M.K. Sheehan's Blog, page 9

Writing Revolutions

As we enter into another year I am thinking less about the new resolutions I will make and more about the things I am resolved to not carry with me any longer. In order to make space in my life for abundance, joy, and love in the year to come I need to begin writing revolutions. This includes letting go of those things that are no longer meant for me. Releasing all that no longer supports and nourishes me and freeing myself from the obligations and burdens of the past in order to walk more confidently into my future.

For me this looks like releasing obligations made by a past version of myself. I started my writing revolution (I meant to type resolution here but I think the universe knows what I’m talking about so I am going to leave it – revolutions I shall have!). My process includes going through the previous year’s writings. I look for what goals I write and what dreams I still have on my list to achieve. There are two parts to this exercise and I missed one of them. I found my goals and dreams. I forgot to highlight the accomplishments and big steps I have taken forward. And therefore without the support of those accomplishments buttressing my dreams it felt as if my list of duties and obligations only grew while my progress remained stagnant. 

Logically, I know that I have just as many accomplishments as goals. But when confronted with multiple pages of work to be done and little to nothing on the list of accomplishments I felt rather defeated. And instead of coming into the new year refreshed, revived, and proud – I held back. I refrained from writing anything new simply because I did not have the energy to begin.

Therefore, rather than feeling defeated, I am embracing this teachable moment. I am releasing myself from those obligations. Yes, they were the dreams of a woman in the last year and some of them I will delight in achieving. But I am also allowed to release them to the universe. This choice frees me to move on to those things that are truly meant for me. I am setting myself free from the burden of accomplishing any more goals.

I may go back through the journals I have kept over the last year and highlight my accomplishments later. That process may lift my spirits and remind me of all that I have done in 2022. By the end of the year it’s easy to forget all I have done and experienced. Fortunately, keeping a daily journal and calendar helps me to keep track of these details. If you would like to join me in journaling daily – I write more about it here. Even without that reference point it is wonderful to feel as if I can still move forward with ease. 

I have done new things and challenged myself – I just don’t have a nice list organized. And I am done with carrying the load of that obligation forward. Instead, I will begin the new year with a fresh start and a clean slate. I will not burden myself with the work of a previous year. I will grant myself the grace and joy that only freedom from obligation can bring. This frees me to celebrate where I am and all that I have done (whatever that is). It brings me forward into a new day with joy, patience, forgiveness and grace. What a beautiful gift of a new day, in a new year, with nothing holding me back!

Do you journal or track your progress throughout the year? What tools do you use and do you find them truly helpful? What writing revolutions will you start this year?

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Christmas Reflections

In preparing for Christmas and this New Year – I have been so focused on where I want to be, my goals and aspirations, that I haven’t appreciated that where I am is pretty amazing. This time of year always inspires Christmas reflections and gratitude. Everything I have this year was once a dream, everything from writing this note, to where I am physically. I feel a debt of gratitude and recognition of what we have been able to build in the last twelve months. We have accomplished a lot this year. But before rushing to list those things I want to be present. Being here in whatever this suspended time of the year is for all of us.

The time and space after the build up to Christmas, the lull, and almost comatose vegging out of the week between Christmas and New Years. There is no need to purchase anything, we are dining on left-overs. We are hungover from all of the traditional social interactions and family gossip. Thinking about the year to come or not thinking at all. Watching too many Hallmark movies and just being still. What an absolute gift to ourselves. It is a joy to be able to rest and to feel no obligation to instruct, guide, or lead. We are simply present and maybe only vaguely aware – the days blend together and all of it melds peacefully into one restive blob. 

This year I am grateful for our first year in our new home, I’m grateful for health, and I’m grateful for rest. I’m grateful that my family is here around me. I’m grateful we have each other and that we are able to celebrate the holidays together. Grateful for quiet afternoons, naps, and ease. I am grateful to myself for taking this time and not pressuring myself to be productive. 

I am so grateful for relaxing family nights and the joy of sharing a family meal. I am glad for what we have and what we share. Every night this week we have prepared a meal from scratch. Some meals are more ornate and involved than others. But most are simple family recipes that are our own traditions. “Oh Christmas Bahn Mi,” and Grandma’s Chicken Parmesan.

These are delicious and filling meals that not only satisfy our need for dinner but will also make enough to freeze. This is a gift we give ourselves. Before we are in that zone of too much presents, food, and dessert we cook. That way when all we are seeking is a Christmas carrot – there will still be food prepared that requires no effort. We simply warm it up and we are nourished and satisfied. What a gift this time is to rest, relax and deeply nourish ourselves and our families. 

