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“What is a sensitive person?” said the Cracker to the Roman Candle.
“A person who, because he has corns himself, always treads on other people's toes,” answered the Roman Candle in a low whisper; and the Cracker nearly exploded with laughter.”
― Oscar Wilde, Oscar Wilde Stories for Children

“No one’s ever brought me flowers before,” said Mr. Kidswatter. “You may not believe this, Louis, but I don’t have many friends.” He put his hand on Louis’s shoulder. “You’re like a son to me,” he said.
“And you’re a maggot-infested string bean,” muttered Louis.
“What?” asked Mr. K.
“I said, you’re a magnificent human being.”
― Louis Sachar, Wayside School Gets A Little Stranger

“I have a package for somebody named Mrs. Jewls,” he said.
“I’ll take it,” said Louis.
“Are you Mrs. Jewls?” asked the man.
“No,” said Louis.
“I have to give it to Mrs. Jewls,” said the man.
Louis thought a moment. He didn’t want the man disturbing the children. He knew how much they hated to be interrupted when they were working.
“I’m Mrs. Jewls,” he said.
“But you just said you weren’t Mrs. Jewls,” said the man.
“I changed my mind,” said Louis.
The man got the package out of the back of the truck and gave it to Louis. “Here you go, Mrs. Jewls,” he said.”
― Louis Sachar, Wayside School Is Falling Down

“The hobo wore old black shoes that also looked like they were too big for him, but that might
have been because he wasn’t wearing any socks.”
― Louis Sachar, Wayside School Is Falling Down