Edward Hoornaert's Blog, page 67
July 9, 2016
Effing Feline solves a litter box problem
Fart-Fueled Flying Feline, Effing for short, writes the Weekend Writing Warrior / Sunday Snippet posts on Mr. V’s behalf
I, Effing Feline, post this weekly column on behalf of my pet human, Ed Hoornaert, aka Mr Valentine. You may think that cat bloggers are unusual, and you’re right. I’m an unusual cat.
Today’s snippet is from the short story, Thimbleriggers, contained in Future Love, Mr V’s brand new release. It picks up shortly after last week’s snippet … which you may not have read, because I forgot to post the link. As punishment, Mr V cruelly forced me to clean my own litter box. And it stinks!
Aldous, a petty crook using new technology to buy 90-year-old Kathy Hall’s memories as pornography, discovered she’s still married to her high school sweetheart. In this snippet, Kathy’s youthful relationship with David Hall is progressing rapidly. Edited slightly from the published version.
Aldous leaned forward and studied the woman’s face. How could such a gorgeous girl grow up to be so . . . old? Out of nowhere, he wondered what he’d look like in seventy years.
He trudged back to the chair and put the helmet back on, just in time to find Kathy standing in an alcove in the hallway outside her parent’s apartment, kissing David. Being at the end of the hall, the alcove was marginally more private than the living room where she and David often necked after dates.
As they kissed, his hands roamed over her sweater; then under. Lately, he’d sought the clasp of her bra — and for the first time, she didn’t stop him. But if Dad caught them . . .
With a quiver of shock, Aldous realized he didn’t want David doing this, even if the memory made him rich. The boy’s touch on Kathy’s virgin breasts excited Aldous — and yet the him that was watching became more furious than aroused.
Effing Feline here again. For fear of having to clean out my litter box again, I’ve taken to using the far corner in Mr V’s closet. Good solution, eh?
Be sure to visit the other Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sundays posts.
Are any of you going the RWA National Conference in San Diego next week? If so, maybe I’ll see you there.
Future Love has been released!
Now available at the special introductory price of just 99c
A spaceman wins the woman of his dreams . . . but it’s too late. A crook invents a new form of pornography . . . but it teaches him about love, not sex. A man pursues his beloved beyond death . . . but finds only the evil in his own heart.
The SF short stories in Edward Hoornaert’s Future Love probe how the future will make today’s romance seem simple and tame by comparison. Think that’s not possible? You have much to learn.
If you crave stories that deal honestly with love’s potential for redemption, you’ll adore Future Love. Seize tomorrow today – read Future Love.
Amazon | Canada | UK | Australia
Apple iBooks
Barnes and Noble
Smashwords
Kobo
July 5, 2016
By Jupiter, she made it!
As a romance author, I sing the praises of girl meets boy.
Woman meets man.
Goddess meets god.
Just such a meeting happened this week, as the king of the gods met the woman made specially for him. The Juno spacecraft has reached planet Jupiter. Talk about a match made in heaven.
Here’s their meet-cute, and the queen of the gods approaches her lover from a distance. NASA released this time-lapse video taken during the approach, showing Jupiter glowing yellow in the distance and its four inner moons dancing around it.
The trip took nearly five years and 1.8 billion miles (2.8 billion kilometres). Juno is the first spacecraft to venture so far from Earth powered by the sun.
My congratulations to the happy couple.
For more about the Juno mission
For more about the mythic Jupiter and Juno . . . with apologies for the incest.
Jupiter and Juno, by Annibale Carracci.
July 2, 2016
Effing Feline has new glasses
Fart-Fueled Flying Feline, Effing for short, writes the Weekend Writing Warrior / Sunday Snippet posts on Mr. V’s behalf
I, Effing Feline have new glasses. In this month of national celebrations, I’m taking no chances of upsetting anyone in the far-flung, utterly confused family of my pet human, Ed Hoornaert, aka Mr Valentine.
Today’s snippet is from the short story, Thimbleriggers, contained in Future Love, Mr V’s brand new release. To pay for an expensive operation for her long-time husband, ninety-year-old Kathy is selling her sexual memories to young Aldous Wiggins.
Aldous’s ‘wound’ is his father’s disloyalty in letting him go to jail (after his fifth arrest for shoplifting) rather than paying for expensive lawyers. Aldous retaliates by plunging into the scandalous life of a pornographer.
In this snippet, Aldous has just experienced the memory of Kathy’s first-ever kiss, in the band room after school. Edited slightly from the published version.
Shivers roared down Aldous’s back. Trembling, he yanked off the helmet.
The name, her last name. On his hands and knees, he edged close to Kathy and craned his neck to read the application form clutched in her ancient, wrinkled hand.
