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Using your mind in this active, purposeful way lets you pursue your own personal happiness instead of fruitlessly worrying about how to placate EIPs.

Whenever you find yourself obsessing over whether someone is unhappy with you, shift into your own viewpoint and write about how their behavior makes you feel. Get back in your own shoes and come up with your own opinion about the situation instead of accepting their criticisms at face value. Thinking your own thoughts lets you see what you want out of the situation, allowing you to plan the outcome you want.

You can reframe hopeless, critical, and discouraging thoughts into more realistic, hopeful ideas.

Making children feel guilty or ashamed in childhood promotes feelings of immobilization and depressive thinking. However, you can sweep away these disempowering states by realizing their origins in past emotional coercions by EI parents. Once you label depressive thoughts for what they are and where they came from, you can replace them with more realistic, self-supportive thoughts that strengthen you.

As an adult, your job is to take care of your own emotional health, not try to win the approval of someone who may be thoughtlessly asking for more than you can comfortably give.

The process of mental clearing is very simple: mistrust any thought that gives you a sinking feeling.

Your freedom of thought is foundational to your psychological health and independence. No matter how “bad” some thoughts may seem, they’re natural and blameless phenomena with a life of their own. The healthy human mind thinks without boundaries, so wise people let their thoughts come and go without taking much ownership of them.

You can’t make things happen with your thoughts alone, and other people can’t read your mind. It’s coincidence if it seems that way.

By thinking your own thoughts, you push away their mental domination. You enjoy the fact that you can think whatever you want, and they will never know.

The remedy for this unnecessary fear of secret thoughts being known is to deliberately think freely in your EIP’s presence. It may seem an odd thing to practice, but it can radically increase your sense of mental freedom.

Other people can’t guess your thoughts unless you’re showing it in your face or behavior.

It’s crucial to realize that you don’t have to think nice. There are no thought police, thank goodness, and you have the absolute right to think anything that occurs to you. Your original thoughts are a big part of your individuality and are necessary to solve problems with creative thinking.

You Don’t Have to Think Nice

Allowing yourself to accept all your thoughts is a huge first step toward being your own person. Just thinking freely for yourself is a significant sign of growth; you don’t have to speak your mind to the EIP until you feel comfortable doing so. Later, you may communicate more of your thoughts to them in ways that feel natural and fit your personality. But there’s no need to push it. Get your mind back first.

Two minds sharing thoughts without domination

Respectful relationships depend on each person having the freedom of their own thoughts. The most satisfying relationships occur when you both can think your own thoughts and use your whole mind, without judging or correcting each other.

Once you separate your mind from EIP’s control, your mind will spring back into its complete and independent form.

By being loyal to yourself, you give yourself nonjudgmental, unconditional support and you commit to your self-development just as a devoted parent would.

Prioritizing your self-care is a great way of restoring a neglected relationship with yourself. Like a caring parent, you can support yourself for a life of thriving, not just surviving. You can appreciate and love yourself just for being alive. By cherishing yourself the way a loving parent would, you erase any old doubts about your value.

4. Your mistakes are innocent. Don’t turn against yourself if you make a mistake and resist shaming yourself.
5. Your inner world is worthy of being attended to. Listen to your thoughts and feelings and take yourself completely seriously.
6. You’re worthy of spending time with. Enjoy your own company and do things just because they give you a good feeling inside.

1. Your inner experiences count. Show interest in your thoughts, feelings, and dreams.
2. Your inner world is worth defending. Be loyal to how you feel and protect your interests whenever you feel threatened.
3. Your feelings and thoughts are just as important as theirs. Put your self-care before other people’s whims.

Self-protective instincts can be scary at first because they come in the form of such strong feelings: indignation, outrage, or even hatred. But these are just emotional signals that someone has tried to control or dominate you. These feelings are telling you your inner experiences matter and must be protected.

1. am worth taking care of.
2. I am worth listening to.
3. I am worth understanding.
4. I am worth thinking about my needs first.
5. My feelings matter in every interaction.

Instead of judging yourself, why not think about what you’d like to change, figure out the steps to get there, and seek support?

Even regrets about your past behavior don’t have to turn into judgments. If you know what you wish you’d done differently, you’ve already learned your lesson and can forgive yourself in light of your new understanding.

The inner self is that internal witness—the nucleus of your being— that takes in all of life but is unchanged by life. The inner self is who you feel yourself to be at the deepest level. It’s your unique individuality, underneath your personality, family role, and social identity.

What I call the inner self has many common names: soul, spirit, heart, the you of you.

Just because EIPs discount the importance of your inner world doesn’t mean it’s not crucial to living.