Exponent II's Blog, page 280

Colorado Faith Forum: Women Scholars in Contemporary Mormonism

I am thrilled to announce the Colorado Faith Forum’s first annual symposium on September 9, 2017. This year’s event will be featuring some of our preeminent Mormon scholars, discussing Changes, Challenges, and Choosing Faith in contemporary Mormonism. I have included the biographies for the panel below. This will be an amazing event–I have had the opportunity of hearing all of these women speak and have found them all to be engaging and inspiring. If you live in Colorado or want to take a quick trip to our beautiful Centennial State, tickets are still available and can be purchased here.

The mission of Colorado Faith Forums is to promote thoughtful and faithful discussion of Mormon topics through various outlets, including an annual symposium and periodic forums.  They seek learning, dialogue, and analysis of any issues concerning Mormon religious belief and culture.  They welcome a broad range of ideas and attitudes on these topics while maintaining a goal of promoting faith and constructive dialogue and avoiding negativity or animosity.  Colorado Faith Forums believes that the organic development of such forums for study and discussion, encompassing a variety of perspectives and opinions, can lead to opportunities for increased understanding, knowledge, and discipleship.

On a personal note, it has been so encouraging to watch Colorado Faith Forums create a space for thoughtful people and conversation. I have had the opportunity to attend two of their events, one with Laurel Thatcher Ulrich and the other with Claudia and Richard Bushman. I found both evenings to be intellectually and spiritually broadening.

I hope many of you will be able to experience this as well.

Participant Bios:

Fiona Givens was born in Nairobi, educated in British convent schools, and converted to the LDS church in Frankfurt.  She graduated summa cum laude/phi beta kappa from the University of Richmond with degrees in French and German, then earned an M.A. in European History while co-raising the last of her six children. Fiona was director of the French Language program at Patrick Henry High School, in Ashland, Virginia. Besides education, she has worked in translation services, as a lobbyist, and as communications director of a non-profit. She has published in Exponent II, Sunstone, LDS Living, Journal of Mormon History and Dialogue. Fiona is also a frequent speaker on podcasts and at conferences from Time out for Women to Sunstone. A longtime collaborator in the books of her husband, Terryl Givens, she is the co-author of The God Who Weeps: How Mormonism Makes Sense of Life and Crucible of Doubt: Reflections on the Quest for Faith.

Neylan McBaine is the founder and editor-in-chief of the Mormon Women Project, a digital library of hundreds of fascinating interviews with LDS women from around the world. Her newest book Women at Church, explores possibilities for increased female participation in LDS administration. She is the author of a collection of personal essays, How to be a Twenty-First Century Pioneer Woman, and the editor of Sisters Abroad: Interviews from the Mormon Women Project. She has been published in Newsweek, Washington Post and Dialogue. She is the founder and CEO of The Seneca Council, is a graduate of Yale in English Literature, and lives with her husband and three daughters in Salt Lake City.

Margaret Blair Young has written six novels and two short story collections and teaches creative writing at BYU.  With her co-author, Darius Gray, she has been researching and writing about race issues in the LDS Church and about black Mormon pioneers since 1998. She also writes academically about African American history in the western United States.  She has scripted and co-produced three documentaries and is now working on her first feature film, titled “Companions.” The film is set in the Democratic Republic of Congo, where Margaret is involved in a number of projects, primarily focused on education and peace building. Her journey as a writer and filmmaker has been much easier than her journey as a mother, though she treasures the many ways parenthood has stretched her, and is in some awe of her children.  She and Bruce Young have two sons and two daughters, and four grandchildren.

Jana Riess is the author of many books, including Flunking Sainthood: Breaking the Sabbath, Forgetting to Pray, and Still Loving My Neighbor and The Twible: All the Chapters of the Bible in 140 Characters or Less . . . Now with 68% More Humor! She has recently conducted a national survey of four generations of current and former Latter-day Saints, which will be discussed in depth in the forthcoming book The Next Mormons: The Rising Generation of Latter-day Saints in America. She has a PhD in American religious history from Columbia University and lives in Cincinnati, OH, where she serves as a counselor in the Relief Society presidency.

