Edward Hoornaert's Blog, page 64
November 3, 2016
Effing Feline has superpowers (Dec 4)
Fart-Fueled Flying Feline, Effing for short, writes the Weekend Writing Warrior / Sunday Snippet posts on Mr. V’s behalf. Click the pic for info.
I, Effing Feline, have a lot in common with Jo Beaverpaw, the heroine of Newborn, Mr V’s newest science fiction romance. You see, although Jo is injured and spends the first half of the book recuperating, she heals superfast. Not only that, she has superpowers that slowly emerge as she heals.
As a member of the superior race (felines), I identify with superpowers!
In this snippet, Darby Lapierre learns firsthand how incredibly well coordinated she is. Two days before, he’d shown her how to play darts, and beaten her thoroughly. She practices alone and then challenges him to a rematch.
A few minutes later, when I hit twenty to win the game — without missing a single shot — he was only on eight. “I should’ve bet a kiss on the outcome of the game,” I said.
“I’ll never bet against you, Jo.” He shook his head slowly, and his voice echoed none of my playfulness. “How did you do that?”
“I told you, I’ve been practicing.”
He walked to the board, pulled out the darts, and paused, facing away. “No one…” He shook his head. “No, let me rephrase this: no human being could possibly become perfect after only a few days’ practice.”
Effing Feline here again. My superpower is eating. My other superpower is sleeping. I’m an unchallenged champion at both!
Be sure to visit the other Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday posts.
Newborn
She was born to kill
Jo Beaverpaw is born fully grown, well-armed, and impatient to tackle her Destiny … which is to kill her alien nation’s most wanted fugitive. Her life is pre-programmed and straightforward – until she meets the sexy bodyguard of her intended target.
Newborn is the third exciting book in Edward Hoornaert’s near-future romance series, Alien Contact for Idiots. If you’re intrigued by the idea that the Schwarzenegger-assassin in the original Terminator could have been a bad-assed (yet petite) female, don’t miss Newborn.
Find Newborn at:
Amazon
Barnes and Noble
Apple iTunes
Kobo Books
Smashwords
Alien Contact for Idiots, the first book in the series that includes Newborn, is free during this month’s sci fi and fantasy cross promotion. Check it out — and the other great books, as well.
October 29, 2016
Effing Feline heads home
Fart-Fueled Flying Feline, Effing for short, writes the Weekend Writing Warrior / Sunday Snippet posts on Mr. V’s behalf. Click the pic for info.
I, Effing Feline, am returning home. None too soon for poor Mr V. In separate incidents, he wrenched his shoulder, whacked his head, picked up a debilitating virus, and then fell heavily. I think Amsterdam hates him.
Another excerpt today from Newborn, Mr V’s upcoming science fiction romance. Jo Beaverpaw was born alone in a forest moments, fully grown, well armed, and eager to kill her alien nation’s most wanted fugitive — and ignorant of many things. Such as who and what she is.
While recovering from a serious fall, Jo meets Darby, whom we met last week, and Dr. Rebecca Hentzle (Hen) the feisty octogenarian who owns the small wilderness hospital that houses both Jo and her target. This snippet edited from the released version.
Dr. Hentzle leaned forward to study me. “Greensticks occur when a bone bends and cracks like a green twig, instead of snapping into separate pieces like a dry twig, but bones harden over the years, so adult bones break completely. How can a woman who looks to be thirty have soft bones?” Hen lifted my unsplinted arm in a grip far stronger than she looked capable of. “Yesterday this arm was black and blue up to your elbow, but look at it now.
“I’m sorry if this next question insults you…no, actually I’m not sorry, because I’m really curious and I’m too darned old to apologize. And I’m your doctor, so you have to answer me truthfully.”
She narrowed her eyes and edged so close I could smell her lunch—some kind of sausage with onions—and something else, too. Old age; a waiting-to-die kind of smell.
“What,” she said in a voice like a battering ram, “are you?”
Not who—what.
Effing Feline here again. I get this question a lot. I always answer, “a grey tabby.” But poor Jo already has doubts about whether she’s human . . . not that she should worry about such an unimportant thing.
