It Didn't Start with You Quotes

“When your grandmother was five months pregnant with your mother, the precursor cell of the egg you developed from was already present in your mother’s ovaries.”
― Mark Wolynn, It Didn't Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle

“When a child takes on a parent's burden—whether consciously or unconsciously—he or she misses out on the experience of being given to, and can have difficultly receiving from relationships later in life. A child who takes care of a parent often forges a lifelong pattern of overextension and creates a blueprint for habitually feeling overwhelmed.”
― Mark Wolynn, It Didn't Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle

“When this happens, we can feel entirely out of sync with ourselves. Our thoughts can become overpowering, and we can feel overwhelmed—even frightened—by the sensations that flood our body. Because the trauma existed so early, it often remains hidden beyond our awareness. We know there's a problem, but we can't quite put our finger on the “what happened” part of it. Instead, we surmise that we're the problem, that something inside us is “off” In our fear and anxiety, we often try to control our environment to feel safe. That's because we had so little control when we were small, and there was likely not a safe place for the intense emotions we experienced. Without our consciously changing the pattern, bonding injuries can echo for generations.”
― Mark Wolynn, It Didn't Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle

“Por entonces no había caído todavía en la cuenta de que, cuando intentemos resistirnos a algún sentimiento doloroso, lo que solemos conseguir es prolongar ese mismo dolor que queremos evitar”
― Mark Wolynn, It Didn't Start with You

“la muerte temprana de un hijo, de un padre o de un hermano) pueden producir unas ondas sísmicas de aflicción que se transmiten de generación en generación. Los últimos avances en los campos de la biología celular, la neurociencia,”
― Mark Wolynn, Este dolor no es mío

“Si queremos abrazar la vida y conocer la verdadera alegría, si queremos de verdad tener relaciones personales profundas y satisfactorias y una salud radiante y resistente, si queremos de verdad vivir hasta el máximo de nuestras posibilidades, libres de la sensación de estar rotos por dentro, tenemos que empezar por reparar nuestras relaciones con nuestros padres cuando están rotas.”
― Mark Wolynn, Este dolor no es mío

“Los grandes maestros comprenden que nuestro origen afecta a nuestro destino y que lo que queda por resolver de nuestro pasado influye sobre nuestro presente. Saben que nuestros padres tienen importancia, con independencia de si saben ser buenos padres o no. Es innegable: la historia de nuestra familia es nuestra historia. Reside en nosotros, nos guste o no. No podemos deshacernos de nuestros padres ni suprimirlos, sea cual sea la historia que tengamos con ellos. Ellos están en nosotros y nosotros formamos parte de ellos, aunque ni siquiera hayamos llegado a conocerlos. Si los rechazamos, solo conseguimos distanciarnos más de nosotros mismos y crear más sufrimiento. Aquellos dos maestros habían sido capaces de verlo. Yo no. Mi ceguera era literal y metafórica al mismo tiempo. Ahora empezaba a despertar, sobre todo al hecho de que había dejado en mi casa un lío enorme. Llevaba años juzgando a mis padres con severidad. Me figuraba que yo estaba más capacitado, que era mucho más sensible y humano que ellos. Les culpaba de todas las cosas que yo creía que estaban mal en mi vida. Ahora, tenía que volver con ellos para reponer lo que me faltaba en mi propio ser, a saber, mi vulnerabilidad.”
― Mark Wolynn, Este dolor no es mío

“No podemos deshacernos de nuestros padres ni suprimirlos, sea cual sea la historia que tengamos con ellos. Ellos están en nosotros y nosotros formamos parte de ellos, aunque ni siquiera hayamos llegado a conocerlos. Si los rechazamos, solo conseguimos distanciarnos más de nosotros mismos y crear más sufrimiento. Aquellos dos maestros habían sido capaces de verlo. Yo no. Mi ceguera era literal y metafórica al mismo tiempo. Ahora empezaba a despertar, sobre todo al hecho de que había dejado en mi casa un lío enorme. Llevaba años juzgando a mis padres con severidad. Me figuraba que yo estaba más capacitado, que era mucho más sensible y humano que ellos. Les culpaba de todas las cosas que yo creía que estaban mal en mi vida. Ahora, tenía que volver con ellos para reponer lo que me faltaba en mi propio ser, a saber, mi vulnerabilidad.”
― Mark Wolynn, Este dolor no es mío

