Exponent II's Blog, page 263

The #LDS Church has announced that it will discontinue sponsorship of Scouts BSA

[image error]Just one week after Boy Scouts changed to a gender-inclusive name to accommodate accepting girls into the program, the LDS Church has announced that it is severing its 105-year partnership with the organization.

Mormon Church severs all ties with Boy Scouts

Guest Post: The Warmth of Loneliness

[image error]

“Lonely Journey” by Hans Hofmann

by Gemma

Today I’m not sure where I fit into the world. I’m not sure if I’ve ever felt like I fit into the world. Not that I’m different or special or unique, but each day I wake up and wonder if I’ll ever feel comfortable. Am I supposed to feel comfortable? Am I supposed to want to feel comfortable?

The first breath of each morning is filled with excitement. I’ve been given another day in my blessed human form. I ride the train for two hours each morning, excited for class. The closer I move towards feeling God through the bliss of numbers and algorithms, the further I slip away from the beliefs I used to hold dear. Believe me, this is not the life I ever thought I would live. A returned Mormon missionary, someone who was married in the Helsinki temple. “What did you stop doing? What did you start doing?” Is my favorite response. I guess I started living genuinely. I spent so many years of my life trying to fit in. I loved growing up in the Mormon community, I loved the idea of my faith, but as I got older I realized how much guilt I harbored for not genuinely sharing these beliefs, although I tried for so long.

I hate weekends, I hate halting my acquisition of knowledge to perform ordinary tasks like washing dishes and organizing my home. I hate the pressure I feel to make a firm decision on my beliefs every Sunday. I’m a g*ddamn 24-year-old, what 24-year-old has all the answers? My greatest depth of loneliness is felt when I attend church. This is the place I feel the craziest, but sitting in my home as my husband sits alone on a pew is the worst feeling in the world. So I go. I slip on my normal people underwear, a normal people dress and listen to the talks and lessons. I love sitting in on the third hour, a room full of women sharing their life experiences. But I can’t help but feel lonely in that room. As they talk about temple rituals and eternal marriage, flashbacks of that first night of peeling off my garments and laying in bed next to my husband as he held me as I sobbed – they fill my mind. I want to run away. But I live in Utah Valley, my husband attends BYU. I can’t just pick up and leave.

How did I get involved in computer science? Why am I so passionate about something that seems like and often feels like torture? Perhaps the loneliest subject in many people’s minds. 10 hours of silence, running tests on a computer probably sounds like a nightmare to many – It is my remedy. It is the only thing in this world that I know is true. Logic, math, are basic truths I can always fall back on. I feel so happy as I create the magic. I don’t feel like an accident. The pieces are all here, and I’m dying to put them all together. Perhaps one day I will finally understand why I exist, where I really fit into the universe. A Sikh Army veteran coding on my right, a Catholic immigrant keying away on my left, an Indian who was the only Hindu at his high school sits directly in front of me. We are all there for answers. The beautiful, loneliness warms the room as a bunch of oddballs perform their rituals. The clicking of keys, a sacred chant. The changing screen, a vision. I am content, I am smiling, I am spiritual again.

 

 Gemma is a 24-year-old computer science student at the University of Utah. Being a female in computer science has been somewhat of a lonely endeavor, but she also lives in Provo and her beliefs have shifted which feels like a uniquely solitary journey. Perhaps this piece of her life might help another woman out there who feels similarly.

I Was in Prison and Ye Came Unto Me

Then shall the King say unto them on his right hand, “Come, ye blessed of my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world:…I was in prison, and ye came unto me.” Then shall the righteous answer him, saying, “Lord, when saw we thee … in prison, and came unto thee?” And the King shall answer and say unto them, “Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my [sisters], ye have done it unto me.” Matthew 25:34-40[image error]

About a year ago, I wrote a guest post discussing my call to minister to inmates at the county jail. I didn’t have much to add at that point because I had just started. Now that I have some experience under my belt, here’s an update.

