Exponent II's Blog, page 272

Exponent II Call for Submissions: Mormon Women and Food

The following essay is by Pandora.

We were two months married and it was a special night. My husband’s parents were coming to our place for the first time and I had cooked dinner. My cooking dinner was actually more momentous than the visit, I am rarely in charge of food, then or now. After a first date where my husband packed a picnic of perfectly seasoned pheasant and a second date where I burned shake ‘n bake chicken, we decided early that I would find other contributions to the relationship. But I was determined to share the one thing I could make and make spectacularly. I had spent most of the day preparing lasagna and my mother’s spaghetti sauce. It was in my blood, it was my blood, thick red, savory and delicious.

Our table was set elaborately with just washed wedding china. We seated his parents with a flourish, serving a large square of lasagna on each plate and then with much ceremony, placed the large bowl of spaghetti sauce in the center of the table. Then for one fateful moment, I turned, distracted by bread or salad, and my mother-in-law, in her typical no-fuss way, went to the refrigerator, pulled out a bottle of catsup, sat back down and poured a dollop on her lasagna.

I stared in speechless disbelief. A magic marker mustache on the Mona Lisa! A mud splatter on a white silk dress! A swear word in the chapel! This was sacrilege. Oh, why did I turn my head? How could such a thing happen on my watch? My husband, recognizing disaster, began speaking quickly to his mom for my benefit. “Mom, this isn’t like our lasagna. This is real Italian lasagna. You don’t need catsup. It has sauce.”

And the sauce was more than sauce. It was my mother’s sauce. It was the meal we yearned for, haunting the kitchen as it cooked all day, sneaking tastes, and getting chased away with a wooden spoon. Obligatory pasta floated in a sea of sauce, the ladle dipping over and over as kids spooned it up on its own or scooped it with bread. It was my mother’s masterwork, her best thing, her voice. She was a small town second generation girl dragged around the country by an ambitious husband. Her sauce was home. For her, for us. We praised her for it and she preened. Yes, it was the family recipe but she had perfected it. It was her family’s and hers, connected yet even better.

For my 16th birthday, she made me my own pot of sauce. When I came home from school it was on the stove with a bow on the lid. No one else could eat it, just me. I interviewed my mother and grandmother relentlessly for years on how to make it, but nothing was written down, it was intuition and what was on hand. I interrogated terms like a pinch, a sprinkle, “enough to make it taste good,” writing notes on yellow pads of paper, iterating the “measurements” each time I observed the mysterious process.

Over the years I gathered enough clues, practiced on my own, and finally it tasted close. And thanks to my husband’s talents, the lasagna was even better, with different cheeses and meat combinations. But the sauce was my mother’s, my family’s, mine.

And my mother-in-law added catsup.

Now we tease and laugh about this dinner. But I have not forgotten that feeling of shock. The realization that food is sometimes much more than food. It can be your whole identity compressed in a large bowl and a waiting ladle.

What does food mean to you – as Mormon, as a woman, as a spiritual being, as a physical being? The summer issue of Exponent II will feature the theme of food. Have you had meals that have taken on a different, more transcendent meaning? Is there a food that resonates so closely with an experience that the memory becomes merged? What food has become imbued with spiritual intent – bread and water, but also pomegranates or other food that can take on religious/mythical meaning within context? What is our relationship to our body and food? Adam and Eve partook of all the fruits with joy, but historically to deny oneself food is to be holy. In notions of self-control, does food become a carnal influence? And what is up with Mormons and food storage? Are we really going to eat all that wheat?

Please share essays between 700 and 2400 words. Please submit to exponentiieditor AT gmail DOT com. The deadline for submission is April 6, 2018.

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Published on March 07, 2018 05:47

IWD Series: The Nameless Ones: Snapshots of Women in the Book of Mormon

Guest post by Carolyn

Carolyn is a teacher in central Europe. She writes, travels, eats, messages her kids, and, despite warnings, reads while walking the dog.

Recently, I decided to read the Book of Mormon with a specific mission. I knew that Nephi was born of goodly parents, that Abinadi was brave and faithful, and that Ammon was an exemplary teacher and missionary. There are so many stories of great men in the Book of Mormon. What of the women?

Just six women are named in the Book of Mormon. We can read the stories of Sariah, Nephi’s mother; Abish, faithful servant to King Lamoni’s queen; and Isabel, the harlot. The other three women are from the Bible: Eve, Sarah, and Mary. My reading mission, however, led me to focus on snapshots of unnamed women: the sisters, mothers, daughters and wives whose lives are woven almost invisibly into a thousand years of history, prophecy, and doctrine.

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Studies of Women, Peter Paul Rubens (Flemish, 1577 – 1640) J. Paul Getty Museum

Early in the Book of Mormon, we meet Nephi’s mother, Sariah, and his mother-in-law, Ishmael’s wife. Sariah is mentioned several times, but we glimpse Ishmael’s wife in just a few verses. I had a lot of questions about her. Our snapshot shows that she left Jerusalem with her husband and family after Nephi and his brothers visited them and the Lord softened their hearts.

What? Why? How?

