Exponent II's Blog, page 278

A Time of Grief, A Time of Grace

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“Seated Figure” from 13th century Niger Delta. Courtesy of The Met.

The last two weeks have been clouded with grief. Afraid that Exponent II would not survive the financial crisis, I wondered whether the work to which I’ve given my heart over the last eight years would melt away before my eyes. At night I lay awake, my mind racing with worry. During the day I felt physically weighed down, as if all the anger, sadness, and confusion I felt were literal burdens for me to carry. I was exhausted, but had more than ever to do: contact the women closest to Exponent II, help write a public statement, contact a couple of staff members to let them know that their usual miniscule stipends would be unpaid for this issue. I was also supposed to continue to move the Fall 2017 issue forward to production, although I didn’t know if we could actually pay to print it.

When I was sitting up late at night, the image that came to me was of the table at the silent auction at our annual retreat. For those of you who haven’t attended the retreat in the last five years: We set up a table in the back of the large gathering room and women donate items for the auction. We have books that retreat attendees have authored, homemade jam, hilarious MoFem t-shirts, art, jewelry, and once an entire crocheted nativity set. It makes us a couple thousand dollars, which is a lot for us. Exponent II has always been scrappy. I would sit up at night at think about that table and the hours of work and love put into filling it, and cry with grief and frustration. I imagined having to call Claudia Bushman and the other founding mothers I love, having to tell them that under my tenure as editor in chief, Exponent II had failed and that we were shutting our doors. My heart felt filled with a dreary fog.

As the Exponent II board prepared to go public with this sad information, we steeled ourselves for the anger that we assumed would follow. People had a right to be angry with us. And while we expected that many people would be forgiving, we also expected some cancellations of subscriptions and public shaming. Our current American culture is not one that gives credit for good intentions or is generous with forgiveness.

Because one of the roles of Exponent II is to make an historical record of the voices of Mormon women during a particular time, I want to share here a handful of the hundreds of Facebook messages, emails, and phone calls we received. These are from staff members, bloggers, donors, subscribers, retreaters, and readers, a spectrum of people from all across the Exponent II community:

“I’ve been mourning this since I first read it hours and hours ago. I can’t imagine how difficult this must be for you and everyone else dealing with it. If there’s anything I can do to help, please don’t hesitate to reach out—I am as committed as ever to this work. I dearly love ExII and I’m so grateful for the hard work you do for the magazine and the organization. Thank you, truly, for all that you do.”

“I believe in Exponent, and I also believe in and support the wonderful women on its board. Thank you for the work you do, especially the very hard work you have to do at this time and as a consequence of this situation. You all have my love and support.”

“Adding my voice of love and support to all the women involved and to the vital mission of Exponent II. May we all feel a spirit of forgiveness, as well as a renewed commitment to integrity and transparency.”

“So sad to hear this news. But there’s no doubt in my mind that Exponent II’s board will handle this situation with wisdom and grace, no matter how it decides to proceed. This community has been a balm to my soul for so long that it’s devastating to see it hurt like this. I can only imagine how much more difficult it must be for those who give so many hours to making the community and the magazine and blog thrive. Thank you for your efforts. Sending love and peace your way as you navigate these new, troubled waters.”

“Exponent II is a human institution with a sacred mission — it has been an answered prayer for me countless times … and for thousands of other women. I will lend my support however I can to preserving this organization and helping it move forward.

I’m grateful for the professionalism and dedication of the board during this complicated, heartbreaking time. I know they’re working countless hours behind the scenes to preserve the integrity – – legal, financial and otherwise – – of this organization.”

“Thank you for the transparency, and all the hard work you are doing. Love to you all, (and also to the woman who has taken so much money from Exponent, because her road ahead is also hard). Our group is replete with wise women who know how to manage wrongdoing with both grace and appropriate boundaries, and I am so grateful and appreciative of having you to lead us and to learn from.”

