Barbara Schmidt's Blog, page 21

5 Tips for When You are Feeling Overwhelmed

Hello my sweet friends, wishing you a happy and healthy Sunday.

No matter where you are reading this blog, you are likely feeling the effects of the global coronavirus pandemic. It’s been an especially tough and uncertain week for us here in the United States, and I know worldwide, we are all feeling very anxious, scared, and maybe even angry.

I’ve been taking this past week in self-isolation to really dig deep and tap into ways that I can be most helpful to you, my dear community. I know that many of you rely on Peaceful Mind Peaceful Life to help navigate life, both the good and bad. And, I know that we are deeply in a time that feels very bad and overwhelming.

For us here in the States, the overwhelm is very real, as we just don’t know what life is going to look like from one day to the next. We are glued to our TVs to get the next action order from our leaders (which often times never came), and as things closed down, others stayed open, and the feeling of helplessness, restlessness, overwhelm, and everything in between, it’s easy to want to break down and call it quits.

I’ll never lie to you and say that this time is easy, for anyone. But it’s my job to help you find some tangible, practical ways to maneuver through it, to make it feel maybe a teensy bit easier, and to help you to see the bigger picture of it all; the light at the end of the darkness.

As we settle in to, what looks like a new normal, I want to put forth some tips for managing the undoubted overwhelm that will come your way, at one point or another. Overwhelm tends to bubble to the surface when there’s too much energy and information, and not enough stillness to process and proceed.

It is my hope and intention for you all this week to quell the feelings of overwhelm so that you can be a steady pillar of strength and trust, as we move through this very uncertain, and unprecedented time in our lives.

1. Carve out some time for silence and stillness. It is in these moments that we can see and hear clearly. That we can know what’s true for us, that we can understand the actions to take, and that we can cultivate the strength and bravery to take the next step.

2. Cultivate positive self-talk. I know this sounds cliche, especially at this time in life, but I urge you to hear me out! It’s even more important now to be your very own cheerleader. Remind yourself of your capabilities, that you can handle so much, that you already have handled so much, that you are always stronger than you think. In these make or break moments, we tend to flounder when our minds give up on ourselves. Give yourself the leg up, and train your brain to be your best advocate in these times.

3. Remember that you don’t have to have it all together. I keep telling myself that, there is no handbook for handling a pandemic. And it’s true. We have literally never been through anything like this before, so why would we ever expect to be perfect and maneuvering through it! It’s okay if you’re a mess, we are all a mess! It’s okay if you mess up, we all will. Trying to be perfect in a pandemic is like trying to stay dry in a hurricane. Impossible! Release the need to be everything, and focus on one thing, and then the next thing. You can do this!

4. Make your tasks manageable. In times of uncertainty and change, it always feels like there’s so much to do and not enough time. That frantic energy of scarcity and lack makes us feel worse than we already do. Make a schedule for yourself if that gives you peace of mind. Dole out tasks for each day. Give yourself bite size chunks so that tasks feel easier to swallow. No one is asking for us to be superheroes during this time, they’re just asking for us to be human, and to remember our humanity. We can’t do it all and be it all, all it once. But we can get a lot done when we know ourselves enough to give us the tasks in a manageable way.

5. Be a source of strength for others. Sometimes we get wrapped up in our own dramas and we feel like there’s nothing we can do. One of the biggest sources of energy and strength for me at this time is being of service to those in my personal life and in my community. Reach out to a friend who might be having a hard time and offer an ear. Offer to bring over some groceries to someone who might not have the time to make the stop. Get creative with how you can be helpful. When we reach out to those we care about, we are also reaching back in to care for our souls. I do truly believe that we are all in this together, and so when one of us thrives, we all will thrive. We can be that source of love and happiness for one another.

I want to close by reminding you that there is no map for these uncharted waters. Remember that we are all just doing the best we can with what we’ve been given. Remember to be kind, be patient, and understanding with others. Be compassionate towards those around you, but also for yourself. Remember your strength and resilience, and know that it will take you far.

I love you all,

Michelle

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Remembering the Importance of Space

In the sweetest irony of life, I decided to talk about space, my recent experiences with taking space, and why I believed it to be so important, a few weeks ago. I had some poignant life experiences that showed me the benefit of taking space, and as you know by now, I always share the life lessons presented to me. So here I sit, alone in my apartment, writing on this topic, as I am taking physical space from society due to the Coronavirus, and its sudden spread in the United States. So space, and its importance, is quite the hot topic in many ways this week!

First, though, let’s talk about the space that I had planned to write about. It’s become increasingly apparent that when presented with a crossroads, a difficult decision, or an anxiety producing circumstance, space always provides the clarity, the ease, and the peace to move forward.

