The Anxiety Toolkit Quotes

“學者會用「臨床完美主義」（clinical perfectionism）這個術語來描述最易造成問題的完美主義。當臨床完美主義者設法達到他們的超高標準時，他們往往會得出這樣的結論：一般標準一定不夠高，必須再上修標準。這意味著他們永遠無法感到心安理得。”
― Alice Boyes, 與焦慮和解：克服過度完美主義、拖延症、害怕批評，從自我檢測中找回生活平衡的實用指南

“Virtually every version of CBT for anxiety disorders involves working through what’s called an exposure hierarchy. The concept is simple. You make a list of all the situations and behaviors you avoid due to anxiety. You then assign a number to each item on your list based on how anxiety provoking you expect doing the avoided behavior would be. Use numbers from 0 (= not anxiety provoking at all) to 100 (= you would fear having an instant panic attack). For example, attempting to talk to a famous person in your field at a conference might be an 80 on the 0-100 scale.
Sort your list in order, from least to most anxiety provoking. Aim to construct a list that has several avoided actions in each 10-point range. For example, several that fall between 20 and 30, between 30 and 40, and so on, on your anxiety scale. That way, you won’t have any jumps that are too big. Omit things that are anxiety-provoking but wouldn’t actually benefit you (such as eating a fried insect).
Make a plan for how you can work through your hierarchy, starting at the bottom of the list. Where possible, repeat an avoided behavior several times before you move up to the next level. For example, if one of your items is talking to a colleague you find intimidating, do this several times (with the same or different colleagues) before moving on.
When you start doing things you’d usually avoid that are low on your hierarchy, you’ll gain the confidence you need to do the things that are higher up on your list. It’s important you don’t use what are called safety behaviors. Safety behaviors are things people do as an anxiety crutch—for example, wearing their lucky undies when they approach that famous person or excessively rehearsing what they plan to say.
There is a general consensus within psychology that exposure techniques like the one just described are among the most effective ways to reduce problems with anxiety. In clinical settings, people who do exposures get the most out of treatment. Some studies have even shown that just doing exposure can be as effective as therapies that also include extensive work on thoughts. If you want to turbocharge your results, try exposure. If you find it too difficult to do alone, consider working with a therapist.”
― Alice Boyes, The Anxiety Toolkit: Strategies for Fine-Tuning Your Mind and Moving Past Your Stuck Points

“當你發現自己正在拖延時，就瀏覽以下這個思維錯誤的列表，看看是否有幫助。”
― Alice Boyes, 與焦慮和解：克服過度完美主義、拖延症、害怕批評，從自我檢測中找回生活平衡的實用指南

“Anxious people tend to think about the potential harm of acting more than the potential harm of not acting.”
― Alice Boyes, The Anxiety Toolkit: Strategies for Fine-Tuning Your Mind and Moving Past Your Stuck Points

“焦慮本身不是個問題。當焦慮升高到使你停滯，而你陷入了困境，這才是個問題。我認為這些瓶頸就像是焦慮的陷阱。我們將要來處理你對五種焦慮陷阱的反應：過度猶豫不決、反芻思考與擔憂、因完美主義而停滯、害怕建議與批評，以及逃避（包含拖延）。”
― Alice Boyes, 與焦慮和解：克服過度完美主義、拖延症、害怕批評，從自我檢測中找回生活平衡的實用指南

“首先是建立自我認識，理解哪些思維和行為模式會引發及持續你的焦慮。透過焦慮研究，我們已經知道了這些模式，接著我將討論到如何學會辨認它們。”
― Alice Boyes, 與焦慮和解：克服過度完美主義、拖延症、害怕批評，從自我檢測中找回生活平衡的實用指南

“我們可能一直在做一些短期內能減少焦慮的事情，像是避開那些會使我們陷入焦慮的情況;但從長遠來看，卻實際上反而增加了焦慮。”
― Alice Boyes, 與焦慮和解：克服過度完美主義、拖延症、害怕批評，從自我檢測中找回生活平衡的實用指南

“但其實是一種演化的優勢，一種能讓我們停下來審視周遭的高度警戒系統。”
― Alice Boyes, 與焦慮和解：克服過度完美主義、拖延症、害怕批評，從自我檢測中找回生活平衡的實用指南