Be sure to visit the other Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday posts.
P.S. Since Sundays a travel day, Mr. V will be late getting to your posts. But he’ll get there!
Newborn
She was born to kill
Jo Beaverpaw is born fully grown, well-armed, and impatient to tackle her Destiny … which is to kill her alien nation’s most wanted fugitive. Her life is pre-programmed and straightforward – until she meets the sexy bodyguard of her intended target.
Newborn is the 3rd exciting book in Edward Hoornaert’s near-future romance series, Alien Contact for Idiots. If you The Terminator would’ve been better starring a bad-assed (yet petite) female, don’t miss Newborn.
< < === > >
Newborn will be released November 4, and for a limited time, it’s available for pre-order at the special introductory price of just 99c. This low price won’t last long, so pre-order Newborn now.
Amazon
Barnes and Noble
Apple iTunes
Kobo Books
Smashwords
October 22, 2016
Effing Feline dislikes travel
Fart-Fueled Flying Feline, Effing for short, writes the Weekend Writing Warrior / Sunday Snippet posts on Mr. V’s behalf
I, Effing Feline, am dizzy with travel. After spending a week in Toronto we flew to London and from London to Amsterdam. On the plane, my pet human, Ed Hoornaert (alias Mr Valentine) opened his computer so I got to see what flying was like.
A canal in Bruges. All that water — yuck!
And now we’re in Bruges, Belgium. We spent hours inside a rattling tin can and then a train for this? From a cat’s POV, apartments here are just like houses in Arizona (from the inside, at least; it’s rained a lot so I haven’t gone outside). Sure, this B&B is older, but so what? Travel has nothing to offer a cat. Nothing at all.
Another excerpt today from Newborn, Mr V’s upcoming science fiction romance. Our heroine has been programmed to kill her alien nation’s number one fugitive and then commit suicide. But when an injury keeps her from fulfilling her Destiny immediately, she discovers another deep-seated need — to discover whether she is, indeed, human.
“Will you teach me about the world?” I repeated. Darby’s hand rested on the bedside table; I covered it with my own and said, “Please?”
He stared at our joined hands and then pulled his away. “No funny business, eh?”
“I don’t know any jokes.”
He laughed as though I’d just made one. “I’m sure as strawberry poutine not the best person for the job, but…okay, I’ll try to teach you the ways of my world, as long as it doesn’t interfere with my other duties.”
His duties. Guilt slithered over me. My duty was to kill Squitt; his was to keep me from killing Squitt.
Effing Feline heads back to Amsterdam on Sunday and then Paris on Tuesday. Appelez-moi un chat du monde !
Be sure to visit the other Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday posts.
Newborn
She was born to kill
Jo Beaverpaw is born fully grown, well-armed, and impatient to tackle her Destiny … which is to kill her alien nation’s most wanted fugitive. Her life is pre-programmed and straightforward – until she meets the sexy bodyguard of her intended target.
Newborn is the third exciting book in Edward Hoornaert’s near-future romance series, Alien Contact for Idiots. If you agree that The Terminator should’ve starred a bad-assed (yet petite) female, don’t miss Newborn.
< < === > >
Newborn will be released November 4, and for a limited time, it’s available for pre-order at the special introductory price of just 99c. This low price won’t last long, so pre-order Newborn now.
Amazon
Barnes and Noble
Apple iTunes
Kobo Books
Smashwords
October 15, 2016
Effing Feline freezes his furballs off
Fart-Fueled Flying Feline, Effing for short, writes the Weekend Writing Warrior / Sunday Snippet posts on Mr. V’s behalf
I, Effing Feline, am in Toronto, where it’s cold. Mr Valentine’s son says it isn’t cold yet — up to 72 degrees Fahrenheit one day — but I’m a Southern Arizona cat, and anything under 90 is cold!
Another excerpt today from Newborn, Mr V’s upcoming science fiction romance. Jo Beaverpaw was born alone in a forest moments before this excerpt, fully grown and well armed and ignorant of many things. Including propriety.