Death and Ritual in Mormonism

 

I recently watched a fascinating Ted Talk by Kelli Swayze entitled, “Life that Doesn’t End with Death.”  She talks about her husband’s home culture in Tana Toraja, Indonesia, and how, in the Torajan culture, physical cessation of life is not the same as death.  Rather than quickly burying or cremating a body after death, the dead bodies of their loved ones are preserved, placed in their ancestral home, and symbolically fed and cared for.  They’re treated as continuing members of the family, even being included in pictures and family events, up until the time when the family can marshal the resources to have a burial ceremony with the entire community (which sometimes doesn’t happen until years after the person has physically died).  To quote Kelli Swazey, “Torajans socially recognize and culturally express what many of us feel to be true despite the widespread acceptance of the biomedical definition of death, and that is that our relationships with other humans, their impact on our social reality, doesn’t cease with the termination of the physical processes of the body, that there’s a period of transition as the relationship between the living and the dead is transformed but not ended.”

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I’ve been thinking about death a lot recently.  My dad died a couple of months ago, and as I’ve been processing the experience, I’ve been particularly grateful for the rituals that Mormons have surrounding death.  Family members gathered from across the country.  We had both a viewing at the funeral home and a funeral at the church.  Several members of my family and my parents’ ward helped dress my dad in his temple clothes prior to burial.  We had a family prayer immediately preceding the funeral before closing his coffin for the final time.  And, in one of my favorite rituals, the Relief Society inundated us with food, both before and after the funeral service.  People were bringing by meals and snacks and casseroles to put in the freezer to eat a later date when cooking would just feel too overwhelming.  In a particularly touching gesture, one member of my parents’ ward headed up a collection of toys, coloring books, games, and snacks for my dad’s grandchildren (including my children) to enjoy during the often long (and, to kids, super boring) hours of the whole affair.  We buried my dad in a cemetery near other deceased relatives, and had people say a few words of comfort and recall some memories before dedicating the grave and lowering his coffin into it.

It was so comforting to have rituals that felt familiar during this time of grief and despair.  I knew what to expect, and I felt surrounded by love and comfort (and food) (seriously, there was so much food).  It felt like a social affair and in some ways, it validated my grief at the loss of my dad’s life to see so many people show up to communally mourn.  In some ways, having so many people be present with us made my tremendous grief feel appropriate: yes, this man was important and his life was worth celebrating and his loss was worth grieving.

Since then, though, I’ve felt a yearning for rituals surrounding mourning.  The entire death/burial process felt like a blur – the whole death-to-burial period took less than ten days.  And after that, we were left to privately mourn.  The flowers sent by well-wishers wilted.  The family members and friends returned home.  Life just kept moving on, but I felt like the warm blanket that ritual had provided before was removed, and I was left to grieve in ways that felt uncertain and vulnerable.  How am I supposed to do this??  Am I crying too much?  Too little?  How much should I talk about him?  Does it make others uncomfortable when I mention it?  How do I go about integrating this tremendous loss into my life?

I think this is why Swazey’s Ted Talk profoundly moved me.  I don’t know that I necessarily want to go the route of the Torajans and have my dad’s preserved body hanging out in my living room, but I do wish that we had better rituals surrounding the transition period (from relating to the deceased as a person who’s living to relating to the deceased as a person who’s an ancestor) that the Torajans honor.  Even though my dad was on hospice at the end of his life, and death was expected, it felt so sudden to go from him being an active and involved person in my life to being dead.  I admit craving some sort of action or ritual that I could perform to help me sort out my relationship with him once he had passed away.  My dad was a lifelong member of the church and completed all of his temple ordinances while he was alive, but I admit longing for a temple ordinance that I could perform on his behalf to somehow cement our relationship to one another, even if that was already ceremonially completed when my parents were sealed and I was born in the covenant.

So I’m left to create my own rituals of grief, as many in Western cultures are left to do.  For his funeral, we put together a slideshow of pictures from throughout his life, and I look at them when I want to feel connected.  On his birthday, I’ll probably make my dad’s favorite foods and watch his favorite movie.  I’m sure I’ll mark the anniversary of his death in some way.  But after watching Swayze’s Ted Talk, I’m giving myself a little bit more latitude in grieving this particular transition period from relating to my dad as a living being towards relating to him as an ancestor.

What do you think about our rituals in Mormonism surrounding death and grieving?  Do you have any particular rituals surrounding grief or loss that have been helpful to you?

