Exponent II's Blog, page 188

Jana Riess: The stubborn faithfulness of liberal Latter-day Saints

https://www.sltrib.com/religion/2019/12/12/jana-riess-stubborn/

Subscription Raffle 12/13/19

[image error]Welcome to the 2019 Exponent II subscription drive! Every day, we are randomly selecting a name from the list of people who have subscribed or bought a gift subscription for someone else between November 26 – December 24. The item we are giving away tomorrow (for subscriptions purchased today) is an amigurumi Ruth Bader Ginsburg doll handmade by Margaret Olsen Hemming, Exponent II editor.

You can subscribe at our online store here. Subscribing to Exponent II is the best way you can financially support our entire organization. Thank you for being a part of our community.

Subscription Raffle 12/12/19

[image error]Welcome to the 2019 Exponent II subscription drive! Every day, we are randomly selecting a name from the list of people who have subscribed or bought a gift subscription for someone else between November 26 – December 24. The item we are giving away tomorrow (for subscriptions purchased today) is a “Well-Behaved Women Seldom Make History” t-shirt from Left of Provo.

You can subscribe at our online store here. Subscribing to Exponent II is the best way you can financially support our entire organization. Thank you for being a part of our community.

 

 

 

#EqualAccess Series Guest Post: Nice Disabled Girl (link to podcast included)

by Shelby Hintze

This post is part of The Exponent’s #EqualAccess Series. Disabled voices rarely get a chance to speak for themselves, but this blog series seeks to eliminate the stigma that disabled people are less than, and need a representative to speak on their behalf. This blog series is intended to break stereotypes by gathering the voices of disabled individuals. #DisabilityExperience

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Author sits in her wheelchair at her place of work, smiling directly at the camera.

Being a single, visibly disabled, Mormon, woman is quite the lesson in contradictions.

Multiple and replenish the Earth! But not you sister, surely God has other plans.

Come to our activities and fellowship! Oh except for you sister, we didn’t think about the stairs to the Bishop’s house when we planned this!

Lose yourself in service! Oh sister, the greatest service you can give us is anecdotes for our talks about how we served you!

But quite possibly the biggest contradiction I think we all face doesn’t seem like a contradiction at all. Being Nice vs Being Kind.

Elouise Ball wrote this “The Nice Creed” and I share a bit of it here:

We believe in being Nice,
in speaking softly at all times, even when loud objection may be more logical;
in saying nothing in response to minor inconveniences such as being jostled on a bus, or relegated to a back seat, or not being allowed to ride at all, or being run over by the bus;

How often have we been run over by a (hopefully) metaphorical bus in order to stay nice? Worse yet, have we allowed others to get smooshed in the name of being nice?

I tried to write the intro to this a million times. I wanted to be honest and real. But everything I wrote sounded too bitter, angry. And I realized I was doing it to myself. Again. I wasn’t allowing myself to share truth (sometimes truth is a little snarky!) because I wanted to be nice!

I’ve realized in my life that our Heavenly Parents so commonly live in the gray space. I’m comfortable there. I’ve had to be. What does Bane say? I was shaped by the gray space?

What is a right decision for one person may not be for another. What might be right right now wasn’t right 10 years ago. And there’s a wide gap between being nice and being kind.

Kind isn’t always nice. It’s not always sweet. It’s not pained smiles. It’s forgiving and it’s flipping tables.

I had the opportunity to share an experience in which I wasn’t exactly nice but I tried to lean into being kind.

Now being an inspiration can be kind of exhausting. Generally when someone says I’m an inspiration, it means “I’m so inspired, I realized my life doesn’t suck as much as yours!” But as long as this inspires you to seek kindness, I’m all right with it.

Audio: https://www.thebeehive.com/strangerville-podcast-2/ *

Transcription: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1v...

Bio: Shelby Hintze is a TV news producer in Salt Lake City because she likes being able to make sure people have the best information to make decisions about their lives. She also really likes being in charge. She is disabled (keep your euphemisms, please), has used a wheelchair for 24 years and has heard all your jokes. You can find her on Twitter @shelbyhintze where she shares all of her opinions, some of them good.

This post is part of The Exponent’s #EqualAccess Series and concludes are daily #EqualAccess posts, but we continue to accept submissions for this ongoing series at exponentblog@gmail.com.

*Editor’s Note: Shelby’s piece starts around ten minutes in.

Subscription Raffle 12/11/19

Welcome to the 2019 Exponent II subscription drive! Every day, we are randomly [image error]selecting a name from the list of people who have subscribed or bought a gift subscription for someone else between November 26 – December 24. The item we are giving away tomorrow (for subscriptions purchased today) is a set of notecards made from photos by Linda Hoffman Kimball.

