Edward Hoornaert's Blog, page 61

A writer’s to-don’t list

This week’s writing prompt is:

Seven Guilty Pleasures

My take on this prompt is “things that make me feel guilty because they distract me writing.

The Internet.
The Internet.
The Internet.
Politics. The soap opera can be addictive.
Family. My four children have flown the next, or this would be higher.
Music. I’m a symphonic oboist, so my distraction of choice is classical.
And last but not least … chocolate!

Effing Feline practices catching mice

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Fart-Fueled Flying Feline, Effing for short, writes the Weekend Writing Warrior / Sunday Snippet posts on Mr. V’s behalf. Click the pic for info.

I, Effing Feline, got some Stern but useful advice from one of you last week. When I complained about have no mice to catch, Caitlin said: “There’s always toy mice, Effing. Good practice!”

[image error]But when I crawled under the love seat to retrieve my catnip mouse, I discovered Ed the Pet Human was right: I need to lose weight. I spent half the hissing day trapped under the #*&@ couch. Ed finally saved me — but couldn’t the lazy, flea-bitten idiot have done it sooner?

Today, another selection from The Trial of Tompa Lee. Tompa’s work-shift on Space Navy Ship Vance was chosen for the first shore leave on a planet of intelligent herd creatures. Here Tompa descends to the planet in a shuttle that was actually on the drawing boards when Ed wrote the book.

Tompa’s group rode light-craft LC-407V down from the Vance’s orbit. That terrified and thrilled her at the same time.

For one thing, she’d never actually ridden in one of the fast-but-tiny shuttles she was learning to maintain. To reach the Vance’s orbit around earth, she’d taken a huge craft that held a hundred people. On that shuttle, you didn’t feel every jolt or shift of direction, you didn’t smell machinery straining, you didn’t grow heavy and sweaty as the shuttle burned through the atmosphere. Light-craft were built for speed and efficiency, not comfort.

For another thing, last month she’d replaced this very craft’s Pulsed Detonation Engine, used for atmospheric flight. Trusting life and limb to her own inexperienced work curdled her blood, in a glorious kind of way.

Effing Feline here ‘gain. Lemme tell you folksh, I am absholoootely LOVING practicing wi’ my catnip moush. Hic!

Be sure to visit the other Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday posts.

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The Trilogy of Tompa Lee

The Trial of Tompa Lee is the first book in The Trilogy of Tompa Lee.  Here are the sequels.

The Tribulations of Tompa Lee

[image error]Goddess or madwoman? Even she isn’t sure.

Tompa Lee now serves as ambassador to the Shons’ planet and is hailed as their goddess — even though she’s paranoid about fellow humans and has a dead man living in her head. When the Klicks, mankind’s deadliest enemy, destroy the embassy, a ragtag group of Shon and human survivors expect her to save them.

Amazon  —  Canada   UK   Australia
Apple iBooks  |  Barnes and Noble  | Kobo Books

PS — I’ve designed a brand new cover for  Tribulations (shown at right). Check it out!

The Triumph of Tompa Lee

[image error]Now the prey stalks the hunter

Because Tompa Lee forges an upstart alliance between humans, Shons, and Klicks, the Trading Council hires Earth’s most feared bounty hunter to kill her. After the hunter lures her to deserted ruins by kidnapping her fiancé and her best friend, Tompa can save her loved ones only if she finally tames the goddess — and the madness — she carries inside.

Amazon  —  Canada   UK   Australia
Barnes and Noble  |  Kobo Books  |  Apple iTunes

SFR Showcase and Cover Reveal

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Welcome to the Science Fiction Romance Brigade’s showcase. Once a month the brigade’s authors highlight snippets from new work, WIPs, cover reveals or other fun things.

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Be sure to check out the posts by the members of the SFR Brigade.

 

A guy’s guide to ick

I’m trying something new today — a blog hop run by Marketing for Romance Writers (MFRW). For those new to my blog, yes, I’m a guy, and yes, I write romance. I’ve written for Silhouette, but these days I write science fiction with romance and humor.

The writing prompt for this week’s blog is Words that make me go Ick!

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This is a hard challenge for me because really, it depends on context. I’d rather not read clinical descriptions of body parts, but if I ever decided to read 50 Shades they’d come with the territory. I’d definitely rather not read about blood and violence, but sometimes gory words are appropriate.

So I’m going to focus instead on little words that, if overused, bother the heck out of me.

that — I know I used it in the previous sentence, but it can often be deleted without affecting clarity.
it — Yeah, yeah, I just now used it, but ‘it’ can be vague and sometimes confusing if readers have to figure out what ‘it’ refers to.  For example, change the previous sentence to “Yeah, yeah, I just now used the word twice…”
of — Trimming words is always a good thing, so I search for ‘of’.  If appropriate, I change the shriek of the warning klaxon to the warning klaxon’s shriek.  Saves two words.  Over the length of a book — sorry; make that a book’s length — two words here and there add up.
very — ‘Very unique’ and ‘unique’ mean the same darned thing. Not only is ‘very’ redundant, it suggests the writer isn’t sure whether something is unique or not. And don’t get me started on ‘very, very unique’!
really — ditto.
just — ditto.
about — Is the hero about six feet tall? If I want to imply the heroine is guessing, I’ll keep ‘about’ but otherwise it’s gone. A lot of times, deleting ‘about’ gets rid of wishy washy writing.

There are other ‘ick’ words, but these are some of the ones I search and destroy while editing my stories.

What are your ‘ick’ words?

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Click here to view other writers in this blog hop.

Effing Feline contemplates eating mice

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Fart-Fueled Flying Feline, Effing for short, writes the Weekend Writing Warrior / Sunday Snippet posts on Mr. V’s behalf. Click the pic for info.

[image error]I, Effing Feline, wonder if you can tell me: do mice taste good?

You see, Twiggles the Dog tells me (and Google confirms) cats are supposed to catch and eat mice. The phrase ‘good mouser’ is high praise for a feline.  However, my pet human allows no mice in his house, so how can I earn the grand praise I crave? ‘Tis a heartrending dilemma, you must agree.

Anyway, here’s another selection from The Trial of Tompa Lee (edited from the released text). Tompa is a lowly street meat, and there’s lots of prejudice against street meats in the Commerce Space Navy.

Following a briefing about shore leave on an alien world, sailors choose small teams for the visit to planet Zee-Shode. Unsurprisingly, no one wants Tompa on their team. At the last minute, though, the boss of her work team approaches. He speaks first:

“You must promise that you will contain your animal desires –”

“But I don’t have any animal desires!”

“– and conduct yourself like a lady.”

Before answering, Tompa made sure her ‘Navy face’ was securely in place. “No problem, sir,” except with the ‘lady’ part, though she’d read enough gordo novels to have some idea what he meant.

“Furthermore, you must promise not to precipitate any kind of incident or cause trouble while we are on Zee-Shode.”

“I’m not a troublemaker,” Tompa said in a pleading voice she hated but was helpless to change. “All I want is to blend in and make full Navy. I’ve worked for you three months — don’t you know me by now?”

“I don’t know you at all, Ship’s Ward; you make very sure no one does, and that’s part of the problem.”

Effing Feline here again with more questions about mice. Are they better baked or fried? Ketchup or mustard? White wine or red? All recipes appreciated.

Be sure to visit the other Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday posts.

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The Trilogy of Tompa Lee

The Trial of Tompa Lee is the first book in The Trilogy of Tompa Lee.  Here are the sequels.

The Tribulations of Tompa Lee

[image error]Goddess or madwoman? Even she isn’t sure.

Tompa Lee now serves as ambassador to the Shons’ planet and is hailed as their goddess. She’s paranoid about fellow humans and has a dead man living in her head — and yet when the Klicks, mankind’s greatest enemy, destroy the embassy, a ragtag group of Shon and human survivors expect her to save them.

Amazon  —  Canada   UK   Australia
Apple iBooks  |  Barnes and Noble  | Kobo Books


The Triumph of Tompa Lee

[image error]Now the prey stalks the hunter

Because Tompa Lee forges an upstart alliance between humans, Shons, and Klicks, the Trading Council hires Earth’s most feared bounty hunter, who lures her to deserted ruins by kidnapping her fiancé and her best friend. Unfortunately, Tompa can save her loved ones only if she can finally tame the goddess — and the madness — within her.

Amazon  —  Canada   UK   Australia
Barnes and Noble  |  Kobo Books  |  Apple iTunes

2016 Nebula Award Nominees Announced

As a member of SFWA, I’m proud to pass along this list of the nominees for the 51st Annual Nebula Awards, the Ray Bradbury Award for Outstanding Dramatic Presentation, and the Andre Norton Award for Outstanding Young Adult Science Fiction or Fantasy Book.

