Edward Hoornaert's Blog, page 65

Effing Feline has no time for furballs

Fart-Fueled Flying Feline, Effing for short, writes the Weekend Writing Warrior / Sunday Snippet posts on Mr. V’s behalf

I, Effing Feline, have been madly shredding paper this week.  It’s part of the free document shredding service I discussed last week. I have ten boxes of paper to shred, so business is looking good … sort of. I have to find some cats willing to pay me to claw the papers to shreds. That’s the only way I’ll make any money!

Another excerpt today from Newborn, Mr V’s science fiction romance that will be released October 27. Our heroine was born alone in a forest moments before this excerpt, fully grown and well armed — and ignorant of many, many things.

“But where am I?” And why hadn’t I wondered that before?

As soon as I thought the question, an answer appeared. The Process, which was secret and illegal, had required trial and error, and They couldn’t jam all information that might be useful into my brain. With luck, They’d omitted nothing crucial.

But…what Process?

And who were They?

Those questions tasted slimy and bitter, so my mind distracted me with new information. I was trekking the sparsely inhabited coast of a large Pacific island.

Effing Feline here again. Whew! After working for days, I finally got through one of the ten boxes of shredding — and I didn’t even have time to cough up a furball.  Anyone know any cats willing to pay to shred something ?

Be sure to visit the other Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday posts.

Newborn

She was born to kill

Jo Beaverpaw is born fully grown, well-armed, and impatient to tackle her Destiny … which is to kill her alien nation’s most wanted fugitive. Her life is pre-programmed and straightforward – until she meets the sexy bodyguard of her intended target.

Newborn is the third exciting book in Edward Hoornaert’s near-future romance series, Alien Contact for Idiots. If you ever daydreamed about The Terminator being a bad-assed (yet petite) female, don’t miss Newborn.

Effing Feline plans to get rich

Fart-Fueled Flying Feline, Effing for short, writes the Weekend Writing Warrior / Sunday Snippet posts on Mr. V’s behalf

I, Effing Feline, believes that if at first you don’t succeed, try one more time and then quit. Last week’s manuscript evaluation service garnered no nibbles, so I’m changing the focus slightly. It’s now a document shredding service. It’ll be FREE! Which means, of course, that I shall get rich!

New tale today. Sort of new; I did excerpts from Newborn earlier in the year, but Mr V is nothing if not a slow writer, determined to get everything write right. My apologies to those who remember the opening, but I’m too busy with my new business to read beyond page one. BTW, some of you might recognize the opening line, which Mr V stole from some loser named Charles Dickens.

I was born.

One moment I didn’t exist and never had existed and then, blink, I stood in a clearing, fully dressed, well-armed, and impatient to tackle my Destiny.

Like a magnet seeking north, I strode toward Destiny, downhill and to my left—baby’s first step—and tripped. Rising slowly, I stretched my arms out for balance against the world’s unexpected hazards.

“Careful,” I whispered—baby’s first word, spoken in a creamy soprano that soothed my ears. I looked around, which I should’ve done before taking a step. How could I kill if I couldn’t even walk?

Effing Feline back again. How, you might ask, can I get rich if I shred documents for free? Simple. I’ll charge neighborhood cats for the privilege of clawing the documents to shreds.

Be sure to visit the other Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday posts.

Newborn

Killer clones, like killer robots and killer cyborgs, are usually portrayed as supermen. It’s the science fiction way of waving a magic wand and giving a character special powers. But in reality, not all clones would be perfect–especially if they’re designed to live for only a few hours.

What would it be like to be such a clone? To know nothing except your implanted Destiny?  And then to meet a sexy man, who just happens to be the bodyguard of your intended target?

Newborn is a finalist in the Pages from the Heart contest, so wish me luck.

