Exponent II's Blog, page 269

“…one of the most inevitable aspects of our lives here upon the earth, and that is change.” -Thomas S. Monson

[image error]Today as we remember President Thomas S. Monson with gratitude, I reflect on his 2008 talk about the inevitability of change:

Finding Joy in the Journey

Especially these words:

“Never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved.”

The Living Bread Which Came Down From Heaven by D. Todd Christofferson Lesson Plan

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Photo by Jeff Sheldon on Unsplash

Elder Christofferson begins his talk by referencing the story of Christ feeding of the 5,000 with loaves and fishes that’s found in John 6.  He begins with,

The day after Jesus miraculously fed the 5,000 in Galilee with only “five barley loaves, and two small fishes,” He spoke to the people again in Capernaum. The Savior perceived that many were not so much interested in His teachings as they were in being fed again. Accordingly, He tried to convince them of the immensely greater value of “that meat which endureth unto everlasting life, which the Son of man shall give unto you.”

Despite Christ’s repeated insistence that the bread and meat he had given them was not only literal, but symbolic of the teachings and Atonement he would soon complete, his followers still didn’t understand and/or embrace the metaphor. Elder Christofferson then advises,

To eat His flesh and drink His blood is a striking way of expressing how completely we must bring the Savior in our life – into our very being – that we may be one… To eat the flesh and drink the blood of Christ means to pursue holiness. God commands, “Be ye holy; for I am holy.”

What is holiness?  Ask the class members what they think holiness means in this context.  Is it keeping the commandments? Embracing the teachings of Christ? Cleanliness of mind and spirit?  What does it mean to be holy?

Chieko Okazaki offers an interesting take on holiness.  In her book, “Aloha!”, she writes,

Se-i, the Japanese word meaning “holy” or “saintly,” is written with three characters derived from the Chinese pictographs, one the word for ear, one the word for mouth, and one the word from king.  So a holy person is someone who has her ear near the mouth of the king, so she can hear his voice easily and clearly.  Isn’t that a lovely way to think about holiness?

If Christ is our king, how do we have our ear near his mouth?  Do we feel like we can hear Christ’s voice easily and clearly?

Sister Carol F. McConkie gave a beautiful address called “The Beauty of Holiness” in the April 2017 General Conference that’s worth reading as a resource to this lesson.  In it, she says the following,

I see the beauty of holiness in sisters whose hearts are centered on all that is good, who want to become more like the Savior. They offer their whole soul, heart, might, mind, and strength to the Lord in the way that they live every day. Holiness is in the striving and the struggle to keep the commandments and to honor the covenants we have made with God. Holiness is making the choices that will keep the Holy Ghost as our guide. Holiness is setting aside our natural tendencies and becoming “a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord.” “Every moment of [our lives] must be holiness to the Lord.

I admit that this sounds intimidating and overwhelming to me.  Offering my whole soul, heart, might, mind, and strength to the Lord feels difficult when I’m driving kids to/from school, working long hours, studying late into the night, preparing meals, mowing the lawn, cleaning bathrooms, and countless other tasks that feel menial but are necessary to a functioning home and family.  Sister Chieko Okazaki recognizes this struggle, and talks a lot about in chapter 11 of her book, “Being Enough.”  She writes,

Our job is to be holy and to find holiness in what happens on Monday and Tuesday as well as what happens on Sunday.

She talks about how, if we want to be holy women, we need to have confidence in ourselves and trust in the Lord.  She goes on to say,

I want to suggest that if knowledge is power – and as an educator, I truly believe that it is – then one of the most important pieces of knowledge we can have is self-knowledge.  Yet there are powerful forces that work against self-knowledge. We are flooded with experience. We are busy from morning tonight. But what does our experience mean? What significance to our choices have? Can we see them connecting us to the sacred?

She continues to tell a story of a man who came to see Carl Jung, the famous psychologist.  Jung instructed the man to cut back his laborious work schedule and spend the evenings in his study, quiet and all alone.  So the man tried, and spent time in his study reading philosophy and listening to classical music.  After reporting no change, Jung said, “But you didn’t understand.  I didn’t want you to be with Hesse or Mozart or Mann or Chopin. I wanted you to be all alone with yourself.”  The man responded, “I can’t think of any worse company!”

Sister Okazaki continues,

Jung’s patient was drugging himself with overwork to avoid facing himself. Many of us are doing exactly the same thing, plus abusing prescription drugs, plus indulging in other self-abusive and addictive behaviors because we really don’t like ourselves very much. Please don’t misunderstand. I am certainly not claiming that no one should ever need therapy or take anti-depressants if they have the gospel… This is the real world, and we have to deal with real problems. Nobody is ever rich enough or smart enough or spiritual enough to never have any problems. What we do have – what the gospel promises us – is that we do not have to be alone and we don’t have to be fakes.