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Novel

All the Birds in the Sky, Charlie Jane Anders (Tor; Titan)
Borderline, Mishell Baker (Saga)
The Obelisk Gate, N.K. Jemisin (Orbit US; Orbit UK)
Ninefox Gambit,Yoon Ha Lee (Solaris US; Solaris UK)
Everfair, Nisi Shawl (Tor)

Novella

Runtime, S.B. Divya (Tor.com Publishing)
The Dream-Quest of Vellitt Boe, Kij Johnson (Tor.com Publishing)
The Ballad of Black Tom, Victor LaValle (Tor.com Publishing)
Every Heart a Doorway, Seanan McGuire (Tor.com Publishing)
‘‘The Liar’’, John P. Murphy (F&SF)
A Taste of Honey, Kai Ashante Wilson (Tor.com Publishing)

Novelette

‘‘The Long Fall Up’’, William Ledbetter (F&SF)
‘‘Sooner or Later Everything Falls Into the Sea’’, Sarah Pinsker (Lightspeed)
 ‘‘Blood Grains Speak Through Memories’’, Jason Sanford (Beneath Ceaseless Skies)
‘‘The Orangery’’, Bonnie Jo Stufflebeam (Beneath Ceaseless Skies)
The Jewel and Her Lapidary, Fran Wilde (Tor.com Publishing)
‘‘You’ll Surely Drown Here If You Stay’’, Alyssa Wong (Uncanny)

Short Story

‘‘Our Talons Can Crush Galaxies’’, Brooke Bolander (Uncanny)
‘‘Seasons of Glass and Iron’’, Amal El-Mohtar (The Starlit Wood)
‘‘Sabbath Wine’’, Barbara Krasnoff (Clockwork Phoenix 5)
‘‘Things With Beards’’, Sam J. Miller (Clarkesworld)
‘‘This Is Not a Wardrobe Door’’, A. Merc Rustad (Fireside Magazine)
‘‘A Fist of Permutations in Lightning and Wildflowers’’, Alyssa Wong (Tor.com)
‘‘Welcome to the Medical Clinic at the Interplanetary Relay Station│Hours Since the Last Patient Death: 0’’, Caroline M. Yoachim (Lightspeed)

Bradbury Award

Arrival, Directed by Denis Villeneuve, Screenplay by Eric Heisserer, 21 Laps Entertainment/FilmNation Entertainment/Lava Bear Films/Xenolinguistics
Doctor Strange, Directed by Scott Derrickson, Screenplay by Scott Derrickson & C. Robert Cargill, Marvel Studios/Walt Disney Studio Motion Pictures
Kubo and the Two Strings, Directed by Travis Knight, Screenplay by Mark Haimes & Chris Butler; Laika Entertainment
Rogue One: A Star Wars Story, Directed by Gareth Edwards, Written by Chris Weitz & Tony Gilroy; Lucusfilm/ Walt Disney Studio Motion Pictures
Westworld: ‘‘The Bicameral Mind’’, Directed by Jonathan Nolan, Written by Lisa Joy & Jonathan Nolan; HBO
Zootopia, Directed by Byron Howard, Rich Moore, & Jared Bush, Screenplay by Jared Bush & Phil Johnston; Walt Disney Pictures/Walt Disney Animation Studios

Norton

The Girl Who Drank the Moon, Kelly Barnhill (Algonquin Young Readers)
The Star-Touched Queen, Roshani Chokshi (St. Martin’s)
The Lie Tree, Frances Hardinge (Macmillan UK; Abrams)
Arabella of Mars, David D. Levine (Tor)
Railhead, Philip Reeve (Oxford University Press; Switch)
Rocks Fall, Everyone Dies, Lindsay Ribar (Kathy Dawson Books)
The Evil Wizard Smallbone, Delia Sherman (Candlewick)

 

Effing Feline is a toasted marshmallow

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Fart-Fueled Flying Feline, Effing for short, writes the Weekend Writing Warrior / Sunday Snippet posts on Mr. V’s behalf. Click the pic for info.

[image error]I, Effing Feline, fear that I may have given my gentle readers the idea I’m mean, ill tempered, narcissistic, and cantankerous. A devil cat, so to speak.

