Exponent II's Blog, page 285

Female Grooming Mandates That Aren’t That Hard

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Photo by John Nyberg

Pantyhose

It’s a strange kind of clothing that is completely see-through, offers no protection whatsoever from the elements, and breaks when you wear it. Pantyhose break when washed, too, if you throw them in the washing machine with the rest of the laundry. The few pairs I own that haven’t fallen apart yet are often unavailable to me because I don’t have time for hand washing. Wearing hose in cold weather is useless; in hot weather, they get sticky and cause infection.

Skirts

Skirts ride up when I carry a toddler on my hip, and aforementioned toddler likes to yank on the skirt or run under it. Skirt-wearing complicates all sorts of otherwise simple human motions: bending over, running, sitting cross-legged. Wearing a skirt precludes commuting by bike; biking in a skirt is possible—I did it as a missionary—but it is dangerous, messy and immodest.

Lipstick

Almost every lipstick I buy, regardless of the color it claims to be, eventually morphs into a garish shade of fuchsia on my lips. I’ve researched this and it has something to do with my body chemistry. It doesn’t happen right when I put it on, so I can’t tell if a lipstick will work for me simply be trying it on at the make-up counter. It often takes several purchases before I find one that works. Even for women who are blessed with less fuchsia lips than mine, lipstick can be expensive. And it has to be reapplied after eating, drinking, kissing, perspiring or just breathing too much.

High Heels

I can’t think of any downside to walking—or better yet, running to catch a bus in the rain on a cobblestone sidewalk—while wearing little stilts on my feet, so I’ll stop here.

Wear a little lipstick, we’ve been told. It’s not that hard.  I wonder how the man who said that knew; had he tried wearing lipstick?

I have, and I can bear testimony that wearing lipstick is not that hard. Neither is wearing pantyhose, skirts, or heels. At least, not in comparison to climbing Mount Everest or curing cancer. In spite of the drawbacks, I often do wear such things.

But it’s not as easy as a man who has never worn any of these things might assume.

I have certainly never worn a skirt for bike-riding since my mission. I marvel that the LDS missionary program, which seems so obsessed with safety in most matters, still requires most women to wear skirts even while biking, in spite of the hazards of biking in a skirt.  Recently, the church relaxed its dress code to allow sister missionaries to (usually) comply with health officials’ recommendations to wear pants during mosquito-borne illness outbreaks but still requires them to risk it in a skirt at least once a week. Maybe it’s not that hard, but it’s not that safe, either.

Welcome changes have come to the church’s dress codes for paid female employees, removing the pantyhose mandate in 2011 and as of a few weeks ago,  allowing women to wear pants to work.  Female worshippers could  enter Mormon temples wearing pants beginning in 2010.  In response to Wear Pants To Church Day in 2013, a church spokesperson stated, “Generally Church members are encouraged to wear their best clothing as a sign of respect for the Savior, but we don’t counsel people beyond that.”  However, some local bishops continue to chastise women who attend church wearing pants.

Sexist dress codes have never been unique to Mormons. For example, workplaces that require women to wear high heels have been in the news of late in the United Kingdom. When announcing the new LDS church employee dress code, Elder Quentin L. Cook said, “I would hope that Latter-day Saints would be at the forefront in creating an environment in the workplace that is more receptive and accommodating to both men and women.” *

I hope that going forward, we will be. Regardless of how hard female-specific grooming mandates are or aren’t, let’s not create an extra burden on women—and only on women—through sexist dress codes or by preaching prettiness standards over the pulpit.

 

 

* In contrast to many of his predecessors,  Elder Cook’s  General Conference talks indicate that he is concerned about making workplaces woman-friendly and making the church less judgemental toward working women.  Establishing a  more equitable dress code, even if it is too late to be at the forefront, demonstrates his sincerity.  Moreover, the most recent dress code change was accompanied by an announcement that the church would begin offering paid parental leave, which is progressive in the United States, where the LDS church is headquartered.  Only 12% of American employees have access to paid parental leave.

 

 

Like Magic

[image error]I have held several callings: Nursery teacher, Primary Presidency member, and Primary chorister—in which I was responsible for conducting singing time with the toddlers in the Nursery. As far as tasks go, this is a pretty nice one. Singing songs with babies is quite fun. Even so, it has its challenges.

Nursery kids love movement songs like “Do as I’m Doing” and “The Wise Man and the Foolish Man” but songs that are more reverent in style can be a tougher sell. Anything longer than “Jesus Said Love Everyone” and “Kindness Begins with Me” might outlast their attention spans.

At home, I would usually sing songs to my kids like “Heavenly Father Loves Me,” “I am Like a Star” and “Jesus Once was a Little Child” in a rocking chair, but I can’t rock a dozen toddlers at once.

I have found an inexpensive solution that adds the toddler-pleasing element of motion to slower songs. I have made simple wands using materials I already had at home: duct tape, ribbons (mostly saved from Christmas and birthday gift wrappings) and popsicle sticks. (Yes—they were used too. I sanitized them—I promise.)

The wands work like magic. I start singing time with more upbeat songs with hand and body motions, and then pass out the wands for the slower songs. Even kids who are not yet verbal enough to do much singing enjoy waving their wands to the music and watching the ribbons glide through the air.

There is one caution when working with wands. Every now and then, a mischievous toddler realizes how fun it is to swish their neighbor with the ribbon. They never do any damage—ribbons are not very effective as weapons—but even so, it irritates the targeted neighbor and distracts virtually everyone.

To lessen the odds that this will happen, as I pass out the wands, I ask the kids if they remember the rule for the wands.

“No touching other people!” they all shout. (At least, all of the ones who are verbal.)

And they usually follow the rule. When they don’t, I have found that the best strategy is to skip wand time the next week, before breaking the rule becomes a pattern.

The kids always notice when I skip the wands and they are not pleased. “You forgot the wands! Where are the wands?” they cry in despair.

But the next week, when the wands come out again, all is forgiven. And more importantly, that little experiment with naughty wand behavior is forgotten, and the wands work like magic again.

The Transcendent and the Ordinary

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Photo by Michael W. May titled “Impressions through a dirty window”

 

 

My Home is a Temple

My home is a temple

With pinnacles of dirty dishes

And large glass windows stained

With fingerprints and water marks.

As the priestess of this sanctuary

I offer up our soiled laundry

At the altar of the washing machine.

It emerges transformed.

Each morning I prepare

A sacrament of coffee and toast

So that we might celebrate

The preciousness of life.

We are all in need of sustenance and caffeine

To smooth over our natural and cranky state.

My home is a temple

To the everyday

Where we ritualize the necessary

And always remember that the

Common

Ordinary

Mundane

Are also the

Sacred

Meaningful

Mystical.

Amen.

I wrote this poem in response to the On Being blog post by Christena Cleveland. I am guilty of desiring the transcendent instead of celebrating the ordinary, in the false belief that God resides beyond the everydayness of our lives. I had not considered the broader implications of such a belief, that the ability to escape from the ordinary is a privilege. I am working to create a shift in my own thinking.

Where in your everyday life do you find holiness? What kinds of daily actions do you consider to be sacred rituals?