Evil Editor's Blog, page 462

New Beginning 625

It wasn't the worst part of the job. The salary was worse. The workload would be, too. But a basement office--that was just rubbing it in.

Emily, trailing the department secretary down a rusted spiral staircase, gave a deep sigh in lieu of weeping and gnashing teeth. Locked in a dungeon, let out only to give lectures, she thought. Then she saw the gargoyle.

It sat--eyes bulging, mouth gaping, hands rending its face--next to the arched basement door. Taped above was a message in red ink: "Abandon a

Cartoon 358

Caption: Anon.

Your caption on the next cartoon! Link in sidebar.
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Face-Lift 619

Guess the Plot

Probation

1. He missed 9 years of his son Timmy's life, so when Jack Wiggins gets out of prison he vows to go straight, taking a job working for Bud's Tree-N-Grass. But a deadly secret lurks below that turf!! Now Jack will need all his gangster skills to save Timmy from . . . Mole Man!!!

2. When she gets released, career shoplifter Sally Mayfield decides to put her skills to a new use -- retail security consultant. But can she resist the urge to pocket a few loose lipsticks?

3. A gan

Cartoon 357

Caption: Writtenwyrdd

Your caption on the next cartoon! Link in sidebar.
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Writing Exercise Results...

. . . are in the posts below.

The task was to compose a query letter for a randomly chosen fake plot, using nothing but questions, and including two bad analogies, one of which had to be in the first sentence.[image error]

Queryish Query 11

Would you trust blind dentist, Ted Sensitive, to perform a quadruple wisdom tooth extraction like you were a sacrificial goat in a disinfected temple with Roy Orbison crooning from an overhead speaker?

If you were sensitive to loud noises and had left home without your pants?

And who is the mysterious masked nymphette jiggling her breasts as your brain reels from the anaesthetic?

Will you ever wake up?

And if you do, will you find yourself hostage on an intergalactic orthodonticruiser, light years f

Queryish Query 9

What could possibly ruin the honeymoon of Jivat and Bardi, a couple sweeter and closer than even the gummy bears melted in the July sun? How about Bardi flirting with that whore of a waitress in Rangapur, not even noticing Jivat’s hot seaweed-green, more-revealing-than-necessary dress? Or spending more time swearing at that plastic golf club standing on the purple grass than being with her? Sure, the planet Varda is nice, but why should she put up with this kind of behaviour, like a stray cockro

Queryish Query 8

What’s Friendly Bob supposed to do? Why couldn’t there just be more room on Dagobah, more real estate to sell? And why did the people who bought land (if it could be called land) there keep complaining about a green thing that in normal sentences could not speak? What is it that people don’t like about swamps, even when the real estate has been improved with ready-made bridges?

Will Friendly Bob finally realize how much people like sun and beaches? Could he give them exactly that without having

Queryish Query 7

Dear Evil Editor:

Am I mistaken in sending this query regarding my 123,000 word Thriller-Romance Gasping Sunken Dreams™ to you? If I should be sending it to a real person instead of you, would you kindly forward this letter to a real agent in New York city for me?

Can the fate of all mankind really rest in the hands of a golf-loving-gas-station owner named Roger Swenson? So what if he did donate to some ultimately suspicious charities overseas, didn’t most people think Roger was a nice guy? Who wo

Queryish Query 6

What happens when a woman starts work as a waitress in the swankiest restaurant in town, only to discover she's stumbled onto a family of crime lords as bloodthirsty as an anemic Bulgarian?

Did Shannon think working at The Blue Gemstone would get her triple the tips she was making at Floyd's Fancy Grille and Bait Shoppe? Sure, why wouldn't she? But when she finds out the Blue Gemstone is a front for the werewolf crime lords known as the Lupens, could you blame her if she crawled like a humiliated