Monica Berg's Blog, page 28

Life, Most Passionately

Passion: Even the word sounds heady. It brings to mind Romeo and Juliet (or maybe Mr. Darcy?) or some other caution-to-the-wind romance… swept, irrational, all-consuming. We use it when we talk about things that stir us: I’m passionate about this cause (or person or topic). The Oxford Dictionary defines passion as “a very strong feeling of love, hatred, anger, enthusiasm, etc.” The question is, where does this “very strong feeling” come from? And might it be possible to generate it ourselves?

Contrary to the myth of die-by-the-dagger romance (I mean, come on, Juliet–there must have been a better way!), passion isn’t something out there waiting for us to stumble upon it. It’s an internal quality, something that we can not only cultivate but also direct towards positive change.

Enter what I call the practice of passion. Passion as a practice requires us to face the world in the fullness of ourselves. To be honest with ourselves about who we are and what we truly want. It asks us to be courageous. Fearless. It demands that we never settle; and that instead, we act. The German word for passion is Leidenschaft, which roughly translates to “the ability to hardship.” In other words, to generate passion, we need to do the work required to manifest it! That work may involve failing. It may mean losing someone or something that has held us back. And almost certainly, it will mean sacrificing an aspect of our comfort, because that’s what growth and change require.

Too many people are living in what my husband Michael and I call “the almost.” They’re doing fine, feeling okay about their jobs, their lives, their circumstances. Just okay. But I’m here to tell you that in my view, “okay” is not enough! We needn’t look far to see that living life with the fullness of ourselves isn’t a luxury–it is, quite literally, natural. A rushing stream doesn’t suddenly stop in its course without cause. A bee doesn’t decide to quit seeking nectar because it’s bored of pollination. Everything follows its own nature, and through that nature, it does what it is meant to do… wholly and even joyfully. We, too, need only to find ways to express more of who we truly are–and through that expression, we generate passion.

Something in us knows when we require a major life change, but more often than not, even a small change can reap great rewards. The problem? When we’re feeling passionless, fear can set in. It can paralyze us in the way a sailboat on a still lake cannot move without the wind. To create that breeze, we ourselves must move, physically or otherwise. This is where we gather our courage and welcome change. (Take it from a self-named change junkie: change is good!)

One way to invite in a nice breeze is to expand your interests in new directions. A recent study shared in Inc. magazine showed that people who have a hobby or activity they are passionate about are more confident, resilient, and satisfied in other areas of their lives. According to Duke psychologist Patrician Linville, this is because when we fortify our interests and skill sets, we add to our perceived roles–to what she calls our “portfolio of selves.” We no longer see ourselves as just a parent, a caretaker, or a worker with a title at a certain job. We’re also a surfer, a gardener, or a master baker. Doing something that makes us feel joyful and connected spreads that sense of movement and exhilaration to those stagnant corners.

Abigail and I have been working on our own “passion project,” a series of children’s books focusing on the positive aspects of being labeled as different. For Abigail, having learning differences may have set her back in reading early on. However, it moved her forward in her ability to practice self-advocacy. She found her voice–first at school, and now through the books we’re creating. See? Passion can generate both winds and wonders!

Here are a few tips for cultivating more passion in your own life:

1) Look for the places where you’re lacking in enthusiasm. I’m not talking about that occasional “off” day (we all have those). I mean those areas in your life where you consistently feel uninspired.

2) Find ways to bring more zing to these places. It may be as simple as planning a romantic trip to a new city or landscape to spice up a relationship. It may mean advocating for yourself in your job or paying more attention to the aspects of it that light you up. Sometimes we don’t even realize how we might connect more, simply by speaking up or by shifting our attention towards the positive.

3) What is something you’ve always wanted to explore? Follow that instinct. Just as a candle reveals what was already there in the dark, there are passions within us waiting to be discovered–and with them, parts of ourselves we had no idea existed!

