Emje McCarty's Blog, page 12

daily doodles…little breakthroughs

so while i was wondering about my rage & sorrow being so tangled together, i drew a card in my tarot deck that suggested i find all the different me’s and lead them all home….
i meditated on this as i reluctantly drove towards madison, wisconsin to see my sister and pick up my kids. (i was feeling very doom & gloom about the trip but was unable to find a good reason to postpone it.)
what came to mind was a knot. something about me, i enjoy untangling knots. so i started untangling this knot in my mind. as the strands fell apart, i did discover rage & sorrow entangled, but also, happiness.
then as i pictured my rage & sorrow, it was more like a bowl of cold sesame noodles. those thick noodles. maybe some broccoli…but a nice bowl of noodles.
and just like that, i was no longer in a state of despair. i felt calm again. chipper even.
now, when i feel my rage building, i think about running my hands through those nice, loose, oily noodles. i’m not sure why it works…but it does.

the song i’m singing

i want to write a song
about how a boy
from the suburbs
broke my heart
i want to write a song
probably a punk rock song
but with a slow
beginning
&
heartbreak coming in strong
as that boy
from the suburbs
runs away with my heart
i want to write a song
with a long instumental
interlude
that rocks
as the years go by
& i grow old
waiting
for that boy
from the suburbs
to come back
with my heart

throw back thursday…or further proof that i am and always have been a genius

“y’know, dogs
at least
sniff their hellos”
he leaned over
to mutter at me
on the quiet
bus stop.
“i was thinking
the very
same
thing”
i agreed
so pleased
at the broken silence
my tail wagged
too hard
& i peed
myself
with excitement….

found in a journal…i think i must have ridden buses a lot in the nineties or maybe i was just obsessed with bus culture? …the art is new, the poem, old.

saint nobody page twelve

daily doodles…what to do with my rage

i’m tired of being all cunty…
but when i try to slow down
my rage
i become a limp pile
of sorrow….

daily doodles…keeping on keeping on

i think what i usually do is brush over this sadness every spring…
i am hoping something will change this time with my refusing to move away from the sad while holding on to the hopeful….

digging out the trauma

i still haven’t figured out what caused such a significant trauma for me in this relationship. i plan to never get over the guy…but i would like to move past the trauma…. i feel like there is something more than the obvious. i just have to keep sifting through the rubble i suppose.

saint nobody page eleven

daily doodles…sock puppets

i’m still navigating some deep
untapped
emotions
my heart flapping open
unexpectedly at times
night time heavy with dreams
forgotten

me? i’ve always been strange….

looking through old journals, i found this sketch book from my high school years. testament to my commitment to the fringe.