M.K. Sheehan's Blog, page 3

Fall Contentment and Cookery

As the leaves begin to turn and the air takes on a bittersweet tinge of coolness I find myself called to comfort, hygge, reflection, and gratitude. Instead of rushing towards whatever comes next or pursuing or manifesting, or doing any of the things that are future based, this time of year brings me uniquely to where I am now. A Nancy Myers, Norah Ephron, dreamscape comes to mind. I am not interested in pursuing something else. Focused on contentment – I appreciate all I have and my gratitude to be here in this moment.

I recently read “The Monkey’s Paw,” a haunting short story by W.W. Wells. A friend mentioned it in conversation as required high school reading – not in my high school! So I promptly requested the book from the library. The book found its way into my hands just in time for the haunting pre-Halloween season. I read the short story with relish and it’s message rings true – to be grateful and happy for all we have rather than pushing for even more. 

To be clear, this is NOT an excuse to stay in a crummy job or unhealthy relationship. I am only suggesting that sometimes we forget the greatness of the moment by always looking to the future. My in-laws recently delivered an abundance of late season tomatoes to my doorstep. When I say abundance, think bankers box full of romas! I spent an entire day in the kitchen, roasting tomatoes and drying herbs, baking zucchini bread and generally preparing for the months ahead. 

In fall I love to bake and cook. I made tomato soup from scratch, Swedish meatballs, and merengues. When one recipe calls for an egg yolk, it is only appropriate to use the other half of the egg for cookies. I wear my great grandmother’s apron and invite my children into the kitchen to help. We listen to music and dance in the kitchen. The taste of a good batch of soup, the gratitude I feel that my partner does the dishes while I wipe down the counters is magic. 

This ritual is as healing as it is healthful. I get to be cozy in my kitchen, preparing meals that nourish and satisfy our family’s needs. The easier the better! When the meal is complete and we only need heat it up I feel as if I have given a true gift to my future self. 

Therefore as we welcome the new season and begin the process of creating hygge in our homes, hunkering down for the long winter months. I am celebrating the harvest and delighting in the abundance of our garden. Filling our freezer with delicious homemade meals that will make us feel rich, happy, and well fed. I prepare recipes that remind me of my own childhood. Those traditions ground me. This season will bring everything I need and more. I am not looking for anything additional – I am simply savoring all that I have. I do not need any wishes or a magical talisman, I have everything I need right here. And if you were to look around, I suspect you do too! 

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Remember to Ask for Help

In a crisis, I usually handle things. I’m an expert at putting off the emotional part of a situation in order to make quick, decisive choices. I do well in this role but it is not sustainable. Making difficult decisions with authority is a skill I have honed throughout my life. However, that which makes me a quick first call also works in reverse when the trauma is my own.

When my brother passed away unexpectedly in our late twenties I was devastated and shut down. I took a month off of work, posted a note to facebook with information regarding his services and I handed my phone to my partner. I couldn’t take in any more information, I was overwhelmed. It turns out those things were all important choices. Even in chaos, I managed to do what I needed most – remember to ask for help.

Go where you are safe

The best thing I did for myself was knowing that I needed support.  I went to my Grandmother’s house where I stayed… for a month. I needed family and I needed support. Surrounded by people I love and the nurturing that I needed most gave me space to recover. Reaching out to include others in my situation, opened the door to love and connection. This allowed others to be of service and to help – that is a gift.

Share what you can

I posted the information to social media. This communicated  all the relevant information to extended friends and family without my needing to be, “on,” or the resource for information. Simply click and follow, the tools were in everyone’s hands. They knew where I was going to be and had the opportunity to engage as much or as little as they wanted or were able.

Be present in the moment

I took in less and less information. Absorbing less allowed me to process what was happening in the present. I was in the moment and moving forward one step at a time. The loss was unbearable and yet I was fully present and engaged in the experience of living.

While I don’t wish trauma or pain on anyone else. I do know that we all have our burdens and challenges to face. When we face obstacles it is imperative to take care of ourselves by letting others support us and help us to carry our load. This allows us to share not only our pain but also, our joy. Being engaged with our community is what will sustain us in our darkest hours. Help others to help you by remembering these three simple steps to feeling supported and sustained – whatever your challenges may be. 

Remember to ask for help. If you are experiencing grief there are many tools out there, including professional help and guidance to help you process your loss.

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Do Less

The key to having more is wanting less. Consumed by progress and momentum, we often loose sight of the fact that where we are used to be a dream. Consider where you are right now and trust that you are exactly where you are needed. It is necessary for you to be here right now. Can you do less? Be less? Accept where you are and resist the temptation to ask for more.