Kathleen Hall.
But . . .
No way.
Hall was a common name. No one, repeat no one, was so loyal they married and spent their whole life with the first guy they kissed.
Effing Feline here again. Happy WhateverTheHeckDayYouCelebrate.
And be sure to visit the other Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sundays posts.
.
Future Love has been released!
Now available at the special introductory price of just 99c
A spaceman wins the woman of his dreams . . . but it’s too late. A crook invents a new form of pornography . . . but it teaches him about love, not sex. A man pursues his beloved beyond death . . . but finds only the evil in his own heart.
The SF short stories in Edward Hoornaert’s Future Love probe how the future will make today’s romance seem simple and tame by comparison. Think that’s not possible? You have much to learn.
If you crave stories that deal honestly with love’s potential for redemption, you’ll adore Future Love. Seize tomorrow today – read Future Love.
Amazon | Canada | UK | Australia
Apple iBooks
Barnes and Noble
Smashwords
Kobo
June 30, 2016
Future Love now available – SFR Brigade Showcase
Every month, the Science Fiction Romance Brigade highlights some of its brilliant authors.
Every month, the Science Fiction Romance Brigade showcases some of its members. The Brigade is an association of authors who write — what else? — science fiction and romance. Its members include many of the biggest names in the field.
And then there’s me.
Future Love is Live
What better way to participate in the showcase than to celebrate a new release?
As of June 30, Future Love is available at the special introductory price of just 99c.
Future Love is my fifteenth published book. That number includes including science fiction, contemporary romance, sci fi romance, and programming for children. But this slender tome is special. It’s my first-ever collection of short stories. Some have been previously published; others are virgin tails tales exposed to reader eyes for the first time.
In the future, love will get even tougher . . .
To Cry in Zero GA spaceman wins the woman of his dreams. Too late.
Devil, Devil
A stranded time-traveler searches for the love he abandoned in his past.
Thimbleriggers
A crook invents a new form of pornography but it teaches him about love. Not sex.
Audition at Sexsmith Station
A woman crosses the galaxy for revenge. But revenge isn’t as simple as she expected.
Love and Death in a Teriyaki Cathedral
A man pursues his beloved beyond death, but finds only the evil in his own heart.
About the Cover
In designing this cover, I had three goals:
Look good as a thumbnail, because that’s what prospective readers will first see online. Hence the simple design, with few elements.Tell readers the book is science fiction. Hence the star field background.
Tell readers that while these stories revolve around love and make better people of the lovers, not all are romances. Some explore unrequited love; a husband’s love for his dead wife; or virtual love that transcends generations. Hence the tear-streaked eyes that nonetheless stare straight ahead, boldly and with determination.
The eyes are from an original watercolor titled Yearning, by Linda Pajunen, a fine young artist from Finland. It was great working with you, Linda.
What next?
Step One (optional): Find Future Love for yourself at the special introductory price of just 99c, and get additional copies for your friends, family, and acquaintances. They’ll thank you, even if they’re merely being polite.
Amazon | Canada | UK | Australia
Apple iBooks
Barnes and Noble
Smashwords
Kobo
Step Two: Visit the other great writers in the SFR Brigade Showcase.
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June 28, 2016
Congratulations to the 2016 On The Far Side Finalists
Every year, the Futuristic, Fantasy, and Paranormal chapter of the RWA runs two contests. The Prism contest is for works published in the previous year, and the On the Far Side contest is for unpublished authors.
The finalists of OTFS have been released and are listed below.
Personal aside #1: Several years ago, my Alien Contact for Idiots was a finalist in Futuristic category.
Personal aside #2: I was a contest judge who had the honor of reading one of the finalist entries. I loved it and feel it would be a worthy winner. From personal experience, then, let me say that the quality of these tales is very high. Congratulations to all!
Romantic Elements
The Harbinger, Emily Meredith
Lost in Transmigration, Tessa McFionn
Book of Secrets, Claudia Blood
Hard Sci-Fi/SciFi/Futuristic
Of Two Minds, Emily Clark
My Hand Has Written Truth, Sandra J. Marten
Star Gazers, Diana Rivis
Dark/Light/General paranormal
A Ghost of A Chance, Katie Baldwin
Wolf, Interrupted, Jillian Stone
A Child of Eden, Lauralynn Doran
Steampunk/Time Travel
Heart of Bronze, Laurel Kerr
Victoria Station, Emily Clark
The Seductress, Jessica Grace Kelley
Urban Fantasy
Hellbound, Ashli Wade
A Shadow’s Kiss, Grace Adams
Dragon’s Spell, Gina Bono
Fantasy
Desperate Sacrifice, Linda Schad
Child of Destiny, T.E. Bradford
Overlaird, A Novel of the Lairds of Light, C. D. Cutty
Young Adult
Soren’s Resistance, Christine Gunderson
Dark in Nature, Madeline Rue
Society of the Living Dead, Catherine Avril Morris
New Adult
Winter’s Kiss, Bryonna Nobles
A Destruction of Wildcats, Margo Bond Collins
Much Like Falling, Laurie Treacy
Erotic
Awakened, Sydney Keys
MortalDesire: Book 1 in theDistant Edge Romance Series (Witchy), Chloe Adler
Renegade, Sara Avellino
June 25, 2016
Effing Feline knows witchcraft when he sees it
Fart-Fueled Flying Feline, Effing for short, writes the Weekend Writing Warrior / Sunday Snippet posts on Mr. V’s behalf
I, Effing Feline, am smarter than humans. You’ve probably noticed that about me.