“Anxiety-prone people who don’t like uncertainty can be especially likely to ruminate about why something has happened and come up with explanations involving excessive personalizing. To overcome this, you need to learn to tolerate that you’re not always going to know why people behave the way they do.”
― Alice Boyes, The Anxiety Toolkit: Strategies for Fine-Tuning Your Mind and Moving Past Your Stuck Points

“這些需要更多精力來處理變化的人，一直都是這麼死板且沒有適應力嗎？不是的，他們仍然可以非常有適應力，只要他們擁有足夠的自我認識，能夠以適合自己天性的方式來面對變化。如果他們在生活中有日常習慣、例行事務和人際關係，能夠給予他們基本程度的一致性和熟悉感，他們通常能以最好的方式運作。有可能只是每天吃一樣的早餐、擁有一段長期穩定的關係或周末去做些他們喜歡的例行活動，如此簡單的小事，”
― Alice Boyes, 與焦慮和解：克服過度完美主義、拖延症、害怕批評，從自我檢測中找回生活平衡的實用指南

“如果你具有焦慮的傾向，但去從事一個著重於避免錯誤的工作，對你來說似乎很無聊，那麼你就是所謂「感官刺激尋求」（sensation seeking）者。”
― Alice Boyes, 與焦慮和解：克服過度完美主義、拖延症、害怕批評，從自我檢測中找回生活平衡的實用指南

“To better manage your anxiety, you don’t need to understand the average anxious person—you need to understand the multidimensional you.”
― Alice Boyes, The Anxiety Toolkit: Strategies for Fine-Tuning Your Mind and Moving Past Your Stuck Points

“One of the reasons anxious people fear feedback is that they tend to judge their performance more harshly than others judge them.”
― Alice Boyes, The Anxiety Toolkit: Strategies for Fine-Tuning Your Mind and Moving Past Your Stuck Points

“成功地駕馭焦慮，也包含學習接受、喜愛你的天性，與你的天性共處，而不是去對抗它。”
― Alice Boyes, 與焦慮和解：克服過度完美主義、拖延症、害怕批評，從自我檢測中找回生活平衡的實用指南

“Anxiety itself isn’t the problem. The problem occurs when anxiety gets to the point that it’s paralyzing, and you become stuck. I”
― Alice Boyes, The Anxiety Toolkit: Strategies for Fine-Tuning Your Mind and Moving Past Your Stuck Points

“The Four Components of Anxiety Examples Behavioral component The urge to put off important but anxiety-provoking tasks The urge to keep seeking information rather than act The urge to wait for a go signal from someone else before acting Emotional component Feeling nervous, worried, or apprehensive Physical component Increased heart rate, sick feelings in your stomach Thought component Fear of failure Mentally replaying events when you’re worried about how other people might have perceived you”
― Alice Boyes, The Anxiety Toolkit: Strategies for Fine-Tuning Your Mind and Moving Past Your Stuck Points

“Although anxiety can sometimes seem like a flaw, it’s actually an evolutionary advantage, a hypervigilance system that causes us to pause and scan the environment.”
― Alice Boyes, The Anxiety Toolkit: Strategies for Fine-Tuning Your Mind and Moving Past Your Stuck Points

“Anxiety shows up as a variety of symptoms, from behavioral and emotional to physical and cognitive (which just means thoughts).”
― Alice Boyes, The Anxiety Toolkit: Strategies for Fine-Tuning Your Mind and Moving Past Your Stuck Points

“Anxiety is an emotional state characterized by feelings of worry, nervousness, and unease.”
― Alice Boyes, The Anxiety Toolkit: Strategies for Fine-Tuning Your Mind and Moving Past Your Stuck Points

“Experiment: To replace negative character labels, try the following steps:

1. Pick a new, positive character label that you would prefer. For example, if your old belief is “I’m incompetent,” you would likely pick “I’m competent.”

2. Rate how much you currently believe the old negative character label on a scale of 0 (= I don’t believe it at all) to 100 (= I believe it completely). Do the same for the new positive belief. For example, you might say you believe “I’m incompetent” at level 95 and believe “I’m competent” at level 10 (the numbers don’t need to add up to 100).

3. Create a Positive Data Log and a Historical Data Log. Strengthening your new, positive character label is often a more helpful approach than attempting to hack away at the old, negative one. I’m going to give you two experiments that will help you do this.