As human beings we are forever growing and changing. As Americans we are forever consuming and capitalizing on opportunities. We live in a consumerist society. Our purchases are made from big name stores. Our homes reflect the images we see on HGTV. The best wisdom I have heard on this is from author Thrity Umrigar. She said, “By the time your kitchen is finished the style will be outdated. It only makes sense to only do what you like anyway.” 

How many times do we finally nail down a style only to find that it is no longer popular? The answer is not to stay ahead of fashions or buy more. The answer is simply to consume less. Style changes, taste is forever. We continue to emulate Coco Chanel’s style and she was just copying the nuns in the convent where she was raised. True elegance is finding your own style and sticking with it.

We do not need more stuff to be relevant or worthy. Focusing on lack gives us all a feeling of inadequacy. We fear that we have done so little and blame ourselves for not having achieved or accomplished more. What if instead of convincing ourselves that where we are is less than where we want to be we appreciate all the work that we did to get here? We worked hard to arrive in this place. It is not perfect and that is ok, but this moment is something special.

Oprah tells us that when we celebrate more we find more to celebrate. Take the time to celebrate yourself and all the you have done to reach this place. You don’t have to get anywhere else. You don’t have to achieve or purchase anything more. Don’t do one more thing today until you feel fully the pleasure of being here. Savor it. Enjoy it. Do less. There is nothing further that you need to do. This is enough. You are enough. Isn’t it wonderful?

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Taking Care

“Treating ourselves like precious objects makes us strong,” according to Julia Cameron. This has been a week of taking care of myself. It’s small things really. Little gifts that enhance the quality of life for the better. Buying myself flowers at the grocery store. I bought dahlia’s and floral cabbages from Canada and put them into an arrangement. I purchased the foods I like to eat – the delicious treats that I don’t often allow myself because I am purchasing something for someone else. Or buying what someone else likes instead of what pleases me. I’ve noticed somethings – first of all, I’m happier. I like my choices and it feels good to be taking care of myself first. The other bit I did not suspect or anticipate – everyone else in my house is happier too. 

I picked up sushi because it delights me. It’s a little pricey so we don’t have it all the time. However, because I got some for myself, I was also able to share some with my family. Everyone was in a better mood. I got to feel like a benevolent goddess for sharing and everyone else was pleased and surprised. Today, I made a caprese salad platter for lunch. I had enough to share and the entire family ended up eating it together. It wasn’t a super fancy indulgence, we had tomatoes, salami, and I picked up bread and a nice mozzarella. I tell you this because it wasn’t like I dropped $400 at the store on expensive treats. I just bought small things to compliment what we already had and it brought us all together.

Not one person these past few days has complained about the meal. No one has decided to “Make a sandwich.” Instead of eating dinner. Everyone is happier when I share some of the delectable delights that I had intended to enjoy on my own. This was not an intentional experiment. It wasn’t some grand idea or strategy. It was simply a desire to meet my own needs. A recognition that so many of us don’t know what we like because we are so focused on pleasing other people. We do this so often and so thoroughly that we don’t even know what we like. And that made me sad. It made we want to know more about myself and what brings me joy. And it turns out that when I take better care of me – I’m actually taking care of everyone else. 

It’s like that parenting adage that if you want to help your children, get yourself to therapy. The answer is not in healing them or fixing some outside issue. The answer to to heal yourself first. Meet your needs so that others don’t have to bear the burden of your lack. Give yourself an abundance of love and empathy so that when others come to you there is an abundance of love, support, and energy already filling you up. Only when you are full are you able to give. So if you need me I’ll be planning my own vacation and making more time to paint. The good of the world rests on my shoulders and I am not one to shirk responsibility. I hope you make some time to do some good and wonderful things for yourself too!

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Take a Break

When we are pushing against an obstacle – physical or mental – we feel as if we are either pushing through or failing to push through. If instead we look to our obstacle as a resting point. We lean against the boulder instead of insisting on pushing we see there are other options. Take a break and see what you observe.

Relaxing into resistance frees you to see the full picture. In anger our attention is focused and limited When we feel threatened we are in fight, flight, or freeze mode. We operate on a very small data set, not seeing the full picture. We only see our escape routes, or the lack thereof. When we relax into our resistance – whatever it may be it allows us to see a fuller range of options. 

It is Sisyphus in Greek mythology that was doomed by the Gods to push the same boulder uphill again and again. Each day pushing forward on the same rock on the same hill, only to see the boulder fall again to the bottom every time he got close to the top. He did not even have the pleasure of new hills where he could at least see progress. The meaning of our work is tied not only to its completion but to the feeling that we have contributed in some meaningful way. Even if the lesson is only through the example of our failure. 

