Carrie Contey's Blog, page 12

The Power of the Pause

Allowing the inspiration to bubble up

When I take the time to settle and just be, I make more space for ideas and creativity to bubble up and pop. I discovered this seven years ago when I was writing my dissertation. I would complete a section and almost immediately I would say to myself, “Uh oh, I’m not sure where I’m going next.”

Believing I could “think” my way into and through the next section, I would start “doing” — Opening books looking for answers, rifling through my piles of notes, calling  friends and asking for advice.

And then, inevitably, I would get really frustrated and just STOP. Instead of doing, I would get into a state of “being” —  Taking a shower, going for a walk, getting in bed and napping.  And low and behold, out of nowhere, I would be doing nothing and the next idea would bubble out.

It was in the being, not the doing, that the next idea emerged. Every time!

What I learned through all of that was this…Sure, there are time when we need to DO. However, taking the time to BE first is a much more efficient and effective way to get stuff done. In the being there’s more room for our authentic self, the wise knowing that exists beyond this limited body, to bubble up and for us to actually hear it.

 

do, be, do, be, do…

be.

Interested in hearing more about the power of the pause? Check out my 2010 TEDx Austin talk.

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On Toddlerhood

I have a dream.

In this dream, every single parent on the planet understands why children do what they do and feels fully equipped to expertly guide their little growing people as they unfold into who they are, essentially.

This profound understanding of children comes from new knowledge which hasn’t been widely available. Until now.

I created a brand new program that offers laser-focused parenting guidance. What you gain from this program is a quantum leap in your understanding of human development, which brings more joy to parenting and allows you to experience way more ease in the day to day of family life.

Sound like something you want?  Click the image to check it out and jump in!

This evolutionary program is called On Toddlerhood, and it is part of a growing series I’m creating called On Humanhood. (These programs are the result of my experience, expertise, insight, and thoughts…On Humanhood)

I’m excited to offer On Toddlerhood as my first of the series, because through the years, I’ve received a lot of feedback from parents wishing I had an accessible program that brings sound, practical advice and offers a roadmap to navigate these wild and wonderful years of parenting young children.

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On Toddlerhood provides a super easy way to access crucial parenting knowledge that completely changes the parenting experience by offering you a whole new understanding of how and why little growing people do what they do and what they need from the bigger growing people guiding and caring for them.

On Todderhood is a brand new program that does exactly that.  So go check it out, jump in, and get yourself and your family on the path of joy and ease!

A Newborn Person’s Guide to Early Parenting

1. I am a whole person – Even though I arrived in a very small and physically limited body I’m in here. Relate to me with respect, kindness and gentleness. It feels so good.

2. I feel most relaxed when I feel physically and emotionally safe – In the early weeks, months I feel safest when I can feel the people who love me nearby. You are my safe base.

3. I love to feel loved – Shower me with as much love and delight as you can possibly muster inside of you. There’s no such thing as too much love!

4. I’m working hard to understand what you are saying to me – Speak the verbal, physical, emotional, social, etc. languages you want me to learn. I’m listening and taking it all in and soon enough I will be speaking them back to you.

5. I am very sensitive – I’ve been inside of my mom for nine months. I’m thrilled to be out here experiencing this big beautiful world but I need you to realize that things are much more heightened and intense for me and I can get overwhelmed easily.

6. Be gentle and slow with transitions – It can be scary when things go too fast and can often leave me feeling feeling abandoned or invaded. I know that’s not your intention but sometimes that’s how it feels.

7. I love to play – Get in sync with me and follow my lead in this arena, I’m a master at the art of play.

8. I can’t verbally tell you how I am feeling – but I am showing you how I am feeling through my body motions, facial expressions and emotional communications.

9. It takes a village – My emotional needs are pretty big. I know you can’t do it all. And I don’t expect you to. It’s fun to be surrounded by lots of people who love me, who love us. I enjoy being with people who are relaxed and rested and if that means you having breaks and me being with other people who love me, please do it.