As Kabbalah teaches, we are each meant to find and manifest our highest purpose in this life. That means tuning in to what makes us feel most alive. So this week, turn on the light. Take a risk. Dare to step into something passion-worthy… something that makes you smile. Or swoon.

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The Immortal Gift of Fatherly Wisdom

As the Zohar teaches, we all pass from this world, but the light we bring to it never leaves. I’ve been reflecting on this idea a lot. Because while the two most influential father figures I’ve known–my father and my father-in-law–have passed on from this earthly life, their influence remains very much alive and well.

In this spirit, and to honor them both this Father’s Day week, I’d like to share just a few of the life lessons they’ve passed along to me. And now, onward to you, with love:

1) Being strong doesn’t mean you can’t be gentle, kind, and empathetic.

Rav Berg, my father-in-law and revered teacher, was one of the strongest people I have ever known. At the same time, few people in this world could connect with another’s pain or experience with such authentic compassion. For as wise and successful as he was in becoming a spiritual leader, developing the Kabbalah Centre, and meeting with other great giants of the world, the Rav was deeply empathetic and remarkably humble.

I remember so clearly, even today, how I felt just two days after Josh was born. I came home from the hospital. My wounds were still fresh, and I was in deep pain–both the physical kind, from the C-section, and the less-visible kind that came from knowing that our son had been diagnosed with Down Syndrome. I remember feeling very broken. I was really emotionally distraught; I was scared, I was full of doubt about the future and confused as to how I would navigate a world which now felt foreign to me. That afternoon, sitting on my bed, the Rav walked in and pulled up a chair. He just sat next to me in silence. Twenty minutes had gone by when he looked at me and simply said, “Monica, It didn’t just happen to you.” And at that moment, 50% of my pain just melted away. This wasn’t just my pain and fear. I wasn’t alone. I had never felt more completely seen or understood.

My father-in-law once said that “loving others is how we access true reality and affect every atom in the universe.” He was right–because his presence still affects every atom in ours!

2) Be certain in your path, and persevere.

I often tell the story of another time when, after our daughter, Miriam was born, I experienced a terrifying health scare. But the Rav said (or rather, yelled) to me through the other end of the phone, when my panic was starting to take over, “Monica! Fear is Not an Option!” and his words resonated so deeply, they became the title of my first book. And he lived by those words himself. His determination and perseverance were, in every way, singular. And yet, through all this unwavering fearlessness, he still ranked love at the top of his list. He (half-jokingly) called himself “selfish,” remarking that he shared his light only because he had to in order to receive more light himself! But he–like the rest of us–could only share exactly what and who he was. He was strength. And certainty. And goodness. And light.

3) Love is acceptance beyond conditions.

My own father was not a public figure like the Rav, but to me, he was a giant. (Granted, his dementia changed this–but that version was not who he was for most of his life.) One of the greatest qualities my father modeled for me was that unconditional love that instilled a freedom of thought and heart in me that I only fully realized after he passed away. His version of love was accepting, regardless of circumstance. He would quietly hold my hand, literally and figuratively, even while I made choices that he knew would negatively affect me.

When, as a teen, I was struggling with an eating disorder, my father never questioned me. He simply accepted me. During this and other challenging times in my life, he refrained from trying to control me. He taught me that control runs counter to love. And, as I healed myself, I realized that my father’s quiet constancy was my lighthouse. I knew that no matter how far I might drift, even from myself, that safe harbor was always close by. And it still is.

4) Vulnerability invites (and grows) our ability to love and be loved.

My father also showed me that the internalized ability to be loved is just as powerful as is the external force of loving. With him, I didn’t feel the need to hide my foibles and darker angels because he created space for me to be my most authentic self. He was a deeply expressive and emotional man, the kind of man who said, “I love you” many times a day to those he loved. He wasn’t afraid to show his love, to cry in front of others, or to admit he was wrong. He valued his family deeply, and he gave and received love unapologetically.

Because of all this, I grew strong enough to love and value myself. I knew that no matter what I said or did, my father would always love me. It was freeing to know that I could be me–for better or worse–and still be wholly loved!