How do we develop this kind of self-knowledge and self-compassion?  She mentions five suggestions for liking ourselves better (each bullet point is a quote from her chapter, and would be easy to hand out for reading in class):

“Lighten up! Ease off! Back up! Lots of us would call the SPCA if someone were to treat the family dog the way we treat ourselves. Instead of making a job list as long as your leg, lower your expectations. Make a lit that contains only half of what you think needs to be done every day. That way, if you finish everything on the list, you can feel pleased. And if you have time to do more, you can really pat yourself on the back.”
“Enjoy each job. Even routine jobs have pleasant parts to them. Don’t wipe down the counter while you’re mentally making a list of the three phone calls you need to make next.  Really enjoy how clean the counter looks and how tidily you brushed all of those crumbs into your hand.”
“If you have a job where you don’t need to be talking or thinking about it, sing while you work. If we’re supposed to hum a hymn to crowd a temptation out of our thoughts, then why not try the same thing when you’re trying to bring more sunshine into your life?”
“Reward yourself for every job you get done. Remember in Genesis when God was creating the heavens and the earth? From the Book of Moses, we know that God the Father, Jehovah, Michael, and others were involved in this great creative effort, the culmination of a long process that had begun with spiritual creation.  And after every step, what did these creators do? Did they say, ‘Good grief, the creation of the butterflies took ten minutes longer than we had planned. Put a burst of speed on the whales. And you’re grounded tonight until you’re sure that those sunflowers are all going to turn their heads to follow the sun.’ No, they didn’t beat themselves or each other up. And they didn’t instantly plunge into the next task. They enjoyed the accomplishment. ‘And God saw that it was good.’ When we have accomplished something worthwhile, we need to savor that accomplishment.”
“Have some priorities that distinguish between ‘nice,’ ‘important,’ and ‘essential.’ Some things are important but they’re not essential… I refer to the laundry, for instance.  Nobody would write down on their list of goals when they graduate from high school that in five years they want to do the laundry. It’s important, but it’s not essential. What’s essential are the principles of cleanliness, helpfulness, and self-reliance.

Why is this self-compassion and self-knowledge so critical to holiness? Why does it matter to know ourselves if we desire to be holy?  Sister Okazaki concludes,

I’ve really stressed this point about being happy with yourself, making time for yourself, and enjoying being with yourself.  I’ve done it because I think that we don’t have strength unless we have the strength from within of knowing ourselves and liking ourselves. A weak person does not feel peaceful. A week person does not feel holy. That doesn’t mean that we should ignore our faults and shortcomings, and it doesn’t mean that we should have low standards. But it does mean that we need to be the kind of person we like to spend time with. This is the peace that comes from our strength within.

You may think that you’re important because of what you do for people – that you’re important to the world because you take care of your children or your grandchildren, or  teach lessons or volunteer at the shelter or take the Boy Scouts on hikes. You may think you count because of the salary you earn and because you provide for your family. Certainly those things are important. But those are jobs, chores, functions. They are things that someone else could do. What’s essential about you is who you are.

How does our knowledge of our divine nature as daughters of God instill a sense of holiness?

With this framework of self-compassion and self-knowledge in mind, how do we seek after holiness?  Elder Christofferson talks about how Zechariah prophesied that in the Lord’s millennial reign, “even the bells of horses would bear the inscription ‘Holiness unto the Lord.‘” How can we imprint the message of “holiness unto the Lord” on our hearts, and show it in our daily lives?

When I think about serving with holiness, I think of Heather’s experience when she was asked to help clean an apartment in her ward.  Needless to say, the apartment was filthy and required much more than Heather was prepared to take on.  She is at the brink of quitting, and says,

I try to come up with a single good reason to stay and finish cleaning. No one deserved to pay for this inhospitality. I want to be a good person. I do. But I need a way to justify this. And then it hits me. I’m cleaning for Jesus. “I’m…cleaning for…Jesus,” I say it out loud, trying on this bizarre worldview that allows me to be covered in a stranger’s piss, cleaning for a woman I don’t like, and somehow still be okay with it. I’m feeling rather pentecostal but oddly at peace as I pick up the toilet brush and say again, “I’m cleaning for Jesus” and get the last of the ring off the bowl. I spray the mirror with Windex and chant, “I’m cleaning for Jesus” with each wipe. “I’M CLEANIN‘ FOR JESUS!” I shout this mantra as I dust and and tidy, thankful that the only person within earshot is deaf. My voice is hoarse by the time I leave.

How does our seeking for holiness affect our experience with partaking of the Sacrament?  When we partake of the Sacrament, we take the name of Christ upon us.  We try to act as Jesus would act, to serve as Jesus would have served, and speak as Jesus would have spoken.  Elder Christofferson says,

Figuratively eating His flesh and drinking His blood has a further meaning, and that is to internalize the qualities and character of Christ, putting off the natural man and becoming Saints ‘through the atonement of Christ the Lord.’ As we partake of the sacramental bread and water each week, we would do well to consider how fully and completely we must incorporate His character and the pattern of His sinless life into our life and being.

In keeping with the theme of self-knowledge and self-compassion, this also means that we need to treat ourselves as Christ would treat us.  When we get discouraged, how do we talk to ourselves or think about ourselves?  Would we say the same thing to a dear friend?  Would Christ say the same thing to us?  How does internalizing the character of Christ affect how we deal with all around us, including ourselves?

I would close with a reminder of the Japanese word for holy, meaning that a holy woman is someone who has her ear near the mouth of the king.  Remind the sisters to keep their ear attuned to the voice of Christ, to imbue our actions and our attitudes with holiness, and to develop a strength of self that is rooted in the teachings of Christ and in keeping with our identities as daughters of God.

2017 Year in Review

Phew! 2017 is almost over. From reading other Year in Review posts around the web, it seems that 2017 has been rough on a lot of people. And that’s the same here, it’s been rough, but we’ve also had some great moments.

The most difficult part of the year for us was when we discovered misappropriation of our Exponent funds. However, the community has been supportive as we have been working to correct this wrong.

New for the Exponent II:

Illuminating Ladies, a coloring book of Mormon women. Here is the announcement of its arrival. And you can buy it here!

Speaking of new items in our store, you can buy stickers!

2017 is also the year that The Religious Feminism podcast has entered the scene. Show notes are under the “Religious Feminism” tag here at the blog. Check it out on iTunes and leave us a review so that others can find the podcast, too!