Effing Feline runs a shredding service

Fart-Fueled Flying Feline, Effing for short, writes the Weekend Writing Warrior / Sunday Snippet posts on Mr. V’s behalf

I, Effing Feline, am considering starting a manuscript evaluation service. I think I’d be good at it, because my claws are so very, very sharp. I’ll rate stories by dead mice: 3 dead mice is good, 1 or 2 dead mice means I couldn’t get my claws into it. In theory, it’s a 5-mouse scale, but because I’m cat, not manuscript will ever get more than 3. Dead mice not included.

This is the last snippet from The Midas Rush. Naive shepherd Tresky Buffrum has married a beauty named Ebbril who is trying to get him drunk. What follows is the end of their glorious wedding night.

It picks up directly after last week’s snippet ended with “I suppose to a Pilk, whose people’ve raised sexual pleasure to its highest, mosht intense, mosht wildest levels—”

“To a Pilk, I shuppose being a virgin at twenty-two is a disgrace. But here—up in Gasparre, I mean—it’s bein’ a Pilk what’s scandalous.” Tresky winked at her with both eyes. “But I won’t hold your ‘sperience against you. Just be gentle wi’ me.”

He reached for her, but bumped the bottle of wine instead. It toppled over. As a puddle formed under his nose, he giggled, imagining the wine spilling onto Ebbril’s dress and her removing it very Pilkily.

Then the room went dark, though he never heard the click of the light switch.

Effing Feline back again. If you want me to shred evaluate your story, please send hardcopies only!

Be sure to visit the other Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday posts.

The Midas Rush

All Tresky Buffrum wants is a taste of adventure and freedom before resigning himself to the simple life of a shepherd.  What he gets instead is a mysterious wife (determined to remain chaste) who leads him to the Midas Crater, where some of the planet’s intelligent natives have been inexplicably transformed into gold. Can Tresky defeat the interplanetary conspirators who seek to destroy the Midas Crater before its mysteries can liberate humankind?

The Midas Rush is a available at:

Amazon  |  Canada  |  UK  |  Australia
Apple iBooks
Barnes and Noble
Kobo Books
Smashwords

Top Ten TV Shows from Sci Fi books

Top Ten Tuesdays are hosted by The Broke and The Bookish.  The blog hop features lists related to all things bookish–characters, authors, titles, and favorites. They’re an excellent way to find new interesting books on a variety of topics, and to connect with bloggers who love the books you do.

This week’s theme is a TV topic in honor of Fall TV. I’ve chosen science fiction books that have been produced for the small screen. No movies allowed!

Childhood’s End by Arthur C. Clarke. This new six-hour mini-series delves into one of Clarke’s most memorable novel. You know, I really ought to re-read it.
The Man in the High Castle by Philip K. Dick. This Amazon mini-series is based on Dick’s best book, IMHO.
Gateway by Frederik Pohl. This eagerly awaited mini-series, not yet released, is based on a Hugo & Nebula award winning book. It’s one of the best sci fi books ever.
Flashforward by Robert J. Sawyer. Rob is a friend and mentor of mine, so I’m definitely going to mention this lavish production that aired on ABC a few years ago.
Game of Thrones by George RR Martin. You might just possibly have heard of this HBO series. If you haven’t, you must live on a different planet.
The Flash. Okay, it isn’t sci fi and it isn’t from a book, but this is my list, okay? We watched the filming of a scene right outside the window of my son’s apartment, and Flash’s ‘headquarters’ are the exterior of Vancouver City Hall, two blocks from his place. That’s more than enough reason for me to include it.
Dune by Frank Herbert. The 2000 SyFy channel mini-series, not the horrendous feature film by David Lynch.
Mysterious Island by Jules Verne.  This 1951 series ran for 15 episodes. Verne has long been a favorite with the cameras. The first adaptation I came across was filmed in 1901. That’s not a typo. 1901!!!
Around the World in 80 Days by Jules Verne. A 1972 animated series. Yes, even kiddies know and love Jules Verne.
Five Weeks in a Balloon by Jules Verne. Another animated series, this one from 1978. I was tempted to include Finding Nemo, because the name Nemo became associated with the ocean thanks to Verne’s 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea. But that’s a movie, not TV.

Be sure to check out some of the other fascinating lists.