When people hear about my volunteer work, I get one of two reactions: People either think I’m some sort of extra super-duper holy person, or they worry for my safety. I don’t really think I’m any holier than any other person with a teaching calling at church. Some people are called to teach Sunday school. I happen to have been called to teach jail inmates. I also don’t worry about my safety at the jail. It’s considered socially unacceptable among the inmates to mess with or harm any clergy person who comes to the jail. I’m probably safer there than I am walking down the street.

Several years ago, I had an opportunity to minister to inmates in a men’s prison. Now I minister in a women’s jail. A common question I get is whether it’s different ministering to women vs men. I’ve found in my experience that it isn’t. People are people, and sin, repentance, and forgiveness are universal human concerns. The biggest difference is between a prison and a jail. When I ministered in a prison setting, the people I worked with were serving life sentences, so their problems generally involved adjusting to the new reality of the rest of their lives knowing they were never returning to society. The concerns we discussed in class were things like how to make their cells a home, how to progress in the gospel when they can’t receive ordinances, how to handle a permanent separation from their families, etc. In a jail setting, about half of the people I work with will be going to prison for a number of years (but not forever), and the other half will be returning to society. The concerns we discuss in class are how to avoid repeating the mistakes of the past, how to mend broken relationships, how to reintegrate successfully into society, etc.

In both settings, how to access and apply the grace of Jesus Christ is front and center.

When I taught at the prison, we spent one week per month on the church’s 12-step program, two weeks on the Teachings of the Presidents of the Church manual, and one week on scripture study. It was a good, balanced diet of gospel study. The prison I volunteered at had a very small LDS population – 6-12 people regularly came to services and there were maybe a dozen others who were unable to attend but would have if they had been able to. (They were visited one on one by one of my colleagues.) By contrast, the jail has a large LDS population. The county I’m in has about half a dozen jails, and there are enough inmates that the jails are organized into a branch, complete with a branch president. All the LDS teachers report to the branch president, though our records remain in our respective wards, and we attend our wards in addition to the services we lead at the jail. I do one on one visits and teach at one of the jails, though occasionally I get asked to help out by doing one on one visits with inmates at other jails. At the jail I teach at, there are 4-6 LDS classes in English and 2 in Spanish, and each class has attendance ranging from 20-30. I’ve heard that at the other jails, attendance is as high as 50-70.

Because there are so many different classes going on, the classes specialize. I’m responsible for facilitating, with a co-instructor, the church’s 12-step program. Other people teach scripture study classes. Leading the 12-step program was outside my comfort zone when I started because I felt wholly unqualified to teach the class. While I’ve seen loved ones suffer from addiction, I’ve never personally experienced it, so I didn’t really feel that I would have anything useful to add. My co-instructor, when I expressed that concern to her, said that really when it gets down to it, the course is a course on how to apply the Atonement. When I reconsidered it in that light, I felt better about my ability to teach it.

It’s been challenging to balance the demands of work with my ministry at the jail, but it’s been so worth it. True to the promise in Matthew 25, I found God in the jail. When I visit the inmates, I am visiting Jesus. I’m walking on holy ground when I’m teaching my class. Jesus promises “For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.” Matthew 18:20. And He is. I’ve seen miracles. I’ve watched people be cleansed of their sins and healed of their broken hearts. I’ve seen prayers answered and hearts softened.

Our society treats people accused of committing crimes as profoundly “other”. There’s “us” and “them”. They even have to wear special clothes advertising their sin – a sort of orange jump-suited version of a scarlet “A”. God, on the other hand, just sees beloved children. We’re no better than they are. “[A]ll have sinned, and come short of the glory of God.” Romans 3:23. Yes, the people I teach are sinners. But so are you. And so am I. And God loves us anyway and shows us how to be cleansed and healed by the marvelous grace of Jesus Christ.

I don’t know why God gave me this call, and I don’t know how long God will need me to continue in it, but I’m glad I’ve had the opportunity to bring His love to people who so desperately need it and to feel that love myself in the process.

—-

Image Credit: By Officer Bimblebury – Own work, CC BY-SA 4.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index...

Church to improve safety for sister missionaries

Church establishes Sister Safety Committee, and develops follow-up procedure to support sisters after incidents.

https://www.sltrib.com/news/2018/05/0...[image error]

November Young Women Lesson: How do I know if I am becoming converted?

