Lynn C. Tolson's Blog: Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor's Story by Lynn C. Tolson, blog, page 17

Tolson 4 TEARS Talks About Trauma & Relationships

Michele Rosenthal hosted a discussion with me Lynn C. Tolson about how trauma affects relationships. Ms. Rosenthal is an expert on PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) recovery. She says, "The effects of trauma run deep — all the way into your relationships with yourself and your loved ones, friends and colleagues. How do you handle that? How can you repair damages done? This will be the first in a series of February 2012 shows tackling the topic of survivors and relationships." Click here for the link to the conversation:



Lynn says that we cannot engage in healthy relationships when we continue to perceive ourselves as a victim. This will only lead to circumstances that perpetuate the victim role. Instead, we can cultivate the qualities of self-esteem, self-acceptance, and self-love. When we develop self-awareness, we will attract appropriate people into our lives. Self-awareness allows us to be conscious of our feelings. The better able we are to determine our own emotions, the better able we will be to discern the motives of others, eliminate toxic relationships, and reap rewards of healthy relationships. (See post about feelings.) You can follow Lynn on Twitter @lynntolson (I tell the full story of trauma and recovery in Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor's Story ).



Visit Michele at her extensive web site for all education and enlightenment about PTSD.


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Michele Rosenthal & Baylee
She is writing a book about her own personal trauma and recovery titled "Before the World Intruded: Conquering the Past and Creating the Future." You can follow the progress of its publication on Twitter @micheletrauma

Tolson 4 TEARS Talks 2 Dreamcatchers 4 Abused Children

Hosts Patricia Mcknight and Tracey Murphy talked with author Lynn C. Tolson  about surviving and thriving after trauma. (click the links to visit their Facebook profiles). The blog talk radio show is called Survivors Speak Out and the discussion was about surviving and thriving.

Dreamcatchers for Abused Children states: 



"OUR MISSION: is to educate the public on all aspects of child abuse such as symptoms, intervention, prevention, statistics, reporting, and helping victims locate the proper resources necessary to achieve a full recovery. We also cover areas such as bullying, teen suicide & prevention, children's rights, child trafficking, missing & exploited children, online safety, and pedophiles/sex offenders."





"OUR GOAL: is to lower child abuse statistics by educating the public on every aspect of child abuse through successful campaigns that provide educational materials & literature concerning child abuse & neglect, treatment for recovery, coping skills, family and peer support, prevention, communication skills and empowerment to families, victims and survivors."





You can find a collection of books written by Sandra Dawn Potter, Donna M. Kshir, and Phillip Potter, at Lulu



[image error] Patricia Mcknight is the author of My Justice 









Listen to internet radio with Dreamcatchers on Blog Talk Radio

Tolson 4 TEARS Cheers "About Doing More"

While I was writing Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor's Story , I felt alone and lonely. At age 43, a series of nightmares, flashbacks, and a deepening depression caused me to seek another round of therapy. I started putting pen to paper in journal writing sessions. Themes emerged regarding the impact of my childhood sexual abuse, adolescent drug addiction, and subsequent suicide attempts. There were plenty of books about the research of these experiences, but few real stories of recovery. By using the journal to write about the problems and solutions discussed in my counseling sessions, a story of transformation emerged. Journal writing was a cathartic experience, and the book evolved with the courage to face my fears, with compassion for myself and others, and a conviction to tell the truth. My desire to share a message of healing from trauma became too strong to ignore; sharing my story became a mission. I hope that my book promotes understanding of the issues that cause individual suffering and plague our society. 



Now, I no longer feel alone because there is a community of authors who have dared to share their real stories of recovery. Some of these brave writers are gathering at the About Doing More Summit April 20-21, 2012, in Albuquerque, NM



The About Doing More Summit, developed by Hank Estrada, "is designed to offer a variety of thoughtful presentations and discussions by accomplished authors, who will share their healing journeys, discuss experiences of overcoming abuse memories and triggers.  The focus for the entire conference will be to explore what positive things contribute to healthier thinking, emotional healing, how to ask for support, as well as ways to improve self-worth. The summit will be an exceptional opportunity and gathering of published survivor/authors, advocates and supporters interested in the exchange, encouragement, and recognition of healing journeys from abuse, violence and trauma." Hank Estrada, author of UnHoly Communion: Lessons Learned from Life Among Pedophiles, Predators and Priests will serve as the summit host, mc, and panel moderator. Find Hank Estrada on Facebook and Twitter.




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Hank Estrada
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Tolson 4 TEARS Reviews "Invisible Girls: The Truth About Sexual Abuse"

Invisible Girls: The Truth About Sexual Abuse. A Book for Teen Girls, Young Women, and Everyone Who Cares About Them by Dr. Pattie Feurereisen with Caroline Pincus.Dr. Patti Feuereisen is a psychotherapist in New York City who has worked with young survivors of sexual assault for twenty-five years. Her co-writer, Caroline Pincus, is an editor. The collaboration resulted in a book that offers a well-written examination of the trauma of sexual abuse, its painful ramifications, and the healing journey.The book opens with the authors' explanation of the Greek myth of "Pandora's Box." According to legend, Pandora received special gifts from the gods, including a box that she was told not to open. Feurereisen writes, "...in defiance of the patriarchy, she opened the box." When she opened the box, "out spilled all the misfortunes of the world." This sets an undertone of the entire book: the recognition that patriarchy fosters oppression of women, thereby perpetuating sexual assault upon young girls in our male dominated society. However, the authors do not make social commentary. They allow the survivors to tell their stories, thereby endorsing the fact that Pandora would rather know the truth (of what was in the box), reveal it, and release the trauma. By writing a book for young women, the authors hope that the pain of abuse is released early, thus allowing healing to start sooner. The book is divided into four parts. Part One defines sexual abuse and its affects. Part Two tells survivors' stories of how girls got through the actual experience of being abused, such as by "disassociation." In Part Three, several survivors tell stories of father-daughter incest, sibling sexual abuse, abuse by those in authority positions, and acquaintance/date rape (it's an epidemic). Part Four explains different paths to healing, and encourages victims to seek support. Dr. Patti uses questions from the web site she founded, Girl Thrive, which is a resource for sexual abuse survivors. She answers specifics in "Invisible Girls" such as "Should You Confront Your Abuser" and "Should You Forgive Your Abuser." The authors also offer an extensive resource section.Throughout the book, the authors emphasize to readers that victims are not alone, the abuse was not their fault, and "the best way to heal from sexual abuse is to talk about it." To tell the story is to be seen, heard, and validated, and therefore no longer invisible. The authors delve thoroughly into the box that is filled with the ills of sexual abuse that plague our society. The result is a book that understands victims' needs, thereby giving hope for healing.





You can visit the Facebook page.

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(review completed by Lynn C. Tolson, author of Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor's Story)

Tolson 4 TEARS Reviews "The Healing Path"

The Healing Path: How the Hurts in Your Past Can Lead You to a More Abundant Life by Dan Allender, Ph.DDr. Dan Allender is a minister, therapist, and professor. He writes books designed for Christian living, as well as for personal and spiritual growth. His premise is that we cannot erase the past, alleviate our pain, or resolve betrayal. Instead, he presumes that abuse victims can find a deep purpose and a relationship with God. Allender says that we have "the capacity to savor greater joy in spite of inevitable sorrow." The Healing Path has four parts: Suffering as a sacred journey; Exposing the intentions of evil; The allure of redemption; and Embracing redemptive relationships. Within these parts are concepts of growing in faith, hope, and love in the aftermath of losses from abuse. How does a victim recover from betrayal to ultimately live a "radical life" that is meant for the deeper purposes of God? Allender attempts to examine these complex concepts so that victims can apply them to their individual lives, and ultimately be "more like Jesus." This religious exploration is not for everyone.A topic of the book is that each one of us has a unique calling. Allender encourages readers to "use our stories to tell the story of God." This may be difficult when a victim is descending into denial and depression. This is not a self-help or how-to book but a contemplation of ideas that are profound and promising if Christianity is important to your healing path.

Review completed by Lynn C. Tolson, author of Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor's Story

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Tolson 4 TEARS Reviews "The Wounded Heart WORKBOOK"

The Wounded Heart Workbook: Hope for Adult Victims of Childhood Sexual Abuse (A Companion Workbook for Personal or Group Use) by Dan Allender, Ph.DThis is a workbook designed to compliment The Wounded Heart: Hope for Adult Victims of Childhood Sexual Abuse. Dr. Dan Allender, a therapist, minister, and professor, wrote this workbook to help victims of sexual abuse gain a sense of mastery over their feelings. The workbook corresponds with the concepts in the main book, helping the readers to delve even more deeply into their emotions. As he notes in chapter one, there are basic assumptions when engaging in this work: "that your ultimate goal is love, no pain relief." This is not an easy task. Allender offers suggestions for using the workbook, including a reminder for the reader to go through it at his/her own pace.As with the main text, the theme of the book presumes the reader's belief in God. It may be of benefit to a victim to determine his/her feelings about God in the aftermath of abuse. Allender is clear: "For the Christian, hope begins by recognizing the utter hopelessness of our condition and the necessity of divine intervention, if we are to experience true joy." It's the reader's choice to embrace a religious notion of growth, or not.If a survivor chooses to explore this workbook with an understanding that God is a part of the process of healing, then he/she may find Dr. Allender's suggestions for personal and spiritual growth to be valuable. The work toward self-knowledge is difficult, and it is suggested that it be done in a specialized group and/or therapy. The arduous work is also worthwhile, especially when taking back the power that was stolen by the abuser.





