Edward Hoornaert's Blog, page 9
November 7, 2020
Effing Feline thinks humans are weird #wewriwa
I, Effing Feline, look out the window a lot. Not as much as I sleep, but it’s more fun than most of the things around here. I mean, how many times can sharpen my claws on the same old carpet, day after day? I tell you, that bothers me as much as it does Ed. Not that I understand why he cares. People are weird.
I’ll tell you what’s the weirdest thing about humans after this word from my sponsor, Ed’s WIP, The Seven Foot Cupid.
Ember Dayle’s job is to exploring a suspicious new hole in the ground that pokes right through to ceiling of the cave (lava tube, actually) that is very close to the surface. To go down into the lava tube, she must use her high-tech rappel vest to lower her to the cave floor.
Little does she know that Tyler Estrella is already down there, exploring the tube for his settlement. He hears her at the hole and looks up, just in time.
Color key:
Red=first ten lines
Green=additional lines which, you can skip
After a moment, a woman gave a bloodcurdling battle cry and launched herself at him. A hailstorm of dirt and falling rocks distracted him from defending himself. The attacker—this had to be an attack, right?—slammed his shoulders, driving him backward to the cave’s floor.
His head hit hard stone. The world swam. The light overhead flared, narrowed, danced crazily, split into two. Then three.
Someone groaned. It was him, maybe. Wasn’t sure, though.
By the time the skylight resolved into a single source that was bigger than the mysterious round hole that had drawn him here, he realized he was shaking.
Correction. He was being shaken by…someone. But who?
Oh yeah. The woman sprawled on top of him.
Effing Feline here again. I bet some of you an guess who this woman is.
People are weird because they spend all sort of time looking at electronic screens. Yes, I mean YOU, reading this.
Be sure to visit the other great writers in Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday.
The Seven Foot Cupid
Book One in the Passion Island Trilogy
A locked-in-together romance
Ember prides herself on handling anything her newly colonized planet can throw at her. After a head injury shakes her confidence, she’s determined to prove herself again. She gets her chance when she’s ordered to explore a mysterious new cave.
Tyler, an explorer from a rival town, is given the same task. Like Ember, he’d been in an accident – – but his entire team died, leaving him drowning in survivor’s guilt. When he meets Ember, he’s drawn not only to her beauty and toughness, but by how well she deals with her accident.
Booker, a naïve Apprentice Cupid for a secret organization, receives his first assignment: get Ember and Tyler together. His strategy: lock them in an abandoned cabin together so they get to know each other.
He doesn’t realize he’s locked them in with . . . something else. Something dangerous. Something no human has ever seen.
November 3, 2020
No witnesses wanted #mfrwhooks
I, Effing Feline, present for your edification and wonderment another snippet from my pet human’s WIP, The Seven Foot Cupid. You may thank me by sending donations of fresh salmon. Yum!
[image error]
On a planet with a new human colony, unexpected dangers abound. Ember Dayle is one of the intrepid people whose job it is to deal with the unexpected . . . but today’s her first day back after an accident. The plastic surgery to her face looks good, but it doesn’t look like her.
Ember continues to explore the strange new hole in the ground that forms a ‘skylight’ into an important cave..
Ember unclipped the multi comm from her belt and adjusted it with a quick, sure touch. “Audio recording is now on,” she said into the comm. “This is Ember Dayle, senior encroachment officer and team lead, examining skylight AQ-49.”
She spoke the date, spatial coordinates, and her assignment number. Then she videoed the hole from several angles. “The hole cuts through…” She paused to take measurements with the multi-com’s lidar, which illuminated the rock with laser light and measured the reflection with a sensor. “Eighteen inches of basalt?” she said incredulously.
That was paper thin. Fear of falling if the ground crumbled threatened to overcome her, but she managed to beat it back.
Why was the hole round?
Answer: because someone had drilled it, obviously.
But who? And why?
She could guess the answer to the last question. This spot was miles from the nearest permanent habitation. Someone had wanted no witnesses to anyone going into this illegal skylight, which gave them access to the long, tunnel-shaped cave.
Be sure to visit the hooks by other fine writers in the Book Hooks blog hop.
The Seven Foot Cupid
Book One in the Passion Island Trilogy
A locked-in-together romance
Ember prides herself on handling anything her newly colonized planet can throw at her. After a head injury shakes her confidence, she’s determined to prove herself again. She gets her chance when she’s ordered to explore a mysterious new cave.