On the blog, we are very close to finishing all the lessons plans for the YW lessons.

Also, we dug out the Gospel Principles plans from the archive and aggregated them under the “Lessons” tab in our banner up there so they are easier to find.

We will continue to work on the RS plans for the upcoming year. With the new format, we’ll be publishing as many lesson plans on as many conference talks as we can early in the year. They’ll show up in the Relief Society Lesson section of the Lessons Tab as soon as possible.

We got 6 new bloggers this year! They are Courtney, Dani, Wendy, Becca, Chiaroscuro, and Aly. Click on their names to find their posts.

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This image is from one of Wendy’s guest posts. To see more images of Mormon women at the Women’s Marches, click here.

Top Posts of 2017

5. Guest Post: Temple Recommend, by Anonymous

4. Becca’s Songs of a Fat Mormon Woman

3. Virginal Sex, a guest post by Anonymous

2. Liz’s My Ninety-Five Theses for Today’s Mormon Church

1. Facing the Racism in Mormonism, a guest post by Molly Hogan

Most Commented on Posts

5. Guest Post: Guardians of the First Veil

4. Em’s Don’t Tell Me I Don’t Understand the Priesthood

3. April Young Bennett’s Q&A: Why aren’t Mormon feminists thrilled with the new LDS temple baptistry policy?

2. Liz’s My Ninety-Five Theses for Today’s Mormon Church

1. Violadiva’s Temple Doctrine and church culture: It’s bad but it’s {not?} getting better.

Top Search Terms

One of these is a bit …. hmmm… We might be getting traffic we don’t normally cater to!

5. relief society lesson helps

4. the exponent

3. amazon

2. mother’s day hymns, hymns for mother’s day, mothers day hymns, hymns for mothers day

1. Virgin sex, sex virgin

 

As always, we welcome guest posts – in fact, guest posts are up there as some of the most viewed and commented on. And don’t forget to submit articles or artwork to the magazine. Remember that we are only the Internet-facing aspect of the Exponent II. We are here to support the magazine- go renew or buy a subscription!

Relief Society Lesson: Jesus Christ is our example of honoring the Sabbath

[image error]In preparing this outline, I copied and pasted all the scriptures they suggested we study into a word document for easy reference.  It made six pages, single spaced.  This amount of text is overwhelming for any class to try to absorb.  I assume that anyone reading this post either has or intends to do the full scripture reading themselves, so I will not reiterate each scripture here.  Instead I provide a short bullet-pont summary.

What did Jesus do on the Sabbath?

Luke 6:

Picked corn, rubbed it between fingers
Disagreed openly with Pharisees
Quoted scripture
Taught in the synagogue
Read thoughts
Healed the man’s withered hand

Luke 13:

Healed a woman’s infirmity, seemingly a form of paralysis or a spinal issue
She glorifies God
He rebukes hypocrisy

John 5

Says to paralyzed man “take up thy bed and walk”
Testified of God to Pharisees, who were upset
Testifies he is the Son of God

John 9

Heals congenitally blind man
Explains that infirmities are not the result of sin
Makes clay
Testifies he does the Father’s work
Gives directions – he told the man to go to the pool of Siloam

In putting together this summary I noticed a few patterns of what the Savior did on the Sabbath

He rebukes hypocrisy and speaks truth to power regardless of personal risk
He does good for other people, especially those who he doesn’t know at all but whose needs present themselves
He testifies of God

To me, then, these three points form a good framework for discussion. One approach would be to divide into three groups, each with a designated facilitator (possibly warned in advance and armed with some discussion questions) to really delve in.  Alternatively, the entire class could discuss each topic collectively. 

Speaking Truth to Power

In every one of these stories, the Pharisees or the hypocrites murmer together and are upset by why Jesus is doing.

How do we sometimes act like Pharisees in this respect? What tendencies do we have as a culture to impose our own practices on the Sabbath worship of others? How can we become more like Christ and less like the Pharisees?
The Pharisees in this context were bullies, planning to hurt Christ. Have you even encountered bullying at church? At home? Professionally?

What does Christ’s example teach us about responding to these threats?
How can we identify bullying within our own congregations/homes and change these negative patterns?
How can you know if you are acting like a bully?
What are positive strategies for letting church leaders know if their approach to leadership is autocratic or harmful (however unintentional it may be?)


Is activism an appropriate Sabbath activity? In what ways?

Have you ever written to a lawmaker or other authority figure to express your views? Have you ever made public issues a matter of personal prayer followed by action? What were these experiences like for you?


Women in particular are often conditioned to be silent and to get along. How is speaking up compatible with meekness? Can a gentle personality also be bold? What can we do as a Relief Society to practice following the Savior’s example in speaking up when we need to? How can we better support one another as moral voices?

Doing good for others

Christ was on the lookout for opportunities to connect with those who are often overlooked

What groups of people are frequently marginalized? Has anyone had meaningful experiences serving with groups in this category?


Christ found creative solutions

Anointing eyes with mud has never before or since been a way of helping someone’s vision.
Have you ever had a creative solution to a problem? How can we be supportive of unconventional solutions from leaders? In what ways are our attitudes sometimes barriers to spiritual innovation?


Christ talked about it being lawful to do good on the Sabbath. How can you decide in your own life whether something fits with what the Savior would want?

 

Testifying of Christ and of the Father

When others questioned his actions, Christ explained that he was doing what the Father would want.

How can you bear testimony of Christ and the Father?
What actions can you do on the Sabbath to bear a non-verbal testimony of the Father?

