It Didn't Start with You Quotes

“The unconscious insists, repeats, and practically breaks down the door, to be heard.”
― Mark Wolynn, It Didn't Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle

“In a dark time, the eye begins to see...”
― Mark Wolynn, It Didn't Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle

“Las atrocidades (...) no se dejan enterrar. (...) En las tradiciones populares abundan los fantasmas que se niegan a descansar en sus tumbas hasta que no se dan a conocer sus historias. Judith Herman, Trauma and Recovery (Trauma y recuperación)”
― Mark Wolynn, Este dolor no es mío

“Los biólogos evolutivos confirman esta premisa. Explican que nuestras amígdalas cerebrales dedican unas dos terceras partes de sus neuronas a detectar amenazas. A consecuencia de ello, es más fácil que se almacenen en nuestra memoria a largo plazo los hechos temibles y dolorosos que los hechos agradables. Los científicos llaman a este mecanismo por defecto «sesgo de negatividad», y es perfectamente lógico. Nuestra supervivencia misma depende de nuestra capacidad para detectar las posibles amenazas. Según”
― Mark Wolynn, Este dolor no es mío

“Lo que menos desea un padre es ver sufrir a su hijo por él. Si nosotros, como hijos, nos creemos más capacitados que nuestros padres para cargar con sus sufrimientos, estamos cayendo en la arrogancia y en el orgullo y, además, no estamos en sintonía con el orden de la vida. Nuestros padres existieron antes que nosotros. Nos criaron y nos cuidaron para que pudiésemos subsistir. Cuando éramos recién nacidos, nosotros no cuidábamos de ellos.”
― Mark Wolynn, Este dolor no es mío

“Como Doidge, el neurocientífico Michael Merzenich, uno de los investigadores más destacados en el terreno de la neuroplasticidad, afirma que «cuando practicamos una habilidad nueva en condiciones adecuadas, pueden cambiarnos centenares o incluso miles de millones de conexiones entre las neuronas de nuestro mapa cerebral»84. Cuando se ha establecido un nuevo mapa cerebral, pueden surgir de manera orgánica nuevos pensamientos, sentimientos y conductas, que amplían nuestro repertorio cuando aparecen los miedos antiguos. Cuando establecemos la relación con lo que está detrás de nuestros miedos y de nuestros síntomas, ya estamos abriendo nuevas posibilidades de resolución. En algunos casos, nos basta con haber alcanzado esta nueva comprensión para que dejemos de lado nuestras viejas imágenes dolorosas e iniciemos una liberación visceral que podremos sentir en el núcleo mismo de nuestro cuerpo. En otros casos, establecer la relación solo tiene el efecto de que comprendamos mejor, pero nos hace falta algo más para integrar plenamente lo que hemos descubierto. Necesitaremos frases, ritos, prácticas o ejercicios que nos ayuden a forjar una nueva imagen interior. La nueva imagen puede llenarnos de una provisión interior de calma, convirtiéndose en punto de referencia de paz interior al que podemos regresar una y otra vez. Cuando tenemos arraigado un nuevo mapa cerebral, pensamientos nuevos, sentimientos nuevos y sensaciones nuevas, inauguramos una nueva experiencia interior de bienestar que empieza a competir con nuestras viejas reacciones traumáticas y con el poder de estas para llevarnos por el mal camino. Cuanto”
― Mark Wolynn, Este dolor no es mío

“A nivel neurofisiológico, cada vez que practicamos la experiencia beneficiosa estamos apartando la intervención del centro de nuestro cerebro que se dedica a responder al trauma, y dirigiéndola hacia otras áreas del cerebro, más concretamente hacia el córtex prefrontal, donde podemos integrar la experiencia nueva y se pueden producir cambios neuroplásticos.”
― Mark Wolynn, Este dolor no es mío

“and skin—surprisingly makes up less than 2 percent of our total DNA.14 The other 98 percent consists of what is called noncoding DNA (ncDNA), and is responsible for many of the emotional, behavioral, and personality traits we inherit.15 Scientists used to call it “junk DNA,” thinking it was mostly useless, but they’ve recently begun to recognize its significance. Interestingly, the percentage of noncoding DNA increases with the complexity of the organism, with humans having the highest percentage.16”
― Mark Wolynn, It Didn't Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle

“Broken relationships often stem from painful events in our family history and can repeat for generations until we summon the courage to let go of our judging minds, open our constricted hearts, and regard our parents and other family members with the light of compassion.”
― Mark Wolynn, It Didn't Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle

“The last thing parents would want to see is their child suffering on their behalf. It is arrogant and inflated to think that we, as children, are better equipped to handle our parents’ suffering than they are. It is also out of tune with the order of life. Our parents existed before we did. They provided for us so that we could survive. We did not, as infants, provide for them.”
― Mark Wolynn, It Didn't Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle

“We look for answers in the usual places. We focus on the deficits in our upbringing. We mull over the upsetting events in our childhood that left us feeling powerless. We blame our parents for unfortunate things that happened to us. We visit the same thoughts over and over again. Yet remembering in this way rarely makes things better. Without the origin of our issue in sight, our complaints merely perpetuate our continued unhappiness.”
― Mark Wolynn, It Didn't Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle

“La repetición traumática o «compulsión de repetición», como la denominó, es un intento por parte del inconsciente de volver a vivir lo que ha quedado por resolver, para intentar «hacerlo bien».”
― Mark Wolynn, Este dolor no es mío

“Yehuda’s research demonstrates that you and I are three times more likely to experience symptoms of PTSD if one of our parents had PTSD, and as a result, we’re likely to suffer from depression or anxiety.4 She believes that this type of generational PTSD is inherited rather than occurring from our being exposed to our parents’ stories of their ordeals.”
― Mark Wolynn, It Didn't Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle

“To heal, our pacing must be in tune. If we arrive too quickly at an image, it might not take root. If the words that comfort us arrive too early, we might not be ready to take them in. If the words aren’t precise, we might not hear them or resonate with them at all.”
― Mark Wolynn, It Didn't Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle

“In an August 2015 study published in Biological Psychiatry, Yehuda and her team at New York’s Mount Sinai Hospital demonstrated that gene changes could be transmitted from parents to their children. Analyzing a particular region of the FKBP5 gene, which is associated with stress regulation, Yehuda and her team found that Jews who had experienced trauma during the Holocaust, and their children, shared a similar genetic pattern. Specifically, they found epigenetic tags on the very same part of the gene in both parent and child. They compared the results with Jewish”
― Mark Wolynn, It Didn't Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle

“cuando intentamos resistirnos a algún sentimiento doloroso, lo que solemos conseguir es prolongar ese mismo dolor que queremos evitar.”
― Mark Wolynn, Este dolor no es mío

“A veces, el dolor queda sumergido hasta que puede encontrar una vía para manifestarse o resolverse.”
― Mark Wolynn, Este dolor no es mío

“No podemos deshacernos de nuestros padres ni suprimirlos, sea cual sea la historia que tengamos con ellos. Ellos están en nosotros y nosotros formamos parte de ellos, aunque ni siquiera hayamos llegado a conocerlos. Si los rechazamos, solo conseguimos distanciarnos más de nosotros mismos y crear más sufrimiento. Aquellos”
― Mark Wolynn, Este dolor no es mío

“«las emociones de la madre, como el miedo, la ira, el amor y la esperanza, entre otras, pueden alterar bioquímicamente la expresión genética de sus hijos»”
― Mark Wolynn, Este dolor no es mío

“Estaba siendo capaz por primera vez, que yo recordara, de permitirme a mí mismo recibir el amor y el cariño de mis padres; no del modo que yo había esperado en otros tiempos, sino del modo en que ellos eran capaces de dármelo.”
― Mark Wolynn, Este dolor no es mío

“how our amygdala uses about two thirds of its neurons scanning for threats. As a result, painful and frightening events are more easily stored in our long-term memory than pleasant events. Scientists call this default mechanism a “negativity bias,” and it makes perfect sense. Our very survival depends on being able to screen out potential attacks.”
― Mark Wolynn, It Didn't Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle

“When we, as small children, experienced our safety or security being threatened, our bodies reacted by erecting defenses. These unconscious defenses then become our default, orienting our attention toward what’s difficult or unsettling, instead of registering what’s comforting. It’s as though our positive memories live on the other side of a wall just out of our reach. Only able to reside on one side of the wall, we truly believe nothing good ever happened to us. It’s as though we have rewritten history, keeping only those memories that support our primitive defensive structure, defenses that have been with us so long, they become us.”
― Mark Wolynn, It Didn't Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle

“Ask yourself: Do you reject, blame, or judge a parent for something you feel he or she has done to you? Do you disrespect one or both of your parents? Have you cut yourself off from either of them?”
― Mark Wolynn, It Didn't Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle

“our parents are the gateway to the hidden strengths and creative forces, as well as the challenges, that are also part of our ancestral legacy. Whether they’re dead or alive, whether we’re distant from them or our relationship is amicable, our parents—and the traumas they’ve experienced or inherited—hold a key to our healing.”
― Mark Wolynn, It Didn't Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle

“When it comes to siblings and inherited family trauma, there are no hard and fast rules governing how each child is affected. Many variables, in addition to birth order and gender, can influence the choices siblings make and the lives they lead.”
― Mark Wolynn, It Didn't Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle

“epigenetic changes biologically prepare us to cope with the traumas that our parents experienced.20 In preparation for similar stressors, we’re born with a specific set of tools to help us survive.”
― Mark Wolynn, It Didn't Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle

“chromosomal DNA—the DNA responsible for transmitting physical traits, such as the color of our hair, eyes, and skin—surprisingly makes up less than 2 percent of our total DNA.14 The other 98 percent consists of what is called noncoding DNA (ncDNA), and is responsible for many of the emotional, behavioral, and personality traits we inherit.”
― Mark Wolynn, It Didn't Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle

“The mother’s emotions, such as fear, anger, love, hope among others, can biochemically alter the genetic expression of her offspring.”
― Mark Wolynn, It Didn't Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle

“our DNA can be affected by both negative and positive thoughts, beliefs, and emotions.”
― Mark Wolynn, It Didn't Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle

“The precursor cells of the sperm you developed from were present in your father when he was a fetus in his mother’s womb.2”
― Mark Wolynn, It Didn't Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle