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The story contradicts itself all the time, details are messy and mistakes are made (a brother is also a cousin, and then a brother again; a room on the first floor becomes a second floor with a balcony)

But also emotional plot points are all over the place >> Elizabeth hates Darcy for no reason, but she admires & respects him, but also hates him, but maybe loves him, but insults him because she hates him…

After a series of paragraphs where Darcy thinks about his budding love for “Elizabeth” in italics, he SUDDENLY realizes he DOESN’T know her first name after all…!

The drama is off the charts. Mr & Mrs Bennet yell and scream all the time, they screech and Mr. Bennet physically hit Mr. Collins… the plot makes no sense, characters’ actions make no sense, logic is lacking in every paragraph…

This alternate Lizzy is rather subdued and gloomy, cery Cinderella/Jane Eyre type situation. We are told she loves her father because Mr. Bennet understands her, but all we read about are scenes where he acts dismissive or abusive towards Elizabeth.

Things don’t add up, not even as a set-up for “the secret” of her origin to be disclosed later on:

Also, Jane is a vain, selfish pest!

Have I mentioned how much I dislike plots where Mrs. Bennet is a murderous psychopath who wants to harm Elizabeth because “she is not a boy”???

I also dislike stories where female characters are kept medicated against their will, sedated, or controled through medical manipulation… with or without magic.

This is a magical retelling of P&P; it’s supernatural, there is a secret craddle betrothal between Lizzy and Darcy, Mrs. Bennet can make things fly…

Anything is possible — so WHY does the author need to force-fit Mr. Collins into a story, writing boring performative scenes that mirror P&P, which doesn’t serve this new story at all ! It’s a hindrance…

Mr. Bennet, Elizabeth and Darcy are looking up information in old books. Their life is in peril, but they refrain from asking Mary (who has magical ability to super read books) because they must guard “the secret”.

But when Darcy offers to ask a London modiste to come to Longbourn to make a new dress for Lizzy’s come out, they all agree she can be trusted with “the secret” just fine !

And Wickham is openly paying court to Heiress Elizabeth, and she is loving every minute of it!

Not much of a future with some random Mr Darcy here, in my opinion!

Almost at the end. Darcy invites Elizabeth for a carriage ride to Mount Oak… [facepalm]

Darcy and Bingley visit Longbourn, they are invited to stay for dinner. They have dinner, the gentlemen have a private talk while the ladies move to the drawing room, the gentlemen go back to the ladies and enjoy tea and cake, while Lizzy entertains at the piano.

When the gentlemen finally leave, Mrs Bennet comments that they will likely propose BEFORE THE MORNING IS THROUGH (!!!) — continuity is so bad here…

3/4 of the whole book, and Darcy is still pondering and procrastinating about IF writing to Georgiana in town (over a month has passed and he can’t make a decision or finish one letter!)

Absolutely NO ONE has mentioned Wickham in Mr. Darcy’s presence, he has not seen the man, and there’s no scene in which Dacy finds out W is in Meryton… and yet he randomly thinks while visiting Longbourn, if Elizabeth is thinking of Wickham!

Mr. Bingley goes to Longbourn to deliver physical invitations to the ball (folded, thick cream paper); later he tells Collins invitations will be sent next week!

Each scene has the irritating feature of repeating descriptions over & over, as if there was a need for the reader to be reminded of inconsequential details, and copy-pasted lines…

There are also some logical or strategical mistakes regarding placing & continuity — those are small-ish, but they can take the reader’s attention out of the page very easily!

The insistenxce to keep feverish patients WARM with scorching hot fires and a heap of blankets makes me so angry !!! I expect Lizzy to d i e of her fever any minute now, given this “care” she’s being subject to…

The story seems to drag endlessly with very little joy or wit to it; this Lizzy is very one-dimensional and her only asset is her unexpected inheritance.

The inheritance itself is very random and not believable — a gift from an uncle she met once as a young child, and never visited or wrote to ever since! The content of the legacy is a mystery, it could end up being just hot air, a shack & some pocket change!

As we already knew, this author did poor research on nobility titles, usage, styles, or inheritance — she seems to belive that ascendance into an hereditary title works just the same as the investiture of honours (Knighthood, for ex), problem is THEY DON’T!

Also, widowed Duchess loses all courtesy titles if she remarries, she would not be Dowager unless (unmarried), her son married and got himself a new Duchess

Widowed Duchess Lizzy hires bachelor Darcy Jr (his father still lives and he is not Master of Pemberly) as male nanny for her children, and/or a live-in position as steward’s substitute and companion — totally mindblowing how anyone could think this makes sense !

This story is a festival of Equality !!! A Duke employs a random chambermaid and upgrades her as young lady’s companion, then goes on to dower her with a small fortune, and ends up sponsoring her wedding to a parson, and finally welcomes her as a family friend for weekly invitations into his home… super believable (not)!

This is just one example of how badly this story fails to congeal

Poor use of styles of address is a cheap mistake, it shows the author is writing details above their comfort zone >> Lady [fist name] means she is the daughter of a Duke/Marquess/Earl. The wife of a Duke should be styled Lady + Title, Lady Hertfordshire, for example

It’s always so cringe for me to read stories where authors unleash their own misogyny and sadism on their characters. We have read countless stories where Caroline or Lady Catherine are severely punished, humiliated, phsysically restrained or even harmed (to the chilling glee of the writer!)

This story brings something new = punishment & humiliation for young Darcy, sentencing him to humbling manual work…

Another pet peeve of mine is when these “historical” variations impose American Middle Class values on supposed Regency characters; for example, when an elderly couple decides to move to The Dower House and leave the main house/manor/estate free for the “young geeneration” to reign over, LOL!

No way in H*ll would a Mr. Darcy or other master “retire” into a dower house & check out! Just NO!

This carcrash was too much for me to pass up!

Having read the previous/original installment, my curiosity was piqued

Editing is poor, portions are repeated and phrases copied twice — but at the same time new things are mentioned that didn’t happen in the scene described right before! A total mess, in my opinion…

I’m crying here — the Bennets are a mercenary troupe of mercenary actors running a con to swindle Bingley & Darcy! It’s so so bad that even Mrs. Gardiner in on the scheme (scam?)!

Absolutely insane >> the distances between Meryton, Lucas Lodge and Longbourn take HOURS BY COACH, instead of a short walk… also, it’s absolutely irritating to read Meryton called “town” all the time (as if it was London), very confusing!

Lizzy’s “gambit” makes ZERO SENSE so far — it comes across as abaolutely delusional ans very mercenary!

“…she had immediately put all her orders on a back burner”

Gawd, give me strength!

“Elizabeth was afraid her grandfather would suffer a coronary”

Attention to ittle *details* like this can take a generic fanfic story (while still modern in phrasing), from jokingly amateurish, to “serious” rendition of a Regency Romance…

“… while another maid tightened Miss Bingley’s corset another inch”

Regency fashion didn’t feature corsets; they would serve no purpose for the column-shaped silhouettes of those times.

Ladies wore stays, which were shorter, comfortably fitted, and would aim at supporting the bosom rather than cinching in the waist…

“You’ll be okay, Miss Lizzy.”

[eye roll]