Carrie Contey's Blog, page 13

What are you here for?

What are you really here for?

Not what do you do because you have to or what’s your job. Not that.

I’m interested in knowing what makes your heart sing?

What thrills you to no end?

What brings you feelings of bliss and delight and joy and freedom?

What would you do if you could do anything, anything at all?

(And please note, it may be exactly what you are doing.)

Take five minutes right now and tell yourself (and me if you wish) what it is that you love doing with all your heart and soul.

Here’s a prompt:

If I had complete freedom from worrying about money and time and my current obligations I would…

(now set a timer and write without stopping for at least 5 minutes. Let your imagination go wild!)

Thank you, you lovely human being you!

 

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Something’s Coming!

You know when your child is acting in ways that are hard to handle?

I’m talking about the times when that little growing person is doing the things that push your buttons and make you want to SCREAM (and sometimes you do)?

Well, it very often means SOMETHING’S COMING.

A new skill!

A new idea!

A new interest!

A new inch!

A new tooth!

A new state of being!

A new experience!

A new something that is going to make your little person (or any person really) more of who they are!

It means something so fantastic is about to POP that you will be shocked and delighted and you’ll slap your hand on your head and say, “Oh, you were growing. Of course that’s why you were acting that way. Something new was emerging and now it’s here. Hooray!”

And then it will happen again and again and again and again. For a long long long long time. And each time there will be more and more and more and more of that growing person to love.

When things get whacky and you start to question your child and your parenting remember and repeat this mantra…

Something’s coming!

 

Hop on over to Slow Family Living to read about what inspired this post and then comment below if you have a story to share. I love hearing from you.

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Q&A – What to do about this fear?

Recently a parent wrote in…

When I think of parenting, I have come to realize that my feeling of love is quickly followed (and perhaps consumed) by my fear.  

So for example, I might be in a beautiful moment with my daughter, cuddling or laughing or just loving feeling connected, and then BAM!

My mind goes to thoughts of “What if this is the last time I will ever see her?  What if we get into a car accident on the way to the grocery store? What if I fall down the stairs and break my back and never hold her again?”  Weird stuff.

Is this what being a parent means?  Surely I can karate chop the fear outta there and just feel love.

Ugh, the ache of love. Even from the “not currently parenting” side of the fence, I can know, in my bones and blood and cells, that being a parent is the most terrifying thing one can choose to do. The love is so deep and profound and leaves you vulnerable in a way that nothing else can do. There’s just no way not to feel scared at times.

So, yes, it’s definitely normal. And, I think that any sleep deprivation you experience adds to it, exponentially. Fear resides in our lower brain. When we are low on resources we’re just more slippy. You are more vulnerable to feeling fear (and anger and grief).

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My best suggestions are to:

>>Acknowledge this is what you are feeling. Just say out loud, “Feeling fear. Feeling fear. Fear, fear fear fear fear. Ugh, fear.” Try to stay with the feeling and let the story go.

>>Give yourself a little compassionate self-parenting. Touch your heart and say, “Wow, I feel so scared. It’s overwhelming sometimes how scared I can feel. I’m with me. I’m here for me. I hear me.” I know that may sound a little corny but I assure you it’s one of the best things you can do as a parent. Learning to self-parent.

>>Be in the moment. Check in with this very moment. Are you safe? Is your daughter safe?  And now this moment? And this moment still? Anxiety is just a fear of the future, the unknown. Come back to the moment and remind yourself what is true. All is well. In this moment, we are all OK. Do this over and over and over again, all day long if you have to.

>>Have faith. When you are not in the fear, explore your faith around this whole humanhood thing. She’s not yours she’s just here to travel with you. What fits for you with regards to how to make sense of all of this — love, life, growth, learning, fear, loss, etc.? I love this poem so much http://www.katsandogz.com/onchildren.html Seems comforting in some way to be reminded of this.

>>Try to do your Evolve Program template most days. I think it’s helpful to consciously remind yourself of the blessings and also to set clear intentions about how you want to feel.

>>Be mindful of your sugar intake, your sleep, your exercise and your menstrual cycle. All can influence how you are feeling.

>>And if and when you are ready, check out the Presence Process. It’s an amazing process for digesting leftover fear, anger, grief and other emotions that live within us from our early life. Whether we are aware of it or not, the leftover charges of those emotions are still at play in our daily lives and will show up around our most intimate relationships. When we become present to what we are really feeling, the essential vibrations that inform our experiences, outside of the stories we dress them in, there is less of it to tote around.

>>Thank your beautiful guru. The person in that little baby body who is your child is giving you the ultimate gift of all gifts.