Tyler, an explorer from a rival town, is given the same task. Like Ember, he’d been in an accident – – but his entire team died, leaving him drowning in survivor’s guilt. When he meets Ember, he’s drawn not only to her beauty and toughness, but by how well she deals with her accident.
Booker, a naïve Apprentice Cupid for a secret organization, receives his first assignment: get Ember and Tyler together. His strategy: lock them in an abandoned cabin together so they ‘get to know’ each other.
He doesn’t realize he’s locked them in with . . . something else. Something dangerous. Something no human has ever seen.
October 31, 2020
Effing Feline has sweet dreams #wewriwa
I, Effing Feline, had the most wonderful dream last night. I was on Ed’s lap when he watched a youtube video about the Adams River salmon run and now when close my eyes, I dream of endless salmon.
Doesn’t that look scrumptious? I’m in such a hurry to go back to sleep and dream that I’ll tell you only that last week’s clip from Ed’s WIP, The Seven Foot Cupid, ended with Ember Dayle discovering a round hole in the ground.
Color key:
Red=first ten lines
Green=additional lines which you can skip
Someone had drilled a skylight in the ceiling of the cave underfoot — and there was no legitimate reason to create a new skylight unless they wanted to sneak in to steal things or just cause trouble..
As much as she hated the idea, this mystery absolutely must be investigated and fixed. Her job was to go gopher, trusting her rappel vest to slowly lower her to the floor of the cave. The thought of dangling at the end of the vest’s thin cables caused a shudder that nibbled at her composure. She wrapped her arms around her belly and bent at the waist. It took all her willpower not to turn and run.
The last time she’d used a rappel vest, it had failed, pitching her headfirst onto craggy basalt that had broken twenty-one bones, including her skull and a host of facial bones. Dad had assured her, after the fifth surgery, that her face looked even better than before. He wasn’t given to hyperbole, but she was his oldest child, so what else could he say?
Maybe she did look better. Her nose, for example, was shorter and daintier. But she was now a stranger to her own mirror. She’s taught herself to comb her hair without using a mirror, because this reconstructed face wasn’t the same, wasn’t her.
Effing Feline here again, and now I’m mad at Ed. He’s such a spoilsport. He told me that if I went to a salmon run, a grizzly bear would get me, because they’re drawn to the vision of endless salmon, just like me. And grizzlies can weight 600 pounds — I wouldn’t stand a chance.
So much for my nice, innocent dreams of killing salmon!
Be sure to visit the other great writers in Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday.
The Seven Foot Cupid
Book One in the Passion Island Trilogy
A locked-in-together romance
Ember prides herself on handling anything her newly colonized planet can throw at her. After a head injury shakes her confidence, she’s determined to prove herself again. She gets her chance when she’s ordered to explore a mysterious new cave.
Tyler, an explorer from a rival town, is given the same task. Like Ember, he’d been in an accident – – but his entire team died, leaving him drowning in survivor’s guilt. When he meets Ember, he’s drawn not only to her beauty and toughness, but by how well she deals with her accident.
Booker, a naïve Apprentice Cupid for a secret organization, receives his first assignment: get Ember and Tyler together. His strategy: lock them in an abandoned cabin together so they get to know each other.
He doesn’t realize he’s locked them in with . . . something else. Something dangerous. Something no human has ever seen.
October 27, 2020
The sound of me sticking out my tongue #mfrwhooks
I, Effing Feline, present for your edification and wonderment another snippet from my pet human’s WIP, The Seven Foot Cupid. You may thank me by sending donations of fresh salmon. Yum!
[image error]
On a planet with a new human colony, unexpected dangers abound. Ember Dayle is one of the intrepid people whose job it is to deal with the unexpected . . . but today’s her first day back after an accident. The plastic surgery to her face looks good, but it doesn’t look like her.
Last week, we saw Ember’s trepidation about exploring a strange new phenomenon — a hole in the ground that forms a ‘skylight’ into an important cave. Here she talks to her sister, Rayna, via radio.
“The new hole is three feet across and round, Rayna — perfectly round.”
“No shit? That’s unnatural, creepy. Look, I’ll come with you. Wait twenty minutes and we’ll explore this skylight together.”
“Stay with the skimmer,” Ember said. “That’s an order.”
