Exponent II's Blog, page 264

March YW Lesson: Why do I need to forgive others?

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In the spirit of our International Women’s Day series and Mormonism’s #metoo movement (#Mormonmetoo), this March Young Women lesson on forgiveness works to help young women identify what engaging in a process of forgiveness may be like when they or someone they know has experienced abuse or assault.

Start the lesson by asking the class what comes to mind when they think of the word “forgiveness.”

Write their answers on the board.

Throughout the lesson refer to their answers from the board to determine together whether their initial associations to “forgiveness” square with what they are learning in the lesson.

It’s likely that the word “forget” or “forgetting” came up during this exercise. Explain that while in the scriptures the Lord says He will “remember [our] sins no more” when we repent (D&C 58:42), that it is not humanly possible nor required of us as human beings to forget or trust someone who has harmed us. Forgiving is not forgetting for important reasons, nor does it require not holding someone accountable for their behavior. But working toward forgiveness of others in safe circumstances can be a valuable process.

Strongly emphasize that not every hurt or offense is healthy or wise to “forgive.”

For instance, if someone is abused by a parent or an intimate partner, it may be impossible or ill-advised to require oneself to forgive that person and remain in relationship with them. There are many reasons for this, which include protecting yourself or those you love from a perpetrator, or to preserve your physical, emotional, spiritual, and/or mental health. Tell the class that anger is an emotion that helps us separate. And that they should give space for their anger if they experience abuse or assault in any form for as long as they need to help keep themselves and others they may be responsible for safe.

Next I would tell this story:

A mother was talking to her elementary-school-aged daughter about her grandparents when the daughter asked why their family didn’t visit with or web cam with a particular grandfather as they did with her other grandparents. The mother explained that while she loves this grandfather very much, that “Grandpa is unable to treat others appropriately enough for us to be close to him. He doesn’t want to hurt people he loves, but he does. And as your mother it’s my responsibility to protect you from those who I know would hurt you.” The mother then explained to her daughter that we can hold love in our hearts for people while choosing to not interact with them to keep ourselves safe from those who would do us harm.

Ask the young women what they think about this story. Ask them if they think the mother in this story is forgiving of the grandfather. Why or why not?

Ask them if they have experienced being hurt by someone enough to need to separate themselves from them, or to consider separating themselves from them.

Then ask them if they feel comfortable sharing their experience and what considering forgiveness has been like for them in those cases.

If an experience is shared that may be traumatizing for members of the class to hear, tell the young woman how important it was for her to share it and tell her you want to talk to her more about it after class. And then be sure to follow up with her.

If you feel a member of the class is in need of immediate comfort given what she shared, follow the Spirit and your instincts in how best to respond so she feels heard, believed, and validated. And be sure to verbalize that the abuse or assault is not her fault and that she is not to blame for what happened to her. No matter what.

If the young woman reports that the abuse or assault is on-going, in a private conversation after class inquire about her level of safety and if there is an adult she trusts in her life that she feels comfortable talking to who could help her. If the abuse is physical or sexual in nature and is being perpetrated by a parent or guardian, all states in the U.S. have a child services department that you can contact and make a report, even anonymously, and the state is required to investigate the report and determine whether the child is safe to remain in the home. You may also consider reporting the abuse or assault to the police, if you feel the young woman has not already done so and is not safe, or if the perpetrator is likely to harm others. If you do any of the above, if possible it is best to first get the consent of the young woman before contacting government authorities. 

Forgiveness is multi-faceted and is not something perpetrators of abuse or assault will be given by God without their repentance.

The lesson manual points out a nuance to forgiveness: whereas we are commanded in the scriptures to forgive everyone (D&C 64:10), which includes ourselves, only God “can decide whether or not a person should be forgiven.” I think this means that God loves everyone unconditionally no matter what, but that God will still hold people accountable if they haven’t repented or changed their hurtful behavior.

Point out again that whereas we are asked to forgive all, that as Latter-day Saints we believe we can continue to grow and progress in the after-life, so that we need not require perfection of ourselves in achieving forgiveness in every case in this life. Remind the young women that their Heavenly Mother and Heavenly Father know their struggles and their pain. I would add that I believe that only our Heavenly Parents can judge us and that I believe their grace and mercy covers cases where our best efforts to let go of negative feelings did not achieve forgiveness in this life.

