Monica Berg's Blog, page 22

The Modern Mommy Doc Podcast

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Motherly

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GMA3

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Shavuot: Sparks of Eternity

Imagine for a moment that you were immortal. How different would life be?

Things like failure or the thoughts and opinions of others wouldn’t seem so daunting, would they? Instead, if you suddenly discovered that you were immortal, there’s a good chance you would feel a sudden infusion of possibility. Limits would disappear… because, after all, you’re not going anywhere, right?

This is the energy of Shavuot. It’s a day on which we are given the opportunity to experience a taste of limitlessness. To recommit ourselves to living our best life full of blessings and abundance. Shavuot connects us to what kabbalists call the “revelation on Mount Sinai.” The name itself is a code word for the perfect union between the Light and the physical world.

Because that’s what occurred 3,400 years ago in the desert: the connection between the heavens and the earth manifested in the receiving of divine wisdom. As a result, each year at this time, we enter a state of pure potential, where anything and everything is possible–even the idea of immortality.

I know what you’re thinking: How can anything–let alone anyone–be immortal? That goes against every scientific fact and law that we’ve learned. Yet what we know about the nature of life (and, for that matter, of death) is only a tiny glimpse of what lies in the unseen realms.

As for science, we have only begun to scratch the surface of the immortal aspects of our physical universe. For instance, we learn that stars are born and eventually die. But do they, really? The solar energy, radiation, chemical projections, and elements emitted by stars travel through time for billions and trillions of years. And those ejected from “dying” stars become the building blocks for new stars and heavenly bodies, as well as for any life that may exist in the cosmos. In fact, according to NASA, “From the carbon in our DNA to the calcium in our bones, nearly all of the elements in our bodies were forged in the fiery hearts and death throes of stars.” No matter who we are or where we come from, we are each and all made of stardust! And that’s only the physical aspect of our “immortality.”

Our words, our actions, and our creations have the potential to render us immortal, at least in the humanistic sense of the word. Who hasn’t heard the name Plato, even though he lived over two thousand years ago? Who hasn’t heard a sonnet or a play by Shakespeare? Or read a poem by Emily Dickenson? Or admired the works of the many great artists who have long since moved on from this physical realm? We leave remnants of ourselves in our children, our work, and in our very way of being.

We can peer into that sense of the eternal, too, at any time through our spiritual studies and practices–whatever they may be. My husband Michael expressed his own experience this way: “When I am connecting to the Zohar [the teachings of Kabbalah], what I am actually doing is shining down the Light of Immortality to that aspect of my physical body, my soul, and the world…” Our spiritual work helps banish the negativity, chaos, and fear in our lives and realigns us with the Light in all its expressions. And the more we infuse ourselves and our work with that Light, the longer our creations in this world will shine on.

Ultimately, Shavuot serves as a powerful reminder that we are forever in partnership with the Light of the Creator, and that the limits we perceive in our lives are often not real. They exist because we’ve believed them into being. Consider this: just a short 130 years ago, if you had told someone that humans would soon be flying in a machine above the clouds, you might have been shipped off to the asylum. But here we are, with around 2.5 million passengers boarding planes every. Single. Day. So much for those limitations, right?

Likewise, how do you know what you can or cannot achieve until you try? This is a time to set aside your “don’ts” and your “can’ts” and peer through the lens of anything is possible!

From this viewpoint, our challenges and seeming setbacks become opportunities for transformation. By paying attention to what we tend to resist and working through those areas, we become stronger, more resilient, and more capable versions of ourselves. And even one hurdle surmounted helps our resistance to growth and change fall away.

Rav Berg often said that “Consciousness is everything.” The limitless consciousness of Shavuot is potent beyond measure. Whether we think of immortality as a literal possibility or as a metaphorical tool for our own and the world’s evolution, by tapping into it, we ascend beyond our lives as we’ve known them. We begin to recognize and embrace the infinite parts of ourselves–the aspects of our being that are everlasting!

And we come to realize that everything and everyone we meet also share a spark of that eternal Light: the same one that shone into every past… and that will shine into every future yet to be.

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Buckle Up… It’s Gemini!

