Edward Hoornaert's Blog, page 70

Capture this Escapee now!

Escapee hits the e-bookstores, and a giveaway!

Effing Feline here. My pet human, Edward Hoornaert, has a science fiction romance coming out today, and he wants me to tell you about it. And about a raffle for an Amazon gift certificate or free books.

Yeah, yeah: I hear you saying snidely that I can’t tell you anything because I’m just a cat. Believe it or not, I know I’m a cat. I’m as proud as purr of it, too. But I also have a weekly column on this blog. So there! I’m a very literary cat.

Here’s my idea of what Ed (aka Mr Valentine) would like me to tell you:

Tuesday, April 19, 2016, is the day the world has been waiting for. Mark the date on your calendars and be sure to tell your grandchildren that you were there. The greatest science fiction book of this generation, Escapee, has finally been released by MuseItUp Publishing of Montreal!

Blah, blah, blah.

Here’s what I really think.

Just what the world needs, another book. Yawn.

You can eat books. You can’t curl up sleep on them, unless you’re a very tiny kitten. You can’t pretend they’re a mouse and bat them around the room. So what the furball use is a book — even a book  that delivers the thrills and romance of a classic movie, The African Queen?

You can’t eat a movie, either. Yawn.

In all honesty, there’s only one good reason to buy Escapee … so Mr V can afford to keep me in catnip. And that’s a furbally good reason — so buy the book, won’tcha? I’ll purr for you if you do!

Escapee — The African Queen in Outer Space

Catt Sayer just wants to survive.  The working-class fugitive delivers military supplies on her decrepit airship, but her hard-won livelihood vanishes when invaders overrun her harsh moon. And now an idealistic, upper-class officer wants her to risk her life on a hopeless voyage to attack enemy headquarters – manned by 10,000 soldiers.

Edward Hoornaert’s romantic space opera, Escapee, continues the saga of the Dukelsky family (begun in The Guardian Angel of Farflung Station).  If you like The African Queen and the thrill of underdogs finding love while battling a hostile environment, you’ll love Escapee.

Don’t let this rousing tale escape from you.  Buy Escapee today at:

Amazon US  |  Canada  |  UK  |  Australia
MuseItUp Publishing
Apple iBooks
Barnes and Noble
Kobo Books

Or read the first chapter of Escapee.

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I almost forgot about the giveaway I promised you.

To enter the Rafflecopter giveaway, click the travel poster (at right) for the moon called Banff, where Escapee is set.

You can win:

A $10 Amazon gift certificate
One of two electronic copies of the prequel to Escapee — The Guardian Angel of Farflung Station.

Enter now and enter often!

 

 

 

Top ten books that will make you laugh

Top Ten Tuesdays are hosted by The Broke and The Bookish.  The blog hop features lists related to all things bookish–characters, authors, titles, and favorites. They’re an excellent way to find new interesting books on a variety of topics, and to connect with bloggers who love the books you do.

This week’s theme is Books that will make you laugh, or at least chuckle. This is right up my alley, because I love humorous books.

And so, in no particular order, here are some tomes worth a chuckle or two. Some are classics everyone will recognize, but most are little gems that didn’t make as big a splash as they deserved.

[image error][image error]The Unknown Ajax, by Georgette Heyer. My favorite Heyer book also features her funniest character, Major Darracott.  He is so different from how he appears that this is almost a book of mistaken identity. The early going, in which he misleads his family by fulfilling their every stereotype of ignorant Yorkshire men mad me chuckle — but the hilarious ending made me laugh aloud.

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[image error][image error]To Say Nothing of the Dog by Connie Willis.  Ms Willis does gentle comedy better than most, and this is one of my favorites. A comic time-traveling adventure, disguised as a Victorian novel, and all wrapped up in a romantic mystery. How’s that for a mashup?

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[image error][image error]Slaughterhouse-Five, by Kurt Vonnegut.  Humor about the horrific fire bombing of Dresden in World War II?  Unthinkable! Yet Vonnegut manages the unthinkable with this dark-hued tale that became a cultural touchstone. Vonnegut strikes me as one of those authors who are literally crazy, but make it work.

