Lynn C. Tolson's Blog: Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor's Story by Lynn C. Tolson, blog, page 12

Tolson 4 TEARS Reviews Poetic Reflections

Review of Poetic Reflections: Keep the Heart of A Child by Lori R. Lopez




Author Lori R. Lopez @LoriRLopez is known for her mystery, horror, and suspense stories. In Poetic Reflections, the reader sees her talent for writing poetry, prose, and song lyrics. What a prolific word-smith!





Poetry is often so abstract that it requires too much mental work to interpret: This is not the case with Lori's readable and understandable style. Lori R. Lopez's writing is raw yet carefully polished.







As I was reading Keep the Heart of A Child, I often felt as if Lori had been taking snap-shots of my thoughts, those elusive thoughts that come and go so quickly that they defy capture. Lori has the unique ability to contain and examine those thoughts, explore the emotions, and translate them by using words with substance. All this occurs with well-crafted twists and turns of language that convey the universal human condition of slow rises and fast falls as we ride the roller-coaster called LIFE. 


Lori weaves her life story into this volume, creating textures that are not easily labeled but are readily resonating. The reader may feel as much joy from the poem “Sweet” as he/she does sorrow from a paragraph about abuse. Then, a poem like “Trust” appears, exploring the word in verse so that the reader can identify with the feeling, unlike a dry dictionary definition. Speaking of the dictionary, Lori uses words that even I, considerably literate and a teacher of ESL and adult literacy, had to research. She toys with words, and her clever word-play entertained me.




Each chapter has a narrative introduction that helps to organize the sheer number of words that will follow and the great span of subjects Lori R. Lopez covers. A reader cannot be disappointed; there is some thing, some word, some topic that will speak to your heart.






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Review completed by Lynn C. Tolson, author of Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor's Story

Tolson 4 TEARS Reviews Because I Remember Terror, Father

Review of Because I Remember Terror, Father, I Remember You by Sue William Silverman @SueSilverman


This memoir depicts the devastating abuse of a child born to a prominent man and his pretentious wife. This family that includes two daughters lived on an exotic foreign island as well as an ordinary American city. The father had important careers in banking and law. Nothing was more important to the mother than the appearance of a family as normal. But what is normal when one daughter dashes in and out of the house daily while the other is imprisoned nightly as her father repeatedly rapes her? The sisters do not confide in anyone, and the entire family is without communication of any kind. "In our family we don't know words to soothe each other's hurts." Except that the patriarch finds comfort by taking his daughter's body, mind, and spirit.

Written in present tense, this first-person narrative begins with writing that illustrates emotions in a most extra-ordinary prose. "I sit rigid on a couch and stare at the plant by the window, wishing I were small enough, light enough, to curl up inside one of the cool green leaves and sleep." After experiencing parental rape from the age of four to eighteen, Sue tries to cope by creating alternative personalities; her authentic self had been lost in the isolation of secrets and shame. The mother blames Sue, and not the father for the deviant sexual acts of the father. Long after she escapes the abuse, Sue sustains the familiar in self-injury. She'd been love-starved; in adulthood she literally starves herself. Sue startles the reader with how emotionally annihilated a child is rendered by abuse.

Before the father loses his importance to old age, he vaguely excuses his egregious crimes by admitting that his mother had molested him. But Sue knows the truth: "That just because you are molested as a child does not mean you must grow up to be a molester." Once, just once, Sue hears from her mother "I'm so sorry." Sue tends to her parents while they are dying. As a reader, I struggle to understand how she can be there for them when they were not there for her.

Sue's authentic self slowly returns to her when she begins to heal under the patient guidance of a therapist, the steadfast love of her husband, and a new connection with her sister. The reader rejoices with Sue while she saves others even as she saves herself: Silverman teaches English composition and comforts women and children.

This book is the winner of the Associated Writing Programs Award for Creative Nonfiction, and there is no wondering why.




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review by Lynn C. Tolson, author of Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor's Story

Tolson 4 TEARS Reviews Love Sick: One Woman's Journey Through Sexual Addiction

Review of Love Sick: One Woman's Journey through Sexual Addiction by Sue William Silverman



What is sexual addiction? How does one recover from this addiction? Sue William Silverman @SueSilverman answers these questions in her heartbreaking and heartwarming autobiography. Even if a reader does not experience an addiction of any kind, no time is wasted while reading the book because the prose is so expertly crafted.

In her first book Because I Remember Terror, Father, I Remember You, Sue William Silverman writes about the childhood sexual abuse she experienced. She had an incestuous father and a complicit mother. The tragedy of incest leaves any child feeling that she is unlovable, and the confusion that sex equals love. The incest was woven with the elements of secrecy, danger, and destruction. In Love Sick, Sue shows the reader how those elements became a blueprint for her relationships.