We know that Nephi and his brothers spoke to Ishmael. We have no record that angels were involved, or that anyone had a dream, or that anything else unusual happened. I am amazed by Ishmael’s wife’s willingness to leave Jerusalem, and a million questions come to mind. How did Ishmael tell her about this move? How did she respond? Perhaps at first she was hesitant since 1 Nephi 7 says that the Lord softened the hearts of the family. I had been impressed earlier by Sariah’s supportiveness of her husband. Lehi had visions. Ishmael did not, and yet his wife agreed and went with him.

I’d love to hear her story. What kind of relationship, love, and faith does it take to prompt someone to follow her husband into the desert? How did she decide what to pack? What did she consider when weighing the costs and benefits for her sons and daughters, not only herself? What did she tell her friends? As someone who has moved her children to a new country, I know that a mother has not only to adjust to changes herself, but she has to comfort and support children as they make the move too, dealing with unexpected challenges, and looking after others’ needs as well as her own. I moved to Hong Kong, a bustling city full of opportunity, and to a strong church ward. Ishmael’s wife left the city of Jerusalem to go into the desert without knowing where exactly, or what lay ahead. Did she load up provisions and maybe some special personal things onto a donkey? I wonder if the families were friends. I like to think that Sariah and Ishmael’s wife were or became good friends. Between them, they were either the wife, the mother, or the mother-in-law of almost everyone else in the group. They could have been very supportive of each other.

Questions for me: What would it take for me go into the unknown — not the unknown of Hong Kong, but the unknown of a vast desert? Would I give up everything for the certainty of hardship and isolation? Can a quiet spiritual witness be as powerful as a vision? How do I support women?

Her children didn’t all share her faith. On the way back to Lehi, Laman, Lemuel and four of Ishmael’s’ children and their families rebelled against Nephi, Sam, Ishmael, his wife, and their three other daughters. The rebels tied Nephi up and left him to be eaten by wild animals. After the Lord released him, his brothers came at him again. This time Ishmael’s wife, one son and one daughter pled with Nephi’s brothers ‘insomuch that they did soften their hearts’. The rebels not only stopped trying to kill Nephi, but they were sorry and asked for forgiveness. That’s quite a turnaround for these men.

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Abraham Bloemaert (Dutch, 1564 – 1651), Three Studies of Women (recto), Abraham Bloemaert (Dutch, 1564 – 1651), J. Paul Getty Museum

What did Ishmael’s wife and her two children say? How could they convince wild Laman and Lemuel not only to stop what they were doing, but to repent of it? I think that rather than use clever arguments, they relied on the Holy Ghost. Bullheaded Laman and Lemuel had often made trouble. I suspect that Ishmael’s wife and son and daughter were divinely guided, and that the Holy Ghost helped them to know what to say, and then He softened the brothers’ hearts. What else could cause such a change?

Questions for me: When the going gets tough, do I rely on the Holy Ghost or my own wisdom? Do I make peace? What strategies do I use to influence others? Can Heavenly Father count on me?

Just like Sariah, Ishmael’s wife watched her children fighting. How did she overcome this? We know that she ‘pled’ on Nephi’s behalf. The scriptures don’t say she screamed or made threats. She pled and caused the rebels’ hearts to be softened. Was this also how she interacted with her children?

In Chapter 26, Ishmael dies. His daughters turn on Nephi, and I guess that their mother is still alive because they don’t include her death in their list of grievances. If she was still alive at this point, how did she bear it? Far from extended family, living in the wilderness, losing the man she had followed from her home in Jerusalem into the wilderness? How did she cope with her daughters’ anger on top of her own grief?

Questions for me: When things seem insurmountable, what’s my go-to response? How could I develop my coping skills? Do I focus on myself in times of trouble, or am I able to take care of others? What kind of old person will I be? What will I look back on?

The death and much of the life of Ishmael’s wife are undocumented. One thing is certain: she was no spectator. She played an important role in the Book of Mormon, taking her family with her husband Ishmael to join Lehi and Sariah’s family. She was the ancestor of many people in the Americas. She helped saved Nephi’s life when others wanted to kill him. Just a few sentences were recorded about this in 1 Nephi 7, but the consequences were far-reaching.

Questions for me: Could I endure as Ishmael’s wife did? Do I realize that my tiny choices and acts, whether noticed or not, can have consequences that affect future generations? Can I quietly play my part in Heavenly Father’s plan? Does recognition matter?

The Book of Mormon is for ‘all nations, kindreds, tongues, and people’. While the book’s recorded events mostly feature men, we know that women are important in the story. We know that the prophecies and doctrines of the book are for everyone. In many instances, non-gendered words are used to describe the book’s people: children, seed, households, families. Although the term ‘men’ is used hundreds of times, in almost all instances, the word is intended to include women, too. When the book is referring specifically to men, such as when King Benjamin tells the men that their behavior is causing their wives to suffer, we can still ask, ‘How does this apply to me as a daughter of God? What can I learn here?’ The Book of Mormon is for women.