[image error]Conversion is a big topic, and I think we all wonder sometimes what it means and question our own conversion. This lesson can provide a good opportunity to reassure the young women that it is ok to be unsure or to have questions. This lesson outline is quite a departure from the lesson manual. It seemed to me that the lesson from the church manual was focused on being converted to the Church; here the aim is to discuss conversion to Christ.

Begin by asking the class to think of conversion stories they have heard, from the scriptures or from people they know. Some examples may be:

Saul/Paul: Act 9 (https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/act...)

Alma the Elder: Mosiah 17 (https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/mosiah/17.1-2?lang=eng#p1)

Alma the Younger: Mosiah 27 (https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/mosiah/27.8?lang=eng#7)

Once you have discussed a few examples, as the class to brainstorm some commonalities across them. Some key points to bring out out include each gained a belief in Christ, and that each individual changed in important ways subsequent to their experiences.

From there, you might encourage the class to develop a definition of conversion as a group. It is difficult, after all, to know if something is happening if you don’t know what ‘it’ is. You might use Alma 5 for an additional reference, and encourage your class to think about what it means to be changed in our hearts.

You may also want to have students read from True to the Faith on conversion (https://www.lds.org/languages/eng/content/manual/true-to-the-faith/conversion), especially this section:

“Conversion is a process, not an event. You become converted as a result of your righteous efforts to follow the Savior. These efforts include exercising faith in Jesus Christ, repenting of sin, being baptized, receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost, and enduring to the end in faith.

Although conversion is miraculous and life changing, it is a quiet miracle. Angelic visitations and other spectacular occurrences do not bring conversion. Even Alma, who saw an angel, became converted only after he “fasted and prayed many days” for a witness of the truth (Alma 5:46). And Paul, who saw the resurrected Savior, taught that “no man can say that Jesus is the Lord, but by the Holy Ghost” (1 Corinthians 12:3).

Because conversion is a quiet, constant process, you may be converted now and not realize it. You could be like the Lamanites who, “because of their faith in [Christ] at the time ​of their conversion, were baptized with fire and with the Holy Ghost, and they knew it not” (3 Nephi 9:20). Your continuing efforts to exercise faith and follow the Savior will lead to greater conversion.”

I really like the idea of conversion as a process. Most of the stories we have of conversion (including the examples from scripture listed above) are a singular,  extreme event. True conversion takes a life time. It takes practice and hard work and patience and developing a relationship with Christ.

I feel it is important to point out, especially to teen-aged girls,  that one sign of true conversion is a desire to try again. Being converted does not mean we are always perfect and loving. It does mean that when we can’t be, we learn and repent and try again. 

Knowing, Believing, and Hoping: Going Beyond the Usual Testimony Words

[image error]A couple of weeks ago, in our awesome Gospel Principles 2 class, we talked about the first chapter in the manual which focused on the existence of Heavenly Father. Gospel Principles 2 is a class our ward constructed to give people who were at different places in their faith journeys a place to openly and honestly discuss their questions. We are about 15 classes in, and I am loving it.

We went around the class and each discussed where we were on that issue of knowing that there is a God. Being the closest person to the teacher, I kicked off the discussion by mentioning that I had no knowledge there is a God. God has not revealed him/herself to me. God has not spoken to me. Nor have I had the warm feelings of comfort confirming God’s presence to me when I pray.  Did I believe there was a God? I was uncomfortable even saying that, given my lack of experience with confirmation. I did however say that I hoped there was a just God, that I love the idea of being with my family forever and that I desperately hope that there is a just and loving divine presence in the universe.

Other people in the class mostly avoided the “know” word and spoke about their beliefs in God, their experiences of feeling God’s love, though a couple people likewise talked about hope rather than knowledge or belief.

While I was clearly in the minority in my unwillingness to use the “believe” or “know” words, I loved that there was space in this little class for me to be totally honest like that. That’s a rare occurrence for me at church.

As a Relief Society teacher, I walk something of a tight rope. I want to be authentic and honest, but I have to speak very carefully in order to not derail things or upset people. This means that I can’t authentically testify of many things. I can’t say “I know God lives and Jesus loves us.” I can’t say “I’m grateful we have a prophet on earth today who speaks for God.” The list goes on and on.