5) Learn to love and accept yourself first (idiosyncrasies and all!). After that, anything is possible!

Self-love doesn’t happen suddenly; it evolves over time and with practice and experience. On my first trip to Israel with my father (it was just the two of us), I began to understand this. Because for the first time, we finally saw each other for who we were–beyond our family roles. We laughed until we cried… and part of that laughter was due to the “odd” parts of ourselves we bared. By learning to accept and appreciate my father just as he was, I was learning to accept myself, too.

Both my father and the Rav helped me to cultivate my self-love. They encouraged me to lean into my authenticity and find my purpose and potential–which is exactly what the world needs each one of us to share!

This week, take a moment to reflect on, and be grateful for, the lessons you’ve learned from those fathers–or fatherly types–in your own life.

While not all lessons are necessarily positive, they all help us grow. Because no matter where we are today, we are always standing on the shoulders of those who came before. And from that place, we can see a little farther and fly a little higher.

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Mark My Words… and Your Own!

You are smart. You are kind. You are beautiful. Believe it.

Believe it, because words are potent! They are healers, weapons, bridges, and tools for transformation. According to Ethnologue, there are more than 7100 languages spoken in the world today. And in every one of these languages, thoughts are encoded into sounds or symbols, which are passed through ears or eyes and interpreted into meaning. It’s nothing short of miraculous, if you think about it!

And words tell stories. Only in the retelling do our experiences gain substance. What was ephemeral finds expression in words. In this way, language gives our lives permanence. It has formed laws and started and ended wars. Entire civilizations have been built on words (case in point: our own Constitution). Through language, we certify important passages, as in “I now pronounce you man and wife”… or, timely right now: “You are now an official graduate–here, take this written diploma that proves it!” (We’ve got a few of those at our house… proud parent moments!) Words have a sealing, finalizing quality.

And beautiful? Oh, how they can be! We love language that expresses life-affirming sentiments. In my book Rethink Love, I included a love letter I wrote to my husband, Michael. It was so much more than words on a page: in that letter was a shared life, an emotion captured in words! It brought substance and power to my intention for the project.

But words can be harmful, too. Especially when we toss them around (or take them in) carelessly. Sometimes we say negative things, flippantly. We turn on ourselves in negative self-talk: I don’t deserve this… or I can’t do this. We’ve all been there. And then there’s the constant stream of negativity available 24/7 on tv. Or, while sitting at lunch with friends, how tempting it can be to get drawn into gossip.

But Kabbalah teaches that speaking negatively about someone (including ourselves) is the worst form of darkness. It’s an arrow that turns itself back against the speaker. So whatever bad thing you have to say about another, you are, in effect, revealing that very same thing about yourself. And, if the bad speech is about YOU, then it’s doubly harmful!

In a way, we live our words, and our words live us. Countless studies have shown that children will live up to the expectations set for them through the words, speech, and behaviors of the adults around them. (This phenomenon is known as the Pygmalion Effect.) In fact, a long-term study by the National Center for Education Statistics found that students whose high school teachers had high expectations of them graduated from college at three times the rate of those whose teachers had low expectations.

Likewise, a slab of clay doesn’t manifest into something until a sculptor’s hands form it. Think of spiritual energy as that lump of unworked clay. Our words and thoughts sculpt that energy, giving it shape, form, and dimension in our reality. According to the Zohar, “Human speech is intimately tied to the Divine. The voice can summon forth both dark and Light forces.”

The good news? Because words come from thoughts and thoughts can be changed, we can change our reality just by shifting the negative into the positive!

So next time you’re hedging into negative territory with your thoughts or speech, stop. Think. And challenge yourself to shift to the positive. For example, you can tackle a “problem,” or face a “challenge.” You can see something as a “dead end,” or view it as a “detour” to something better. And the same idea or object might be seen as “beautiful,” “interesting,” or “ugly,” depending on who is describing it.