Jo’s ignorance and her compulsion led to her falling down a mountainside, resulting a concussion and broken legs. She has just awakened in the remote private hospital where her target is also recovering. Her body’s special enhancements enable her to withstand massive pain.
Keeping watch outside her room is the story’s hero, Darby Lapierre, the bodyguard assigned to protect the woman Jo is programmed to kill.
“Mary—that’s one of Hen’s nurses—washed and ironed your clothes,” Darby said. “She put them in the hall closet so she wouldn’t wake you.”
I stood carefully, determined to show no pain. If I moved slowly enough, pain and dizziness merely growled instead of baring fangs and lunging at my throat.
Darby looked at me in wonder. Creases wrinkled the corners of his mouth as he smiled. How could an enemy have a face so appealing that my belly — though not my brain — felt warm and trusting?
I turned, slowly of course, toward where he’d pointed.
“Uh, Josette . . . your hospital gown is open at the back.”
That observation didn’t seem to require a response, so I said and did nothing.
Effing Feline here again. I do NOT understand the point of this scene. My rear is always exposed. Who cares?
Be sure to visit the other Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday posts.
She was born to kill
Jo Beaverpaw is born fully grown, well-armed, and impatient to tackle her Destiny … to kill her alien nation’s most wanted fugitive. Her life is pre-programmed and straightforward – until she meets the sexy bodyguard of her intended target.
Newborn is the third exciting book in Edward Hoornaert’s near-future romance series, Alien Contact for Idiots. If you agree that The Terminator should’ve starred a bad-assed (yet petite) female, don’t miss Newborn.
< < === > >
For a limited time, Newborn is available for pre-order at the special introductory price of just 99c. This low price won’t last long, so pre-order Newborn now.
Amazon
Barnes and Noble
Apple iTunes
Kobo Books
Smashwords
There ARE cats in Toronto
Effing Feline reporting from Toronto, where my pet human, Ed Hoornaert, has brought me inside his computer.
Lying little Twiggles — the liar!
Before we left home, Twiggles the dog tried to scare me by saying that the only pets allowed in Canada were wolves, killer whales, and cateaters, which Twiggles claimed were like yuge anteaters. She had me almost afraid to go.
But she lied to me, the dirty dog: there are cats in Toronto. I’ve seen them in windows and even scurrying along the street. And Mr V (Ed’s nickname is Mr Valentine) assures me there’s no such thing as a cateater.
So don’t believe anything Twiggles says. No, I take that back. Don’t believe anything that ANY dog says.
As proof of Torontonians wisdom vis a vis cats, I present the following picture, taken in a shop in Kensington Market. Take that, Twiggles!
October 8, 2016
Effing Feline is leaving!
Fart-Fueled Flying Feline, Effing for short, writes the Weekend Writing Warrior / Sunday Snippet posts on Mr. V’s behalf
I, Effing Feline, am leaving. I mean it!
My pet human, Ed, is soon flying to visit two of his sons — and he’s taking me along. We’re flying first to Toronto, in some place called Canada, and then Amsterdam in The Netherlands. He says that since I can travel inside his computer, I won’t be too much bother. Little does he know, eh?
This snippet from Newborn skips back to chapter 2 (long before last week’s snippet). At the beginning of the book, the heroine is born in a Vancouver Island forest, fully grown and well armed — with a compulsion to kill her alien nation’s most wanted fugitive. She knows where to find her target and how to use her weapons, but little else. Not even her own name.
Nameless heroine hikes along a wilderness mountain until she overlooks the private hospital where her target is recovering from gunshot wounds. There she stops and gazes down.
Compulsion yanked at me on a frenzied leash, urging me down. I was supposed to fulfill my Destiny immediately! My little detours—hugging trees, drinking water, playing games—now felt like sins. They’d delayed me by at least fifteen minutes, which was inexcusable, even heinous. Shame flooded my neck with a blush. I had to act now.
Right now now now.
But how? The mountain was steep and treacherous. I should’ve searched for the safest way down, but the nearness of Destiny poured the spice of impulsiveness into my veins. Surely a woman strong of body and pure of heart could surmount whatever obstacles dared stand in her path.