Value beyond Measure by President Joy D. Jones Lesson Plan

[image error]In her 2017 talk, Value beyond Measure, General Primary President Joy D. Jones explains the concept of individual worth. This is a value that LDS girls study in detail during the Young Women program, but which applies just as well to Primary children, young men and adults.  Jones’ talk built on many of the principles described by her predecessor, President Rosemary M. Wixom, in her 2015 talk about another related Young Women value: divine nature. I will bring in insights from both Jones’ talk and Wixom’s talk: Discovering the Divinity Within.

Differentiating between Worth and Worthiness

As you discuss these quotes and scriptures,  keep a running list on the whiteboard of clarifications between worth and worthiness.

Let me point out the need to differentiate between two critical words: worth and worthiness. They are not the same. Spiritual worth means to value ourselves the way Heavenly Father values us, not as the world values us. Our worth was determined before we ever came to this earth. “God’s love is infinite and it will endure forever.” (D. Todd Christofferson, 2016)

On the other hand, worthiness is achieved through obedience. If we sin, we are less worthy, but we are never worth less! We continue to repent and strive to be like Jesus with our worth intact. As President Brigham Young taught: “The least, the most inferior spirit now upon the earth … is worth worlds.” (Brigham Young, 1861) No matter what, we always have worth in the eyes of our Heavenly Father. -President Joy D. Jones

Our divine nature has nothing to do with our personal accomplishments, the status we achieve, the number of marathons we run, or our popularity and self-esteem. Our divine nature comes from God. It was established in an existence that preceded our birth and will continue on into eternity. –President Rosemary M Wixom

The worth of a soul is its capacity to become as God. -an LDS Elders Quorum President, as quoted by Thomas S. Monson

Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God; For, behold, the Lord your Redeemer suffered death in the flesh; wherefore he suffered the pain of all men, that all men might repent and come unto him. Doctrine and Covenants 18:10-11

After the discussion, your list may look like this:

Worth
Worthiness




the way God and Christ value us
not how the world values us
constant/does not change
great/infinite
unaffected by sins or accomplishments
equal to our potential to become like God




achieved with obedience
temporarily lessened with sin
returns with repentance

Why do we need to distinguish between worth and worthiness?  How does failing to differentiate affect the way we think about ourselves and others? How does it affect how we treat ourselves and others?

Applying Our Understanding to Daily Life

Invite class members to silently read this excerpt from Value beyond Measure by General Primary President Joy D. Jones, looking for things they should do and should not do to apply their understanding of their divine worth to their daily lives. After time for silent reading, invite class members to help you make a list of do’s and don’ts on the board.

Despite this marvelous truth, how many of us struggle, from time to time, with negative thoughts or feelings about ourselves? I do. It’s an easy trap. Satan is the father of all lies, especially when it comes to misrepresentations about our own divine nature and purpose. Thinking small about ourselves does not serve us well. Instead it holds us back. As we’ve often been taught, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” (Eleanor Roosevelt) We can stop comparing our worst to someone else’s best. “Comparison is the thief of joy.” (Theodore Roosevelt)

The Lord revealed this additional truth to the Prophet Joseph Smith: “He that receiveth of God, let him account it of God; and let him rejoice that he is accounted of God worthy to receive.” Doctrine and Covenants 50:34 When we feel the Spirit, as this verse explains, we recognize that what we feel comes from our Heavenly Father. We acknowledge Him and praise Him for blessing us. We then rejoice that we are counted worthy to receive.

Imagine that you are reading the scriptures one morning and the Spirit softly whispers to you that what you are reading is true. Can you recognize the Spirit and be happy that you felt His love and were worthy to receive?

Mothers, you might be kneeling next to your four-year-old as he says his bedtime prayer. A feeling flows over you as you listen. You feel warmth and peace. The feeling is brief, but you recognize that you, at that moment, are counted worthy to receive. We may seldom, if ever, receive huge spiritual manifestations in our lives; but we can frequently savor the sweet whisperings of the Holy Ghost verifying the truth of our spiritual worth.

In contrast, the Lord assures us that when we have virtuous thoughts, He will bless us with confidence, even the confidence to know who we really are. There’s never been a more crucial time to heed His words. “Let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly,” He said. “Then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God; and … the Holy Ghost shall be thy constant companion.” D&C 121:45-46

Sisters, because of what He did for us, “we are bound to him by loving ties.” (Edward L. Hart, Our Savior’s Love, Hymn 113) He said, “My Father sent me that I might be lifted up upon the cross; and after that I had been lifted up upon the cross, that I might draw all men unto me.” 3 Nephi 27:14

King Benjamin also explained this binding connection with our Savior: “And lo, he shall suffer temptations, and pain of body, hunger, thirst, and fatigue, even more than man can suffer, except it be unto death; for behold, blood cometh from every pore, so great shall be his anguish for the wickedness and the abominations of his people.” Mosiah 3:7 That suffering and the results of that suffering fill our hearts with love and gratitude. Elder Paul E. Koelliker taught, “As we remove the distractions that pull us toward the world and exercise our agency to seek Him, we open our hearts to a celestial force which draws us toward Him.” (Paul E. Koelliker, 2012) If the love we feel for the Savior and what He did for us is greater than the energy we give to weaknesses, self-doubts, or bad habits, then He will help us overcome the things which cause suffering in our lives. He saves us from ourselves.

Let me reemphasize: if the pull of the world is stronger than the faith and trust we have in the Savior, then the pull of the world will prevail every time. If we choose to focus on our negative thoughts and doubt our worth instead of clinging to the Savior, it becomes more difficult to feel the impressions of the Holy Ghost.