The beginning of the month of Gemini should come with the same disclaimer you hear at the beginning of a thrill ride: “Fasten your seatbelt and keep your hands and arms inside the car!” The energy of this month is fast, intentional, and forward-moving, and we can ride this energy to achieve pretty much anything we set our minds to doing!

A little about those born under this sign (with two Gemini daughters and a part-Gemini husband, I have a bit of experience in this department!): Those born under this sign are quick-thinking, fast-talking, whip-smart, and charmingly persuasive. They have a penchant for deep learning, humor, efficiency, and novelty. So how does this affect the rest of us? While under the influence of this cosmic window, we may all feel our minds buzzing in exciting new ways!

Gemini (Sivan in Hebrew) is represented by “the twins,” which often epitomizes the sign’s duality. While most Geminis love sharing ideas, knowledge, creativity, and inspiration, they can also be withholding, condescending, and reactive. Also, while the flexible-minded Gemini can see both sides of an issue or argument with remarkable clarity, they may not know which side they actually believe. Such are the challenges and the gifts of the month of Gemini.

Gemini is ruled by Mercury, the fastest planet in our solar system–traveling at 140,000 miles per hour and completing a full trip around the sun in just 88 Earth days! Therefore (and not coincidentally), one of the gifts of the month is ease in movement! We can finally shake loose and create movement in areas of our lives that have felt stuck. And whether we make professional, personal, or creative moves, it is always the spiritual movement that propels all the rest.

The movement inherent in Gemini forces us out of any inertia and helps direct us to our purpose by revealing where we are on our path—and how much further we have to go. This is an ideal time to take a close look at every important area of your life and ask:

Where do I feel stuck in my current situation?

Where would I like to be in my job/relationship/personal life?

What is the grander vision I hold for my life? What does my “ideal world” look like, and what needs to change in order to manifest it?

And once we clarify our vision, we can lay out specific plans and tap into that Gemini momentum to get things rolling at record speed. The most important thing to remember (in light of that duality) is how important it is to keep the train moving forward, not backward! Because those “best-laid plans” this month will always carry the risk of being sidelined or abandoned when life gets busy or those inevitable hurdles arise. The coast may look clear now, but most every forecast will eventually include a rain shower–if not a full-out storm. So we’ve got to prepare for the weather, keep our focus, and commit to staying on course.

That’s where the spiritual movement comes into play. As author and systems scientist Peter Senge noted, “People don’t resist change, they resist being changed.” Change is an internal, not external, endeavor! The world around us will always change… however, the Light of the Creator is a constant. So as we experience change and movement that may shake up our world and tempt us to abandon the progress we make, we can remember to stay connected to the Light.

The bottom line? We’re all getting a dose of warp speed this month. As Gemini rushes in, we can get carried away, both figuratively and literally–but staying on track is easier than you may think. Even if you find yourself whipping around a corner and feeling a little queasy, you can rest assured that it will all eventually slow down–but that doesn’t mean your dreams have to!

Because, as kabbalah teaches, the process is the purpose. So whatever the speed, what’s most important is how we’re growing, versus where we’re going.

*****

Sources

Berg, Monica. Past Blogs:

Gemini: Get Moving! JUNE 7, 2016

Gemini: Spiritual Movement. MAY 14, 2015

Gemini: Stay the Course. MAY 17, 2018

Gemini: How to Boil Water. MAY 21, 2020

Brow, Tracy Ph.D. “Successful Change Management: 6 Surprising Reasons People Resist Change And How To Motivate Them To Embrace It Instead.” Forbes Magazine. 16 February 2020.

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KY3-TV

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WFLA-TV

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The Design You Podcast

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Dear Mom: Through You, I Remember Me

Does a butterfly remember when it was a caterpillar? While floating freely among the daisies, does it ever reflect on its early days spent scaling leaves a millimeter at a time? And does it ever feel nostalgic for the dark cocoon that held its dramatic transformation?

It’s hard to say. But like each of us, the butterfly probably didn’t feel anything but whole at every stage of its metamorphosis. And every “me” that you’ve been is still right there in the “you” of today. Yet there’s something that draws us back to the cocoon–to those open arms where we first felt safe and whole. This is our symbolic (if not literal) mother. And so, whether our mothers are physically here or not… or whether they are entirely different from the traditional “mother” figure, we continue to find ourselves through and because of them.

