M.K. Sheehan's Blog, page 6

Be Fully Present

We talk about doing the next right thing but we don’t talk about how that feels in our bodies. When I’m rushing I get this sense of urgency like time is spilling through my fingers like grains of sand at the beach. It feels as if the only thing I can do is fight to cling more tightly to the sand I’m holding. We all know that analogy, the tighter we clench our fists the faster the sand runs through our fingers. Whereas, if we relax our hands and allow them to remain open the sand settles. We may loose a few grains but we hold onto much more than if we closed our hands. It seems only fitting that to do our personal next right thing we need to stop gripping everything so tightly. 

Let things go and let other people help. Trust that your support network – friends, family, neighbors, or co-workers – will step in to provide the help you need. Focus on what you can do right now. What is one small thing you can do really well? As Abraham Martha Beck is credited with first saying, “How we do one thing is how we do everything.” Rather than pushing ourselves to do many things poorly, take a deep breath. What next task feels most important to you?

Don’t worry about everything else. Just be attentive to that one next task and trust yourself. Give that task your full attention. Being embodied in the moment and focused on only one thing allows us to give our full attention to the task. It allows us to deliver our best performance. No matter how small the task, doing it well breeds satisfaction. That feeling is all we need. Because the only moment that actually exists is the present moment. And the only task we can do really well is the one that we are doing presently. With that in mind, breathe, reflect, and choose. 

I wish you peace, serenity, and satisfaction in whatever comes next for you.

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Limited Time + Attention

I’m usually one of those people who mulls things over. I hold on until the event has past, the email is outdated, or I have to make a collection of quick decisions. The intention is there to read it all, participate in every event and opportunity. I am all in for kayaking, book clubs, and retreats. Sign me up! Except when I’m not into it, which as someone who is primarily introverted and really likes her alone time and personal space, is much more frequent than my joiner inclinations are willing to accept. When I do join an event it takes me a significant amount of time before I’m ready to dive back into the social scene. And while I don’t attend everything I’m invited to participate in – I still want the right of first refusal. Include me – yes! Depend on my presence – no thank you.

I’m reading a book about the brevity of life. It talks about all of our inclinations and machinations to “Save time.” The, “time savers,” and “quick tricks,” to empty your inbox or create space in your day. It turns out a lot of these ‘solutions,’ fail because when you send an email you increase your likelihood of getting more emails in return. You have not cleared your inbox after all. You’ve just heightened the expectation for the rapidity of your responses.

Typically, when we free up time in our days by using the washing machine, the dryer, etc. we don’t get that time back and use it for our own goals. Instead we pop over to Pinterest or open Architectural Digest and determine that now it’s time to remodel. We heighten the expectation for what cleanliness, order, and tidiness look like. Now, it’s not ok to simply have a spice rack – we must take every item out of its original packaging and place it in our own personalized containers that we label ourselves so as to match the professional organizer’s images on social media. 

We don’t get that time back and that’s the big takeaway for me. If we keep pressing ourselves to be more productive, to hustle, or accomplish we’re never going to be satiated. Because there’s always more stuff to purchase, events to join, or opportunities to get involved. What it comes down to is hard choices. Do we want to travel the hour to family dinner on Sunday or would we like to mow the lawn? Do we do neither, either, all? That’s up to us. The most important detail is to look inward and determine what we really want. What do I need most? Do I crave the connection with family? Do I have guests coming over and part of what makes me feel comfortable is my lawn looking well cared for? These are hard choices and we can make them. Or put them off until the opportunity has passed. Either way, we’ve made a choice.

Instead let’s focus on what we want and need most in life. Stop trying to control our time. Simply follow the ebbs and flows. If we have thank you notes to write, sit down and write them rather than staring at emails all afternoon willing them to disappear. Even the concept of using time wisely is a modern invention. Time is not meant to be used. We don’t have a set number of years – some of us may be lucky enough to get more than 100, others might not make it out of their twenties. So please, do what brings you joy. Do the things that set your heart on fire. We can’t possibly attend every event or please every person – we can only please ourselves. Do the stuff that fills your cup, if you sprinkle in something else remember that it is bonus. And be fully present for the good things that you choose to do. If it is mowing the lawn – enjoy the long walk outside. And if you can take in the sunset.

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What We Resist Persists

Psychologist and researcher Carl Jung believed that what we resist persists – or in his exact words, “what you resist not only persists, but will grow in size.” When we resist a certain idea or situation it is because we are identifying too strongly with it. When we resist we give more attention to that concept. Our focus creates perceived power for whatever force or event we are experiencing. The reality is that we are only observers of this situation or event. To release ourselves from these feelings we need to realize that we do not have control, none of us does. And isn’t that infuriating?

