Exponent II's Blog, page 268

Guest Post — Made in Her Image: The Body Image Lesson My Heavenly Mother Taught Me

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I recently had a powerful experience with Heavenly Mother – more personal and pivotal than anything I’ve experienced with Her before. I’ve hesitated to share it, and then was prompted to share it during a Relief Society lesson I was teaching last week. It felt right to share it there, and it feels right to share it here. My Mother in Heaven taught me something about my body that I’ve been teaching girls and women for years, and I’ll never forget it.

I have a Ph.D. in body image resilience and run a nonprofit dedicated to promoting positive body image, but that doesn’t mean I’m immune to the anxiety, shame, and fixation on appearance so many women bear. As a woman with a body, no number of advanced degrees or years of activism could ever fully free me from the stifling objectification of our world and the body-monitoring self-objectification that our world encourages.

This work in body image activism is something I feel called to do, and have felt the guiding hand of my Heavenly Parents throughout my 10 years of college, and especially as I wrote and researched my dissertation, and during my dissertation defense where I had the surprising opportunity to bear testimony of the church’s feminist foremothers and our Heavenly Mother herself. It was powerful. The four male professors and one female professor in that University of Utah room cried with me and told me the experience was transformative. It was transformative.

I’m a relatively new mom – at the time of my writing I have a 20-month-old daughter. My expertise is in body image resilience, or becoming stronger because of difficult feelings and experiences in my body, not in spite of those things. This summer, I experienced one of those difficult things I teach about.

I love swimming. I love the water. I’ve committed for years to never miss an opportunity to swim because of body shame that tells me I’m unfit to be seen in a swimsuit. And because of this, swimming has brought me great joy and a constant reminder of my favorite Beauty Redefined mantra: My body is an instrument, not an ornament! But one day this summer, as my husband and I drove home from a fun day at the lake with our baby, I was suddenly drowning in body shame as I scrolled through pictures my husband had taken of me and my baby. I was caught off guard at how ashamed I was of my body, and I quickly went against all my own teachings and deleted the photos.

When we got home, I laid on my bed alone and prayed aloud while my husband was showering. I needed my Mother, and I asked for Her help. I told Her I was overcome with body shame (and guilt because of the shame) and I asked for Her to comfort me. And as soon as I asked, the warmest feeling of love and pride washed over me. I saw myself walking somewhere – I was looking at my body from behind. As I looked at myself, I felt the same kind of pride I feel about my baby girl. I love every inch of her – her belly, her legs, the fuzzy hair on the back of her head. I am so proud of her. I felt that for me, from my Mother. I felt how She feels about me, and it extended beyond my body. As I watched myself walk, I felt this pride for who I was and what I was doing. I can only describe it as absolute, unconditional pride and love.

I laid there and cried tears of joy. My shame washed away. I grabbed my phone and wrote down what happened so I wouldn’t forget. The note in my phone ended with, “She doesn’t want me to feel ashamed. She wants me to be happy and proud and continue on. I felt Her. I felt Her love.”

And I did. And that love – love that I can only compare to the love I feel for my baby, which doesn’t do it justice – is the love She has for all of us. I know this is true. Women, who bear the burden of so much pain in our bodies, physically, mentally, and emotionally, are designed in the image of a Mother in Heaven who loves us and we love Her. She is so proud of the ways we rise with resilience in the face of so much pain. And She reminded me that day that She is there to lift us up.

Lexie Kite, Ph.D., is the co-director of the Beauty Redefined Foundation (www.beautyredefined.org) alongside her twin sister, Lindsay Kite. Since establishing Beauty Redefined in 2009, Lexie and Lindsay have become leading experts in the work of body image resilience through research-backed online education available on their website, social media, and through speaking events to tens of thousands across the US.

A Personalized Assembly Line Baptism

[image error]When my oldest daughter was baptized, we had permission to hold a family baptism in order to accommodate her grandmother’s travel from out-of-state, separate from the stake baptism where all the other primary kids were baptized that month. I planned and conducted the baptismal service, making sure that the people who are important to my daughter’s life had a part in the proceedings. I was particularly careful to give spiritually meaningful assignments to the women in her life since church policy excludes women from officiating the baptism, officially witnessing the baptism, officiating the confirmation, or standing in a circle while she is confirmed. I balanced these male-only tasks with speaking assignments, prayers and musical numbers by women.

But I did note with a bit of guilt that it took three hours to fill the baptismal font with water that would only be used once for a few minutes—quite wasteful in the desert where I live. As long as we continue to baptize by immersion, it makes sense to baptize multiple people on the same day.

[image error]When my second child was baptized, Grandma was able to arrange her travel to attend a stake baptism—an event that  is often referred to ruefully as an “assembly line Utah baptism”.

I am pleased to report that my local stake primary presidency balanced the need to baptize many children on the same day with personal attention to each child and their family. A member of the stake primary presidency visited me and my child to discuss the program that would take place in the chapel prior to the baptism.  Each child to be baptized would have the opportunity to go to the stand and share their testimony or their favorite scripture story. The stake also gave each child one place on the program to insert a family member or friend of their choice. Our family had the opening prayer and we chose Grandma.  Each child chose a favorite primary song or hymn for the congregation to sing immediately before his or her baptism.

After the child’s favorite song, their family and guests were excused to the baptismal font to see the child baptized and then each child was sent to a separate room for their confirmation, where we had the option to immediately proceed with the confirmation or personalize the event with our own program. I created a 10-minute program for the confirmation room including a talk by me, a song by me and a sibling, and brief remarks by each grandparent. I appreciated this sacred family time separate from the rest of the stake. I am grateful that my stake facilitated such a thoughtful baptismal experience for my son and my family.

The only hiccups resulted from churchwide policies that give the roles of presiding over and conducting baptisms to men after women do the behind-the-scenes work. Not only did putting men in charge on the day of the baptism serve to make the women who had actually planned the event invisible, it also resulted in some minor glitches to the program. When it was my son’s turn to go to the stand, the man conducting, probably unaware of the exact instructions my son had received the stake primary presidency, asked him if he would like to bear his testimony. Startled because he had prepared to tell his favorite scripture story instead, he just shook his head no, and was almost sent back to the audience without sharing what he had planned. I had to run up to the stand to intervene.  Inside our family’s confirmation room, the man conducting instructed the other men to go ahead and start the ordinance, either forgetting or unaware that the stake primary presidency had given us the option of holding a family program there. Again, I had to assert myself to ensure that the program proceeded as planned.

Overall, both baptisms were good experiences. My stake’s methods for conducting a group baptism demonstrate that group baptisms don’t have to be impersonal. Now, if only general church policies were more inclusive of women!

Relief Society Lesson Plan “The Eternal Everyday” by Elder Quentin L. Cook

by Erika M.

As a teacher, both at church and at the university, I find that the best lessons allow students to discuss ideas deeply and consider their own experience from a new light. This requires me to be in a place where I have myself thought deeply about the ideas while also not being so wedded to my own way of thinking that I am closed off to listening to the perspective of my students. I feel most successful when I spend as much time listening, not merely hearing, to the ideas of my students as I do “teaching.”  For this reason, I often find that many of my lesson plans involve preparing open-ended questions, often more that I might realistically need.  That way if a question just isn’t the right one for the audience, I have other questions prepared waiting in the wings.  My understudies, if you will. It also allows me to quickly change the tenor of the conversation by asking another question if I feel that we have entered a space that will not work for the audience, will bring the spirit of contention, or is too one-sided.