We often spoil each other with gifts and treats. When really, the gift we all want is to watch an old movie, to rest and relax together. We want to be our honest and unguarded selves. Our only goal is to luxuriate in the slower pace and feel no obligation to rush, attend to, or show up for anyone or anything else. Just to simply be peaceful, easy, and home. 

And maybe that’s what I’m writing about after all. These Christmas reflections are about finding home where ever we are and with whomever we choose. The creation of safety, peace, and security. The gift of protection, honesty, new traditions and old melding into the creation of home. We are grateful for building a life and space where everyone is loved and accepted exactly as they are and loved.

We are all so deeply loved and I don’t know what to call it. This may not even have a name but it feels safe, cozy, hygge, health, love, warmth, ease, peace, and tenderness. Whatever the German word for this is, I feel it deep in my soul. I am content and I am happy. This is all I’ve been looking for all my life, and here I have it. More than anything I hope you do too. Here in this virtual living room I hope you feel it. You are all so welcome here, I love you, I’m glad you came, let’s watch another movie.

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Emotional Guideposts

In difficult situations I sometimes find myself experiencing deja vu. It is as if the universe brings an old lesson to me to see if I am paying attention. It seems like there are lessons that I am learning again and again and the universe is just checking to see how far I’ve come on it. It’s not easy to recognize our patterns but as we age we can sometimes see the themes repeating themselves. Each time we have the opportunity to change the ending ever so slightly for the better.

You might notice this too – how situations in our lives repeat themselves. I’ve heard it said that even in relationships that fall apart, oftentimes we rush back to that same point with a new partner. We’re with someone new and yet having those same conflicts all over again. This happens in all our lives. Our job is to learn from those situations so that we may move forward. Instead of repeating the same cycle again and again.

This can be easier said than done. To help myself I’ve started using my emotions as guideposts. I do this by feeling my emotions while also being attentive to what they’re telling me. Especially really strong emotions like anger, fear, or any derivative of those two. When I feel these super strong emotions they are indicators that my boundaries have not been respected, or that I feel particularly unsafe or insecure. The emotional guideposts are messages and our job is to pay attention and figure out what it is they are telling us. Our emotions are there for a reason.

Recently a familiar lesson has come around again for me. It is frustration at a perceived lack of control – my inclination is always to take over and be in charge. Pick me and I can do it, oldest child reporting for duty. But instead of having the power to fix the situation I find myself confronted with obstacles. There are obstinate conflicts and other people in the way. In fact, they are the owners of the situation and my role is to step back and let them. 

It’s a tricky lesson to learn. As many of you already know, letting people manage their own situations is a challenge. It’s easy to get drawn in – but the lesson is that this is not my situation to fix. I am only here to do my work, not anyone else’s. Period.

This realization usually comes after a lot of emotional investment or self-righteous anger – both signals that we want to recognize. This time I noticed my emotional guideposts. What’s even better was when I recognized the situation I knew what to do, I needed to step back and realign. Oprah says she recognizes these situations by saying, “I see you God!” And I think that perspective is so refreshing. That’s the message – these situations and our emotional guideposts are not here for us to stumble. They are here to help us on our path. If we are overly invested and involved in everyone else’s drama, problems, or challenges we are certainly NOT focused on our own journeys. 

There’s a Polish proverb, “Not my circus, not my monkeys.” Whenever I feel the temptation to involve myself in a project or situation that is not mine I remind myself to step back. The phrase makes me laugh and helps me to clearly define my role. I’m not here to manage the world. I am only here to manage myself and learn all that I can about myself and what it means to be me.

How do you remind yourself to stay in your own lane? What lessons do you find the universe bringing into your life over and over again? How have you changed your own patterns for the better?

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Serenity this Holiday Season

In the holiday rush and excitement it seems there is always one more thing to do. Another quick stop at the grocery store, one more gift, and one last batch of cookies. We are in the midst of the season and I am finding myself wanting to slow down. There’s this anticipation for the holidays that I don’t think we ever outgrow, this desire to celebrate, gather, and unite. But even in the midst of carols, cheer, and cards – I am finding myself longing for simplicity. I have high hopes for serenity this holiday season.

It seems every moment of this time of year is allocated to more than one thing. Watching White Christmas while wrapping presents, and sipping a fine scotch is a tradition that one of our couple friends enjoy. It’s lovely and it’s all of the things at one time. I like to make cookies, listen to carols, and let the kiddos help. This increases the challenge of any undertaking. But last night was a low key night – pizza and a roaring fire. We all cuddled up and colored in coloring books.