Tell the class clearly that if a crime has been committed against us, we are entitled to justice in a court of law. And that working to ensure that a perpetrator isn’t able to abuse or assault others by being put in prison can bring survivors of abuse and assault a measure of peace.  I would add that reporting a crime against us to the police is a personal decision and that we shouldn’t judge others or ourselves if we don’t. And that it’s never too late to report abuse/assault or to speak our truth, even if it doesn’t result in the outcome we would wish for. There is something called the court of public opinion and that making others aware of someone’s history of harming others if they are likely to reoffend may be an important part of our healing—no matter how many days, months, or years have passed since the abuse or crime was committed.

In the right circumstances, forgiveness offers a significant benefit to the one who has been hurt.

Working through our feelings of anger, resentment, and maybe even a desire for revenge is a process that often takes a lot of time in cases of abuse and assault. But our efforts to let go of feelings that are no longer constructive for us can help us avoid being held hostage by them so can move on with our lives.

Where possible, ultimately forgiveness can be a gift you give yourself.

 

At the Pulpit Available for Free Online

[image error]A jubilee for Mormon women!  

 

At the Pulpit: 185 Years of Discourses by Latter-day Saint Women is available online without cost.

 

Translations in Spanish and Portuguese of the entire book will be forthcoming in the Northern summer/ Southern Hemispheric  winter.

(hey! Don’t forget that the Exponent has content in Spanish and French!)

 

The is also available in the Gospel Library App!

 

 

Believe Women

Read this fantastic post over at By Common Consent.

“Every generation is told they are the “chosen generation”. But I firmly believe this is what we were chosen for. In order for Christ to come again, men and women must truly be equal, especially in His church. He is the perfect example of that. He treated men and women with respect. He didn’t place them on pedestals. He listened to them. He wept with them. And then He got to work.”

IWD Series 2018: So Now I am Sixty

Guest post by Deborah Squires-Coleman

[image error]My name is Debbie and I live in Essex, England.  I have been in love and married to my husband for 38 years.  He’s supportive of my passion for equality but admits he doesn’t always understand my need for such vocal advocacy.  He’s honest with me and I love him for that too.  We have 5 amazing children and 10 even more amazing grandchildren.  I am a Mormon. I love learning, I love my Church, I love life.  I love it all enough to see the need for change.

 

From always, from forever, from my very beginnings.  There was never a time when I was not aware.

 

I can see myself as a little one, listening as my mother talks of the physical abuse she received from the hands of her alcoholic father.  As I grew older, I became aware that this physical abuse was also sexual in nature. Details of horrors described to me as I grew to adulthood are seared into my mind, but they are not mine to divulge.   I remember the knowing looks and silences as my mother talked with her sisters in their circle of confidentiality, while we children played at their feet.  I won’t be silent.

 

Only slightly upsetting!!  I should have been horrified.  I should have been horrified enough to tell my parents.   A park should have been a safe space for a 13-year-old girl.  I shouldn’t have known a group of young men crowding around me. Pinning me to the floor and holding a knife to my throat while my friend was dragged into the bushes.   I shouldn’t have witnessed more knowing eyes and unspoken words as she came out with her blouse dishevelled and her breasts exposed.  I should have been more than slightly upset. I am not upset now.

 

I’m pinned again.  A middle-aged man standing opposite me on a train pushes against me and I can feel him. I can feel him hard against me.   I think I know what’s happening.  But I’m a good Mormon girl. 17 years old, timid, and not comfortable with the unkind thoughts I’m having about him.  So I politely push him away.  This train is crowded, and surely he can’t help it as he pushes back against me.  But he pushes harder this time and although I’m still unsure, I dare to think it’s deliberate. I push him back again and again, but he keeps coming forward, rubbing against me. I’m surrounded by people, but I’m too scared, too unsure to say anything.  He gets off at his stop.  This man who I will never know, but whom I will never forget.  I’m not timid anymore.

 

So now I am sixty.  And when you ask why I have such strong opinions about the rights of women or wonder why I question so much or show such discontent, perhaps this might explain it a little for you. Or perhaps it’s because I’m older and have more time to think, more time to observe more time to feel.  Or maybe it’s because I want better for my grandbabies.  Perhaps it’s all these things and more.

 

[image error]Don’t be tempted to put my experiences down as minor assaults.  This is what I did for many years, and I will not allow myself to think of them in this way anymore.  No assault on a young person is minor and no assault should be diminished nor dismissed.

