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Effing Feline pities humans

I, Effing Feline, know Ed’s a big guy, several inches over six feet, and yeah, that gives him an advantage over me. But he has no claws — and that, I believe, evens the odds.

In today’s selection from The Guardian Angel of Farflung Station, Sandrina spies on Duke, the man she loves from afar, as he works out with his sparring partner.

T.X. Mooney entered. Though older, his body was muscular, too. Unbidden, Mooney’s greatest fear and need wriggled into Sandrina’s mind. It was always the same for her, fears and needs, nothing else. That horrific day in her childhood had imprinted itself so deeply on her mind as to twist even her psychic abilities.

Mooney’s greatest need: To salvage his pride by besting Duke. Sure, Duke sometimes let him win a bout, but that was worse than losing.

Greatest fear: That Duke would find out about him.

Find out what?

That’s ten . . . but here are a few more.

They faced each other across a mat. As they bowed to each other, a realization tore through Sandrina.

She couldn’t read Duke. Nothing. Not even a whisper of his mind wafted to hers.

Why not? What did it mean?

Effing Feline here again. I can’t help from feel that if either of these sparring partners had claws like mine, there’d be no contest.

No claws? Pitiful.

Be sure to check out the other great writers in Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday.

The Guardian Angel of Farflung Station

The space pirates think they’ve conquered Farflung Space Station–but they didn’t count on Duke. The station’s Head of Security wants to prove to his army-officer parents he’s outgrown his youthful rebelliousness. Defeating a pirate army seems like the perfect opportunity.

And they didn’t count on Lockey. This kick-ass princess knows every weapon and martial arts system in the galaxy–and she fell in love with Duke at first sight. It’s not only her job to destroy the pirates, it’s her bloodthirstiest wish.

And most importantly, they didn’t count on Sandrina. After loving Duke from afar, she now yearns to fight with—and for—him. The attractive waif has discovered so many of Farflung’s secrets that she’s the most powerful person on the station—though nobody knows it yet.

They’re about to find out.

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Effing Feline rejoices!

I, Effing Feline, have my favorite radiator back!

That’s right. My pet human, author Ed Hoornaert, is back home after three+ weeks in hospital and then rehab. He didn’t realize his back surgery would be quite this debilitating, or that he’d have s scar running from tailbone to shoulder blade..

He’s not writing yet, so I’m selecting from one of his favorite books, The Guardian Angel of Farflung Station. Sandrina is a young woman whose wound is rather concrete.

She can’t talk. But that doesn’t keep her from developing a crush on Farflung Space Station’s new head of security — from a distance. She feels too defective to ever approach a man.

When she was little, she’d used the space station’s vast network of ventilation shafts as her private highways. In here she wasn’t substandard, she was the queen of this dark domain, able to travel without anyone seeing her though she could see and hear everything. The key was to move silently, without making the sheet metal walls pound like quasar-sized drums. That was a lot harder now, which was why she hadn’t gone ‘underground’ for years.

Until today.

She reached her destination. Lying prone in a ventilation shaft overlooking the males-only gym, Sandrina watched Principal Officer Dukelsky jab a punching bag. He wore a shock-absorbing slalom suit that hugged his body as though painted on. The view from the rear was tantalizing, but she wished he’d turn to face her.

On a whim—more like a compulsion—Sandrina had hacked into his personal records. Even his daybook.

That’s ten . . . but here are a few more.

She’d learned his gym time and that his sparing partner, T.X. Mooney, was a former soldier, now manager of Farflung’s branch of Bodhisattva Bank. She knew that Duke was the reformed black sheep of a ramrod-straight New Ontario military family, and that he was determined to make them proud of him again. His job ratings couldn’t get any better. His sperm count was high and his body fat low. He liked aromatic foods, as did she.

She rubbed her wrists where he’d grabbed her, remembering even that with fondness. What would happen if she rattled the ventilation grate to call attention to herself?

He’d arrest her, that’s what.

Be sure to check out the other great writers in Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday.

T

Effing Feline plans a holiday #wewriwa

I, Effing Feline, am posting my last column for a few weeks. I’ll tell you why after this message from my sponsor, The Triple Wedding.

Last week’s snippet ended when Teegan gets a call from her baby sister, Rayna, who announces: 

“It’s not going to be a double wedding after all.”

“Oh, no.”

Rayna’s voice was as chirpy as usual, so it wasn’t her wedding that’d been canceled. Which meant it was Ember’s.