All words are powerful. Every single one. As the Rav said, it takes one moment to destroy what it takes years to build. Yet the opposite is also true: We can build a new world in an instant–one that lifts and brings light to ourselves and our world. Because if we think it, write it, and speak it, we’re more than halfway there.

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POOSH

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Shavuot: From the Many to the One

In the past 60 seconds, your body has undergone countless transformations. Your brain has received millions of bits of visual information, which are being processed (along with other sensory input) through countless neural mechanisms. Your heart has pumped around 80 times (an average resting number), sending 1.5 gallons through a complex network of blood vessels to deliver nutrients and oxygen throughout your body’s 37+ trillion cells. Meanwhile, your lungs have processed 7-8 liters of air, and your digestive and endocrine systems, along with others, have performed millions of unseen exchanges–all in support of your existence!

And although many of these functions are involuntary, or autonomic, the breakdown of even one of them could cause a collapse of the entire system.

This is what unity looks like on a small scale. But on Shavuot (the 6th-7th of Sivan) and the days around it, the world of illusion and separation gives way to the grandest unity of all. Because on this date over 3400 years ago, the Light of the Creator was fully revealed to every nation in every language, ushering in what Rav Berg called the gift of all the secrets in the Universe. This was the dawn of unity consciousness, or Tselem (which translates roughly to mean “in the image of the Creator”).

Tapping into this Tselem consciousness elevates us beyond intellectualizing or imagining our connection with the Light. Instead, we feel it… we know it… we BECOME it. We realize that we are not merely a shadow or an instrument of the Creator; we ARE the Creator!

Einstein, Hawking, and many others devoted years of their lives to the quest of finding a unified theory, or a theory of everything (featured in the movie by that name). Yet Kabbalah teaches that there is completeness and wholeness in the Light of the Creator. In fact, we ourselves are light-filled beings, right down to our DNA. Recent studies in biophotonics have shown that every living creature emits a low level of visible light, ranging from a few photons to up to 1000 or more photons per square centimeter of living tissue. So when someone tells you to “shine on,” they may mean it quite literally!

Recognizing our inner light helps us realize the power of receiving not for myself only, but rather for sharing with others as well. Because while a candle on a table may brighten a small room, a candle that lights other candles has the potential to illuminate without end! As Kabbalah teaches, this is how we become immortal–by doing work that lives beyond ourselves.

There are places where life is calling to us, where unity has given way to separation, sadness, and despair. Often, tragedies occur when the wholeness has been ignored, hidden, or forgotten. Yet we are each given a unique blend of passions, talents, skills, and opportunities through which our light can help illuminate the dark places in the world. To brighten them in ways that only we can!

This week, remember that the Creator lies not just “out there” but within YOU.

Where are the candles in the world that are asking for YOUR brand of light?

The more we connect to the source, the more we understand how inextricably linked we are to one another, to all of life, and to the entire cosmos. Our role is neither more nor less important than that of any other person. We breathe the same air, observe the same stars, and drink the same water from the same rains that have fallen on every great person who ever lived or will live. In other words, YOU have all the power you need to achieve, heal, or create anything you imagine!

Because during this time of Shavuot, it’s as though we are all still standing at Mount Sinai thousands of years ago, witnessing a radiance bright enough to ignite a million candles, starting with our own.

 

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It’s Gemini, and the Whole World is Humming!

Do you feel the crackle of energy around you? The kind that brings to mind a summer evening in a sparkling city… or that electric moment just before your favorite band steps out on stage? You’re probably feeling the cosmic current of Gemini, pulsing with limitless possibility! This month (Sivan in Hebrew) is all about movement, change, excitement, and energy of all kinds.

Ruled by the planet Mercury (which travels at 140,000 miles per hour and dashes around the sun in just 88 Earth days!), those born under the sign of Gemini are able to process information at warp speed. They are inherently “mercurial”: defined by terms like brilliant, enthusiastic, quick to think, and quick to laugh.

