I was put off so I confronted him in text after he left and he point blank lied to me. SoI left him on read.

I had no desire to see him again. I hate it when people think they can treat me like an idiot, lie to me and expect that to be OK. But I sensed that leaving him on read was getting to him because there were a couple of really weird things that happened next.

A couple weeks after he dropped my package off, I was on a business call and the caller randomly called me out when he asked me out of the blue, “What do you think when you hear (insert name here)?”

Now that that’s psychic ability! The person on that business call doesn’t know me from Adam… and most people have no idea I was even in that love affair because of the unprofessional nature of the relationship.

Then, right after that call, I got a call from the pharmacy to come get my Covid shot — right across the street from my old place.

I was shocked and relieved that my ex lover didn’t walk into the pharmacy but I was on edge the whole time I was there.

My ex lover also stepped into my dreams a few times but I brushed it off.

But the last straw was when I had an inappropriate dream about him and the next day, a friend gave me a key to my old place back even though I moved two months ago. My friend said he had been forgetting to give the key back to me.

After that, I knew I had to clear the left over energy from that relationship. I wanted that energy GONE because even though this guy is sexy af, he’s also first class liar. If he’s thinking about me or if I have a subconscious attachment that needs to go, either way, the energy needed to be cleared.

So I crossed out all the things I’d written about my ex lover in my journal with my gold marker. I wrote about how I waited for him and wanted him in the past. I wrote “Return to sender” and “Banish” over the the feelings and thoughts I wanted gone. And something lifted. I didn’t feel heavy any more. It felt like the blindfold in the 8 of swords fell off and I wondered why in the world I felt like that guy was so important when clearly he was just playing games with me.

I did send him a brief text messaging to close that loop hole back into my life and simply told him that I wish the best for him. No reply so I think it’s finally done.

I don’t feel heavy and I don’t feel an attachment to him any more. Now I have more energy to attract the kind of lover I want now that my ex lover is behind me.

I had prepared a sigil to see the face of my future lover since I am trying to call in a man that can be my equal. I thought the clearing may have opened a door, but all I had was a dream about someone else who also played games with me out of boredom and hurt me deeply. So I have another energetic connection to clear.

I prepared another spell to deal with that and worked that out tonight. It will be interesting to see what happens.

I feel like the Universe is asking me to beat bosses to level up my love game.

レベルアップ!

4/25/21 – 5/1/21 The 6 of Wands

It’s the 17th week of the year and the card of the week is the #SixOfWands. The #TarotForecast is back by popular demand but you can only read it in #MagdalebaTarotMagazine. The deck I am using is the #OldTymeTarot, a deck made from collages of #vintage and #antique photos from my personal collection. Magdalena Tarot Magazine is available at the link in bio for tarot, astrology, short fiction and more! Yeah f you want to subscribe, subscriptions to the magazine are free to all newsletter subscribers so go to http://www.magdalenatarotinc.com to subscribe so you’ll never miss an issue or have to pay for one! We are also open for submissions for our #Gemini 2021 issue #TheMagician.

Magdalena Tarot Magazine Issue 0: The Fool OUT NOW!

Magdalena Tarot Magazine Issue 0: The Fool Taurus 2021Download

Hi everyone!

Good news! The magazine FINALLY dropped. I had a lot of set backs but I think it’s a solid introductory issue. As promised, this issue is FREE for newsletter subscribers and to everyone for a limited time. There is no free option that I can figure out for free downloads on Amazon right now, which is frustrating because I’ve purchased free books on Amazon! If you have any advice on this, e-mail me at AlannaLP at Magdalena Tarot Inc dot com.

It takes a couple of days for the magazine to process so once it’s on Amazon, I’ll take down the free link. So download it while you can! Newsletter subscribers automatically get a free subscription to the magazine so subscribe so you don’t have to pay for an issue!

If you are not a subscriber you will have to pay for each issue of the magazine individually. The cost of the magazine will cover production costs (graphic designer, illustrator and photographer). The left over money will be donated to an earth based charity.

Please download your sample issue here! And subscribe if you want to read more!

Magdalena Tarot Magazine Issue 0: The Fool is almost ready for release!

The magazine will be out either tonight or tomorrow! I’m so excited to share my Tarot and astrology lessons, original Tarot cards, predictions and fiction with you! I’m also excited to open up for submissions for the next issue, The Magician, due out in Gemini 2021!

Because I’m still figuring out publishing on Amazon, please subscribe to get the magazine FREE in your inbox! There may be a small fee if you download it through Etsy or Amazon once I work put the kinks so for now the best way to get the magazine is through a free subscription. Subscribe here!

https://magdalenatarotinc.com/subscribe/

Looking forward to sharing this big step with you!

I’m super sad to make this announcement but the release o...

I’m super sad to make this announcement but the release of Magdalena Tarot Magazine is delayed due to my graphic designer needing emergency dental surgery. I feel like I let everyone down but no one could have stopped the emergency. There are also some kinks in the releases process too so I am learning *a lot*

If you want a free copy of the magazine, please subscribe https://magdalenatarotinc.com/subscribe/

Tomorrow is Magdalena Tarot Magazine Launch Date!

Magdalena Tarot Magazine launches tomorrow and I’m so nervous! And if you were a fan of the Tarot Forecast, it’s back, but you’ll have to download the magazine to read it. The good news is, the magazine is 100% FREE. All you have to do is head over to Amazon Issue 0: The Fool to take an in-depth dive into the Fool card, learn some astrology, view the forecast for Taurus, read some fiction and find out how you can submit for the next issue! Looking forward to growing this new venture with you!

Sneak Peek of Magdalena Tarot Magazine Issue 0 Cover!

Here’s a sneak peek of the Magdalena Tarot Magazine Issue 0: The Fool Taurus 2021 cover! I love the cover artwork by Bellawillow Photography!

Last night the graphic designer and I got together and worked on the layout. Everything is falling into place and I’m really happy with the direction of the first issue.

Also: Nicole Fagan from Third Holistic Heaven is submitting a recipe to spice up this issue!

I’m also offering free advertising space for metaphysical businesses, artists and writers. If you would like an advertisement space, please e-mail me at AlannaLP at MagdalenaTarotInc dot com

If you would like to submit an article, art, short fiction or a poem, please download the upcoming issue for submission guidelines.

Magdalena Tarot Magazine Issue 0: The Fool launches when the Sun enters Taurus 2021. Follow my author page on Amazon to get connected with the publication.