“This is such a painful situation. I pray for peace and comfort for all of you as you find a way forward that will balance the demands of justice and healing for the community. If there ever were a group capable of threading that needle, it would be in Exponent.”

“The editors and board work so hard to make this a safe community that is desperately needed. How painful that the trust you’ve placed has been betrayed. I’m glad there will be more diligent procedures moving forward, but this is not the fault of the board or editors, so I hope none of you women feel that way.”

“Exponent II has been one of the most important organizations (maybe the most important) in my life. I found it in my early twenties and have been profoundly honored to work alongside these amazing, smart, fiery, gracious women for years. I’ve been devastated by this news on many levels. But reading all these messages of love and support gives me hope. I too extend my heartfelt gratitude to the current board which is doing so much work to discern how best to move forward. Thank you for your good hearts and countless hours. I know you will guide this organization forward in wisdom.”

“Strong women doing good work. That’s what Exponent is about.

Thanks for this letter, for all the heart-breaking and courageous work being done with regard to this terrible situation. You have my prayers, my respect, and my full support. Now and always. “

“Exponent II has been a lifeline to me since the 70s. We will rise. You on the board are wonderful and the work will go forth.”

“This moment feels so hard right now and raw, but I feel hope, and faith, and love that the Exponent community will get through it. The work that the organization does is incredible and real. And the magazine. It is gold. You bear good fruit. I know it will continue.”

“Trust lost in one is not trust lost in all. Thank you for your honesty and care toward mending and recovery. I love you all, and my heart is still yours.”

****

Have you ever seen a moment of pain on the internet that was met with universal kindness and an outpouring of shared mourning, comfort, and support? I haven’t, until this moment. Every single reaction we got was filled with gratitude for the space Exponent II has created over the decades and compassion for this error. I felt like the heavens were opening and light was pouring down on me. While moving forward will be incredibly challenging and there is still a great deal of work to do, the knowledge that our community is there to lend a shoulder to cry on and a hand to help gives me the hope I lacked on my own.

In Christian theology, grace is the unmerited peace and love that God gives us without asking for anything in return. When we are the most broken, grace is what gives us life. Given the depth and scope of wisdom, strength, and kindness that Exponent II women have taught me over many years, it should not have surprised me that there was much more I had to learn from this group. But grace always comes as a surprise, because it is unearned. It comes in at the cracks, when it is least expected, and disperses the darkness, leaving trails of hope and light in its wake.

Global Feminist Critiques of Western Christianity with Jennifer Buck

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Jennifer Buck

In this episode of the Religious Feminism interview series, Jennifer Buck, an Evangelical Quaker pastor and an assistant professor in the Department of Practical Theology at Azusa Pacific University, discusses feminism within her faith, the Evangelical Friends, and lessons learned about racial justice and feminism from feminist Christians who live in other parts of the world.

You can find episode notes for the Religious Feminism Podcast here at the Exponent website: http://www.the-exponent.com/tag/religious-feminism-podcast/

Links to Connect and Learn More:

 

Reframing the House: Constructive Feminist Global Ecclesiology for the Western Evangelical Church

What is the Biblical Portrayal of Women?

Can God be a Father and a Mother?

 

Listen and subscribe below:

Activity Days Lesson Plan on Heavenly Parents

[image error]I have a very special group of Activity Day girls. Many only come to Wednesday activities (because my co-leader and I pick them up). There was a time when I would have worried about that, but now, I’m happy that they’re there for that time and that I can love them and teach them.

I love the website, Mormon Activity Days, and modeled my lesson from this particular plan on Heavenly Mother. I also used the Facebook group, Feminist Activity Days, and our Exponent II Facebook group. (Special thank you to all of you who offered suggestions and advice.)

Though I wanted the focus to be on Heavenly Mother, I also hoped to be respectful of how some families choose to talk (or not talk) about Her.

Activity:

1. Provide some background on how the prophet, Joseph Smith, received revelation about our Heavenly Parents, and the poem/hymn Eliza R. Snow created from that doctrine.