I know this firsthand, since Geminis inhabit an almost mystical presence in my life. I have two Gemini daughters, a half-Gemini husband, and a Gemini best friend, for starters (and don’t even get me started on the amount of time spent gift shopping this month!). They’re human lightning rods, able to perceive and utilize frequencies the rest of us might not even know exist. They’re like orchestra conductors–only, instead of conducting music, they conduct the flow of activity and ideas.

And lucky for us, this month, we can all channel the dynamic mystique of this sign. Gemini is the superconductor of the zodiac with multiple circuits extending in all directions, including between the earth and the celestial sphere. In his book Kabbalistic Astrology, the Rav explains how “physical proximity indicates a spiritual resemblance. As the closest planet to the Sun, Mercury has the greatest spiritual similarity to that star. “For this reason, the energy of Gemini brings us an opportunity to bridge the physical world with the Light of the Creator more quickly and easily than at any other time of year!

This opens a tremendous opportunity for manifesting anything we desire: a creative project, a new exercise regimen, a bold innovation, or a new friendship or relationship. The air (Gemini’s element) is stirring with potential, and from that potential, we can manifest our goals and desires with more efficiency.

But because Gemini is a dual sign, symbolized by twins, balance is important. Consider the planet Mercury: On the side facing the sun, temperatures can reach 800+ degrees Fahrenheit! Meanwhile, the dark side can plummet to -330 degrees. So, while we might feel all circuits set to ON, if we push too far or become overtaxed… ever heard of a blown fuse? Exactly. All circuits OFF.

We can avoid “short-circuiting” by slowing down, getting enough sleep, and scheduling moments for reflection and connection with those we love. These are things I continue to work on in my own Gemini-inspired “all-systems-go” schedule these days. (Learning–it’s a process!)

While in the luster of Gemini, we can also get a bit caught up in the shiny-pretty world of appearances. But since the real light lies on the inside, we need to get past the glitz and glamour and dig deeper. As Gemini architect Frank Lloyd Wright said (when asked about his design inspiration), “The answer [lies] in yourself… within the nature of the thing that you represent as yourself. That’s where architecture lies. That’s where humanity lies.”

When we strive to reveal our own true essence through our work, we, too, can become “messengers of the Light.” And we can look beyond the outside and not only notice, but cultivate, the inner light in others as well. It’s like opening the curtains to reveal a once-hidden sun!

In fact, there’s no better time to play bigger and brighter and to step out of your comfort zone.

Start by asking:

● What am I seeking (Connection? A new romance? A healthier body? More intellectual or creative stimulation? etc.)? And how can I tap into this month’s cosmic influence to begin to shed more light on my vision?

● How can I turn up the dial on my life while also maintaining a healthy sense of balance?

This month, get out there and enjoy the zing in the air! Some may think it’s just spring fever, but with the influence of Gemini providing an almost constant charge, we’re all vibrating at a higher frequency!

Remember: We are connected to the Light of the Creator in the same way that a street lamp is connected to the power grid. We can go about our business with the switch turned to OFF, or we can turn ON our efforts, tune in to what we truly want, and start creating. Relating. Transforming.

Because when enough of us tap into that current, it’s like all the avenues of our lives switch on at once, like Broadway at dusk. The lights are twinkling, there’s a buzz in the air, and I think I hear some jazz playing in the distance…

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THIS Is What Eternity Looks Like

“Time is the soul of this world.” –Pythagoras

Our relationship with time is perplexing. We’ve all heard the phrase, “Time passes quickly when you’re having fun,” — but we’ve also heard and felt how “the day dragged on” or how something “took forever.” One of my favorites is, “The days are long, but the years are short,” which is something every parent can relate to. (Let’s be honest: when you have a fussy toddler, even an hour at a restaurant can feel like an eternity!) Yet, flash forward… and when we see that same child in her cap and gown at graduation, we wonder where all the time has gone.

So how do we make the most of our (relatively brief) time on Earth and seek that eternal aspect of time the Kabbalists describe?

The first step is to realize that time may be objective as a human construct (as measured by our watches or calendars or train schedules), but it’s also a highly subjective facet of consciousness. In that sense, it is eternal. As the Rav wrote, “…yesterday, today and tomorrow is one.” All of time is connected; in a sense, every moment holds the power of every other moment that ever was or will be.