Sisters, let’s not be confused about who we are! While it is often easier to be spiritually passive than it is to put forth the spiritual effort to remember and embrace our divine identity, we cannot afford that indulgence in these latter days. May we, as sisters, “be faithful in Christ; … may Christ lift [us] up, and may his sufferings and death, … and his mercy and long-suffering, and the hope of his glory and of eternal life, rest in [our minds] forever.” Moroni 9:25 As the Savior lifts us to higher ground, we can see more clearly not only who we are but also that we are closer to Him than we ever imagined. In the sacred name of Jesus Christ, amen.

President Jones reminds us to let virtue garnish our thoughts.  Often, when we talk about virtuous thoughts, we are referring to chaste thoughts, but President Jones uses the term differently.  How does she describe virtuous thoughts? How can we work toward having more virtuous thoughts about ourselves?

Share and discuss these quotes from President Rosemary M. Wixom.  Look for additional ideas to add your list of do’s and don’ts:

Looking out through a window, not just into a mirror, allows us to see ourselves as His. We naturally turn to Him in prayer, and we are eager to read His words and to do His will. We are able to take our validation vertically from Him, not horizontally from the world around us or from those on Facebook or Instagram.-President Rosemary M Wixom

What does it mean to look “out through a window” instead of “into a mirror”? To take validation “vertically” instead of “horizontally”? How can we apply this counsel in our lives?

Because you are His child, He knows who you can become. He knows your fears and your dreams. He relishes your potential. He waits for you to come to Him in prayer. Because you are His child, you not only need Him, but He also needs you. Those sitting around you right now in this meeting need you. The world needs you, and your divine nature allows you to be His trusted disciple to all His children. Once we begin to see the divinity in ourselves, we can see it in others.-President Rosemary M Wixom

Why would God need us?  How is “relishing” your potential different than simply “knowing” your potential?

In addition to the do’s and don’ts class members have gathered by reading Jones’ and Wixom’s words, invite class members to provide additional ideas based on their personal experiences.  After your class discussion, your list might look like this:

Do
Don’t




show gratitude
acknowledge our worthiness to receive daily gifts of the Spirit
seek help from Christ
pray
see the divinity in others




think small about ourselves
be spiritually passive
compare ourselves to others
seek validation from social circles

 

 

Relief Society Lesson: Sharon Eubank “Turn On Your Light”

The new teaching module encourages a discussion-style approach to lessons.  Since that means that the teacher is really a facilitator, to me the preparation you need is a good arsenal of open-ended questions.  This post will therefore primarily consist of possible angles for discussion.  Since the talk itself is already offered by a woman there is less call to bring in female voices, in my opinion.

The friendships that Relief Society women, young women, and Primary girls build with sincere, faithful, godly women and girls of other faiths and beliefs will be a significant force in how the Church grows in the last days.

Think about a meaningful friendship you’ve had with a nonmember.  How did you meet? What brought you together? What interests did you share? Did belonging to different faiths present challenges? Opportunities?
If you don’t currently have non-member friends, what barriers have kept you from doing so? What changes can you make in your life to expand your circle of friendship?
What can we do as a ward/branch to build meaningful bonds with women outside our faith community?
Notice that the talk doesn’t say we should make friends for the purpose of converting them, though of course it would be wonderful if someone did join the church.  What are benefits of friendship without a goal to convert? What can friendship outside the faith offer to you? How have you grown and changed in positive ways by having friends outside of the church?

President Kimball called these women from other backgrounds “heroines” who will be more concerned with being righteous than selfish, who will show us that integrity is more valuable than visibility.

What women in your life (that you know personally, or admire from afar) do you consider to be models of integrity? What does it mean to you to have integrity?
Who are some women that you think of as heroines?
How is righteousness the opposite of selfishness?

Being righteous doesn’t mean being perfect or never making mistakes.  Women who have repented change the course of history.

How can repentance change history?
What does being righteous mean to you?

Being articulate means to clearly express how you feel about something and why.

How can you become more articulate? Do you have role models you admire who are articulate?
What barriers do women face that can make speaking up difficult? How can we as a Relief Society work to overcome these barriers?

Be distinct.  Distinct means to be recognizably well defined. . . we need to practice living the gospel before the emergency so that, unafraid, we will be strong enough to help when others are being swept away by the current.

We often talk about how we, as a people, need to stand apart.  What about on an individual level? What do you do to be distinct within the Gospel? Are your personal beliefs well defined?
How can we work to be clear within ourselves about what we personally believe?  How is distinctiveness an advantage within the church?

Being happy doesn’t mean to slap a plastic smile on your face no matter what is going on.  But it does mean keeping the laws of God and building and lifting others.  When we build, when we lift the burden of others, it blesses our lives in ways our trials cannot take away.

What does it mean to you to “build?” How can you be a builder?
What is the distinction for you between being happy and appearing happy? Do you feel you can tell the difference in someone else?
How does social media play a role in doing things “in happy ways?” How do we sometimes “slap on a plastic smile” in our lives? What can we do to be more authentic? [image error]

“Listening to Winter”: The Spiritual Practice of Hope

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On December 21st I attended a Winter Solstice celebration at a local Unitarian church. It’s become an annual ritual for me—an acknowledgment of the long, dark winter and the wisdom and beauty this season holds. I was so moved by a poem that was read aloud during the program that I requested permission to share it here.

Macrina Wiederkehr’s “Listening to Winter” (reprinted below) reminds me that there is no light without darkness, no growth without pain, no faith without doubt, no hope without despair. I imagine I am not alone in feeling some measure of hopelessness about the state of the world, and the stance of the LDS Church when it comes to LGBTQIA+, women’s, and children’s issues. Many of us are working tirelessly to advocate for the vulnerable in our country, communities, and church despite what can feel like insurmountable opposition. And yet, sitting in the candlelit reverence of this year’s Winter Solstice gathering I felt a seed of hope growing inside me. This poem and the image above of purple tulips rising up from the cold, snowy earth are things I am holding onto this winter.