The illusion of control infiltrates our daily lives. Because of our routines we experience alleged predictability. We presume because we always take this route or follow this pattern the results will be the same. Often we are able to seemingly predict the future simply because we are nestled into a comfortable routine. However, as any dramatic event can quickly show us, the way the day progresses is not promised. We can know the routine intimately and still be surprised when an accident on the highway makes us late or someone pivotal to our lives passes away unexpectedly leaving our entire reality upended. 

The goal is not only to embrace change but rather let go of the illusion of control. We do this by leaning into the resistance. Instead of fighting the situation we let go and let it happen. There is no need to resist because our moods, energy, future are not tied to the outcome.

For example, a boss is hired who is less skilled than you. This does not make you less qualified for your role, or theirs. It simply is. The illusion of power afforded to employers is not power over your reality or even your daily life. Just as your employer determines whether or not they will hire you. You determine if you will accept the role and under what conditions you are willing to work. The actions and activities of others are not a reflection on you or your work. You may choose to invest energy into fighting reality but you are only giving power to that perspective and not yourself.

In order to release yourself from the tension – that in the moment admittedly feels intense – you have to stop resisting the experience. Let go of the illusion of control. What we resist persists. When we resist we add scrutiny, attention, and energy to a situation and it becomes a problem. The key is to see what is rather than all of the meaning, interpretations, and value that you have imposed upon it. Release yourself from the resistance. Until you free yourself, the situation can only persist because it is consuming so much of your attention. Value is created by you and your attachment or disengagement with the experience. When you let go, you free yourself to focus on something else.

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Following Your Yes

The way we run from joy in life you’d think we hated it. We are constantly convincing ourselves that in order for our experiences to be valid, important, or necessary we must also be miserable. It’s easy to start to think that because we can do hard things that it is necessary to ONLY do what is difficult or challenging. In actuality we need to be doing less of what causes anxiety, makes us uncomfortable, or feels like it is not meant for us. We need to follow our yes.

Following our bliss or following your yes is a simple practice of listening and paying attention to your inner voice. The voice that wants ice cream and not dinner. The voice that says let’s go swinging rather than let’s jump on one more webinar. Listening to the voice is not a rejection of mature adult life. It is rather an acceptance that you know what is best for you. You know what you need better than any agenda or app.

You know that you’ve been sitting too much today. Your body is longing to stretch and fly free on the swing. Or noticing that you haven’t eaten enough today or that you’re hungry for a treat and that’s ok. We learn early to reject our inner voices in order to attend school or listen to adults around us. What if instead of trusting that anyone else knows better what you need, you simply trusted that you’ve got this. And if you’re wrong, you’ll figure it out. 

Isn’t that such a simple and yet, revolutionary thought? You don’t have to do the difficult thing, you can do the fun thing. And chances are the fun thing is the right thing for you. We all know that there are days when bills need to be paid. Days when boring meetings must be attended but that is not every day and you know what else? That is not all day. If you know you have a lot of responsibilities or obligations coming up – take some time to treat yourself. Be kind to you and pick up ice cream or pop by a local cafe for a hot beverage. Do something small to bring yourself joy. Even if you’re sitting in a long meeting you can at least sip your drink and offer yourself a small pleasure while in the midst of an unpleasant situation. 

Take care of yourself and follow your yes, let me know where your inner voice guides you!

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Listening Within

Today I am not looking backwards I am only looking forward. It is the only direction I am heading. I read something recently about how our pace is not consistent and that’s ok! Sometimes we’re going to charge ahead towards our goals and plans. Other times we will slowly and cautiously step forward. We may sprint, walk, or crawl – we may even rest and recover and that is important too. The only thing that matters is that we keep moving forward. 

I think that was the most meaningful piece for me to take in – that we are allowed to rest and recover. Particularly when things are hard – there are a lot of us feeling demoralized and down. We are allowed to be sad. It is important to take time to heal and hold ourselves and our loved ones close. This does not mean we are sitting this one out or staying silent on the issues that are most impactful and matter to us. It means we are caring for ourselves first and that is appropriate. 

When we are down or feeling tired we need rest. Self-care is a necessary responsibility. We will get knocked down in life – what matters is that we get back up. What helps us to carry on is the kindness and empathy we show to ourselves. 

Our progress is not measured by others. Let us always remember that we will never be criticized by people who are doing more than us. The people who are working on themselves, doing their own work, and showing up for their own journeys do not have time to critique us and our progress. Research shows that it is only those who are not proud of their own progress that have time to judge yours. 

