Patrick D.

“I have a friend, Dana, who was in the grocery store one day, and her arm, like, bursts into flame. Just like that. Just her arm. And she’s screaming and waving her arm around and around, flames shooting everywhere. Finally the cops showed up and arrested her.” “Arrested her? Why did—” “Possession of an unlicensed firearm.” A”
― David Wong, John Dies at the End

“Shut up, Gotlieb! I have had enough of you as well. I warned you. You are hereby reassigned to desk duty in the information-processing center. You may not participate in any war-related activities! Return to your base immediately!”
― Gene Steinberg, Attack of the Rockoids

“Am I going crazy…as in crazier than I already am?”
― Gene Steinberg, Rockoids II: The Coming of the Protectors

“Tyler reacted to this for some reason, looking at John with a “when are people gonna learn” look, and then he spat on the ground. Tobacco spitting is a kind of nonverbal communication in many parts of the Midwest. He must have spilled his coffee a lot as a kid because he had one of those big spill-proof mugs, the kind that flare way out at the bottom. It looked like he was speaking into a megaphone every time he took a drink. I”
― David Wong, John Dies at the End