Additionally, I have learned not to be afraid of silence.  People often need more time to think than we might realize; especially during those frightening moments when we hope that our question hasn’t just flopped, and time is going by at a snail’s pace.

I would probably start this lesson by reading the following quote that comes at the beginning of Elder Cook’s talk:

Sometimes man’s purpose and very existence are also described in very humble terms. The prophet Moses was raised in what some today might call a privileged background. As recorded in the Pearl of Great Price, the Lord, preparing Moses for his prophetic assignment, gives him an overview of the world and all the children of men which are and were created.

Moses’s somewhat surprising reaction was, “Now … I know that man is nothing, which thing I never had supposed.”

Subsequently, God, in what amounts to a rebuttal to any feelings of unimportance that Moses may have felt, proclaimed His true purpose: “For behold, this is my work and my glory—to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man.”

 

I would then suggest that, as both things cannot be true and, yet, they are, that the truth of the matter lies in the paradox. Some discussion question I might use would include: How might both things be true? How can we live in the paradox between these two truths? How might holding on to this slippery space, this idea between ideas, change the way that we behave? How might this set of concepts help us find humility without being self-deprecating? How might Moses’ privileged upbringing have caused him to place greater value on his position? Why was it important, given his own history, that he first acknowledge his own insignificance to fully understand his true position as a child of God? Why do you think that it was so important to God that Moses be corrected? What does that tell us about our relationship to the Divine? (Depending on your inclination, questions such as the following might be asked; however, they might open up an entirely different lesson. Are there other paradoxes you feel the gospel teaches? If God so often chooses to teach us in paradoxes, what does this tell us about truth? About the importance of balance?)

After sufficient discussion, I would use the comment made by sisters to take us to the next portion of Elder Cook’s talk.  He writes/says:

We are all equal before God. His doctrine is clear. In the Book of Mormon, we read, “All are alike unto God,” including “black and white, bond and free, male and female.” Accordingly, all are invited to come to the Lord. Anyone who claims superiority under the Father’s plan because of characteristics like race, sex, nationality, language, or economic circumstances is morally wrong and does not understand the Lord’s true purpose for all of our Father’s children.

 

This quote is, in my mind, one of the gems of the lesson. It has the potential to ask people to do some real soul searching if given time to pause and think rather than glossing over it with a “of course, this is true.” In order to facilitate this deeper soul searching, I might ask the following: How might our actions change if we lived this truth? It is interesting the Lord chooses the word alike here.  What do you make of this word choice rather than either equal or the same? Are there ways in which we inadvertently create a culture in which some might not feel invited to the Lord’s table? How can we work to create a community where all feel welcome and valued? In our wards? In our neighborhoods? In our larger communities? Are there ways in which we internalize these differences ourselves and then use them to undermine our own place in the God’s plan? Do we ever not sit down to the spiritual feast provided by our Heavenly Parents because of we have internalized a misguided view of our own worth?

 

This might also be a place to discuss an anti-racist perspective of the Book of Mormon.  While there are racist verses in the Book of Mormon and the Church’s own history with race is wrought to say the least, there are some interesting cases to be made for an anti-racist reading of the Book of Mormon.  In an article on Medium by Kwaku El (a member of African heritage), he writes the following, in response to the question, “why are there black Mormons? How could any self-respecting African American subscribe to the doctrine of the Latter-day Saint movement?”:

The Holy Bible has a severe lack of verses condemning racism. The clearest the Bible gets in regards to the sin of racism is arguably Romans 10:12 and Galatians 3:28. “There is no difference between the Jew and the Greek: for the same Lord over all is rich unto all that call upon him.” (R10:12) “There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus.” (G3:28) For a people who view religious truth on a close par with racial justice, there is a serious lack of clarity among racism in The Holy Bible. These verses preach unity in the savior through grace and salvation, however not in social status or political protection. For the slaves of the ancient biblical period could have salvation in the next life, but not equality in their current.  The Apostle Paul never condemns the actual teaching of slavery, or condemns racism itself. He seems to be preaching of an inclusive gospel spiritually, but not doctrinally preaching the importance of inclusivity in all societal measures, which would follow the law of Christ more accurately.  The Book of Mormon however condemns racism and prejudices in a much more specific way, 2 Nephi 26:33… “…he inviteth them all to come unto him and partake of his goodness; and he denieth none to come unto him, black or white, bond and free, male and female; and he remebereth the heathen; and all are alike unto God, both Jew and Gentile.” (2N26:33) The words “all are alike unto God” is a very powerful phrase. Not only are we all one in Christ Jesus, but in general all are alike. We become equals without any debate when we are in the body of Christ, yet even without such, we are created the same, and are alike.

 

I think that it is really important to emphasize that this doesn’t mean that we should pat ourselves on our back and avoid confronting our own racisms. Nor does it mean that we don’t need to look closely at our own history but, rather, that we should hold ourselves to this higher standard and repeatedly ask ourselves, “What lack I yet?”

Elder Cook then goes on to say: “When we really contemplate God…, and Christ the Son, who They are, and what They have accomplished on our behalf, it fills us with reverence, awe, gratitude, and humility.” It would be interesting to use this statement to help sisters consider the ways in which considering their relationship to the Divine, their gratitude for the plan, and the sacrifice of our Heavenly Parents and Jesus Christ fill them with reverence and awe. You might ask: When you consider the Plan of Salvation, how does it fill you with reverence and awe? What about it do you find especially miraculous, beautiful, or compelling? How does this knowledge help you reverence God? The Savior? Ourselves? Those around us? I think too often we skip over this kind of reflection because we feel like we will just get Sunday School answers but if we, with our questions, ask the sisters to dig deeper into their own experiences with the Divine, I find, we are often rewarded with some of the richest discussion, the most powerful spiritual feasts.

Once Elder Cook has spent time establishing who we are and our relationship to God, he uses the lives of both ancient and modern members (Alma, Heber C. Kimball, Orson Hyde) to discuss the importance of humility in our pursuit of righteousness.  He exhorts:

Sometimes humility is accepting callings when we do not feel adequate. Sometimes humility is serving faithfully when we feel capable of a more high profile assignment. Humble leaders have verbally and by example established that it is not where we serve but how we faithfully serve. Sometimes humility to overcoming hurt feelings when we feel that leaders or others have mistreated us.

 

Here again is a paradox. We are humble when we accept callings that we feel are “too big” for us but we are also humble when we serve in callings we feel don’t fully utilize our skill sets. What is Elder Cook really trying to say here? What is he trying to teach about service? What is he attempting to demonstrate regarding our relationships to our assignments in the Church?

 

I would also open up a conversation about how we can humbly forgive those who have hurt us without humiliating ourselves. Elder Cook asks us to be humble in our forgiveness not to allow ourselves to be humiliated.  When we talk about humility in the scriptures, we are talking about humility before God. He also says that it is important that we overcome hurt feelings but not that we place ourselves in a position to continue to be hurt. With that clearly articulated, I would ask the sisters: How does one find peace when they have been hurt by another? How are humility and the ability to forgive related? How might humbling ourselves before God help us to find the strength to forgive? If appropriate, I might share an experience where I found strength to forgive through turning to the Lord.