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[image error][image error]Celestial Bodies, by Laura Leone. I’d be amazed if any of you have read this book — but you should! I laughed harder during this strange little romance than I did for any of these other books. It involves a woman with a psychic father who’s being investigated by a private eyes who doesn’t believe in that sort of garbage … and the story plays off their differences wonderfully.

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[image error][image error]Alice in Wonderland, by Lewis Carrol. An oldie but goodie.

Surely I don’t have to justify including it on my list? Good, then I won’t bother trying.

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[image error][image error]Prostho Plus, by Piers Anthony. This book is from Anthony’s early days before he became PIERS ANTHONY!  Have you ever wondered how alien creatures get their dental work done? Me neither … until I read this book about an Earthling who is abducted by aliens because he’s such a great dentist. Unfortunately I can’t re-read it because I loaned it to my dentist and he never returned it.

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[image error][image error]Agent to the Stars, by John Scalzi. Another science fiction book! You may be noticing a trend in my reading patterns. Scalzi’s Redshirts may be better known and more clearly a comedy, but personally I enjoy Scalzi’s first book more. He wrote this on his blog and let reader feedback tell him whether he should bother with writing. Their answer: yes.

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[image error][image error]The Eyre Affair by Jasper Fforde. The spelling of Fforde’s name alone is worth a chuckle (though with a name like mine I shouldn’t point fingers at anyone else’s strange last name). This is madcap fantasy in which books come alive and can be changed by altering the original copy. Want to know how it came about that Rochester’s horse slipped at the beginning of Jane Eyre?  Read this book to find out.

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[image error][image error]The Trial of Tompa Lee, by Edward Hoornaert.  Yes, this is one of my own books, but the main reaction from reviewers has been how humorous and lovable my alien creatures, Shons, are. That isn’t my opinion, it’s theirs — personally I think Shons are kinda bloodthirsty, ganging up on the heroine in a trial by combat with 300 of them against her — but read the books and tell me if you agree.

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What about you? What are some of the funniest books you’ve read? Tell us about it in the comments.

Effing Feline anticipates a visit

Fart-Fueled Flying Feline, Effing for short, writes the Weekend Writing Warrior / Sunday Snippet posts on Mr. V’s behalf

I, Effing Feline, am expecting a visit — my cousin Lee is coming on Tuesday. Although I’ve never met him, my daddy always spoke of Lee with tremendous respect. I’m sure we’ll have great fun.  I scattered all my toys over the living room floor for him, and I clawed open a new bag of cat food. Such excitement!

More exciting even than this week’s snippet. That’s not to knock Escapee,  my pet human’s science fiction romance that will finally be released the same day Lee arrives (April 19) … but come on already. It’s just a book. And you know what books are, right?

Scratching posts.

After Catt sabotaged the cannon (called a sing-sing) Hector planned to use to attack enemy headquarters, they didn’t talk to each other all day. It was a dark and stormy night when they bared their souls and started to understand each other.

She had to get these words out, had to.

“Sorry.” The word was a breathy whisper blown to oblivion by a loud gust; she cleared her throat and tried again. “I’m sorry I sabotaged your artillery.”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Of course it matters.”

“No, because it wouldn’t have worked. A sing-sing is a brute-force weapon in a situation where stealth is needed. I worked so hard ignoring reality, and the only explanation I can think of is I wanted to die. I guess that’s why I dreamed up such a suicidal plan.”

Effing Feline here again. Sounds like Catt did Hector a favor by forcing him to face reality.

My reality is that while you were reading, I knocked all Mrs V’s Hummel figurines off the south-facing windowsill so Cousin Lee will be able to nap in the sun. Oh, I can’t wait for him to arrive. In the meantime, I suppose you might as well read the snippets by other great weekend writing warriors and Sunday Snippets folks.

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Available this comming Tuesday — The African Queen in Outer Space

Catt Sayer just wants to survive.  The working-class fugitive delivers military supplies on her decrepit airship, but her hard-won livelihood vanishes when invaders overrun her harsh moon. And now an idealistic, upper-class officer wants her to risk her life on a hopeless voyage to attack enemy headquarters – manned by 10,000 soldiers.