Positive Data Log. For two weeks, commit to writing down evidence that supports your new, positive character belief. For example, if you are trying to boost your belief in the thought “I’m competent” and you show up to an appointment on time, you can write that down as evidence.

Don’t fall into the cognitive trap of discounting some of the evidence. For example, if you make a mistake and then sort it out, it’s evidence of competence, not incompetence, so you could put that in your Positive Data Log.

Historical Data Log. This log looks back at periods of your life and finds evidence from those time periods that supports your positive character belief. This experiment helps people believe that the positive character quality represents part of their enduring nature. To do this experiment, split your life into whatever size chunks you want to split it into, such as four- to six-year periods. If you’re only in your 20s, then you might choose three- or four-year periods.

To continue the prior example, if you’re working on the belief “I’m competent,” then evidence from childhood might be things like learning to walk, talk, or make friends. You figured these things out. From your teen years, your evidence of general competency at life might be getting your driver’s license (yes, on the third try still counts). Evidence from your early college years could be things like successfully choosing a major and passing your courses. Evidence for after you finished your formal education might be related to finding work to support yourself and finding housing. You should include evidence in the social domain, like finding someone you wanted to date or figuring out how to break up with someone when you realized that relationship wasn’t the right fit for you. The general idea is to prove to yourself that “I’m competent” is more true than “I’m incompetent.”

Other positive character beliefs you might try to strengthen could be things like “I’m strong” (not weak), “I’m worthy of love” (not unlovable), and “I’m worthy of respect” (not worthless). Sometimes the flipside of a negative character belief is obvious, as in the case of strong/weak, but sometimes there are a couple of possible options that could be considered opposites; in this case, you can choose.

4. Rerate how much you believe the negative and positive character labels. There should have been a little bit of change as a result of doing the data logs. For example, you might bow believe “I’m incompetent” at only 50 instead of 95, and believe “I’m competent” at 60 instead of 10. You’ve probably had your negative character belief for a long time, so changing it isn’t like making a pack of instant noodles.”
― Alice Boyes, The Anxiety Toolkit: Strategies for Fine-Tuning Your Mind and Moving Past Your Stuck Points

“Replace Negative Character Labels

Negative character labels are an even more serious problem than fixed mindsets. Examples of negative character labels include “I’m selfish,” “I’m needy,” “I’m unlovable,” “I’m weak,” “I’m defective,” “I’m incompetent,” and “I’m worthless.” Such an uplifting list! Those negative beliefs sound quite dramatic when written down on the page, and sometimes people don’t realize that they hold those beliefs about themselves. If your immediate reaction is to say, “Oh, I don’t think any of those things about myself” or “Only someone who was super depressed would think those things,” then take an extra second to make sure you’re not even partially buying into these types of thoughts about yourself. It might be that you believe a negative character label only 20% of the time, but even that can still be an issue.
There are two types of negative character labels. Both can be changed. One type is very stable. For example, you believe you are incompetent, and you have never believed anything else, not even when you are in a positive mood. The other type is the type that goes up and down with your mood, anxiety, and stress. When your mood is low, you believe the negative character label much more strongly than when your mood is positive. If your negative character label changes due to transient things like your mood, anxiety, or stress, this can help you start to see that the belief is a product of these things rather than true.”
― Alice Boyes, The Anxiety Toolkit: Strategies for Fine-Tuning Your Mind and Moving Past Your Stuck Points

“Skills you dislike are often a fertile hunting ground for fixed mindsets that are still hiding and could possibly be challenged. What are some ways you could potentially pursue the disliked skill that would utilize your core strengths and interests? You don’t have to commit to doing anything; this is just a thought exercise. For example, someone who is into chemistry but not into cooking could start thinking about the chemistry aspects of cooking.”
― Alice Boyes, The Anxiety Toolkit: Strategies for Fine-Tuning Your Mind and Moving Past Your Stuck Points