On White Man’s Burden

In the aftermath of recent happenings in Charlottesville, I’ve been sad and feeling powerless. I’m wrestling with my whiteness and what it means about my responsibility as a citizen of planet earth. In this area, how do we mourn with those that mourn and comfort those in need of comfort? How do we deal with the invisible privilege we inherit? I read Paul Reeve’s book Religion of a Different Color a few months ago and issues of race and Mormonism have stuck with me. My thoughts wander, exploring issues that got us to this point in the first place, and especially how it applies in the LDS tradition.

Although I believe white supremacy is not the dominant worldview of white westerners today, racist attitudes still persist into our modern culture, particularly in how western (white) people continue to relate to people of color. One thing I’ve been particularly been thinking about is the historic benevolent imperialism of western (white) peoples. In history class, I learned that this was called “white man’s burden”; a duty to bring education and ‘civilization’ to the (non-white) colonies. At the time, I didn’t question the assumption that it was okay to ‘improve’ the condition of others even by erasing a huge part of their way of life. The implication was that white people were in a sense ‘saviors’ for colored people. This also made out other races to be childish, needing our guidance, teaching, and leadership (being somehow incapable of self-government). And although I was disgusted when I recognized that white people had eventually used this philanthropic racism to dominate people of color and extort their resources, I was able to separate myself from that. I, personally, had never done that. I didn’t see clearly how the appeal to a morality of helping others had been used to justify stealing their land, their trees, their oil, etc. Imperialism had (and continues to have) some detestable consequences, up to and including forced slavery and cultural and actual genocide. But Mormon colonialism echoed the problems of American and British colonialism.

Sad as it is, this national crisis has also led me to thoughts of how the church has its own manifestation of ‘white man’s burden’. My assumption is that this is a reflection of culture rather than the revealed pattern of the gods. The Mormon mandate is to bring gospel and its culture to all the world, which in its restored form is a modified form of western (white) culture, rather than a true unique culture. The priesthood ‘white man’s burden’ was to teach, convert, baptize, and ultimately preside in every land. The authoritative hierarchical system expects submission and loyalty. Until the last few decades, priesthood was literally a white man’s burden, restricted by race. Now, although ostensibly equal in the priesthood, people of color are still underrepresented in our leadership, particularly at the general level. The higher the level of authority, the fewer people of color are found. Many times local congregations are presided over by white Americans who happen to be living in the area, rather than by local members. White western Mormon culture is the church’s preferred version of Mormonism, the opinions of white Mormon priesthood holders who have held certain callings carry more influence in decisions about how the church operates locally than the people who have spent their entire life there. In the same way that ‘white man’s burden’ led to abuses politically in times past, the church has at times gone beyond the scope of service and subjugated people of color, even without intending to. My musings have only led to more and more questions (and yes, I specifically took off my feminist hat; ignoring for now how women fit in this messy picture).

Does our mandate to take the gospel to all the world make it okay to inject ourselves and assimilate native cultures in our proselytizing efforts? To what extent are we guilty of smothering other beautiful traditions in an attempt to create a semblance of uniformity across the world? To what extent does our understanding of the history of Native peoples as presented by the Book of Mormon influence the way we see them and interact with them? (Do we expect people of color to become ‘white and delightsome’?) How strongly do the emphases of current church leadership messages echo issues that are inherently white or American political issues? What blessings are we as a church missing out on by taking over and speaking over people of color to remake them in our image? And what institutional repentance is necessary for our past racial sins?

 

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“You’ve Got Mail!”: How to Get Exponent II Blog Posts Sent to Your Email

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Do you enjoy reading Exponent II blog posts but don’t think to go to the blog site as often as you’d like? Fun tip! You can subscribe to the blog for free and get the daily posts sent directly to your inbox. I subscribed months ago and it has been a dream!

There are two ways to subscribe:

1) Go to http://www.the-exponent.com/ on a computer, which should take you to the blog site (if it doesn’t,  type “Exponent II blog” into any internet search engine and click on the option that says “Blogsite Exponent II.”) On the right sidebar you’ll see “Subscribe to the Blog” (it’s under the “Donate” section). Simply enter your email in the space provided and within minutes you’ll get an email asking you to confirm your subscription. Then voila! You are officially subscribed!

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Hope you enjoy your free subscription to Exponent II’s blog posts as much as I have!