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Review completed by Lynn C. Tolson, author of Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor's Story

Tolson 4 TEARS Reviews "The Wounded Heart"

The Wounded Heart: Hope for Adult Victims of Childhood Sexual Abuse by Dan Allender, Ph.D, attempts to answer the question of what we should do about our inevitable pain. The forward (by Dr. Larry Crabb) states that the book's message is "to think biblically about topics not directly addressed in Scripture." Throughout the book, there is the presumption of the readers' belief in God.Dan Allender wants to help those who have been abused to make sense of their indescribable pain. A victim cannot make sense out of the crimes of abuse, or why the perpetrator chose to be abusive. But Dr. Allender, a minister, professor, and therapist, can guide a victim toward an understanding that makes healing a valuable achievement. This is encouraged via personal and spiritual growth. Dr. Allender urges the reader to explore a higher purpose, a higher power, and a bigger vision for life.The Wounded Heart is written in three parts: The Dynamics of Abuse, The Damage of Abuse, and the Prerequisites for Growth. In parts one and two, the concepts cover the intense feelings of victims, including shame and ambivalence. In part three, Dr. Allender explains complex beliefs, such as repentance. Although the writing style is careful and thorough, there is a burden on the victim to understand betrayal, contempt, and powerlessness and their consequences. This is the case in our culture: the responsibility for understanding is on the survivors, while the perpetrators make no apologies.Dr. Allender does not sugar-coat the actual abuse, the resulting trauma, or the difficulty in healing. He does, however, make it clear that his Christian position and opinion is one of deep faith and hope. He tries to convey this to the reader without being dogmatic. Not every victim will be able to absorb the Bible verses he uses to explain both the suffering and the growth. 





Also see The Wounded Heart Workbook





[image error] [image error] Review completed by Lynn C. Tolson, author of Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor's Story

Tolson 4 TEARS Talks to "Women Empowerment" 4 Healing

Lynn C. Tolson, advocate and author of Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor's Story, talked with Lori Finnila on "Women Empowerment Hour". This Blog Talk Radio show discusses the challenges women face, and how to overcome them. Lori is the author of "To All My Fathers" and "My Brain Injury" as well as the "Women Evolving" ezine.

You can find Lori on twitter @lorifinila





Lori says of  Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor's Story  "I love it. It tells all. Your life story is 

amazing. You're a wonderful writer and the way you put the book together is wonderful."



Listen to internet radio with Women Empowerment on Blog Talk Radio





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Tolson 4 TEARS on "Feisty Side of Fifty" 4 Domestic Violence

Blog talk radio interview (from the archives) hosted by Mary Eileen Williams on  Feisty Side of Fifty   with Lynn C. Tolson, author of Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor's Story. Listen while Lynn defines domestic violence, the characteristics of victims/offenders, and the subtle signs. Women in mid-life are re-defining their boundaries, refusing to accept any form of domestic abuse.





We're celebrating baby boomer women fifty and better! Interviews with women who are changing lives, making a difference, and totally transforming the spirit and style of aging. If you're tired of "over the hill" be sure to check out the latest in "celebrating your peak" gifts and attire at the Feisty Boomer Boutique You know you're feisty so go ahead and flaunt it. You can follow Mary Eileen Williams on Twitter @FeistySideFifty and her articles at Huffington Post.







Listen to internet radio with Feisty Side of Fifty on Blog Talk Radio





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Tolson 4 TEARS Reviews "Don't Mind Me"

Don't Mind Me by Judith Haire is a memoir about the deep descent into psychosis and the long struggle to find mental health in the aftermath. It is one woman's true story of finding herself at the bottom of a well of insanity, with nothing but her own wits to get her to surface to sanity.Ms. Haire describes a history of generations of hostile family relationships, including those of her grandparents. Then, she delves into the unsatisfying marriage of her parents, which made her feel unwanted. Her father's moods alternated from violent to withdrawn, while her mother distanced herself from emotional commitment toward her child. Ms. Haire's painful childhood left her bereft of the nurturing children require to grow to healthy adults. As is often the case, she repeats the patterns of helplessness and hopelessness by marrying a man who used and abused her. She described herself as "mentally destroyed." Having no support, Ms. Haire became vulnerable to a psychotic break.In Don't Mind Me , Judith Haire describes the hell of psychological torment: "I imagined there was a nuclear war going on around me, I imagined my house would explode the next time I opened the front door." How could she live a healthy life under that kind of mental pressure? The reader is taken on a journey of hallucinations that leads Ms. Haire to be as helpless as an infant in the "fetal position."Ms. Haire's treatment appeared to lack compassion; she was often ignored, under-medicated, over-medicated, misunderstood, and isolated. It seemed to be the commitment of the patient herself that moved her mind through psychosis. Step by step she took on challenges that lead to a healthy life with a fulfilling relationship. She's firm in her belief that even an unborn child can take on the stressors of the parents. This theory helps Ms. Haire to have compassion for herself.Judith Haire says she found catharsis in writing Don't Mind Me . She offers resources for mental health clinicians and patients alike. Most importantly, she shares a personal story that helps to reduce the stigma of mental illness by increasing the understanding society needs to protect vulnerable citizens.







You can visit her web site here, Twitter @JudithHaire, and Facebook 

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