As human beings we are inspired by purpose and the meaning of our contributions. When we fight our obstacles instead of learning from them we fail to contribute. Could it be time to take a break? Could we walk around the obstacle instead? There is something meaningful to be found within the things we resist. Resistance and obstacles exist to teach us something. It is our responsibility to figure out what.

Maybe our task is to forge a new path or look in a new direction. We cannot know until we relax against the obstacle and stop fighting it. Releasing anger or frustration frees us to see new  avenues and opportunities. The resistance is not the problem but rather our emotional reactions to resistance are the problem. When we focus on the frustration or anger we are missing the lesson. The key is not push harder it is instead to rest, look around. Observe what gift this situation trying to give you and how can you learn that lesson and move forward? 

Accept the lesson, free yourself from the stress of the situation, and embrace what comes next. We make the meaning in our own lives. Let us not waste energy resisting the lessons along the way. How can you relax into your resistance? Take a break. I wish you peace, joy, and the pleasure of giving up on anger.

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Stepping into Power

There is power in stepping into what you believe that you are worth. Staying small and focusing only on what we think is possible for us and in our lives serves no one. It’s a form of settling. This acceptance of less than we truly desire or rightfully believe we deserve is unnecessary. I don’t have an anecdote to share other than the feeling that every time I step into my power I immediately begin drawing to myself the attention and the people I truly want and need in my life.

It is as simple and as hard as arriving as exactly who you are. And it is going to cause some people to reject your ideas and what you stand for and that’s ok. Those people are not for you. Let them sort themselves out of your life as quickly as possible. Avoid the wishy-washy or the weak. You want the people who share your vision and who are able to build you up on your journey.

I remember the poem Masks by Shel Silverstein:

She had blue skin,

And so did he.

He kept it hid And so did she.

They searched for blue

Their whole life through,

Then passed right by-

And never knew. 

Do not wear a mask for the sake of fitting in. You were never meant to fit in. You are meant to stand out. Stand out proudly, bravely, beautifully and uniquely. Seek your people. Find your place. Do not settle for what is mediocre or what you feel like might be easier to manage. There is more for you in the world. Trust the universe and trust in yourself.

As Beyonce says, “If I’m going to bet on anyone, it’s going to be myself!” Bet on you. Choose you. And be you proudly. And have the satisfaction of knowing that the people around you are with you because they love and value you, not because you presented them with a vision of who they were or a costume to fit in. Be yourself. Go forth and Set the world on fire!

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Intentional Time Management

This afternoon I went grocery shopping. This statement alone really means nothing. But if I tell you it was a local farmstead and local open air market then you might appreciate that this was not a typical experience. First of all I went in the middle of the day. Second this is the sort of place that does not even take credit cards but only operates in cash and check. In 2023. And so when I begin to tell you of the delight I experienced in choosing my fruits – juicy and lush plums, bags of cherries before the season comes to a close, huge containers of blueberries and strawberries at prices that make me question why or how I could ever consider shopping somewhere else. And piles, absolute piles of fresh corn, potatoes, and made from scratch pastries that just set my heart on fire. 

Early fall and harvest time always bring me joy. And savoring the delights of summer by indulging in fresh produce is a guilty pleasure of mine. It’s why we order groceries in the first place. I get distracted by the bounty and abundance in the produce section. Typically coming home without the practical foods that we need to prepare for our daily meals. And really, while I know that is an inconvenience, I would still argue that this is not a flaw. 

I am passionate about fresh and delicious food but I often find myself ill equipped to provide it. So often we’re pushing ourselves to complete dinner so that we can eat and get to the next thing. Eating itself becomes a task on a list and not an opportunity to unwind, enjoy, and savor. This happens to us all when we feel like we have so much to do and so little time. 

Lately I have been reading about time management. How in striving to complete tasks quickly we rob ourselves of the opportunity to savor and enjoy the bounty that surrounds us. Our agendas rob us of experiencing the moment. And the way we make more time for ourselves and what we love is that we simply do them.

The rest of life – the email responses, the tidying up of kitchens, will either get done or not. But rushing through the pleasures of our life only makes more time for these rudimentary tasks that are themselves endless. Because no sooner will you send an email than you will get one back. Or no quicker do you wipe down the counter than someone spills a drink. 