But what I can do, that I think works reasonably well, is talk about things I find loving or compelling or thoughtful or poignant. When I conclude a lesson I talk a lot about how this scripture verse resonates with my sense of what is just and good. I talk about how I find this quote or this story compelling because of its emphasis on xyz. I talk about how grateful I am for a community with which to discuss these important ideas. By using language of “resonating” “compelling” and “insightful” or “profound” I avoid having to use those testimony words that don’t feel authentic to me.

What testimony words are you comfortable with? Do you have words other than “know,” “believe” and “hope” that you use in order to meaningfully contribute to church discussions?

Guest Post: Stung #MormonMeToo

[image error]by Summertime

When I read the news articles about Joseph L. Bishop, the former Provo Missionary Training Centre president, my stomach began to churn and I immediately was brought back to my last night in the MTC. When I was supposed to be eagerly anticipating travelling to the mission where I would be serving for the next 18 months, I was instead reporting unwanted touching and sexual harassment to my MTC teacher’s supervisor.

Ever since I could remember, I wanted to serve a mission. Both my parents are converts and I grew up on stories about the missionaries that brought them into the Church. I started accompanying the sister missionaries when I was 10 years old as they tracted and met with prospective members ( a practice that would likely be frowned on today). My father worked as a travelling salesman and when sisters missionaries were not assigned to our area, we would make arrangements with sisters in other areas for me to stay with them for a day or two while my father made his sales calls. I told everyone I was going to be a missionary and I resented having to wait until I was 21 to serve. I also fought back when I was teased that it was only the ugly young women who were left over and unmarriageable who went on missions.

After graduating from Ricks College, I returned home to work until I received my mission call. My parents were not well off and there were several children in our typical Mormon family. There was no mission fund set aside for me, despite my lifelong goal of serving. I did not think that my branch was obligated to support me while I served, but I knew that they had supported other missionaries with limited means. I was deeply wounded when my branch president told me that he wouldn’t submit my papers unless I paid off my student loan and earned a fixed amount of money first. The branch and stake were supporting elders who were already serving and there was no money to pay for a sister missionary to serve. So, my timetable was adjusted and I worked for 9 months in a minimum wage job, where I was harassed and bullied every day, by an assistant manager who took bets on my first day regarding how long I would last. I limped along until, finally, a miracle happened. My former bishop from Ricks let me know that a contact of his was looking for a missionary to support and he had given me this gentleman my name. I was so grateful that I could now serve and fulfill my dream.

I quickly adapted to the routine at the MTC because I was already so familiar with mission life. What I wasn’t able to adapt to was the teacher assigned to our district. There were 4 sisters and 8 elders in our group. As sisters, we quickly realized that we were not going to have an easy ride with our male teacher. He ruled our classroom with an iron fist and did not tolerate any opposition. He constantly berated us for the smallest perceived infraction in our appearance and would frequently comment, for example, on how much of our stockings were showing under our regulation length skirts as we shifted in our seats or climbed the stairs. We discussed during meal times and after class how uncomfortable we were with all the attention he was directing towards us. The elders in our district also began to notice the imbalance in the attention our teacher was giving us.

A new challenge presented itself in the form of the call centre, which was a relatively new innovation for the MTC. I dread imposing on people, and the prospect of making cold calls to follow up on referrals received through the 1-800 numbers, shared during Church television commercials, was a living nightmare for me. The minimal training and pressure to perform made the task especially distressing. During one particular session in the centre, I became increasingly concerned about how much time our teacher was spending with my companion and how close he pulled his chair next to hers. After a few difficult calls, I turned off my computer and took off my headset. I was done and nothing could convince me to continue. The teacher walked over to my station, pulled his chair close to mine and reached under the desk and touched my upper left thigh. I felt like I had been stung. I quickly stood up and walked out of the call centre. A few of the elders followed me and seeing how upset I was, asked what had happened. When I explained, they became angry and became animated with how they would retaliate. I told them that I would be fine and somehow made it through the rest of the days of our training in the midst of the persistent singling out from the teacher.