Effing Feline arranges flowers

Fart-Fueled Flying Feline, Effing for short, writes the Weekend Writing Warrior / Sunday Snippet posts on Mr. V’s behalf

I, Effing Feline, am mollified. Last week I was hissing mad at my pet human, Ed Hoornaert, because he didn’t take me to his nephew’s wedding even though I got new clothes for the affair. But Mr V brought me a corsage from the wedding and let me bat it around until all the petals were spread over the floor. Fun!

Today I offer you another snippet from The Midas Rush. Naive shepherd Tresky Buffrum has married a beauty named Ebbril who is trying to get him drunk. He asks her what tribe she’s from; she evasively asks him what he thinks.  When he says she looks like a Pilk, she answers that yes, she’s a Pilk. (Edited from the published version to fit the 10-sentence limit.)

“Glory to the Diggers, on my first day in the city I meet a Pilk and on the second day I marry her — whooha!

“What,” Ebbril demanded, “have you heard about Pilks?”

“Only what ever’one knows.”

“Which is?”

“Well, Pilks are sorta like us Gasparres, ‘cept opposite. Gasparres are dreamy romantics given to sloppy poetry and staying virgins until they marry, and then staying fateful … uh, faithful forever.”

Staring as though truly seeing him for the first time, she whispered, “You’re a virgin?”

He made himself speak slowly, so the words would behave themselves like a flock under the watchful gaze of a sheep-lizard. “I suppose that’s shocking to a Pilk, whose people’ve raised sexual pleasure to its highest, mosht intense, mosht wildest levels—”

“What!”

Effing Feline back again. Why would Ebbril be so surprised? Oh, who cares. I have more important things to think about. I need to bat flower petals into other rooms, to spread their beauty across every floor in the house.

While I’m doing that, go visit the other Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday posts.

Interested in reading Midas Rush and writing an honest review on Amazon, Goodreads, or your website? Just send Mr V your e-mail and he’ll arrange to get you a copy.
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The Midas Rush

All Tresky Buffrum wants is a taste of adventure and freedom before resigning himself to the simple life of a shepherd.  What he gets instead is a mysterious wife (determined to remain chaste) who leads him to the Midas Crater, where some of the planet’s intelligent natives have been inexplicably transformed into gold. Can Tresky defeat the interplanetary conspirators who seek to destroy the Midas Crater before its mysteries can liberate humankind?

The Midas Rush is a available at:

Amazon  |  Canada  |  UK  |  Australia
Apple iBooks
Barnes and Noble
Kobo Books
Smashwords

Find my sf novel The Triumph of Tompa Lee, marked down from $4.99 to just $.99 in Patty’s latest cross-promotion

SFR Brigade Showcase: about research

My most thoroughly researched book is…

As an author of science fiction, I almost always have to research each book. How much research varies from book to book.

This one required little research

A northwest coast fjord. Photo by the author

My upcoming release, Newborn, coming in October, required relatively little research. It’s the third book in the Alien Contact for Idiots series, which helps, and the book is set on Earth in the near future.

Nonetheless, I had to research the wild, sparsely populated west coast of Vancouver Island. I’m familiar with the Northwest Coast, but I wanted to pinpoint the exact fjord where my story happened. Along with determining the topography, the location would determine which First Nation lived near my setting. Google Earth was a great resource, as were maps and the Internet.

Although I did choose a site, I decided not to name it in the book. The name would mean little to readers, and I wanted to place a village and a road  where I needed them to be. The book is fiction, after all.

NW Coast people carved totem poles

A major theme in Newborn is how native peoples react to the arrival of kinsmen with advanced technology from an alternate Earth. I already knew about Northwest Coast tribes, so I didn’t need much research.

The stickiest point was what to call them. Indians is outdated and colonial, but no alternative is universally accepted. Native Americans didn’t feel right; they’re in Canada. First Nations people is the Canadian euphemism, but it’s a clumsy, bureaucratic mouthful. I settled on aboriginals.