10. Make your life great – I feel safe and secure when you are feeling joyful. Taking time to take care of yourself benefits all of us. I promise.

Also, check out this beautiful, soothing video of a bath.

And for even more on being with brand new people, check out my book CALMS A Guide To Soothing Your Baby

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Ahhhhhhh…space.

 

This weekend…

remember

to make space.

 

Around your thoughts.

Around your feelings.

Around your children.

Around your partner.

Around your work.

Around your tasks.

Around your fears.

Around your wonderings.

Around your mind.

Around your heart.

Whatever, whomever, where ever, just allow there to be

s  p  a  c  e.

Feel free to comment below and share how you plan on making space this weekend.

Here’s to a spaciously spacious day and weekend!

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On Toddlerhood!!

Wow!  I’ve been reeling with joy at the amazing feedback that this is exactly what people are looking for…yay!

If you struggle with meltdowns and unsavory behavior, On Toddlerhood is for you.

If you feel overwhelmed physically and emotionally, On Toddlerhood is for you.

If you feel like there is something missing in your relationship with your little one or you want to know how you can stay connected through the days, months and years, On Toddlerhood is for you.

If you’re wanting maximum cooperation AND connection – without having to give one up for the other – On Toddlerhood is for you.

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On Toddlerhood is a content-rich course that gives you a clear and simple roadmap for navigating family life during this phase of development with ease and joy.

In just 6 weeks you’ll be looking through an entirely different set of parenting eyes, and my guess is that life as a parent will never be the same for you.

Jump in and get yourself and your family on track for maximum cooperation,  connection, ease and joy!

 

Correcting the Misunderstanding…On Toddlerhood

Yesterday, I confessed – there’s been a huge misunderstanding about the way we comprehend little people and development. Today, I want to share a solution to this misunderstanding.

Let’s be honest – in a perfect world, every single parent on the planet understands why kids do what they do. And each and every parent feels fully equipped to expertly guide their little growing people as they unfold into who they are, essentially.

What’s fantastic is that – this possibility can be a reality.

No lie.

This profound connection to children comes from new knowledge which hasn’t been widely available. Until now.

I created a brand new program that offers laser-focused parenting guidance. What you gain from this program is a quantum leap in your understanding of human development, which brings more joy to parenting and allows you to experience way more ease in the day to day of family life.

Check out this video to learn more!

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I created this evolutionary program called

On Toddlerhood, which is part of my developing series,

On Humanhood. (These programs are the result of my expertise, insight, and experience…OnHumanhood. ;)

I’m excited to offer OnToddlerhood because through the years, I’ve received a lot of feedback from parents wishing I had an accessible program that brings sound advice and offers a roadmap to navigate these interesting years of parenting young children.

On Todderhood does exactly that.  So go check it out, jump in, and get yourself and your family on the path of joy and ease!

Brimming with excitement,

p.s.  There are three ways you can experience the On Toddlerhood course: so have a look and see which course experience most resonates with you.

p.p.s. Know a parent of a toddler or young child? The self-guided course is a super affordable, crazy thoughtful, life changing, make you their favorite person ever – gift!

A HUGE Misunderstanding

That thought that hit me like a ton of bricks? We need to take just about everything we thought we knew about toddlers and young children and throw it out the window. Seriously.

Looking at little people with a completely fresh set of eyes is more than likely the best thing that parents can do for themselves and their kids right now.

Watch the video, and stay tuned for some (exciting!) goodness coming your way tomorrow.

Oh, be sure to enlarge the video. It’s extra delightful that way!

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A special thanks to my dear friend Ron Pippin over at Shiny Object for this fun and fabulous video. His next one is even better.

This Mother’s Day…

 

My wish for you:

 

Let loose

Go crazy

Have fun

Do a jig

Make a mess

Take a breath

Live it up

Laugh like crazy

Take a nap

Say something silly

Eat what you want

Take another nap

Be with your kids

Don’t be with your kids

Soak in the love, love, love!

Whatever you do this Sunday…

Make it great!

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Happy Mother’s Day, all you beautiful mamas out there.

Thanks for all you do for the little growing people. It’s monumental and most appreciated.

xo,

Carrie

Q&A – I need more tricks for my toddler!

All of your information was very helpful and I feel like I have learned some new techniques for dealing with myself and my little budding preschooler. What I still am not certain about is what to do when my child is behaving in a way that I don’t think is appropriate – how to get the behavior to stop.

For example, what do you do when a child continues to hit a sibling or pet? I’ve said to him, “we don’t hit people”, “our dog is our friend and we don’t hit her”, etc, but oftentimes he’ll just ignore me and continue hitting.

Or another example might be jumping off the couch. If I tell him that we don’t jump off the couch, or that I’d like him to stop (and this might be multiple times), sometimes he’ll either tell me ‘no’ or just keeps doing what I’ve asked him not to.

I know that in some instances I could offer another alternative (like, if he needs to hit, he can hit pillows; or if he wants to jump, we can go outside to jump), but other times it’s just not feasible to do that. I’ve told him before that if he can’t stop whatever unsavory behavior he’s doing then he’ll have to take a break by himself in his room, but I’m conflicted on whether or not I think that that’s the best thing to do. Aside from what I’ve mentioned, I’m out of tricks. Do you have any advice?

Ooooh, yes! It can be super frustrating when you set the boundary and your little one keeps doing the behavior.

Two things are most likely at play:

1) he’s enjoying himself and doesn’t actually want to stop doing it.

2) he’s getting attention for doing it.

He’s still little (not even three yet, right?). He needs way more attention for the behaviors you want more of and way less attention for the things you don’t.

Continue to give him the yes’s (“we hit pillows, we hit couches. We don’t hit people or animals…”)

If hitting the dog is an issue lately, spend some time in the morning (and throughout the day) reminding him that the dog is our friend and we need to be gentle. We touch kindly.

If you see him going toward the dog, try to intervene and redirect his attention without mentioning the dog. You might say, “Oh my, look at that bird outside. Come, let’s look at it). Catch him and give him positive playful energy BEFORE he gets to the dog. This may mean you are kind of shadowing him for a little bit. Try it for a day or two and see what happens. If he senses he can get your full attention without messing with the dog it’s possible that he will diminish that behavior.

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If he does hit the dog, as calmly as you can walk over and quietly say, “no sir. You may not hit the dog” and physically move his body away from the dog. Without a lot of energy. Less energy then you would give him for doing the things you DO want him to do.You can go to his room with him and just be there calmly. He may freak out, he may not. Either way just be very neutral. Any talking or trying to teach the lesson at that point is not going to get you the desired outcome.

He needs to feel less energy from you for doing that behavior than more. If you want to learn more about this philosophy you can check out a book called “Transforming the Difficult Child” (I don’t love that title but the book is very good). There’s also a good section on boundaries in “Brain Rules For Babies.”

Bottom line: Give him a clear sense of what is ok, lots of love and attention when he’s doing things you want more of, and then clear and in the moment redirecting when there is undesirable behavior happening.

Make sure the energy for positive stuff are FAR OUTWEIGHING the energy for negative stuff.

Finally, it’s important to realize that all of this is going to take time. But the first steps are to give MORE energy and attention to what you want and far less energy and attention to what you don’t want.

And make sure he has lots of time and space to be very active and physical. Boys his age are VERY active and they need lots of time to throw and run and roughhouse. If they don’t get it it will come out on people and animals.

I hope this is helpful. Please let me know your thoughts.

 

Like this topic? Cool!

I’m launching a new program specifically for Toddlers soon!

 

Find the Play in Parenting

Oh my goodness, everyone, today is beautiful here in Austin! It’s warm, but breezy, sunny, but not sweaty…it is just oh-so-perfect for PLAY!

Play is one of my favorite things. As humans, we learn through play, we delight in play, we grow in play.

