Lynn C. Tolson's Blog: Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor's Story by Lynn C. Tolson, blog, page 16

Beyond the TEARS: Receives 5 Star Review

I found Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor's Story by Lynn C. Tolson difficult to put down.  I read it in three nights because the subject material required time-offs for my mind to absorb everything that was written.  People who have never been abused can't realize how the different types of abuse can maim a person.  In Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor's Story the reader is pulled from one emotional crisis into a sordid world of emotional, physical and mental abuse.  It didn't seem so at the time, but the protagonist suffered greatly from her parents, brother, husband and relatives lack of understanding on treating the narrator as a piece of filth or something to throw away once done with it.

Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor's Story is provocative and compelling.  It's not a book to read lightly, but a book to spend time with so that you can identify with the narrator and feel the abusive battery that she survives.  I give Beyond the Tears a 5 star rating.  If I could give Ms. Lynn Tolson a 10 star rating, I would have done so.  It's a must-read for anyone who's been involved with abusive behavior.



Review completed by Lillian Cauldwell, CEO/ Passionate Internet Voices Talk Radio, Voices of the People, United We Roar, twitter @lilliancauldwel





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Tolson 4 TEARS Reviews "God, If You're Not Up There"

Review of God, If You're Not Up There, I'm F*cked: Tales of Stand-up, Saturday Night Live, and Other Mind-Altering Mayhem by Darrell HammondDarrell Hammond has offered our society a story about pop-culture by describing his work as a comedian. He has also generously shared that which we don't see beneath the mask of entertainer: the depths to which child abuse destroys the psyche. A writer who can tell this story of trauma, its ramifications, and recovery is generous enough to let others know that they are not alone. It is significant to solving social problems when a celebrity reveals that all that glitters is not gold; breaking the silence of child abuse is a courageous step toward awareness of the need for prevention. Mr. Hammond describes the crisis ridden life he led, which he fed with alcohol, drugs, and a constant need for intervention.The audience of Saturday Night Live may enjoy the behind-the-scenes activity of Hammond's career on the show. However, audiences of his award-winning acting may not have known the origin of his genius. Apparently, his voice was not heard as a child, until he noticed that his mother would often stop abusing him when he mimicked others' voices. He tells the readers how he developed this talent as a means of self-protection. Hammond writes poignantly about his father and their relationship, or lack thereof. Meanwhile, Hammond felt scared to death of the world at large. The fear shadowed him, and showered him with insecurities that led to multiple self-destructive behaviors. The pressurized public life as an entertainer and the intense private life as a trauma victim was his reality in paradox.The writing style seems appropriate for the man and the material. There is no sensationalizing of the trauma he endured; he tells this story as it unfolds for him, in unbearable explosions of flashbacks and nightmares. Hammond is tortured, as was his cold father and cruel mother, but he does not torment the reader with unnecessary scenarios of abuse. He gives the reader enough details of the child abuse to understand his inner hell. After countless rehabs and psych wards, misdiagnosis and medications, he also gives the reader reason to hope for Hammond's continuation in recovery and contentment in relationships.



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Review completed by Lynn C. Tolson, author of Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor's Story

Beyond the Tears Read in Kenya

As I wrote in the post TEARS in Africa, an activist in Africa brought to my attention that Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor's Story was being read in Kenya.



Okoth Moses via Facebook told me that a group of thirty women used Beyond the Tears as a book club selection at the University of Nairobi. As an author with a message that lets other trauma survivors know they are not alone, I feel rewarded that this connection can be facilitated by dedicated advocates with global visions.



I learned that violence is rampant, especially since 2007 post-election Kenya. Girls/women were sexually assaulted and infected with HIV. "The Eastland and Siaya Girls Project" is a grass-roots organization that serves to offer emotional and economic empowerment. (See their beautiful creations of dresses and accessories; make a purchase and/or a donation!)



Another great aspect of the advocacy in Africa is the Walk A Mile In Her Shoes events. Walk A Mile In Her Shoes mission is "To engage men and their communities in efforts to stop rape, sexual assault and gender violence." (see full information at the link here).








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Walk-A-Mile in Kenya
According to The Good Men Project, which states, "We're having a conversation about what it means to be a good man,"  Okoth Moses is involved in launching the Men Stopping Violence project in Kenya. Men Stopping Violence "has worked to promote safety and justice for women and children." The wish of Okoth Moses is that he can obtain funds to attend the training in August, in Atlanta, GA.



Thank you for broadening horizons and bridging continents for the greater good!

