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trying to feel like me again
message 401:
by
Erin
(new)
Jan 08, 2018 06:52AM
You'd think I'd sleep but noooo
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It's 9:52 and I have no school and I'm tired= sleeping
If only I'd stop getting annoyed with everyone, haha.
Erin wrote: "❄️Ƙανу тнє ναмριяє❄️ (Ɓνвαяму) (Aelonian) (AA family) wrote: "Erin wrote: "❄️Ƙανу тнє ναмριяє❄️ (Ɓνвαяму) (Aelonian) (AA family) wrote: "Erin wrote: "Ooh aliens sound fun! I've never even thought a..."ikr XD
❄️Ƙανу тнє ναмριяє❄️ (Ɓνвαяму) (Aelonian) (AA family) wrote: "Erin wrote: "❄️Ƙανу тнє ναмριяє❄️ (Ɓνвαяму) (Aelonian) (AA family) wrote: "Erin wrote: "❄️Ƙανу тнє ναмριяє❄️ (Ɓνвαяму) (Aelonian) (AA family) wrote: "Erin wrote: "Ooh aliens sound fun! I've never e..."Yasss! XD
I don't want to change my everything for you.
I don't want to pretend that my everything isn't real
And my mind is a fantasy world so I'll dream of us and all of our possibilities
And I'll know I need to stop but I won't for so long because I'll keep hoping
And I'll know that it's wrong but I won't know how to stop
And I'll probably end up asking you for advice but you won't know it's about you
Or maybe you will and you'll feel guilty and you'll blame yourself but darling it's my fault
Because I know I should stop and erase these feelings. I can't keep saying that I love you because I'll ruin everything we have.
In the end, I'll choose my future over you.
And you'll do the same and we'll be far apart.
It's like I can see the future. It's so clear.
And I could say it'll be okay but I know better than to lie to myself now.
Do you ever just write out one of your characters thoughts? Because I keep doing that
Sadness is weird. It feels fake. When I feel sadness, I don't feel like myself. I don't know how other people can stand being sad all the time. How can they get themselves to move? How can they not question everything there is, their beliefs and their faith and every single time they told a sad person it'll be okay? Because maybe it won't be okay and maybe okay isn't even a term of how the world will ever be. I want to say I don't think about the end of the world, but right now it seems to be the only thought that soothes me, and that's bad. I can't let myself fall into despair, into sadness, because the moment I let myself is the moment I've given up. It's strange, the things that you miss when life takes a turn.
I wish I was stronger than this war I sense is coming. I wish I was stronger with peace. I wish I could bring the world peace. All these wishes, wannabee solutions, and nothing is really getting saved.
I can't lie to anyone anymore by saying everything will be okay because everything will never all be okay. And that sucks, but I can't keep watching the hope lighten their eyes when everything I've told them is lies. I don't want to do that anymore.
I miss my sister who is following her dreams and writing the world and making her creations come to life, while I just sit here missing her. I wonder if she ever thinks about us. If she ever missed us. If she has time to miss us. She left Hogwarts early, graduating early, so she could go to a muggle college. It's not that I hate muggles. God, I sound prejudice. I just miss her.
I never told anyone how much I loved them and that's coming from a girl who's not afraid if making it awkward with her friends by saying "I love you."
I tried to stop her from her thoughts of anger, of wanting to lash out, of wanting to fight back because Aldora can't do it alone. I don't know if she's listened. I don't know if the message has gotten to her, but I do know she's a girl with sense. She better not let me down.
You wanna know what I just realized that I could've made these journal entries on the group that Asteria actually came from.
At this rate Asteria's going to be thinking more than Aldora XD
My sister is home from getting her tattoo.
Yay I was trying to make it sound cool XD
So imma go on a rant real quick. Possibly short, possibly long. In it I don't mean to bring harm to anyone or appear to sound/be racist, but if you want to argue against me feel free as long as we do it in a peaceful way because I'm all about peace XDSo yeah, peace.
Like I'm good with people shaving their hair but it doesn't look good on my mom.No offense, mama. Lol she'll never read this XD
Valentine Ransom (call me Val) ~Phantom of the Library~ wrote: "What?"Why?
Valentine Ransom (call me Val) ~Phantom of the Library~ wrote: "I know! I can post whatever I want about my family because I know they'll never read this! XD"Same, though most of my sisters actually have a goodreads and one actually read my old journal, so not really. I was just making a bad joke about my mom haha
it's personal
Books mentioned in this topic
30 Things I Love About Myself (other topics)Challenger Deep (other topics)
Throes (other topics)
P.S. I Still Love You (other topics)
Delirium (other topics)