You know those moments where you’re having a heated conversation, and you follow your knee-jerk reaction to clap back, rather than breathe and collect yourself, and you say something you really regret? Or you say something that unnecessarily escalates the situation? Or the times when you feel incredibly anxious about what to do or where to go, and you think that making a decision quickly will help, but you end up hastily choosing something that’s not exactly in your best interest?

The past few weeks I’ve had a handful of these kinds of life experiences, and in some of them, I reacted too quickly, I said the emotionally charged thing, rather than the rational one, and I had to suffer the consequences of it. Subsequently, I also had those moments, where I was aware enough to take the space, to breathe, to regroup, to step away, and to see the situation from a different perspective. I experienced so much grace, clarity and peace of mind, because I took that space.

Space, in any circumstance, provides us with the necessary pause, the opportunity to recalibrate, and the freedom to know and understand the next right action. When you take space you take back your power, you strengthen your confidence, and you remember the deep feeling of trust in yourself that lives within you always.

Knowing all of this, I force myself to take space. When an email requires me to respond with important information, I take space. When I receive a difficult text message that triggers me and pushes me to want to send back an emotional response, I take space. When I simply don’t know what to do, I take space. The space allows me to breathe, to feel free, and to feel at peace, and it’s become one of the best things I’ve done for my life, for my work, and for my relationships.

Now, of course, we come to the physical act of taking space. Social distancing. Self-isolating. Quarantining. All of this has a similar power and meaning, given what is happening for all of us at this time. For a bit of time I downplayed the importance of this space in regards to our public health and welfare. In my own reflection and in educating myself, my naiveté was very wrong.

I’m not an expert on health, global pandemics, and public policy in response to these things, but I do know that when faced with potential catastrophe and preventable loss of life, it is crucial that we all take responsibility for ourselves and take the necessary precautions to stay healthy and well. I see the importance of taking this space, of limiting interactions and unnecessary social outings, and I encourage you all to consider what you can do to be apart of a solution to this global problem.

I also know that the ramifications of this global event are very anxiety producing. There’s so much at stake. So, I also encourage you all to really take care of yourselves in mind, body, and spirit. This is where social media can be a true friend. While you are in this necessary time of taking space, please remember to stay connected virtually, and find your safety and security in the space that you take.

Know that we are here for you and this community supports and loves you, always.

xo, Michelle

 

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Remembering Your Dreams

Happy Sunday, my sweet friends!

This week I hope to keep the blog short and sweet.

I had a difficult week last week. There wasn’t just one thing that was getting me down, a combination of all the life’s difficulties just hit me a little harder than usual. It felt especially tough because the self-care practices that usually life me out of darker times just didn’t seem to be cutting it.

Life is difficult, and these times feel incredibly challenging. It’s easy to let everything that happens externally, greatly influence us internally. It’s easy to get bogged down in negativity, and fail to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

What helps me the most, when everything else seems to fail, is to remember my dreams, my highest ideals, and the things that give me hope. When things feel heavy or gloomy, the silver lining is remembering that we can find stability in hope, and the belief that something beautiful is always around the corner.

When I take the time to visualize and remember that I am a creative being, capable of molding and shaping my life to go after my dreams and desires, I find myself back in equilibrium again.

Life tends to lose its feeling of magic, when we allow everything that rattles us to rob us of our future and our joy. Our power lies in our own awareness to shift, align, and reach for our dreams, knowing that they are always right around the corner.

Here’s to all of us feeling empowered to never stop moving towards our dreams.

xo,

Michelle

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What I’ve Learned About Making Mistakes

There’s an interesting aspect about being on a path towards self-improvement, we tend to try really hard to get clear, grounded, and aligned, but we forget that we are human beings who sometimes make the wrong choices. Sometimes we can have all the right answers in front of us, and still make the wrong choices.

I’ve never thought of myself as a perfectionist, until recently, when I made a handful of subpar life choices, and went very heavily into self-judgment and punishment, because in my mind,  I felt that I should be better than that. Since I’ve done work on myself, I assumed I might not ever make a mistake or take a misstep again. Which is simply setting myself up for failure and unnecessary heartache.

Just because we cultivate clarity and alignment doesn’t mean that we are always going to act accordingly, and that’s okay. Our humanness is always okay.

As I’ve been unravelling some of the errors in judgment I’ve made over the past few months, it has been a full time job to remember, not to pile on to the anxiety that I felt for making the mistakes; not to make my life more uncomfortable by being extra hard on myself. I had to remember that it doesn’t do me any good to punish myself even more than the natural consequences that unfolded for acting out of my own best interests.