Each of us had our own design and we shared colored pencils. The tree was aglow, there were carols on in the kitchen, we did not plan this. It was a serendipitous moment in time but we were all present and engaged. I’d be lying if I did not admit there was some bickering over who got the red next. But overwhelmingly it was lovely. 

And that magic is what I’m after. My hopes for serenity are answered in the surprise of a quiet family evening at home. The delight of being together and having one another close. It was a seasonal moment because without the cold there would be no fire or decorated tree without Christmas coming – but they were all there, we were all home. We were not rushing toward some accomplishment, a lesson, duty, or obligation. We are all present and celebrating the season in our own small way. It didn’t cost us anything and the moment was lovely, it was sweet, serene, and holy. And I am going to savor that moment for a long time.

It was so good, I completely forgot to take a picture –  but I’m writing about it here so we don’t forget that when looking for a pause and a break from the carousel that is the holiday season, one brunch and party after another it can be such a gift to sit still on the bench and just watch the show together. What a gift that we are not alone, that we have one another, and that we do not need to perform our joy or show off our happiness. We could just enjoy the company of our family, talk and compliment one another’s creativity, and be together in this moment in time. That is a gift for which I am truly grateful.

Do you have hopes for serenity this season? What makes the holidays special for you? Are there any quiet traditions you love or that you’re hoping to start this year? If you’re looking for ideas there’s a list posted here.

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Hopes for Serenity this Holiday Season

In the holiday rush and excitement it seems there is always one more thing to do. Another quick stop at the grocery store, one more gift, and one last batch of cookies. We are in the midst of the season and as we all prepare to grab one more cinnamon roll or batch of eggs I am finding myself wanting to slow down. There’s this anticipation for the holidays that I don’t think we ever outgrow, this desire to celebrate, gather, and unite. But even in the midst of carols, cheer, and cards – I am finding myself longing for simplicity. I have high hopes for serenity this holiday season.

It seems every moment of this time of year is allocated to more than one thing. Watching White Christmas while wrapping presents, and sipping a fine scotch is a tradition that one of our couple friends enjoy. And it’s lovely and it’s all of the things at one time. I like to make cookies, listen to carols, and let the kiddos help. This increases the challenge of any undertaking. But last night was a low key night – pizza and a roaring fire. We all cuddled up in front of the fire and colored in coloring books.

Each of us had our own design and we shared colored pencils. The tree was aglow, there were carols on in the kitchen, we did not plan this. It was a serendipitous moment in time but we were all present and engaged. I’d be lying if I did not admit there was some bickering over who got the red next. But overwhelmingly it was lovely. 

And that magic is what I’m after. My hopes for serenity are answered in the surprise of a quiet family evening at home. The delight of being together and having one another close. It was a seasonal moment because without the cold there would be no fire or decorated tree without Christmas coming – but they were all there, we were all home. We were not rushing toward some accomplishment, a lesson, duty, or obligation. We are all present and celebrating the season in our own small way. It didn’t cost us anything and the moment was lovely, it was sweet, serene, and holy. And I am going to savor that moment for a long time. 

It was so good, I completely forgot to take a picture –  but I’m writing about it here so we don’t forget that when looking for a pause and a break from the carousel that is the holiday season, one brunch and party after another it can be such a gift to sit still on the bench and just watch the show together. What a gift that we are not alone, that we have one another, and that we do not need to perform our joy or show off our happiness. We could just enjoy the company of our family, talk and compliment one another’s creativity, and be together in this moment in time. That is a gift for which I am truly grateful.

Do you have hopes for serenity this season? What makes the holidays special for you? Are there any quiet traditions you love or that you’re hoping to start this year? If you’re looking for ideas there’s a list posted here.

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Preparing for a New Year

As I prepare for the closing of one year and the opening of another I like to collect my journals. Each morning I write three pages of whatever comes to mind.* Sometimes it’s short stories, or a letter, or just complaining about whatever has me in a funk that morning. Some days it’s all about the weather or good news. It depends on the day. But often littered inside all of this writing there are gems – lists, to do items, goals. Dreams I have that I haven’t examined more deeply. These ideas may be used to write your resolutions.

Now at the end of the year, I am reviewing my journal entries and looking for goals and ideas. Sparks that I have had in the last twelve months that I either wish to make progress on or would like to add to my plans for 2023. I also do a word-web and find what is most inspiring or rising to the top of my list but we’ll talk about that in another post. What is most important is the focus on what I’ve already put on paper. I am highlighting and documenting these items on a list – if they were important enough to write down once, they’re important enough to write down again. 