Teegan had gotten much better at controlling her competitive side — with everyone but Ember. She and Teegan had competed about everything. The only way she’d managed to escape that pernicious competition was go away and stay away. But here was a chance to practice non-competitiveness with her big sister.

Now if she could just tamp down the glow of schadenfreude before it escaped in a burst of sarcasm. “Tell Ember I’m so sorry, and…and I’ll call her, okay?”

And a few more:

Instead of commenting on this generous willingness to bridge the breach between sisters, Rayna just blinked. “You think Ember and Tyler…? No, that’s not it.”

“Oh.” Teegan lowered her voice to a sympathetic whisper. “You and Faraj, then? Sweetie, I’m so, so sorry.”

“No! That’d be absolutely impossible, and I’m disappointed in you for even thinking it. It’s not going to be a double wedding, but a triple! You’re never going to believe this, but—”

Effing Feline here again. I’m not being coy, ending in the middle of the sentence. You see, that’s where Ed, in his literary wisdom (?!?), ended the chapter, silently daring readers to put the book down.

But I’m not as nasty as Ed. I’ll tell you who else is getting married. It’s the last sister in the Dayle brood, Pandora. She the family’s black sheep, a former prostitute who’s now the head of a wildlife rescue organization. Growing up, she and Teegan don’t get along, either.

 Now for the important stuff — namely, my holiday. Ed is having back surgery on Monday and isn’t sure when the doctors will allow him to sit at a computer. In the meantime, maybe I’ll go to the south of France. Good idea?

Be sure to check out the other great writers in Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday.

Triple Wedding

Teegan Dayle is a businesswoman who’s determined to maintain her image as the family’s most successful sibling. To do this, she needs a gorgeous date for her sisters’ wedding — even if he’s just a fake boyfriend..

Sterling, her roommate’s brother, is a handsome biologist. When a desperate Teegan asks him to be her date, he refuses — until he realizes the wedding is his only chance to meet the creatures who fulfill his professional dreams.

Booker is a naïve young Cupid whose job is to make a match for Teegan — but not with Sterling. Can he break up matches as well as he makes them?

How far will Teegan and Sterling need to take their pretense? All the way?

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I’ve changed my mind #mfrwhooks

Sorry for going AWOL the last couple weeks. I’m no more overwhelmed with things to do than usual, but it feels like it, if you know what I mean.

I’m continuing with a hook from the third and final book in the Passion Island trilogy, Triple Wedding.

When last I left off, Sterling had grabbed a man from a crowd leaving a factory, hoping to set him up to be Teegan’s date to the double wedding of two of her sisters.  Here she discovers how Sterling managed to drag the guy over. She speaks first.

“You offered him money?”

“—although I’m newly married,” the man said, “so rec sex isn’t for me.”

Fingers clenched, Teegan fought to keep her composure. Her fists tightened when Nakamora looked her up and down, with a pit stop at her chest. “If you up your cash offer, though, I might be persuaded.”

When Teegan pulled back her fist, Sterling edged away. Not that she would really have punched him, of course. Teegan Dayle, upstanding business owner, assault someone on a public thoroughfare? Perish the thought.

But she was glad he’d moved out of reach. Just in case.

She took a deep breath. “I’m sorry my idiot friend wasted your time, Mr. Nakamora. Mr. Peters seems to have botched his explanation of what I needed, which is simply a date for my sisters’ wedding.”

“Ah,” Nakamora said. “I guess that’s what he said, but he seemed kind of desperate, so I assumed the date included—”

“I’ve changed my mind,” she said. “I won’t attend the wedding after all.”

Be sure to visit the other great writers in the Book Hooks blog hop.

The Triple Wedding

Teegan Dayle is a businesswoman who’s determined to maintain her image as her family’s most successful sibling. For that, she needs a spectacular date for her sisters’ wedding—even if he’s a fake boyfriend.

Sterling, her roommate’s brother, is a handsome loner. When a desperate Teegan asks him to be her date, he refuses—until he realizes the wedding is his only chance to meet the people who can fulfill his dream.

Booker is a naïve young Apprentice Cupid whose job is to make a match for Teegan—but not with Sterling. Can he break up matches as well as he makes them?

How far will Teegan and Sterling need to take their pretense? All the way?

 

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A dark and stormy night #wewriwa

I, Effing Feline, am whispering. Why? So no one finds my hiding place.

Why am I hiding? Because Bruiser, my sister Effie’s boyfriend, is coming to visit.