When we are fully in the midst of difficult consequences it can feel like we’ll never get out of our own self-induced pressure cooker. What’s helpful to remember is that everything passes, no feelings are permanent, and that we can always right our wrongs through thoughtful action and changed behavior.

I truly believe that life presents us with diverse experiences, opportunities, and yes, hardships. I trust that whatever is placed on my path, I can handle, and that even when I choose out of my own best interest, my self-awareness and commitment to growth can assist me through anything with grace and a little bit of grit.

We are not perfect human beings, so it’s fruitless to expect that we will act perfectly. The beautiful lesson of mistakes or missteps is the grace that we can bring upon ourselves to know that forgiveness is always possible, growth is always happening, and our story doesn’t end when we take a misaligned turn.

If you’re going through something that makes you feel like you’ve messed it all up, forgive yourself, be present to your feelings, and allow yourself the space to move through what life has presented to you without your own self-judgment. Remember, the personal, inner world we do on ourselves gives us the strength and wisdom to maneuver through whatever life choices we make. Cultivate the awareness to see the lessons that are at the surface and know that in every single present moment, we have the opportunity to choose again.

xo,

Michelle

 

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Tapping Into Our Values

I know in many of my blogs, I talk about how we can uncover, build, and sustain deep, meaningful foundations for our lives. I fully believe in the power of establishing a strong relationship with ourselves, bringing positive and helpful practices in to our daily routines, and being mindful of our thoughts and actions day in and day out. It’s this inner work that I feel extends into our outward reality, helping to navigate us through this winding, difficult and often times confusing life.

One of the most enriching, and clarifying practices that I now cultivate in my life, is to understand and tap into what I value. I remember so often as a little girl in school, I would hear teachers and mentors talk about family values or religious values or school values, like a rule of law that was to be followed, but really never understood. Values always seemed like they were placed upon me, rather than unearthed from within me.

In no surprise, those forced upon values didn’t seem to stick, and I began to notice as I got older that I didn’t really know what I valued, or what I stood for. I was always outwardly searching for what mattered to me, going with the grain, rather than taking a moment to check in with me to feel what was aligned.

Tapping into our inner values, is a huge step towards self-realization, to understanding, to confidence, and to a deep knowing of direction and purpose. Values are the cornerstones of our lives, they shape our beliefs, transform our thoughts, and heavily influence our words and actions.

I think sometimes we forget that we have the power to choose what we value, and we can amass the bravery to speak and act in alignment with those values. It’s an empowering and freeing reminder that I know we could all stand to hear in these times that we live in.

If, like me, you grew up with a set of values placed upon you, and feel a bit confused about how to tap in and uncover what is right for you, know that having the awareness and the desire is always the first step. Establishing the connection within, helps you to learn more about yourself, the person living your life, and how you want to live it, and it’s such a beautiful practice.

My favorite, and probably one of the simpler ways to uncover truths that live inside all of us, is to simply ask the important questions.

Sitting quietly, with a journal, slowly ask yourself these questions. Without overthinking or overanalyzing, write down what answers come to mind, and free write the responses.

Who am I?

What do I really want?

What do I value?

What impact do I wish to have on the world?

What are the aligned actions I can take that bring me closer to what I desire?

Whenever I take part in this practice, I always learn something new about myself, and it is so rewarding. In establishing and truly understanding what I, Michelle, value in this life, I have felt such a feeling of freedom, confidence, clarity, and peace; and I wish that deeply for all of you.

xo,

Michelle

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Redefining Love

As we are on the heels of Valentine’s Day, and the topic of love is all around us, I felt it would be fun to dive a little deeper into love, and examine how we truly define it. Valentine’s Day used to be really triggering for me, as I often craved that deep romantic love with the over-the-top gestures, so when I didn’t see that in my life, I got bummed out. Repeatedly.

What’s been great about redefining love, in my life in particular, is that it has opened me up to seeing how much love there is in the world, that expands way past the romantic love that commercial holidays represent.

I love to define love as the little moments, the tiny gestures, the in-betweens in life that make us feel, that give us pause, that allow us to be seen.

I love to think of love as the underlying motivator that encourages us to do good, to be better, to be kinder, and more compassionate.

I love to feel love as a recognition of kindness from someone, as an appreciation and an openness for human connection.

I love to see love as inclusion, empathy, and care.

What’s beautiful about love is that it’s so much more than romance, it’s how you treat yourself, how you treat those around you, how present you are, and the care you put in to your life.

Thank you all for the love you show to me, I send it all right back to you.