 

In a related matter, I would also turn to a talk given by Virginia H. Pearce. In the talk, “Prayer: A Small and Simple Thing,” Sister Pearce shares an experience she had while visiting the BYU Museum of Art.  She describes the following while examining Christus Consolator by Carl Block:

 

( Consolador Carl Heinrich Bloch 1882. Palacio de Frederiksborg, Copenhague, Dinamarca)

 I love to look at each individual who seeks consolation from Christ. You can see the troubles of mortality on their faces. These are they who know they cannot do it alone. Bloch described the joy we can take in adversity when we know it brings us to Christ. He said: “When things are at their worst they can then become their absolute best. I think then that I have so much to thank God for, and it would be foolish to demand that one should be happy in this life. By that I mean always sparking, always seeing the ideal under the light sky.”“No, grey skies and rain splashing are part of it – one must be washed off thoroughly before one goes in to God.” I like that artist’s image – being washed off thoroughly by the grey skies and rains of life as we kneel in humility, in our fragileness, asking for God’s help. “Be thou humble; and the Lord thy God shall lead thee by the hand, and give thee answer to thy prayers.”

 

How can being humble help us to use the trials we face as a refreshing, or, at least, cleansing rain?

 

Looking at other ways in which humility helps us to develop, Elder Cook also emphasizes the importance of humility in doing missionary work. How does humility help us do missionary work? Why does God think it is such a key trait in having success teaching the gospel to others?

 

Finally, Cook looks outside of the church to the ways in which a lack of humility has harmed communities and nations.  He exclaims:

 

The widespread deterioration of civil discourse is also a concern. The eternal principle is also a concern. The eternal principle of agency requires that we respect many choices with which we do not agree. Conflict and contention now often breach “the boundaries of common decency.” We need more modesty and humility.

 

I would pair this statement with one of these from Gandhi – “It is unwise to be too sure of one’s own wisdom. It is healthy to be reminded that the strongest might weaken and the wisest might err” or “the first condition of humaneness is a little humility and a little diffidence about the correctness of one’s conduct and a little receptiveness.” And then I would ask: How do humility and modesty breathe life into discourse? What are their benefits? What are their limits?

 

Elder Cook ends by again linking humility and forgiveness. He directs that we must be cautious of “any form of arrogance.” This would be a good place to then discuss the distinction between arrogance and self-worth. In an Ensign article from January 2005 entitled “Confidence and Self-Worth,” Elder Glenn L. Pace writes:

 

To be humble is to recognize our utter dependence upon the Lord. We are conscious of our strengths, but we do not exalt ourselves and become prideful, for we know that all good things ultimately come from God. We are conscious of our weaknesses, but we know the Lord can use those very weaknesses to bless our lives and that through Him, as we learn from the book of Ether, our weaknesses can become strengths. To lack confidence is to have feelings of low self-worth. We are preoccupied with our weaknesses, and we lack faith in the Lord’s ability to use those weaknesses for our good. We do not understand our inestimable worth in the eyes of God, nor do we appreciate our divine potential. Ironically, both pride and a lack of self-confidence cause us to focus excessively on ourselves and to deny the power of God in our lives.

 

How might do we develop self-worth while avoiding the sin of arrogance? How might humility, paradoxically, help us to develop greater self-worth.

 

Finally, Elder Cook bears his testimony of the Savior.  He “bears a sure witness of the Savior and His atonement and the overwhelming opportunity of humbly serving Him each and every day.” This turn of phrase “humbling serving” the Savior creates a wonderful space to both connect the ideas shared by class members and bear testimony of Jesus Christ.

 

Depending on your ward, it is important to note that the historical context for this statement is a rebuttal of Ayla Stewart, the rise of the Alt-Right in certain Mormon circles, and the gathering of Neo-Nazi’s that took place in Charlottesville.

This article goes into great detail regarding the Book of Mormon’s references to dark skin and the Lord’s rebuke of members who engaged in racism because of this “curse.” It is an interesting read – by no means complete – but interesting nonetheless. https://medium.com/@kwakuel/perhaps-a...

He does not say it here but I would have no problem adding – Sometime humility is accepting that we have inadvertently (or, perhaps, advertently) hurt someone else.

In case it isn’t obvious, I love unpacking paradoxes.

Eugene England writes, in his article “Healing and Making Peace,” that Christ’s solution to violence is “contained in the Sermon on the Mount…; in Christ’s maledictions against the Pharisees (Matt. 23:13-29), which required Jews to recognize the violence in themselves – that they have always killed the prophets who bring the message of peace and will kill him also; and supremely and finally in Christ’s death. Christ does not die as a tradition, guilty scapegoat, who hides the sins and violence of the community. Rather, Christ insists upon being recognized as an innocent victim, a sacrifice whose perfect forgiving love clearly reveals the cost of our violence and the only way to stop it. He lived out his teachings and sealed his testimony with the divine authority of his perfectly innocent blood” (Making Peace: Personal Essays, 8)  England also goes into great detail on the true meaning of turning the other cheek in his essay “The Prince of Peace” – also in Making Peace: Personal Essays. It makes a good anecdote to the idea that, in order to be forgiving or to work for peace, we must allow ourselves to be a doormat.

This quote might open up an interesting conversation about the paradox of “Man (and woman) is that (s)he might have joy” and the importance of trials to our individual development. But, again, with the paradoxes.

Taken from At the Pulpit: 185 Years of Discourses by Latter-Day Saint Women

There is that word again.

Mercia Second Ward

During the time of the Great Apostasy, faithful followers of Christ tried to keep doctrines and practices in accordance with their knowledge of the Gospel.  We know that many truths were lost and distorted over time, but we also know that many disciples of Christ tried their utmost to live the Gospel.  Recently a remarkable cache of documents has been discovered that shows just how much medieval saints resembled modern day wards!  Every ward has been asked to keep a ward history, and Mercia Second Ward was no different.  Beautifully illustrated, this priceless document shows the inner workings of a regular ol’ ward in the Dark Ages.

[image error]Sister Aelfgifu believed that best gift she could give patrons of the Ward Library was a smile and a good attitude.  Sometimes she had to grit her pointy teeth when Brother Egbert showed up out of breath asking for a video to teach his class for him again but she did her best. Sister Godgifu had no such compunctions.  She knew Brother Wealdmaer wouldn’t return that chalk.  He never did.  The moment her back was turned some breezy teacher would waltz in to make a few copies, ignoring the “library demons only” sign on the scriptorium  and wouldn’t you know it, the parchment would get stuck or start unravelling uncontrollably.  Oh look, there it goes again.  “This is so typical,” she thought as she heaved a giant tome of “church illustrations volume 7” onto the checkout desk.  “At least I get to miss Sunday school and talk with my friend.”  Despite its drawbacks, the Ward Librarian was a plum job even back then.