Loving someone so much that you are literally terrified. Whew, that’s some deep stuff.

 

You are not raising “children.”

You welcomed whole, unique, purpose-driven people who have joined you for their own experiences on this planet. That’s exciting!

You get to travel with these individuals who are going to live the lives they are here to live. Wow. What an amazing thing to get to do.

You are part of their experiences. Sure, you had a hand in bringing their bodies forth, but, you did not make them. Not the “them” that is the deepest beingness part of who they are, their essential selves.  You are not responsible for their every action and you are definitely not responsible for their feelings and emotions.

They are living, You are living. You are bumping into each other, inspiring each other, loving and appreciating each other.  You are traveling together and you are helping each other grow.

You being your most you allows them to be their most them. Be you. Let yourself learn and grow as much as you can while you let them learn and grow.

Be in complete awe of who they are. But, more importantly, be in complete awe of who YOU are, right here. Right now.

Just “Say NO” to parenting. Rather, choose to BE in relationship with these amazing people.Choose connection and depth and realness and sweetness and aliveness. Choose mistakes and do-overs and ease and joy and fun. Choose FUN! Let it be silly and sweet and spacious. Let there be connected-time and up-time and messy-time and down-time and quiet-time and self-care time. Be in it for the very long haul.

Trust yourself and trust your people.

Love yourself and love your people.

Care to comment below?

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Slow Family Living – It’s here!

Oh joy!  Berndette’s new book, Slow Family Living 75 simple ways to slow down, connect and create more joy! is here.  Who is Bernadette Noll? She’s a brilliant woman, mother, author, speaker, thinker and one of my very best friends on the planet. Back in 2008 we started something called Slow Family Living together. Our goal was not to tell people how to do family life in a slow way. No no, that’s not what it was about at all. Rather, we wanted to inspire families to make it their very own.

We set out to support families in creating moments, experiences and relationships that feel rich and deep and satisfying and “just right.” Our mantra was and still is: Slow down, connect and enjoy and Bernadette’s new book is a truly one-size fits all (families) guide to finding your way in the midst of modern life. She covers everything from getting out the door with ease, finding ways to celebrate each individual AND the whole family, the power of the pause, listening with an open heart and my favorite, how to drop “love bombs!”

This book is packed with honesty, humor and deep wisdom and the chapters are bite-size nuggets that stand alone so you can savor them slowly. However, I have a sense that once you get started you’ll want to devour the whole thing. It’s just that delicious!

My goal, as always, is to provide you with supportive, creative, and informative tools to help you create your best life possible. I can honestly say, from the bottom of my heart and soul, that Slow Family Living is an incredible addition to your toolkit. It’s a non-dogmatic breath of fresh air that will have you nodding in agreement, laughing out loud and thinking of ways you can slow down, connect and create way more joy. Now who wouldn’t want that? Order your copy (or multiple copies), today.

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Kind Words about Slow Family Living

“Bernadette Noll has a long track record helping families slow down and find the pace of life that suits them best. How lucky we are that she has now distilled her experience into a wise and readable book. Slow Family Living is packed with practical ways to bring joy and sanity back to family life and give our children a childhood worthy of the name. In this overstimulated, crazy-busy, roadrunner culture of ours, every family needs a copy.”

—Carl Honoré, author of In Praise of Slow and Under Pressure

“In a society set on having it all, Slow Family Living points out — Wait! You already have what you need. All you have to do is slow down and appreciate it. Bernadette Noll’s book helps us reject the time- and money-wasters we’ve been sold on, and savor the most golden thing we’ve got – time, especially time together.”

—Lenore Skenazy, author of Free-Range Kids

 

It’s Here! Evolve 2013.

This richer, more comprehensive program has been designed just for you. Evolve 2013 will give you what you have been asking for: More information, more inspiration, more tools, more science, more support and a rich community of like-minded parents through which to grow.

Do you want to look back on 2013 and be able to say:

I am now parenting with intention and guiding our children in a way that is deeply connected and offers them a healthy space to grow.
I am now totally, 100% committed to self-care and I see the difference it makes in my parenting.
I am now on the same page with my partner—as parents, friends…and lovers.
I feel supremely comfortable about our finances and in my ability to impart healthy habits to our children.

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Evolve 2013 will offer you a year’s worth of my time, energy and passion—the very best stuff in the areas of parenting, personhood, partnership and prosperity. All of it. With Evolve 2013, together I will help you re-wire your brain for more love, more joy, more fun and way more connection with yourself, your children, your partner and your money.

What’s your “joy factor?”

After nearly two decades of studying and observing human development – especially young people – it is very clear to me that our lives as humans are meant to be filled with ease, joy, lightness and play.