French philosopher Henri Bergson expressed a similar idea in his writings on la durée, or “duration.” He used the example of music. Each note in a song is connected to every other, just as the present and future are infused with the past. Bergson believed that by consciously viewing the wholeness of our experience (what he called lived time), rather than focusing on the smaller segments, we can better understand the endless thread that connects all.

And the only way into that eternal stream of time is through the present moment! We enter it when we bring the fullness of ourselves to anything. In Eastern thought, this is known as a “Zen” state. When we’re involved in something we love, or with someone we love, time seems to disappear. We can also access this eternal aspect of time through memory. Recently, Michael and I reflected on one of our favorite pictures: a photo of us dancing at our wedding. Within the frame, Michael’s father, the Rav, is standing nearby, smiling. His face, and the entire scene, radiates pure joy. Although the Rav has been gone from this Earth for nearly a decade, in theory, he is still there smiling, laughing, clapping, and dancing. By connecting with that joy, we, too, return there to him, and to the music and festivities and to all the people we love who were there. We transcend memory and reconnect with what we perceive as the past when we realize that all of time is accessible in the same way that the ocean can be entered from every shore.

Once, while traveling on the long flight to Israel and feeling restless, I put on a certain song that I love to run to, and I closed my eyes and envisioned myself running. The minute the song started, I could actually feel my body change. I started to sweat as though I were running! While still sitting in that airplane seat, I had connected to time both consciously and physically–and there I was, running where the legroom was plentiful, and the scenery didn’t include the snoring woman in the next seat!

That’s not to say that this construct we call “time” isn’t useful in creating order in society. And in that sense, we’re all given the same 1440 minutes every day with which to do as we please. Ashley Whillans, author of the book Time Smart, offers a more worldly look at the challenges we face around time. She describes the difference between time affluence and time poverty and encourages us all to strive for the former. Her studies have shown how those who value time more than money or acquisitions tend to be happier (hence “time affluence”). “Time poverty” happens when our actions lack real meaning to us and when we allow distractions to take over. She references what Brigid Schulte calls “time confetti”–or the scattering of attention that results from being pulled in too many directions.

We all know this drill: God forbid we don’t check our emails 100 times a day! And then we HAVE to return that call, reply to that text, check our social media, and read those CNN headlines. We miss the present moment and, in a spiritual sense, all the lasting blessings that can come from it. Because if our mind isn’t there, neither are we. We may think we’re brilliantly multitasking by chatting with a friend the entire time while pushing our toddler through the park, but where’s the connection?

There are so many moments wherein we can choose to grow, connect, and share our light. And those moments, whether cherished or missed, quickly add up to hours, days, and years. Meanwhile, children grow, we do as well, and loved ones pass from this world…

So this week, ask yourself:

How am I spending my time? And (most importantly) am I being fully present in ways that are purposeful and meaningful to me and to those around me? Am I taking advantage of the gift of this moment?

The Zohar likens our lives to the flame of an oil lamp. We take for granted that the flame is burning. But in reality, at every instant, a new drop of oil is consumed and then replaced by a new drop. Likewise, no matter what any of us has done, even if it was something terrible just a second ago, there is in every moment a new Light. A new chance. A new choice. Essentially, a new you.

In the recent time-travel movie The Adam Project, Mark Ruffalo’s character invokes a Roman proverb when he says,”Enjoy yourself; it’s later than you think.”

Because while eternity may be forever, the chance to make our impression on it is fleeting. And so, who we decide to be right NOW in meeting this singular, miraculous moment is all that will ever truly matter.