As with any addiction, sexual addiction is a narrow one-dimensional drive serving only to feed itself. Sue was starved for real love as a child, so she uses unhealthy behaviors to search for love; she literally does not know better because she was not shown unconditional care. In college, she is caught in an affair with an emotionally unavailable married man, who has a son her own age. She also meets (for sex) a random obscene phone caller who is a stranger. Incest leaves the victim with instinct askew, so Sue literally believes that this strange caller was meant to meet her to show her how loveable she really is. Sue later marries Andrew, and confesses: "I first had sex with Andrew while married to someone else." Andrew is unable to comprehend Sue's turmoil except in terms of how it affects her role as his wife. He says, "I'm tired of shouldering all the responsibility. She could at least try to get a job teaching..."

Sue's primary responsibility becomes recovery from childhood abuse and its ramifications. After trial and error therapy with ten counselors, Sue meets a therapist named Ted. He learns that Sue cannot will herself to stop seeing yet another married man, even while she is married to Andrew. Ted says, "Love doesn't result in sitting alone in motel rooms. Addiction results in sitting alone in motel rooms." Ted encourages Sue to enter a facility with a program for sex addicts. Sue learns that she is as much a predator (searching for love via sex) as she is a victim. She writes, "I am not your victim because you are not a predator any more than a bottle of scotch stalks an alcoholic." That sentence offers enlightening information regarding the vicious cycle of addictions. Sue offers the reader reasons to have compassion for those struggling with sexual addiction by giving us glimpses into the psyches of others in the facility. During the recovery program, Sue searches her soul for genuine feelings that are not in context with a man.

As an author and advocate, I read this book twice: once to become informed about sexual addiction (or any addiction) in reference to victims of abuse, and again for the creative writing that Sue William Silverman is so keenly able to craft.




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review by Lynn C. Tolson, author of Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor's Story

Beyond the Tears Author/Artist Lynn C. Tolson Expands to Etsy as Abundant Arts

"Carefully made and deeply felt art products are miracles: gifts given against great odds." says Eric Maisel in A Life in the Arts . According to @ericmaisel, Carlos Santana @SantanaCarlos likened artists to "warriors in the trenches who have the vision of saving us from going over the edge." (p. 87) Thus, I took the leap to offer my personal art and vintage pieces on the popular Etsy web site. I am excited to start sharing, with a variety of styles and mediums in painting and collage to suit your interests. My shop on Etsy is called Abundant Arts.


The pleasures of my life include words, color, animals, and nature. I combine these passions in artistic endeavors to capture the essence of the universe and envision the wonders of the world. Perhaps you will find an original painting or quirky collage for your home, office, or studio. Or you might see a piece that will be a perfect present!



I’ve attended watercolor workshops facilitated by famed art teachers in the Midwest and Rocky Mountains. I’ve taken workshops at Bemis School of Art and Cottonwood Center for the Arts in Colorado.



What I’ve learned is that there are principles of design to follow. However, art is an evolving endeavor with unexpected results. Sometimes painting is a planned process, and often times it is an impulse project. There is no formula; the same subject is never painted the same way twice. I refer to my photographs to paint abstractions from nature.



My collage style developed by using repeated glazes of transparent watercolors on cold-press paper, then adding torn rice paper to build dimension. The brush dances with the vivid paint colors on the layered papers, to stretch the imagination in a structured choreography, or a surprise turn. This creates textures that provide spontaneous effects.




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Crossroads, Paved With Gold

I’ve been in juried art shows, and won the purchase award at Art in the Park, in St. Joseph, MO. The Pikes Peak Library District and local community centers have exhibited my work. My paintings are privately owned US coast-to-coast, and I am grateful for the patrons.



I'm best known as the author of Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor's Story. My memoir is about my journey from abuse and adversity to hope and healing. I wrote the book to break the silence, comfort other victims, and challenge society. As an advocate for survivors of ugly crimes,  I engage in creative activities to serve as a balance through pretty pictures. I'm also a breast cancer survivor, and used art as a healing tool during my recovery.



Whether it is through writing or painting, my goals are to offer information, inspiration, or insight. But mostly, I want to provide pleasure for the viewer. Art is subject to interpretation; your interpretation may be different than what the artist intended, and your interpretation may be different than the viewer standing next to you. There is no right or wrong. Art is personal!



I've always been fascinated by antiques! As I mature, I see that my own items are now considered vintage. Although I am not a vintage dealer, I occasionally part with items from my vintage closet so that another may reuse or recycle. Explore and enjoy!