Niceness is my favorite sin

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Several years ago, I sat in a Sunday School class where the following question was posed:   

“What is your favorite sin?” 

The question was an adaptation of Lamoni’s father’s simple invocation in Alma 22: ”O God… if there is a God, and if thou art God, wilt thou make thyself known unto me, and I will give away all my sins to know thee.” Using the definition of sin used in this verse, the teacher invited us to consider what is it that we (individually and collectively) might currently do or believe that most inhibits our ability to know and become more like God—the sin we cling to at the greatest cost.   

The “What is my favorite sin?” question has stuck with me. It’s catchy, and perhaps because it’s derived from those verses in particular (which resonate with me for several reasons), that question has resurfaced in my brain and served as a springboard for self-reflection many times since I first sat in that Sunday School class. But it wasn’t until last November that I identified and named the sin that I think is most deserving of the “favorite” descriptor. Of all the ugly motives and tendencies within me, I’ve come to believe that perhaps nothing is quite as damning as all the niceness I find there: my deeply rooted tendencies to privilege “being nice” at any cost. 

For the record, niceness (at least how I’m using it here) is not synonymous with kindness. Kindness is a fact that is always, always worth seeing and acting upon. Niceness, on the other hand, comes down to privileging selfish comfort over moral courage or genuine love for others. Niceness is choosing to disengage because honest self-critique isn’t pleasant or painless. It’s allowing the fear of uncertainty or vulnerability or being disagreed with to prevent us from acting with integrity. Niceness is choosing to remain in comfortable ignorance around hard questions that don’t directly impact our safety and well-being, even when others’ lives are at stake. It’s buying into the self-gratifying idea that not being guilty of the vilest of sins somehow means that there aren’t any real changes that need to be made in our hearts and conduct. And every one of these things is something I’ve been guilty of.  

I didn’t start to realize that I have a niceness problem until an experience I had last November as I watched in flabbergasted horror as my country voted Donald Trump into the White House. I was one of the many Americans who got a painful, badly needed wake-up call that night—one of those people who had to come to terms with the fact that I was dead wrong about what I thought my fellow Americans (and Mormons) most valued, and that there was so much more I needed to hear and learn and try to understand and do.  

I was watching the news that night by myself at someone else’s house while an unrelated party was going on in the room next to me (long story). And as I sat there watching the elections results come in, someone was suddenly standing between me and the TV, saying, “Obama encouraged black people to have persecution complexes, you know,” this person said. “He convinced black people that they’re being discriminated against so that people would support him.”  

I still have no idea what motivated this person to start a conversation with that, but what troubles me most about this moment is what I said: which is nothing. I don’t remember what my go-to justification was in this moment, but like many times before and even many times since, I just nicely sat there and stayed nicely quiet as the kind of thinking I had naively believed that only a handful of people really espoused, the kind that seems to have played a defining role in the outcome of the election I was watching develop in real time—was in full display right in front of me.

I share all of this because I don’t think I’m the only one with this favorite sin. Mormons are a notoriously nice group of people; and while I think that ‘nice” in this context generally means “friendly” (which, great!), we’re also known for silencing tough questions, for placing an obsessive overemphasis on appearances, and for refusing to apologize for mistakes, all of which fit under the other definition of nice to a T.

When approached with honesty and humility, the process of naming and confronting our favorite sins is an intensely uncomfortable one. But choosing to reject niceness in favor of kindness is worth the effort, I think, if doing so makes greater space for the depth of compassion, wisdom, and strength that Lamoni’s father sought to know.

V.I.P.s in the Kingdom?

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…Of a truth I perceive that God is no respecter of persons.

Acts 10:34

Central to our beliefs is that each of us is a child of god. I mean, we have been singing about it all our lives. We call each other “brother” and “sister” to remind us that we are all part of the same family. In the temple we all wear pretty much the same thing, so there are no class distinctions. We all are a needed part of “the body of Christ.” So are there V.I.P.s in the Kingdom of God?