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The annual Youth Costume Ball is a privilege and, as usual, those rotten teens from Wessex Eighth Ward ruined everything, after we put so much work into our neat sideways alphabet wall hangings!  Sister Mersnake had worked for months perfecting her costume so she could show that she was a “fun” and “hip” chaperone, so those girls would finally see her as a friend.  The modgepodge work that went into her crown alone! Then of course, Osmund and Hilda had to show up as Adam and Eve, which they claimed was an expression of religious devotion but was obviously a taunt because of an unmentionable mishap from Sister Mersnake’s standards night fireside.  Well.  Those little brats forgot their dance cards, and you know what that means.  You’d better buckle up for a little refresher on the rules before we let you in.  “No slam dancing.  No mosh pits.  No nudity.  Oops, that’s you. And you’d better stay this far from her when you dance.”  Osmund never showed up underdressed with a beard and shaggy hair again.  He certainly learned his lesson.  Sometimes you need to take a firm line with these rebellious youths for their own good.

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The problem with Relief Society activities is that someone always hovers on the periphery hoping for some juicy gossip.  Sister Baldethiva and Sister Goldeburga were working hard on their Super Saturday Spindle Holiday Hearth Ornament.  It was looking perfect — pointy, stringy and festive.  It was the ideal opportunity for Sister Baldethiva to open up about her husband’s struggle with lewd illuminated manuscripts.  But of course, right on cue, there was Sister Maerwynn, leering and lurking, trying to act innocent but obviously tuned in for all the titillating details.  There’s a place for everyone in Relief Society, but nobody likes it when their private struggles find their way, thinly veiled, into the “Tattler” column of the Ward Newsletter.  It has to be admitted her craft station is very on trend though — giant arrows are in, and go with everything.

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What are you supposed to say when someone hands you their limbless gremlin and asks “isn’t she the cutest?!” when, quite frankly the answer is “not really, no”?  These were the thoughts that crossed Sister Oslafa’s mind when presented with the newest baby in the ward.  “But,” she thought philosophically, “I’m not totally nailing it in the neck/shoulder department either.  Everyone is a child of God.”  So she said, with all honesty “your baby is precious.  Congratulations.”

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While the children’s fathers smiled beatifically from the stand, presiding their hearts out, the wives of the Bishopric heroically wrestled what felt like upwards of two dozen children.  Naturally the deacon offered the bread tray to the toddler, who proceeded to help himself to snacks.  All of Sister Beorngyth’s six children insisted on sitting next to her, which necessitated a complex stacking arrangement.  Sister Aelflaede offered Osred some crackers in a bag, but meanwhile the twins had disrobed and climbed into the yawning mouth of the pew dragons.  Welcome, welcome Sabbath morning, now we rest from every care.

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Sister Bebba couldn’t wait to put in her Christmas letter that little Alfred got his Eagle Scout at 12 “all by himself.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

These historical documents are opening new vistas for church historians who previously thought so many plain and precious truths were entirely lost during the Apostasy.  Not so!  What a blessed time to be alive, with new treasures coming to light!

Relief Society Lesson: The Sabbath is a day to remember what God has done for us

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Today we’re going to talk about a few of the grand, mighty, magnificent events that the scriptures tell us God associates with the sabbath. Let’s start, as I often like to, in the beginning.

The first of the two creation narratives that open the Old Testament outlines the story of creation in days.

Please note that I have modified the pronouns to reflect our understanding that we have a Heavenly Mother and Heavenly Father.

Genesis 1

1 In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth.

2 And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters.

3 And God said, Let there be light: and there was light.

4 And God saw the light, that it was good: and God divided the light from the darkness.

5 And God called the light Day, and the darkness [they] called Night. And the evening and the morning were the first day.

Where there was nothing, our Heavenly Parents brought light.

Next, they created a planet, then land, and then plants, seasons, fish and fowl, cattle and creeping things, and last of all they created male and female in their own image and blessed them and taught them and saw that it was very good.

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Genesis 2

1 Thus the heavens and the earth were finished, and all the host of them.

2 And on the seventh day God ended [their] work which [they] had made; and [they] rested on the seventh day from all [their] work which [they] had made.

3 And God blessed the seventh day, and sanctified it: because that in it [they] had rested from all [their] work which God created and made.

If it makes sense for your class, keep track of some responses on the board. Make sure to keep the discussion inclusive and welcoming. The goal of these questions is absolutely not to be judgemental, but to create individual reflection, and (if possible) to give people a chance to discuss what is difficult about the sabbath, and come to a place of peace and acceptance with how sabbath day worship works for them.

What clues does this give us about what a sabbath means or what God intends its purpose to be? Is every sabbath a day to remember the creation story? Why would we need to think about that every week?

We tend to think of the “days” listed in this creation story as being periods of time. They’re not bound by the earth rotating around the sun, but by specific goals or tasks. God decided when the day was done, and was good. Do you think our Heavenly Parents intend us to have one sabbath every literal week? Why or why not?

Eden is not really a community – it’s barely an ecosystem, everything is in a kind of stasis until Eve discovers the tree of the knowledge of good and evil and sees that it is good. In this kind of existence, every day can be a kind of sabbath. Nothing needs to get done as a matter of urgency. There is no death, so there is no need to sustain life.

That’s very different from the world that we live in now. We need hospitals and police every day. We need restaurants and hotels and petrol stations. Does that mean that it makes no sense to have a sabbath? Does it maybe mean that our sabbath doesn’t have to be on a Sunday?

But if our sabbath isn’t necessarily the same as everyone else’s, how do we know who’s being wicked? Or, more seriously, how do we know who needs support?

And when we’re in middle of supporting life on Sundays (and every day), is the sabbath not really supposed to be a part of our lives – or at least, not the resting part of it? Adam and Eve didn’t have to get themselves and their children dressed and ready for church. Curling irons didn’t even exist. Are we breaking the sabbath by bringing our families to church?

What is the value in coming to the same building together every Sunday? What can we do if we’re not finding that value? How can we help others find that value?

If your class hasn’t already, talk about how taking the sacrament reminds us of our baptismal ordinances.

Just like the purpose of the earth being created was not for it to stay pristine and unmarred, but to support life, our baptism wasn’t designed to be the beginning of us never making mistakes again. And especially not by shutting ourselves off from the risk of failure. We can take time on the sabbath, and particularly during the sacrament, to remember that our Heavenly Parents designed everything for us to experience joy. Isn’t that kind of amazing? Appreciating their works and committing to live a like of joy is a way to worship on the sabbath – and doing what we can to bring joy to others allows us to be more like our Heavenly Parents.

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Something like 26 generations later, Moses (with no small help from his mother Jochebed, his sister Miriam, his brother Aaron, his adopted mother Bithiah, and of course divine intervention) brings the Israelites out of captivity to wander in the desert for 40 years. They weren’t super grateful, and they needed a lot of reminding that God was looking out for them.

When they didn’t have any source of food, God provided manna from the heavens. If a class member recalls the details, have them explain that everyone could gather just enough each day for their household’s needs, except on the day before the sabbath. Those who tried to gather extra on other days found their manna full of worms, but the manna saved for the sabbath stayed whole and fresh, and no more manna appeared on the seventh day. You may choose to read parts of Exodus 16:14-27 with the class.

Let’s just take a second to imagine from our Heavenly Parents’ point of view here. The commandment to rest is so important that God changed the laws of nature to allow these people to take a day off from their normal schedules. That seems kind of like a mighty work to me.

How much is it appreciated by the Israelites? Why should they appreciate it more? Does it in some ways make their lives more difficult?

Later, when they come to the land of their inheritance, God specifically connects their sabbath observance to this experience.