I may not live to see the changes I long to see in the world, and in the church that I love. But for the next few months I want to engage in the spiritual practice of “listening [for] sparks of hope within the darkness” and “a beauty that sometimes remains unseen.”

“Listening to Winter” by Macrina Wiederkehr

The trees have shed their colorful autumn robes.

Winter is raging through the dark, empty branches

and I am listening.

I am listening to the roar and to the quiet of winter.

I am listening to a beauty that sometimes remains unseen.

I am listening.

I am listening to the seed hidden in the earth.

I am listening to the dark swallowing up the light.

I am listening to faith rising out of doubt.

I am listening to the need to believe without seeing.

I am listening.

I am listening to the season of contemplation,

to the urgency of our world’s need for reflection.

I am listening to all that waits within the earth,

to bulbs and seeds,

to deep roots dreaming.

I am listening to the sacred winter rest.

I am listening.

I am listening to long nights,

comforting darkness,

fruitful darkness,

beautiful darkness.

I am listening to the darkness of the winter season.

I am listening to the sparks of hope within the darkness.

I am listening.

I am listening to storms raging out my window,

to storms raging in my heart.

I am listening to all that makes me pull my cloak a little tighter.

I am listening to trust buried deep in the ground of my being.

I am listening.

I am listening to the kind permission of the season

to rest more often,

to reflect more deeply,

to pray without words.

I am listening to the sacrament of non-doing.

I am listening.

I am listening to my dreams and inner visions,

to the unknown wrapped in the mystery of my life,

to tears trapped in underground streams of my being,

to seeds watered daily by those tears.

I am listening.

I am listening to the quiet life in winter’s womb.

I am listening to winter, nurturing spring.

I am listening to brilliant winter sunsets

and lovely frosty mornings.

I am listening to snowflakes flying through the air,

to the cold winds that often blow out there,

to bare trees, so lovely in their emptiness,

to one leaf that never did let go.

I am listening.

I am listening to winter

handing over to spring.

I am listening to the poetry of winter.

I am listening.

 

[Image: “Flowers & Snow,” Kate J, Flickr]

Guest Post: Being Disfellowshipped at 14

[image error]By JB

Trigger warning: suicidal thoughts, ecclesiastical abuse

The other day, I found myself reading through the journal entries I’d written both before and after I was formally disfellowshipped from the Church.

I was disfellowshipped when I was 14 years old.

Like many Mormon girls my age growing up on the Wasatch front, the LDS church was my whole life. My family went to church weekly, had scripture study every morning at 6 am. I attended mutual every week, sang in the ward choir, and often accompanied my ever-faithful dad on the visits he made for his calling. As a Mia Maid, my journal was full of the kinds of silly yet excited exclamations one might expect from a 14 year old girl whose whole world was wrapped up in Mormonism: “So excited for mutual tonight!” “I can’t wait to meet a return missionary and get married in the temple someday!”  (I kid you not, there’s even an entry that says “Ward choir tonight was SO AWESOME!”)

While I was an outwardly typical Mormon girl in many ways, there were some things about my past and personality that made me feel different. One was that my mom and my biological dad had been through a messy divorce when I was pretty young. Another was that, as a young child, I’d often been exposed to adults viewing and acting on sexually explicit material. And another was that by the time I was 14, I’d known for several years that my feelings towards both boys and girls didn’t jive with what I was taught that I ought to feel and aspire to as a girl in a very heteronormative church.

I was about 9 when I first tried to tell my mom that I felt that something wasn’t right with me. I remember that we were on our way to Chuckie Cheese. I remember how broken I felt as I sobbed hysterically and cried, “Mom, I’m a lesbian!” over and over. I remember my well-meaning mother calmly reassuring me that I wasn’t and telling me to stop worrying about it. And I remember deciding that it was better not to talk about it anymore.

Five years later, I found myself in a Bishop’s office with a man 40+ years older than me asking me questions.

“Did you have her kiss your breasts?” I remember him asking me. “Did you have her lick your breasts?” he asked, staring right at me. My answers to both had been no; I’d touched her chest and she’d touched mine, yes. We’d kissed, but that was all. I’d told him all that, this old man that I’d been taught to revere, this man that had so much power and authority over me, but still the questions kept coming. The girl was a relative and two years younger, and it was clear from his use of the word “have” that because I was older that he thought I had been acting predatorily.

Eventually, the questions ended, and my bishop began to spell out my sentence.

“It were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones,” he read aloud from Luke.

“Do you know what that means?” he asked. I didn’t respond. I couldn’t. “That it is better to be killed than it is to have done what you did.”

He told me too about what would happen when I died: that I would stand there with everyone I’d ever known in front of a giant screen, whereon they would see in detail every disgusting and sinful choice I’d ever made. I would be disfellowshipped, he then told me. And then came the worst part: if I didn’t repent, he told me, I wouldn’t be able to be with my family in heaven.

I remember sitting there drenched in shame, self-loathing, and confusion.

After being disfellowshipped, I was immediately released from my calling in Young Women. Per my bishop’s suggestion to my parents, I was no longer allowed to babysit, which had been something I’d done almost weekly and had been a source of confidence and purpose. Sacrament meeting now left me feeling anxious every time it was time for the sacrament and I wondered whether the boys my age passing the bread and water would notice that I was the only one on my pew who had to refuse the sacrament.