Tribe names are controversial, too. Kwakiutl is widely used, but it rightfully describes only the Indians/Native Americans/First Nations people/aboriginals from one village. The name for the people as a whole is Kwakwak’wakw. Yeah, right. No way was I going to use a name so difficult for English speakers — although I did research how to say it.  ;-)

I also researched little things, such as how to load a Glock pistol and the hunting seasons that were open during the story’s season. Little details matter. Still, Newborn required relatively little research.

But this one, sheesh

The Midas Rush was set on a world inhabited by intelligent natives who grudgingly share a sliver of their planet with humans. The natives have an unusual life cycle, dominated by a cataclysmic social upheaval every 3109 years — and they’re on the verge of such an upheaval as the story starts.

But why? How could I make such a drastic lifecycle believable?

I did a lot of research. The answer came from a serious scientific research paper proposing an explanation for the Permian Extinction. I won’t bore you with the details, but the paper explores what could’ve happened if Earth had passed through a thick lens of dark matter. (Answer: a mass extinction caused by radiation and destabilization of the core.)

Ahha! My hypothetical planet (which I called Jones to contrast the commonplace with the unusual) orbits through a hypothetical lens of dark matter every 3109 years. The natives gained vast power as they evolved to deal with wild radiation fluxes, but it’s a dangerous time nonetheless. It took quite a bit more research, but my strange aliens can at least be defended scientifically.

What about You?

Have you ever read a science fiction book with a lot of research, like The Martian? If you’re a writer, what kind of research do you do? Tell me about it in a comment.

About  The Midas Rush

All Tresky Buffrum wants is a taste of adventure and freedom before resigning himself to the simple life of a shepherd.  What he gets instead is a mysterious wife, determined to remain chaste, who leads him to the Midas Crater, where some of the planet’s intelligent natives have been inexplicably transformed into gold. Can innocent Tresky defeat the interplanetary conspirators who seek to destroy the Midas Crater before its mysteries can liberate humankind?

The Midas Rush is a available at:

Amazon  |  Canada  |  UK  |  Australia
Apple iBooks
Barnes and Noble
Kobo Books
Smashwords

SFR Brigade Showcase Participants:

Be sure to check out the other great writers taking part in the Showcase.

1.
Lea Kirk
6.
Lee-Ann Wallace
11.
Teresa Noelle Roberts



2.
Veronica Scott
7.
Elle Clouse
12.
JC Hay



3.
KM Fawcett
8.
C.E. Kilgore
.




4.
Melisse Aires
9.
Lexi Post




5.
Aurora Springer
10.
Cynthia Sax

Top Ten Sci-Fi Cats to Read instead of Homework

Top Ten Tuesdays are hosted by The Broke and The Bookish.  The blog hop features lists related to all things bookish–characters, authors, titles, and favorites. They’re an excellent way to find new interesting books on a variety of topics, and to connect with bloggers who love the books you do.

This week’s theme is a Back To School Freebie — anything “back to school”. If you’re like me, homework is not your favorite pastime, so for all the cat-loving science fiction readers out there in cyberland, here’s a list of  homework-avoiders.

Number nine

Furzel’s from Games of Command by Linnea Sinclair. Furzels are telepathic feline creatures. Sinclair has stated that these are inspired by her two cats.

 

Number eight

Pixel from The Cat Who Walks Through Walls by Robert Heinlein. The book itself is subpar Heinlein, but any cat who rates being a title character is star enough to make this list. In one scene Pixel does, in fact, walk through a wall. How?   He succeeds simply because he’s too young to know that it’s impossible.

Number seven

Gummitch from various stories by Fritz Lieber. This is one of several selections that prove my weakness for classic science fiction but hey, I’m an old fart.  Imagine a kitten with an IQ of 160! They all think they’re that smart, of course, but Gummitch really is.

Number six

Sprockets from Mission to Universe by Gordon R. Dickson. Dickson was an ex-pat Canadian asthmatic who was allergic to cats. (All of which describe me, as well.  Too bad about the allergies, because I love cats!)