Deuteronomy 5

15 And remember that thou wast a servant in the land of Egypt, and that the Lord thy God brought thee out thence through a mighty hand and by a stretched out arm: therefore the Lord thy God commanded thee to keep the sabbath day.

Why? How is the sabbath day related to the exodus? Is it any deeper than “I fed you to show it’s important to me, please observe the sabbath”? Does God care if we do or don’t connect these events today? Could it make our sabbath more meaningful, or is this ancient history?

If the class doesn’t draw a connection, point out the parallels between the Israelites escaping servitude and coming to the promised land and our Heavenly Parents forgiving us, and the freedom from sin/bondage available to us through the atonement and grace of Christ.

Let’s fast forward just a little bit.

[image error]John 20

1 The first day of the week cometh Mary Magdalene early, when it was yet dark, unto the sepulchre, and seeth the stone taken away from the sepulchre.

2 Then she runneth, and cometh to Simon Peter, and to the other disciple, whom Jesus loved, and saith unto them, They have taken away the Lord out of the sepulchre, and we know not where they have laid him.

What’s happening in this scripture?

If the class doesn’t, use your own words to describe the crucifixion and burial of the Saviour, and explain that Mary was the first witness of the Resurrection. Read together or describe what happens in verses 3-23.

This is Easter. This is basically the holiest series of events in our religion. This is why we observe our sabbath when we do – because Jesus rose on Sunday. We connect Easter with the sabbath by singing hymns about the atonement before we partake of the sacrament. We are pretty good at applying the atonement to our own lives – normalising it, making it an intimate part of our lives. We practice that a lot, and it is important.

Why might it be useful or important to kind of do the reverse of that, and treat the atonement and resurrection as a mighty work of God, like the creation or exodus? Are these events connected?

How can that emotional space of worship or adoration help us observe the sabbath? What might be different in our lives by spending time thinking about the greatness of God and feeling awe towards our Saviour and Heavenly Parents?

Do we experience these kinds of grand, mighty, magnificent works in our own lives, or is this more of a once-in-2000-years thing that becomes part of our culture and religion because its scope is so large? Is it presumptuous of us to hope for these things? Is it faith-building to look for and keep records of them?

In your own words, encourage your class to do more of the things that they know are successful ways for them to observe the sabbath day, and maybe to try something new and see how that works out for them. Express appreciation for their comments. Bear your testimony of God’s love for us, and the potential for sabbath day observance to bring us closer to our Heavenly Parents and who they want us to become.

The Pre-teen Girl’s Guide to being in Public

On the heels of #metoo and watching my oldest grow up, I’ve been trying to figure out how to help my daughter to have the tools for growing up and becoming a woman in public. I want her to grow into a smart adult who can navigate the world and I’m trying to give her those opportunities, but I also want to protect her from the harassment she’ll inevitably encounter.

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Photo by Alper Çuğun, used under the CC BY 2.0 license, no changes made.

This past year we let her take the bus on her own for the first time. I was there at the bus stop where she got on and my husband was at the bus stop where she got off, but she did the ride on her own. She’s also walked to the store with her friends and run errands. She bikes to and from school on her own, or with her brother. I’ve looked for guides or listicles online for helping pre-teens be safe while they travel through the world on their own, but couldn’t find any. I received one suggestion from someone to read Protecting the Gift by Gavin de Becker and while somewhat helpful, still wasn’t quite what I was looking for. But taking ideas from there and my own experience, here’s a listicle for you.

Travel in groups when you can. A kid in a group is less likely to singled out for unwanted remarks or attention.
On the bus, sit near the driver. I know it’s fun to sit in the back, but if you’re on your own, sit where more eyes can see you. If you are worried about missing your stop, let the driver know where you want to get off so if you forget to pull the “stop requested” cable, you’ll still get to where you need to be.
Except for #2 above, don’t tell people where you are headed. Don’t accept offers for rides home. It is ok to ask for directions- you can ask a bus driver if their bus route goes where you are headed.
If you need directions or assistance, statistically the best person to talk to is a woman.
Know how to read a transit map and timetable. Where we live, the BART is the main commuter train and the map is posted in all the stations and in all the trains.
If someone shouts at you to get your attention, you don’t have to give it to them. You don’t have to talk to anyone you don’t want to. You don’t have to sit next to anyone you don’t want to. You can get up and change seats and don’t worry about upsetting them. You can also say, “Don’t talk to me” directly. If they don’t respect that, get away, it is a bad sign.
If someone touches you, be direct with, “Don’t touch me.” Find a bus driver, or a family, or a woman to help you report it.
Know what bus line will get you home if you get off the train at the wrong station. We practice, “If you get off at the 12th St staton, which bus route will get you home?” “What if you get off at MacArthur?” When we are biking around I also ask, “What street are we on? Which bus route is closest to getting you home from here?” “If you weren’t on a bike, how would you get home?”
“No” is a complete sentence.
If a man shows you his penis, tell the bus driver. If you are on BART and the driver isn’t in the same car as you, shout loudly, “This man has his penis out!” and walk to another train car or find a family to be near. Men do this because they expect people around to be quiet. Don’t be quiet.
Listen to your gut. If you feel like you need to get off a bus or get away from someone, do it. You don’t have to apologize.

This isn’t the conversation I want to have with my daughter, but it is the conversation I need to have. This is not inclusive at all. If you have additions you’d like to make, please add them in the comments.

If you’re interested in the book, Protecting the Gift, it is highly recommended from so many people I know. It’s a hard read and there are descriptions of child abuse and other harm to children, so be kind to yourself when deciding to read this. You can get it here:

Protecting the Gift: Keeping Children and Teenagers Safe (and Parents Sane)

Relief Society Lesson Plan “Be Ye Therefore Perfect — Eventually” by Jeffrey Holland

First off, let me say that this is an important topic and a great talk.

Elder Holland begins by saying that sometimes, for some people, the Lord’s commandment to “Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father … in heaven is perfect,” can be intimidating or even paralyzing.

Around the Church I hear many who struggle with this issue: “I am just not good enough.” “I fall so far short.” “I will never measure up.” I hear this from teenagers. I hear it from missionaries. I hear it from new converts. I hear it from lifelong members. One insightful Latter-day Saint, Sister Darla Isackson, has observed that Satan has somehow managed to make covenants and commandments seem like curses and condemnations. For some he has turned the ideals and inspiration of the gospel into self-loathing and misery-making.

Have any of you experienced this feeling of not measuring up, not being enough or have known other LDS people who have? Raise your hands if you’re familiar with these feelings.

I’ll never forget my husband telling me once about a couple in our ward. The man, Jim, was teaching Elders Quorum and mentioned that his good kind wife Julie felt like she just wasn’t going to make it to the Celestial Kingdom. Jim was baffled — he himself was confident he would make it — after all, he did his home teaching nearly every month. When my husband told me this story — especially the part about the home teaching –we chuckled. The confidence!The irony!  While Jim was, I’m sure, a good enough guy and a serious rule-stickler, Julie had the reputation of being an absolute saint, always ready to reach out and help wherever it was needed. We both wished that we could somehow assure Julie that she was terrific, awesome, and seriously, she had nothing to worry about. From a distance,, we could see how wonderful Julie was. But Julie herself felt like she wasn’t measuring up.