Once at a mutual activity that wasn’t at the church, I remember being asked by one of the young men to say the opening prayer. I remember how my face grew instantly hot and how deeply I was reminded of how deviant and disgusting God thought I was. I remember how my thoughts spun around in my head: “We’re not at the church, so does that mean that I can pray? Or am I not supposed to? Does that mean that Heavenly Father doesn’t want me to pray at all, ever? That I’m so gross and wicked that God doesn’t want to hear anything from me?” After a few awkward seconds I finally mumbled that I couldn’t. I remember wanting to disappear.

The tone of my journal entries change dramatically after the day I was disfellowshipped.

“I will never be able to be married in the temple now,” I wrote soon after my meeting with the Bishop. “I am a horrible person,” I wrote, “no wonder my parents hate me.”

I never wrote explicitly about what I’d done or what I’d experienced or felt after being disfellowshipped. I don’t think I could bring myself to write about something I didn’t yet have the language or tools to adequately process or understand. But after this experience, I started to refer to myself in my journal as “(my name) 1” when I was feeling OK and “(my name) 2” when I started to hate myself. My anxiety worsened dramatically, and after being disfellowshipped, my journal is suddenly littered with suicidal entries: “I feel dark and alone… I sometimes wonder if it would be better if I were just dead so no one would have to deal with me,” one of them reads.

I wasn’t a perfect child by any means and will never claim to be. What I did as a 14 year old girl wasn’t great or ideal. But I can’t help but wonder sometimes how my life might have taken a different course had I left that Bishop’s office as a 14 year old girl feeling that while what I had done had been wrong, that I was still loved and precious and whole. I sometimes wonder how much of an impact being disfellowshipped had on so many of the things I’ve dealt with in the 15 years since: how terribly I’ve struggled to feel that God loves me; how every time my car broke down or I had another panic attack or my anxiety made it difficult to even get out of bed in the morning I wondered if it was punishment from God for never being good enough to deserve His love and protection. When I struggled with infertility, and later, when I miscarried, the feeling that stayed with me through it all was that all of this was God letting me have the pain that someone like me deserved.

Fifteen years later, my views of God have improved dramatically. This wasn’t easy work: a year of intense weekly therapy with a non-judgmental, understanding LDS therapist and then eventually, finding the courage to find a home for my faith outside of Mormonism has allowed me to connect with a Savior whose love is unconditional and freely-given. I am finally healing from the shame that I felt so deeply as a Mormon teenager who experienced things and made choices that I didn’t understand how to process or frame. But I don’t want that to be the takeaway from this post.

What I worry about as a mother, and as an older sister and aunt to so many amazing Mormon kids and teens, is the ways that parts of Mormon culture tells young people who already face so much uncertainty and self-doubt that they are less than. The worst of this shows up with how “serious” sins committed by children and teens are too often dealt with in the church. I recognize that my situation might be extreme. Most Bishops (I hope, at least) wouldn’t look a teenager in the face and tell them that it would be better if they were dead, and most (I assume) wouldn’t disfellowship a 14 year old girl for doing what I did. But I know from so many conversations with so many people that leaving a Bishop’s office with an overwhelming feeling of worthlessness isn’t an experience that is unique to me, and I know too that I’m not the only Mormon girl who has had to undergo therapy and seek God elsewhere to work through the shame that their experiences with Mormon men in power brought them.

My hope for Mormonism is that eventually, it will learn to better convey that the worth of souls truly is infinite in God’s eyes. That Mormonism will learn to accept that human sexuality is normal and good. That Mormonism will come to understand that giving men the power to decide who can and cannot be part of the fold and who is and isn’t worthy of belonging and love is unhealthy and damaging.

Until then, I have three pleas for my Mormon friends:

1)     Please consider not allowing your children to be interviewed alone.

2)     If you choose to allow your children to be interviewed alone by a Bishop or Stake President, please educate them. Please make it very clear to them what kinds of questions are appropriate and which are not, and remind them to listen to what the Spirit is telling them in these interviews. Does a question that is being asked make them feel uncomfortable? Is something that their leader is telling them leaving them with the feeling that they aren’t worthy of God’s love? Remind them that nothing they ever do will disqualify them from God’s love or yours, and that while their leaders are good people, there are situations and experiences that Bishops trained as accountants or surgeons or dentists or lawyers cannot possibly have the necessary insight to offer sufficient counsel for.

3)     Remove shame from everything you say: from how you deal with your child’s misbehavior to how you describe God to how you talk about yourself. When shame is used over the pulpit to try to motivate people to change or toe the line, talk openly with your children afterwards about how and why you feel differently. Talk about how you feel about things like disfellowshipment and excommunication. Would God work in that way? And if so, in what situations and why? Does separation from a person’s family and support system foster or harm spiritual growth?

My intent here isn’t to say that the LDS church is all bad. My biggest hope is that we can recognize the places where it does fail, though, and take steps to ensure that others don’t have deal with unnecessary shame and pain brought on by some of the church’s current practices. Let’s help make the church a better place for future generations.

Exceeding Great and Precious Promises by David A. Bednar Lesson Plan

Here is the the paragraph of instruction that the Church provides on lds.org, regarding Elder Bednar’s Talk, Exceeding Great and Precious Promises.

To help members of your Relief Society or quorum discuss Elder Bednar’s message, you could put pictures on the board to represent the Sabbath, the temple, and our homes. Invite members to read the corresponding sections of Elder Bednar’s message and write on the board how the Sabbath day, the temple, and our homes help us focus on God’s promises to us. What things in our lives might pull our attention away from these promises? What steps can we take to make sure that we remember them?