That unwanted touch played over and over in my mind and I was at a loss as to what to do about it, but I knew for certain that it was uninvited and unwanted. The MTC was a foreign environment with an unfamiliar hierarchy. Our teacher had bragged that his supervisor was his best friend and I wasn’t sure that making a complaint would make a difference. I felt ripped off and angry that at the start of my mission, a goal that I had waited years to attain, I had been violated in this way.

Finally, on our last night in the MTC, after speaking with my companion about it again, I went to the reception area, where just days before, I had entered as a new missionary, and asked who I would speak to about a concern about my teacher. The person at the desk called my teacher’s supervisor, his best friend. My heart sunk when I saw him, but somehow through my tears, I was able to share what my companion and I had experienced. He thanked me for telling him and after he left, that was it. No one followed up with me and no one offered me support. I never heard anything more about it.

When I met my trainer in my first area, I told her what happened, and she accused me of making it up. Then I gave up, buried my feelings and tried to be the best sister missionary I could. I tried so hard to become the perfect missionary that I damaged my health, and was almost sent home early, because I was a liability for the Missionary Health Department. When I finished my mission it was a relief and nothing close to the best years of my life.

I have made my peace with those 18 months so long ago and I suppose in that time I have forgiven that teacher. But if there is a flyover shot of the MTC during the Mormon Report, between General Conference sessions, I become nauseated and tears come to my eyes as the film of that moment 18 years ago replays in my mind, in perfect detail. The sting is still there.

Summertime supports women in finding their voices professionally and unprofessionally.

March Young Women Lesson: What Is the Atonement of Jesus Christ?

[image error]

For the lds.org lesson plan, click here.

Preparatory Note

This lesson deals with an important subject matter but one that can get kind of personal if people feel moved upon to share their griefs and sorrows or their sins and how the Atonement helped them overcome those. Impress upon the class the necessity of honoring the confidences of their classmates by not sharing outside the class any personal stories that their classmates share. Also impress upon the class that the sharing of personal stories is optional.

Introduce the Doctrine

This section starts out with a thought exercise asking the class members how they would respond if a friend asks them what the Atonement of Jesus Christ is. This is an excellent introduction because the ability to explain a principle aids in understanding it. Especially if you live in a primarily non-LDS community, it’s also important to understand the ways in which we use terminology that is different from our neighbors to explain similar concepts. This is also an important thing to understand to help prepare them for missionary service in the future. While many other Christian churches don’t use the term “Atonement”, they still believe in the concept. It would be useful to explain to them that other believers in Christ may refer to things like “suffering on the cross”, “the passion”, “the grace of God”, etc. to encompass what we call “the Atonement”.

This quote from Joseph Smith explains the centrality of the Atonement to our belief system. “The fundamental principles of our religion are the testimony of the Apostles and Prophets, concerning Jesus Christ, that He died, was buried, and rose again the third day, and ascended into heaven; and all other things which pertain to our religion are only appendages to it.” (History of the Church, 3:30)

The New Testament reminds us that “the testimony of Jesus is the spirit of prophecy.” (Revelation 19:10) Anyone who has a testimony of Jesus is a prophet, so the testimonies of class members about Jesus constitute part of these fundamental principles of our religion.

Learn Together

In addition to the learning activities presented in the lesson outline, it’s important to address why the Atonement is necessary. We live in a fallen world, where we are subject to sin, death, and sorrow. We cannot save ourselves, so Jesus came to do what we can’t do. The Atonement is for our sins, but it’s also for the effects of the sins that others have committed against us.

In her book Lighten Up, Chieko Okazaki gave a poignant description of the Atonement. (Note that some of the content in this quote deals with mature issues. You may want to cut out parts of it for Beehives or Mia Maids, but it’s probably appropriate in its entirety for Laurels.)

“Well, my dear sisters, the gospel is the good news that can free us from guilt. We know that Jesus experienced the totality of mortal existence in Gethsemane. It’s our faith that he experienced everything- absolutely everything. Sometimes we don’t think through the implications of that belief. We talk in great generalities about the sins of all humankind, about the suffering of the entire human family. But we don’t experience pain in generalities. We experience it individually. That means he knows what it felt like when your mother died of cancer- how it was for your mother, how it still is for you. He knows what it felt like to lose the student body election. He knows that moment when the brakes locked and the car started to skid. He experienced the slave ship sailing from Ghana toward Virginia. He experienced the gas chambers at Dachau. He experienced Napalm in Vietnam. He knows about drug addiction and alcoholism.