Status and prestige are irresistibly attached to power, and we saints are no exception. A lay clergy helps in this department, but leader worship and church celebrity is a challenge. How many homes have pictures of the first presidency on their walls? Apostles are widely admired, and many faith promoting stories circulate about “my brother in law’s old mission president is in Elder _____’s ward, and he said….” Spotting the occasional apostle at Costco, getting a selfie with them, is one of the perks of living in Zion! The burden of celebrity must be uncomfortable for them and their families. They are watched on TV every 6 months by millions of people, and quoted incessantly in talks and lessons every single Sunday. All over the world. Are they the V.I.est of P.s?

This is on my mind as our area prepares for a temple dedication. Not only will there presumably be some apostles in town, but there are all the local elite leaders to consider as well. As is traditional, there is going to be a Youth Cultural Celebration, and there are more youth than there are roles in the celebration. There will be three dedication services, each broadcast to area churches. There is much speculation about who will be invited to be in the temple for the dedications. There will also be a small choir at each dedication. Who will be singing? There will be many open house sessions, but some of them are for specially invited V.I.P.s only. Who is a V.I.P. in the Kingdom?

What is the best way to allocate a finite resource? Have any of you been involved in a big church event that involved invitations or tickets? How were those extended? Did they go to the priesthood leadership first? What do you think Jesus would do?

Racism in the church

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Photo by Vlad Tchompalov on Unsplash

With the recent events in Charlottesville, a church member brought up the issue that racism is still present in the church.

I remember being shocked when I learned as a teenager that blacks didn’t receive the priesthood until 1978. That was only 10 years before I was born! And then, a few years ago, when I read the new essay on Race and the Priesthood that the church published, I learned that blacks couldn’t even receive temple ordinances until 1978. That seemed so wrong and absurd to me. After all, we put so much focus on the temple at church.

When I was young, an adult member of the church once told me that whites and black should not intermarry. He even used scriptures to back up his claims. This made me feel uncomfortable. I thought, “Why should whites and blacks not marry?” I had a good friend who was black, and her mother was black and had married a white man. I didn’t see anything wrong with that.

As a child, I once acquired a board game that taught about famous black people in history. I was super excited to play this game! I asked a church member to play the game with me. He looked at it and said, “But I don’t want to learn about black people. I want to learn about white people.” I felt so confused. I already knew so much about white people, and so I wanted to learn about black people, since I didn’t hear as much about them in my school history classes.

Some of my favorite people I learned about in history at school, were black people. In fact, I would often choose black people for my school assignments. I once did a report on Harriet Tubman. Another time I did a report on Martin Luther King, Jr. I love these people and there’s no reason why we shouldn’t learn about them. One of my favorite things to learn about in school was the Civil Rights Movement.

Some whites may lament that they are persecuted for being white, but when they do this, they downplay the persecutions that blacks face. This is wrong to do. Racism has always been directed at blacks, not whites. Whites don’t experience racism and cannot completely understand what blacks go through. They should stand with blacks and promote equality.

I wanted to end by saying that, as Zandra Vranes said in her video, members of the church should speak up when they hear something racist at church. Racism has been disavowed by the church and goes against today’s Church teachings. I highly recommend watching Zandra’s video. She talks about her experiences with racism in the church. We have so much work to do, but if we work together, we can put an end to racism once and for all.

 

Relief Society Lesson #18: Virtue-A Cornerstone on Which to Build Our Lives

“There is nothing in all this world as magnificent as virtue.  It glows without tarnish.  It is precious and beautiful.  It is above price.  It cannot be bought or sold.  It is the fruit of self-mastery.” GBH Manual

Relief Society Lesson 18 teaches us about virtue and what it means to live a virtuous life.  Often, we conflate virtue with chastity and end up spending the entire lesson talking about chastity.  But chastity is only one virtue that can bring beauty to our lives through self-mastery.  Virtue is defined as “moral excellence; goodness; righteousness” and “a good or admirable quality of property.”   http://www.dictionary.com/browse/virtue?s=t

What are some virtuous qualities that you can think of?  The teacher may want to write these on the board to go over some of them in more depth.  Some examples may include: patience, integrity, kindness, mindfulness, purity, respect, trustworthiness, wisdom, compassion, contentment, courage, fidelity, generosity, gratitude, humility…

What does it mean when Gordon B. Hinckley says that virtue will glow without tarnish?  When we live virtuously and act with some of the qualities mentioned above, the goodness and beauty of our souls will shine through to the world.  Like polished silver, we will have a self-mastery that allows us to associate with others by making our relationships and conversations a thing of beauty.  Our lives and our relationships will bear the fruits of trustworthiness, generosity, and compassion.  They won’t be tarnished with negativity, greed, or hate.