You can subscribe at our online store here. Subscribing to Exponent II is the best way you can financially support our entire organization. Thank you for being a part of our community.

#EqualAccess Guest Series Post: On Forgetting You’re Sick

by Serena Maxwell (originally posted on my blog on May 7, 2019)

This post is part of The Exponent’s #EqualAccess Series. Disabled voices rarely get a chance to speak for themselves, but this blog series seeks to eliminate the stigma that disabled people are less than, and need a representative to speak on their behalf. This blog series is intended to break stereotypes by gathering the voices of disabled individuals. #DisabilityExperience

In the image below, the author has long brown hair and smiles over her shoulder at the camera.

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Sometimes I forget I have Narcolepsy and Cataplexy. Sometimes I don’t park in the handicapped spot because I feel great, and I don’t want to take it away from someone who needs it more. Sometimes I wake up at a reasonable time in the morning and have plenty of energy to make the phone calls I need to make, to talk to my friends and family, to apply for jobs, to watch a tv show, to read a book. Sometimes I even go to bed before midnight.

But then, all of a sudden, days like this come and I’m reminded that I do, indeed, have a chronic neurological sleep disorder, with all of its ensuing side effects. I’m reminded that the only reason I’m able to forget I have Narcolepsy and Cataplexy is because I haven’t been living “normally” or trying to fit myself into a schedule that isn’t catered towards someone with excessive daytime sleepiness, or because I haven’t gone on any hiking dates recently, or let myself play dodgeball. I’m currently in between jobs, which means I get to sleep as much or as little as my body demands and cater my social schedule to my sleeping schedule.

These days inevitably come, when, despite getting a good seven or eight hours of sleep, there’s this pressure behind my eyes, this fogginess in my head that overwhelms me after taking a shower, and I lay down and take a two hour nap, just three hours after waking up for the day. When I wake from the nap the fogginess has cleared slightly, the pressure has abated, but now my limbs are trembling, my hands shaking and causing typos as I write this blog post, and I still haven’t dared standing up from the couch to get a glass of water because I don’t know how bad it is. My guess is I probably won’t be able to walk, but I need to get better in the next three hours before my church meeting at 7 P.M.

Days like this are a blunt reminder of the reality of Narcolepsy and Cataplexy. Did I take my medication? Yup. Did I get “enough” sleep last night? Yes. Did I even take a nap in the afternoon. Yes, sirree. But sometimes it’s not enough. The symptoms come and go in waves, fooling you into thinking you have a serene beach day, only to be overwhelmed by a tidal wave of fatigue and weakness.

So this is my reminder to those of you who may know someone with a chronic invisible illness: Some days are better than others, and you might forget that your friend or loved one is sick for a while, and they might even forget it for a while, but rest assured that the sickness is not gone. Encourage your loved one and friend to enjoy the good days to the best of their abilities, but do not force them into running faster than they have strength. They know their limits better than you do. Reach out and care about them even on their bad days, so they know you care, even when they can’t play sports with you or even go grocery shopping.

And to those of you with similar conditions as I, take it easy. Let yourself rest as much as you need, and don’t feel bad about taking time off from “normal life” to recover. The bad days suck, but you’re not alone.

Bio: I’m a recent graduate from BYU-Idaho, currently living in Utah County and preparing for law school. I love learning languages, watching Netflix, and all kinds of social dancing (when my legs work). For more information on Narcolepsy and Cataplexy, go to www.narcolepsy101.org. 

Subscription Raffle 12/10/19

[image error]Welcome to the 2019 Exponent II subscription drive! Every day, we are randomly selecting a name from the list [image error]of people who have subscribed or bought a gift subscription for someone else between November 26 – December 24. The item we are giving away tomorrow (for subscriptions purchased today) is an Exponent II canvas tote bag. For the next day (for subscriptions purchased tomorrow, 12/10) is two pairs of earrings handmade by Feminist Mormon Housewives’ Kalani Tonga.

You can subscribe at our online store here. Subscribing to Exponent II is the best way you can financially support our entire organization. Thank you for being a part of our community.