I mean, he’s her friend, but he’s not a human boy. That’d be perverted! Instead, he’s her fence-top yowling partner. Oh, you know what I mean, right? I’ll tell you why that’s a problem after this message from my sponsor, The Triple Wedding.

After Sterling’s humiliating, catastrophic attempt to hire Teegan a date off the street for her sisters’ wedding, he’s determined to do the right thing and leave, even though it’s a dark and storm night.**

Despite the storm, she doesn’t try too hard to get him to stay — until that is, her comm unit chimes the notes that indicates her baby sister is calling.

“You’ll never guess what,” Rayna said as soon as Teegan answered, even before the hologram of her face staticked into the air above her comm, one timid pixel at a time. The storm was toying with transmissions.

“Hello to you, too.”

“We’re sisters, so I don’t have to be polite to you. Anyway, I have big news. Two big hunks of news, actually. First, we’ve got a date and a venue. The wedding will be held at the Colonial Wildlife Containment Center. The new one, I mean. It’s now called the Murky River Sanctuary, not the old one that got wrecked by the hurricane.”

“I’ve never heard of either new or old.”

“Sure you have — it’s where Pandora works. I’m sending you a map and directions.”

Effing Feline here again. Apparently Bruiser is a HUGE catnip junkie, and Effie used up all I had. He’ll tear out some of my beautiful fur if he finds me, so don’t tell him where I am.

Nobody would ever think to look for a cat under the bed, right?

Be sure to check out the other great writers in Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday.

Triple Wedding

Teegan Dayle is a businesswoman who’s determined to maintain her image as the family’s most successful sibling. To do this, she needs a gorgeous date for her sisters’ wedding — even if he’s just a fake boyfriend..

Sterling, her roommate’s brother, is a handsome biologist. When a desperate Teegan asks him to be her date, he refuses — until he realizes the wedding is his only chance to meet the creatures who fulfill his professional dreams.

Booker is a naïve young Cupid whose job is to make a match for Teegan — but not with Sterling. Can he break up matches as well as he makes them?

How far will Teegan and Sterling need to take their pretense? All the way?

AmazonApple BooksBarnes and NobleSmashwordsKobo Books

** This reference to Snoopy’s favorite opening line is my small homage to a town that no long exists — Lytton, British Columbia. After recording a new all-time Canadian heat record, it promptly burned down. That line was originally written by a Victorian Englishman, Sir Edward Bulwer-Lytton, whose name graces the burned-out ruins.

A dark and storm night #wewriwa

I, Effing Feline, am whispering. Why? So no one finds my hiding place.

Why am I hiding? Because Bruiser, my sister Effie’s boyfriend, is coming to visit.

I mean, he’s her friend, but he’s not a human boy. That’d be perverted! Instead, he’s her fence-top yowling partner. Oh, you know what I mean, right? I’ll tell you why that’s a problem after this message from my sponsor, The Triple Wedding.

After Sterling’s humiliating, catastrophic attempt to hire Teegan a date off the street for her sisters’ wedding, he’s determined to do the right thing and leave, even though it’s a dark and storm night.**

Despite the storm, she doesn’t try too hard to get him to stay — until that is, her comm unit chimes the notes that indicates her baby sister is calling.

“You’ll never guess what,” Rayna said as soon as Teegan answered, even before the hologram of her face staticked into the air above her comm, one timid pixel at a time. The storm was toying with transmissions.

“Hello to you, too.”

“We’re sisters, so I don’t have to be polite to you. Anyway, I have big news. Two big hunks of news, actually. First, we’ve got a date and a venue. The wedding will be held at the Colonial Wildlife Containment Center. The new one, I mean. It’s now called the Murky River Sanctuary, not the old one that got wrecked by the hurricane.”

“I’ve never heard of either new or old.”

“Sure you have — it’s where Pandora works. I’m sending you a map and directions.”

Effing Feline here again. Apparently Bruiser is a HUGE catnip junkie, and Effie used up all I had. He’ll tear out some of my beautiful fur if he finds me, so don’t tell him where I am.

Nobody would ever think to look for a cat under the bed, right?

Be sure to check out the other great writers in Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday.

Triple Wedding

Teegan Dayle is a businesswoman who’s determined to maintain her image as the family’s most successful sibling. To do this, she needs a gorgeous date for her sisters’ wedding — even if he’s just a fake boyfriend..

Sterling, her roommate’s brother, is a handsome biologist. When a desperate Teegan asks him to be her date, he refuses — until he realizes the wedding is his only chance to meet the creatures who fulfill his professional dreams.