 

Gordon B. Hinckley says,

“…The Lord has given a wonderful mandate.  He has said, “Let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly” (D&C 121:45).  This becomes a commandment to be observed with diligence and discipline.  And there is attached to it the promise of marvelous and wonderful blessings.  He has said to those who live with virtue:

“Then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God…

“The Holy Ghost shall be thy constant companion, and thy scepter an unchanging scepter of righteousness and truth; and thy dominion shall be an everlasting dominion, and without compulsory means it shall flow unto thee forever and ever” (D&C 121:45-46).

Could there be a greater or more beautiful promise than this?”  GBH Manual

This scripture speaks of an inward, personal power that comes from living a virtuous life.  It speaks of dominion, but not a dominion over other beings.  It’s a dominion without compulsory means.  We will have mastery of our actions, not by forcing ourselves to behave in a certain way, but because first we choose to have virtue in our thoughts.  Then we will develop skillful means to act with confidence and through the internal guide of the Holy Ghost.

Using one example of a virtuous quality like honesty, we can see how this works.  Young Women President Ann M. Dibb says, “When we are honest in all things, big and small, we experience peace of mind and a clear conscience.  Our relationships are enriched because they are based on trust.  And the greatest blessing that comes from being honest is that we are able to have the companionship of the Holy Ghost.”  Ann M Dibb, Young Women Presidency “I Believe in Being Honest and True.” Ensign, May 2011

Do you have a personal experience where garnishing your thoughts with virtue has helped you to be more skillful in the way you acted?  As a young mom of small children, patience has been a virtue I have drawn upon often to help me act with self-mastery in my home.  As I have worked to develop the virtue of patience, along with other virtues like empathy, kindness, and contentment, I have found a clearer presence of mind and conscience that allows me to strengthen my relationship with my children.

Gordon B. Hinckley goes on to say,

“Be clean in mind, and then you will have greater control over your bodies.  It was said of old. “As [a man or woman] thinketh in his or her heart, so is he or she.” (Prov. 23:7)

Unclean thoughts lead to unclean acts.

When tempted we can substitute for thoughts of evil thoughts of [our Savior] and His teachings.  He has said: “And if your eye be single to my glory, your whole bodies shall be filled with light, and there shall be no darkness in you; and that body which is filled with light comprehendeth all things.” GBH Manual, words in italics added for gender neutrality.

How does this passage explain the connection between mind and body?  As we garnish our minds with virtue, we act upon those virtues and our bodies are filled with light.  Then we begin to think and act with the light that fills our bodies.

“Mental control must be stronger than physical appetites or desires of the flesh.  As thoughts are brought into complete harmony with revealed truth, actions will then become appropriate…Each of us, with discipline and effort, has the capacity to control our thoughts and our actions.  This is part of the process of developing spiritual, physical, and emotional maturity…”  GBH Manual

The path to living a virtuous life will also be fraught with difficulty.  We will fail sometimes.  As much as I try to garnish my mind with patience and express that patience in my daily life as I raise my kids, sometimes I give in to the emotions that arise from my body.  Sometimes I fail to be content in my life or mindful during the time I spend with my kids.  Sometimes I become frazzled with the chaos in my home and lack the compassion that I need in order for my relationship with family members to flourish and grow.  Seriously, as I’m preparing this lesson, I’ve been asked about 20 questions within the last two minutes.  And yes, I just bribed my kids to go away from me for five minutes.  Virtue is not always easy.  But we don’t need to be perfect.

President Hinckley said, “Be true to yourselves and the best you have within you.” GBH Manual

Patricia T. Holland said, “We must have the courage to be imperfect while striving for perfection.” Patricia T. Holland, Young Women Presidency “One Thing Needful: Becoming Women of Greater Faith in Christ.” Ensign, October 1987

Doing the best we can is all that God expects of us.  Eliza R. Snow said, “[Joseph Smith] said he did not care how fast we run in the path of virtue.  Resist evil, and there is no danger; God, men, and angels will not condemn those that resist everything that is evil, and devils cannot; as well might the devil seek to dethrone Jehovah, as overthrow an innocent soul that resists everything which is evil.” Eliza R. Snow, Relief Society President “Teachings of the Presidents of the Church: Joseph Smith.” 2007, p. 214

Virtue is not something that can be lost or ruined.  Eliza R. Snow made it clear in the passage above that virtue is something that we practice constantly as we resist negative impulses and embrace qualities from which moral excellence flows.  No matter what mistakes we have made, whether they are sexual sins or egregious acts that have hurt us or others, we can rise above them and find forgiveness.