I know this because I was and am these arms, and, on some days, I long for them, too. I was once the little girl relishing her mother’s warm hug. I was the young parent full of hope and uncertainty for the long road of parenting ahead. I was the doting, stretched-too-thin mother raising four children, three of whom are now young adults. And as my parenting role has shifted through all the stages, so did my role with my own mother. Yet through it all, my mom and I continue to support each other through every new chapter, even now.

Rav Ashlag taught that only when we’re able to see the entire transformation of another–through all their stages and ages–are we able to fully comprehend the meaning and beauty of wholeness. How true this is! Our eldest is now in his early twenties, and our youngest is almost 10. Are any of my children the same version of themselves as they were even five years ago? Of course not! We hear about generalizations (the “terrible twos,” the “awkward teenage years,” etc.), but the truth is so much more nuanced. Each child is as unique as a thumbprint or a snowflake. And the best we can do as parents is to nurture that uniqueness and “draw out” the Light that each child is meant to share with the world.

And who has witnessed such transformation in me? Who was there when I was a frightened, insecure child, a teen struggling with an eating disorder, and a young adult finally growing into her confidence and potential? My mother, of course! I remember when we first moved to New York. Our kids were all at home, and Abigail was just a few months old. We lived in a cramped apartment–a huge change from our spacious home in LA. I didn’t understand the city: uptown, downtown, subways and crowds, and so much noise. I was, to put it mildly, overwhelmed.

My mom flew to my rescue at least seven times that year! We laughed. We talked. We cried. We laughed some more. She coaxed me down from my cliff of anxiety and lifted my spirits and hopes for this new adventure. She provided that unconditional love… those comforting arms. The point is, no matter how much we grow and change or how old we become, there are times when we just crave a look or a hug that makes us feel safe and understood.

Our little ones don’t always get this. But how could they? They see us (their parents or elders) as totally self-reliant. WE are the caretakers, after all. I remember one day when Abigail, who was about five then, asked me, “Why do you still have a mommy if you can now do things for yourself?” I think what she meant was, Why do you need a mom if you ARE a mom?

To her, it’s impossible to imagine her parents as anything but larger than life. Yet we moms also felt that same awe for our parents. They were the ones who changed our diapers… who held our hands at the door to an unfamiliar school. They fed us, clothed us, and gave us room to grow. And later, if we were lucky, they became our confidantes and friends–just as I am for my mom (and was for my dad), and just as my own older children have become dear adult companions for Michael and me.

And so does the circularity of life continue. In what seems like a blink, that once helpless infant may one day become the caretaker for the mother who sings her to sleep tonight. That mothering instinct–and the longing for our mothers–really never ends. Whether we have children or cats, dogs, plants, or friends in need… and whether our own parents are still with us or have passed on from this world, we are always seeking to give and to find that unconditional love. After all, we discover ourselves, too, through the mirror of those who know us best.

Now and then, Abigail has been known to declare, “I want to be JUST like my mom!” When I hear that, I’m deeply honored. Yet I also know that her declaration has less to do with specific qualities in me, or for that matter, with anything material at all. I believe that it has much more to do with the way I make her feel. She wants to create for herself what I wanted to create for myself in my own mother’s image: safety, acceptance, and belonging.

Because ultimately, “mother” and “home” are one and the same. Each offers shelter and warmth through life’s storms. Each provides a place where we can feel our completeness, even as we undergo those odd in-between moments in a life of ages and stages. We long for our mothers because they’re key instruments in our becoming. We feel the warmth of their arms across time and distance. And we count on their presence to encourage us to keep growing our wings so that we, too, can fly.

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From Drops to Oceans: Appreciating Our Teachers

With Teacher Appreciation Week upon us (beginning on May 8), I’d like to first thank all the teachers who have devoted their careers to helping others grow. Teaching is among the noblest of roles in our society. One teacher compared her job to the filling of buckets. She couldn’t do it, she said, unless her own bucket was kept filled… because the more she filled herself, the more she had to offer her students.

A teacher imparts so much more than knowledge–they fill hearts and spirits, too. So it is with each of us. We are each here to learn and teach, to teach and to learn in this great classroom of life. The question is, what will we teach, and what will we choose to learn?