Tolson 4 TEARS TV Interview 4 Awareness

In this interview, which aired in St. Joseph, MO, I (Lynn C. Tolson) was asked about the process of writing a personal memoir. I really wanted to talk about awareness of domestic violence and sexual abuse, but the host was eager to hear about the publishing process. The theme of the interview is similar to what I cover in the prologue to Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor's Story.

***For nearly twenty years, I engaged in careers in retail, real estate and property management. Every working day left me feeling unfulfilled, as if I was living a false life. My real life began not by changing jobs, but by putting pen to paper in journal writing sessions. Themes emerged regarding the impact of my sexual abuse, drug addiction, and suicide attempts. By using the journal to write about the problems and solutions discussed in my counseling sessions, a story of transformation evolved. My desire to share a message of healing from trauma became too strong to ignore; the book became a mission. I left the corporate environment to write my story about personal yet universal emotional issues. Although journal writing was a cathartic experience, the book was written with the courage to face my fears, with compassion for myself and others, and a conviction to tell the truth.

By bringing my dark secrets to light, it is my hope that others who have had similar events will know that they are not alone. Readers may explore their own emotions to open lines of communication, eliminate shame, and experience healing. I also hope that my book promotes understanding of the issues that cause individual suffering and plague our society.***



Another question to ask is "Why read Beyond the Tears ?" You'll find the answer by clicking here!

Tolson 4 TEARS on "Empowering Solutions"

Internet Radio Show host Susan Kingsley-Smith discussed topics about recovery from abuse with author Lynn C. Tolson. Susan is a Certified Intrinsic Coach who says that her passion "is to share the message of hope that trauma, abuse and dysfunction does not have to define us. We can learn what we need to create our best life." Empowering Solutions is Susan's outreach to victims/survivors; you can join the community on Facebook. Her goal is to offer information, tools and resources that will help to empower you to take charge of your journey!



Listen to a series of four discussions between Susan and Lynn. Susan shares her story and Lynn read from Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor's Story . We combined our personal experience and professional knowledge to bring awareness to the needs of those who have been abused and need healing! Each discussion offers the listener information such as the characteristics of a victim/offender, patterns of abuse, myths about domestic violence, and empowerment opportunities.



(The first audio has several minutes of lead time)



If you need more information, visit the National Domestic Violence Hotline


 call 1-800-799-SAFE

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Listen to internet radio with Susanks on Blog Talk

Radio



Listen to internet radio with Susanks on Blog Talk Radio



Listen to internet radio with Susanks on Blog Talk Radio



Listen to internet radio with Susanks on Blog Talk Radio

Tolson 4 TEARS Talks About Self-Esteem

Radio Show Host Misa Leonessa Garavaglia talked with author Lynn C. Tolson. Misa (@misaleonessa) is a trained coach and spiritual director who believes we can find hope in the midst of life’s challenges. Misa hosts for the O.A.B.I.: Voices United Radio Network, which "is the place where global voices unite against abuse and domestic violence. Breaking the silence is not a popular choice but it is the right choice." (@ovu_network)




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Misa and Lynn talked about building healthy self-esteem.  Misa says that "Low self-esteem is a very common effect of childhood abuse and domestic violence." The dictionary defines self-esteem as confidence in one's own worth or abilities; self-respect. However, self-esteem is difficult to define because it is often confused with the concept of conceit. Lynn says that “Conceit is a result of the ego, and a selfish point of view. However, self-esteem and self-love originate in the soul, which is the essence of love.” Self-esteem develops when we do not pay too much attention to negative traits while neglecting positive qualities. Try accepting all aspects of your identity, both your strengths and weaknesses. You are greater than the sum of all parts." There are specific steps to improving self-esteem, including being aware of talents and abilities, beliefs and values.



You can listen to the discussion at the link below!








Listen to internet radio with O A B I Voices United Network on Blog Talk Radio

Tolson 4 TEARS Talks About Building Self-Esteem

Radio Show Host Misa Leonessa Garavaglia talked with author Lynn C. Tolson. Misa (@misaleonessa) is a trained coach and spiritual director who believes we can find hope in the midst of life’s challenges. Misa hosts for the O.A.B.I.: Voices United Radio Network, which "is the place where global voices unite against abuse and domestic violence. Breaking the silence is not a popular choice but it is the right choice." (@ovu_network)




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Misa and Lynn talked about building healthy self-esteem.  Misa says that "Low self-esteem is a very common effect of childhood abuse and domestic violence." The dictionary defines self-esteem as confidence in one's own worth or abilities; self-respect. However, self-esteem is difficult to define because it is often confused with the concept of conceit. Lynn says that “Conceit is a result of the ego, and a selfish point of view. However, self-esteem and self-love originate in the soul, which is the essence of love.” Self-esteem develops when we do not pay too much attention to negative traits while neglecting positive qualities. Try accepting all aspects of your identity, both your strengths and weaknesses. You are greater than the sum of all parts." There are specific steps to improving self-esteem, including being aware of talents and abilities, beliefs and values.