“Once you have a short list of your top five strengths, try referring to this list when you have a problem you need to overcome. For example, if your strength is resourcefulness, then remember this strength when you need to solve a problem. To increase your psychological flexibility, try applying your strengths in new ways compared to how you’d usually apply them. For example, if you’d usually apply your resourcefulness to figuring out how to do a task yourself, try using your resourcefulness to find someone you could outsource that work to. If you’d usually apply your strength of conscientiousness to doing a task extremely thoroughly, try applying your conscientiousness to limiting the amount of time and energy you invest in the task and sticking to that limit.
Experiment: List your top five strengths as a person. Since you’re free to revise your list at any points (it’s yours after all), don’t get too perfectionist about it. Once you have your list, identify a task you currently need to do. How could you apply one of your top five strengths to approach that task in a new way?”
― Alice Boyes, The Anxiety Toolkit: Strategies for Fine-Tuning Your Mind and Moving Past Your Stuck Points

“Why am I making the point that even the most anxiety-prone people aren’t anxious all the time? Noticing the grayness and fuzziness involved in defining yourself in any one particular way will help your ongoing development of flexible thinking. The purpose of seeing the grayness of your nature is to not label yourself too rigidly.
Experiment: What’s a recent example of a situation that someone might’ve found anxiety provoking, but you didn’t?”
― Alice Boyes, The Anxiety Toolkit: Strategies for Fine-Tuning Your Mind and Moving Past Your Stuck Points

“If you doubt it, remember Wizard of Oz, in which the Lion worried he didn’t have bravery and the Tin Man worried he didn’t have a heart. They had those things all along; they just didn’t recognize those qualities in themselves.”
― Alice Boyes, The Anxiety Toolkit: Strategies for Fine-Tuning Your Mind and Moving Past Your Stuck Points

“Notice When You Don’t React to Situations in an Anxious Way

Even the most anxiety-prone person doesn’t always react to situations in an anxious way. Start paying attention to situations in which you:

--Naturally make positive predictions
--Feel confident in your ability to complete challenging tasks
--Receive feedback without personalizing it or catastrophizing
--Ask for what you want without being excessively hesitant
--Feel accepting and relaxed

Start to notice how you are sometimes anxiety-prone and sometimes confident, rather than thinking about anxiety-proneness and confidence as being mutually exclusive traits.”
― Alice Boyes, The Anxiety Toolkit: Strategies for Fine-Tuning Your Mind and Moving Past Your Stuck Points

“It’s really important that you like who you are. Provided you’re not a serial killer, no one deserves the emotional pain of going through life not liking themselves (yes you, even if you have flaws).”
― Alice Boyes, The Anxiety Toolkit: Strategies for Fine-Tuning Your Mind and Moving Past Your Stuck Points

“Milk, milk, milk involves taking a trigger word from whatever repetitive thought you’re having—such as breakup, alone, overwhelmed, foolish—and repeated that word as fast as possible for 30 seconds to two minutes. The technique is called milk, milk, milk because when people practice it with a therapist, the practice word used is milk.
How does the technique work? When you expose yourself over and over to whatever word is triggering your distress, it starts to lose its power in triggering painful memories and becomes just a sound.”
― Alice Boyes, The Anxiety Toolkit: Strategies for Fine-Tuning Your Mind and Moving Past Your Stuck Points

“Coming back to the theme of excessive responsibility taking: Anxious people sometimes spend too much time and energy trying to change other people. Be aware if you’re doing this as a way of avoiding focusing on yourself and your own goals. Of course it’s easier to shift focus to what others could change rather than deal with the psychological work that’s sitting on your own plate. Another factor that can contribute to anxiety-prone people getting caught in this trap is their tendency to overpersist with actions beyond the point of what’s useful. You try and try and try in situations where giving up might be a better choice.
Experiment: Is there someone you are trying to change and it’s not working? Are you caught in the pattern of trying the same things and expecting different results? What would giving up on trying to change that other person look like? For example, in a situation where you’d normally complain to the person about his or her behavior, what could you do instead?”
― Alice Boyes, The Anxiety Toolkit: Strategies for Fine-Tuning Your Mind and Moving Past Your Stuck Points

“If there is any anxiety habit that seems particularly hard to break, it’s self-criticism, but it’s a habit that needs to be broken. When you use self-compassion rather than self-criticism to cope with stuff that doesn’t go according to plan, you’ll notice that you start making far better choices. Self-kindness creates mental space, where you can think more clearly about what problem needs to be solved, and will help give you confidence that you’ve got the goods to be able to solve your own problems.”
― Alice Boyes, The Anxiety Toolkit: Strategies for Fine-Tuning Your Mind and Moving Past Your Stuck Points