There are multiple ways to study women in the Book of Mormon. Consider its feminine metaphors: hens, harlots, wombs. Zion is always a ‘she’. We can study the six women who are named. We can also focus on snapshots of women who are mentioned briefly: the mothers of the stripling warriors, the women kidnapped by King Noah, the Nephite daughters sent to plead with the Lamanites, the women King Benjamin said had suffered because of their husbands, the women in the crowd when the Savior blessed their children. There are so many!

When the only concrete evidence of someone’s life is one or two sentences, we hold in our hands a single snapshot of a life. We could easily reduce these women to the one thing we know about them, as if that were the beginning and end of who they were. When we question the complexities and details of their lives, it helps us to understand not only these women, but also ourselves. We can never know for sure their reasons, their joys and disappointments, or a million other aspects of their lives. We don’t know all the facts, but the questions we ask, about them and about ourselves, can be just as instructive.

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Published on March 06, 2018 01:00

IWD Series 2018: Trans Women of Mormonism

This International Women’s Day, I would like to introduce you all to a few Mormon and former Mormon trans women and non-binary people and their contributions. Too often in our Church we fail to recognize the trans and non-binary children of God in the pews with us.

Allison Bianchi[image error]

Allison Bianchi is the ultra-rare only-child in an old Utah Mormon family. She was raised in Orem, Utah and served in the Philippines Bacolod mission from 2001-2003. In 2004 she was married in the Manti temple. She and her ex-wife have three children together.

Allison came out as trans in 2015 and began navigating gender transition and re-evaluating Mormonism after an extended faith crisis. She is currently an “emeritus Mormon” and enjoys exploring (non-literal) spiritual beliefs and practices from many sources in an effort to keep the baby while draining the bathwater.

Allison develops animation software at Pixar Animation Studios and lives near Oakland, California. She is active in local anti-racist and queer activism and loves camping, cooking, and reading books about history and mysticism.

Linda S. Gifford[image error]

Linda is number five of nine children born to Oscar and Opal Gifford. At an early age she recognized the importance of an education and was the first to obtain a college degree. She has a degree in Civil Engineering with a minor in Spanish and an MBA. She has been married for the last 45 years to Yolanda Gifford who is from Argentina. A divorce is currently pending. Together they have 3 children – Oscar, Erica and Jose. Linda’s career took her to the Air Force where she served for 38 years as both an enlisted, officer and lastly as a civilian. She spent twenty years overseas first in Argentina as a missionary and later in South Korea, Italy and Panama with the Air Force. Although it was an issue for her entire life, Linda didn’t come out as a transwoman until September of 2017, just prior to her 69th birthday. Although her wife was aware of her condition the entire marriage, coming out full time resulted in Yolanda asking for a divorce. Two of her three children are not currently speaking to her. Most of her family is opposed as well. But Linda is a strong woman and is comfortable and happier as a woman. Her goal for later life is to be a support for the LGBT community in helping others dealing with this difficult part of their lives. She is very involved in Affirmation (a worldwide organization supporting LDS LGBTQIA) as well as SAGA (Southern Arizona Gender Alliance). Linda has always been and continues to be an active member of the LDS (Mormon) church. Linda is learning to play the piano, likes chess and other strategy and logic games, enjoys traveling and loves to be around people. Linda is fluent in Spanish and is conversational in Italian.

Laurie Lee Hall[image error]

Laurie Lee Hall was raised in New England and was trained in architecture at Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute in upstate New York. A practicing architect for over thirty years in New York and Utah, her career has included managing worldwide design and construction programs and many of the largest projects of the LDS Church. Today she is in private practice in Salt Lake City, UT.

Ms. Hall also served the LDS Church in several prominent leadership capacities ecclesiastically, but in 2017 was excommunicated from the church.

She is a member of the Board of Directors of Affirmation LGBT Mormons, Families & Friends, an administrator of the TransActiveLDS Facebook Support Group, and founder of the Families and Gender Variance Project

As a transgender woman, she has powerful life experience with family communication, stages of grieving and mindfulness. She has worked within her own family and with many other transgender youth and adults to navigate the challenges and triumphs of living authentically. This passion has developed into the BECOMING program at Encircle House in Provo, UT, for gender variant youth and their families.

Laurie’s focus is to help families remain viable and successful, to foster dialog, listening, and respect. She has blogged and written extensively on the subjects of gender variance and marriage and the intersection of gender and faith traditions.

She is the parent of five children and 12 grandchildren.

Links to things mentioned in the above bios:

Affirmation

SAGA (Southern Arizona Gender Alliance)

BECOMING at Encircle House

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Published on March 05, 2018 07:39

IWD Series 2018: A Sermon for International Women’s Day

This is a re-post from the Exponent archives. It was originally published on 5th May 2014, and you can see the previous post here.

Several months ago I was asked to give a talk in my ward’s Sacrament Meeting in celebration of International Women’s Day. The following is the text of that talk.

[image error]Introduction

Several years ago I was at a park with my children. There was nothing particularly interesting about this park except for two older boys at one corner play-fighting. I don’t like my children to watch or engage in violent behavior so I tried to keep their attention on the other side of the park. But we kept hearing their taunts: ” I have the power.” “Ha Ha, I just took your power.” “You can’t take it because I’m invincible.” “I have your power, I have your power.” “No. I have THE POWER.”