 

I am sad for that silent, slightly upset, timid girl.   But I am no longer she.  Today I will shout, get angry and be bold in calling out all the inequalities I witness.

As I use my voice for change and support International Women’s Day.  I will

supportively call-out inappropriate behaviour
campaign for equality in meaningful ways
be a role model for equality
actively contribute to changing the status quo

You see,  I want my sons and grandsons to remember always that this is their fight too.  I want my daughters and grand-daughters to use their voice. And I want them to know something that I did not know: That every girl, every woman, every human– is entitled to be safe.

 

#PressforProgress

#MeToo

 

 

International Women’s Day Series 2018 Introduction

To celebrate International Women’s Day (IWD), we at the Exponent are sharing a short series dedicated to Mormon women and women throughout the world. The theme for IWD 2018 is #PressforProgress. From the IWD 2018 website:

 

“With the World Economic Forum’s 2017 Global Gender Gap Report findings telling us that gender parity is over 200 years away – there has never been a more important time to keep motivated and #PressforProgress. And with global activism for women’s equality fuelled by movements like #MeToo, #TimesUp and more – there is a strong global momentum striving for gender parity.

And while we know that gender parity won’t happen overnight, the good news is that across the world women are making positive gains day by day. Plus, there’s indeed a very strong and growing global movement of advocacy, activism and support.

So we can’t be complacent. Now, more than ever, there’s a strong call-to-action to press forward and progress gender parity. A strong call to #PressforProgress. A strong call to motivate and unite friends, colleagues and whole communities to think, act and be gender inclusive.

International Women’s Day is not country, group or organisation specific. The day belongs to all groups collectively everywhere. So together, let’s all be tenacious in accelerating gender parity. Collectively, let’s all Press for Progress.”

 

[image error]When I read this, I confess that a part of me felt defeated. 200 years away? 200 years before I can expect to be paid the same as a man? 200 years before my husband and I pay the same for a haircut?  200 years before I call a plumber and a woman shows up—because it is just as common for women to be carpenters, construction workers and plumbers, too?

 

But then I thought about the Euro. I remember talking about a united European currency 20 years before it happened. The nay-sayers said it was impossible—too much blood was still under the bridge between nations to share a currency. Lo and behold—it happened. Significantly sooner than some economics professionals had predicted. And the Euro—though not free from problems—has helped to economically unite nations that previously split hairs over half-pennies on the dollar.

 

So rather than thinking about the length of time…. I realised that progression is real. And maybe it is for me as much as it might be for my daughter’s grand-daughters.

 

Collectively, let’s all Press for Progress.

 

What a great phrase! As I mulled it over in my mind, I thought of Sharon Eubank’s talk from this past general conference, Turn on Your Light. (Our brilliant blogger Em has a great lesson outline for it here). The term “Collective” struck me when in the portion where Eubank shared a story of a woman and her husband who—rather than waiting for someone else to enact a rescue, organized a collective saving effort at a beach:

 

“Among the onlookers on the beach was Jessica Mae Simmons. Her husband had the idea to form a human chain. They shouted at people on the beach to help them, and dozens of people linked arms and marched into the ocean. Jessica wrote, “To see people from different races and genders come into action to help TOTAL strangers [was] absolutely amazing to see!!” An 80-person chain stretched toward the [distressed] swimmers….

“Once that human chain was stretching toward the swimmers, she knew she could help. Jessica Mae said, “I can hold my breath … and go around an Olympic pool with ease! [I knew how to get out of a rip current.] I knew I could get [each swimmer] to the human chain.”7 She and her husband grabbed boogie boards and swam down the chain until they and another rescuer reached the swimmers, and then they ferried them one by one back to the chain, who passed them to the safety of the beach. Jessica had a distinct skill: she knew how to swim against a rip current.”

 

Some of us have distinct skills in organizing efforts to progress women within the church, as detailed in the stories of women in the book Women at Church. Others are gifted at collective efforts in working to help refugees, progressing American suffrage, and organizing groups for equality such as LDS WAVE. As Mormon women, we have a history of pressing for progress. This makes me proud!