Illuminating Ladies: a Coloring Book of Mormon Women: http://www.exponentii.org/magazine/illuminating-ladies-a-coloring-book-of-mormon-women-2

“O My Father”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ggOjB8bRPN8

2. Spend some time looking at how people talk about and draw our Heavenly Parents on the My Heavenly Mother website together, reading quotes from prophets and apostles, sharing some of the poetry, and admiring the artwork.

I brought some art works from my home (see picture), and we talked about how each artist depicted Heavenly Mother and what symbols we saw in the art.

See more art here: https://myheavenlymother.wordpress.com/artwork/

Listen to our leaders here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3VzPGA-7Xwo&t=63s

Suggestions of books and poetry for girls to read to see different ways people choose to related to their Heavenly Parents:

Mr. and Mrs. God in the Creation Kitchen

Big Momma Makes the World

Our Heavenly Family, Our Earthly Family

Mother’s Milk (free on Amazon Kindle Unlimited!!)

3. Discuss what the girls have learned about their Heavenly Parents from this exploration.

Ask them to imagine what Heavenly Mother might look like to them. Reassure them that there are NO wrong answers here! Here are some more questions to help them (thank you, Exponent II Facebook group)

Art Project

Creating art helps us develop faith and a testimony of the Gospel principles we are studying. Here are some questions to think about as you create your artistic representation of God.

What attributes of your earthly parents do you find godly?
What attributes of Heavenly Father that we know are likely shared with Heavenly Mother?
How is Christ a reflection of his Heavenly Parents?

Think of a person here on earth who loves you.

How do you know that person loves you?
How do you feel when you’re around that person?
How do you think your Heavenly Parents feel about you?
What if they were here right now?
What would that look like?

Create a picture only you could create.

Tell them that they are going to create some artwork that reflects their feelings about Heavenly Mother. They should try to not just make it a portrait, but think about how to incorporate some emotion into their artwork. (You may want to go over some of the artwork again and discuss what emotions each piece invokes.)

Explain that for this project, their artistic skills don’t matter as much as the emotion and love they put into it.

I also prepared this handout for the girls to take home and encouraged them to teach a Family Home Evening lesson on what they learned.

AD Heavenly Mother handout

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Exponent II Misappropriation of Funds Announcement

Dear Exponent II Community,

We want to make you aware of an unfolding situation. During a recent financial audit by the Board, we discovered that our treasurer has, over the course of several years, misappropriated Exponent II funds for personal use. She misled the board by circulating monthly budget reports that did not accurately reflect Exponent II expenses or bank account balances. The financial loss to our organization appears to be very significant. Because Exponent II is a small, volunteer-led organization that relies on mutual trust and operates on a tight budget, this is a serious financial blow.

The person involved has been removed from all positions within the Exponent II organization, both official and unofficial. She has admitted full culpability and expressed a commitment to restitution.

We have immediately and deliberately taken steps to protect our organization. We are working with legal and accounting professionals to determine the extent of the loss and the proper steps forward, including additional safeguards within our governing structure to ensure that something like this cannot happen again.

We are heartsick about the implications of this situation, not the least of which is that our stewardship over your funds has been compromised. But we are committed to moving forward with our mission. We are confident that the Exponent II organization we love will emerge stronger and more stable than before. Thank you for all of your support.

Sincerely,

The Exponent II Board and Emeritus Board

Heather Sundahl

Barbara Christiansen

Pandora Brewer

Liz Johnson

Kirsten Campbell

Emily Gray

Margaret Olsen Hemming

Susan Christiansen

Jana Remy

Emily Clyde Curtis

Barbara Taylor

Brooke Williams

Linda Hoffman Kimball

Denise Kelly

Aimee Evans Hickman

Caroline Kline

April Young Bennett

Did Joy D. Jones really just use the words “Mother in Heaven” in a General Conference session?

Yes. Yes, she did. And we’re thrilled.