We are accountable to no one but ourselves and as we authentically and generously listen to out inner voice and our inner calling we will move ahead. We are doing the good work that we were put on this planet to complete. Choosing ourselves and to stay focused on our own journey. Be gentle with you. Trust that you are made of stronger stuff than any of the challenges you may face. 

There’s a saying, “If God brings you to it she will bring you through it.” Trust that even if you are down for now you will follow your inner longing to get up and go forward toward whatever goals and dreams you hold in your heart. You already know where you’ve been – it’s so exciting to see where you’re going!

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Treating Each Day Like a Vacation Day

Not every day can be vacation but I’ve noticed when I start the day with a relaxed mind-set – I’m happier. When a day is for work, the guiding principal seems to be, “utilize every moment for impactful activities and choices.” I enjoy the day a lot less. There is more joy in the day when we focus on meeting our own needs first.

When I begin the day focused on work I find myself rushing, begrudging the tasks that I complete. Stressing out because I can only complete so many unpleasant tasks in a day. Doing things simply for the result of getting them done I find myself begrudging every extra step. Since life is primarilymade up of a multitude of mundane moments this can get pretty overwhelming fast.

The day takes on a pleasant energy when I focus on what I like to do instead. On a “vacation day,” I am already only doing what I want. Doing what brings me joy. Some days it is simply letting myself read a book or popping out to a yoga class. It’s a small chocolate or another herbal tea. These are simple pleasures. Rather than making myself feel worse for choosing something I’d like to do I simply do it. I don’t rush myself, I don’t guilt myself and I refuse to pressure myself to do it quickly. Reading a few chapters of a good book is delightful. Allowing myself to rest before I burn out is impactful and powerful. Doing these activities puts me in a growth mindset rather than a stagnant one.

To be clear I am NOT doing these things in order to be more productive. But I do find it easier to complete unpleasant tasks when I am coming from a place of rest, comfort, ease and satisfaction. We feel good when our needs are being met. It is a pleasure to go through the day as if it were a vacation day. It gives a little breathing room and creates opportunities to treat ourselves well.

How to you organize your day? Do you force yourself to stay on task or do you allow your day to unfold more naturally?

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Experiencing Awe

Today the rain is pouring outside. Thick heavy drops splashing on the window ledge fill our home with a gentle roar. The weight of life rolling down the window panes and over the shingled roof. It feels exquisite to be inside watching the water pour and the tree limbs sway. It fills me with gratitude. We are cozy, warm, and safe. Thunder powerfully rumbles overhead. The size and shape of the clouds creating noise and energy that astounds and humbles me. To consider the magnitude of ever shifting and rolling momentum fills me with awe. 

The rain and the clouds hovering overhead, remind me of the gifts this world has to offer us. The plenty that surrounds and engulfs our daily life. We are so small in this ever expanding universe. Simple situations and worries can seem so monumental to us. And yet, from the perspective of the world these are small things. Our desires, hopes, fears – all of them are so tiny. And really, what is there to worry about? 

Petty embarrassments, moods, situations – all of these things change like the weather. In a flash of lighting the storm has moved on and our small problems are similar. Much like the temperature, rain fall, the wind, all of it can go from the thunderous and terrifying to a gentle kiss in an instant. As Pullitzer Prize winning journalist Mary Schmich tells us, “In the end the race is only against ourselves.”

It’s powerful to consider – if we are not on earth to rush to any destination or achieve some lofty goal. We may only be here for this time, the journey, and all of its twists and turns. Our role may not be to fix, solve, or remedy. Our existence my be our only purpose. Maybe that’s true and maybe it isn’t. Perhaps we too are only here for a brief moment and have no other objective than to experience the awe and wonder that is life. What is the purpose of the rain? Is it not already perfect? What if we too, are already perfect?

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Clear the Clutter

This weekend it snowed – even though we are well into the spring here in the midwest we can see snow into May and so I have come to expect some flurries with my sunshine. With the snowy weather outside my partner and I took the time to clear the clutter and organize our storage space. 

We updated labels, moving things from cardboard boxes into sealed plastic containers. We placed items of the same family together – sports equipment, kitchen and entertaining supplies, holiday decorations, and family heirlooms got their own sections. It was freeing and the speed of the work impressed me. It only took us a couple hours to purge, clean, and organize the space. After that was done we even found time to hang drapes and finally organize some of our catch-all bins. We even donated some items we have been collecting since we moved in.

In the grand scheme of things these are all small steps. They are not particularly transformative to our daily lives or even to our home. How often do we give guests a tour of our storage space? However, the process was cathartic, my partner and I worked together, that made the task fun. Completing the small tasks gave us momentum to do bigger things.

