Emje McCarty's Blog, page 15

daily doodles

in my spare time i read about agro-forestry & regenerative agriculture & wonder how this winter (or lack thereof) is going to effect my forest garden experiment….

again on the topic of nurturing nature…i had this dream the other night where a little bat was hanging out on my head & face & even breastfeeding. i was very protective of the little bat who was attracted to my warmth…but i was also concerned about getting rabies. duality, i guess, protection & rejection? love & fear?

two minute neurotic comics

so i posted (but have now removed) about working at the kickapoo valley reserve as–an instructor? i’m actually not sure what i would be…talking to people about forest & future, i suppose. which sounds awesome…except i really don’t like people that much…or any kind of structured conversation with said people…
& the drive is an hour & a half round trip…
& i really get pissed off about having to do a “job” to make money when i spend most of my day working for free…
& i have already brought home a virus from a coughing child…
& i forgot how much women do not seem to like me. i mean, the women i work with & for are very cold towards me…which isn’t new. all my life most women have seemed to really not care for me…which, okay, fine, but then i react by going belly-up & being all submissive & fuck that.
then i start wondering if i’m just looking for reasons to quit. am i just a quitter? is it a case of i don’t want to work for someone who is willing to hire me? is this self-sabotage?
ack!
i have been spinning out trying to decide if i should keep training (even though i already have one foot out the door) or if i should just cut my losses & look to the horizon
& if i look to the horizon, what exactly is out there?
i’m flat broke…again.
sigh.
but spinning out isn’t working out either.
i guess i need to find my zen.

confusion perfume-purpose

i started writing “confusion perfume” as a way to answer the question, “i wonder if i can turn that into a comic?”
“that” being whatever random thought or experience had happened to me.
this one started out as a post i was going to post here…until i had the wondering if it could be a comic instead.
becoming a comic, in my experience, requires a bit of condensing of said thought or experience…so sometimes, like with this one, i wonder, “does it make sense?”
i hope it makes sense.
because odds are, i’m going to keep turning my random thoughts into comics, hoping someone gets me

confusion perfume…deep dive

angst & other demons

i have talked about my internal family here. i have them all figured out into pairs, such as:
sensual/censor
warrior/worrier
and so on
my primary pair being: me/monster
after work yesterday, coming home to a fire going out, clothes to be washed, food to be made, etc….i turned into monster. she is actually still kind of at the wheel as i try to understand why.
here’s what i think though…as much as i do like my new job, i still resent that i have to leave the house to make money. it basically tells me that everything i do as a mom, writer, & artist is pointless
worthless
drudgery
even though it is the life i have chosen & the life i love
all that work seems to mean nothing to the outside world.
i am worthless if i don’t leave the house & do proper employment.
so, hello monster.
i’m not sure how long she will be visiting this time….

saint nobody page eight

the world might be ending

so i resolved to look for a job where i got to be outside doing something i was passionate about…& got hired at the kickapoo valley reserve where i get paid to hike around & talk to all kinds of people about all the things i love!!
AND my first novel of the century has been published & is available to buy through lulu.com!!

AND–when i went back on instagram (@emje_mccarty) to promote my novel after several months away from instagram, the love of my life messaged me–after months/years of my stalking him & his avoiding me. so i’m totally trying to not be the crazy chick we all know &…well, that we all know…& to play it cool & to make myself available as a friend because i really do want to be his friend.
oh hey–for a fictionalized telling of our story, buy & read my novel: little skeletons!

so, yeah, the world might be ending because i am feeling like everything’s falling into place and it is all just too good to be true.

now available!

now available through lulu.com! my first novel written this century & not written on a typewriter or word processor!

and after you read it, be sure to review it on goodreads

if you want an autographed copy, let me know so i know how many books to order.

call of the wild

an image from my book THE INVISIBLE EXHIBITIONIST available through lulu.com

i believe i have gotten a job at the kickapoo valley reserve where i will be leading lessons about nature!?!
fuck yeah.
changing the future by interacting with the present. being in my element. i keep waiting to find out it’s not for real…
meanwhile, the little voices (the mean ones) keep telling me i won’t be any good &/or that it’s not really for me….
imposter syndrome on another plane than usual.

ps. while providing the link to lulu.com, i happened to notice i have another book for sale–a novel this time –little skeletons!

daily doodle

my children do not like cursive letters. on one hand, i really want them to learn…on the other hand, it’s kind of nice to have a secret language.