Nothing could be more wrong! Truly, I am sweet, lovable, purrfect, a veritable saint of a cat. I never scratch, or pee outside the box, or speak ill of anyone or anything. Not even Twiggles the Dog. (Well, maybe sometimes.)

Now that we’ve cleared that up, another selection from The Trial of Tompa Lee by my pet human Ed, aka Mr Valentine. Last week Tompa conned a guy into getting her into the briefing about her first ever shore leave on an alien planet. After the briefing, sailors chose small groups for the trip.

But Tompa is a low-class street meat, subject to the fierce prejudice against her kind. No one wants her in their group. Finally the boss of her work team approaches her — though only at the behest of policeman Dante Roussel (who will become the book’s hero to Tompa’s heroine).  Her boss, Paolo McShallin, speaks first:

“Shore leave on an alien planet requires teamwork, Ship’s Ward, and despite your admirable willingness to learn, you’re a hardened loner. I’m asking you to join our group only because Associate Vice President Roussel insists.”

“So …  the head of Military Discipline picked the strictest bunch of holy howlers he could find to make sure I behave?”

McShallin gave a brief smile. “As I’ve stated in my reports, your native intelligence is keen.”

 But you’re a lousy team player. The whole flickin’ Navy was one big team, standing up for each other, protecting each other. How the ratshit was she supposed to make full Navy with crap like that on her record? Pretending to think, Tompa hugged her arms over her chest and turned away until she was sure no tears shone in her eyes. “No matter what, I want to see the aliens, so I’ll go with you.”

Effing Feline here again. Tompa’s kinda like me. Fierce and crusty on the outside, but all gooey and vulnerable on the inside. Truly, I would never hurt even a fly. (Unless it had walked through spaghetti sauce. Or gravy. Or icing from a birthday cake. Then, yum!)

Be sure to visit the other Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday posts.

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The Trial of Tompa Lee
Only her enemies can save her from alien injustice

Tompa Lee thinks joining the Space Navy is her dream come true, but it turns into a nightmare when she’s framed for murder on an alien planet. To prove her innocence, she’ll have to learn to trust the hated policeman who betrayed her to cruel alien justice — and defeat 300 aliens who want to slaughter her.

If you enjoy cheering for lowly underdogs facing awe-inspiring odds, you’ll love The Trial of Tompa Lee.

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I designed this cover myself, so feel free to give me your feedback on it.

The Trial of Tompa Lee is currently free, so this is a great time to make it your own:

Amazon  |  Canada  |  UK  |  Australia
Apple iBooks
Smashwords
Barnes and Noble
Kobo Books

Mr Valentine wishes you happy Valentine’s Day

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The book that gave Mr. V his nickname was a Rita Award Finalist.

You’ve all seen those hunky heroes on the covers of romance novels. Washboard abs. Handsome as hell. Allergic to wearing shirts.

That is not me.

And yet,  in a way, I’m a real live Harlequin hero.  For I inspired the hero in a romance novel.  Truth, I swear.

It happened twenty years ago when I was in a writer’s group with Vicki Lewis Thompson, who has written over a hundred romance novels. Another member of the group and I were kidding around about writing contests and about me being a male romance writer, when all of a sudden Vicki went still and her expression became very intent. Inspiration had sprouted in her fertile imagination.

The resulting Harlequin Temptation, Mr. Valentine, stars Jack Killigan, who submits a steamy romance to a contest–but, figuring a man would be at a disadvantage, submits it under the name of his friend, Krysta. He wins the contest, he and Krysta are thrown together on a trip to the New York publisher. After a string of mishaps, the truth comes out and he is crowned ‘Mr. Valentine.’ Oh, and he gets Krysta, too.

[image error]It’s a great book, in my (ahem) humble opinion. Vicki thought so too, as you can see at the end of this article. I love the book’s tagline: He’s the perfect lover–on paper.

And the hero is to die for. As one Amazon reviewer described me — uh, I mean Jack:

The real gem I think for this story is just with knowing that Jack ISN’T your typical romance hero who is a “He-Man” or that he’s incredibly rich and successful, as so many romance hero are. He’s just not that “dashing prince” or the “rough cowboy” or the “cut Fabio-esque historical man ” but that he’s “that guy” you know from down the street who seems like a pretty nice guy, and once he had a shave and a haircut, well, he cleaned up pretty doggone good!