Bednar’s talk starts,

“One of the great challenges each of us faces every day is to not allow the concerns of this world to so dominate our time and energy that we neglect the eternal things that matter most.”

I am using this as the thesis of this lesson: working on focusing on eternal matters and relationships and not being distracted by less important items that eat our time.

The title of this talk comes from 2 Peter 1:3-4,

According as his divine power hath given unto us all things that pertain unto life and godliness, through the knowledge of him that hath called us to glory and virtue:

Whereby are given unto us exceeding great and precious promises: that by these ye might be partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust.

In these verses, Peter tells us that we are given exceeding great and precious promises through knowing Christ. This is what we should focus our spiritual life on.

How do we know Christ? Are you growing your knowledge of Christ? How? Do you know more of Him today than yesterday? A year ago? Is your relationship with Him more intimate? Is there evidence of continued growth? What does that look like in your life?

Bednar speaks about sacred time and sacred space. He puts the Sabbath in the “sacred time” category, the temple in the “sacred space” category, and our homes in both categories. This feels very naturally Venn Diagram-like. As a class activity, I’d probably draw a couple of large overlapping circles on the board and ask the class to help fill them in.

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In each circle, the class could list other kinds of sacred time/space in the circles. For example, holidays, family events like baptisms, or daily personal prayer might be considered sacred time.

Where and when do you work on developing a relationship with Christ? Has that changed throughout your life? 

I will not spend any lesson time here on Sabbath because we’ll be getting a lesson dedicated solely on the Sabbath every month for the next while. I don’t think the class will mind.

The Temple

Concerning the “great and precious promises” Peter speaks of in the verses above, President Bonnie D. Parkin states,

“Covenants—or binding promises between us and Heavenly Father—are essential for our eternal progression. Step-by-step, He tutors us to become like Him by enlisting us in His work. At baptism we covenant to love Him with all our hearts and love our sisters and brothers as ourselves. In the temple we further covenant to be obedient, selfless, faithful, honorable, charitable. We covenant to make sacrifices and consecrate all that we have. Forged through priesthood authority, our kept covenants bring blessings to fill our cups to overflowing. How often do you reflect that your covenants reach beyond mortality and connect you to the Divine? Making covenants is the expression of a willing heart; keeping covenants, the expression of a faithful heart.”

How has the temple been a sacred space for you? Do you have an experience to share when you’ve felt closer to Christ in the temple? Do you reflect on your covenants made there?

The Home

I think I’d want to spend more lesson time here, after all, we typically have more opportunities to be at home than we do at the temple.

Chieko Okazaki stated,

“There is great diversity in LDS homes. But all of these homes can be righteous homes where individuals love each other, love the Lord, and strengthen each other.”

How do you make your home a sacred space? What distractions exist there? How do you cut through those distractions?

When I first read “eternal things that matter most” at the beginning of the talk, my thoughts went straight to our relationships: family, friends. Those relationships are what will help us in the hard times in our life and what we’ll carry with us to the next.

How do you improve your relationships with your family and friends. Has there been a time when you’ve had to really work to repair a broken relationship? How did you do that?

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Photo by Keith Rawley. Used under the CC BY-SA 2.0 license.

Other related lesson plans on sacred space, time, and Christ in our archives:

Young Woman lesson plan: Increasing the Power of Personal Prayer
Relief Society Lesson 1: Jesus Christ- Our Only Way to Hope and Joy
Relief Society Lesson 24: Reflections on the Mission of Jesus Christ
Relief Society Lesson 4: Help from on High
Relief Society Lesson 11: GBH – Home: The Basis of a Righteous Life

A Bit of Hope for the New Year

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I have a confession to make. I have been rather grinchy. I am not proud of this. It seems that I’ve been in a bad mood for over a year now. It has been difficult to be cheerful and optimistic. I am really struggling with the direction our country is taking, and live in a very conservative town. I have many friends and neighbors that are happy with the current administration. I feel greatly conflicted about these good people, since it seems they are, at best, stupid, or at worst, evil. Which makes me judgemental. And possibly a jerk. I don’t really want to belabor this, but my general outlook has been gloomy. Christmas kind of snuck up on me. We didn’t get our tree until last Saturday, I didn’t decorate much, and have been quite “bah humbugish” about it all.

Even Christmas music has been getting on my nerves. “Baby, it’s cold outside” just doesn’t feel festive, it is creepy, in this #metoo time. So by the time Christmas Eve Sunday rolled around I was unfortunately in a bit of a funk. Thankfully, we had only Sacrament Meeting, which was mostly Christmas hymns. I am not a good singer, but since my husband is the choir director, I sing with the choir, and the program we practiced went well. The bishop asked if the choir could go and sing to some ward members that aren’t well enough to attend church. So we all met up at an elderly couple’s home. The brother has many health problem, and has had a foot amputated. The sister has severe dementia. We crowded into their home, and filled the room. The sister clearly didn’t recognize any of us, but had a bemused smile on her face. As we shared our songs with them, her husband was very appreciative. But our sister, who had been our ward chorister for years, sang along. She remembered every single word. There was hardly a dry eye in the house. The room was full of spirit and love. I felt something unfamiliar, and perhaps it was that my small heart grew three sizes that day. It felt miraculous to me.

I still don’t know how to understand my neighbors and their views. But on Christmas Eve Sunday, in a small home filled with saints, I felt again my love for them. All was calm, all was bright. I felt a glimmer of hope, of belief that surely what we share is greater than our differences. I did not see a bunch of misinformed voters, I saw my brothers and sisters. It was a tiny moment of true Christmas spirit. In this new year I will try to remember that feeling as I work toward peace and maybe even understanding in my heart.