My strategy is to combine all of these ideas into a list and then separate that list by topic – I like my resolutions to fit into several areas of wellness:

Spirituality

Physical Health + Fitness

Mental Wellbeing

Social circles – Family + Friends

Community + Charitable Works

Career

Financial 

Looking at my goals and where they fall in this list it shows me where I’m focusing my energies. And perhaps where I need more growth in the coming year. If my list is long and heavy in career but I only have “take more walks,” in my physical fitness area, I know that fitness needs a little more focus. Of course, these will never all be equal, there are some areas that are harder and some years where we’re just not ready to tackle a big project – like spirituality. These areas all require work and attention in order for us to live balanced lives. The goal here though is not to look at these as tasks or errands. If anything they are guide posts.

Will I achieve everything on my list in 2023? Absolutely not! I didn’t finish this work in 2022 and chances are I won’t get to finish everything on my list this year either. However, it does give me a place to start. It gives me an opportunity to see where my interest and focus has been in 2022 and to show myself some gratitude because littered in among the dreams for the future are also my accomplishments. Seeing my accomplishments highlighted (in a different color) feels pretty great. It’s incredibly empowering to look over a year of writing and see how much I’ve grown, to look back at happy times or see how I worked through challenges and obstacles. 

However you choose to organize your resolutions or plans for the coming year, I hope you take some time to yourself to take stock of how far you’ve come. I know I am always proud and impressed by the work I have done in a single year. The next year will bring its own challenges and opportunities. I hope we all come to it honestly and authentically, aware of who we are and what we are working towards. When we know what we want we can align our steps and plans to achieve it. 

This tool is just one of the ways I clear space and organize my strategy for the coming year. It’s time consuming but also a labor of love. A gift I give to myself as the year winds down. A little space and time to reminisce and reflect on who I have been. Which gives me better insight into who I hope to become in the next year. 

May your New Year’s be peaceful and serene. May your resolutions scare you just enough to inspire you to work hard. I wish you balance, light, and love in every day of this New Year! I look forward to seeing more of you in 2023. – M

*Morning Pages is a concept created by Julia Cameron. If you want to learn more I highly recommend her book, “The Artist’s Way.”

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How Does Happiness Feel to You?

Let’s share a meditation today. Simply copy down the headers and write your own responses. I’ve included my answers for inspiration. I’m excited for you to use this tool to bring you into the present moment and more in touch with yourself. The goal is figure out how happiness feels to you so you can add more of it to your daily life.

Look

To me, happiness looks like a luxuriously appointed room, with panoramic views of trees, wildlife, and gardens. They could be oceans, lakes or mountains but the glory of wide open spaces is mine to enjoy. I have time and freedom to savor it. To me, happiness looks like I have space to myself, peace, and the promise of adventure.

Feel 

Happiness feels soft like throw pillows, cozy fireplaces, and hot tea. It feels serene and gentle, like my dog at my feet. It feels expansive and as if I do not need to strive but I may settle, be at ease and rest.

Taste

It tastes like hot chocolate and delicious meals that feed, fuel, nourish and surprise me. Rich flavors that feed my soul and my heart’s longing for fulfillment and adventure.

Smell

Happiness smells like a new book and typewriter tape. It smells like ink, sea salt, and sunset. The lush abundance of freshly mown grass and ripe summer peaches. It smells wholesome and rich, tender and calm.

Sound

It sounds like a fireplace crackling. Happiness sounds like woodland walks on secluded paths. To me it is symphony music and the effervescent bubbles of champagne. 

That is what happiness feels like for me. And reading it over, most of it includes activities I share with my dog. So maybe, for me, happiness is life with my trusty pup. How lucky are we to live in a world with dogs?

Did you try the exercise? How does happiness feel for you? 

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Cold Hands Warm Heart

Tips for Making Every Day Routines Sacred

When I was little my aunt used to tell us, “Cold hands warm heart,” whenever we put our icy hands in hers. She would come in from outside, we knew we were getting gentle and cold fingers on our necks and big hugs. It was such a part of our winter routine that now I say the same thing to my kiddos, “cold hands warm heart,” and bury them in my arms. It is a ritual and a memory, a simple way to make common occurrences sacred. 

This winter I am striving to create more meaning in my daily practices. My showers, skin-care routine, the way I go to sleep and the way I wake up. These are daily events that I often rush through. Time lost in the past or in the future – Did I put the clothes in the dryer? I need to pick up milk. The saddest part is that this happens every day. By focusing on our anxieties or worries we loose opportunities to create nourishing rituals.

Tips to make small moments brighter.