Sylvia became more and more distracted by their exchange and before I could stop her, she marched over to the two boys. She stared at them intently and then proclaimed, “Now I have the Power.” She snatched at the air in front of their faces as if, in this one single gesture, all of their power and the power of the universe would instantly transfer to her. The look on the boys’ faces was priceless because, at least momentarily, three-year old Sylvie had taken the power.

I was shocked–where did this assuredness and sense of entitlement to a theoretical power come from? We tend to be uncomfortable with women claiming power but as far as I can tell there is no doctrinal justification for this, in fact, just to the contrary. So after the shock, I was delighted and so proud that this spirited little girl is my daughter. Sylvia was and is in that beautiful time before the forces of the world try to convince her that she is smaller than she actually is. Right now she has absolute confidence in her place in the world. Since this experience I have often wondered how I can help Sylvie retain this confidence, or at least prolong it. The results of those musings are the genesis for this talk.

There is a good deal of sociological research that finds that you cannot be what you do not see. One interesting example: in study of film, generally, there are roughly three male characters for every one speaking, female character. Crowd and group scenes, whether live-action or animated contain only 17 percent female characters. And this ratio of male to female characters has been exactly the same since 1946. What is even more fascinating is that that the percentage of women in leadership positions in many areas of society — Congress, law partners, Fortune 500 board members, military officers, tenured professors and many more — stall out at around 17 percent. Could it be because that’s the ratio that has been represented to us as the norm? How are women to push beyond these current, unequal confines if a truly representative model does not exist?

Sylvia’s, as well as my favorite stories all have women in them. This is completely natural, it is human to try and find ourselves in the stories we hear and tell. Unfortunately, even at church, it can be more difficult for women to see our reflection. That is why women’s stories are so powerful–they show all of us things that we may not see otherwise.

Several years ago, the church published “Daughters in My Kingdom” which recounted the history of the Relief Society. President Julie Beck said at the time that the stories of our foremothers would give us strength and show us how powerful the women of the church truly are, and I couldn’t agree more. We are powerful, but we have often been painted as less so by people both in and out of the church.

The New York Times has recently taken an interest in Mormon women. Indeed, a story about some of our dear sister missionaries was above the fold on the front page of a Sunday edition. As Joanna Brooks wrote, “We were not a footnote. Those are our faces in the photographs. Those are our voices shaping the storyline. In the paper of record in this country, Mormon women were portrayed as the ambitious, intelligent, hard-working, resilient, and dedicated human beings that we are.” Our stories are powerful…And we need more of them!

Ursula LeGuin once said “when we women offer our experience as our truth, as human truth, all the maps change. There are new mountains.” I want Sylvia to have different maps than the ones I grew up with. I want her to know that there are powerful women in her own tradition. Women who are smart, faithful, hard-working, kind, who listen to the spirit, receive revelation, and use the gifts of the spirit that they are entitled to as children of God.

I will spend the rest of my time telling the stories of four of these Mormon women who have created mountains on the maps we Latter-day Saints have been given.

I. Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

I was a history major at BYU and one of my idols was a historian by the name of Laurel Thatcher Ulrich. For those of you who don’t know that name, Ulrich is a faithful Latter-day Saint and mother of 5 children. She is also professor of history at Harvard and a Pulitzer Prize winning author. Perhaps you have heard the quote, “Well behaved women seldom make history.”? That is Laurel Thatcher Ulrich.

Sister Ulrich was born in the church and grew up in Idaho. She married at a relatively young age with no intention of becoming an award-winning historian. As her family moved around the country for her husband’s academic job, Sister Ulrich began taking classes and eventually earned her Ph.D. She has written extensively about women in early America and stood up against powerful men who have tried to diminish the capability of modern women. She is also one of the founding mothers of the Exponent II magazine and an important champion for the stories of Mormon women

Laurel Thatcher Ulrich has provided a model to me of how to balance our love for the gospel with very real concerns for gender equality. Using her own experience, she has encouraged those of us who are blessed with a certain amount of feminist angst to not ignore our concerns but to also polish the prescious truths of the gospel in our hearts. At a time in my life when I didn’t know if I could make it work, knowing her story became a mountain on which I could once again commune with God.

II. Emmeline B. Wells

Emmeline B. Wells joined the church during the Nauvoo Era. She once wrote powerfully of her experience with divine revelation upon the occasion of her arriving in the city and meeting Joseph Smith. She says, “The one thought that filled my soul was, I have seen the Prophet of God, he has taken me by the hand, and this testimony has never left me in all the “perils by the way.” It is as vivid today as ever it was…”

Emmeline left Nauvoo to go west with the Saints. When she arrived in Salt Lake, she began furthering the cause of women. She once said, “I believe in women. I desire to do all in my power to help elevate the condition of my people, especially women…to do those things that would advance women in moral and spiritual, as well as educational work and tend to the rolling on of the work of God upon the earth. “ Wells founded and edited the Women’s Exponent which was a remarkable publication for its time. She was a famous suffragist, gaining the admiration and respect of national figures such as Susan B. Anthony and Elizabeth Cady Stanton.