Let me go further. There is nothing you have experienced as a woman that he does not also know and recognize. On a profound level, he understands the hunger to hold your baby that sustains you through pregnancy. He understands both the physical pain of giving birth and the immense joy. He knows about PMS and cramps and menopause. He understands about rape and infertility and abortion. His last recorded words to his disciples were, “And, lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world.” (Matthew 28:20) He understands your mother-pain when your five-year-old leaves for kindergarten, when a bully picks on your fifth-grader, when your daughter calls to say that the new baby has Down syndrome. He knows your mother-rage when a trusted babysitter sexually abuses your two-year-old, when someone gives your thirteen-year-old drugs, when someone seduces your seventeen-year-old. He knows the pain you live with when you come home to a quiet apartment where the only children are visitors, when you hear that your former husband and his new wife were sealed in the temple last week, when your fiftieth wedding anniversary rolls around and your husband has been dead for two years. He knows all that. He’s been there. He’s been lower than all that. He’s not waiting for us to be perfect. Perfect people don’t need a Savior. He came to save his people in their imperfections. He is the Lord of the living, and the living make mistakes. He’s not embarrassed by us, angry at us, or shocked. He wants us in our brokenness, in our unhappiness, in our guilt and our grief.

Live What We Are Learning

In addition to the examples in the lesson outline, a discussion of the sacrament would fit in nicely here. Each Sunday, we have the opportunity to physically take the Atonement and make it a part of ourselves by eating the bread in remembrance of the body of Jesus and drinking the water in remembrance of the blood of Jesus. As we partake of the sacrament, we are incorporating the wondrous sacrifice of our Lord into our very souls.

Conclusion

If moved upon to do so, share your testimony of the Atonement and/or invite class members to share their testimonies of the Atonement.

Guest Post: Thoughts on Conference

Guest post by Linda Gifford. Shehas a BS in Civil Engineering with a Minor in Spanish and an MBA. She served a mission in Argentina and spent 38 years in the Air Force. She is recently divorced after 45 years of marriage. Linda came out as transgender in Sep 2017 at the age of 68. She is a member of the Butterfield Ward in the Tucson West Stake. This is a letter written to Linda’s ward leaders. Near the end of the letter, she mentions her efforts and request for a name change on Church records. The Church’s instructions on how to do this is and there is no reason her local leadership is preventing her Church records to reflect her legal name change. Cross-posted with permission from the Mormon Therapist on Patheos

 

[image error]Dear Ward Leaders,

What an  inspiring conference we have had this weekend.  One of the biggest messages I heard was the need to love one another and to reach out and minister to each other.

I have been very troubled by the ways the church as an institution has responded to me as a transgender member.  The restrictions placed on me seem so contrary to the Lord’s teachings and even what the leaders have said at conference.  I had been a volunteer at the Family History Center for several years. Once I came out I was told I could no longer volunteer there as that was not a good representation for the church.  Most recently I was told that I can have no callings so was released from doing the bulletin. Both of these jobs can be done by non-members but as an outcast somehow I am not a worthy enough child of God to serve others in any way! How is this Christlike? Christ served the outcasts of society and was criticized for it.  Apparently in Christ’s church today that teaching has been replaced. What are you so afraid of?

I feel like a leper – unclean.

You tell me I can’t use the women’s restroom. Again, what are you afraid of?  Do you think I’m going to molest someone because I’m transgender? The LDS church does not have a history of transgenders molesting women. They have a real problem with priesthood leaders molesting women and children however. I would think the concern should lie much more there!