I’d love to hear, how do you define love?

xo,

Michelle

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Understanding Toxic Patterns

Though I think it can be difficult and unpleasant at times, I find it incredibly important to be mindful and aware of our own toxic patterns and behaviors. We all have them. We get wrapped up in life and it’s crazy circumstances, and then, behave in ways that are not the most aligned.

Because it is true that we all have these traits, it doesn’t make us bad for being this way. We don’t have to beat ourselves up when we mess up, or get totally down when we know better and still don’t do better. We are humans, it’s lifelong work to unpack and uncover who we are and why we act the way we do. 

One of the most meaningful and impactful practices I have incorporated into my life, has been to really understand my own toxic patterns, witness them when they are playing out, and consciously choose to act differently, in a more aligned way, all the while holding the space and grace for myself and for my own missteps.

Toxic patterns can show up anywhere in our lives, from romantic relationships to colleagues to family. For me personally, I know that in certain circumstances when it come to romantic relationships, I get triggered and act completely out of character. It’s almost like an out of body experience, where I look back and have to ask myself, “who even was that?”. The feelings of regret and remorse when we do and say things that are out of alignment never feel great, so it’s my hope for this week’s blog to help us all understand these dynamics at play in our lives, so maybe, we can choose differently, and treat ourselves more compassionately.

When it comes to toxic patterns and behaviors it’s important to……..

Know your triggers–Are there certain people or places or circumstances that make you feel like you’re automatically in fight or flight mode? Do you feel like you act out of impulse rather than rationale? Take note of these specific kinds of situations, the more knowledge you have of yourself, the better.

Notice the red flags–Red flags are tiny signs and sirens happening in our lives to let us know that something isn’t right. It could be the behavior of someone you’ve just let into your life, it could be manipulations, it could be actions that cause you to feel triggered. It’s incredibly important to notice the red flags, and make sure you don’t make excuses for them and deny that they are there.

Set aligned boundaries–Boundaries are massive when it comes to releasing toxicity, and the funny thing is, boundaries don’t have to be a bad thing. Setting boundaries is not about keeping people away, rather it is a powerful act of self-care. If you know that something or someone will bring out unpleasant behavior, set standards for yourself and those around you, to set yourself up for success.

Acknowledge your own behavior–It’s always helpful to take responsibility for yourself and your behaviors if you feel like you’ve acted out of character. People love people who own their actions, and you’ll feel better about yourself when you own it, too.

I say this often, but I believe it to be true so I’ll say it again, awareness is the true key to change. When we are aware, we can make shifts, big and small, to create a life that feels more aligned and less toxic. So here’s to doing just that!

xo, Michelle

 

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The Surprising Lesson I Learned After a Friendship Breakup

Last year I went through a pretty difficult break-up, with one of my best friends. Break-ups are hard, no matter the circumstance, but this one really stung, and to make matters worse, I never really fully understood why we had a falling out (I was completely ghosted).

Like with any break in a close relationship, you go through all the possible feelings. The anger, the doubt, the guilt, the sadness, the regret, and then finally, the acceptance. I found acceptance in the fact that a relationship that I valued so much, is no longer, but truthfully, it’s been a long journey.

The interesting thing about feeling really grounded in acceptance, is that life tends to present you a lesson, to really see just how settled you are with it.

Recently, I was in a social setting, where someone who I didn’t know, randomly, and completely unprompted, starting raving about my former friend. I stood there, stunned, and listened. I heard how well she’s doing, how inspiring she is, and how incredibly kind she was to this person. And, let me tell you, I didn’t like it one bit.

It was so hard to swallow, I didn’t love to hear just how well this person, who hurt me so deeply, was doing in her life. I wanted so badly to interject the “if you really know the whole story” thing, but I just kept my mouth shut, and let out a controlled, “wow, that’s really nice” in response.

Inside, I was a mess. I was rattled and disappointed, and I really had to sit with myself and figure out why I was so upside down that this person’s success made me feel this way.  Did I want her to fail? To not be okay? To be a mess without me in her life? Truthfully, initially, yes. (Not proud to admit that).

I really didn’t like putting so much energy towards hoping someone would fail, which is exactly the surprising lesson I learned, in this moment, about friends and break-ups.

Just because a relationship didn’t work out for you, and your energy, and your life, doesn’t mean that person has to fail in other relationships, and in life, moving forward. I realized this, it does me no good, to harbor ill will, towards someone who has no representation in my life. And truthfully, don’t we all, deep down want people to succeed? And to be kind? And to be liked? Don’t we want society to be good? Even if it means rooting for people who have wronged us (from afar)?