 

Further in this speech, Eubank quoted Spencer W. Kimball—noting that his talk that she quoted “was only the second time the women of the global Church had met in their own general meeting.” Progress! Having an official general women’s meeting is progress, no matter how small. In addition, Eubank was the first speaker at this past general conference. Having confirmed that the General Women’s Session is indeed a part of General Conference, the first speaker has the power of setting the tone for the entire conference. In considering this, with International Women’s Day, I loved this section of her speech:

 

“Innovation and creation are spiritual gifts. When we keep our covenants, it may make us different from others in our culture and society, but it gives us access to inspiration so we can think of different solutions, different approaches, and different applications. We aren’t always going to fit in with the world, but being different in positive ways can be a lifeline to others who are struggling.”

 

“We aren’t always going to fit in”- this phrase made me giggle a little. I don’t think I’ve ever felt like I “fit in” anywhere! But I think that my not “fitting in” has at times been a beacon – not being in a clique at church has made me a safe source for those who are struggling. They can talk to me without fear that I am going to spread information about their struggles to anyone else. I also try to be warm and loving to those who do not fit the LDS mould—the investigators with purple hair, then “less-actives” who smoke. But also not being in a clique in my community has been helpful- I have been invited to serve because people knew they could rely on me without prejudice. In these situations, I have been honoured to help, and been filled with the spirit as I did things that might have little or no thanks (but to be honest, I felt like the non-Mormons always were much more generous in expressing gratitude). Thus, I  joyfully own the fact that “Innovation and creation are spiritual gifts” that don’t rely on me “fitting in.”

 

To be fair, it has been my disappointed personal experience that the wards and branches where I have lived have not acknowledged IWD. I don’t think this is unusual, either because it falls so close to the anniversary of the establishment of the Relief Society, or because the male leaders in the Mormon congregations I attend are unaware of how important it is to recognise and celebrate the progression of women globally. But lest I feel sorry for myself, I am encouraged by the recommendation of the IWD 2018 organization:

 

“International Women’s Day belongs to all communities everywhere – governments, companies, charities, educational institutions, networks, associations, the media and more. Whether through a global conference, community gathering, classroom lesson or dinner table conversation – everyone can play a purposeful part in pressing for gender parity.”

 

The day yet belongs to me. No one can take it away. The day also belongs to you. No matter if you have a girls’ night out at a pub or restaurant (no judgement for Taco Bell—budgeting is real and powerful!), attend a formal lecture, make a donation to a women’s organization such as Mormon Women for Ethical Government with a global service focus, or even make a donation to our beloved Exponent blog and magazine that gifts the world with Relief Society, Young Women and Visiting Teaching lesson outlines in addition to being a safe place to share women’s voices. You might buy a copy of Women of Faith in the Latter Days, or better yet, a copy of At The Pulpit  or another book we are reviewing later as a part of this series.  You might also read and ponder any of the posts here at the Exponent, or have a quiet dinner at home while listening to only the women’s speakers at General Conference. The choices really are endless!

 

It is your day to celebrate women. It is a day when we rejoice in the progress we have made, and strive for better gender parity, setting the example for our daughters and granddaughters to not give up hope. Thus, I wish all within the Exponent community to have a wonderful day of peace and celebration for International Women’s Day. I also offer my earnest thanks to all who participate in progressing women and to all who celebrated IWD in various ways. I also whole-heartedly welcome you to savour this series with a warm heart.

 

Female friendship and felicitations!

#PressforProgress

Guest Post: My Articles of Faith

[image error]By Eleanor Rose

The Articles of Faith were originally written as a letter to a Chicago newspaper editor. After Joseph Smith’s death, enthusiastic saints found the document and voted to canonize it. I may not be qualified to write revelation for the whole church, but I can certainly write a letter to the editor, and I can express my current Personal Articles of Faith in a way that feels right to me:

Personal Articles of Faith

1. I believe in God the Eternal Father and Mother, and in Their Son, Jesus Christ, and in the Holy Ghost (who could possibly be Their Daughter, according to some scripture scholars).

2. I believe that people will be accountable for their own decisions in context, and not for the decisions of their ancestors or descendants. I also recognize that our decisions affect and influence other people.

3. I believe that through the Atonement of Christ, almost all of God’s children will ultimately be saved in a kingdom of glory. By obedience to the laws and ordinances of the gospel of Jesus Christ, I can enjoy eternal family relationships and strive for godliness.

4. I believe that the first principles and ordinances of Christ’s gospel are: 1) faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, 2) repentance, 3) baptism by immersion, and 4) receiving and acting upon the gift of the Holy Ghost.