Edward Hoornaert’s romantic space opera, Escapee, continues the saga of the Dukelsky family (begun in The Guardian Angel of Farflung Station).  If you like The African Queen and the thrill of underdogs finding love while battling a hostile environment, you’ll love Escapee.

Don’t let this rousing tale escape from you.  Pre-order Escapee today at:

Amazon US  |  Canada  |  UK  |  Australia
MuseItUp Publishing
Apple iBooks
Barnes and Noble
Kobo Books

The power of the pen!

They say the pen is mightier than the sword. Here’s why.

One of the many great comics you can read for free at GoComics.com! Follow us for giveaways & giggles. Source: Last Kiss by John Lustig, April 13, 2016 Via @GoComics

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Coming real soon (April 19) from Ed  Hoornaert:

The African Queen in Outer Space

Catt Sayer just wants to survive.  The working-class fugitive delivers military supplies on her decrepit airship, but her hard-won livelihood vanishes when invaders overrun her harsh moon. And now an idealistic, upper-class officer wants her to risk her life on a hopeless voyage to attack enemy headquarters – manned by 10,000 soldiers.

Edward Hoornaert’s romantic space opera, Escapee, continues the saga of the Dukelsky family (begun in The Guardian Angel of Farflung Station).  If you like The African Queen and the thrill of underdogs finding love while battling a hostile environment, you’ll love Escapee.

Don’t let this rousing tale escape from you.

Amazon US  |  Canada  |  UK  |  Australia
MuseItUp Publishing
Apple iBooks
Barnes and Noble
Kobo Books

Top Ten books every fiction writer should read

Top Ten Tuesdays are hosted by The Broke and The Bookish.  The blog hop features lists related to all things bookish–characters, authors, titles, and favorites. They’re an excellent way to find new interesting books on a variety of topics, and to connect with bloggers who love the books you do.

This week’s theme is top ten books every X should read, where bloggers get to choose what X stands for.  I chose X=fiction writers, because I read a ton of books about writing craft.

In no particular order, here are some of the books I find useful:

Techniques of the Selling Writer, by Dwight V. Swain
Super Structure: The Key to Unleashing the Power of Story, by James Scott Bell
Save the Cat: The Last Book on Screenwriting that You’ll ever Need, by Blake Snyder. Applicable to novel writing, too.
Believable Characters: Creating with Enneagrams, by Laurie Schnebly
45 Master Characters: Mythic Models for Creating Original Characters, by Victoria Lynn Schmidt
Hooked: Write Fiction that Grabs Readers at Page One and Never Lets Them Go, by Les Edgerton
World-Building: A Writers’s Guide to Constructing Star Systems and Life-Supporting Planets, by Stephen L. Gillett. For science fiction writers.
Writing 21st Century Fiction: High-Impact Techniques for Exceptional Storytelling, by Donald Maas. Or Writing the Breakout Novel.  Or anything of his, really.
Writing Screenplays That Sell: The Complete Guide to Turning Story Concepts into Movie and Television Deals, by Michael Hauge. Applicable to novel writing, too. Hauge is my current guru for story structure–a great place to start if your talent is for crafting words, rather than telling stories.
The Emotion Thesaurus: A Writer’s Guide to Character Expression, by Angela Ackerman and Becca Puglisi

I could go on, but the rules say ten, so ten is all you get.

What about you? Have ever thought about writing books of your own? Tell us about it in a comment. And be sure to check out fascinating top tens by other bloggers.

And finally, since we’re talking about writing fiction … please ignore the following and forgive me for posting it.

The African Queen in Outer Space

Catt Sayer just wants to survive.  The working-class fugitive delivers military supplies on her decrepit airship, but her hard-won livelihood vanishes when invaders overrun her harsh moon. And now an idealistic, upper-class officer wants her to risk her life on a hopeless voyage to attack enemy headquarters – manned by 10,000 soldiers.

Edward Hoornaert’s romantic space opera, Escapee, continues the saga of the Dukelsky family (begun in The Guardian Angel of Farflung Station).  If you like The African Queen and the thrill of underdogs finding love while battling a hostile environment, you’ll love Escapee.