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The (not so secret) Power of Hard Work

The (not so secret) Power of Hard Work

To find some of the most profound truths, sometimes we need look no further than a good ol’ fashioned children’s story. Remember the fable about the tortoise and the hare? In Aesop’s story, the hare ridiculed the tortoise for being slow, so the tortoise challenged him to a race and won. Sure, the hare had the “natural talent” (I mean, those legs! Those strides!). But because the tortoise happily did the work and remained focused on his goal, he was able to eclipse that talent with action. And let’s not forget “The Little Engine Who Could,” who climbed a daunting mountainous track–and not just because he believed in himself (“I think I can” is always helpful, but there’s more…). He kept on chugging with a smile on his engine face and his smokestack eyes on the summit, and so he got there.

Hard work is more than just a physical or mental act–it is a spiritual pursuit. Kabbalah teaches that only the things we invest time and energy into will bring the blessings fully back to us. More simply, we are most aligned with the Creator when we earn what we receive. This is because the nature of the Creator is to give. And, since we are made in the image of the Creator, we, too, have the same inclination. When we work hard, we receive some sort of compensation–be it a paycheck, a finished job, or a product. However, when we receive without effort, we risk experiencing what kabbalists call “the bread of shame.”

Our daughter Abigail loves the song “Blood, Sweat, and Tears” from the Leap soundtrack. A few years back, I asked her if she knew what the song’s title meant, and she did not. So I explained that it refers to always doing our best and trying our hardest, no matter how difficult something may seem. It implies never giving up. This was a timely metaphor for a girl who happened to be learning how to ride a two-wheel bike at the time. (You know, a few scraped knees, a dose of frustration–but we always emphasized the getting back up part as the key to success!) Anyway, after my explanation of the song, Abigail asked, “What if the blood, sweat, and tears all happen at the same time?” She was deeply concerned about all that fluid loss at once, which I found adorable. But the truth is, if that messy experience did happen, well then, we’d treat the wounds, take a shower, and–barring any severe injuries–that’s right: we’d rise up and keep at it!

In fact, the kabbalists teach that facing some sort of opposition is the biggest indication that we’re doing something worthwhile–even if it does not involve the need for medical intervention (or lots of towels!). Because if we’re doing something that feels difficult or oppositional, it signifies that we’re tapping into a necessary element for our growth or improvement. Nothing worthwhile comes too easily.

Sometimes we forget this. We look at successful people and assume that whatever they have now just magically came to them. We don’t realize that this is far from the case. For example, golfer Tiger Woods hit at least 1,000 balls following every round in the Majors. Skier Lindsey Vonn averages eight hours a day at the gym. And for most every other success story–be it in sports, science, the arts, or elsewhere, there are endless hours of effort that have led to it. Michelangelo once remarked, “If people knew how hard I had to work to gain my mastery, it would not seem so wonderful at all.”

What the majority of those who have achieved some level of mastery do have in common is a growth mindset. They remain curious and continue working beyond any specific outcome. If Shakespeare had stopped writing after his first published poem, the English language would be missing 37 important plays, 154+ sonnets and poems, and countless sayings still in use more than 400 years after his death!

A recent study published in Biological Psychology confirms the idea that focusing on hard work (versus talent or genetics alone) is the key to success. In one experiment, test subjects performing a task were praised either for their intelligence (as in, “You’re so smart!”) or for their effort ( “Look how hard you worked!”). As the tasks became more difficult, subjects in the second group fared far better, even after making mistakes. Being praised for their hard work resulted in the desire to learn from mistakes, rather than to simply avoid them. Being praised for a set-point of intelligence, on the other hand, can lead one to think, “This is just how I am,” which essentially blunts the growth mindset.

Everyone has something incredible to bring into this world… and our investment of great effort and perseverance puts the control of our lives back in our own hands.

Circling back to Aesop’s fable, it didn’t really matter whether or not the hare could win the race. What did matter was that he didn’t try. Meanwhile, the tortoise, who lacked the gift of speed, possessed the perseverance to work for the win. We all have the power to cross almost any finish line we put out there for ourselves–as long as we ignore the sleepers and the naysayers, believe in ourselves (I think I can!), and stay attuned to the opportunity for growth through the process–blood, sweat, tears and all!

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One Life Radio

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The Coachable Podcast

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