“Grr — a few hours into her first mission in six months and she’s already as bossy as ever.”
“I am not bossy.” Ember regretted falling for the bait, but this was a familiar taunt from youngest sister to oldest. It stiffened her resolve — which was probably what Rayna intended. She never bossed anyone, yet she usually got her way. She was sneaky smart, a subliminal convincer as opposed to Ember’s blunt-force commander.
“That silence,” Rayna said, “was the sound of me sticking out my tongue.”
Be sure to visit the hooks by other fine writers in the Book Hooks blog hop.
The Seven Foot Cupid
Book One in the Passion Island Trilogy
A locked-in-together romance
Ember prides herself on handling anything her newly colonized planet can throw at her. After a head injury shakes her confidence, she’s determined to prove herself again. She gets her chance when she’s ordered to explore a mysterious new cave.
Tyler, an explorer from a rival town, is given the same task. Like Ember, he’d been in an accident – – but his entire team died, leaving him drowning in survivor’s guilt. When he meets Ember, he’s drawn not only to her beauty and toughness, but by how well she deals with her accident.
Booker, a naïve Apprentice Cupid for a secret organization, receives his first assignment: get Ember and Tyler together. His strategy: lock them in an abandoned cabin together so they ‘get to know’ each other.
He doesn’t realize he’s locked them in with . . . something else. Something dangerous. Something no human has ever seen.
October 24, 2020
Effing Feline overindulges #wewriwa
I, Effing Feline, don’t feel two good right now, so . . . right to business.
I’m continuing with snniipets . . . a snippet from my pett hooman’s WHIP . . . . er, WIP. It’s called, an’ I’m gonna type reel careful now — The Seven Foot Cupid.
Lasht weak we met Ember Dayle. Shee’s upset ’bout something. Here whee start to fined out what.
Although it carried no water, the sand underfoot was damp, which was troubling. This broad, shallow ravine must’ve been filled recently with a fast-flowing mountain stream.
Frowning, Ember looked up at the clouds then checked her comm unit. No rain in today’s forecast, hence no danger of flash flood. She walked across the sand, occasionally hopping over a rivulet, until she reached the sight that bothered her so much.
It was a hole in the ground.
A brand new hole, which was worrisome. It was a yard across—and round. Not sort-of-round. A perfect circle.
Why? How?
Effing Feline here again. I gotta go. In kase yur wondrin, I’ve had too much cantip . . . uh catnip.
Be sure to visit the other great writers in Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday.
The Seven Foot Cupid
Book One in the Passion Island Trilogy
A locked-in-a-room romance
Ember prides herself on handling anything her newly colonized planet can throw at her. After a head injury shakes her confidence, she’s determined to prove herself again. She gets her chance when she’s ordered to explore a mysterious new cave.
Tyler, an explorer from a rival town, is given the same task. Like Ember, he’d been in an accident – – but his entire team died, leaving him drowning in survivor’s guilt. When he meets Ember, he’s drawn not only to her beauty and toughness, but by how well she deals with her accident.
Booker, a naïve Apprentice Cupid for a secret organization, receives his first assignment: get Ember and Tyler together. His strategy: lock them in an abandoned cabin together so they get to know each other.
He doesn’t realize he’s locked them in with . . . something else. Something dangerous. Something no human has ever seen.
October 20, 2020
#mfrwhooks
I, Effing Feline,
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The Seven Foot Cupid
Book One in the Passion Island Trilogy
A locked-in-a-room future romance
Ember prides herself on handling anything her newly colonized planet can throw at her. It’s her job to deal with dangers like exploring new territory and controlling fierce animals that might hurt the colonist’s safety. After a head injury shakes her confidence, she’s determined to prove herself again. She gets her chance when ordered to explore a mysterious cave in a wilderness mountain. Until that’s done, the last thing she needs is a new, distracting man.
Tyler, an explorer from her town’s fierce rival, is sent on the same task. Like Ember, he’s been in an accident…but he was the only survivor. Guilt over the loss of his team eats away at him, and he can’t even discuss or face up the accident. When he meets Ember, he’s drawn not only to her beauty and toughness, but by her ability to deal openly with her accident. He doesn’t need a woman in his life. He needs Ember.
Booker, a naïve Apprentice Cupid, works for the organization that financed the colony’s trip from Earth. It works secretly to improve the gene pool by arranging for people with desirable genes to fall in love. His first assignment—Ember and Tyler. His strategy—lock them in an abandoned cabin for a few days. With nothing else to pass the time, they may produce a child, right?