5. I believe that in order for worthy people to officiate in the earthly ordinances of the gospel, they must be called and set apart by those with priesthood authority that can be traced back to God.

6. I believe in the organization that God has planned for this, the dispensation of the fulness of times, namely: families with parents as equal partners, councils, quorums, presidencies, prophets, apostles, disciples, teachers, witnesses, missionaries, volunteers, and so forth. I also believe that God wishes to invite all covenant sons and daughters to be intentionally engaged in priesthood-powered service.

7. I believe in the gifts of faith, hope, charity, discernment, prophecy, revelation, visions, ministering angels, healing, and all other spiritual gifts available to those who have received the gift of the Holy Ghost.

8. I believe the Bible to be inspired by God as far as it is written, compiled, transcribed, transmitted, translated, and interpreted correctly. I believe the Book of Mormon was inspired and brought forth by God, and that it was written especially for our dispensation. I believe we will receive additional sacred records that will give us further light and knowledge.

9. I believe all that God has revealed, all that They do now reveal, and I believe that They will yet reveal many great and important things pertaining to the Kingdom of God, as soon as we are prepared to receive them.

10. I believe in inviting and gathering God’s children to make covenants with Christ our Savior, and that as a church we should strive to create Zion in our hearts, homes, and communities by treating others with respect and compassion. I believe the prophecies concerning Christ’s second coming and His personal reign upon the earth, and that the earth will be renewed and receive her paradisiacal glory.

11. I claim the privilege of worshiping Almighty God according to the dictates of my own conscience, and allow all people the same privilege, let them worship how, where, or what they may.

12. I believe in obeying, honoring, and sustaining democratic laws that do not negate basic human rights. I feel a responsibility to resist or seek changes to laws that are in direct conflict with my understanding of God’s law.

13. I believe in being honest, true, chaste, benevolent, virtuous, and in doing good to all people. I rejoice in my blessings and hope to endure all my trials through faith and hope in Christ. I seek to fill my life with truth, wisdom, growth, beauty, courage, prayer, and charity.

14. Bonus Article: I do not believe in polygamy, male dominance, husbands presiding over wives, non-reciprocal marriage covenants, scriptural inerrancy, prophetic infallibility, idolatry, racism, sexism, unrighteous dominion, fear, and unquestioned loyalty to bureaucracy or tradition.

Eleanor Rose is a lifetime LDS Utah woman who dreams that someday the temple experience will feel perfect and empowering….the way her Heavenly Parents meant it to be.

Suffer the Children

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Article of Faith #2 has always been my favorite. Even with my recurring doubts that “men” really means “human beings” in this case. The obvious inequity in the reproductive zone aside, I clung to the comfort of not being responsible for anyone else’s sins. As a scrupulous Mormon teen, I was so glad that I wouldn’t be punished for my parent’s many sins. Personal accountability is a key principle, second on the list, and one of the young women’s values. Children have so many consequences from the choices of others and the vagaries of mortality, the harms of society and biology, and imperfect people trying to raise them. We are all products of both the nature and nurture that our parents provided. The adults of the world should be working to make life better for all children, instead of penalizing them for circumstances outside their control.

Maybe that is why I still feel heartbroken by the November 2015 Policy on Ordinances for Children of a Parent Living in a Same-Gender Relationship. Excluding children from baptism if either of their parents is living in a same gender relationship is misguided. The justification that it is just an extension of the same policy for children born into polygamy is not a good excuse. The justification that it protects families from conflict is not a good excuse. We just can’t have it both ways. Baptism and the gift of the Holy Ghost can’t be BOTH so important that we direct money and time to the effort of baptising our kindred dead AND so unimportant that we don’t mind denying children that blessing because of choices that their parents made. We are more worried about dead people than living, breathing, children. We make such a big deal about baptism at 8, the age of accountability, and then deny children that opportunity if their parents make two very specific decisions that aren’t compatible with our current church policies. Wouldn’t it make much more sense to give those living in less than ideal circumstances all the help and support that we can, including the gift of the Holy Ghost? We don’t deprive the children of adulterers or robbers or single gay people or tax collectors or sex offenders or child abusers or cussers or non-tithers or Democrats the blessings of baptism and the Holy Ghost. Remember Article of Faith 2?

