Sofie > Recent Status Updates

now that we're playing more exy, my complaint about the sheer number of characters in this trilogy is only getting harder to ignore. it was fine in tsc cause we really only had scenes with 5 of the trojans, but having to keep track of all these other players is impossible and makes it hard to get attached to anyone. WHY are there 4 coaches and 3 or 4 doctors??? they all seem exactly the same to me anyway so wtf

nora. you are insane if you think i'm gonna separate the super memorable characters of derek and derrick and shane and shawn and actually care about any of them. this has to be a troll cause what the fuck is she on about

jean really said “i trust infamous freak neil josten and am grateful to him for putting a hit out on my rapist but uh objectively? ill-bred child.” and i love him for that

neil the absolute icon coming back into this book for one chapter only to sass literal fbi agents and schedule a hit on grayson immediately after jean IMPLIED that he assaulted him. love him need him

“i want to go home” and we’re tearing up again how fun

throughout this entire book, jean has had a habit of asking “why?” when he’s faced with kindness or little things that people do to make themselves or others happy (the dog cutout, boba tea, jeremy’s pottery class). and now he realizes that what he’s really been asking this whole time is “why not me?” he’s finally starting to internalize that he DIDNT deserve it. that it was nonsensical cruelty

jean frantically trying to use the raven stadium code right after the confrontation with grayson is such a fantastic detail oh my GOD. what a way to depict the final straw for his crumbling mental state

and i’m tearing up at the stupid murder lacrosse books again fucking sue me

the dick jokes and “say ‘yes jeremy’”?????? oh we are FLIRTING

jesus christ this beach scene is really giving me whiplash trying to keep up with the shifts between jean’s two moods: hopelessly traumatized and hopelessly horny

jean freaking out over jeremy bleaching his hair and jeremy losing it over hearing jean speak french let’s go gays

i could live with jeremy saying hella but this instance on heck and hecka (???????? nora pls) is making me want to puke can we drop that immediately i am begging

“make sure all the screws are tightened before getting on the ride, right? safety first.” where’s the pulitzer prize
seriously though if that’s not the thesis statement for the exact dynamic i’m getting myself into with this trilogy then i simply do not want it

the sheer amount of physic damage kevin day has inflicted on his various gay situationships should be studied. jean explicitly referring to both him and jeremy as “beautiful” is everything to me thank you nora

oh my god okay it’s happening everyone stay fucking calm
i will say it’s a nice change of pace to be in the pov of someone who is actually aware of attraction!!!! i love neil and his obliviousness but jesus christ. jean’s trauma is much more sex-focused so it makes sense that jeremy’s prettiness is something he’s immediately attuned to but has convinced himself he cannot pursue in any way

renee and jean make my chest ache!!! she really saved his life and put him on this path of healing, and how amazing for both of them to realize that because of all the baggage there, they shouldn’t start anything romantic. but how bittersweet for jean to have to let go of yet another potential partner due to his tragic circumstances and trauma. excited to see how the relationship with jeremy will distinguish itself

“it’s impressive, isn’t it? how easily these monsters die in the end.” okay bars
it feels like the story can really start now, jean’s journey of healing and self-discovery and life on his own terms begins with riko’s death. and i LOVE how it’s also bookmarked by him finally referring to “nathaniel” as neil. he made it out, he cobbled together a new life for himself. now it’s jean’s turn

my heart is BREAKING for jean what do you mean the ravens defaced and ruined literally everything he owns???? this poor kid never got a chance to form an identity of his own to begin with and now every symbol of the ONE human connection and semblance of hope he allowed himself has been scratched out completely!!!! and they sent him the pieces!!!!!!! cool!!!!!!!!!

jean did not just specifically request a good boy clause to be added to his contract that is simultaneously so sad and so ridiculous

jeremy is already so nice and NORMAL how the fuck is he gonna cope with the knowledge that he’s actually in a series about mafia torture lacrosse

oh sweet lovely jeremy you've got a big storm coming

wow i didn't think the trauma porn could get worse but jean has the trauma of neil and andrew combined!!! how fun!!!! if he doesn't spend the ENTIRETY of this trilogy healing, i will throw this book across the room

queen renee how i missed you so

we never really left but we are so back

i am going to freak out i have to take several steadying breaths just in case this ends horribly
BUT THEYRE SMILING ON THE COVER AND LOOKING LIKE THEY JUST GOT MARRIED IN THE VOLUME ART SO !!!!!!!! feeling cautiously optimistic

“if i had never met you shion, i would have never known love. i’m glad i had the chance to learn it. same with you, right, shion? you must feel the same way i do. you can’t imagine living without loving someone, yearning for someone.” AND SHES LOOKING AT RAT IM SORRY WHY THE FUCK WASNT THIS IN THE FINAL EDIT????????? we deserved more understanding between safu and rat goddamnit

“you’re saying leave you behind. you despise me that much? look down on me that much?” oh this is so delicious, rat is just trying to make sure shion makes it out alive cause he doesn’t think he’s worthy of living after what he’s done, especially after safu. but to shion, it’s the biggest insult for him to think that he can’t protect rat, that he wouldn’t fight with everything in him to do it

okay my heart is pounding i feel insane i can barely string thoughts together
shion taking his pain out on rat, which makes rat have to really sit with and face the depth of his own vengeful spirit, but by the time shion realizes what he’s doing and apologizes for it, rat has already decided to go along with it and embrace the self hatred and regress back to his old ways but shion won’t let him i know he won’t

the full circle moment of shion saying that safu’s sweater gives him a warm feeling to now, not being able to feel her at all when she tries to give him a hug as the illusion she is. fucking heartbreaking

this bonus story is the fluff i needed rn i am snorting at shion being completely oblivious about a woman flirting with him but taking the time to stare at rat’s profile and think about how he’d be content if his entire universe consisted of their little life together
he has his priorities straight that’s for sure