Instruction Manual

In a thoughtful attempt to domesticate me, my mother gave me a bread machine for my birthday when I was a sophomore at college. At the time I was eating mostly ramen noodles and raisin bran, so surely this would expand my repertoire. All you have to do is put the ingredients in the bread pan; so what could go wrong? Turns out a lot can go wrong. First, I would forget yeast or some other ingredient or I would not put the timer on right and a soggy mess would be waiting when i got to it. I was frustrated after having to eat a few brick-like loaves and scrubbing dried hunks of dough out of the whole machine multiple times. I followed the directions more carefully and still the dough exploded over the whole machine and baked into a mess. Time for some more serious investigation.

 

Eventually I determined that the instruction manual that came with the machine, from which I was taking my recipes, was for a machine with a larger bread pan. I had been trying to make a 1.5 lb. loaf of bread in a pan with a 1 lb. loaf capacity. No wonder it was so messy and doughy! But I was following the instructions! No matter how carefully I repeated the instructions, I would have never come out with a perfectly formed loaf. I had to recalculate to get an edible loaf the right size.

 

In my own life, I willingly followed the instruction manual I was taught. I was expecting a perfectly leavened rosy outcome to be the result. I was convinced the instruction manual I was following WAS the gospel. I was raised to be a wife and mother. It was supposed to bring me true happiness and joy. I went to seminary, I went to church, I went to BYU, I went to the temple and married. I went on to have a baby and then another. I went to church and supported my husband as gospel doctrine teacher, ward clerk, a counselor in the bishopric, high priest group leader, and in another bishopric. I had more babies. I brought them all to church by myself and sat alone in the pew for years. I stayed home while he studied and then while he worked. I baked bread, I cooked rice and beans. I studied conference talks. I used my food storage regularly. I read scriptures daily with my children. I had family home evening every week. When I was unhappy I studied the words of my church leaders about my role, and tried to more perfectly follow the recipe. It didn’t work. I tried to make my life fit in the pan, but it exploded all over. I was miserable and exhausted. I was an invisible mess.

Turns out the instruction manual was for a different model. Turns out all along there were women writing their own manual and their own recipes for their own life. They just intuitively knew what kind of bread to bake and easily found how much of each ingredient to put in. For me, it has been a rough road to conceptualize that I could choose which kind of bread to bake. It is taking some troubleshooting to figure out how to remake my life. Setting aside the recipe found in the ‘manual’; recalculating to make a fitting bread of life. There are other ways to bake bread than in a machine. There are other recipes. There are so many many different kinds of bread. So many lives that may be acceptable to God. And maybe even a life that will be also one I can continue to live.

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Patriarchy Love Poetry

Want to say, “I love you,” to that special someone? And also, “I support the patriarchal order in the home”? Try one of these patriarchy–approved love poems for your sweetheart/head of household/helpmate.

[image error]For her:

Roses are red,

The river is wide,

If you weren’t a girl,

I’d let you preside.

For him:

I didn’t elect you,

Your term never expires,

Yet we don’t call you ruler,

You’re just my presider.

For her:

We are a team,

Together we decide,

Unless we disagree,

Then it’s me; I preside.

I love how this system

Gives both of us a say.

I love even more

That I always get my way.

For him:

You’re the one on top

In more ways than one.

Being subject to you

Can be lots of fun.

Y’know what gets me in the mood?

When you call on me to bless the food.

For her:

I love the food too!

I love how you make it!

I love that I don’t have to!

I’ve no time to bake it!

I’m working two jobs

So you don’t have to work at all.

I’m never at home

But “head of the house” I’m called.

For him:

You hold a steady job.

You love the kids so sweetly.

You volunteer at church.

I trust you completely.

But your righteousness would disappear

If we didn’t call you the head, I fear.

For her:

You’re naturally nurturing,

Self-sacrificing,

Angelic.

Happy to drudge:

Mop the floors!

Clean the toilet!

As I lounge in my cot,

Watching you do the chores,

I’m humbled that God made me your overlord.

For him:

This poem will be brief.

I like to be quiet and let you speak.