Later in life, Emmeline was called to be the 5th General President of the Relief Society. This calling came at a crucial moment in history, just as the United States entered World War I. President Wells partnered with the United States government and American Red Cross to provide food aid, funds, sanitation and child welfare work to the community. It was Wells who chose the motto still used by the Relief Society today, “Charity Never Faileth.”

Most importantly, she was a wise and discerning woman. She knew that the passions of war could erode our ability to love our fellow sisters and brothers. She counseled, “Administer in the spirit of love and patience…guard the little ones; do not permit them to imbibe the spirit of intolerance or hatred to any nation or to any people…Teach the peaceable things of the kingdom [and] look after the needy more diligently than ever.”

III. Chieko Okazaki

I remember as a little girl always looking forward to the times when Chieko Okazi would speak in General Conference. She told such wonderful stories. I particularly remember her Cat’s Cradle address where she demonstrated the intricacy and beauty of this pattern. I spent hours trying to replicate the string trick at home. But more importantly, I remembered her call to think about the lasting effect my kindness or lack thereof could have on another person’s life. It was her stories, as a little girl, that influenced the way I treated my peers.

To me, Sister Okazaki is a perfect example of the Christ-like attribute of empathy. She had known hardship in her life—having been discriminated against because of her race and then later losing her husband—but she used these experiences to meet people where they were at and to make sure the warmth of the gospel extended far enough to reach them.

She once said, “Again, look around the room you are in. Do you see women of different ages, races, or different backgrounds in the Church? Of different educational, marital, and professional experiences? Women with children? Women without children? Women of vigorous health and those who are limited by chronic illness or handicaps? Rejoice in the diversity of our sisterhood! It is the diversity of colors in a spectrum that makes a rainbow. It is the diversity in our circumstances that gives us compassionate hearts. It is the diversity of our spiritual gifts that benefits the Church.”

One more thing I admire about Sister Okazki, her desire to lift the burdens of those around her and her willingness to do the work to do this effectively. Despite having absolutely no training on the subject, Chieko Okazaki gave one of the most profound and important speeches on ‘Healing from Sexual Abuse.’ She talked to hundreds of people, educated herself on the subject, and then found the words to comfort those who had been victimized. This is a difficult subject and one that we don’t like to talk about. But Chieko understood that just because it is difficult doesn’t mean we don’t have a responsibility to mourn with those who mourn and comfort those in need of comfort. Her address is the best treatment on the subject in all of our church’s literature and among the best that I have read in the secular world as well.

IV. Patty Bartlett Sessions

The last woman I would like to talk about today holds a special place in my heart because she is the great-great-great-great-great grandmother of my children. This woman is Patty Bartlett Sessions and I am honored to have married into her family and borne more of her descendants.

Patty Sessions was a deeply spiritual woman who joined the church early and remained faithful until her dying day at the age of 97. She was an incredibly hard worker and steadfast in her knowledge that God loved her. Patty was a successful midwife, delivering almost 4,000 babies with only two “difficult” cases.

We have a wonderful record of her life because she kept meticulous journals that included her work as a midwife and the many spiritual experiences she had. This was a woman who was unafraid to claim the spiritual gifts that God had for her. She was a sought after healer and often documented the times where she spoke in tongues, anointed and blessed the sick, and prophesied of many great things. For example: (Read pg. 71 from Daughters of Light)

Tuesday, April 13, 1847. Visited Eliza R. Snow with Sister Leonard. Had a good time, spoke in tongues, prophecied, and spirit of the Lord was with us. I visited others that were sick also…

Tuesday, May 18, 1847. Visited sick in several places, anointing and laying hands on Sister Murray’s son.

Nevertheless, Patty had a difficult life. The practice of polygamy, in particular, nearly broke her heart. Her beloved husband, David, took a much younger woman to be his 2nd wife and all but abandoned her. It is a testament to her strength of character that she not only supported herself until the end, but then founded and endowed a school that served the needs of poor and fatherless children.

I saw some of these same characteristics—determination, hard work, endurance—in my husband’s recently deceased grandmother and I hope that my children will also possess the same strength of character that their grandmothers did.

Conclusion

As long as discrimination and inequities remain so commonplace everywhere in the world, as long as girls and women are valued less, fed less, overworked, underpaid, not schooled, subjected to violence in and outside their homes — the potential of the human family to create a peaceful, prosperous world will not be realized and Zion cannot be.

I hope that you see the power of these women, that their stories have touched your lives and have made you resolve to be better sons and daughters of God, better disciples of Jesus Christ. Knowing the stories of women like Patty Sessions, Laurel Ulrich, Emmeline Wells, and Chieko Okazaki will help Sylvia claim and maintain her power and fulfill her potential as a daughter of God.