Dickson’s asthma that didn’t stop him from writing a great cat. Sprockets is a stowaway feral kitten who becomes spaceship mascot. He doesn’t purr. The crew believe that if he learns to purr, they’ll find success in their search for an inhabitable planet. That’s the old scientific spirit for you!

Number five

Chester from The Celery Stalks at Midnight by James Howe.  Okay, this isn’t strictly speaking science fiction; it’s a YA fantasy.  But it’s my list, okay? Also don’t miss Howe’s Howliday Inn.  Gotta love a writer who’s unabashed about puns, right?

Number four

The Green Cat from Green Millennium by Fritz Lieber. The book may not be Lieber’s best, but the cat sure is. The human hero keeps following after the (nameless) cat because of the contentment he feels in its presence. Anyone who’s ever petted a purring pussy can relate. Unless they’re a dog person. But what are you doing reading this if you’re a dog lover?

Number three

The Barque Cats (take your pick from a shipload of cats). They’re the stars of two booksby Anne McCaffrey and Elizabeth Ann Scarborough: Catalyst  and Catacombs.

Number two

The Cheshire Cat, who else? This dude’s attitude is 100% feline. If a cat could talk and smoke hookah’s, it would be exactly as aloof and supercilious as this disappearing cat.  Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll

Number one

Petronius the Arbiter (AKA Pete) from The Door into Summer by Robert A. Heinlein. Daniel Boone Davis occasionally carries this smart, loving cat  in a carrying-bag and feeds him ginger ale. Dan calls him Petronius the Arbiter because Pete is a good judge of people. If Pete doesn’t like someone, Dan doesn’t. Like any self-respecting cat, Pete is, of course always right.

And that’s what I’ve come up with. I have only nine on the list, so if anyone would like to add a tenth, drop me a comment.

 

Effing Feline got dressed up for nothing

Fart-Fueled Flying Feline, Effing for short, writes the Weekend Writing Warrior / Sunday Snippet posts on Mr. V’s behalf

Photo by DepositPhotos

I, Effing Feline, got left behind!

I was all set to go. I got me some brand new duds: a tie and a top hat, and even a veil for my latest lady friend, too, hoping to score. But did Mr V take me to his nephew’s wedding this weekend?

No!

So I used The Midas Rush by Ed Hoornaert as a scratching post.

Being a truly professional blogger, however, I’m giving  you an unscratched snippet. Last week we met Tresky Buffrum, a naive young shepherd who gathered his life savings and trekked to his planet’s big city just two days prior. He is entertaining the most beautiful woman he’s ever met — alone in his hotel room, with a bed big enough for four people, six if they’re related.

“You know,” Tresky said, “I feel I’ve always known you, even though we met just yesterday, and now that we’re …” He hesitated, fearing that if he spoke the word aloud, she would slap him awake from the grandest dream he’d ever had. “Now that we’re, uh … married.”

She said nothing, but at least she didn’t slap him.

“Married,” he repeated, “married! We should start learning about each other — our past, our dreams, our hopes. Do you want to go first?”

“No.”

“But there isn’t much to tell about me, I’m afraid.”

“Have some more wine, then; it’ll help you speak more freely.”

What has poor Tresky gotten himself into? I  hope your wedding night had more warmth than his. What these two need are purring cats on their laps .

Be sure to visit the other Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday posts.

The Midas Rush

All Tresky Buffrum wants is a taste of adventure and freedom before resigning himself to the simple life of a shepherd.  What he gets instead is a mysterious wife, determined to remain chaste, who leads him to the Midas Crater, where some of the planet’s intelligent natives have been inexplicably transformed into gold. Can innocent Tresky defeat the interplanetary conspirators who seek to destroy the Midas Crater before its mysteries can liberate humankind?

The Midas Rush is a available at:

Amazon  |  Canada  |  UK  |  Australia
Apple iBooks
Barnes and Noble
Kobo Books
Smashwords

Peek at a Bikini Veteran

First Ever Images of the Wreck of the USS Independence

Although I’m more likely to write about the stars, I’m also  interested in the undersea frontier, which can seem even more alien.