“Los grandes maestros comprenden que nuestro origen afecta a nuestro destino y que lo que queda por resolver de nuestro pasado influye sobre nuestro presente. Saben que nuestros padres tienen importancia, con independencia de si saben ser buenos padres o no. Es innegable: la historia de nuestra familia es nuestra historia. Reside en nosotros, nos guste o no. No”
― Mark Wolynn, Este dolor no es mío

“Por entonces no había caído todavía en la cuenta de que, cuando intentamos resistirnos a algún sentimiento doloroso, lo que solemos conseguir es prolongar ese mismo dolor que queremos evitar. Esta actitud desemboca en la continuación del sufrimiento. Y el hecho mismo de buscar tiene algo que nos bloquea lo que buscamos. Ese estar mirando siempre fuera de nosotros mismos puede impedirnos saber cuándo hemos dado con el objetivo. Puede que esté teniendo lugar algo valioso dentro de nosotros; pero corremos el riesgo”
― Mark Wolynn, Este dolor no es mío

“el hecho mismo de buscar tiene algo que nos bloquea lo que buscamos. Ese estar mirando siempre fuera de nosotros mismos puede impedirnos saber cuándo hemos dado con el objetivo.”
― Mark Wolynn, Este dolor no es mío

“out looking like adversity was actually grace in disguise.”
― Mark Wolynn, It Didn't Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle

“no todas las conductas que expresamos surgen en realidad de dentro de nosotros. Es fácil que pertenezcan a miembros de nuestra familia que nos precedieron. Puede que no hagamos más que portar los sentimientos de ellos o que compartirlos. A estos los llamamos «sentimientos de identificación».”
― Mark Wolynn, Este dolor no es mío

“«la mente es adherente como el velcro para las experiencias negativas, y resbaladiza como el teflón para las positivas»”
― Mark Wolynn, Este dolor no es mío

“Como estamos viendo, es muy poco probable que se dé una vida completamente libre de traumas. Los traumas no duermen, ni siquiera con la muerte; antes bien, siguen buscando terreno fértil para su resolución en las criaturas de las generaciones siguientes.”
― Mark Wolynn, Este dolor no es mío

“cuando identificamos las fuentes de nuestros traumas generacionales, nuestros fantasmas pueden «dejar de acosarnos, y pasar a formar parte de nuestra historia, sin más»83.”
― Mark Wolynn, Este dolor no es mío

“cuando el dolor es demasiado grande, las personas tienden a evitarlo. Pero cuando bloqueamos los sentimientos, estamos truncando, sin saberlo, el proceso necesario de curación que puede llevarnos hasta una liberación natural.”
― Mark Wolynn, Este dolor no es mío

“With a break in the mother-child bond among siblings, each child might express his or her disconnection with the mother differently. One child might become a people pleaser, fearing that if he’s not good, or he makes waves, he’ll lose connection with people. Another child, believing that connection is never hers to have in the first place, might become argumentative and create conflict to push away the people close to her. Another child might isolate and have little contact with people at all. I’ve noticed that if several siblings have breaks in the mother-child bond, they’ll often express anger or jealousy, or feel disconnected from one another. For example, an older child might resent the child born later, perceiving that the younger child received the love that he or she did not get. Because the hippocampus—that part of the brain involved in creating memories—isn’t fully operational until after the age of two, the older child may not consciously remember being held, fed, or cuddled by the mother, but remembers the younger child receiving their mother’s love. In response, the older child, feeling slighted, can unconsciously blame the younger child for getting what he or she did not. And then, of course, there are some children who don’t seem to carry any family trauma at all. For these children, it’s quite possible that a successful bond was established with the mother and/or father, and this connection helped to immunize the child from carrying entanglements from the past. Perhaps a window of time opened in which the mother was able to give more to one particular child and not the others. Perhaps the parents’ relationship improved. Perhaps the mother experienced a special connection with one child, but couldn’t connect deeply with the others. Younger children often, though not always, seem to do a bit better than first children, or only children, who seem to carry a bigger portion of unfinished business from the family history. When it comes to siblings and inherited family trauma, there are no hard and fast rules governing how each child is affected. Many variables, in addition to birth order and gender, can influence the choices siblings make and the lives they lead. Even though it may appear from the outside that one sibling is unscathed by trauma, while another is encumbered, my clinical experience gives me a different perspective: Most of us carry at least some residue from our family history. However, many intangibles also enter into the equation and can influence how deeply entrenched family traumas remain. These intangibles include self-awareness, the ability to self-soothe, and having a powerful internal healing experience.”
― Mark Wolynn, It Didn't Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle

“The emotionally charged words of our core language are keys to the nondeclarative memories that live both in our bodies and in the “body” of our family system. They are like gems in our unconscious waiting to be excavated. If we fail to recognize them as messengers, we miss important clues that can help us unravel the mystery behind our struggles. Once we dig them out, we take an essential step toward healing trauma.”
― Mark Wolynn, It Didn't Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle

“Yehuda was one of the first researchers to show how descendants of trauma survivors carry the physical and emotional symptoms of traumas they have not directly experienced.”
― Mark Wolynn, It Didn't Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle

“A life completely devoid of trauma, as we’re learning, is highly unlikely. Traumas do not sleep, even with death, but, rather, continue to look for the fertile ground of resolution in the children of the following generations. Fortunately, human beings are resilient and are capable of healing most types of trauma. This can happen at any time during our lives.”
― Mark Wolyn, It Didn't Start With You: How inherited family trauma shapes who we are and how to end the cycle

“A considerable amount of research has been dedicated to showing how meditation positively affects gene expression. One study conducted at the University of Wisconsin–Madison, published in the journal Psychoneuroendocrinology in 2013, revealed that meditators, after only eight hours of meditation, experienced clear genetic and molecular changes, including decreased levels of pro-inflammatory genes, which would enable them to physically recover from stressful situations more quickly.10 Church says that when we meditate, we are “bulking up the portions of our brains that produce happiness.”11”
― Mark Wolyn, It Didn't Start With You: How inherited family trauma shapes who we are and how to end the cycle

“Yehuda cree que las modificaciones epigenéticas inducidas por el estrés que heredamos de nuestro padre se producen antes de la concepción y se transmiten por el esperma del padre.”
― Mark Wolynn, Este dolor no es mío

“The unconscious insists, repeats, and practically breaks down the door, to be heard. The only way to hear it, to invite it into the room, is to stop imposing something over it—mostly in the form of your own ideas—and listen instead for the unsayable, which is everywhere, in speech, in enactments, in dreams, and in the body.”
― Mark Wolynn, It Didn't Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle

“In many ways, healing from trauma is akin to creating a poem. Both require the right timing, the right words, and the right image. When these elements align, something meaningful is set into motion that can be felt in the body. To heal, our pacing must be in tune. If we arrive too quickly at an image, it might not take root. If the words that comfort us arrive too early, we might not be ready to take them in. If the words aren’t precise, we might not hear them or resonate with them at all.”
― Mark Wolynn, It Didn't Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle

“I learned how my mind continually taunted me with worst-case-scenario thinking and the lie that if I just worried hard enough, I could insulate myself from what I feared most.”
― Mark Wolynn, It Didn't Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle

“The great teachers understand that where we come from affects where we go, and that what sits unresolved in our past influences our present. They know that our parents are important, regardless of whether they are good at parenting or not. There’s no way around it: The family story is our story. Like it or not, it resides within us.”
― Mark Wolynn, It Didn't Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle

“Los investigadores están descubriendo que nuestros pensamientos, nuestras imágenes interiores y las prácticas diarias como la visualización y la meditación pueden cambiar el modo de expresarse de nuestros genes.”
― Mark Wolynn, Este dolor no es mío

“Sigmund Freud identificó esta pauta hace más de cien años. La repetición traumática o «compulsión de repetición», como la denominó, es un intento por parte del inconsciente de volver a vivir lo que ha quedado por resolver, para intentar «hacerlo bien». Este impulso inconsciente de volver a vivir los hechos del pasado puede ser uno de los mecanismos que intervienen cuando las familias repiten en generaciones posteriores los traumas pendientes de resolver.”
― Mark Wolynn, Este dolor no es mío

“Visualiza que tienes delante a tus padres biológicos. Si no los llegaste a conocer, o si no eres capaz de visualizarlos, limítate a sentir su presencia. Mantén la imagen y hazte las preguntas siguientes: ¿Los estoy acogiendo, o me estoy cerrando a ellos? ¿Siento que ellos me acogen a mí? ¿Siento a uno de manera distinta del otro? ¿Tengo el cuerpo relajado al visualizarlos, o lo tengo tenso? Si estuviera fluyendo de ellos a mí una fuerza vivificadora, ¿qué proporción me estaría llegando? ¿Un 5 por ciento? ¿Un 25, un 50, un 75 por ciento? ¿O toda la fuerza, el cien por cien?”
― Mark Wolynn, Este dolor no es mío