What I’ve discovered is that many people think that the joy and playfulness comes after they have better relationships and more money; but that’s backwards. The truth is, once you experience joy and feel light and playful, financial and relationship prosperity quickly follow.

So the question is, how can you increase your “joy factor?”

For starters, you need to be aware of it, which means you need to tune in to how you feel. When you’re feeling tired, hungry, hurried, fearful, stressed or scarce, your joy factor is low.

But you are in complete control of your joy factor at every moment of the day! You can choose to shift to joy, instantly!

Check out the video to learn how, and then share your response to the challenge I pose inside the video on the blog. I bet you’ll feel more joy if you do!

xo-

Carrie

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Ready to feel more joy?? Share your answer to the video challenge on the blog and then invite your friends and family to do the same!

Oh, in the 11th hour I added a couple of really amazing new goodies to my Evolve 2013 offering that are going to really rock your parenting world!  They’re sure to bring you loads of ease and joy, so stay tuned for that…it’s coming really soon!

Gettin’ Back To “Coupledom”

In case you forgot, your partner is the reason you’re a parent.  I mean, it took two of you to make your beautiful offspring, right?

I’m willing to bet that with the exception of the occasional “surprise” out there, the two of you decided you wanted to build a family together. And the reason you did that is because you love each other unconditionally and life with your partner is better than life without.

Then the kids came and your partnership changed.  Dramatically.  And if you’re like most couples, some of the things about your relationship that brought you together in the first place have potentially disappeared post-parenthood.

So, how do you get back to “coupledom?”  (“Coupledom” is the utopia you lived in pre-kids).

I’ve got some answers for you.

In the interest of time, they’re simple, but don’t let the simple nature of these ideas fool you: they work. Take action on these starting TODAY and I guarantee you’ll start to see those wonderful things about your partner magically re-appear.

xo-

Carrie

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At the end of the video I invited you to share something very special on the blog. Take one minute and go do that now.

Then, if you’re feeling really inspired, when you’re done, copy what you wrote on the blog and paste it into a new email and send that off to your sweetie! I’m willing to bet some sparks will fly for you when you’re done!

YOU First

One of the hardest things for parents to do – especially moms – is to prioritize their needs over the needs of their child(ren).

In fact, many parents feel tremendous guilt just thinking about doing something for themselves.

Well if you’re in that camp or struggle with tending to your needs in any way, this video is going to completely shift the way you think about and understand self-care.

I don’t want to be over-dramatic, but the truth is that if you aren’t taking care of you every single day, you could be on a collision course for derailing your health, your partnership and the relationships with your kids.

Yeah, it’s really that big and really that important.

But not to worry, because I’ve put together an 8-minute video that is going to give you a crash course in self-care PLUS a sweet little gift that I know will come in handy for you.

Go have a look right now and BE SURE to download the free gift after you make a comment on the blog.

xo-

Carrie

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FREE GIFT: I put together a 1-page outline of self-care ideas that you can easily implement into your daily life, instantly. There are 30-60 second fill ups, 10-30 minute fill ups and hour-day long ideas. Download the list and jump in!

So: how are you going to start taking care of yourself more often?? Your first step is to DECLARE that you’re committed to self-care. So head to the blog RIGHT NOW and let the world know what you’re going to do for YOU!

Oh, and if you know of anyone else that can use some self-care – parents, grandparents, or even friends or colleagues without kids for that matter – send them a link to the blog. They’ll thank you for it and you’ll be spreading some goodness and love all around you!

Take care.

The New Parenting Paradigm

One of the things I often share with parents is that how you treat and communicate with your child(ren) today will have a large impact on the relationship you have with them for the rest of their adult lives.

If we could parent with that concept in mind, I’m willing to bet that we would slow things down and give our little people a bit more time and space.

But I’m also a realist. Sometimes we just need to get our kids moving, and it needs to happen “now.”

The question is: how do you get your kids to do what you need them to do, when you need them to do it, without sacrificing your connection with them?

The answer to that lives inside what I call the new parenting paradigm.

If you want more ease and joy in daily family life – if you want cooperation AND connection – check out the video to learn about the new parenting paradigm and how you can bring this into your daily family life, instantly.

xo-

Carrie

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PS: Don’t pass up the opportunity to share a recent experience where you could have slowed down, connected, and brought fun and play to the situation to make it flow easier. Or, share a time that you did just that and it went great!

Your sharing will really open the door for others to comment and we’ll all learn A LOT more from each other.

Finally, if you think someone in your life might find the ideas in the New Parenting Paradigm of value, I’d be most appreciative if you emailed them the link to this video blog or shared it via Facebook or Twitter.

Thank you!