But for many, that freedom to play gets trained out of us. The thing is – play for your little ones is crucially important for their development. In this talk, Play Is More than Fun, It’s Vital, Play Researcher Stuart Brown makes an excellent case for the importance of play, not just in childhood, but throughout life.

And I share this with you, not to make you feel like there’s one more thing on your list of to-dos. In fact, I share this with you to help accomplish your list! Connecting and playfully guiding your little one brings ease and joy into the (sometimes irrationally frustrating) tasks of tying shoes, brushing teeth, making dinner, and and and!

Check out two stories from participants in my Evolve Program about how they find play in parenting.

When I don’t feel well, I can lay on the couch or floor and entertain the girls for a long time being their patient. If I get a brand new (clean) toothbrush and floss pick, they love brushing my teeth and flossing them. They love playing doctor to my patient and taking care of me. It is interactive, imaginative, connecting play all while I get to lay down and rest. win-win. : )

……..

Timers are FUN. Often I feel like getting the timer out somehow is NOT fun and is in fact a consequence. But these are just my feelings. For my son timers are FUN and I need to see it from his perspective. Often we get the timer our at dinner time because he can be so distracted and dinner is no fun for anyone when I’m constantly reminding him to eat… IT all shifts when we get the timer out. He picks the time, sets it, and then the eating just magically happens. It’s a contest he wants to win. He’s NOT shoveling food down, but he is eating and keeping track of the time and dinner takes on a whole new attitude.*

 

I encourage you to take some time and make a list of ways you can start to incorporate a playful attitude, and actual moments for play, into your parenting. When the list is already developed, you’re more likely to use it. Stretch and flex that play muscle, then you’ll be improving and playing in no time. And if you are at a loss for ideas, I’ve included 60 ideas –> .

This list is a combination of some of my favorite people’s ideas and a bunch of my own. I recommend you pull from this list and/or create your own to suit the needs of your family.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Finding the Play in Parenting

1. Dance party! – put music on and dance dance dance

2. Kick a ball outside

3. Roll cars down the hallway

4. Stack blocks into huge tower

5. Sandbox time!

6. Jump on the bed

7. Board games

8. Chase around the house

9. Playing toss with soft objects into laundry basket

10. Snowball fight with cotton balls

11. Toilet paper fight – you can use the mess as a future paper towel

12. Tissue bonanza – let each child have their own box of tissues to do as they wish

13. Collect rocks in backyard

14. Make a sheet tent

15. Animal noise time!

16. Wrap up random objects around the house and open them like presents

17. Play hide and seek

18. Music instrument time

19. Family yoga time

20. Sing ‘Head Shoulders Knees and Toes’ as slow and then as fast as you can

21. Spin around in circles in the backyard

22. Call or Skype with loved ones

23. Draw pictures of each other

24. Make funny faces in the mirror

25. Paint our toe nails

26. Play follow the leader about the house

27. Qtips – use them for any and everything they aren’t designed for!

28. Glue things together

29. Popsicle stick art

30. Make popsicles

31. Bake cookies

32. Chop veggies

33. Play-dough

34. Wash plants

35. Plant seeds in cups and place by the window

36. Pillow fort in the living room

37. Living room camp out

38. Blanket on the grass

39. Look for shooting stars

40. Hide and seek

41. Neighborhood walk

42. Eye spy

43. Massage

44. Tell stories of when everyone was a baby

45. Challenges

46. Nature collage

47. Experiments with food

48. Food coloring on coffee filters

49. Blow bubbles

50. Obstacle course

51. Please and thank you game

52. I’m so…mad, sad, frustrated, excited, happy, tired… pick an emotion and run around playing how you can express it

53. Make up silly words

54. Freaky Friday – pretend you are the kid and the kid is the adult

55. Breakfast for dinner

56. Draw together

57. What if…

58. Puddle jumping

59. Look for worms – anywhere in the house!

60. Look at family photos and tell stories, even let them make up stories about people they don’t know

 

*Craving more good stories? Check out my bestie’s compilation - Slow Family Living!