Beyond the Tears Goes to Africa

Imagine how astonished I was when I heard that Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor's Story was being read in Africa!





I received the following comment on my Facebook page from Okoth Moses in Nairobi, Kenya. 

[image error] Jambo, Its great meeting a Phenomenal person like you. Read your book and loved it. Our regards from Kenya. Thanks for the great job you are doing. Lynn alot more people need to get inspired and to get to know that they are NOT alone. Someday, it's gonna make sense to you about how a class of 30 students from the University of Nairobi made sense out of your book. And YES your book has helped. In big ways, small ways; with girls.and women. Its those ltitle things that you do that make all the difference. So there you have it: It's BEYOND the USA! NOT just beyond tears!  Mo! Asante Sana! (Thanks in Swahili).



I was humbled by his message. I wondered how it was possible to reach women in Africa with my personal story. After all, the scene settings and society of New Jersey, Pennsylvania, and Arizona is far from Kenya. Then I realized that this connection is not about distant places and different cultures: This is about people and the human condition. Emotions are universal; readers explore their own emotions to open lines of communication, eliminate shame, and experience healing. I am honored that my story, which held decades of secrets, can be shared in a book club in Africa. By bringing my dark secrets to light, it is my hope that others anywhere who have suffered traumatic events will know that they are not alone.





As is often the case on the internet, one link led to another. Okoth Moses brought my attention to The Pixel Project. The site states: "The Pixel Project is an innovative virtual volunteer-led non profit organisation using social media and online strategies to turbo-charge global awareness about violence against women while raising funds and volunteer power for the cause."





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At The Pixel Project on Facebook I learned that "The Eastland and Siaya Girls Project is a really positive project done by girls who were involved in the post-election violence in Kenya. Some were raped, others were gang-beaten and got infected with HIV. Others lost both parents. The organizers say that they have started the project at the grassroots level."





The Pixel Project says: "More power to them!" because these women and girls have shown the courage and determination to pick themselves up and to transform their pain into something so beautiful and positive. They are not victims. They are empowered survivors." Okoth Moses says that women make and sell a dress and the money is used to keep a girl in school for six months. You can visit this link to see more beautiful dresses and accessories from phenomenal women! 





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As one heals, so does another.

Tolson 4 TEARS Cheers Guest Poet on "Hope"

Thank you to Nicole Wross for sharing your poetry on the Beyond the Tears blog. You speak for victims/survivors who need to know there is a measure of recovery after trauma if we hold on to HOPE. 





Hope Sustains MeA person of trust to whom I innocently bow,yet something is wrong, so wrong somehow.No longer protected from without nor within,my innocence lost, now stolen again.Under the influence of something unknown,being taken away to a place not my own.Awaken and bound, my freedom now restrained.Frightened and scared, my soul now stained.How could I let happen, this thing done to me?Was I cursed at birth, to whom do I plea?Savagely taken and taken again,the morning becomes day, a day with no end.I scream and I plead yet nothing is heard.No sound can be made, not even a word.I struggle and fight yet nothing can you see,my body lies motionless, it is no longer me.A door now shuts, a car drives away.My mind comes back, in that moment I pray.My bonds once tight now loosened by this sin,free now am I, my life back to win.Surely my tormentor will be back on this day,now free, I run and keep running away.Lost and confused, saved on a dirt road,'tis a stranger who saves me and carries my load.I bathe and I scrub till my wounds again bleed,my mind and my body to exhaustion concede.Day becomes night, night becomes day.Should I open my mouth? What would I say?Justice is sought but none can be found.Forever will this memory to my soul be bound.Years go by, yet the wound, time does not heal.It is forgiveness that allows my future to unseal.Through all the pain, the suffering and tears,it is hope that strengthens me to face my fears.Hope is right now, this very moment, today!The past, not forgotten, yet hope finds a way.





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Tolson 4 TEARS on Growing Up Catholic