It’s incredible the impact that these small projects can have to releasing our mental blocks and freeing us to move forward. Unfinished tasks can become self-imposed limitations. We convince ourselves that we’re not allowed to move forward on another project until this “work,” is done. Your brain doesn’t care how irrelevant the task is, it only knows that you want to accomplish it. So your brain keeps following the map, directing your train of thought back to that same station – “I need to organize our family photos, I need to clean out that bin.” All of these boring but necessary tasks that we put off just burn our mental energy. However when we complete those boring tasks and take them off of our mental destination list we free ourselves. Our train of thought can now plow full steam ahead toward goals, dreams, and creative ambitions. 

It isn’t glamorous but I cannot recommend the results more highly. Do those small menial tasks and see if the repetitive labor doesn’t give you time to think and imagine. See if the satisfaction that comes from a job well done doesn’t inspire you to tackle another task. The results are not just simply the pleasure of a clean space but also the freedom to think about something else. Clear the clutter and see if it is just the weight that was holding you back from flying!

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Holding Space

One of the lessons I am learning and re-learning is the imperative nature of self-care. Taking care of ourselves well is our first and primary responsibility. In an active life it is easy to loose track of doing the things that nurture and support ourselves. We fall behind with dental appointments, forget to reschedule a salon visit, and before we realize it we’re feeling stressed, overwhelmed, and tired by the prospect of tackling all of the responsibilities we have in our lives.

Today instead of writing out strategies to stay ahead or accomplish more – I am holding space for you. Instead of writing a blog for you to read I am giving you back the time you might have used to read this post. I compiled a list that is by no means all encompassing. It is simply a list of suggestions, ideas for self-care that you might not have considered or thought about recently. So, rather than reading something inspirational here – take the time that you typically invest in reading and give yourself the following gifts instead. Do one or maybe three if you’re feeling adventurous. Whatever you choose I hope it serves you, supports you, and makes you feel deeply cared for and appreciated.

Take 5 deep breathsCall one person who always makes you laughPick up 3 things and put them awayFlossTake a sip of waterDo 5 circles with your head and then do them in the opposite directionTurn on your favorite song and have a dance party by yourselfClose your eyes and count to 10Have a snackSet a timer and daydream for 5 minutes

These are small practices that serve you. I hope you and enjoy them and know they are here whenever you need a break!

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Perfect Day

Today I executed the exact perfect day – for me. I woke up early and wrote, ate a healthy breakfast and headed to a yoga class in town. After yoga I came home and painted, prepped dinner and called my dad as I pickled vegetables. I showered and ate lunch with my husband, headed to school for a performance, talked with my grandmother on the way. We picked up dessert at the bakery, delivering treats and the children home safely. I meditated and I am writing. 

Even with all those good things, the day still had it’s ups and downs. I felt rushed and eager to finish things. And may have ruined a painting because I did not have the patience to wait for the right color. I am not happy with the end result. But I didn’t want to wait. It felt like I had to finish something. Like each of those statements in my first paragraph had to be true. That compulsion to check all of the boxes and if I did not then I would not be doing my best to live my best day. It’s interesting how in attempting to have the, “Perfect Day,” I put unnecessary pressure on myself. How it could not just be a good day, it had to be, “perfect.” 

Rather than punishing myself for using the sticky paint instead of waiting for a fresh jar, I’m going to let it go and instead choose to notice the things I felt drawn to. Making meals from scratch, listening to 90’s country music in the kitchen, and catching up with family. Right now I’m listening to a really good book on tape – Heartburn by Nora Ephron. Meryl Streep is reading, and as always, a flawless performance. I felt drawn to exercise, create, and sit in the sun. And I did not like having to delay my painting to accommodate a lack of proper equipment. 

I noticed on the drive home from school that suddenly the trees in our neighborhood have leaves. Soon there will be sun and shade, color and vibrancy. And this day is not done. I just might sneak over to the pool for the first swim of summer. What a treat to enjoy unexpected fun and whimsy.

I don’t have to have the perfect day and I don’t have to follow the perfect schedule. A good life is made up of a variety of experiences and emotions. None of us are perfect and none of our days are perfect either. It’s just noticing the bright spots, the sunlight through the leaves and the goodness that surrounds and fills us. 

After noticing those things that brightened my day and made the time feel sweeter, I’m planning to incorporate more of them into my life. More 90’s country music, more homemade meals, more calling my family and connecting with the people I love most. Those are the things that fill me and fuel me, the things that make life sweeter. It’s a great day and it may not be perfect, but life doesn’t have to be perfect to be wonderful. I hope you take a moment today to think about what brings you joy and find a way to incorporate more of it into your daily life. M

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