Don’t let this rousing tale escape from you.

Amazon US  |  Canada  |  UK  |  Australia
MuseItUp Publishing
Apple iBooks
Barnes and Noble
Kobo Books

 

Effing Feline is a great hunter

Fart-Fueled Flying Feline, Effing for short, writes the Weekend Writing Warrior / Sunday Snippet posts on Mr. V’s behalf

I, Effing Feline, caught a mouse today.  That makes me a great hunter!  As great as the chap at right, and just as pleased with myself as he is.

In last week’s snippet from the soon-to-be-released Escapee, we saw Catt just before she dumped a cannon off a cliff (which was, unfortunately for her, sabotage in time of war).  Back inside the airship, Hector advances on her, enraged.

We learn later that Catt was a battered woman, so she expects him to beat her. This is one of the first times she really sees Hector rather than the stereotype she imagines him to be.

He speaks first.

“If your female irrationality demands it, go ahead and scream,” he growled. “I’m curious, though—who’s going to charge to your rescue?”

Catt stared into his eyes. The phrase she bored deep into his soul came to mind, but that was meaningless twaddle. And yet something she saw made her stand a little straighter, a little less frightened.

“You,” she said, sounding puzzled and surprised.

“I’m the bad guy, according to you.”

“Yeah, you are, but … you have a soul in there.” She relaxed her defensive posture, her eyes wide with wonder. “Screaming would bring out the gentleman in you and you’d rescue me from yourself … I think.”

Effing Feline here again. Mr V says I have to fess up about my bragging, darn it. The mouse I caught was … well … it was —

Do I really have to admit this, Mr V?

He says yes. Sigh.

The mouse was grandson Wesley’s plush Mickey Mouse. There, I said it–but oh, the shame!

While I hide my face, go read the snippets by other great weekend writing warriors and Sunday Snippets folks.

<<  ===  >>

The African Queen in Outer Space

Catt Sayer just wants to survive.  The working-class fugitive delivers military supplies on her decrepit airship, but her hard-won livelihood vanishes when invaders overrun her harsh moon. And now an idealistic, upper-class officer wants her to risk her life on a hopeless voyage to attack enemy headquarters – manned by 10,000 soldiers.

Edward Hoornaert’s romantic space opera, Escapee, continues the saga of the Dukelsky family (begun in The Guardian Angel of Farflung Station).  If you like The African Queen and the thrill of underdogs finding love while battling a hostile environment, you’ll love Escapee.

Don’t let this rousing tale escape from you.  Pre-order Escapee today at:

Amazon US  |  Canada  |  UK  |  Australia
MuseItUp Publishing
Apple iBooks
Barnes and Noble
Kobo Books

Effing Feline is rich

Fart-Fueled Flying Feline, Effing for short, writes the Weekend Writing Warrior / Sunday Snippet posts on Mr. V’s behalf

I, Effing Feline, am rich.  My pet human, Ed Hoornaert, gave me another blog post to write and paid me eighteen cents! Do you have the foggiest notion how many millions eighteen cents is in cat money? I’m now the richest cat in the whole state!

I’m skipping ahead to the next turning point of Escapee. In The African Queen, Humphrey Bogart gets drunk because he’s angry at Kate Hepburn for wanting to go on to attack the enemy, even after experiencing river rapids. In Escapee, Catt is angry at Hector for wanting to go on to attack the enemy, even after flying through a volcanic eruption.

Does Catt get drunk? Nothing that tame! While her airship has landed for the night, she sneaks out of the cabin and into the cargo hold, where she uses a forklift to pick up a crate holding the cannon Dukelsky needed for his attack.  (Her ship delivered military supplies, if you remember.)  She’s going to dump the weapon off a cliff.

Or is she?

But as she drove the forklift over the bumpy rocks, her mind betrayed her. This was wrong. Dukelsky was right to fight against the invaders who had destroyed her world. She paused, looking around as though she’d never seen the looming bulk of Escapee before.