I purchased a small box of mindfulness cards that I open each morning to give me a mantra, intention, or reflection that I can use to intentionally begin my day. Adding sweet smelling soaps and lotions to my showers and skincare routines. They add delight to the experience and remind me to slow down. Cookies! After my meditations I am savoring chocolate shortbread cookies with strawberry icing. These sweet treats being a little taste of summer into my chilly winter afternoons.

None of these shifts is monumental or expensive. Yet they are excellent tools for making my everyday routines sacred. I am feeling hot water raining down on my skin, smelling coconut and remembering summer, beaches, and fun. The biggest revelation is the practice of staying in the moment. I am not just going through the motions. Beginning my day engaged and delighting shifts my perspective and improves my mood.

The simple act of enhancing my daily practices makes my life richer. It is wonderful to be able to brighten my own day and surprise myself. It is the little things that make life nice and remind us of the many joys of being alive. We don’t always have to remodel the kitchen or take off on vacation to feel special. Sometimes all it takes is a cozy reminder – cold hands warm heart, have a hug, we’re so loved. 

What little gifts can you give to yourself that would make life more lovely? How do you make your daily routines special? What scents bring joy to your heart or what loving sayings did you grow up with in your home?

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Open Heartedness

Letting energy flow through you.

“If your heart is open it can’t be broken.” This statement was given to me by a stranger in passing. This mantra marks a lovely moment of synchronicity in my life. When the student is ready, the teacher appears. I didn’t know this person and after this moment I have never seen or heard from her again. And yet her gentle teaching has stayed with me for years.

Today I was reminded of this lesson as I did a grounding meditation. The purpose of the meditation is to bring life back into focus so we’re not scrambling after every small offense or ruminating on any particular situation too long. Overthinking be gone!

As I did the breath exercises I remembered that part of this lesson has to do with our desire to hold on to our emotions, anger, frustrations, or even joy. We can’t hold onto these things unless we wish for them to go toxic. Much like grains of sand, the tighter we squeeze the faster they slip through our fingers. Therefore, as I did this exercise I released. I let go of trying to control or understand. This released the desire to manage the outcome and by doing so I am no longer ruminating. I am free to enjoy my day, free to savor the present moment, and write freely.

And that’s the word that stands out – free. When we let love, energy, emotion, etc. pass through us, as welcome visitors, we get to enjoy them in the moment. When we attempt to hold on too long we are left clinging to a shadow of that experience. Letting things flow through our lives frees us to embrace the transitory nature of life. Therefore when we are having fun or experience joy, we savor it. Just as when we suffer it too will not last. Remembering the temporary nature of life is frees us to enjoy the good and endure the bad. With open hearts we accept the love poured into us and remain open when love leaves for whatever comes next. 

Trusting ourselves and the universe begins by listening to our own inner voices. When we trust that more will come, we do not need to hang on for dear life. Our open heart knows there will be more joy, more laughter, more friendship. We do not need to cling to what we have and we do not need to own it. There is nothing that we own in life – least of all our emotional state or those we love. Without ownership there is no responsibility to manage or control.

Therefore it is with an open heart I wish you a beautiful day full of love, ease, comfort, laughter, and faith. My hope is that you try allowing everything to flow through you rather than into you. Ride the waves rather than being worn away slowly like a rock. Even the thought is liberating. Those mountains you are carrying you were only meant to climb. Let’s stop carrying undue burdens and weighing ourselves down with obstacles. Let us instead choose to free ourselves and let the universe take care of the rest. As they say in yoga class – Namaste. 

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Pouring from an Empty Cup

When life feels hectic and as if the momentum to move forward is not surging as we would like. Or if at times it feels as if I am rushing while the world itself seems to be in slow motion. It reminds me that caring for myself is necessary – and warranted. That is why I take the following five simple steps to taking better care of myself.

Five Simple Ways to take better care of yourself. Drink water – Dehydration is not only terrible for our skin and mood but it also can lead to ill health and lightheadedness. Taking time to be sure we’re drinking enough water and giving our bodies what they need is important.Focus internally – this can be done with meditation, yoga, or a few deep breaths. Whatever comes next will come, the only way we can meet challenges is by being and staying grounded in ourselves. Get active – take a walk or do some light stretching. Any movement will do but getting into our bodies is the best way to know what we need next.Rest – It may be a quick nap, a break from calls so you can focus on a single task at a time, or maybe a day off. Recovery is the only way to heal and be fully healthful. Taking a break for rest is necessary and important.Be gentle – Whether we are dealing with someone else or ourselves, being kind and gentle makes us strong. We want to be the kindest person in the room – not the loudest. Therefore let that kindness begin at home and in your own head and heart.

What steps do you take to take better care of yourself? What gifts of love do you give yourself when you feel as if you’re wearing thin?

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