Adapted from Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor's Story © by Lynn C. TolsonLike many Americans of Italian descent, my family was of the Roman Catholic religion. My grandmother had statues of saints on her dresser, and a picture of the Pope over her bed. My mother prayed with me, on our knees, before bed: If I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take. Our family activities were based on the religious calendar.In parochial school, Mass was mandatory on Holy Days of Obligation. Each class marched single file to the church; nuns in habits led children in plaid uniforms. I learned words such as hypocrite and contradict and excommunication, and the language of the Catholic congregation: catechism, confession, contrition, communion, confirmation, and the rituals of the Catholic church: The stations of the Cross, the Cross on the Rosary, and the Sign of the Cross: In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. That included all the important people, but what category did little girls fall into? There seemed to be no place for me, so whenever I was in church, I never felt right or good. I always felt guilty, because, I'd been taught, we were born with Original Sin.Confession was a real dilemma. What sins could an eight-year-old commit? Often I did not sin at all, but since Confession was mandatory, I invented sins, such as fibbing. To perform the rites of a good Catholic, I lied to the priest about how I had fibbed to my mother. How could premeditated lies be righteous? It took the wisdom of the ages to realize the blind obedience to doctrine and dictates was a precursor for the passive and vulnerable victim personality that developed sooner rather than later. When I could decide for myself, I realized that a religious rituals were not for me. Some people feel stifled by institutions and some use church just to gain status. Religion may be a source of strength to others. The principles of religion, such as The Golden Rule or The Ten Commandments, serve to instill love. What if traditional religion had no significance to me? Would I live without love?I learned that there is a difference between religion and spirituality. The main premise of spirituality is the belief in a Higher Power. With spirituality, humans attain an awareness that acknowledges the soul because we are intrinsically spiritual beings in human form. I once thought the soul hovered above or around the body, but not quite in it. Then, I learned that the body is a vessel for the soul to inhabit. The soul is the essence of love as it manifests in the world.God's love (your personal vision) is alive and present in your soul. Our spiritual connection is our unity with God, and the love of God in the universe. Every soul finds redemption as a child in God's family because love is perfect and pure within all of us.Spirituality took on a new meaning, not as a means to get to Heaven, but as a way to get through each day on earth. It was a relief to learn that I'm not a heretic without hope of redemption. The love of God is not reserved for special people who perform certain acts. Love is not a matter of deserving. No list of accomplishments is needed to earn love. There is a purpose to life, which is as simple as experiencing love and extending that love to others.
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First Holy Communion circa 1964 PA



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Confirmation circa 1968 PA

Beyond the Tears Receives 5 Star Review

Courage! Tolson's true life story was like reading fiction. The whole time I was glued to her story wondering how people can be so cruel, but I know they are. I kept waiting for her to tell someone the first time it happened, then you start to get the drift as the story unfolds, like WHO could she have told? The whole family was messed up and dysfunctional. The book is so well written and the fact I like reading true stories, I had a hard time putting it down. As the book was telling bad event after another I admired Lynn Tolson for having the courage to put her life out there for others to read and relate to. Also to let it be known that there is a way out of the darkness and fear that lurks in most of us for some reason or another. Be well be happy! K. Christopher  (Kindle edition)





"This is our purpose: to make as meaningful as possible this life that has been bestowed upon us . . . to live in such a way that we may be proud of ourselves, to act in such a way that some part of us lives on." Oswald Spengler





WHY READ BEYOND THE TEARS?

Break the cycleEliminate shameExplore emotionsExperience healingPromote understandingOpen lines of communicationLearn about empowermentImprove conditions for our youth!

Tolson 4 TEARS Cheers "An End to Silence" Jerome Elam

I saw these stats for Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor's Story on Amazon for the Kindle version:






#1 in Books > Health, Fitness & Dieting > Death & Grief >  Suicide
#1 in Books > Health, Fitness & Dieting > Mental Health > Abuse & Self Defense >  Rape
#1 in Books > Health, Fitness & Dieting > Mental Health >  Schizophrenia






These stats are not bragging rights. Nor do they translate to a financial windfall. Fantasy literature and romance novels are more popular than the reality of social problems. I interpret these statistics to show me that people are reading about historically stigmatized topics, such as rape, suicide, and mental illness. Reading leads to education, enlightenment, and empowerment to reduce the taboos!





My mission the Project 4 TEARS: Telling Everyone About Rape & Suicide to:

comfort victims by sharing my story
confront violence by breaking the silence
challenge society via information and action
Besides speaking engagements and book discussions, the way I can get these messages across is through my memoir Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor's Story. The Amazon Kindle statistics inform me that the mission is being fulfilled.





I received this note indicating that other survivors understand the importance of sharing our stories; we participate in the collective consciousness of healing.


 "Lynn, Thank you for having the courage to share your story with the world. I know from personal experience, writing about the tragedy of child sex abuse is both a difficult and rewarding endeavor. I have been humbled by the response to my articles and the bravery of those who have shared their story of abuse with me. The pain of abuse in our lives may never disappear but it fades to a whisper with the love and support of those who truly care about us. Warmest Regards, Jerome Elam"



I appreciate this feedback. Not only does @JeromeElam share his personal experience, he also uses a professional venue to write about prevention and intervention for child abuse. You can find his articles at Washington Times: Communities His blog An End To Silence is full of information. Jerome says, "Welcome to my blog! I would like to create an open forum for the discussion of childhood sexual abuse and a finding a way to end the tragedy of stolen childhoods." 