For her:

You’re the perfect one to share my life

The one I searched for to be my wife,

Intelligent,

Kind,

Worthy to bear my seed,

Yet adequately inferior so I can lead.

For him:

I’m glad you feel important.

We all know if you didn’t,

You’d turn into a monster, a cad;

If there was a sin you’d jump right in it!

Spiritual leader: that’s you.

It’s been divinely assigned.

And yet, as a lady,

I have to keep my man in line.

I’m the neck that moves the head.

So I pretend to have no spine.

[image error]For her:

I feel so needed at home

When I tell you what to do.

‘Though I’m hardly ever here

I’m just as involved as you!

For him:

When I nag you to do things

That could be done by me:

Lead family prayer!

Conduct FHE!

I’m just showing you I care.

Your assistant I will be.

For her:

Would you ever leave me?

I know you surely won’t.

How could you afford it?

Money is power

And I’ve got it

And you don’t.

For him:

You’re the captain of our ship,

The commander, CEO.

Except that we don’t have a ship,

An army or a crew.

Sometimes I wonder why we need a boss

For our tiny team of two.

But if a leader there must be

I guess it’s fine that it’s you, not me.

For her:

I’m the head of the house

The captain of our crew

You’re helpmate, first counselor,

My trusted number two.

There must be order in all things

And ours is me first, then you.

Ex-Mormon Woman Running for Prime Minister of New Zealand

A former Mormon woman, Jacinda Ardern, is in the running to become the next Prime Minister of New Zealand. Ardern left the church when she was in her 20’s as a result of her personal position in favour of marriage equality. In numerous interviews, Ardern’s Mormon background is mentioned, usually noting the positive characteristics of church members—including integrity, care for others, and service. Comparatively, the incumbent, Bill English is a devout and practicing Catholic.

 

This is an interesting election to watch through the lens of religious devotion: Is it best to vote for the individual who has left a church as the result of a “vote of conscience”? Or is it best to vote for the candidate who is a church loyalist, even if when voting in contrast to church dogma?

Interesting links:

Facebook interview where she briefly addresses her Mormon past

Latest News on the election-

 

 

Do women preside at church?

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Photo by Tim Gouw on Unsplash

Our church places a huge emphasis on the word “preside.” The word preside is often used in sacrament meetings, general conference, and other church meetings. Whoever conducts often announces that someone is presiding. Always, that someone is a man.

What exactly does preside mean? “Preside” reminds me a lot of the word “president.” Preside could mean someone who is the president or person in charge of an organization. In ward meetings, it’s usually announced that the bishop presides. If the stake president visits, then the person conducting announces that the stake president presides. I find it confusing at times and I don’t even see any reason for this “presiding” to be mentioned. What exactly does it mean? And why does the church put so much emphasis on it?

The Family Proclamation states that husbands preside in a family. There have been many general conference quotes both for and against this statement. For example, L. Tom Perry has said that in a family there is no president or vice-president, but there are co-presidents. That right there debunks the statement that only the husband presides. According to L. Tom Perry’s words, both the husband and wife preside. They are both presidents. Here are L. Tom Perry’s exact words:

“Therefore, there is not a president or a vice president in a family. The couple works together eternally for the good of the family. They are united together in word, in deed, and in action as they lead, guide, and direct their family unit. They are on equal footing. They plan and organize the affairs of the family jointly and unanimously as they move forward.”

There used to be a line in there that said that wives and husbands are co-presidents, but it isn’t there anymore and I have no idea why. I thought it was the best line ever! However, this missing line has been quoted in other places, such as this article, which says:

“There is not a president and vice president in a family. We have co-presidents working together eternally for the good of their family . . . They are on equal footing. They plan and organize the affairs of the family jointly and unanimously as they move forward.” (Missing phrase is in bold.)

My brother dislikes the word preside. He has told me that in his Elder’s Quorum meetings, whenever they talk about men’s roles, one man will comment and say that the man presides. Then, another man will counter his comment and say that men and women work together. It sounded to me like they go back and forth between these two opposing ideas.