That sounds sorta like me, all right. Not even a great writer like Vicki could portray me as a he-man, though I do look a tiny bit like the guy on the cover. Okay, looked, past tense. Except I wear shirts.

So call me Mr. Valentine. And buy Mr. Valentine. Heck, buy all of Vicki’s books. You’ll thank me for the suggestion!

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My science fiction romance, Alien Contact for Idiots, is available for free during the Valentine’s cross promotion, ending today.

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And my science fiction novel, The Trial of Tompa Lee, is available during the Anti-Valentine’s promotion, which starts today.

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Effing Feline Protests

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Fart-Fueled Flying Feline, Effing for short, writes the Weekend Writing Warrior / Sunday Snippet posts on Mr. V’s behalf. Click the pic for info.

I, Effing Feline, protest! I hate the way humans use words for cats in degrading and humiliating ways. A slut is someone with the morals of an alley cat. A coward is a scaredy cat.  This is insulting and I won’t put up with it.  That rumbling noise you hear is not a purr.  It’s a growl.

Last week, I introduced you to The Trial of Tompa Lee by my pet human Ed, aka Mr Valentine. Civilians like Tompa can buy lottery tickets to fly the stars as Ship’s Wards for a year.  It is, after all, the Commerce Space Navy.  Very few Ship’s Wards are good enough to make full Navy — but Tompa is determined, even though she’s a lowly street meat.

Sailors detest street meats, so she’s deliberately locked out of a briefing about her first-ever shore leave on an alien planet.  In today’s snippet (edited from the released version), she approaches a fellow Ship’s Ward, Jim Zhang, hoping he’ll force open the briefing room door for her. He speaks first:

“As soon as we get back to Earth, I’m getting kicked out of the Ship’s Ward program, but it’s not my fault. I figured you must be a hooker, because Navy lottery tickets are expensive and rumor says you bought a hundred of them. And anyway, when I grabbed you, it was foreplay; chicks always say they want foreplay, but when you do it, whammo, they slap you.”

She hadn’t slapped him, she’d broken his arm.

“Seriously, do I look like the kind of guy who has to force women into bed?”  Zhang sucked in his belly and glared heroically, probably expecting her to snarl like an animal, the way street meats did in shows — and she was tempted.

But she knew his type, all balls, no brains, so she smiled, instead. “Sorry about that, Jim.” As though scratching, she ran a hand sensuously down her inner thigh, just to remind him she was female. Sure enough, he was such a poco brain that within seconds he was grinning.

Effing Feline here again. Mr V was tempted to change this phrase: When I grabbed you, it was foreplay, making it: When I grabbed you by the pussy, it was foreplay.

Don’t worry, I convinced him never to use such disrespectful language: I scratched his hand. To the doghouse (feline equivalent of hell) with non-violent protests!

Be sure to visit the other Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday posts.

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The Trial of Tompa Lee
Only her enemies can save her from alien injustice

Praise for The Trial of Tompa Lee:

[image error] “Ed Hoornaert is a marvelous writer: a terrific, engrossing storyteller and a consummate stylist.”  — Robert J. Sawyer, Hugo and Nebula award-winning author
“Reminiscent of the best of classic Star Trek.”  TheBestReviews.com
“Hold a tissue ready, as Mr. Hoornaert knows how to squeeze the heart of the reader.” — Love Romances
“Tompa Lee is an attractive, ambitious vagabond.” — Arizona Daily Star
“Classic science fiction, but with enough character development to interest non-science fiction readers.” — Romance Reviews Today



The Trial of Tompa Lee is currently free, so this is a great time to make it your own:

Amazon  |  Canada  |  UK  |  Australia
Apple iBooks
Smashwords
Barnes and Noble
Kobo Books

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And finally, Alien Contact for Idiots is free during the Valentine’s Romance cross promotion. Maybe you’ll win the Kindle Fire giveaway.

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Think your glasses need cleaning?

Nope, your glasses are fine. As you may have noticed, this blog has a new header image with two changes:

First, the cover for Newborn, released in November, belatedly appears along with the covers of my other books.

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Second, the cover for The Tribulations of Tompa Lee, book two in The Trilogy of Tompa Lee, has been blurred out.  Keep your eyes peeled and glasses cleaned for a brand new cover, coming soon.

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Finally, you heard it here first: Alien Contact for Idiots is free during the Valentine’s Romance cross promotion.

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