I think this policy is a part of why I find the DACA (Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals) issue so disturbing. Children brought illegally to the USA by their parents to pursue a better, safer life are being punished for the “sins” of their parents. The Trump administration has cancelled that program, throwing 800,000 people and their families into turmoil. Both DACA and the November 2015 policy are rules imposed upon children because of their parents’ actions. Both policies are being imposed by old, privileged, white men. Men that have no experience with being a person of color. A person in danger. A person whose parents are gay. A person whose parents live Mormon fundamentalism. Actually, they should be able to relate to that one since many in church leadership have polygamy in their family trees.

After our history of being persecuted, why are we now persecuting? Do we not have faith in the second Article of Faith anymore?

Book Review: The Plural Marriage Revelation

This is a book review for The Plural Marriage Revelation by William Victor Smith. It is a part of the Textual Studies of the Doctrine and Covenants series published by Greg Kofford Books. 

 

As a YSA not that long ago, I ventured into the world of online dating. (No, I did not meet my eventual husband that way.) But I did meet some nice guys, and some strange guys, and some great guys, and mostly, I had fun. Often I had a single date, and it was clear the guy was not for me. I had my own list of first-date deal-breakers (as did the guys), and as Mormons, we often seemed to get down to business pretty quickly. After all—if we weren’t going to be a match—we needed to be on the hunt for someone else!

 

One not particularly memorable date was turned into a brief meeting— we didn’t get beyond the front door of my dormitory. [image error]He was strikingly handsome, to be honest. I am sure he worked out. But after chatting for about 3 minutes about where he was from and about his family, he dropped the fact that his “sister nearly left the church because of polygamy.” He looked at me very seriously as he (possibly? thankfully?) over-shared that information. “She just could not come to terms with the fact that she would have to submit to her husband and be the first of many wives.”

 

He looked away reverently, yet very seriously, and continued. “Before I can think seriously about taking you out on a date, I need to know if you have a problem with polygamy.” Like many singles in my mid-twenties, I was keenly skilled at managing my first-date facial expressions. But my pokerface at that moment was red-flagging all of the “tells”.  It wasn’t the first, or last time a Mormon man implied that I could be one of his wives. But each time, I had the same visceral reaction: diffuse the situation and run.

 

So I made a joke about how I was okay with it as long as I got to have as many husbands as I wanted, too. He didn’t think that was funny. Without missing a beat, he sweetly asked, “I need to know if you’re prepared to share me with other women when the time comes.” I almost laughed, flabbergasted at how increasingly asinine this situation was becoming. But I didn’t laugh, and without any lies (white or otherwise), we both concluded that going on a date was not something either of us were comfortable with.

 

And I robustly prayed to thank God for the security locks on the dormitory doors.

 

I wish I could say that this was the end of the story, but it is not. At least not for Mormon women. And quite frankly, I think most Mormon women have had similar conversations with potential Mormon marriage partners. Though I can’t even recall the name of the-date-that-never-happened, my interaction with him was not new, or even old. Polygamy is a part of Mormon heritage and history. We own it as members of the church and the discussions about it are possibly as heated now as when it was clandestinely practiced in the early church days in Nauvoo.

 

Thankfully, William Victor Smith’s (WSmith, no relation to Joseph Smith, Jr.)Textual Studies of the Doctrine and Covenants: The Plural Marriage Revelation offers a fresh look on a topic that so many of us fear and/or are sickened to consider. This book, a part of Greg Kofford Books’ Contemporary Studies in Scripture is fundamental footing to understand the background of the revelation and structure in which the section of the Doctrine and Covenants was developed.

 

To be clear: I don’t have a problem with polygamy in a historical sense: It happened. I can’t change that about church history, and here I am an active member of the church. So while I do not like this part of church history, I must own polygamy as a historical part of the religion wherein I believingly participate. To be clear, I DO have a problem with practicing polygamy. Ever. I do not want to do it. I do not want to do it now, and I do not want to do it “in the eternities.” Thus, I began reading the book with gloved hands; I read at an impersonal level as a matter of historicity. However, by the conclusion of the first chapter of the book, I found myself amazed at how much this revelation truly impacts me today as a temple-attending Mormon, as a Mormon woman, and as an adoptive mother. My grasping knuckles were laid bare and I was equally mesmerized, shocked, and educated at the forthcoming of this revelation, and the major players involved in its inception.