He doesn’t realize he’s locked them in with the fiercest, most intelligent native beast ever discovered. To survive, Tyler and Ember must overcome their pasts and work together.
And love, they discover, can help you survive.
Sharpen those claws and go!
And be sure to visit the hooks by other fine writers in the Book Hooks blog hop.
October 17, 2020
Effing Feline belches #wewriwa
I, Effing Feline, sometimes despair of my pet human, Ed. He’s a writer, a word person, who worked hard this week on a blurb for his latest WIP, The Seven Foot Cupid. But he got it all wrong! What he wrote (shown at the end of this blog) isn’t even close to a blurb. The Feline Dixionary of Human Foibles makes that quite clear, don’t you think?.
Color key:
Red = The first ten sentences
Brown = A few more, which you can skip if you’re bored
Ember took a deep breath and submerged her fears under a veneer of professionalism. Senior encros like her could handle the toughest, most dangerous situations this planet could throw at her, right?
At least she had been capable. Was she still, after the accident that made her a stranger? That was her personal reason for being here, over and above her orders. To find out if she still had what it takes.
She crept forward and parted tall grasses for a better look at the blasphemy-inducing scene. Although she observed for ten long minutes, no dangers appeared. Wind slithered down the dead volcano’s gentle slope, starting greenish-brown waves in a sea of grass. Thick clouds hid the sun and combined with the high altitude to make the breeze cool enough that she turned up the collar of her vest. A solitary insect — a corn-wallower, freshly hatched inside a kernel — landed on her hand. She shook it off. Addoray didn’t have many insects, but those it had bit hard.
To escape the bug, she stood and turned in a cautious circle. Still no visible dangers, so she edged warily down the bank toward the mystery in the middle of the wash.
Effing Feline here again. The Feline Dixionary of Human Foibles, 6th Edition, clearly states on page 187 that a blurb is:
a noise made by air released from the stomach through the mouth; a belch
The Dixionary couldn’t possibly be wrong, right?
Be sure to visit the other great writers in Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday.
The Seven Foot Cupid
Book One in the Passion Island Trilogy
A locked-in-a-room romance
Ember prides herself on handling anything her newly colonized planet can throw at her. After a head injury shakes her confidence, she’s determined to prove herself again. She gets her chance when she’s ordered to explore a mysterious new cave.
Tyler, an explorer from a rival town, is given the same task. Like Ember, he’d been in an accident – – but his entire team died, leaving him drowning in survivor’s guilt. When he meets Ember, he’s drawn not only to her beauty and toughness, but by how well she deals with her accident.
Booker, a naïve Apprentice Cupid for a secret organization, receives his first assignment: get Ember and Tyler together. His strategy: lock them in an abandoned cabin together so they get to know each other.
He doesn’t realize he’s locked them in with . . . something else. Something dangerous. Something no human has ever seen.
October 13, 2020
Get your claws ready #mfrwhooks
I, Effing Feline, love shredding things with my claws. It’s not only good exercise, it’s good for the soul. Today I offer you the chance to shred. The shreddee is the blurb for book one of pet human’s WIP trilogy. Unleash your inner wildcat — cut Ed’s ego down to size — make as many suggestions as you can.
[image error]
The Seven Foot Cupid
Book One in the Passion Island Trilogy
A locked-in-a-room future romance
Ember prides herself on handling anything her newly colonized planet can throw at her. It’s her job to deal with dangers like exploring new territory and controlling fierce animals that might hurt the colonist’s safety. After a head injury shakes her confidence, she’s determined to prove herself again. She gets her chance when ordered to explore a mysterious cave in a wilderness mountain. Until that’s done, the last thing she needs is a new, distracting man.
Tyler, an explorer from her town’s fierce rival, is sent on the same task. Like Ember, he’s been in an accident…but he was the only survivor. Guilt over the loss of his team eats away at him, and he can’t even discuss or face up the accident. When he meets Ember, he’s drawn not only to her beauty and toughness, but by her ability to deal openly with her accident. He doesn’t need a woman in his life. He needs Ember.
Booker, a naïve Apprentice Cupid, works for the organization that financed the colony’s trip from Earth. It works secretly to improve the gene pool by arranging for people with desirable genes to fall in love. His first assignment—Ember and Tyler. His strategy—lock them in an abandoned cabin for a few days. With nothing else to pass the time, they may produce a child, right?