Booker is a naïve young Cupid whose job is to make a match for Teegan — but not with Sterling. Can he break up matches as well as he makes them?

How far will Teegan and Sterling need to take their pretense? All the way?

Amazon
Apple Books
Barnes and Noble
Smashwords
Kobo Books

** This reference to Snoopy’s favorite opening line is my small homage to a town that no long exists — Lytton, British Columbia. After recording a new all-time Canadian heat record, it promptly burned down. That line was originally written by a Victorian Englishman, Sir Edward Bulwer-Lytton, whose name graces the burned-out ruins.

Effing Feline fleas #wewriwa

I, Effing Feline, am out of catnip. That never happens. What else is an Internet celebrity cat going to spend his earnings on but catnips? My sister Effie really likes the stuff. I mean, she really likes it.

Sigh.

In today’s snippet from The Triple Wedding, we learn the aftermath of Sterling’s humiliating, catastrophic attempt to hire Teegan a date off the street for her sisters’ wedding.

“Sterling,” Teegan called from the hallway as he packed up his things, “you messed up with Nakamora big time, but that doesn’t mean you have to run away. Especially not so late at night.”

“It’s my own fault,” he said.

“That’s true but…it’s dark out.” She leaned against the wall. This was the place where she’d first met him, wearing only a towel. The swish of clothing being jammed into a duffel bag seemed to accuse her. If this were business and he an employee, his leaving wouldn’t bother her. Employees left all the time. But he was her friend’s favorite brother.

And a little bit more . . .

As though to rub her face in the familial relationship, Mercedes leaned against the doorjamb of the teal room. Appropriately enough, she stood halfway between Sterling in the room and Teegan in the hall.

“I’m not running away,” he said. “I’m doing the honorable thing. I brought embarrassment and shame on a generous woman, and the only way to restore the balance between us is to leave.”

Effing Feline here again. Effie just told to break out some more catnip, because her tom-friend, Bruiser, is coming for a visit this evening.

Bruiser + no catnip = Gulp

Gotta run. See you next week.

Be sure to check out the other great writers in Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday.

Now available for pre-order on Amazon, Apple, Barnes and Noble, Kobo, etc!
Triple Wedding

Teegan Dayle is a businesswoman who’s determined to maintain her image as the family’s most successful sibling. To do this, she needs a gorgeous date for her sisters’ wedding — even if he’s just a fake boyfriend..

Sterling, her roommate’s brother, is a handsome biologist. When a desperate Teegan asks him to be her date, he refuses — until he realizes the wedding is his only chance to meet the creatures who fulfill his professional dreams.

Booker is a naïve young Cupid whose job is to make a match for Teegan — but not with Sterling. Can he break up matches as well as he makes them?

How far will Teegan and Sterling need to take their pretense? All the way?

Triple Wedding will escape to planet Earth on July 19. Until then, it’s available for preorder at a special low price that will go up once it’s released. So order your copy today!

Amazon
Apple Books
Barnes and Noble
Smashwords
Kobo Books

Effing Feline climbs a tree #wewriwa

I, Effing Feline, told you last week that I had met my long lost sister, Effie. We spent the last week talking, playing, eating, and doing catnip. It has been great . . . except for one little thing. I’ll tell you what that thing is after this word from my sponsor, The Triple Wedding, which is now available for pre-order!

Teegan has learned that Sterling, her roomate’s brother expects her to pick out a date for her sisters’ wedding from a bunch of strangers.

Taking a deep breath, she (Teegan) turned to the stranger with as much dignity as possible.

“Teegan Dayle,” Sterling said, “may I introduce Hermie Nakamora.”

“No,” she said, “you may not introduce him. I’m sorry, Mr. Nakamora, but try to forgive my friend’s brother. He’s, you know…” She patted her temple and let her face go slack with stupidity. “I’m sorry he wasted your time, sir.”

Nakamora craned his neck, examining her as though she were a suit of clothes hanging on a rack. “You’re kind of cute. I prefer my women with a bit more flesh on them, but I could use the money—”

Teegan’s hand flew to cover her mouth. “You offered him money?”

And a little bit more . . .

Teegan fought to keep her composure. Her fists tightened when Nakamora looked her up and down, with a pit stop at her chest. When Teegan pulled back her fist, Sterling edged away. Not that she would really have punched him, of course. Teegan Dayle, upstanding business owner, assault someone on a public thoroughfare? Perish the thought.

But she was glad when he moved out of reach . . . just in case.

Effing Feline here again. What’s the problem with my sister Effie?