Elder Holland connects these feelings particularly to scriptural injunctions to be perfect. Can you think of other reasons why people (often women, in my experience) feel like they just aren’t good enough?

How have you (or they) dealt with these feelings? What words of advice would you give your younger self, or perhaps a beloved friend, dealing with feelings of not being good enough? 

 

Elder Holland has advice for those who suffer and stress over not being good enough, saying “I would hope we could pursue personal improvement in a way that doesn’t include getting ulcers or anorexia, feeling depressed or demolishing our self-esteem. That is not what the Lord wants for Primary children or anyone else who honestly sings, ‘I’m trying to be like Jesus.’”

Elder Holland recommends keeping in mind that:

a) perfection is not something that can be achieved in this world. (This is a good point. But if that’s the case, What type of perfection should you be seeking in this life? what kind of perfection ought you to be beholding yourself to?)

b) we can only find perfection through Christ’s grace — which we can never earn. It’s a gift. He says, “Our only hope for true perfection is in receiving it as a gift from heaven—we can’t “earn” it. Thus, the grace of Christ offers us not only salvation from sorrow and sin and death but also salvation from our own persistent self-criticism.”

To illustrate this point, Holland recounted a parable of Christ about a servant whose king forgave him a debt of 10,000 talents (an astronomical, almost unimaginable sum). This same servant turned around and would not forgive the debt of a fellow servant who owed him 100 pence. The king was upset that the servant had not treated another with compassion over this small debt, when he himself had forgiven the servant a fortune.

Holland’s punchline:

Jesus uses an unfathomable measurement here because His Atonement is an unfathomable gift given at an incomprehensible cost. That, it seems to me, is at least part of the meaning behind Jesus’s charge to be perfect. We may not be able to demonstrate yet the 10,000-talent perfection the Father and the Son have achieved, but it is not too much for Them to ask us to be a little more godlike in little things, that we speak and act, love and forgive, repent and improve at least at the 100-pence level of perfection, which it is clearly within our ability to do.

In other words, Holland advises us to be compassionate with ourselves. Yes, try to improve, try to be kind, try to forgive and repent, but God doesn’t expect the kind of perfection that God and Christ embody. Don’t have unrealistic expectations for ourselves and others. If you’re honestly trying to walk a good and righteous path, then that is enough. He says, “If we persevere, then somewhere in eternity our refinement will be finished and complete—which is the New Testament meaning of perfection.” 

Do any of you have any anecdotes from your own life about falling short and coming to terms with that? About learning perspective, patience, and compassion toward yourself or others who are not perfect?

I’ve personally had to learn self-compassion and patience towards myself. About 8 years ago I had the epiphany that I needed to become a vegetarian. It wasn’t a welcome realization, but it was the strongest moment in my life where I felt that I needed to utterly change my life. In religious language, I felt it was a moment where God was clearly calling me to change. It was awful and depressing. The first time I went to Whole Foods and came back with almond milk and fake bacon I cried as I carried the groceries in.  Those first 5 years I fell off the wagon many times and even abandoned the wagon for a couple of years in there. But two years ago I buckled down and have made great strides. I still eat fish so I’m not a true vegetarian, and every 3 or 4 months I take a bite of chicken, but that’s still a major stride forward. I’ve learned to be patient with myself and not beat myself up too much for not being 100%. I tell people I’m on the 20 year plan toward vegetarianism (or if I shoot for the moon, veganism), and honestly, I think God must be seriously impressed with me. Rather than being disappointed when I fall short on this, I figure my Heavenly Parents are pretty pleased and astounded that I have done this well.

What do you think God’s attitude or feeling is to you when you make mistakes? Angry? Disappointed? Philosophical?

For me, the idea of God as loving, patient parents is helpful to me. I doubt my Heavenly Parents are expecting perfection at this stage, just as I don’t expect perfection from my kids. Sometimes my kids make pretty big mistakes, but as long as they learn from them, say they are sorry, pick themselves up and try to be more kind, it’s ok.  I figure that’s God’s attitude toward us.

How do we strike the right balance between not berating ourselves for messing up sometimes and also holding ourselves to a high standard? What are realistic standards for yourself or others? What are the overriding principles/attributes you hope to cultivate in yourselves? Why do you think those ones are so important? 

My overriding principles are concern, compassion, and justice. If I can do a decent job of living up to those principles, I’ll be pretty happy with myself at the end of my life. I think those are the qualities I associate most with Jesus.

Last thoughts: I like to think of Jesus’s words to us in the New Testament. “Love others as you love yourself.” In that short phrase I see an injunction to love myself. I am to love myself as I love others. Part of that, I think, is to not beat myself up for my shortcomings and failures. It’s to not get down on myself because I’m not ______ enough. Part of loving myself is to have patience with myself and realize that I’m in process.  I’m experiencing things, I’m messing up, but I’m learning. And that’s the point.

As always, the inimitable Chieko Okazaki has wise words for us on this topic. She, I think, makes great points about the importance of doing, acting, moving forward, even if that forward movement inevitably leads to missteps. After all, good and important things can arise out of  messiness and failure.

Let me remind you of another great kitchen proverb: “You can’t make an omelette without breaking eggs.” To me, that proverb gives us permission to take a chance, to risk a little, to make a mistake. Sometimes we want so badly to do everything just right that our desire for perfection paralyzes us. Well, if we’re not moving, we can’t get closer to our goal. I don’t think that the Lord is hovering over us just waiting to pounce on us if we make a mistake. Instead, I think he’s behind us, giving us a gentle nudge and saying, “Take one step. That’s good. Now take another.”

 

 

 

 

Three Sisters, by Dieter F. Uchtdorf

This is one of my favorite talks. I always enjoy Elder Uchtdorf’s talks the most, because he can unravel complex things in a way that’s simple and makes sense. It’s very helpful that he always uses a story to apply the lesson to the audience.

Elder Uchtdorf gives the story of the three sisters. The three sisters represent all of us. We all have some of each emotion in us (sad, mad, glad), and we can improve ourselves and become more like the glad sister. I’ve organized this lesson plan in a way that encourages discussion among members. I’ve provided quotes, discussion questions, and a few examples from the scriptures.

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Retrieved from lds.org

Discussion in groups

Divide the class into three groups. Give each group a quote about one of the sisters to read and discuss together. After the discussion, have a spokesperson from each group present the findings to the class.

Group 1: Sad sister- the victim

Quote 1:

“The first sister saw herself as a victim—as someone who was acted upon.1 It seemed like one thing after another kept happening to her that made her miserable. With this approach to life, she was giving others control over how she felt and behaved. When we do this, we are driven about by every wind of opinion—and in this day of ever-present social media, those winds blow at hurricane intensity.”

Discussion questions:

How did her sadness affect her outlook on life?

Why did she consider herself a victim?

How did she give others control over how she felt and acted?

Quote 2:

“What is the opposite of hope? Despair, of course, but despair comes when we feel powerless to influence events and when the sources of meaning in our life disappear. Despair is a kind of disorientation so profound that we lose contact with the sources of life itself.  To choose hope is to choose life. To choose hope is to choose love.”

-Chieko Okazaki (“Raised in Hope,” October 1996 General Conference)

What can the sad sister do to find hope?

Group 2: Mad sister- the hater

Ideas of things to discuss:

Why does the mad sister blame others?

How does her anger affect her outlook?