I follow the real-time video feeds from Nautilus Live as the drone submarine explores the ocean deep. Today, the E/V Nautilus explored the USS Independence (CVL-22), a World War II era aircraft carrier, once used in the atomic tests at Bikini Atoll in the Pacific. Independence was scuttled in 1951. The ship was only 550 yards from the explosion.

Photos of the ship and its wreck. All photos copyright © 2016 Ocean Exploration Trust

The Independence was one of 90 ships anchored at Bikini Atoll to test the effect of an atomic blast on warships. The blast destroyed Independence as a fleet-capable ship.  It was then towed back to San Francisco to experiment with decontamination techniques to be used in case of an atomic war.  In 1951, it was scuttled to prevent espionage.

On August 22, 2016, Dr. Robert Ballard, and the crew of the E/V Nautilus conducted the first visual survey the USS Independence. Here are some of the images from that survey.

(Above) This blast gauge tower, also called a “Christmas tree”, originally held part of a 40 mm anti-aircraft gun. When the gun was removed before the Bikini Atoll explosions, a gauge (still visible) was put atop the tree to measure the pressure of the atomic explosion.

The flat area at the top of this picture is the leading edge of the flight deck. Hanging from its side is a 40 mm gun emplacement, now encrusted with sponges.

This gun, a 20 mm anti-aircraft weapon, is still intact.

Here is the bow of the Independence. Although most paint, including the ship’s name and number have corroded away, the broken pole angling off the right still shows some of its original color.

A closeup of the bow, showing the anchor chains.

Interested? Visit Nautilus Live for more great visits.

Effing Feline talks tail

Fart-Fueled Flying Feline, Effing for short, writes the Weekend Writing Warrior / Sunday Snippet posts on Mr. V’s behalf

I, Effing Feline, want to talk about tails.

Since few cats are smart enough to write a weekly column — okay, yes, you’re right; no other cats is that smart — you may have trouble communicating with your puss. Here’s a hint: listen to the tail.

(Photo: Lawrenceville-Suwanee Animal Hospital)

For a few weeks I’ll be selecting snippets from The Midas Rush by my pet human, Ed Hoornaert, aka Mr Valentine. It’s science fiction with romantic elements. Here’s the opening, edited from the published version to fit.

Travel Poster for Midas Rush

“More wine?” asked Tresky Buffrum.

The most beautiful woman he’d ever met didn’t answer. She glanced at the cork-sheathed wine bottle sitting on the table between them. Then she stared across the hotel room at the carved, greywood bed big enough for four people—six if they were related.

“Have more wine yourself,” she said.

As she refilled his cup, her long, black hair swayed, framing cheeks glowing like sunshine on fresh snow dusting a field of pinkbuds. Her bosom, rising gently with each breath, was intoxicating and delicate, unlike the mountains of flesh drooping to Gasparre women’s waists, or below. When she smiled, it was like the first gush of daylight after a long night watching a flock.

“Drink up,” she said.

“You are so beautiful — more beautiful even than my prize-winning ewe.”

Effing Feline back again. If I didn’t know better, I’d think Tresky is thinking naughty thoughts … but Mr V would never write anything naughty.  ;-)

And now for a pop quiz.  Look at (and admire!) my tail at left. What is it saying?

Be sure to visit the other Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday posts.

The Midas Rush

All Tresky Buffrum wants is a taste of adventure and freedom before resigning himself to the simple life of a shepherd.  What he gets instead is a mysterious wife (determined to remain chaste) who leads him to the Midas Crater, where some of the planet’s intelligent natives have been inexplicably transformed into gold. Can Tresky defeat the interplanetary conspirators—including his beloved wife—who seek to destroy the Midas Crater before its mysteries liberate humankind?

The Midas Rush is a available at:

Amazon  |  Canada  |  UK  |  Australia
Apple iBooks
Barnes and Noble
Kobo Books
Smashwords