I hate to air my dirty litter in public, but . . . she never shuts up. Talk, talk, talk! To steal a few minutes to write this post I had hide and I don’t know how long I —

“There you are, bro!”

Uh oh.

“Come down from that tree so I can finish telling you about my boyfriend, Bruiser.”

Gulp. See you next week.

Be sure to check out the other great writers in Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday.

Now available for pre-order on Amazon, Apple, Barnes and Noble, Kobo, etc!
Triple Wedding

Teegan Dayle is a businesswoman who’s determined to maintain her image as the family’s most successful sibling. To do this, she needs a gorgeous date for her sisters’ wedding — even if he’s just a fake boyfriend..

Sterling, her roommate’s brother, is a handsome biologist. When a desperate Teegan asks him to be her date, he refuses — until he realizes the wedding is his only chance to meet the creatures who fulfill his professional dreams.

Booker is a naïve young Cupid whose job is to make a match for Teegan — but not with Sterling. Can he break up matches as well as he makes them?

How far will Teegan and Sterling need to take their pretense? All the way?

Triple Wedding will escape to planet Earth on July 19. Until then, it’s available for preorder at a special low price that will go up once it’s released. So order your copy today!

Amazon
Apple Books
Barnes and Noble
Smashwords
Kobo Books

I prefer women with more flesh on them #mfrwhooks

I’m continuing with a hook from the third and final book in the Passion Island trilogy, Triple Wedding.

Teegan is about to discover why Sterling has taken her (and his sister) to picnic in the middle of town — and it’s quite embarrassing! Sterling speaks first.

“The factory’s letting out now.” Dozens of workers, mostly men, exited the building. “Which one do you like?”

Teegan cringed. “Keep your voice down,”

Mercedes sat on the other end of the bench. “I like the one in the vermillion slacks,” she whispered.

Sterling punched his sister’s arm lightly. “I didn’t ask you.”

“But you should’ve. A good brother would make sure I have a constant supply of men.”

More workers came out. Teegan found herself examining them, though the idea of finding a date here was silly. Why was she even listening to Sterling?

Well, for one thing, guy-watching could be fun, though she and Mercedes hadn’t taken the time for it in years. On top of that, she was kidding herself about attending the wedding alone. Only a loser would show up solo. Her date didn’t have to be handsomer than her sisters’, though that would be great.

“Not the vermillion slacks,” she whispered. “His socks are green, which means his fashion sense is atrocious. The man with black hair and flat face is kind of cute.”

“I’m on it,” Sterling said. “Be right back.

“That’s not what I—” Teegan reached out to stop him, but grabbed only air. “Come back here!”

Her voice was loud enough that a couple of factory workers turned to look. Warmth flared in her cheeks. She could’ve caught Sterling if she ran, but that’d make even more of a spectacle.

When Sterling stopped her man and talked to him, she rose, turned her back on the two of them, and wrapped her arms over her chest. He brought the bearded man to the bench. “That’s her.”

Taking a deep breath, she turned to the stranger with as much dignity as possible.

“Teegan Dayle,” Sterling said, “may I introduce Hermie Nakamora.”

“No,” she said, “you may not introduce him. I’m sorry, Mr. Nakamora. Try to forgive my friend’s brother. He’s, you know…” She patted her temple and let her face go slack with stupidity. “I’m sorry he wasted your time, sir.”

“Call me Hermie.” Nakamora craned his neck, examining her as though she were a suit of clothes hanging on a rack. “You’re kind of cute. I prefer my women with a bit more flesh on them, but I could use the money—”

Teegan jerked her hands up to cover her mouth. “You offered him money?”

Be sure to visit the other great writers in the Book Hooks blog hop.

The Triple Wedding

Teegan Dayle is a businesswoman who’s determined to maintain her image as her family’s most successful sibling. For that, she needs a spectacular date for her sisters’ wedding—even if he’s a fake boyfriend.

Sterling, her roommate’s brother, is a handsome loner. When a desperate Teegan asks him to be her date, he refuses—until he realizes the wedding is his only chance to meet the people who can fulfill his dream.

Booker is a naïve young Apprentice Cupid whose job is to make a match for Teegan—but not with Sterling. Can he break up matches as well as he makes them?

How far will Teegan and Sterling need to take their pretense? All the way?

Triple Wedding will escape to planet Earth on July 19. Until then, it’s available for preorder at a special low price that will go up once it’s released. So order your copy today!

AmazonApple BooksBarnes and NobleSmashwordsKobo Books