Effing Feline here again, and I’m worried. Do you think Toronto and Amsterdam have cats? Twiggles the dog says the only pets allowed there are wolves, killer whales, and cateaters, which Twiggles says are related to anteaters. I’m not sure I want to go.
Be sure to visit the other Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday posts.
And check out the cover reveal that dissects the elements of Newborn’s front page.
Newborn Now Available for Pre-Order
Jo Beaverpaw is born fully grown, well-armed, and impatient to tackle her Destiny: to kill her alien nation’s most wanted fugitive. Her life is pre-programmed and straightforward – until she meets the sexy bodyguard of her intended target.
Newborn is the third exciting book in Edward Hoornaert’s near-future romance series, Alien Contact for Idiots. If you agree with me that The Terminator should’ve starred a bad-assed yet petite female, don’t miss Newborn.
< < === > >
For a limited time, Newborn is available for pre-order at the special introductory price of just 99c. This low price won’t last long, so order Newborn now.
Amazon
Barnes and Noble
Apple iTunes
Kobo Books
Smashwords
October 7, 2016
Grammar is credibility. (So is spelling!)
“Grammar is credibility. If you’re not taking care of the small things, people assume you’re not taking care of the big things.”
Amanda Sturgill (Associate Prof of Communications at Elon University)
Right on, Dr. Sturgill! Every independent author should post this quotation above their desks.
At this year’s RWA conference, I received a copy of a book by an indie author. In reading the blurb on the back cover, I discovered that the author thinks that ellipses (…) have just two periods (..) not three. Sigh.
Do you think I bothered to open the book? Hah to that!
The book’s back cover also had a spelling mistake, as well. I would add that for independent authors …
Spelling is credibility, too!
Read this totally unscientific yet revealing poll of what readers hate about books.
October 6, 2016
Dissecting a Book Cover (SFR Brigade Showcase)
A New Born Book
I have a new science fiction romance coming available around the end of October, and I’m particularly happy with it. I enjoy stories with action and the stirrings of love and, especially, with characters who have psychological depth.
Before you scream in horror at the thought of a boring literary character study, my main character, Jo Beaverpaw, is a Native American super-heroine in the making. She’s similar to Schwartzenegger’s character in The Terminator: an assassin from the future with superior speed, coordination, and healing power.
There’s one tiny difference. Jo is a petite female who knows how to kill but yearns to learn how to love and become human.
Dissecting Newborn’s Cover, Part One
Before showing you the full cover, I’m going to highlight certain features. Here’s the first element:
The book’s title, Newborn, is set against a science-fictiony background. Although it’s a standalone book, this is the third tome set in my near-future Alien Contact for Idiots universe. The others are Alien Contact for Idiots and Alien Contact for Kid Sisters. Both use the sunrise over Earth graphic, so the cover hints that Newborn is part of the series.
Dissecting Newborn’s Cover, Part Two
A small element on the cover hints at something important about the book.
At left is a Northwest Coast Indian representation of a salmon leaping upstream. Jo Beaverpaw’s people are Native Americans from an alternate reality who’ve used advanced technology to settle on our Earth.
I’d be wary of using a real Kwakiutl as a main character, but I’m familiar enough with the tribe to make a semi-intelligent guess what they might be like in the alternate history I constructed.
In Newborn, I also explore the effect on our reality’s downtrodden natives when their relatives are suddenly the most advanced people on Earth. I had fun with that!
Dissecting Newborn’s Cover, Part Three
The main cover element shows Jo curled in a fetal position inside a cosmic egg. Jo is born in a forest clearing fully grown, well-armed, and eager to tackle her Destiny — to kill her alien nation’s most-wanted fugitive.
That’s a tricky theme to capture in an image, but cover artist Danielle Fine did a superb job.
Cover Reveal
Finally, here is the complete cover.
Interested in reviewing an advanced release copy of Newborn?
[contact-form]
SFR Brigade Showcase Participants:
Be sure to check out the other great writers taking part in the SFR Brigade Showcase.
1.
Veronica Scott
4.
Siren Allen
2.
Liza O’Connor
5.
C.E. Kilgore
3.
Jolie Mason
6.