It seems like such a little thing but it matters. I am reminded of the time when Sylvie gave a talk in primary about Mary and Martha. She told me, “Oh Mama, I love this talk! Mary is a girl just like me. I want to be just like Mary!” Sylvie had never expressed an interest or connection to any other scripture story she had heard. And perhaps it was because almost all of those stories are about men. But this story, a story about a woman and a disciple of Christ, captured her imagination.

Stories about women matter to little Sylvia, they matter to me, and they should matter to all of us.

Help me rewrite the maps for our daughters and our sons. Let us have the power to tell our stories and the grace to listen when they are told.

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Published on March 04, 2018 15:00

IWD Series 2018: Seeing Women and Girls in Primary

Guest post by Carrie Sillito

Eve. Jarius’s Daughter. Mary Magdalene. Mary, Mother of Jesus. Sarah. Sariah. Ten virgins. The Widow of Zarephath. Mary Jones. Emily Fulmer. The Mother of Heber J Grant. “Mrs. James”. “Annie”. “Jane”. “Mary.” “Sarah”.

17 girls and women.

This list is inclusive of every single girl and woman mentioned in sharing time outlines from 2014 through 2018. At least four of them are fictional (the jury is out on whether “Mrs. James” is fictional or real). Let’s assume “Mrs. James” is real. Only because my heart aches to learn the stories of real women.

Over 5 years, and 240 weeks of lessons, only 13 real women or girls are talked about in sharing time.

Some of these women (Like Eve, Mary Magdalene, and Jairus’s Daughter) are mentioned in more than one lesson.

Women included in Sharing Time Outlines: 2014-2018

Women from Scripture (Total = 8)
Total Number of times included

Eve (and Adam)
4

Jairus Daughter
4

Mary Magdalene
5

Mary, Jesus Mother
1

Sarah (and Abraham)
1

Sariah (and Lehi)
1

Ten virgins
1

Widow of Zarephath
2

Pioneer or Modern Women (Total = 5)

Mary Jones (Genealogy story)
1

Outline suggests to invite a mother
1

Ben and Emily Fulmer (President Monson story)
1

“Mrs. James” (missionary story)
1

Mother of Heber J Grant
1

Fictional Female Characters
4

Total Stories Including Women 2014-2018
28

In total, there are stories with women or girls twenty-eight times. Total. In 5 years. Contrast this to the stories including men and boys. In the same five-year period, there were 211 stories including men and boys. This figure excludes stories or lessons that were specifically focused on the Godhead because including those would have boosted the number much higher.

[image error]

I don’t want to be all negative. I LOVE primary. I’ve had primary callings most of my adult life. Many weeks, the sharing time lessons are gender neutral. There are fun activities and games, songs, and visual activities. We spend a lot of time learning about gospel principles, the scriptures, and the Savior. The lessons are usually engaging for both the boys and the girls.

However:

In 2014, Primary children learned that “Families are Forever” in sharing time, yet there was no mention of our Heavenly Mother.

In 2015, Primary children learned about the Savior in sharing time. Unfortunately, the outline for the year only included references to two women who interacted with Jesus.

In 2016, Primary children spent a year learning “I know the Scriptures are True.” However, that year, only five women from the scriptures were ever mentioned in sharing time outlines.

In 2017, Primary children spent a year learning to “Choose the Right.” Over the entire year, only four women who chose the right are mentioned by name – and two of them were fictional.

In 2018, the theme is “I am a child of God.” There are only 7 times daughters of God are mentioned by name in the outlines or stories. Two of these are fictional.

I was impressed with President Joy D. Jones’s conference talk in October 2017 when she told the stories of women and girls who have made a difference in building the church. I hope we can be like her and share these stories with our primary children.

In October, 2015 General Conference, President Russell M. Nelson Said, “We, your brethren, need your strength, your conversion, your conviction, your ability to lead, your wisdom, and your voices. The kingdom of God is not and cannot be complete without women… who can speak with the power and authority of God!”

If our current prophet says we need the voices of women, certainly, the children of the primary could benefit from learning about the women who have also worked in building the kingdom of God.

I, like President Nelson, NEED to hear the voices of women. I want to hear their stories, see their strength and courage. I want my children to hear the stories of women. I want them to see women participating in the church, facing challenges with faith. I want them to see faithful women who choose the right, who follow the Savior, who participate in families, who are in the scriptures, and I want them to know that women, too, are valuable Children of God.

You cannot be what you cannot see.

When I started going through the outlines from sharing time, I never imagined there were actually so few women in the sharing time outlines. I began a serious search of the sharing time outlines, wanting to prove to myself that the girls were there, somewhere.

But, instead, I found that in 5 years of lessons, only 13 females who actually existed were ever mentioned.

What can be done?

I’m reaching out to church leaders to share these findings. I do not believe women were deliberately excluded. I have faith and hope that speaking up can bring change. The church has made many recent efforts to make women more visible by putting auxiliary leaders on the stand in general conference, having women pray in general conference, and adding pictures of female auxiliary leaders to the conference center. Women have been added to councils, and women take a larger part with ward councils in organizing sacrament meeting programs. The church has come a long way in improving the visibility of women in recent years!

Each of us can make a difference.

When I teach sharing time, I find and include stories of women and girls too.