The seat of the forklift vibrated as the old machine idled, while she debated right and wrong on the barren, hostile crags of an uninhabitable world. If she debated long enough, the motor would run out of oxygen and its power would die of asphyxiation. Then she wouldn’t have to decide at all. Would that be better than committing the grossest act of mulishness in a life filled with stubbornness?

Uphill from her, the airlock opened — Dukelsky!

She gunned the motor.

Effing Feline here again. Looks like stubbornness is overruling Catt’s sense of right and wrong.

Read the snippets by other great weekend writing warriors and Sunday Snippets folks.

<<  ===  >>

The African Queen in Outer Space

Catt Sayer just wants to survive.  The working-class fugitive delivers military supplies on her decrepit airship, but her hard-won livelihood vanishes when invaders overrun her harsh moon. And now an idealistic, upper-class officer wants her to risk her life on a hopeless voyage to attack enemy headquarters – manned by 10,000 soldiers.

Edward Hoornaert’s romantic space opera, Escapee, continues the saga of the Dukelsky family (begun in The Guardian Angel of Farflung Station).  If you like The African Queen and the thrill of underdogs finding love while battling a hostile environment, you’ll love Escapee.

Don’t let this rousing tale escape you.  Pre-order Escapee today.

SFR Brigade Showcase

Every month, the Science Fiction Romance Brigade highlights some of its brilliant authors.

Today I, Effing Feline, am getting greedy — which is, of course, a cat’s purrogative. Just ask Garfield. I’m here to talk about Ed Hoornaert’s new novel, Escapee —

Wait up! I see a couple of quizzical eyebrows out there in my audience.  (Yes, us cats have the mystical ability to see what you’re doing through the far side of your computer screen. So CUT IT OUT.  You should be ashamed of yourself!)

Who, you ask, is Effing Feline, and why have I never heard of such an amazing cat? For you ignoramuses, my full name is Fart Fueled Flying Feline, and I am the  master of my pet human, Ed Hoornaert. I am magnificent! And I love exclamation marks!!!

I earn my tunafish by writing a weekly column on Mr V’s website. (Ed is ‘Mr Valentine’ because he inspired an award winning Harlequin novel of that name. Yeah, I agree; that’s pretty boring.) Anyway, in my greed, I’m doing an extra gig this week — and I’m getting paid 18 whole cents to do it!

I’m hear today to tell — not ask, tell — you to pre-order Mr V’s fourteenth book, Escapee, which’ll be released April 19. It’s a great sci fi book, yada yada, and a great romance from a guy who got his start writing for Silhouette Books, blah blah blah.

And I get an extra 2 cents for each copy you folks order!  Wooha!

Don’t worry that I’m underpaid, ’cause I’m not. Do you have any idea how much 18 cents is in cat money? I’ll be hissing rich!

Now go away. Visit the other writers in the SFR Brigade Showcase or something, and don’t bother me any more. It’s nap time.

The African Queen in Outer Space

Catt Sayer just wants to survive.  The working-class fugitive delivers military supplies on her decrepit airship, but her hard-won livelihood vanishes when invaders overrun her harsh moon. And now an idealistic, upper-class officer wants her to risk her life on a hopeless voyage to attack enemy headquarters – manned by 10,000 soldiers.

Edward Hoornaert’s romantic space opera, Escapee, continues the saga of the Dukelsky family (begun in The Guardian Angel of Farflung Station).  If you like The African Queen and the thrill of underdogs finding love while battling a hostile environment, you’ll love Escapee.

Don’t let this rousing tale escape you.  Pre-order Escapee today.

Bookstores I Love — I have good taste, apparently

Is any kind of store more important to a writer than bookstores? Absolutely not! That’s why I’m reviving this series on bookstores I’ve visited and love.

I’m inspired by an article I saw the other day: Munro’s Books cited as one of world’s best bookstores. Number THREE in the entire world, according to National Geographic’s book, Destinations of a Lifetime. It was also the second bookstore I featured.

Unless you live in Victoria, British Columbia, or followed my Bookstores I Love feature, you probably don’t know about Munro’s Books. Here’s what Nat Geo says:

In 1963, exactly a half century before she won the Nobel Prize in literature, Alice Munro co-founded a bookstore with her then-husband, Jim. Munro’s has since moved into a magnificent, neoclassical former bank, decorated with gorgeous fabrics.