 

As much as the books discusses the plural marriage revelation (Section 132), WSmith’s meticulous research causes him to consider the historiography of the concept and practice of “sealings.” Familial “sealings,” either by marriage or adoption was one of the primary purposes of plural marriage—and early temple work:

 

“… a relatively robust practice developed of sealing men to other men as father and son, without a biologically relationship. Called “adoption,” it served two salvific purposes with a background based in Malachi 4:6: “And he shall turn the heart of the fathers to the children, and the heart of the children to their fathers, lest I come and smite the earth with a curse.” Smith had redefined “turn” as “seal” in sermons, and the curse of an impending second coming of Jesus and the “smite the earth with a curse” combined to place a sense of urgency in the binding together of the Saints” (pg 209)

 

 

The concept of sealings encapsulated polygamy, and thus was as profound in the text as was the discussion of plural marriage. I found it fascinating to read the background of this particular revelation in context with the personal struggles of Joseph Smith, Jr, (JSmith) and his (first) wife Emma. WSmith dedicates an entire chapter to Emma (chapter 8, a look at verses 51-57), and though I was tempted to read this chapter first, reading the book in sequentially rewarded me with a rounded view of Emma’s situation in context with her husband’s developing theology around sealings and marriage. In this, the volatility of their marriage was combined with discussion of Victorian sensibilities (which added financial as much as sexual tension to the situation), as well as contextual journals and writings of the time which offered both insight and contradiction in regard to the seemingly always-problematic revelation.

 

The book is written chronologically by theme, treating the sections of information and revelation in the order that the scriptural verses are recorded. This format allows the subject and subsequent revelations to be landscaped in a manner that reveals the construction of what is current cannon in the church. It is refreshing to read the empathetic tones of the author, WSmith’s, as he relates his perspective that this revelation in its many adaptations and forms (all which are detailed in the text), was likely not meant for public consumption. Rather, his view is that this section of scripture is a personal letter to Emma.

 

 

I was captivated in reading of the fluidity in which this and other revelations came into play, as well as the changes therein, such as: the change from women as eternal (next life) child bearers, to being child-bearers primarily here and now. This and the concept of a Heavenly Mother who has the same gestational childbirth cycle as earthly women, giving reason or excuse for multiple mothers. Indeed, fertility is an ongoing concept—one that JSmith seemed to view with an eye to raising generations and tracing them back to himself, or perhaps even Adam. (page 99 and 115) This alone raises the kind of historical problems that Mormon women seem more likely to consider: though the author’s perspective on infertility as a part of this revelation does not exactly match my own, serious considerations are included in this work which discuss its place in the developing concept of plural marriage.

 

 

Moreover, the place of adoption is viewed in narrow terms—most likely because JSmith himself did not flesh out parental adoption. This seems an odd thing to leave out in the fervour of this revelation timeframe until one considers the place of Emma: should the children that she and Joseph adopted be sealed to her—the woman who burned the original revelation (154) and refused to go west with Brigham Young? But it’s absence in this book is telling of the revelation itself: we don’t know what was intended, or in which way the doctrine should be developed, or further revelation was sought.

 

 

In the end, I could not help but consider how much or how little JSmith sought the revelation for himself, or if it was ever intended as a church-wide practice. JSmith’s perspectives on the biblical, including Sarah, Hagar and Abraham, as well as Bathsheba, Uriah and David receive strong consideration in addition to the journals (William Clayton, among others), in addition to analysis of past versions of the developing revelation and numerous other sources.

 

 

At the end of the day—do I recommend this book? Yes, whole-heartedly. And to be honest, I strongly recommend this as a resource for women. We all know that Emma inspired the revelation on the word of wisdom. We also know that Eliza R. Snow’s literary concept of a Heavenly Mother brought Her revelation to Mormonism (page 98). Thus, we know that women have historically encouraged revelation and created dogmatic change within the church when there were problems and unanswered chasms. Therefore, because there is an ongoing question (crisis?) in regard to Mormon polygamy with its many theological layers, I believe it is best that we come to understand its development, history, contextual history and relative theories. In doing this, we can be best seek and encourage further intellectual and spiritual revelations in creating a superior sealing doctrine – one that I would hope does not offend or degrade women.

 

For those in the Provo area, there is a roundtable discussion on Tuesday, March 13 at Writ & Vision (274 W CENTER ST). The event begins at 7PM and, those who attend have been promised cookies.