Today is the 90th birthday of an aunt of my pet human, Ed Hoornaert. She and her husband recently celebrated their 71st wedding anniversary . . . sort of like Kathy in the short story Thimbleriggers. Mr V insists that’s pure coincidence, since he wrote the story several years ago. But after associating with witches for so many centuries, us cats know better.
It’s spooky, magical witchcraft!
Thimbleriggers is from Future Love, Mr V’s collection of short stories available June 30. Ninety-year-old Kathy is selling her sexual memories. In this memory, she has volunteered to help out in the band room after school with David Hall, whom she likes even though he’s never seemed to notice her.
“I like you, Kathy.” For a change, he was nervous rather than self-assured.
He liked her, David Hall actually liked her? There was a God!
When he leaned forward, she tilted her face in invitation. And when they kissed, heat flooded her, carrying sensations she’d never imagined . . . and they kept building and growing inside her until she thought she’d burst from a boiling eruption of need. Her knees went so weak that she wobbled against his body, hot and scalding. She immediately jerked back as though stung, and stared at him, breathing heavily, her entire body alert, alive, waiting, eager. Yet frightened, too.
“Wow,” Kathy and David whispered at the same time.
Be sure to visit the other Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sundays posts.
.
Future Love is coming June 30
A spaceman wins the woman of his dreams … but it’s too late. A crook invents a new form of pornography … but it teaches him about love, not sex. A man pursues his beloved beyond death … but finds only the evil in his own heart.
The SF short stories in Edward Hoornaert’s Future Love probe how the future will make today’s romance seem simple and tame by comparison. Think that’s not possible? You have much to learn…
If you crave stories that deal honestly with love’s potential for redemption, you’ll adore Future Love. Seize tomorrow today – pre-order Future Love.
Amazon | Canada | UK | Australia
Apple iBooks
Barnes and Noble
Smashwords
Kobo
June 18, 2016
Effing Feline spontaneously combusts
Fart-Fueled Flying Feline, Effing for short, writes the Weekend Writing Warrior / Sunday Snippet posts on Mr. V’s behalf
I, Effing Feline, would wish all the dads out there a happy Father’s Day, but my paws are too slippery and sweaty to type.
Depending on which forecast you believe, it’ll be either 114, 116, or 117 degrees today. We poor cats sweat only through the pads of our feet, which is pathetically inadequate for surviving inside an oven.
Today’s snippet skips ahead a bit in the short story Thimbleriggers, contained in Future Love, Ed Hoornaert’s upcoming collection of shorts. Ninety-year-old Kathy is selling her early sexual memories to a would-be pornographer. This memory is from her last year of high school.
A trombone glissando announced the next memory, only a week after her sexual awakening with Lucy Hammond. Background information flooded Aldous: Kathy was in the high school band room, and the band teacher was asking for two after-school volunteers to distribute music into the band folders.
Kathy glanced at the clarinet section, where Lucy rolled her eyes, agreeing the job was for losers. But as Kathy swabbed her flute, the band teacher said, “Thank you, David.”
Her heart skipped several beats. David Hall was a quiet, serious oboist who didn’t know she existed. He wasn’t a brown nose—too much calm confidence for that—yet he always volunteered for thankless tasks. Why? He fit no stereotypes; maybe that was why he captivated her daydreams.
She raised her hand to volunteer, waving her swab like a white flag of sexual surrender.
Effing Feline again. If any of you live in Antarctica, Greenland, or northern Siberia, would you please adopt me? Real quick, before my fur spontaneously combusts?
Be sure to visit the other Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sundays posts.
.
Future Love is available for pre-order
A spaceman wins the woman of his dreams … but it’s too late. A crook invents a new form of pornography … but it teaches him about love, not sex. A man pursues his beloved beyond death … but finds only the evil in his own heart.