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Cheers to the community of advocates who are striving to remove stigmas and improve conditions for our children!

Beyond the Tears: Receives 5 star review

***** A Must Read on Sexual Abuse, Domestic Violence, and Suicide





Reading Lynn C. Tolson's memoir Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor's Story, and feeling the relentless deluge of misfortune is like traveling through a desert thunderstorm. In the book, as in the desert, the sun comes out at the end and hope reigns.



Author Tolson draws you into her world on the first page with clear setting details of the outer storm and candid inner monologue of the despair that urges her to end her life. As readers experience Lynn's desperate plight, two questions emerge: 1. Will she pull herself out of deep depression? and 2. What in her experience of life brought her to this desperate situation?



In subsequent chapters I felt as though I was struggling through perils with Lynn. I experienced the shock and shame of recalling incestuous acts, the guilt of addictions and the empty sense of self that couldn't walk away from a destructive and violent partner.



Lynn aptly shows readers the slow steady process of recovery of a positive sense of self and an empowered definition of personhood. She doesn't tread lightly on her shortcomings or on the abusive family relationships that ate away at her self respect. With keenly honed writing the author carries the reader with her up the arduous route to recovery. In the end, we feel her hope and her reclaimed and empowered sense of self.



As one who grew up in an incestuous situation, I highly recommend Beyond the Tears to other survivors and their supporters. Partners of survivors can gain insights that will benefit their relationships. Lynn's narrative account of recovery can reveal to therapists information that their clients may resist sharing. Student's training to counsel sexual abuse survivors can see in advance the challenges they may encounter. Families of survivors benefit from reading a first person account of the difficulties a victim faces.



Individuals who are not personally acquainted with a survivor will glean valuable insights to the long term consequences and costs of childhood sexual abuse. In our society that has nurtured a taboo of silence on the subject for centuries; we diminish the pain and angst of innocent victims. We fail to recognize the physical and mental manifestations of sexual victims. Authors like Ms. Tolson help us to take a realistic look at what our culture is promoting by not speaking candidly about sexual violence.





Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor's Story Kindle Edition 



#1 in Books  Health, Fitness & Dieting > Death & Grief >  Suicide
#1 in Books Health, Fitness & Dieting > Mental Health > Abuse & Self Defense  Rape
#1 in Kindle Store: Kindle eBooks > Nonfiction > Psychology & Counseling >  Suicide
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Tolson 4 TEARS Reviews "Fearless Confessions: A Writer's Guide to Memoir"

Sue William Silverman was my role model for memoir because she had dared to write about issues usually silenced in our society. She wrote Because I Remember Terror, Father  I Remember You and Love Sick: One Woman's Journey Through Sexual Addiction. Then, I had the pleasure of meeting her at Vermont College of Fine Arts, post-graduate writer's conference, where she was faculty/advisor. She taught the group metaphor, voice, and technique, and encouraged expression from the writer within each individual. Sue urged us toward Fearless Confessions , an apt title for the Writer's Guide to Memoir. Despite my notes from the conference, and hand-outs from Sue, I wished I had a "go-to" guide at my fingertips. Sue has made such a guide available in Fearless Confessions. The book contains chapters that have writing exercises and inserts with tips. Sue also arranged for appropriate articles by other authors, which exemplify what Sue is conveying in the body of the chapter. Sue generously offers examples of her own. I was especially moved by her revealing essay The Pat Boone Fan Club. That is what a memoirist does: revealing life matter that one thinks is individual, yet the emotions are universal. Some confessional memoirs put into words what others are thinking, but are afraid to say aloud. Sue dares us to dig deep and write down, such as with an exercise that asks the reader to "Write a short paragraph about a secret you've never told anyone, except maybe a therapist."Sue explains the craft of writing, and elements such as "the voice of innocence" and "the voice of experience" She leads us to websites, books, marketing opportunities, and publishing options. (note of disclosure: Sue used my essay From Process to Product: Using Print-on-Demand to Publish in Appendix two).I eagerly awaited Fearless Confessions because I wanted to hold Sue Silverman's knowledge and ability in the palm of my hand. Sue packs more in 237 pages than I ever expected. If you want to write a memoir, let Sue's "go-to" guide you to write it right.





Review completed by Lynn C. Tolson, author of Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor's Story

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