#EqualAccess Series Guest Post: Lessons Learned from an Inter-abled Relationship

by Topher Muller-Taylor

This post is part of The Exponent’s #EqualAccess Series. Disabled voices rarely get a chance to speak for themselves, but this blog series seeks to eliminate the stigma that disabled people are less than, and need a representative to speak on their behalf. This blog series is intended to break stereotypes by gathering the voices of disabled individuals. #DisabilityExperience

“I admire you for taking such good care of Kendra” is a statement I frequently hear. I do love my wife and try to support her, but I have never heard any other partners receive this compliment, nor have I given this compliment to any of my friends. That’s not to say that I don’t think my friends are good partners or that I think I am the pinnacle of virtue. No, I think I hear this compliment more than most because of the fact that my wife, Kendra, uses a wheelchair.

[image error] The co-authors of the post smile and laugh with one another next to a field with a lake. The woman is using a wheelchair, the man is kneeling next to her.

Truth be told, I don’t think I do much to “take care” of her beyond what any good, loving spouse would do for their partner, able-bodied or not. The only temporary difference is that I lift her in and out of the car while we wait for her wheelchair van to be finished. It’s just that when people see a wheelchair, they immediately think, “that person needs help.”

Our society has stereotypes and stigmas surrounding disability, which lead most people to assume that Kendra can’t do much on her own and that I am essentially a caregiver with benefits. I often end up gently informing people that our marriage involves the same level of mutual caring and support present in most other happy relationships. We both have days where we feel exhausted, upset, sick, or depressed and the other one is always there to offer support.

I have been married to Kendra for over a year now and our relationship seems pretty similar to other marriages I’ve seen. We each have our strengths, but we share the responsibilities. I often take the lead in making the meals, but it’s usually Kendra who starts washing the dishes first. I’ll vacuum and wash the floors while Kendra does the laundry and wipes down the toilet, sinks, and counters.

Dating and getting married to her has opened my eyes to a lot of things related to disability. There have been adjustments and things I have had to get used to. First off, you don’t realize how often you go up and down steps each day until you go around with someone in a wheelchair. I change my routes to classes on campus when I’m with Kendra and I cross at the crosswalks instead of jaywalking when there are no cars. In addition to getting around differently than me, Kendra writes differently, uses the bathroom differently, and gets in and out of bed differently, but those are pretty insignificant in the whole grand scheme of things.

For those who may be trying to identify the stereotypes present in their behavior, I’ll share some experiences we have had regarding Kendra’s disability. I hope they help prompt some thoughtful self-reflection. 

First off, whenever I go anywhere with Kendra, I’m usually the one people look at and talk to, even if it’s one of Kendra’s errands. This happens so often that I sometimes have to consciously remind myself to stay quiet so I don’t perpetuate the belief that disabled people are less intelligent or incompetent.

Another thing that has happened too often is having people express pity towards me, saying “your sex life must be rough.” Others have asked “so, you’re probably not going to be able to have kids?” I am glad people want to learn more about inter-abled relationships and I cheerfully answer these questions, but it is unfortunate that the immediate assumption is that disabled people are asexual or burdensome on a healthy sexual relationship. 

So what are the big messages from all this? I would say one takeaway is to not assume you know things about somebody’s life just because of what you can see on the outside. Recognize the stereotypes you have and avoid them. Don’t see paralysis, blindness, hearing loss, or any other disability as a deficiency or a sign that someone needs your help. Odds are they can help you just as much as you can help them.

Bio: Topher is an ally of the disabled community and has had interesting experiences regarding stereotypes of interabled relationship with his wife, Kendra. The Exponent blog strives to have first-person narratives and Topher has insights from an ally perspective. He is currently working towards an International Affairs master degree at UC San Diego and enjoys cooking Thai food for friends.

Subscription Raffle 12/9/19

[image error]Welcome to the 2019 Exponent II subscription drive! Every day, we are randomly selecting a name from the list of people who have subscribed or bought a gift subscription for someone else between November 26 – December 24. The item we are giving away tomorrow (for subscriptions purchased today) is an Exponent II canvas tote bag. For the next day (for subscriptions purchased tomorrow, 12/3) is a “Well-Behaved Women Seldom Make History” t-shirt from Left of Provo.

You can subscribe at our online store here. Subscribing to Exponent II is the best way you can financially support our entire organization. Thank you for being a part of our community.

Subscription Raffle 12/8/19

[image error]Welcome to the 2019 Exponent II subscription drive! Every day, we are randomly selecting a name from the list of people who have subscribed or bought a gift subscription for someone else between November 26 and December 24. The item we are giving away tomorrow (for subscriptions purchased today) is a 12″ one-of-a-kind handmade pillow cover pieced and quilted by our own Kirsten Campbell and Pandora Brewer.

You can subscribe at our online store her. Subscribing to Exponent II is the best way you can financially support our entire organization. Thank you for being a part of our community.