I used to hear a lot in church meetings about men being the head of the household and presiding and all that, but today, I don’t hear this as much. It seems that the church is becoming silent on this issue and is slowly moving away from the old tradition of the husband being in charge. More and more I hear at church that wives and husbands are equals and are supposed to work together. Instead of vocally abandoning the “head of the household” idea, the church chooses to become more silent about it.

There are a few instances in which I’ve heard of women being announced as presiding. At a temple meeting once, I heard the person conducting say that Brother and Sister so-and-so were presiding. I was very surprised! Those that were presiding were a couple. The wife was assistant to the matron and the husband was counselor to the temple president. I’ve been to lots of temple meetings, since I’m a temple worker, but only once have I heard them mention that a woman was presiding. Usually they only name the man.

Another instance in which I’ve heard of this is when members talk about a woman who leads a mission with her husband as a mission president. (I didn’t want to call the woman “mission president’s wife” since that’s not even a real title.) This is the only other time I’ve heard of a woman presiding. Usually someone will say, “My husband and I presided over the so-and-so mission.” I’ve even heard a stake president say, “They were mission presidents in the so-and-so mission.”

Now, it’s great that there are instances of women presiding, but the problem is that they never say that a woman presides over a group of men and women unless her husband presides with her. I don’t know the reasoning behind this.

There shouldn’t be anything unusual about a woman presiding. After all, if you look at the workplace, you’ll see numerous women who are presidents and leaders in their workplace. Women leaders and women being in charge of groups of men and women is not something new to the world, so why should it be something new to the church?

 

 

 

 

I Know.

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When I was young, I felt everything with absolute certainty. I knew my father was the smartest, my mother was the sweetest, and my sisters were the meanest. I knew that school was the way, that college was the plan, and that the church was the truest thing ever.

I told Heavenly Father so in my prayers, and I stood up before my congregations to share what I knew, as we all did. Even as I grew older and less certain, I thought that if I spoke loudly enough, if I declared my knowledge often enough, that the absolute certainty would someday return.

But it hasn’t. Certainty has retreated from me, in all things. Certainly my father is smart, but he’s more hard-working. My mother can be sweet, but she’s also tough. My sisters are not mean; actually, I think they’re pretty awesome.

College was, and still is, the plan. And college also taught me the value of acknowledging what I don’t know.

My mother told me a story once, of a teacher, cast as a villain, who insisted that his students answer questions correctly, or else declare “I am ignorant.” Harsh, and certainly unnecessary. I thought then that the word itself was an insult.

But now, today, acknowledging my ignorance is how I propel myself forward. In my 30s, I am certain of my own ignorance and shortcomings, and I find that to be empowering. I don’t know X thing, but I can know it, if I choose to spend time on it.

I didn’t understand coding. I was ignorant, and so I learned.

I am ignorant of so many things. It’s okay to say and acknowledge that. And it’s important for me not to conflate knowledge with belief. I know things that I have learned and been taught thoroughly, have evidence to support, and understand.

I know. Except when I don’t.

I don’t know that the church is the truest thing ever. But I believe that there is good in it. I know that the church has done me some good. I also know that I’ve been hurt there, and continue to be hurt by policies espoused.

It hurt deeply when I realized that what I thought was knowledge was actually belief. I felt like I had been misinformed, led, directed to overstate the truth. This made me very uncomfortable – I felt like I had been lying.

I am very careful in my statements. I work hard to avoid being misunderstood, to make sure that my meaning and intentions are clear. Frankly, that’s a big reason why I’m good at my job.

I want to make sure that my truth is clear, so let me say this: there is a lot that I don’t know. There’s plenty that I believe. I have evidence that aspects of the church have been beneficial to the forming of my character, and I am grateful for that. I can’t, and won’t say that I know or believe everything fully. I won’t overstate my position. I have a testimony of some things, but not all things. And I know now that, for me, testimony is things a choose to believe, not things that I know. And that’s okay.