Artful Quotes

“Why Mr. Dickens, in his biography of that particular moment, preferred to focus on the adventures of the orphan parish child, Oliver Twist, remains a matter of speculation and mystery to all subsequent scribes of those long-departed times: of a London nearly two centuries gone, back when it was a pox-infested, grimy, depressing, fog-bound, class-favoring, sprawling, noxious, odorous, and overall distasteful place in which to live and breathe and sicken and die—as opposed to modern times, wherein the pox has been largely attended to; so that’s progress of a sort.”
― Peter David, Artful

“The jailer voiced a roar that was intended to be on par with that of an infuriated lion, and indeed sounded like that to him in his own head (but to an observer or listener was much more akin to a consumptive mallard) and sped—which is to say moved with slightly less slowness than he typically did—to the cell that he had just absented.”
― Peter David, Artful

“It matters not how it seems. All that matters is what is, and I will simply have to deal with whatever that happens to be.”
― Peter David, Artful

“Right, wrong—those are words thrown around by those what is in power in order to sit on the backs of those what ain’t.”
― Peter David, Artful

“In fairness to the Almighty, though, it should be noted that lack of attention from God is not necessarily a bad thing, as the former residents of Sodom, Gomorrah, and the entirety of the Earth prior to Noah’s construction of an ark would have been able to attest. This would run counter to the desires of many former occupants of London who would have been delighted to see London, upon their departure, erupt in a tower of flame, cleansed by the wrath of God . . . .”
― Peter David, Artful

“Thus it has always been: Only in death do worthless people have worth.”
― Peter David, Artful

“The measure of a gen’leman is how he treats ladies. They can call themselves what they wants, but if what they says don’t match up with how they behaves, well, what they do says far more of who they are than what they says they are does, if you gets my drift.”
― Peter David, Artful

“There was more barley than beef in his stew.”
― peter david, Artful

“of a London nearly two centuries gone, back when it was a pox-infested, grimy, depressing, fog-bound, class-favoring, sprawling, noxious, odorous, and overall distasteful place in which to live and breathe and sicken and die—as opposed to modern times, wherein the pox has been largely attended to; so that’s progress of a sort.”
― Peter David, Artful

“fiction is a harsher, more demanding mistress than fact.”
― Peter David, Artful

“The biggest evildoers in the world, the ones who do what’s not right, are the ones who have all the power, and that’s what makes it right. It’s right not ’cause you say so, or I say, or even if the Lord on high says so. It’s right ’cause them what’s got the money and the power, they say it’s right, and that makes it right even if it’s dead wrong. Dead wrong.”
― Peter David, Artful

“Only in death do worthless people have worth.”
― Peter David, Artful

“when it comes to the caprices and manipulations of the gods or God, whichever philosophy you may embrace, we are all of us merely pawns in their games, rather than players.”
― Peter David, Artful

“And then there is the matter of Fagin, routinely referred to as “the Jew.” I needn’t remind you that this was back in the day when the mere act of not being a Christian was to make one suspect, if not an outright potential criminal. These, of course, are far more enlightened times, when it is only acceptable to believe that not being a Christian is likely to mean one is a criminal only if one is a Muslim (or at least so we’ve been assured by people who claim to know such things), and therefore we shall refer to Fagin merely by his surname.”
― Peter David, Artful

“My name is Abraham van Helsing. And I’ve seen more than you can possibly believe exist.” “I don’t recognize your accent, boy. Where do you come from?” “I’m Dutch.” “You sound more German than Dutch.” “My mother is German. I’m told I got the accent from her. But I am Dutch.”
― Peter David, Artful

“and wherever they chose. The formidable Bill Sikes glowered and menaced and planned robberies. Oliver Twist—to the best of Dodger’s knowledge—was lying in a ditch somewhere and might well be dead. And Nancy, that tragic woman whose fundamental goodness of femininity had been diminished and dimmed, but not destroyed, by her life as a slattern whore, was still practicing her trade”
― Peter David, Artful

“but offered him nothing beyond that. Dodger, for his part, would remove”
― Peter David, Artful

“These, of course, are far more enlightened times, when it is only acceptable to believe that not being a Christian is likely to mean one is a criminal only if one is a Muslim (or at least so we’ve been assured by people who claim to know such things),”
― Peter David, Artful

“I simply wish to offer my fart-helt apologies, sir, for you’re just an honest man doin’ your job, and I’m a dishonest lad doin’ mine, and of the two, you have far more reason to hang your head high than does I.”
― Peter David, Artful

“Watch some television programs, or read some books in which vampyres are heroic and charming and sparkle in the daylight, and then return here and brace yourself for a return to a time that vampyres were things that went bump in the night.”
― Peter David, Artful

“What is that thing? Vampires. Or, as it was spelled at the time, vampyres. Yes, we know: It is difficult to accept, a strain to wrap your head around. Go and take the time to do so. Watch some television programs, or read some books in which vampyres are heroic and charming and sparkle in the daylight, and then return here and brace yourself for a return to a time that vampyres were things that went bump in the night.”
― Peter David, Artful

“This famed orphan of the storm tended to bob about as helplessly as a cork (embracing the cliché in order to maintain the metaphor) until matters happened to, through no effort of his own, land him upon safe and welcoming shores.”
― Peter David, Artful

“Well, there are times when we know where people are, yes? This would not be one of those times.”
― Peter David, Artful

“It was tragic enough for the average citizen to know that bloodsucking monsters known as tax collectors already existed; to be informed that there were other inhuman bloodsuckers stalking the night as well, desiring to sink their fangs elsewhere than bank accounts, might simply have been too much for people to bear.”
― Peter David, Artful