As M. Russell Ballard said, “It takes men and women to carry out the work of the Lord.”

I encourage you to also make women visible. Many of us in the LDS church have teaching callings. We can make an effort to find stories of women and girls to share too. Whether you teach in the Primary, Sunday School, Young Women’s program, Young Men’s program, Relief Society, Elders Quorum, or High Priests, YOU can make females more visible in the church. If you are not a teacher, you can share comments and stories about women in class. One of my favorite Bible stories is of Queen Esther when she had the courage to speak out against the plot of the evil Haman. She put her faith and trust in God, and because of this, her courage saved her people. Our primary children need to learn about Esther and other faithful, brave, courageous women.

We can share our ideas with each other.

We can help each other! I created a PDF with stories of women and girls that fit into current sharing time lesson plans. This may give you some ideas of how to include girls and women in sharing time. All references are church published sources. This is not a complete or exhaustive list of resources. This is intended to help you supplement (not replace) the current primary outlines. If you teach sharing time and you have other stories of women or girls that you have used, I’d love to expand this resource to include more examples of women from the scriptures, choosing the right, following the Savior, as part of families, and as children of God.

Women and Girls Sharing Time Supplements PDF

Because over 5 years, primary children need to hear about more than 13 women in sharing time.

Carrie completed a PhD in Sociology, and teaches Sociology courses part time. She is in her ward primary presidency, and a mother to three children.

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Published on March 04, 2018 02:21

IWD Series 2018: Suffrage and the Priesthood

[image error]International Women’s Day was first proposed by a socialist and suffragette from Germany named Clara Zetkin in 1910. Two of the colors signifying IWD come from the Women’s Social and Political Union in the United Kingdom: Purple, signifying justice and dignity, and green symbolizing hope. Thus IWD is a direct outgrowth of the European suffrage movement. As it happens, I am teaching a seminar this term focusing on women, gender and sexuality in modern Europe and so the feminist issues of the early 1900s are at the forefront of my thoughts.

A few weeks ago my class and I discussed the fight for suffrage, focusing particularly on documents from the United Kingdom because they’re linguistically accessible to my students.

I always find that particular lecture to be incredibly depressing. On one hand of course it is finally a real victory for women, which feels refreshing after months of covering millennia of oppression. On the other hand, discussing the anti-suffrage movement always rings in my mind as an echo of all the reasons Mormons list for why it is fine to exclude women from the priesthood.

I was especially struck by these parallels this year when I had my students create a list of reasons why women shouldn’t be granted the vote based on the anti-suffrage documents we had read. Their list included the following:

We don’t currently have women in government and things are going great
Internalized norms
Fear of freedom/responsibility
Married women would just double a husband’s vote
Women are naturally inferior
There might be negative legal repercussions that go with getting the vote
Pride in homemaking
Laws would no longer favor men, especially in terms of sexual freedom
Lose existing protection
Home will go to hell
Suffragettes are not respectable and don’t want to be associated with them
Governing needs a masculine hand
Women aren’t essential
Women are flourishing as it is
The contributions of women are useless
No one really wants the vote
Voting would degrade womanhood.

Some of these do not translate entirely to contemporary LDS struggles, but most do. I will reframe them here to illustrate what I see as the parallels. Why shouldn’t women have the priesthood?

Women don’t have the priesthood now and the work of God is rolling forward boldly, nobly and independently, penetrating every clime.
Internalized norms: Priesthood is masculine, and not for me. I’ve never really thought about it.
I don’t want the priesthood! I have enough on my plate!
I don’t need the priesthood because I serve in leadership capacities through my husband as Bishop’s Wife/Temple Matron/Mission President’s Wife.
Women are naturally superior and don’t need the priesthood to keep them on the straight and narrow.
If I were given the priesthood I might be given a calling I’d never want, like being a Bishop or having a mission become an expected duty.
I feel honored and special without the priesthood. What if that changes?
Someone needs to take care of home and children and I see motherhood as the complement to priesthood.
I see the Ordain Women movement as inappropriate. I have strong negative associations with the word feminist. I do not want to be associated with them.
Leadership has always been and should be male.
All ordinances and church organizations can proceed without female involvement and still function correctly.
I love being a woman in the church and feel supported and valued right now!
Most women don’t want the priesthood. My wife doesn’t.
Women wanting the priesthood shows that women don’t understand the special qualities they have.

This list of course is not comprehensive, any more than my students’ list for suffrage covered every possible aspect. However, when we made our list in class it was with some snickers and wry asides. The general tone was “these arguments are ridiculous and offensive and outdated. Thank heavens we don’t live like that.” I hope someday that a history teacher for LDS studies has a similar class about contemporary social attitudes towards excluding women from the priesthood and the students are equally appalled and aghast.

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Published on March 03, 2018 05:00

March Young Women Lesson: Why do I need to forgive others?

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In the spirit of our International Women’s Day series and Mormonism’s #metoo movement (#Mormonmetoo), this March Young Women lesson on forgiveness works to help young women identify what engaging in a process of forgiveness may be like when they or someone they know has experienced abuse or assault.