Sela Carsen
October 1, 2016
Effing Feline teases a dog
Fart-Fueled Flying Feline, Effing for short, writes the Weekend Writing Warrior / Sunday Snippet posts on Mr. V’s behalf
I, Effing Feline, have been enjoying a cartoon that my pet human, Ed Hoornaert, reads daily — Garfield. The intrepid puss teases Odie, a dumb dog. It’s encouraged me to tease Mr V’s dog, Twiggles, about her lack of a tail. A tailless dog — ridiculous!
Want the truth, though? I’m jealous.
You see, Twiggles appears in Newborn, Mr V’s upcoming science fiction romance. Why aren’t I in the book? Grumble, grumble.
Jo Beaverpaw is born fully grown and well armed, with a compulsion to kill her alien nation’s most wanted fugitive. Today I’m skipping ahead to the middle of the book. Our assassin heroine is recuperating from a fall in the same remote hospital as her target, named Squitt. But Squitt is guarded by Darby Lapierre . . . handsome, sexy Darby, whom Jo is falling for.
To avoid him, Jo climbs onto the roof at night, intending to sneak over to Squitt’s room. But the &^%!@ dog causes problems, as dogs often do.
“Arf,” the dog yapped unhelpfully, “arf arf arf!”
Accustomed now to the dark, I made out a dim animal shape in the center courtyard, dashing from left to right and back, making an unholy racket. Twiggles was pretending to be a brave watchdog, bark bark bark, and I could do nothing about the noise. Soon lights would pierce the darkness. People would shout. Darby would find me—a wet, pathetic failure crouching for dear life on the roof.
“Shh,” I whispered to the dog. “It’s me, your friend. Are you barking because I said your breath stinks? I apologize.”
Effing Feline here again. This scene captures the essence of dogs. They’re noisy nuisances!
Be sure to visit the other Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday posts.
Newborn
She was born to kill
Jo Beaverpaw is born fully grown, well-armed, and impatient to tackle her Destiny … which is to kill her alien nation’s most wanted fugitive. Her life is pre-programmed and straightforward – until she meets the sexy bodyguard of her intended target.
Newborn is the third exciting book in Edward Hoornaert’s near-future romance series, Alien Contact for Idiots. If you agree that The Terminator should’ve starred a bad-assed yet petite female, don’t miss Newborn.
The Trial of Tompa Lee, Mr V’s biggest selling science fiction novel, is free this weekend!
September 29, 2016
My Royal Command Performance
The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, Prince William and Catherine have been touring Canada. While reading about the tour, I learned that they visited Carcross, in the Yukon.
Carcross (Photo by Yukon Information Bureau)
I daresay none of you had heard of Carcross before the royal tour. There’s no reason you should have. The settlement is home to fewer than 500 people, and it’s inaccessible as hell. Prior to the royal tour, its sole claim to fame is that it’s the eastern terminus of the Yukon and White Pass railway … which most of you have never heard of, either.
But many years ago my wife and I once applied for teaching jobs in Carcross, so I had at least heard of it. We didn’t get the jobs and I never went near the place.
So then why am I bothering to tell you this? Because it reminded me of a previous royal tour in which I played (literally) a minor part.
The band shell on a quiet summer evening
In May, 1986, Prince Charles and Princess Diana came to Kamloops as part of an eight-day tour of British Columbia. At that time, I was principal oboist of the Kamloops Symphony Orchestra. We were part of the entertainment, and performed in the Riverside Park band shell. (I’ve been known to facetiously call this my ‘royal command performance’.)
At one point, the prince and princess set up in front of the orchestra for a reception line. Although a great many people were standing and milling about, I got a pretty good look at the royal couple from perhaps fifty feet away. I was busy playing at the time, so I couldn’t sit and stare, unfortunately. The main thing I remember is that Princess Diana appeared to be as tall or taller than Prince Charles.
The prince and princess in Kelowna during the 1986 royal tour. (CP Photo/Ron Poling.)
That is the full extent of my brushes with royalty. It wasn’t much, but it nonetheless makes a nice memory. Thanks, Carcross, for bringing it to mind.