Have you ever felt like you weren’t enough? How does comparing yourself to others affect you?

What can we do to stop comparing ourselves to others? How can we better accept ourselves the way we are?

There is plenty that can be discussed in the part about the mad sister, but I decided to focus on intentions and assumptions.

Quote 1:

“She didn’t think of herself as a mean person. To the contrary, she felt that she was only sticking up for herself. Everyone else, she believed, was motivated by selfishness, pettiness, and hate. She, on the other hand, was motivated by good intentions—justice, integrity, and love.”

Example:

“Unfortunately, the mad sister’s line of thinking is all too common. This was noted in a recent study that explored conflict between rival groups. As part of the study, researchers interviewed Palestinians and Israelis in the Middle East, and Republicans and Democrats in the United States. They discovered that “each side felt their own group [was] motivated by love more than hate, but when asked why their rival group [was] involved in the conflict, [they] pointed to hate as [the other] group’s motivating factor.”

“When someone opposes or disagrees with us, it’s tempting to assume that there must be something wrong with them. And from there it’s a small step to attach the worst of motives to their words and actions.”

Discussion question:

How do we keep ourselves from assuming other people’s motivations, especially those who disagree with us?

Quote 2:

“Yes, you have a choice. The Lord has given you control of your life by giving you a choice. Let me repeat that. The Lord has given you control of your life. I’m not saying that nothing bad will ever happen to you. You will not always be able to control what others may say or do, but you can control how you will react to them. Temptation, illness, accidents, and tragedy are part of this life. There will be some tough days in your lives—very tough days. But when you follow God’s plan, you can know what to do, and that’s when you are in control. You can decide whether or not you are going to be happy by making choices that will lead you close to your Heavenly Father and away from Satan. You can decide what you will say and do.”

–Michaelene P. Grassli, Primary General President “I Will Follow God’s Plan for Me,” October 1988 General Conference

What can the mad sister do to find happiness?

Group 3: Glad sister- the disciple

Quote 1:

“Then there was the third sister. Unlike her sad and mad sisters, she was—well, glad. And it wasn’t because she was smarter or more beautiful or more capable than her sisters. No, people sometimes avoided or ignored her too. They sometimes made fun of what she was wearing or the things she was saying. They sometimes said mean things about her. But she did not allow any of that to bother her too much.”

“She lived joyfully not because her circumstances were joyful but because she was joyful.”

Discussion questions:

How can we be happy despite our circumstances? Do you think that those who have better circumstances are always happier? Why or why not?

Quote 2:

“It will not be easy. It will require the very best that you have—all your intelligence, creativity, faith, integrity, strength, determination, and love.”

“There may be many things about life that are beyond your control. But in the end, you have the power to choose both your destination and many of your experiences along the way. It is not so much your abilities but your choices that make the difference in life.”

Question:

How do you maintain happiness when things are out of your control?

Examples

I recommend using examples from our present day, but if not, you can use examples of women from the scriptures, such as Sariah or Ruth.

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Retrieved from lds.org

Sariah

“Sariah, the wife of Lehi, had the wrenching experience of leaving their home and their possessions to travel in the wilderness. We are not told of the trials she may have experienced; but going on foot, living in tents, and cooking over an open fire could have been devastating after their comfortable life in Jerusalem. We do read of her anguished waiting when she feared her beloved sons had perished in their return to obtain the plates. (See 1 Ne. 5:2.) But in spite of troubles, she did love and serve her family. With the return of her sons, she knew of a certainty that the Lord had commanded her husband to flee into the wilderness, and in their safe return she found the assurance that the Lord was with them. (See 1 Ne. 5:8.) Their circumstances did not change; they still slept in tents. But she had joy and comfort in the knowledge that the Lord was guiding them. In that light she could carry on and meet further difficulties as they came.”

-Barbara B. Smith “Application of Welfare Principles in the Home: A Key to Many Family Problems”

Ruth

“Ruth was compassionate, even though the circumstances of her life were bitter. Bitter experiences come into the lives of all of us. Without the bitter, we cannot know the sweet…

“Ruth knew this opposition. She was just a young woman when her husband died and left her alone without child. It was a bitter time, and yet there was the sweetness of her relationship with her mother-in-law and the strength of her faith in the God of Israel. Both had come into her life because of her marriage.

“Ruth gleaned from the fields to sustain herself and Naomi. But more than what she gleaned from the fields were the experiences that came as she worked to thresh out the wheat from the chaff. At the end of her day she had great blessings because of her effort. This is the challenge we all face in our own lives. We too must glean from life’s circumstances and experiences that which will give us growth and faith and peace of mind.”

Barbara B. Smith “ The Bond of Charity ”

Discussion Question:

All of us feel sad, angry, or happy at times. What’s the difference between just feeling sad/mad or being the sad/mad sister?

Quote:

“Are we expected to be cheerful as we do our daily work? Well, maybe not every minute of every day. Certainly we are sad and even angry at times. But we can make a decision to refrain from wallowing in our sadness or anger.”

Virginia H. Pearce, First Counselor, Young Women General Presidency

“ Keep Walking, and Give Time a Chance ,” April 1997 General Conference

 

 

Additional quotes:

If there is more time, you can have someone read one or more of the following quotes and then discuss it as a group.

“God’s plan is a plan of ultimate joy for each of us. His principles suffice in any situation. But each one of us, young and old, must rise to her challenges in her own way. Each one of us must reach for her own joy.”

Elaine A. Cannon, “ Reach for Joy ,”

“…Difficulties have the potential to bleach the bones of faith and exhaust the strength of individuals and families. One of the Lord’s purposes in organizing the sisters into a discipleship was to provide relief that would lift them above ‘all that hinders the joy and progress of woman.’ ”

Julie B. Beck, “ What I Hope My Granddaughters (and Grandsons) Understand about Relief Society ,”

“It does not take much living to find out that life almost never turns out the way you planned it. Adversity and affliction come to everyone. Do you know anyone who would not like to change something about themselves or their circumstances? And yet I am sure you know many who go forward with faith. You are drawn to those people, inspired by them, and even strengthened by their examples.”

Mary Ellen Smoot, “ Developing Inner Strength ”

 

Abiding in God and Repairing the Breach By Neill F. Marriott Lesson Plan

On LDS.org, the lesson prompt for Sister Marriott’s talk, Abiding in God and Repairing the Breach states,

“This message can help members who may feel separated from Heavenly Father or from those around them. What would help those you teach understand what a breach is? Maybe you could bring pictures of different kinds of breaches. How does Sister Marriott define breach? What can cause breaches in our relationships with God and others? Invite members to search Sister Marriott’s message for suggestions about what we can do to repair breaches in our lives. Give members time to write down what the Spirit prompts them to do to draw closer to God and others.”

For this lesson, I’m going to pull out quotes from the talk that I really liked and connect them with a scripture story or church leader quote with some questions.

Lasting Matters

“Sisters, what matters to you? What is lasting to you? A matter of lasting value to the Father is that we learn of Him, humble ourselves, and grow in obedience to Him through earthly experiences. He wants us to change our selfishness into service, our fears into faith. These lasting matters can test us to our core.”

This quote reminds me of the story of the rich young man in Mar

k 10:

Then Jesus beholding him loved him, and said unto him, One thing thou lackest: go thy way, sell whatsoever thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven: and come, take up the cross, and follow me.