You can listen to the discussion at the link below!








Listen to internet radio with O A B I Voices United Network on Blog Talk Radio

Tolson 4 TEARS on Domestic Violence, Invisible Forms

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Not all forms of domestic violence are life-threatening, but domestic abuse can escalate until someone gets hurt.





If a friend says of a mutual friend, “Her husband is abusing her!” do you think of an abused woman with black eyes? Probably, yet domestic abuse may be invisible.





I was twenty-two years old. A friend, Sally, and I were in the kitchen my small apartment. Sally, a seamstress, was pinning the waist of my skirt for alterations. Due to stress, I'd lost a lot of weight in a short period of time. Since we'd known each other for about nine months, we were chatting comfortably as she tucked and gathered the fabric to fit my 5'4" frame. 





My husband of a year burst into the apartment. He surveyed the situation, and, as if I were not in the room, he barked, “She wouldn’t need her clothes mended if she wasn’t such a scrawny broad! She’s a piece of work, isn’t she?”





Sally had not witnessed his verbal tirades before. I was afraid that he would sabotage our friendship.





He mumbled something about “worthless women” and slammed the door on his way out.

I wondered what I had done wrong.

Sally spoke softly, “Does he typically speak to you so mean?”

Sally seemed to be a sincere friend, so I confided in her.

“Sally, it’s all right, he talks like that all the time.”

“It’s not all right. He’s abusing you.”

“Sally, no way! He never beat me or broke a bone. He never pushed me down the stairs.”

“Lynn, I've noticed. The way he treats you is awful. Does he hurt you in other ways?”





He’d grab my arm and twist both his hands around it, until I bruised. He’d say, “If you weren’t such a skinny runt, you wouldn’t bruise so easy.” He smacked me and claim it “was just a love tap.” He frequently hurt me with punches, pinches, and slaps, but it was rationalized or justified.





I divorced him a year later with Sally’s help, the guidance of a therapist, and an attorney.





But the wounds of emotional abuse take a long time to heal.





The anecdote is a paraphrased excerpt from my memoir Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor’s Story. When we put a true story in front of the facts, the experiences of a victim become real.





What is domestic violence?





State laws vary in defining domestic violence but common elements include:


A pattern of abusive behavior when one person uses inappropriate power and control over an intimate partner.




What is emotional abuse?

The emotional abuse pertains to what he said, and how it made me feel.






He made me feel bad just for being a woman.

He made me feel humiliated by putting me down.





Almost all abusers who are physically violent use emotional abuse. You never know who amongst us is enduring emotional abuse. Help someone who tells you that she or someone she knows is being abused by her partner.

Tolson 4 TEARS on Domestic Violence, Children Witnessing

October is National Domestic Violence Awareness month, yet domestic violence occurs globally 24/7 365 days a year. What is considered violence? What do parents teach their children? John Bradshaw, author of "Homecoming" and "Creating Love " says: "I consider anything that violates a person's sense of self to be violence. Such action may not be directly physical or sexual, although it quite often is. Violence occurs when a more powerful and knowledgeable person destroys the freedom of a less powerful person for whom he or she is significant." Bradshaw also writes that "Anyone who witnesses violence is a victim of violence." Do you think children under 5 are not traumatized by seeing violence? Can a 4 year old girl really erase this scene as if it never happened? Here is an excerpt from "Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor's Story." 





***My father opened a kitchen drawer and pulled out a knife. That’s the knife my mother used to cut bones from chicken. He was holding the knife over his head with the sharp blade aimed at my mother. She looked so small compared to his large body, and his rage was larger than life. My father noticed me long enough to stop killing my mother.*** 





Be aware that when you fight in front of your children, you are degrading their sense of self, developing their perspective of an unsafe world, and diminishing their respect for you. It takes decades of affirmations, meditations, medications, and celebrations to dry the tears of children whose parents fought while swearing to one another "one day you'll be the death of me." Whose fault is it when one of the parents commits suicide the night after a fight? Who takes on the responsiblity as surely as if it was a homicide? Children typically take on the blame for what is broken, for what they cannot fix. It takes forever and a day to undo the damage done to a child who witnesses the violence of parents who verbally, physically, mentally, and emotionally abuse each other. Be careful of what you allow children to witness, because all the time in the world does not heal all wounds.