When we choose to take our time doing the things we love our life unfolds at a more natural pace. It begins to feel as if we have more time. For me it’s a lazy stroll through the market where I buy more fruit than one family can possibly consume. These simple joys fill my basket and my heart. The time used to treat myself leads to even more time doing the things I love. Because now I get to make zucchini bread, and eat blueberry pancakes. These simple delights blossom from one lovely occasion to many more very quickly. And instead of rushing home to complete the mundane I now feel excited. Choosing to follow my own rhythm I find myself enjoying life and that feels like the point. 

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Aligning with Purpose

Today I release myself from obligations and expectations. Instead I hold space for myself here where I am right now. I am free to love myself, support myself, nurture and nourish myself exactly as I am. Exactly where I am now. A lot of time when I’m scrolling on social media I feel overwhelmed by a list of items I need, “to do,” that only seems to grow. It feels as if I am being sucked into a vortex of tasks I don’t wish to complete. Lacking bandwidth, I have no time to take on any task I might enjoy or hope to do for myself. And isn’t that always the way? The tasks for school or kids, family or dinner, those items get done first and the labors of love the work towards our hopes dreams and passions falls by the wayside as frivolous or unnecessary. 

And that’s truly the worst part of it all. We convince ourselves that the goals, passions, interests, and nourishing practices that we have are supplemental rather than necessary. We shame ourselves into not creating space for those things that truly bring us alive and align with our purpose. These simple generosities are not small and they are not superfluous – they are necessary and the most important work we do in life. 

We need beauty as well as bread. We are not born onto this planet to labor, pursue wealth or power or relevance, and then die leaving behind an empty or shallow void. We are here to blossom, grow, create, and love. We are here to help one another. There is no prize for being, “right.” And separating yourself from those who are struggling does not make you stronger. In fact it shows the rest of the world your weakness. Love and compassion are brave and bold pursuits – they are likely the only worthwhile accomplishments there are for us in life. 

We are not here to, “win.” In fact our lives may be worse off if we do succeed based on the shallow standards set for us by society. To rise to the highest and most hallowed halls of success is seemingly synonymous with self-abandonment. The sacrifice of our values and dreams in order to obtain power, wealth, or prestige. And those seem like lovely things don’t they? To have so much wealth we are safe, so much money we need not fear being unable to provide for our families. To have so much power no one could harm us. But when you break down these goals they are all based in fear. They are all based in scarcity. Who are we afraid of harming us? Who are we afraid will take our resources or safety? Wouldn’t it be far more effective to simply surround ourselves with trust, safety, and love? 

And even if we live in places that feel unsafe or insecure, for whatever reason, couldn’t we still offer love to ourselves? Couldn’t we begin by giving ourselves the pleasures and kindnesses we crave? The following quote is attributed to Mother Theresa of Calcutta. “If you want to change the world, go home and love your family.” Aren’t we our family? Doesn’t this mean that we also need to love and take care of ourselves? Once we feel secure and sustained then we can share ourselves wholly with others – unafraid of the harm, danger, fear, etc. because those things may happen. We may get hurt. To help a loved one may require a sacrifice on our part of time, energy, resources. 

The thing is though when we deeply nourish ourselves we are not coming from a position of scarcity or fear. We are coming full and deeply nourished. We bring ourselves as cups full enough to overflow. And when we are asked to assist or support someone else we are not pouring from empty reserves, we are giving from our abundance. We are giving from a wealth of energy, wellness, and kindness. We have chosen to serve ourselves to give ourselves all that we need to thrive. Because we have been so generous to ourselves, we have more than enough to share and give to others.

Doesn’t that then lift you up too? To know that you are not only helping yourself but your family, friends, the world by simply being kind to yourself. Take that which you need and want most. It is not frivolous. Instead recognize that giving to yourself is the best thing you can do. That silly fun adventure you’ve been putting off is exactly what you should be doing with your time, energy, resources. Love yourself and love the world by being kinder and giving yourself exactly what you want and need, more fun, more joy, more love.

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Follow Your Own Path

I recently caught up with a friend and got to talking about her child. He decided to switch schools his junior year because he found that the big name, big city school he had chosen and where he thrived – this kiddo is outgoing and chock full of personality. But he found he didn’t feel comfortable there.  So he transferred to a smaller school in a more rural area, closer to home. He has one year of school left and I am incredibly proud of him and the parenting it took to get him to this place. 

Oftentimes we stay in a role – a job, a school, a community – that doesn’t fit us. Not because we love it so much but out of fear for what comes next. We fear leaping in case the net might not appear. And so we stay in situations that are not optimal simply because we are comfortable. Or maybe we’re not comfortable but we know what to expect where we are. Whereas making a change will make the demand on us to learn something new. 