 

Textual Studies of the Doctrine and Covenants: The Plural Marriage Revelation (Contemporary Studies in Scripture)

Sexism is Real, Even When You Are Prime Minister

[image error]Being a female prime minister brings some quirkiness to the job, as Jacinda Ardern could tell you. She has headlined in Vogue in addition to typical political publications such as Time.  Sadly, since the announcement of her pregnancy, the interview questions began to be more personal, and now, they are just plain disturbing.

Kiwi PM Adern In ‘Creepy’ 60 Minutes Interview (BBC)

The Sydney Morning Herald article is here.

Though I am pleased to see that this interview has been labelled as “creepy”- the fact that it ever happened- from the interviewer to the editors and producers who created the segment– shows how sinister the world still is for successful women. (Remember, PM Ardern is a former Mormon and her uncle is Elder Ian S. Ardern)

 

Stretch Cotton

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Guest post by Adela. Adela is a lifelong church member who lives in New England with her family. She is in the toddler-mom phase of life, and is spending a lot of time at the gym these days.

Valentines Day brought me a nice, discreet package of personal clothing this year.

Not lingerie. Garments.

Not just any garments, either– The New Ones. The ones made from soft, fitted cotton that doesn’t cling in the wrong places. The kind where the restrictive, itchy lace has been replaced with a smooth, invisible hem. The kind where the inseam is a reasonable length, the waistband is both functional and comfortable in its material and width. The kind that is designed with sensitive breast tissue in mind, and understands how unforgivably outer clothing can cling to fabric. The kind where the sacred marks have been printed on so finely, they can be placed next to the skin like a secret.

Last night I laid in my bed, brushing my new shirt softly, reverently, pensively. It’s been years since I approached my garments with any kind of reverence.

I’ve been dreaming about the temple, though it has also been (a different number of) years since I wanted to go there.

It’s been a weary time for me to be a Mormon. I gave up full-time garment wearing a few years ago, during the course of pregnancy, and I did so after a sleepless night of prayer. When I rose in the morning I heard a voice like my mother’s, offering a wise and practical solution in a loving and slightly exasperated tone. Go to the store down the road, buy some nice underwear that fits and doesn’t hurt you. And then throw your garments away and buy a full, new set. Wear them when you can.

I tried. I really tried. I never stopped wearing them permanently, but in loosening my regimen I found such sense of liberation; my infections were gone, I could sleep, I could sweat, I could focus on my life instead of my irritated skin and the nuisance of white, conspicuous flashes that could not be trusted to stay put. Taking off the garment increased my agency in tangible, palpable ways.

When my sister received her endowment, she told me that she was excited to wear garments because she thought they would feel like a hug. There is lovely, personal symbolism in wearing the garment. I have missed the touch of the divine in the grimy mundane. But I could not wear underwear that wasn’t functional, that made me sick, that made me resentful toward God (and even more resentful toward the church).

To the people who made it happen:

Getting these new garments in the mail feels like getting a love letter. An apologetic, understanding, repentant, whole-hearted love letter. Like when your sweetheart gifts you not chocolate, but an afternoon of uninterrupted time in a clean place where nothing needs your attention. Because they love you and know that what you need is not frivolity, but function and time and brain power, and just a teeny bit of luxury.

This project has clearly taken you years of invisible research, effort, and skill. Not only are you a talented clothing designer, you were also able to convince the People In Charge to go along with necessary functional changes (a miracle if I have ever seen one). Your name isn’t sewn onto these garments I wear every day, and no one will ever interview you about your inspiration, your creative process, or your consecrated efforts.

It’s not an exaggeration to say that you have changed things for women all over Mormondom. Fewer LDS women will struggle to find an appropriate balance between health and religious observance. Less mental energy will be spent on superfluous tucking and twisting. Big things turn on small wheels.

I know they aren’t everything that everyone has ever dreamed of, and of course they are imperfect (disappointment is the nature of women’s underwear, I’m afraid). But in this time of weary Mormoning, I am grateful for a reminder of the beauty and the tenderness of our faith. They are soft and forgiving, and they are ready to go with me into the unknown, to cover my nakedness and protect me from sin. They do not hamper my agency. They don’t hurt me.

I want you to know I see your labor of love, and I got your message. I see your work, and your dedication both to excellence and to the women of God.

Thank you.

Love,

Adela