He doesn’t realize he’s locked them in with the fiercest, most intelligent native beast ever discovered. To survive, Tyler and Ember must overcome their pasts and work together.
And love, they discover, can help you survive.
Sharpen those claws and go!
And be sure to visit the hooks by other fine writers in the Book Hooks blog hop.
October 9, 2020
Effing Feline sighs #wewriwa
I, Effing Feline, have a shameful confession to make. I still haven’t caught a mouse.
I say “still” because I’ve confessed this shortcoming a couple years ago. Still no luck!
Mostly that’s because there’s never been even a single mouse in the house where I’m confined. The longer my mouseless streak goes on, though, the more I start to wonder if there’s something wrong with me. Maybe I’m deficient? Sub-normal? Maybe I lack the patience to slowly creep up on my prey, as a better cat could do?
Ember Dayle hadn’t cursed in twenty years — not since she caught her high school boyfriend in bed with her sister, Teegan. The horrible words she’d screamed at Teegan, some of which had shocked even her father, had appalled Ember so much she’d washed her own mouth out with soap.
It was just mouthwash, actually. Teegan had been the seducer, and thus wasn’t worth suffering the vile taste of real soap.
But now, as Ember realized this job wasn’t going to be the simple, straightforward task she desperately needed, twenty years of verbal virtue ended. She pounded the ground she was lying on and spat a string of foul words — but very quietly. Her youngest sister, who’d never slept with any of her boyfriends, was monitoring her via radio, and she didn’t want Rayna to hear.
It wasn’t that she worried about shocking Rayna, who was, after all, twenty-six. However, Ember was supposed to have recuperated from her accident, mentally as well as physically. To get returned to field work, she’d had to insist, loudly and often, that she was her old self.
But what did she do at the first sign of trouble? Break down and curse like a sister betrayed. Was she really ready for this job?
Effing Feline here again. You may notice that these twelve sentences have nothing to do with The Saint of Quarantine Island, which I’ve been quoting from. Blame my unfeline lack of patience. I’ve been itching and twitching and bitching to be switching to something different.
This snippet is the opening of one of the three WIPs Ed is currently juggling. It’s called The Seven Foot Cupid and it’s the first book in the Passion Island Trilogy that’ll come out whenever he’s done. There’s no cover yet, no blurb . . . and no mouse.
Sigh.
Be sure to visit the other great writers in Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday.
October 3, 2020
Effing Feline’s mailbag #wewriwa
Every week I, Effing Feline, give the followers of my weekly blog the incalculable benefits of my wisdom. Now it’s your turn. I’ll tell you about it after this word from my sponsor, The Saint of Quarantine Island.
Kendo Carlisle, the Saint of Gilford Island, responds to Janet’s striptease.
“There’s something you should know about me.” His voice was a ghostly whisper, scarcely audible over the pounding of her heart.
She couldn’t answer. After her outlandish behavior, she no longer had the right to speak to a man such as him.
“I…” He paused, licked his lips then looked away from her face.
Whatever he was about to say about himself must be disgraceful…horrible…maybe illegal.
“I didn’t kill my wife.” His composure crumpled. His face contorted as he let out a low moan. Shaking with silent sobs, he wrapped his arms around her, his hands hot on her bare flesh, though they remained on her back above the waist.
I hate to burden you with too much reading (there are a lot more snippets to get to), but here are a few more.
After a long, awkward moment, she hugged him back. Could she have heard him right? He was upset because he hadn’t killed his wife?
Had Gilford turned him insane, too?
Effing Feline here again. This week, in addition to being able to comment on my pet human’s writing, you can, for the first time ask me a question. So go ahead, fire away. I’m a big cat, I can take it.
Be sure to visit the other great writers in Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday.
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The Saint of Quarantine Island
Instead of the usual blurb, here is an excerpt from a new review of this book from Ind’Tale Magazine.
An intense work, “The Saint of Quarantine Island” is a sci-fi/psychological drama featuring stellar writing with diverse themes, powerful emotions, and complex characters. As a technical work, this book is incredibly well-written. The flow, character development, world-building, emotions and more will thoroughly engross the reader from beginning to end
Amazon | Canada | Australia | UK
Apple IBooks
Barnes and Noble
Kobo Books
Smashwords
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