Start the lesson by asking the class what comes to mind when they think of the word “forgiveness.”

Write their answers on the board.

Throughout the lesson refer to their answers from the board to determine together whether their initial associations to “forgiveness” square with what they are learning in the lesson.

It’s likely that the word “forget” or “forgetting” came up during this exercise. Explain that while in the scriptures the Lord says He will “remember [our] sins no more” when we repent (D&C 58:42), that it is not humanly possible nor required of us as human beings to forget or trust someone who has harmed us. Forgiving is not forgetting for important reasons, nor does it require not holding someone accountable for their behavior. But working toward forgiveness of others in safe circumstances can be a valuable process.

Strongly emphasize that not every hurt or offense is healthy or wise to “forgive.”

For instance, if someone is abused by a parent or an intimate partner, it may be impossible or ill-advised to require oneself to forgive that person and remain in relationship with them. There are many reasons for this, which include protecting yourself or those you love from a perpetrator, or to preserve your physical, emotional, spiritual, and/or mental health. Tell the class that anger is an emotion that helps us separate. And that they should give space for their anger if they experience abuse or assault in any form for as long as they need to help keep themselves and others they may be responsible for safe.

Next I would tell this story:

A mother was talking to her elementary-school-aged daughter about her grandparents when the daughter asked why their family didn’t visit with or web cam with a particular grandfather as they did with her other grandparents. The mother explained that while she loves this grandfather very much, that “Grandpa is unable to treat others appropriately enough for us to be close to him. He doesn’t want to hurt people he loves, but he does. And as your mother it’s my responsibility to protect you from those who I know would hurt you.” The mother then explained to her daughter that we can hold love in our hearts for people while choosing to not interact with them to keep ourselves safe from those who would do us harm.

Ask the young women what they think about this story. Ask them if they think the mother in this story is forgiving of the grandfather. Why or why not?

Ask them if they have experienced being hurt by someone enough to need to separate themselves from them, or to consider separating themselves from them.

Then ask them if they feel comfortable sharing their experience and what considering forgiveness has been like for them in those cases.

If an experience is shared that may be traumatizing for members of the class to hear, tell the young woman how important it was for her to share it and tell her you want to talk to her more about it after class. And then be sure to follow up with her.

If you feel a member of the class is in need of immediate comfort given what she shared, follow the Spirit and your instincts in how best to respond so she feels heard, believed, and validated. And be sure to verbalize that the abuse or assault is not her fault and that she is not to blame for what happened to her. No matter what.

If the young woman reports that the abuse or assault is on-going, in a private conversation after class inquire about her level of safety and if there is an adult she trusts in her life that she feels comfortable talking to who could help her. If the abuse is physical or sexual in nature and is being perpetrated by a parent or guardian, all states in the U.S. have a child services department that you can contact and make a report, even anonymously, and the state is required to investigate the report and determine whether the child is safe to remain in the home. You may also consider reporting the abuse or assault to the police, if you feel the young woman has not already done so and is not safe, or if the perpetrator is likely to harm others. If you do any of the above, if possible it is best to first get the consent of the young woman before contacting government authorities.

Forgiveness is multi-faceted and is not something perpetrators of abuse or assault will be given by God without their repentance.

The lesson manual points out a nuance to forgiveness: whereas we are commanded in the scriptures to forgive everyone (D&C 64:10), which includes ourselves, only God “can decide whether or not a person should be forgiven.” I think this means that God loves everyone unconditionally no matter what, but that God will still hold people accountable if they haven’t repented or changed their hurtful behavior.

Point out again that whereas we are asked to forgive all, that as Latter-day Saints we believe we can continue to grow and progress in the after-life, so that we need not require perfection of ourselves in achieving forgiveness in every case in this life. Remind the young women that their Heavenly Mother and Heavenly Father know their struggles and their pain. I would add that I believe that only our Heavenly Parents can judge us and that I believe their grace and mercy covers cases where our best efforts to let go of negative feelings did not achieve forgiveness in this life.

Tell the class clearly that if a crime has been committed against us, we are entitled to justice in a court of law. And that working to ensure that a perpetrator isn’t able to abuse or assault others by being put in prison can bring survivors of abuse and assault a measure of peace. I would add that reporting a crime against us to the police is a personal decision and that we shouldn’t judge others or ourselves if we don’t. And that it’s never too late to report abuse/assault or to speak our truth, even if it doesn’t result in the outcome we would wish for. There is something called the court of public opinion and that making others aware of someone’s history of harming others if they are likely to reoffend may be an important part of our healing—no matter how many days, months, or years have passed since the abuse or crime was committed.

In the right circumstances, forgiveness offers a significant benefit to the one who has been hurt.

Working through our feelings of anger, resentment, and maybe even a desire for revenge is a process that often takes a lot of time in cases of abuse and assault. But our efforts to let go of feelings that are no longer constructive for us can help us avoid being held hostage by them so can move on with our lives.

Where possible, ultimately forgiveness can be a gift you give yourself.

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Published on March 03, 2018 01:00

March YW Lesson: Why do I need to forgive others?