Emje McCarty's Blog, page 18

neurotic comic

hello darkness my old friend

transformation is a painful & intensive thing. i guess that’s why most people resist change? some caterpillars go into their cocoons & never emerge. they just wither up or get consumed by parasites or a number of other tragedies. transformation isn’t easy.
i don’t want to feel the way i feel. but as i try to fly closer to the stars, i fall even further. 

i have been playing with my internal family systems. i have identified a lot of the little voices. giving them names. noticing they are usually in pairs: the warrior/the worrier…the sensual/the censor…the feminine/ the masculine…. the most powerful pair inside of me i have named the anointed/the annihilator. the annihilator sees no purpose & seeks only darkness. the anointed is connected to everything & is full of magic. as i wrote this page, the annihilator was in control. i wonder. is she in control because i was flying too close to the stars? making too much progress? feeling too connected? did she step in because i was feeling too good? that’s the explanation that is obviously more appealing.
but what if this is not part of a transformation? a darkness before the dawn? what if i’m not getting any better? what if i really am just this fucked up forever? what if this is who i am?

everyday comics

i used to do this all the time. just take some random thought or observation & turn it into a comic.

that’s kinda a graphic memoir

if you’re thinking of buying some of my art or books…the time is now!
i just found out, as i try to dig myself out of credit card debt, that my car needs four new tires. i’m pretty sure it’s due to the way i drive on all the winding roads around here. i love driving on winding roads. is it worth the wear & tear on my tires? would life be worth it if i have to drive on the straight roads?
i don’t want to have to answer those questions.
plus, my bumper cover was knocked off last spring so i have been driving around without one for awhile now. my guy finally found a salvaged one. so i have to pay for that to happen too. my car will soon be four different colors…which i feel pretty good about.

speaking of buying my art, my friend ordered a set of “two minute neurotic comics” greeting cards. i mean, they are basically hallmark moments…. i told him that i could totally get a bottle of whiskey & do that. however, i ended up getting a big bottle of corn vodka instead (it’s okay; it’s local & organic!)
here is what i came up with so far.

a rather graphic memoir II

here is what i told my fifteen year old about this morning when he was complaining about a zit.
such a sympathetic mother….

(i totally misspelled “pilonidal” cyst…that’s about par for me. i don’t have the internet or a medical dictionary at home…so i totally guessed.)

in other news, i read the instant millionaire recently and though it would be nice to have a boat-load of money (i just found out i need four new tires on my car in addition to being overwhelmed by credit card debt….) i am more interested in small goals right now.
so my small goals are to sell a comic & go on five dates (romantic or not–i just fucking need to build up a support system & break down some walls) by the end of the calendar year.
does anyone know a good place to sell graphic & neurotic comics?

next year i am going to focus on relationships & boat-loads of cash.

a rather graphic memoir

now that i’m done with inktober & have worked through a lot of my menopausal motherhood angst via two minute neurotic comics…i am thinking in comics again.
making a comic felt so good, i did another one (you will have to wait until tomorrow.)
& then i started thinking about the “graphic” in graphic memoir.
graphic: giving clear and vividly explicit details
my mom was a registered nurse, so i never really learned not to over-share…especially if it was deeply personal & graphic.
so my graphic comics tend to be, well, graphic.
& seeing as i love wordplay….

having thrown emje the enby under the bus, i am approaching my own graphic memoir from another angle. i am not set on a title or a format, but i am playing around with it.
& it feels good.
so good.

ps. here are some halloween pictures of me & my spooky family

inktober 31st

so i was totally throwing a pity party yesterday.
i was posting day 30 from the grocery store after a last minute trip to the store to get essentials…alone because i misplaced my children again…. and this was after a pointless trip to an ophthalmologist because the fucking pediatrician did not believe me when i told him my girl flunked the vision test due to anxiety, not bad eyesight.
the ophthalmologist confirmed my belief. the girl has 20/20 vision despite how much she worries.
then off to goodwill to get clothes for a family of five and spending half of my paycheck on said clothing & supplies.
home to cook a dinner that went cold after my kids never came to eat because they had all wandered off.
then to the grocery.
all of this involves driving at least 20 minutes to get anywhere.
so
long story…i was rattled & tired & pissy, & i posted while feeling pointless.

thank you to y’all for responding so nicely. it embarrassed me, but also felt good.
i’m glad it’s not just my demons listening.

and here it is.
last day.
all hallow’s eve & a magical night where people make offerings to all the little demons of the season.

inktober 30th

one more day to go & i’m wondering why i bothered…
i know i’m not getting any rewards or recognition and (i’m guessing) y’all wouldn’t care if i completed inktober or not…
but! i did do an inking a day & posted it here. so there is that….
i can give myself a gold star (wait! remember…one more day to go)

inktober 29th

more doodles for inktober influenced by thoughts on nature & mankind & old gods…incomplete thoughts & fast sketches.

inktober 28th

just a quickie. i’m so very tired & overwhelmed….
i’m still not using prompts. i’m not sure i ever have for inktober. like most of life, i prefer to wing it.