I’m also told I can’t attend Relief Society or Priesthood. I haven’t seen this document yet in spite of requesting it. I find it very hard to believe that the First Presidency would not want me to attend and be edified by the great men and women of the church.  I’ve just gotten divorced after 45 years. Do you have any idea how hard that is? How lonely I feel? And yet I’m not allowed to be a part of and feel the support of the members? I particularly need and want the love and support shown by the sisters of the ward. They are so much more understanding and I have felt more their love and want to be with them more but am denied that opportunity.  How does this make sense? Would you prefer I go to gay bars or other places to make friends?  Just what are you so afraid of? Do you think somehow I will contaminate you and the other members of the ward? This reminds me so much of the pharisees who were concerned with the letter of the law, not the spirit of the law. Is that what our church has become today?



Then there’s the issue of my legal name. The First Presidency told our stake leaders that they are not allowed to change my records to reflect my legal name. How disrespectful is that? We say we follow the law of the land. Even church handbook 1 says we use legal names. Why do we refuse to acknowledge a name change in this case? A name change is not uncommon, why is this such a big deal?

I know change is hard for all. I recognize that being a transgender woman is not yet fully accepted in our society. It’s interesting to note in the Native American culture I would be revered as a Two Spirit person to be greatly admired. Ephesians 2:19: Now therefore ye are no more strangers and foreigners, but fellow citizens with the saints, and of the household of God.Doesn’t this mean we are all invited to be participants in God’s church?  Isn’t diversity a wonderful thing? I know it took well over 100 yeas for the church to change it’s position on blacks and the priesthood. I hope it doesn’t take another 100 years for the church to embrace the LGBT members. Change is coming – I just hope to see it in my lifetime.

I believe the changes in the priesthood quorums and home teaching/visiting teaching should lead us to reconsider how to reach out and make all feel welcome. That’s a sign of the true church.

Linda

Hagar: Scriptural patterns of sexual assault

The Abrahamic covenant is a key part of Mormon doctrine.  We believe that by making and keeping our covenants, we can receive all the blessings that Abraham was promised even if we are not his literal descendants.  For this reason, church discussions about Abraham typically focus on his heroic qualities – his faith, his priesthood and above all his covenants.  The story of Abraham and Sarah conceiving Isaac is one of several heartwarming “miracle fertility” stories that get trotted out to give hope to childless couples.  But Hagar? Well, Hagar is a story that we tend to gloss over as quickly as possible. If Mormons identify themselves closely with Abraham and see him as a hero to be emulated, then the story of Hagar is deeply problematic.  Perhaps if we shifted the way we study this scriptural episode in our classes we could be better prepared as saints to believe the women who come forward and to help them.

The story of Hagar can be found in Genesis 16 and 21.  I won’t quote it in its entirety here, but all my excerpts come from those two chapters. Sarah wants children and is unable to conceive.  Her reasons for wanting the baby reflect the patriarchal culture in which she lived – she suffers because an infertile woman is of little worth.  Perhaps she wanted a baby to cuddle, and surely she wanted an heir.  It is worth remembering that Sarah herself had been the victim of sexual abuse – Abram, fearing for his life, claimed that Sarai was his sister and so she was taken into Pharoah’s house: “And for her sake he dealt well with Abram; and he had sheep, oxen, male donkeys, male and female slaves, female donkeys, and camels.” So Sarai knows that she is somewhat expendable to Abram, for all his love of her.

So she takes her Egyptian slave Hagar and tells Abram to have sex with her.  The phrasing in the Bible makes Abram seem fairly blameless – it is all Sarai’s idea and “Abram hearkened to the voice of Sarai.”

Hagar is already a victim because she is enslaved.  Then, as so many enslaved women have been across the centuries, she is sexually assaulted.  It is useless to claim that perhaps she enjoyed it, or wanted it, or liked Abram. Firstly, the scriptures indicate no such thing, and more importantly,  she did not have the freedom to say no. Consent is meaningless if a person cannot freely refuse sexual advances.

Hagar becomes pregnant and “when she saw that she had conceived, her mistress was despised in her eyes.”  This phrasing is interesting.  Usually we interpret it to mean that she taunted Sarai for being unable to conceive, and perhaps she did.  But perhaps she felt even deeper anger and loathing for an unwanted pregnancy for an assault in which Sarai was deeply complicit.