The world is hard enough, cruel enough, difficult enough as it is, for us to be wishing for other people’s failures. In fact, I started to think, if everyone wished ill will on someone from their past, we all would be cursing each other for eternity, and I just don’t think we need that in this day and age.

My lesson from this was simple. I can honor my former friend’s accomplishments, achievements, and successes, from a distance. I can let the feelings move through me and I can find happiness when someone else is doing good in the world, even if that means that person isn’t doing good by me. Because it’s 2020, and we all know that toxic negativity is ever present, and if we all can find some space in our hearts to root for all of us, we might feel, and be a bit better and happier.

Here’s to all of us rooting for each other.

xo,

Michelle

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The Power of Solitude

We receive hundreds of emails and messages online weekly from our lovely community members about topics they would like to learn more about. I love reading these messages. So often, what you all crave to read, tends to be issues and lessons, I, too, am working on, and of course, love to share how I maneuver it all with you.

Recently, I’ve read many messages about the topic of loneliness, and how to be okay being alone. This topic is HUGE for me. I think, if I had to compare, I’ve spent more time alone, then most people. For some reason, that’s just how my life has worked out. I grew up as an only child, so I often played in my room alone. Even in adulthood, life has presented these voids of human contact, so for a long, long time I thought this meant that there was something wrong with me. That it made me unwanted or unloved or unenjoyable to be with.

Feeling lonely is one of the most difficult feelings to process and to work through, I believe. There’s a feeling of lack, of exclusion, of unworthiness, that encapsulates you, and because you are, in fact, alone, it’s up to you to get yourself out of it. I can recall many nights where I’ve felt incredibly lonely, and allowed myself to stew in all those messy feelings, which of course made me feel that much worse. There was no power in my loneliness, only pity.

The truth of the matter now is, I really love to be alone. I crave alone time, I schedule it into my life, and if I don’t have enough of it (for my standards) I feel wonky and out of sorts. When I learned to differentiate between feelings of loneliness and the power of my own solitude, I shifted from judging my alone time to craving it.

Before I could differentiate, I would stave off being alone, for fear of the feelings that would come with it, and I would often get myself in to circumstances with people who I simply was not aligned with. So even though I ended up not being alone, the lingering feelings of loneliness persisted inside of me.

Our power is that we can make choices and we can choose who, how, and where we spend our time and energy. I can now choose to be with people who make me feel alive rather than invisible, I can join communities that are aligned rather than resistant, and I can also choose the pleasure of my own company because it’s nourishing and satisfying, not depressing and uncomfortable.

In cultivating a deep relationship with ourselves, our needs, and our emotions, we develop a knowing for when we need to be alone, and when we need to be around loved ones, and then we can act accordingly. The power is in the knowing and in the subsequent action. If you’re feeling lonely and misunderstood, get creative in your community. If you feel depleted by your social calendar, perhaps it’s time to take a step back and start to revel in your own company.

There is peace in my life, knowing this difference, and I wish that so much for all of you.

xo,

Michelle

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In Gratitude

If you follow Peaceful Mind Peaceful Life on Instagram, this week you probably noticed we hit a major milestone: ONE MILLION supporters!

For a long, long time, I really ignored numbers and stats like that. I never wanted our work to be about quantity, but rather quality and impact. I separated myself from the data so much, that when the time came to celebrate the occasion, I didn’t allow myself to feel the joy of the milestone. I thought, that’s great, let’s keep moving on.

And then I saw our feed get flooded with comments of happiness, celebration, and gratitude. It was pure love, and it forced me to reconsider my stance, and truly take note of the impact that was taking place.

When I allowed myself to actually sit for a minute, and reflect on what that particular milestone meant to me, I was able to deeply feel the pride and the joy. I think too often we force ourselves to push past important moments in our lives, brushing them off as if they are meaningless, when really, they’re not.

Life is challenging, difficult, and at times chaotic. Celebrating wins, whether big or small, is an important act of self-care. If we don’t take time to honor the things that go right in our lives, the things that go right will feel like they pass us by.

So this week I wish you share with you some truths I was reminded of this week about milestones:

Remember…

…Life will always present to us important milestones, make sure you celebrate them, even when they feel small.

…Take pride in yourself, and in your life for what you’ve accomplished, even if you don’t feel like it’s enough.

…Know that your life and your work has impact and meaning, even if you can’t see it.

…Have gratitude for the things that go right, even when you feel like a lot is going wrong.

In closing, I just want to offer up my sincerest gratitude for all of you who choose to be with us, every day. Life is filled with choices, and I’m truly honored you’ve decided to be apart of our world.

xo,

Michelle

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