And he was sad at that saying, and went away grieved: for he had great possessions.

In this story, the young rich man is asked to “turn his selfishness into service” and his “fears into faith” but he cannot. Have there been times in which you’ve had to use faith over fear? Serve over selfishness? 

Personal Agendas

Sacrifice of our personal agendas is required to make room for the eternal plans of God. The Savior, who speaks for the Father, pleads with us, “Draw near unto me and I will draw near unto you.”

I think one of the prime scriptural examples of this is Saul, who became Paul by forsaking his previous agenda of discouraging people from following Christ to being a missionary for the gospel. Another wonderful example is that of Mary, who probably had no plans to become of the mother of the savior, but accepts the plan that God has for her.

What personal agendas do we have that get in the way of God’s plans? How do we become humble enough to put those aside?

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Photo by Lawrence OP. Used according to the CC BY-NC-ND 2.0

 

Healing Relationships

Near the end of her talk Sister Marriott shares a story about repairing a relationship that had been broken over political differences. I recommend reading it all with the class, but to save space, I’ll quote only the end here,

Over time the gap between us sweetly closed. But even if she had not accepted my changed heart, I had learned that Heavenly Father will help us love even those we may think are unlovable, if we plead for His aid.

I wanted to pick this quote out because it reminded me of a time when I went to apologize and repair a relationship with a family member. After my apology, I was met with the comment, “It’s about time.” It hurt to feel like my humility was returned with bitterness, but that is also not something I could control. Sometimes we need to apologize even if we won’t receive forgiveness.

As far as a scripture-based story, the story of Joseph being sold into Egypt by his brothers and then many years later helping his family to get through a famine.

Related, earlier in her talk, Sister Marriott asks,

It is now, with our mortal limitations, that the Father asks us to love when loving is most difficult, to serve when serving is inconvenient, to forgive when forgiving is soul stretching. How? How will we do it?

I know with our eternal families and belief in an afterlife it can seem like we have all of eternity to work on our relationships, and in some ways we do, but that does not negate the effort we need to put in now.

How have you worked toward repairing a relationship in your life?

Sister Aileen Clyde Curtis stated in the April 1995 General Conference,

The love Christ commands requires a mighty change and great humility. It requires us to forsake pride and to be stripped of envy. It requires that we neither mock our sisters and brothers nor persecute anyone. Christ knew that for us to find any of those characteristics in ourselves would be onerous and would demand our great effort just to look. He said, “If thy hand or thy foot offend thee, cut them off, and cast them from thee” (Matt. 18:8). He was not suggesting our mutilation, but rather showing his awareness of how painful clearing ourselves of such offenses could be. When we have made the changes that only we can make, then, by the atoning blood of Christ, we may receive the forgiveness that only he can bring.

Other Lesson Plans about building and repairing relationships and humility:

March YW Lesson: How Can Repentance Help Me Every Day?
Relief Society Lesson 10 Nurturing the Eternal Partnership of Marriage
Lesson 24: Following the Example of Christ

It’s Time to Subscribe to Exponent II!

[image error]The following is the letter from the editor for the Winter 2018 issue of Exponent II. This issue was our annual writing contest and the contest theme was spiritual foremothers. If you would like to receive a paper copy of this issue (and you really do–the artwork in this issue is jaw-dropping), you need to subscribe here by January 20. The cover art is “Divine Feminine” by Aerin Collett. 

Whoever develops the algorithms for internet advertising knows that I am a total sucker for anything that will teach my daughter about the powerful, smart, creative, brave women who went before her. Show me anything that teaches about Marie Curie, Sojourner Truth, Frida Kahlo, and Ruth Bader Ginsberg and I will basically beg you to take my money. At my daughter’s last birthday, as she opened Exponent II’s Illuminating Ladies coloring book (available at www.exponentii.org/shop), Good Night Stories for Rebel Girls, and a pack of Ashley Mae Hoiland’s We Brave Women cards, my father-in-law laughed, “Looks like Margaret picked out the presents this year.” Yep. The truth is, I feel almost a frantic need for my daughter to know about these women.

Exponent II subscribes to the idea that knowing history and keeping a record of women is crucial. It’s a big part of the reason that we continue to publish a magazine in print: we want there to be a lasting record of what Mormon women were thinking and experiencing during these times. We also look back to the authors and editors of The Woman’s Exponent for guidance and inspiration as we write and publish. Through the magazine and the retreat, women connect to the Exponent II founding mothers. Our organization has a strong sense of the importance of history and legacy.

It was that sense of legacy and inheritance that brought Pandora and me to the idea of doing our annual essay competition on the theme of spiritual foremothers. While we all heirs to the work and words of the women who have gone before us, too often those women’s stories go untold. They are marginalized to the sidebars of history textbooks, thought of as peripheral to the narrative, or reduced to caricatures of a stereotyped female: the mother, the starlet, the wife, possibly the altruist. We wanted to bring those ignored or reduced women into the spotlight, showing off their complexity and strength through telling the stories of how they have affected women today. We wanted to hear about spiritual foremothers who came in the form of family members, mentors, women from scripture, fictional characters, or history. We asked the question: How have these women changed your life?

The pages of this issue hold the stories of a professor, a mother, an accused witch, a poet, a midwife, a grandmother, a cartoon character, an awakening feminist and more. Just as importantly, they hold the stories of how those women affected the women writing today. “Irene” weaves together the story of a Mormon midwife who perished on the Titanic with a modern-day miscarriage; “What It Is to Be a Witch” tells of how a woman who was killed in the Salem witch trials inspired her ninth great-granddaughter to live a life of courage. In “The Things We Have Not Said,” Kayla Roundy looks at a painful family relationship and how the conversations that do not happen can be just as influential as those that do. We feature the art of Megan Knobloch Geilman, who has reimagined famous works of art as women from Mormon history and scripture. Her series “Works of Translation” reminds us that telling the stories of our foremothers allows them to live again in a new way. The winner of this year’s essay contest, Rachel Rueckert, writes in “Wonder Women” about how a simple costume helped get her through one of the hardest times of her life, and how a graphic novel character exposes our yearnings for the feminine divine.

This issue’s cover, Divine Feminine by Aerin Collett, reminds us of the powerful women from history and of the women we can become. The rooster on her shoulder is a symbol of honesty, fidelity, and bossiness (an adjective that seems to be uniquely applied to commanding women). The swan is a token of grace and beauty. And the dragon wrapped around the woman stands for power, strength, and luck for those who are worthy. The goddess seems ready to partake from the tree of knowledge, but she also is that tree–both good and evil, a complex and nuanced woman who is capable of greatness.   

We all stand on the shoulders of women who have gone before us. Some of them have been forgotten by history. Some are just beginning to be recognized for the labor they have done. If we want our children to benefit from the work and wisdom of our foremothers, we need to tell their stories. We need to search for traces of them in our own lives, to track what we have inherited and give credit where it is due. Without that work, we quickly begin to take for granted what was once hard-won. We return to the beginning of discussions and issues again and again, unaware of the conversations that have already happened. And we lose the gift of anchoring our lives to those who stand ready to stand as guideposts as we navigate the questions, doubts, and problems that face us.

May our hearts be turned to the mothers.

To subscribe to Exponent II, go here.