“Let me…assure you that if you have made a mistake, if you have become involved in any immoral behavior, all is not lost.  Memory of that mistake will likely linger, but the deed can be forgiven, and you can rise above the past to live a life fully acceptable unto the Lord where there has been repentance.  He has promised that He will forgive your sins and remember them no more against you (see D&C 58:42).” GBH Manual.

Reclaiming my Dresses

I am a stubborn lady. I can’t be convinced to change my mind about something if I’ve already researched and made my decision. Salespeople often dislike me for this reason – I’m impossible to upsell. I have no interest in other people’s opinions about what I should study, TV shows I should watch, what language I should use, or what I should wear.

I love clothes, to be honest. I enjoy sleek slack and twirly skirts.I have a love-hate relationship with dresses. I love wearing dresses and skirts, but only where and when I want to.

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Why no trousers?

I grew up with less choice about my apparel – each day I would be given a choice in what to wear, but that choice was Outfit A or Outfit B only, so my choice was often the least objectionable option. Some things (any tank top, even if it had very wide straps) were not allowed, and other things (such as the wearing of a dress or skirt to school at least once per week) were mandatory.

And of course, dresses were mandatory for church.

I don’t like mandatory things if I don’t see the point of them. It’s an odd quirk of my personality. I am a faithful rule follower – speed limits, due dates, etc. I believe wholeheartedly that rules and laws are for the good of the community. Well, most rules. I have no time or patience for rules I don’t understand the point of (such as grammar rules about not splitting infinitives [utterly absurd – there is no reason why a Germanic language like English should espouse Latinate grammar rules]).

So very rarely, very rarely, I reject a social norm.

One of these things, for me, was skirts and dresses. I went years without wearing either skirts or dresses. Because I didn’t want to. They didn’t make me feel comfortable or happy, and I found the rules governing my wearing of dresses to be arbitrary at best and illogical at worst.

I attended church in the Philadelphia area for a while and there, no one cared. I wore suits and dress slacks regularly and it wasn’t a big deal. It was just how I dressed. It was *my* Sunday best, and that was accepted.

Wearing trousers didn’t stop me from receiving my endowment or holding visible callings. My dress wasn’t even a point of discussion. Until I moved to Utah.

I had never spent time in Utah, so I didn’t realize that church and culture were so different there. Suddenly everyone around me, strangers, felt entitled and compelled to comment on my clothing. This, by the way, was many years before Pants Day was a thing. But now at church, my clothing was closely scrutinized. I was asked if I was an investigator, or had I just come from work?

No. I wore this on purpose because it’s cold and windy and I want cloth on my legs, and as much of it as possible. In nice weather, I started wearing dresses again. But when I did, that garnered even MORE attention. And I don’t like attention. I like to get dressed, go to church, and worship in peace. But if I showed up in a skirt, I was descended upon by (probably) well-meaning ladies all telling me how lovely I looked and asking why I don’t wear dresses more often.

Why is my clothing such a topic for discussion? It seemed that, no matter what I wore, I could not sit in peace, worship privately, and go home.

I’m not in Utah anymore; now I work in Washington DC. This is my first summer working in the district, and every day I am struck by the vast numbers of women in dresses. It’s surprising every day because in my mind, dresses have been something forced on me and something primarily associated with church, not with work. But here, at this time of year, it’s a perfectly logical choice – DC is basically swampland. It’s hot and oppressively humid and even walking a couple of blocks feels unbearable.

So I have finally begun wearing dresses again. Not because of a household rule. And not because of social pressures. But because I want to wear them. Because right now, they are comfortable. I may wear them to work or to church or out with friends. I may not. What matters is that it’s my choice.

I have a lot of dresses and skirts now, and I love them. On my terms.

No more Teachings of the Presidents of the Church!

2018 will be a grown-up version of Come, Follow Me (the current youth curricula).

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