How we conduct ourselves in the world speaks volumes about us, and often, that volume is louder than our own ears realize. We teach (knowingly or not) when we’re with our families, our colleagues, our communities, and those we meet in daily interactions. We teach by doing… and we teach by not doing. And if we want to know the messages we’re conveying, we need only look around us. We know that it’s our spirits, not our minds or bodies, that are the true transmitters of energy. Are we seeing smiles on the faces of those in our company? Are we calming tense situations and adding joy to the mundane? Is the energy lighter and brighter when we leave a place than it was when we first arrived? Pay attention, and you’ll know where there’s work to be done.

So how do we fill our own buckets–not just with more information, but most importantly from a kabbalistic standpoint–with more Light? The key lies in what every teacher by trade knows well: a great teacher needs first to be a great student. That requires cultivating a deep desire to grow our own wisdom so that what we share takes on an illuminated quality.

The Rav and Karen Berg, two of my greatest teachers, understood and modeled this idea up until their final days on this earth. They both continued to learn, grow, and expand the reach of their light, teaching and learning at every opportunity. If anything, the darkest times drew the Rav towards gathering and dispersing more, not less, wisdom. He often reminded his students that true learning requires a measure of resistance. Just as a light bulb relies on the resistance in its coil to glow, so do we need to work against (or despite or through) something to grow our own light. Whether it’s the difficulty of the material we’re learning, the challenges we’re facing in our lives, or our own natural tendencies that resist that learning, kabbalah teaches that it’s the opposition, not the clear path, that connects us to the greatest Light.

Michelangelo claimed that David was already in the stone; he needed only to chip away what was not David to bring his masterpiece into the world. Likewise, the great teacher in us relies on that great student to step up. That means soldiering through all the excuses and distractions and connecting with the great teachers around us. They are everywhere! What’s important is that we go to whatever lengths needed to find them. Is your next great teacher a yoga guru? A rabbi? A thinker whose books are centuries old?

And beyond the illuminated masters, there’s always something to be learned from everyone and everything around us. We can learn from the taxi driver, the checkout person at the grocery store, the love of a pet. We can look to nature and emulate its rhythms and adaptability… and we can learn humility and patience from the passage of time.

Sometimes, we may believe that we are the teacher, only to later realize that we were, even more so, the student. For instance, a mother may instruct her children on the A’s to Z’s of life, but inevitably, she will learn more from them than she can ever imagine. Among my own lessons: through David, our eldest, I’ve learned to stay open and curious to what life brings. Miriam has shown me more about being more free-spirited, confident, and joyful. Josh continually shows (and inspires) a kindness that is truly rare in this world… and Abigail is our brave problem-solver who balances that gift with an equal dose of empathy.

Of course, there are times when our life’s teachers show us who or what we don’t want to be. I remember when others tried to “instruct” me on what I shouldn’t or couldn’t do, or how I would surely fail if I followed this path. But in the end, they were instruments of my resolve. They helped me learn how to silence the negativity and to instead trust myself. To push myself. And through their “non-example,” I was propelled into my own becoming.

Rav Ashlag taught that we often need to fall in order to rise–a truth I’ve lived more than a few times. Last week, I heard an interview with Michael J. Fox, a major star in the 1980s (if you haven’t seen Back to the Future, get your popcorn popping, stat!). Since his diagnosis with Parkinson’s disease in the early 90s, Michael has shared his journey with astounding optimism and humor. As he put it, Parkinson’s “shook [him] awake” in ways that made his life richer and more meaningful. Despite broken bones, a tumor scare, and many other debilitating setbacks, Michael has authored three books, acted in several tv shows and movies, and created the Michael J. Fox Foundation (which has streamed over $1.5 billion into research and help for people with Parkinson’s). As journalist Nate Burleson remarked, “[Michael’s] public fight has given private strength to millions.” And that is how one teaches by example.

This week (and beyond), make an effort to thank the teachers who have made a difference in your life. Write a letter to a former professor who inspired you. Tell a boss, a colleague, a relative (perhaps even your child), or a friend how their example has illuminated your path. And pay attention to what and how you are teaching others through your own doing, saying, and being.

Most of all, never underestimate your power to influence the present and the future! Work through the resistance to get closer to the Light. Because the more you fill your own bucket, the more of that Light you’ll have to pour out into the world.

Happy Teacher Appreciation Week!

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