As if that wasn’t enough, the Nat Geo list included two more of the bookstores I love:

Me at Powell’s — proof I’ve been there in person

Powell’s Books in Portland, Oregon. I’ve visited Powell’s several times and enjoyed each visit. Here’s part of what Nat Geo had to say:

The flagship of the world’s largest independent bookstore chain stretches over an entire city block in downtown Portland. The color-coded rooms are stocked with a huge selection of used and new books; the store also hosts readings, story times for kids, and book groups.

Shakespeare and Company, on the banks of the Seine in Paris. I hadn’t gotten around to the writeup, but it was one of the three bookstores on my to-do list. (The others are Antigone Books in Tucson, Arizona, and Foyle’s Books in London.) In truth, I visited Will & Co mostly because of its reputation as a haunt of the many writers who lived in Paris. I didn’t buy anything.

Here are a few of the links:

Munro’s Books
Powell’s Books in Portland, Oregon
National Geographic’s Top Ten List

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Check out other Bookstores I Love. What about you? What bookstores do you love? Tell us in the comments.

Effing Feline demands salmon

Fart-Fueled Flying Feline, Effing for short, writes the Weekend Writing Warrior / Sunday Snippet posts on Mr. V’s behalf

Last week I, Effing Feline, told you I had the DT’s because I ran out of catnip. Here’s was happened to me after that:

Photo by tosher, courtesy Deposit Photos

That’s right.  I was in an INSTITUTION, in a STRAITJACKET while I dried out.  (And before you ask — no, this is not my head photoshopped onto beautiful redhead, in a blatant plea for sympathy and salmon tidbits. Do you honestly think we cats can use Photoshop? Get serious!)

Today, another snippet from Escapee, the upcoming science fiction romance from my pet human, Ed Hoornaert, aka Mr Valentine. I’m skipping ahead a couple chapters.

Catt Sayer rescued Captain Hector Dukelsky, the only soldier who survived an invasion of a mining moon called Banff. He wants Catt to fly him in her airship to attack the enemy headquarters on the other side of the moon. Storms and volcanoes make the trip impossible, yet she agrees, certain he’ll abandon his mad plan after experiencing Banff’s fury.

Immediately following a close encounter with the wild winds caused by a pair of volcanoes, Catt pets a pet cat (I loved typing this phrase), certain that Hector will abandon his suicidal quest.

She stared down at the cat and spoke as though Hector wasn’t there. “After that experience he realizes, of course, that flying to the other side of the moon is too dangerous to contemplate. Right?” She looked up at him, her eyes narrowed and focusing on him like surgical lasers.

“The only thing I’m convinced of is that you’re a fantastic pilot,” Hector said. “I had misgivings before, but after seeing you in action, Miss Sayer, I … well, I can’t tell you how glad I am to have you along on this mission.”

“What!”

Hector blinked. This woman sure didn’t accept compliments very well.

Effing Feline here again. I simply must insist that those salmon tidbits be fresh, not frozen or canned. See to it!

Read the snippets by other great weekend writing warriors and Sunday Snippets folks.\

I almost forgot. Mr V is looking for folks who might be interested in posting an honest Amazon/Goodreads/whatever review fairly soon after the April 19 release. If that’s you, Mr V can send you an ARC. (Whatever an ARC is. I’m pretty sure it’s not edible, so don’t get your hopes up.)

<<  ===  >>

The African Queen in Outer Space

Catt Sayer just wants to survive.  The working-class fugitive delivers military supplies on her decrepit airship, but her hard-won livelihood vanishes when invaders overrun her harsh moon. And now an idealistic, upper-class officer wants her to risk her life on a hopeless voyage to attack enemy headquarters – manned by 10,000 soldiers.

Edward Hoornaert’s romantic space opera, Escapee, continues the saga of the Dukelsky family (begun in The Guardian Angel of Farflung Station).  If you like The African Queen and the thrill of underdogs finding love while battling a hostile environment, you’ll love Escapee.

Don’t let this rousing tale escape you.  Pre-order Escapee today.