New is scary and overwhelmingly people don’t like change. As Freddy Allen once said, “Everyone wants something different but nobody wants to change.” It’s scary when we aren’t sure what comes next. When we’re considering a big or dramatic change in our lives it’s important to nurture ourselves. Give yourself space, time, kindness. Don’t power through or push ahead if where you are is not the right place. Give yourself the grace to listen to your intuition and only go where it leads.

Trust yourself. Lean into what makes you happy and see what happens. You don’t have to uproot your life, sometimes serendipity does the work for you. Let the universe do it’s work, accept the blessings that come your way and follow where the path leads. Trust your joy. When you’re laughing and having fun, maybe that’s your sign that you’re doing the best thing for you.

There doesn’t always have to be a job offer or a transactional benefit. Sometimes goodness just falls into your lap and you’ve got to be there to catch it. Let your light shine and be your most authentic self. Authenticity is how you draw the wonderful people you want in your life closer to you. Trust the universe, let it take the lead and guide to to where it wants you to go. It’s ok to be the passenger sometimes. When it’s time to move over to the driver’s seat, you’ll know. When the time comes you’ll be ready.

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Art Show

This weekend I participated in my second art show. This exhibition was a juried show with a tenured track record – they’ve hosted this event for nearly 40 years! I was so delighted to participate in the event and learn more about the community it serves. There were nearly 8,000 guests and attendees that made their way past my booth and many popped by to visit, say, hello, and make some purchases in the hot August sun. 

That’s another note – the days were sweltering. We had the tent but no electricity – so no fans or air conditioning. My deepest and sincerest gratitude goes to the amazing friends, family, and fans who made the trip out to the event! It absolutely filled my heart to see some littles who not only remembered and still loved my art – but also remembered me and their fresh sprigs of mint. I’ve taken to sharing sprigs of mint from my garden with the youngest attendees. When you’re shopping at an outdoor venue the day can be long and honestly who doesn’t like a little treat?

Kids and creatives are my favorite art show customers. Children know what they like, there is no effort to impress or appeal to someone else. When have you ever held a conversation with another adult about your third favorite dinosaur? It’s as if we grow up and forget what is truly relevant. Seeing the joy in my littlest fans fills me up. I love sitting down on the ground and connecting with kiddos and learning what they notice about the art they are viewing. I even keep hand sanitizer in the booth so that they can feel the artwork and enjoy the sensory experience of the piece as well as its visual appeal. 

Talking with kiddos about art brings me true joy. I also love pets! Meeting so many fluffy friends at the show was a pure delight. I met fluff-balls Teddy and Layla – who brought me to my knees as the song goes. Her owner proudly explained the song was the inspiration for her title. It was so comforting and delightful to have fuzzy company to break up the day. Next time I will bring a little doggy bowl with cool water for my furriest guests to enjoy. I am also thinking about suckers – because even the bank hands out treats. I may have to think about a cool way to tie the treat back to my art and keep it from melting or making curious hands too sticky! 

All that said, I learned a lot. I learned the simple joy of sitting out in hot weather with a good book. I appreciate fully the gift of guests to keep my spirits lifted. Displaying art publicly is a humbling and vulnerable experience. It is intimidating and who you have beside you makes a real difference. My plan is to make sure I continue to surround myself with people who lift me up and encourage me to blaze my own trail, stay true to myself, and believe in my own capabilities. That is a real gift – especially when in the heat of the day (96 degrees by my calculations – in Ohio for Lord’s sake!) traffic slows down and you’re left with only the parameters of being present and still, waiting for what is next to come. Sometimes a little distraction can be a real lifesaver.

Speaking of lifesavers I cannot thank my husband or cousin enough for popping in and out on both days, setting up the tent and carrying all of my supplies back and forth. It is an absolute dream to share this process and experiences with my family. To let my kids see me trying, failing or succeeding, I have taught them a valuable lesson about showing up. And my partner has taught them about showing up for those we care about. Our examples are molding the people they will become. Their examples are also molding us. My favorite being my son making fast friends. No sooner had I struck up a conversation with the child’s mother than they were laughing, running around, and playing tag together. It’s that easy to make a friend. I’m so glad to have the openhearted lovingness of children, as my guide to relate to others. 

I’m proud of me. Proud of my art. Proud of the art show and the strength and turpitude it took to get to this point. I am sticking with this craft and I am grateful to myself for staying the course. This is not an easy path but it is a joyful one. And as I consider textiles – fabric design, wallpaper, draperies, etc. I am eager and excited for what comes next on this creative journey. I am growing and learning more each and every day. And even when it’s hot and I am doing it for myself and I am proud of me. I did it! 

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