Abram, ever the brave responsible one, tells Sarai “thy maid is in thine hand; do to her as it pleaseth thee.” And Sarai dealt hardly with her.  Even though Hagar is pregnant with his child, and he freely chose to have sex with her, he gives Sarai the thumbs up to abuse her as harshly as she wants. We can assume that she was very harsh indeed, because Hagar runs away into the desert where her odds of survival are slim.

In the wilderness she meets an angel, who asks her what she is doing.  Then the angel promised her and her posterity great blessings in parallel to those offered to Abraham’s other son-to-be.  And Hagar gave God a name: El Roi – the God who sees me. Problematically, the messenger also orders her to “Return to thy mistress, and submit thyself under her hands.”

She returns, and has the baby.  Later, Sarah has Isaac and asks Abraham to get rid of Hagar and her son, which he does. Giving them a small amount of provisions they are cast in the desert.  When the provisions are gone, Hagar puts down her baby and walks away so she doesn’t have to see him die.  This time it is God, and not a messenger, who addresses her.  God tells her he has heard the baby’s cries, and will see to their welfare.  He shows her a well so that she can feed her baby, and God stays with them spiritually as Ishmael grew up in the wilderness.

[image error]

Claxton, Marshall; Hagar and Ishmael at the Well; York Museums Trust; 

What lessons might we take from all of this story if we let go of the idea that Abraham and Sarah must be the heroes and examples in all cases?

We see that men who are in some or even many contexts great spiritual leaders are nevertheless capable of sexual predation. Public good acts do not somehow justify private evils.  We can also see the ways in which the author subtly excuses Abraham’s acts – all the cruelty he inflicts on Hagar he does at Sarai’s asking.  In this story, a woman was quite literally asking for it, albeit not for him to abuse her.  These patterns are often repeated in ecclesiastical leadership contexts.  When we as a church stubbornly self-identify only with Abraham and Sarah in this story, we set up a doctrinal precedent for abusive leadership.
Abusers are often victims of abuse themselves. Sarai had been sexually exploited by Abram to save his own life. Understanding this can hopefully help us break the cycle and address abusers with compassion, but it does not excuse perpetuating the cycle.
We see that women can be complicit in the abuse of other women. While instances of savagery like Sarai’s – instigating sexual abuse, planning to steal a child, verbally and physically abusing a victim and ultimately leaving her to die in a desert are thankfully unlikely to appear in our wards, there is nevertheless a warning in this story that we should discuss in our classes.  What Sarai wanted was the perfect image.  She wanted to appear to the world to be a happy mother, father and baby family and she ultimately was willing to allow Hagar to suffer, and to attempt to erase her entirely to get what she wanted.  How do we as church members put the image of our institution ahead of the suffering of individual saints?  Do we put the image of our family, or our bishopric, or our friend ahead of hard truths?

The messenger of the Lord shows us both a positive and a negative example of what to do.

On one hand, he tells Hagar to return to the abusive situation and to submit to it.All too often abuse victims who come forward are advised not to abandon their family/job/calling and to stay in vulnerable positions.  The perpetrator is not punished and is instead allowed and thus tacitly encouraged to continue the abuse.  When the Bible says a heavenly messenger says something, it is hard for us to say “nope, bad call.”  But if we replace “heavenly messenger” with “Bishop” or “stake president” we can see more clearly why this advice was cruel.  Perhaps it helped Abram by giving back his unborn son, showing us a classic example of men understanding male interests and sympathizing with them at the expense of women.
On the other hand, the messenger affirms that God knows her situation and has a plan for her and promises a better future. This is a more positive response that church leaders, as messengers on behalf of God, could share with women who come forward.

God shows us appropriate ways to respond.

When God speaks to Hagar, God does not order her to return to the abusive situation.
God affirms that he cares about her and her child. God makes it possible for her to survive and thrive away from the abuse.
Above all, God believes Hagar. Hagar gives God a name: El Roi – the God Who Sees Me. Unlike Abram and Sarai, who never speak to her at all but only abouther, God sees Hagar. God believes her.  God doesn’t tell her to go back.
The scriptures do not say that God punished Abraham or Sarah in this life for their abuse of Hagar, but then immediate retribution is not necessarily God’s way.God will give Hagar justice.  We on this earth have a responsibility to do as much as we can to make wrongs right.