The SF short stories in Edward Hoornaert’s Future Love probe how the future will make today’s romance seem simple and tame by comparison. Think that’s not possible? You have much to learn…
If you crave stories that deal honestly with love’s potential for redemption, you’ll adore Future Love. Seize tomorrow today – pre-order Future Love.
Amazon
Amazon Canada
Amazon UK
Amazon Australia
Apple iBooks
Barnes and Noble
Smashwords
Kobo
June 11, 2016
Effing Feline Marks Stuff Down
Fart-Fueled Flying Feline, Effing for short, writes the Weekend Writing Warrior / Sunday Snippet posts on Mr. V’s behalf
I, Effing Feline, has yet to received even a single order for one of his drawings, which were a steal at $97.62. Although appalled by the philistine tastes of WeWriWa folks, I’ve decided to seduce you by offering a bargain you can’t possibly refuse. This week only, I’m offering any two meowsterpieces for only $19124!
Today’s snippet continues from the short story, Thimbleriggers, contained in Future Love, Mr V’s upcoming collection of short stories. Ninety-year-old Kathy is reliving her earliest sexy memory, from when she was thirteen.
The forgotten cup of water spilled, drenching the lap of Kathy’s seersucker nightgown. She couldn’t move; her body was too clogged with outlandish, heart-pounding sensations. Kathy swallowed hard and scratched her mosquito bites, then kept touching her legs lightly because it felt so inexplicably good to do so.
“I’m gonna be rich,” Aldous crowed.
Kathy hid behind the Doric column until the babysitter fell asleep in her boyfriend’s arms, and then the memory went grey.
Aldous slipped off the helmet, recuperating while the breadbox processed the memory before nudging the old lady’s brain for the next one. He wiped his brow with a sleeve. He was sweating like an Eskimo in Egypt—and not because the room was warm.
Even better than the skin, if that were possible, were Kathy’s innocent, lust-flavored reactions, which ran the gamut from childlike shock though first-ever arousal. Like an actress whom the camera loved, mem-feeds adored this woman.
Be sure to visit the other Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sundays posts.
.
Future Love is available for pre-order
A spaceman wins the woman of his dreams … but it’s too late. A crook invents a new form of pornography … but it teaches him about love, not sex. A man pursues his beloved beyond death … but finds only the evil in his own heart.
The SF short stories in Edward Hoornaert’s Future Love probe how the future will make today’s romance seem simple and tame by comparison. Think that’s not possible? You have much to learn…
If you crave stories that deal honestly with love’s potential for redemption, you’ll adore Future Love. Seize tomorrow today – pre-order Future Love.
Amazon
Amazon Canada
Amazon UK
Amazon Australia
Apple iBooks
Barnes and Noble
Smashwords
Kobo
Explore the Afterlife!
for one more glimpse of a loved one?
In Future Love, Edward Hoornaert’s collection of science fiction short stories, we meet alien animals called Cuddlies that can let you glimpse your loved ones — even after their death.
In the story Love and Death in a Teriyaki Forest, Pericles Harris pursues his beloved beyond death … but finds only the evil in his own heart.
Future Love — coming June 30
Available now for presale
Inspired by NASA’s fanciful travel posters for other worlds, I have designed travel posters for some of my science fiction worlds. I enjoy doing graphics work from time to time; it’s a great change from a word processor. Today for the first time, here is a travel poster for Future Love, featuring that seductive teriyaki forest.
See more travel posters for my worlds of fiction. Have you every thought about promoting travel to your worlds by creating a poster? Tell us about it in the comments.
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Love is gonna get tougher and trickierA spaceman wins the woman of his dreams … but it’s too late. A crook invents a new form of pornography … but it teaches him about love, not sex. A man pursues his beloved beyond death … but finds only the evil in his own heart.
The SF short stories in Edward Hoornaert’s Future Love probe how the future will make today’s romance seem simple and tame by comparison. Think that’s not possible? You have much to learn…
If you crave stories that deal honestly with love’s potential for heartbreak and redemption, you’ll adore Future Love.
Seize tomorrow today – pre-order Future Love.
Amazon
Amazon Canada
Amazon UK
Amazon Australia
Apple iBooks
Barnes and Noble
Smashwords
Kobo
June 9, 2016
Winners, winners everywhere
Readers who followed the recent Bewitching Book Tour celebrating the release of Escapee could enter a Rafflecopter giveaway — and I’m delighted to announce the winners.
Five electronic copies of book one in this series, The Guardian Angel of Farflung Station.
And the winners are:
Alan Saxon
Sarah L
Janet Watson
Ann Fantom
Anna
Drumroll please! The winner of the grand prize, a $25 Amazon gift certificate is:
Anne
All winners are being contacted by e-mail. Congratulations to all, and to all a good night. Ho, ho, ho!
